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Karin had never given much thought to her wedding day. Even in the sad year she had spent following Sasuke around and mooning over his every word there had been a voice in the back of her mind that knew it would never happen, never let her fantasies go beyond the now. If she had ever given the occasion any thought she liked to think that this was not what she would have imagined.
The little girl deep in her heart cried out that she deserved better than a perfunctory informal ceremony alone in the Hokage’s office, no uchikake but the white dust of travel staining her clothing and no attendants but the two council members standing witness. She deserved more than marrying a man she barely knew the name of to secure herself a home in a place that didn’t want her. And yet here she stood while the Godaime Hokage spoke the bare minimum phrases needed to bind her future to another.
What else was new?
As shitty as the situation was, however, there were several different points which stayed her tongue and stiffened her muscles against the urge to flee. Naruto was the first and biggest reason. The only person who had ever looked at her and truly wanted to know her. He was family, distant and far removed, but a blood relation. She hadn’t known any family since the last of her own gave their life to save another in the depths of Kusagakure. From that day on she had been nothing but an asset, an advantage. Yet Naruto looked at her and saw only the bond he hoped might someday grow between them. The siren call of affection given so freely was embarrassingly difficult to resist after the life she had led.
The second reason that held back the barbs at the edge of her tongue was the idea of rest. Simple and plain, Karin was tired of running. Tired of living her life uncertain of where her steps would take her next and tired of fighting for her right to stay in one place long enough to put down even the weakest of roots. Working for that snake Orochimaru hadn’t been pleasant but it had been the closest thing she could remember to having a place to go back to. Konohagakure had offered her a home and Karin, reluctant and full of pride, wanted so badly to open her hand and accept that offer. Wanted it to be possible more than she was willing to let any of these people know.
Her third reason was much less optimistic than the other two. Her actions during the fourth shinobi war and in the years leading up to it had branded her a criminal. By all rights she should have been left to rot in the jail of whichever village won the right to punish her first. Instead Naruto had campaigned for her release along with several others on the condition they be rehabilitated. This was far and away the best possible option, the road which led to the least misery in her future. So while she was of the private opinion that whoever decided her rehabilitation should include being married off to a clan head was losing their marbles Karin had decided, after much thought, that resistance could only hurt her now.
She didn’t really have many expectations for what married life would be like, not having known her husband until they were corralled in to a room together and legally bound, yet Aburame Shino somehow managed to subvert them anyway. Right from the start she was handed surprises as she learned that not only was Shino unperturbed to be married away to a stranger, he had actually volunteered.
“I find this to be a good solution,” he’d told her. Then he must have seen her naked confusion as he quickly added, “Why? Because my elders had been asking me to find a wife for years now and you need a home. This is a good thing for both of us.”
Karin honestly hadn’t known what to say to that but she was grateful not to deal with someone angry at the very sight of her. His honesty had set the tone for a surprisingly harmonious coexistence. Although they did sleep in the same room Shino easily agreed to separate futons and never once asked more from her than she was willing to give, not even so much as a kiss. They ate their meals together and he complimented her cooking when it was her turn to do so but for the most part they spent their days entirely separate as he went about his business and left Karin to hers.
That wasn’t to say they never spent any time together, although it took the better part of a year for her to even realize that he was doing so. Shino was an unassuming man. Enough so that it was all too easy to underestimate just how subtle and sneaky he could be. It never occurred to her to question the nights he chose to stay in at home, choosing a book and settling in the library where she also spent most of her evenings. She thought little of the absent questions that more often than not drew her in to long conversations before one or both of them yawned their way to bed. Nothing about their situation seemed out of the ordinary until she ran in to Sakura while working at the hospital as part of the mandatory community service that was a condition of being allowed to stay in the village, greeting her one time rival for an undeserving man’s love with a cautious hello. Sakura’s smile for her was surprisingly warm.
“How’s married life been?” the other woman asked. “I don’t see Shino around much these days. Or anyone, really. I’m so busy here!”
“Life’s fine.” As soon as the words were out of her mouth Karin realized that she meant them and that was enough of a shock that Sakura was able to chatter over her for several minutes, going on about a bunch of people she honestly didn’t care about. Just because they were Shino’s friends didn’t mean they were hers. He was smart enough not to force her to socialize when she didn’t want to – and since she knew the general opinion most people had of her here she really didn’t want to socialize with most of them.
When Sakura started bemoaning how their busy lives kept her and Naruto apart most days and how they didn’t get to spend much time together Karin rolled her eyes.
“Seriously? The two of you married for love and I see more of my husband than you do yours?”
The other woman looked at her strangely. “Really? The last I heard of him Shino was screaming busy helping Iruka-sensei overhaul the academy curriculum. Oh but that’s so sweet that he still makes time for you! I’m ashamed to say I never expected he would make such a good husband.”
