Archive of Our Own

this year’s summer brings heat that makes mingyu irritable. he sweats easily, you see, droplets of sweat dripping down his temples. today is an important day and he has to look polished at all costs.

he is tall, handsome with eyes that sparkle in curiosity and a goofy smile that makes him less intimidating as he apologizes to strangers he bumps into. minghao once said that mingyu’s face has a lot of flaws once you take your time to study it. and minghao has and still does study mingyu’s face, quietly and peacefully, as they spend days sprawled on the bed and at peace.

despite the heat, mingyu still makes sure to run using all his energy. because even if minghao is no longer his in this lifetime, it is okay.

mingyu makes it to the venue just a few minutes before minghao is about to cut the ribbon. breathless, he pushes through the crowd and stands in front. a few people complain that he’s blocking the view but it’s okay. they just don’t understand how important this is. they’re not special. not in the way he and minghao are.

soulmates, that’s the word.

you see, mingyu and minghao made a very big mistake in their first lifetime together that cost the lives of hundreds of people. the gods were pretty angry and they cursed the two to eternal damnation in the form of endless reincarnations but with a twist. yes, they will be able to see each other but once they start to say those eight letters that makes the world go around, someone is bound to die.

usually, that someone is mingyu.

there’s also this guy jeonghan who always kills him. sometimes he would have nightmares that keep him up late. mingyu makes sure that wherever he goes, he checks his surroundings. several cctv cameras are spread out throughout his house and basically, he’s paranoid. because while being reincarnated, meeting the love of his life again, and trying to get the other to fall in love again with him is fun, dying isn’t.

he’s scared of the black void before the light.

however, instead of living his life in fear he tries to maximize his time with minghao. even if in return he gets death glares and at one point he had to beg minghao to not file a restraining order on him. they just agreed that mingyu would not talk to him that much even if they do see each other.

that’s okay. there were lifetimes when they didn’t even meet or if they did meet, the moment was so fleeting that it left mingyu crazy the first time it happened.

today, minghao just opened up his atelier with the help of his business partner and now boyfriend, hansol. they’re pretty famous for one, being gay. two, being very rich and three, for being fashionable. (then again, with minghao’s help, anyone can look fashionable. mingyu doesn’t want to give hansol too much credit knowing how he dressed before.) 

take chan for example, who waves casually to mingyu once he sees him. chan is minghao’s logistics guy and a hoobae from their university. mingyu puked on his shirt once at a party and the dude was so chill he didn’t hold a grudge. that, or maybe he was just too drunk to notice. through minghao's guidance, he went from simple t-shirts and loose jeans to decent shirts and flattering skinnies. he also learned how to style his hair properly but that's mingyu's contribution to his level up.

“i thought the guards would stop you,” chan jokes with a smug smile.

mingyu laughs, pushing his hair back that had fallen in front of his face due to his running. he’s behind three rows of people now, watching as minghao makes a speech and gets ready to cut the ribbon to XI_I’s shop. chan hands him the camera and the familiar weight of the device automatically signaled him to lift it and snap a picture. he enjoyed taking pictures rather than standing in front of the camera. it's one of the things he and minghao bonded over, although minghao's status did require him to be the one being photographed more often than not.

“hyung, make sure to take a picture with hansol hyung as well, okay? or i’ll get fired.”

“fine, fine,” mingyu responds with a small forced laugh, twisting the body of the lens to capture hansol in the frame begrudgingly. at that moment he almost drops the camera when they kiss as the ribbon is cut but he tightens his grip and take a few more shots.

it’s okay. it’s just one lifetime, mingyu thinks time and time again. it's his way of comforting himself.

he hands the camera back to chan who looks at him suspiciously. a glance at the younger and he could tell that he's both irked and questioning why he’s reacting this way. for them, it’s been two years since he and minghao broke up. enough time in the gay world for moving on. but for mingyu it feels like lost time again.

