Chapter Text
Wei Wuxian was feeling restless.
He was sitting on the stairs of the Jingshi, enjoying a bottle of Emperor's Smile, because he had nothing better to do. Right now, Lan Zhan was probably sitting in a meeting, forced to listen while the petty sect leaders shouted over one another in search of favours from the Chief Cultivator. Or solutions to problems. But Wei Wuxian would have bet his money on favours. If he had any.
It had been over a month since the events of Guanyin Temple. The cultivation world was still reeling over what had happened. The stories spread, multiplied, twisted, and turned, until every person had their own version to share. As if they had been there. As if they knew.
Wei Wuxian let out a small chuckle. He wasn't sure if even he could accurately recount the events of the past few months. It wasn't that he didn't remember. This time, he did. Mostly. But try and make any man retell the tale with this many turns and deceptions, and see how far he gets. Especially if he's been dead for the past thirteen years. You're wrenched awake and for a moment everything seems unreal, like a bad fever dream. But the pain is real and it means you're awake. Alive when you're supposed to be dead. Would make anyone's mind spin. Would make anyone want to forget.
Not that he wasn't grateful for this second chance. He was, truly. But…
He was feeling restless.
When one wakes up from being dead for thirteen years, and the world around has kept on living in the meantime, it is an uncanny feeling. All the people around him have over a decade worth of memories, experiences, and time.
Time which he never had. Memories that he will never make.
He felt out of place. Out of time. He was never supposed to be in this time. But now he was and he had to live with it. It felt like a big practical joke thrown onto his face. Grinning, he shook his head slightly. Live with it? I would, if only I knew how.
"Mo Xuanyu, I know it wasn't you who ultimately played this joke on me, but I have to tell you, it's a good one. I hope you can appreciate it, wherever you are." He raised his bottle of Emperor's Smile in a slight salute, and downed the remaining liquid.
And I hope you found peace. You didn't deserve this. Neither did I.
___
He saw Lan Zhan walking up the hill, immediately feeling happiness bubbling inside him.
"Lan Zhan, you're back! All done for the day?"
Lan Zhan had stopped in front of him, looking down at Wei Wuxian who was still lounging on the stairs. He looked tired. Wei Wuxian felt a tinge of guilt at the thought. I'm here, just doing nothing all day and he has two different positions to oversee.
"Mn. All done." Lan Zhan extended his hand, which Wei Wuxian took, using it to pull himself up.
"Have you eaten?" Lan Zhan asked.
And still, after all that, he still wants to take care of me too... "Not yet. I was waiting for you."
"I will go get dinner."
He was still holding onto Lan Zhan's hand and used it to stop him. "No, I'll go. You've been gone all day, and I haven't done a thing. Now you go inside, relax and I'll go get the food." Before Lan Zhan could reply, he gave his hand a slight squeeze and let go, already walking past him and down the yard.
"I promise I won't add any extra spice to your bowls!"
When he came back, Lan Zhan was sitting by the table, meditating. His hair was down and he was already wearing his sleeping robes underneath the house robes. It should have been a restful image, but Wei Wuxian did not like how tired he looked. It made him angry. Stupid Lan Zhan, always being the responsible one. You should learn how to share some responsibilities.
Lan Zhan had stepped into the role of the Chief Cultivator about two weeks after the whole debacle with Jin Guanyao. The transition of power had been fast and he didn't really have any guidance. The remaining influential sect leaders had initially wanted Zewu Jun for this position, but he had refused and gone into seclusion. So apparently, if they could not get the first Jade, they would go for the second one. He was also overseeing the duties of an acting sect leader while Zewu Jun was in seclusion, so it meant he had very little free time.
Lan Zhan opened his eyes when Wei Wuxian set down the tray of food. They began eating in silence, though it did not last long. Wei Wuxian simply could not stay silent for an extended period of time. He couldn't even remember the last time Lan Zhan had told him to be quiet during meals.
"How long are the sect leaders staying here?"
Lan Zhan took his time to swallow whatever food he had in his mouth, and set his bowl down before answering. "Two more days."
"Good. I don't like how tired you look everytime you come back from those meetings."
Lan Zhan shot him a look, which would have been very neutral to most people, but Wei Wuxian could see the question behind it.
"Eh, I mean… I know you don't really enjoy dealing with them. I know you prefer when you get to work alone. And they are… very loud."
"Should not be saying that," Lan Zhan reprimanded him, but his tone had no weight behind it.
"But lying is forbidden."
Wei Wuxian could see the tiny smile in the corner of Lan Zhan's lips. It made him smile in turn.
"Wei Ying is loud too."
"What are you saying, Lan Zhan? You want me to be quiet? You know that is as likely as teaching Little Apple to not eat apples? You'll have your work cut out for you there." His tone was lighthearted. He knew Lan Zhan was teasing him and it made him feel more at ease.
He glanced at Lan Zhan, who had continued eating. He looked like he was going to fall asleep mid meal. It would have been cute, if he didn't know the cause. After they finished their dinner, Wei Wuxian ushered Lan Zhan to the bed, despite his arguments about cleaning up. "I'll do it. You be a good boy and sleep now, alright?"
Lan Zhan was too tired to even be offended by being called "a good boy". He settled on his back, turning his head to look at Wei Wuxian who was kneeling by the bed.