“A-ah…”
“Sakura-sensei! Come quick! It’s Yuzuki-san!”
“Oh! I have to run!” Sakura turned on her heel and dashed off towards wherever that voice had called from. “Let’s talk again soon!”
Karin didn’t even bother to wave. Her head was spinning, hands lifting on muscle memory as she went back to her own work scrubbing floors in a daze. It wasn’t like she ignored Shino when he spoke to her. She listened very carefully. But she’d never realized that he was quite so busy, enough so that he needed to consciously make the time to come and sit with her in the quiet library where sometimes she didn’t even bother to engage his attempts at conversation.
Community service brought her all over the village doing all sorts of different jobs so there was really no telling what time she would be heading home on any given day. By some kindness of fate it just so happened that she finished today a little before the academy would be letting their students go from final classes. With shame and embarrassment roiling together until she was able to translate them in to indignation, Karin set her feet marching along a path she had only ever walked the one time she was asked to clean out some old classrooms. The closer she got the easier it became to ignore the thousands of chakra signatures around her and focus in on the one she had come to associate with calm and safety without even knowing she was doing so.
She didn’t really have a plan. Karin had always been a woman of emotion and right now her emotions were telling her to go confront her husband. She would figure out what exactly she was confronting him about when she got there. Or that was her line of thinking until she paused halfway across the grassy yard, catching sight of him through an open window and drifting over like a magnet to a lodestone.
Despite the utter chaos of children up and moving about the room seemingly without order Shino stood by the front with a contented smile underneath the visor he wore to protect his eyes from bright lights. With both arms in the air he directed his students like a conductor, voice ringing out his instructions with confidence.
It was a side of him that she had never seen before – or rather that she had never taken the time to see. Shino had taken her in and given her a home, played the part of accommodating husband more perfectly than she could have ever hoped for, and Karin could only think that all she’d given him in return was a few measly conversations whenever she felt like making the effort. Not once had she ever considered whether he might just want to talk after a stressful day. Sure there were other people he could have gone to and she’d assumed all along that’s what he would do but if he chose to seek comfort in her, the wife who was meant to share his life and home? He deserved better than she gave him. He'd certainly given her better in turn.
Whatever energy had brought her marching across the village drained away as she watched her husband at work for the first time. She was almost disappointed when the bell rang and he began to herd the children towards their cubby holes at the back of the room for boots and coats, calling instructions for the night’s homework over the noise. His gaze hadn’t even once strayed towards the window and for a few moments she wondered which exit she would have to meet him at as he left for home. Following his chakra wouldn’t exactly be hard. Then his head turned sideways to look directly at her without warning and Karin was ashamed of the squeak that slipped out between her lips.
Beetles. She’d forgotten about the beetles, thousands of eyes watching the world on his behalf.
He tilted his head but without being able to see the eyes behind his visor Karin was left with nothing but the flavor of curiosity in his warm signature, rooted to the spot while he picked his way across the room to stand on the other side of the open window with hands folded behind his back.
“What brings you here?” he asked in his quiet, unassuming voice.
“I…oh. Should I not have? Do you have work left?” Not having been granted the honor of actually attending the academy in her own home village, she realized suddenly that she had very little idea of what a typical day’s schedule might include for either the students or the teachers. Thankfully Shino looked anything but irritated. It took quite a bit to irritate him, actually, something she had appreciated from the very beginning.
“Yes I have much left to do. Why? Because the children handed in two different assignments today that require marking.” His head tilted ever so slightly again before going on. “If you would prefer, I can finish such work at home.”
Karin shifted her weight and looked away, uncomfortable. What right did she have to ask anything of him? Yet still she heard her own voice answering as quietly as she hadn’t heard herself in years. “Yes. I would prefer you to come home. Please.”
Obviously both of them knew that she had tacked on that last bit as no more than an afterthought. Manners were hardly second nature to her. The last thing she had worried about growing up was learning how to be proper and polite, not when she’d been taught that the way to get something out of life was to be tough and strong, to demand whatever attention and respect she felt she deserved. Life in Konoha hadn’t exactly gained her much respect and the last thing she usually wanted these days was anyone’s attention.
With Shino that was different. Feeling his eyes on her was not a weight she needed to bear up under but a blanket of warmth against the often cold realities that had been her life so far. He was a break against the wind, a mercy, a place to rest. Until that moment staring at him through an open window Karin hadn’t truly understood how much she’d come to think of him as home. Not just that he had given her one but that he, the man, the husband, had become the home she wanted to come back to. It was not a revelation she was prepared to confront. Thankfully he didn’t seem as though he required any explanations at the moment. Even as her thoughts spun and the earth seemed to tilt beneath her feet Shino was nodding and turning to gather the piles of messy assignment papers from his desk, sealing them all in to a single scroll before heading back towards the window.