a few more photos after, the guests are  then led inside by the bouncers. once inside, mingyu takes note of the sleek, slate gray walls left bare except for a few prints of minghao’s paintings. the originals are surely at minghao’s studio, well preserved and only shown to close friends and relatives. statement clothing pieces are displayed on faceless silver mannequins with different colored paint splashes on different parts of them that are scattered in the area. knowing minghao and his keen eye for detail, he probably customized it themselves. the clothes on the mannequins are clearly pieces that are either only one of its kind or made only for a select few. as he walks further inside of the atelier, the scent of roses wafts in the air gently.

the promise of being in minghao’s presence again makes mingyu brave past the crowd. there is always an energy that compels the two of them to find each other. in the lifetimes mingyu could not find minghao, he had searched for him in other people. someone that looks, sounds, smells or reminds mingyu of him would do. it's an addiction. a curse.

and as sadomasochistic as it may seem, mingyu enjoys seeing minghao struggle not to acknowledge him. 

not surprisingly, minghao finds him first.

time slows down. he's read a lot of fictional books in the course of his existence to know that this moment is commonly described whenever two lovers meet again. however, he is aware that there are too few people who experience this. he knows it's the same for minghao from the times they would wonder about how their relationship evolved and knows it applies to him now as well.

a single punch on his back compels him to turn around and when he does, he sees minghao has changed into a simple black turtleneck and a matching checkered suit with the same splash paint pattern as the mannequins on the upper right sleeve. he could easily have been a mannequin with how blank the expression on his face is.

mingyu knows him enough to know that he’s pissed but he has to control it in front of the crowd.

“what are you doing here?” minghao asks in a clipped tone.

with a grand gesture, mingyu shows minghao the invite that he asked chan to make for him. he sends a silent apology to the younger, flashing a toothy grin at minghao. “got invited. i did help, remember?” by help, mingyu did help design the interior of his atelier even before minghao even had the confidence to open it up. 

minghao furrows his brows, running his hand down his face. he looks around to see no one is looking and steps closer to the other. mingyu catches a faint whiff of his cologne. again, it’s a different scent with a more citrus undertone than his usual floral ones. he wonders if minghao tries just as hard as he does to resist so he changes everything that reminds him of mingyu. lucky for him, it seems to work. mingyu can’t say the same.

“well, take a few pictures or whatnot. but leave right away. i don’t--”

“want hansol seeing you here with me,” mingyu continues, giving him a smile. “i know. i’ll leave soon.”

although minghao doesn’t believe this, he leaves with a short nod. when minghao turns away to join hansol and their friends, mingyu sees all the times when minghao left in a split second. a colorful slideshow of memories flashes before his eyes, sharp pain throbbing in his chest from seeing them all. from when they first met once upon a time, the lives after and a flurry of emotions overwhelms him. quickly, he threads through the crowd to find the exit. staying here would cause a commotion knowing that there are eyes on him from every corner and as much as it pains him to leave minghao, today isn’t about him. 

once he finds a bench outside beside a vending machine, he collapses there and closes his eyes. the memories fly by faster now, not even in chronological order and his headache makes him gasp out in pain. he takes deep, even breaths, rummaging through his pocket and grasps at the small bag containing his painkillers. he pops one in his mouth, the bitter taste calling him back to the present.

one of the many punishments that’s been given to him is the ability to remember every lifetime. it’s not as easy as simply reminiscing. it’s looking directly at the sunlight at a very short distance. you feel it white hot burning and the sensation spreads from his chest to his body slowly. mingyu doesn't dwell too long on memories for the fear that once he does, he’ll blow up like a firecracker or just disappear. there are so many things he doesn’t know about their punishment that he’s scared of tipping the scale too far.

it’s also why he can’t chase after minghao as much as he wants to.

a few more deep breaths and the painkiller has taken effect. he rises and heads to the vending machine to buy an energy drink that he chugs in one go. 