"I'm not really tired yet, I'll stay up a little longer." Without thinking, Wei Wuxian reached to pet Lan Zhan's hair. It was soft. He looked soft, and surprisingly young for a man in his thirties. "Goodnight, Lan Zhan," he whispered fondly.
"Mn." Lan Zhan nodded a little, closing his eyes. It did not take long for him to fall asleep.
After cleaning up the remains of their dinner, Wei Wuxian decided to go for a walk. Yes, it was forbidden to go outside during this hour, but that had never stopped him before. He grabbed a lantern and took a last look at Lan Zhan before sliding out of the door. He looked peaceful. Wei Wuxian really wanted to climb into that bed and just… be close to him. But he also didn't want to bother Lan Zhan's rest with his twisting and turning because he was unable to sleep.
He took a path into the mountain forest. The forest floor had dashes of snow here and there, but not enough to give out any light from the moon.
Wei Wuxian was mulling over the past few weeks. He felt… he wasn't sure what he felt. He didn't really sleep, which he was hiding from Lan Zhan. Not that it was difficult, Lan Zhan was so tired most evenings that he fell asleep instantly and slept through the night. Wei Wuxian didn't. It was not surprising though. He had too much energy and nothing to put it into. Of course he wasn't tired. He just had to…
He was so lost in thought that he almost tripped over a rabbit. The small creature was huddled in the middle of the path.
“Hey little bunny, what are you doing so far away from your friends?” He picked up the rabbit with his free hand. “I guess I have to take you back then? Hm? Can’t leave you out here alone, now can I? Aaa-a don’t try to run! Should have known you only like Lan Zhan to hold you, huh?”
With the rabbit safely cooped up against his chest, he walked over to the area where the rest of the animals resided. The hill was dotted with balls of fur, so white they almost shined in the moonlight. It was like some sort of a strange garden. Lan Zhan has a garden of bunnies. The thought made him grin. Maybe one day, I can have a new lotus garden too…
___
Next morning, he woke up around noon. Lan Zhan was long gone, already back to work, same as every morning by this time. Wei Wuxian needed breakfast. Well, it was closer to lunch, but he had just woken up, so it still counted as breakfast. Picking up his clothes from where he had tossed them last night, he held them up in front of him.
The outer robe was riddled with blades of grass. He might have laid in the grassy hill last night, surrounded by curious rabbits coming up to sniff at him. He could just leave out the outer robe but the last couple of days had been kind of cold. He made a face at that, wrinkling his nose.
I’m way too hungry for this.
He just needed something decent to wear while getting his food.
He decided to borrow some of Lan Zhan’s robes. The white robe he picked up had a nice silky feel to it, with light texturing on the surface. It was also a little loose in some areas but you couldn't really tell, not without closer inspection. Lan Zhan had slightly wider shoulders than him. Wei Wuxian was taller though, not by much, but it still counted. Not that anyone really noticed it. He suddenly had a vague flashback to Tanzhou city, Huisang suddenly commenting on his height when he had tried to look past the sea of people standing in front of them, and Lan Zhan giving him a very strange look.
Were you annoyed, Lan Zhan? I bet you were…
He knew his posture wasn't the best, but he didn't really care. Why would he? All his life he's been told to sit properly, stand properly, act properly. Hell, by Lan sect rules, he probably didn't even sleep properly, because he liked to sleep on his side. Screw it all.
He needed some food.
He skipped down to the buildings that housed the kitchen and the shared dining hall. He rarely ate there, mostly just picking up his food from the kitchen and taking it back to Jingshi. If the juniors were present, they would invite him to eat with them, but usually their schedules didn’t align. If Lan Qiren was there, he definitely didn’t stay. That man was still looking at him like Wei Wuxian was the bane of his existence.
There were two people who Wei Wuxian did not recognize, standing outside the dining hall's entrance, having a very hushed conversation. Based on their clothing, he could tell they weren’t servants. He assumed they were Cultivators from some of the minor sects visiting the Chief Cultivator this week. He gave them a quick bow, and entered the dining hall. He would have not cared otherwise, but overhearing the name Hanguang Jun made him stop in his tracks. His interest was piqued and he ducked behind the door so he could overhear the rest of the conversation. He suddenly felt like a teenager again.
"...so stubborn! I've never met anyone so unreasonable. Unlike the last one."
"I heard that Lianfang Zun was meddling with some very dark things. Demonic even."
"Like the Yiling Patriarch? I wonder if that's more than a coincidence?"
"What is?"
"Maybe he influenced Lianfang Zun with his demonic powers? How else would such a nice person turn to something so dark?"
"I heard the Yiling Patriarch is here. In Gusu."
"Oh? Has another Chief Cultivator around his finger too? Such a shame. Hanguang Jun has always seemed such an upstanding man."
"He has been rumored to have a rather strange relationship with the Yiling Patriarch. Some even go as far as…"
Wei Wuxian decided he had heard enough. He left, walking swiftly to the opposite direction from the men, or else there might be murder in Cloud Recess today.
He was fuming. How did those bastards dare to consider that Lan Zhan was somehow under his influence! He was used to people spreading the wildest rumours about him. But Lan Zhan? He could not stand the idea that he might be standing in the way of Lan Zhan's success as the Chief Cultivator. It was all still so new. So precarious. People had always held Lan Zhan to a higher standard than most. Impossible standards even, and he knew Lan Zhan did the same for himself. He didn't want to ruin it all. He would make sure that did not happen. He just had to…
He had to leave.