“May I walk with you?” he asked.
“I…yes?” It seemed a silly question. They were going to the same place, after all. Refusing him would mean walking along the same path anyway but keeping a few paces between them and the very idea of it was ridiculous.
Still, her answer seemed to please him. The smile that curled his lips this time was the sort of soft contentment he usually wore in the evenings as they whiled away the evening shadows in light conversation. Karin was ashamed to admit that it took until they were halfway home, turning from one deserted pathway down another, that she understood his question.
“Were you flirting with me!?” she demanded, almost proud that he didn’t so much as flinch at her sudden outburst. Of course she was also immediately infuriated that he didn’t have the decency to blush along with his simple nod.
“I was.”
“Have you done that before!?”
“I have.”
“When!?”
Shino hummed like he was counting the moments she had inexplicably missed. “Often.”
It was almost offensive how calm he remained while she spluttered and choked on her own surprise. The rest of the walk home was stiflingly quiet. A truly staggering amount of thoughts chased each other through her mind but none of them were able to stick for very long before getting chased away by several more. Karin’s emotions were in a right mess when they made it home, confused and muddled and twisted in a way unlike anything she’d ever felt before. Shino led them in to the library and paused next to his usual seat with a serene air. It wasn’t until he reached up to remove the visor shielding his eyes from the outside world that finally words began to tumble over each other past her lips.
“You flirt with me?” Her tone was a question but she had barely let him nod before she was going on. “I don’t get it. Why? You didn’t want to marry me, you just wanted someone to make your clan elders shut up and leave you alone and I just wanted a–” A home. The word stuck in her throat but he seemed to understand.
“Does it bother you?”
“N-no, don’t be stupid. Why would it bother me? It’s just…flirting.” Never in her life had she heard her own voice sound quite so unsteady.
Shino’s dark, multi-faceted eyes blinked slowly. “Why? Because we are married and I have come to enjoy your company. Because you are my wife and you deserve to be cherished as a wife should be. Because your laughter is hard to earn and all the more precious for it. That is why.”
“Oh,” Karin breathed. “ Oh .”
In the time since she had come to this place she had felt like many things. A pretender, unwanted, unneeded, bored, caged, yet despite all those content was much more frequent as of late. Shino’s quiet words rocked her as for the first time she felt something she hadn’t before, not in all the years she spent clawing and scratching out a place for herself in the cruel uncaring world. She felt like a woman. Desired. Wanted for no reason other than her own merits as a human being.
“Do it again,” she demanded softly and it made Shino smile.
“You wish for me to flirt with you?” When she nodded stiffly he echoed the gesture with a serious air. “Very well. Shall I tell you how beautiful I find you? How the scent of you fills our home and eases away all worries of the world outside? Should I tell you that this life we have together is a happy one that I am grateful to have been gifted with?”
“By the kami, I didn’t expect you to lay it on so thick!” Karin covered her face with both hands, mortified to realize her cheeks were warm.
“Ah, my apologies. I sought only to fulfil my wife’s request.”
It took a minute or two before she had collected herself enough to peek out between her fingers but when she did her gaze was as contemplative as his was amused. The shock that had flavored every emotion since her conversation with Sakura faded enough at last that she was able to think past it to possibilities that she could have never imagined before.
“Fulfill my request huh?” Slowly letting her arms fall to her sides, Karin took a deep breath and steeled her nerves. “Well then I have an actual request for you. Um…dinner. If- if you’re going to do this backwards and court me after we’re already married then you should at least do it right. Taking me out to dinner would be a good start.” Though her cheeks felt like they had caught fire Karin stubbornly kept her chin up to watch the curl of Shino’s lips, something deeply content settling in the eyes he showed to so few people. How long had he been falling in love without her noticing?
“Dinner would be my pleasure,” he replied simply.
It would also be hers, she was startled to realize. This wasn’t the fairy tale most girls dreamed of but Karin wasn’t quite as surprised as she should be finally coming to terms with the fact that perhaps this life wasn’t really so bad. Perhaps her husband wasn’t the only one that she hadn’t noticed getting attached.
When she pulled her chair over to sit a little closer that night Shino said nothing about it. And when they went to bed and he held out a hand she laid down to sleep on the same futon as her husband for the very first time without saying a word herself. Their marriage might have been arranged but it was odd to think that the relationship between themselves was only theirs to define. Karin couldn’t remember the last time she’d been handed such control over her own future.
She’d never given much thought to her wedding day but maybe it was time she started thinking about how she wanted to love the rest of her life. If she was allowed her say then it was going to be happy.