there isn’t much to do now other than go home and contemplate what had happened. however, being at home meant having to be alone. and that’s always something mingyu avoids. today especially. 

cafes are his favorite places. 

this is where people mind their own business. a place where he can be around people but still have time to wind down. he buys a random book from the best seller list aisle at a bookstore before heading there, just for props really. it would look like he's waiting for someone if he only has his phone to fiddle with. knowing he'll spend a good hour or two there, he didn't want to seem like a loser.

a new cafe in sinchon is his destination. he's seen a few pictures of it on instagram and enjoyed the 90s vibes it gives off with the diner chairs and led light signs on the wall. the tables and chairs also remind mingyu of diners in the west and they even play music from a jukebox which piques his interest. it’s not as crowded as he thought, which surprises him. after all, they just opened. however, they did have a few promos as a marketing strategy and the overall ambiance of the cafe felt nice. he avails their buy one take one promo and orders an iced americano that comes with a free cream cheese bagel, and finds a cozy spot beside one of the windows.

he wasn’t expecting to be engrossed in the book he’s reading. blindly reaching for something and buying it did him some good today. it’s a self help book that tells the life of a man who was once riddled with debt and how he rose to be a successful businessman.

it amazes him how normal humans have such a short amount of time to live in this world and achieve something worth noting down. for decades he’s searched every book to see if the tale of him and minghao have been written down. much to his disappointment, most books describe his father’s reign with just a short paragraph, mostly highlighting the war that slaughtered hundreds. but he reckoned the gods probably had something to do with this. 

it’s not like the survivors can tell the tale.

an obnoxious ringing calls his attention elsewhere and when he looks up, he sees the back of a familiar head. he almost laughs. at least he tried to blend in.

“seokmin,” mingyu calls him.

the other flinches in his seat, slowly turning around to face mingyu. he’s sitting a few tables in front of mingyu. laughing, mingyu gestures for the other to take the seat in front of him to which his friend accepts.

mingyu enlisted seokmin’s family to keep the journals he writes in every in life. they also make sure that he doesn’t forget any crucial details because one event might give them a clue on how to escape this endless loop. other than that, they’re also the ones who make sure that he’s safe, well fed and living comfortably. the first lee jeonghan met had been his royal eunuch and the moment he saw lee taekyung again in the next life, mingyu knew that  he will be reincarnated multiple times.

seokmin's family  are the only pure souls he encounters in each lifetime and thus he places his trust wholeheartedly in them.

“i didn’t want to interrupt you,” seokmin says, laughing sheepishly.

mingyu nods, acknowledging the silly excuse, and closes the book, setting it aside. “have you ordered?” 

seokmin shakes his head. “i haven’t, but it’s okay. i just wanted to deliver bad news.”

to this day, seokmin’s grandfather is alive at the age of ninety eight. he’s mostly at home and occasionally, mingyu would go on walks with his friend while they reminisce about life. they both knew that his time will be up soon so they make the most out of it. still, no matter how many times he leaves, mingyu’s heart still aches at the loss of a friend. he dreads that today seokmin brings news of his friend's passing.

“okay,” mingyu responds, cold numbness spreading throughout his body.

“he’s been spotted.”

mingyu stills unnaturally. 

“they saw him in gangnam in a pub. so you should probably avoid going there tonight if you plan on clubbing.”

seokmin peers at mingyu, trying to make sense of how he looks. they’ve known each other since young and practically grew up together. but there’s always been something special about him. he came to know what it was when he turned sixteen and was assigned to be his friend, confidante and also lowkey bodyguard for the rest of his life.

at first, he didn’t understand the fuss. even if he’s told that the other is special, he still couldn’t believe it. but one night while he visited the archives in the basement of his grandfather’s house and looked through all the pictures, he knew that mingyu isn’t like them at all. it was quite a shock that took time to wear off. he even started treating mingyu a bit differently at first.

