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He fell quick but not all at once. It was the glances he took to see Lance’s eyes light up and his smile widen as he talked about something he loved, and the way he moved his hands when he described something for the rest of the team. It was when time seemed to slow down when he’d move slightly, and when everything seemed to go silent and Keith’s focus was solely on him, he knew he was in trouble.
They took things slow. Lance confessed his love for him, and Keith just nodded silently. He’d only been in a few short relationships before, but they both liked each other, so it was easy really. They’d spend more time with each other, sitting close to each other, or sharing meals with sometimes disastrous spills. They’d lay next to each other in bed and just exist, their bodies next to each other, until someone would walk in and whoever wasn’t supposed to belong would fling themselves to the floor as quickly as possible, to the continued amusement of the others.
Lance had kissed Keith first, when they were both sitting under the dim lights on his bed. “I could kiss you,” he whispered, staring at Keith from the side. Keith gave a small smile. “Why don’t you then.” He’d never initiate a kiss, nor physical contact. He didn’t have the experience, and his pride prevented him from reaching out first. Nothing really changed for the two years they were together.
When the blade contacted Keith, and he left the team, lance protested until Keith shot him that look. The one that asked for a chance to learn more. He gave Keith a goodbye when they were alone, when he was packing his few belongings to leave, a well wish for his trip.
They kept in touch while he was away. Not much, but they messaged sometimes. Lance usually initiated it. A ‘goodnight’ when he was going to bed, sometimes followed by a heart. Sometimes it was a whole conversation, which Keith would accidentally spin and flirt with Lance, without being fully aware until he brought it up moments later. Other times it was a random message about whatever he was doing.
“Do you know any good painkillers?”, “I think I’m gonna chop off my foot.”, “I had a wack ass dream.”, and the very common, “Hey, you’re cute.”
They always came in when he was asleep, unless he had pulled an all-nighter, usually to train, or work on whatever the blade had assigned him, so he never really responded. When he did it was a simple reaction.
“Ibuprofen?”, “That’s a messy process, y’know”, “What kind of dream?”, and the general, “So are you.”
He didn’t know when it started to mean less to him. When it didn’t matter if a message was sent to him, or if he missed sending back a good night reply. When each, so are you began to carry a lighter weight, one that didn’t share the meanings of the past.
But he noticed. He noticed when it was no longer a priority to check his messages to see if Lance sent anything new. When he had to stop and think when he got messages like “Why do you put up with me” and realize his typical response of “Because I love you, duh” no longer fit like it used to. That’s not to say he didn’t care about Lance, but it was becoming less of what it once was.
When he returned and rejoined the team, he and Lance had a date over lunch. They kept a distance, talked about the mundane things they used to before he left. The conversation took a turn after the main topics died out. He talked about how their wedding would look, where they’d probably live when they moved out together, and the war was over and won.
Keith realized, on his way to his old room, that something had gone missing from their relationship. Somehow, something was gone, and he didn’t know what to do. To tell Lance would hurt him and probably result in him blaming himself. To tell Lance would mean that Keith would need to explain that, somehow, despite everything going right, he was falling out of love. It would mean admitting that Lance’s plans and daydreams weren’t going to happen and Keith didn’t want to admit that because he knew that Lance deserves to be happy and telling him that he couldn’t love him would take that away .
It was the fact that Keith wouldn’t feel the pain and the horror of losing love, or the crushing weight of a failed relationship with no reason behind it. It was the fact that Keith wouldn’t be concerned by the loss of a romantic touch. It was the fact that Keith would be relieved to be out. It was the fact that he thought of it as escaping. It was the fact that Lance would give Keith everything he ever wanted and Keith couldn’t respond the same.
If he ever told Lance he knew he’d be facing him again, and it worried him. They had to work together constantly, and his falling out of love would affect that. Their teamwork could fail and the team could get hurt because Lance still loved someone who didn’t love him. He knew that he’d have to look at Lance every day after he told him he wasn’t in love with him. He’d have to see how broken he was, daily. He’d have to deal with the team blaming him for his sorry behavior because you don’t just fall out of love Keith. Do you even see how he’s doing right now?
Maybe Pidge would side with him, help him deal with the accidental division he caused. Pidge would probably understand that he never meant to hurt Lance, she’d probably even provide a shoulder to lean on, or somewhere to breakdown without intrusions.
Shiro would be disappointed because he never understood what falling out of love was. He and Adam were the dream pair. They seamlessly fit into each other’s lives. A perfectly balanced relationship, even when they encountered a difference. He would look down and Keith and ask, “Did you even love him in the beginning?” Because, to Shiro, love was something that continued through time and space. It had no end.
Hunk was Lance’s rock, his shoulder to cry on, to scream about how long he had been led on. He would bring it all up with Keith because he knew Lance wouldn’t do it himself, and Keith would feel all the worse for it because he knows. He knows how bad this affected Lance. But it affected him too, lying to him for so long if they could just see-
Allura and Coran tried to stay away from blaming either party. Coran stopped Allura from fighting Keith when she had heard because he knew. He understood what it was like. Coran got it, and he tried to teach Allura to get it too. But it’s not such an easy lesson to fully understand, falling out of love. No matter how much learning one does about it, they never truly know, because it’s something understood from experience. It wasn’t something that could be fixed with a few words and simple actions. It was a trial healed by time and support, for both sides.
And while Lance was heartbroken and damaged because he had lost someone dear to him, Keith was guilty and free .