“the prince… he’s been through a lot. it’s our task to make his stay here as comfortable as possible until the reincarnation process stops,” his grandfather had told him when he was found staring at a picture from the sixties of mingyu and his grandfather.

“thank you, seokmin,” mingyu tells him hollowly and forces himself to smile mostly to comfort his friend. a part of him wants to run back to minghao and make sure he’s alright. but he knows that minghao is safer if he isn’t near him. and if he’s back...then that just means it’s better that he ends this before he reaches minghao.

“mingyu--” 

mingyu slides the book over to seokmin, standing up and places his hand on the other’s shoulder. “it’s okay, everything’s ready. we’ll see each other again.”

although seokmin tries, he couldn’t help but sob. mingyu can’t afford to comfort him. once he’s been seen, it means that time is ticking faster than ever. he needs to move fast.

there have been multiple attempts to escape this. he locked himself inside his house basically living a life in solitude, moved to another country where no one could possibly know him, changed his name and many more. the lee family helped him with everything. still, jeonghan manages to find him and the moment he does, there’s no escaping.

once upon a time, he and jeonghan even met as kids. at first, he thought how could a kid kill another kid? there’s no way he can, not in this lifetime. they had been neighbors at that time and saw each other at school. he was two years older but all the kids knew each other since it was a small school and mingyu did everything in his power to ignore him. it got to the point that he refused to go to school, troubling his parents and friends.

a few months after, a car lost control and was supposed to hit jeonghan but the driver reacted last minute, sending the car twirling towards the pedestrian lane and hitting a utility pole as well as him. he knows because the last thing he saw then was jeonghan’s face and his scream. mingyu went out for the first time in a while then just to get some ice cream.

it was dubbed as a freak accident by the media. but all mingyu knew is that jeonghan is the cause of his death, directly or not.

after parting with seokmin, he walks to where he parked his car just near minghao's atelier, hops in and drives his way to gangnam. 

it doesn’t take him long to arrive. mostly because he’s driving a shy of the speed limit. once he steps foot there, it’s only a matter of time until the sick red string of fate brings them together.

the alcohol helps.

there’s a few acquaintances that greet him. he’s a regular at many of the clubs and pubs scattered around seoul because ever since he and minghao broke up, this is what he found to be the most effective way to distract himself. decades may pass but the only thing that makes him forget about time and its limitations is alcohol. he’s going to die tonight so might as well make himself easy prey for jeonghan.

under the neon lights surrounded in smoke and bodies, mingyu feels as if he’s just like everyone else. numbers on pieces of paper, written on his skin or even whispered against his lips are exchanged and he almost feels sad that he wouldn’t be able to contact them all after this. the bass blares loudly, syncing with his heartbeat and mingyu looks up, stilling where he’s standing and looks up at the disco ball.

ah, another life over.

the bile rises up his throat and that’s his cue to slither past the crowd to the bathroom. once he’s free, he uses the wall for support while making his way to the bathroom. there’s usually no line to the men’s bathroom and he’s inside a cubicle in a matter of minutes, throwing up until he couldn’t anymore.

“you okay there, bud?”

mingyu hears a knock on his cubicle door and hits the flush, pushing himself off of the marble floor that’s surely seen better days. once up, he opens the door and bumps into the person who’s been knocking on his door.

he catches a whiff of vanilla, sweet and intoxicating as well as menthol cigarettes. a bunch of other smells that makes mingyu almost reluctant to pull away.

but when he does, he suddenly feels the familiar burn in his chest. he meets jeonghan’s eyes, sparkling with amusement as he regards mingyu curiously with their faces inches apart. his hair is dyed a trendy silver with some of his roots showing, pushed back and further allowing anyone to appreciate his good looks. when he smiles at mingyu, it almost makes the taller dizzy. there’s the mischievous glint, the smile that makes you feel as if he has the power to bring you to heaven or drag you down to hell.

“woah, you need help?” jeonghan asks, concerned as mingyu pushes away from him and walks out the door.

the music is louder than ever and he has a headache. all he could see are dark shapes, occasional faces illuminated by the neon lights and spotlights. he places a hand on the wall again, walking past people he barely knows until he almost reaches the door.

it doesn’t take long for jeonghan to catch up to him.

once jeonghan’s fingers wrap around his wrists, he feels hot. like every fiber of his being was suddenly lit on fire. briefly, he thinks if this is how he dies. just because of a touch? no guns, no knives or anything like that? but instead, jeonghan pushes him against the wall and tip toes to whisper against his ear.

“i’ll call a taxi, okay? come with me.” 

confused and dizzy, he lets jeonghan drag him out until the refreshing cool night air fans against his face.

he opens his eyes to see the other under the street light. he has a grin on his face, beads of sweat trickling down his forehead. if he squints, he sees how bruised his lips are. probably from making out with some random stranger. he’s clad in a purple silk shirt, ripped skinny jeans and a pair of leather chelsea boots and carries himself with such ease and confidence that it startles mingyu.

this person is someone who is so sure of himself and knows the effect he has on people. unlike mingyu who mostly fakes his confidence, jeonghan’s radiates from his body. even the simple smile he shoots mingyu makes his eyes widen.

other than the lifetime when they were kids, this is probably the most he’s spent with jeonghan. even if they are just standing outside of a club, looking at each other.

ah, he probably should say something.

“thank you,” he says politely, running a hand through his clothes to make sure he looks decent.

“you’re welcome,” jeonghan says sweetly, approaching him. “i was thinking of going out and happened to see you so i thought i should help. you look like the clumsy type.”

despite himself, mingyu flushes a bright red in embarrassment. “i’m not. there’s just a lot of people and--”

“i was joking.” jeonghan laughs like a child, waving a hand that he uses to pat mingyu's shoulder. the taller flinches. “want to sober up there?”

he turns and looks at the convenience store a few blocks away. he was about to decline when jeonghan pushes him and starts walking without even waiting for him to accept or decline. so this lifetime’s jeonghan is a bit pushy , mingyu notes as he tries his best not to trip while following.

surprisingly, there’s only one man who also looks like he was clubbing as well as the cashier present. jeonghan buys some ramen, a big bottle of water and cheese. mingyu takes too long to pick what he wants and settles with some water, instant ddukbokki and cheese. what surprises mingyu is jeonghan offering to pay for everything as if they’re friends.

is this part of his plan? winning his trust then ending his life?

there are two microwaves; and it helps make their meals fast. mingyu finishes first and sits at one of the benches. jeonghan sits in front of him, startling him that he almost knocks over his bottle of water. a laugh comes from jeonghan, shaking his head before he dives in and eats his ramen. although mingyu is hesitant, he does the same.

stomachs full and warm, it’s jeonghan who starts the conversation first after he throws away their cups. he’s playing with his water bottle, eyes on mingyu. “i’ve seen you around before.”

mingyu stills. “oh?”

“yup,” the older says casually, nodding. “that’s why i thought i’d approach you this time. call it… a sense of familiarity? whenever i see you around, i always had the urge to talk to you but before i know it you’re occupied with someone else.”

there’s not a hint of animosity in jeonghan’s tone. it’s just like he’s stating the obvious. mingyu’s also been very good at telling lies now and what he hears seems like the truth. “so you’ve been watching?” mingyu asks. probably so he can make his move . 

jeonghan flashes mingyu a disarming smile. “i have. it just so happened that today was my chance so i had to shoot my shot.”

was he… flirting with him?

mingyu’s confusion must be obvious because the next thing he knows is that jeonghan is standing up, sitting beside him and suddenly kisses him.

what happens next feels like a fever dream.

they couldn’t stop kissing. it’s like whenever mingyu catches himself and pulls away even if it’s just to breathe, he finds his lips automatically latching onto jeonghan’s. they kiss as if they’re in a frenzy and soon their hands are everywhere. jeonghan slips a hand underneath mingyu’s shirt, running blunt fingernails against his abs that contract under his touch.

mingyu’s hands find themselves against jeonghan’s back, pulling him closer as the kiss deepens. 

there’s no alcohol to blame because they’re almost sober. the cheese could have been blamed but it couldn’t be blamed for them pulling away only to hail a taxi and continue to make out. the driver asks for an address and jeonghan answers, only to be cut off by mingyu’s lips against his neck, nipping at the skin and causing him to moan in delight.

they laugh in between, mingyu pointing out how confused the driver looks and how he shifts his eyes from the rearview mirror to the road. jeonghan laughs again, like he’s having the time of his life, and sits on mingyu’s lap, kissing the younger’s neck.

every kiss and touch feels like he’s being lit up and he wanted more. as weird as it sounds, all he could think is wanting more and that he hasn’t felt this alive in a while. there’s a moment before they go down the cab and pay where mingyu holds jeonghan away for a second, searching the older’s eyes for any malicious intent but all he sees is the same look he has before jeonghan pulls him out and up a flight of stairs.

“i live alone,” jeonghan informs mingyu once they reach his floor. he's basically saying that they're not going to bother anyone. the door is flung open carelessly once he hits the passcode and the beeping sound alerts them it's open and mingyu attempts to close it as he’s removing his shoes.

“i see you still have your manners even at a time like this,” jeonghan breathes out, laughing.

staggering, mingyu steps inside the house in his socks and finds jeonghan within arm’s reach and kisses him again. no time is wasted as they start to undress and find themselves in jeonghan’s bed minutes after.

they laugh and kiss and whisper teases in between. jeonghan tells him that he didn’t think height had anything to do with dick size and mingyu laughs, embarrassed. 

when mingyu pulls away, he’s illuminated by the moon from the window at the head of jeonghan’s bed. although it’s a brief moment, jeonghan sees a flash of something, the roof disappearing and stars lighting up the sky under the pale moon behind mingyu. but it was soon gone as mingyu starts kissing the soft inside of his thighs and prepping him. 

and then the night passes by, the other’s name on their lips.

mingyu leaves in the morning, leaving jeonghan a note with his number. he had contemplated against it but it felt disrespectful to leave without doing anything. it's better than making the other breakfast and staying longer than intended. 

despite having spent a lot of time in clubs, this is probably his second one night stand. he didn’t know the correct customs or how he should act. from what his friends had shared with him, some people like to pretend it didn’t happen. there are some cases where they continue and it doesn’t become a one night stand anymore. there have been cases in which people found their true loves in situations like this but mingyu would rather forget it happened. he's just even more confused now than ever.

he had to go back to gangnam for his car. expecting that everything will be where he left it, he instead sees seokmin inside his car, crying. mingyu stands in front of his car, watching his friend shed unnecessary tears. the gullible fellow is even holding a printed photo of him. probably the one he gave him when they graduated and also the one to be used for his funeral photo.

it takes seokmin a few minutes to recover and when he looks up, mingyu could hear the yelling from inside the car and see how he’s jumping around as if he’s seen a ghost. to make it funnier, seokmin starts rubbing his palms together in prayer with is eyes closed.

that’s enough teasing.

mingyu fishes for his car keys and opens his car, seokmin yelling again. as mingyu walks closer, he cowers in fear and only when he opens the door to flick his friend’s forehead does he stop yelling.

“mingyu!” seokmin says, stepping out of the car and flings his arms around the taller male. mingyu could feel the wetness of his tears mixed with snot against his shirt and grimaces. still, he couldn’t pry the other’s arms away from him and instead pats his back, comforting him.

“are you that sad i didn’t die?” he jokes which causes seokmin to cry even more.

“i thought you really died! grandfather told me to pick up your car and i just couldn’t stop crying thinking you were dead.” seokmin says in between sniffles, finally pulling away and laughing while crying which makes mingyu laugh because he looks so ridiculous.

“i’ll explain on the way home,” mingyu says, gesturing for his friend to hop in the car again.

“so what you’re meaning to say is...you fucked him so he won’t kill you?” seokmin says, gesturing wildly in disbelief.

a snort leaves mingyu’s nose, scratching the back of his neck. they’re waiting for the stop light to turn green. “i didn’t intend for it to happen. it just did. i would say it’s the alcohol but...the moment he touched me…”

“you got horny.” seokmin guesses, looking at him and expecting him to agree.

the light turns green then and they drive off, mingyu sighing. “no. it was like… fire. it’s the one i feel whenever i regain my memories but instead of hurting it was like...i wanted more of it. i don’t know if he felt it but whenever we would pull away, every part of my body had to come back for more. it’s almost like--”

mingyu doesn’t finish the sentence, feeling a dark feeling at the pit of his stomach.

“i need to make a detour,” he declares, turning the car around abruptly and speeding up.

“yah!” seokmin yells, holding on to dear life. “where are we going?”

“i need to check something.”

mingyu rings the doorbell to minghao’s apartment. he and hansol aren’t living together yet, mostly because they both prefer their own private space. he remembers when he and minghao tried to live together. it was messy and he often ended up cleaning the place most of the time.

minghao was too engrossed in his projects to talk to him for days.

when minghao opens the door, he wears a natural scowl on his face. despite that, he doesn’t close it, leaning against the door frame.

“what do you need?” he croaks out. judging from the way he looks, he just woke up a few minutes ago. he’s probably preparing his coffee, mingyu catching a whiff of it.

seokmin’s inside the car, not wanting to partake in any weird tests mingyu does. but he needs to do this, his gut tells him so.

“hi. this might sound weird but can you hold my hand?” he extends his hand out, palm up and looks at minghao earnestly.

naturally, minghao asks, “why?”

“i need to check something,” mingyu answers, almost whining. minghao asks too many questions.

“will you leave soon after i do?”

mingyu nods and finally, minghao complies.

there’s the familiar burning sensation, starting from where minghao touches him until it reaches his chest. by now it’s a familiar burning and aching feeling that he doesn’t even flinch no matter how much it hurts. he closes his eyes, waiting for the burn to compel him to close the distance between him and minghao.

minghao pulls away. “you’re being weird again,” he mutters, closing the door.

seokmin hits him the moment he gets back inside the car. “yah, what were you doing going back to your ex’s house after having a one night stand? are you crazy?”

the feeling isn’t there anymore. the unimaginable pull that feels as though gravity is pulling their physical bodies together and then the hot fire that lights his soul, making him feel alive. why didn’t he feel that just now? even a brush of minghao’s fingers against his skin is enough to make him crazy. what is this? 

“something’s not right,” mingyu declares and shakes his head.

“yeah, what’s not right is you thinking it’s okay to still visit minghao like this even if you agreed to leave him be.”

instead of answering, mingyu simply drives. the only person alive who can answer this right now is seokmin’s grandfather. knowing how he usually does things, he’ll be preparing for mingyu’s funeral right now and going through the journal he kept for this lifetime.

the lee family hasn’t always been wealthy. the majority of their blood line served as slaves or died too young. but ever since the first lee served mingyu, the gods have smiled upon them and granted them good fortune for generations to come. 

mingyu recalls vividly how much lee taekyung, his faithful eunuch, cried and begged for him to stay at the palace and not run away. he was loyal both to him and the kingdom, and would always encourage mingyu to do the right thing. it just so happened that for mingyu at that time, the right thing was to run away with minghao.

the family house has been passed down for four generations already. it all started when mingyu bought them a plot of land. back then, the subdivision was filled with tall trees that stretched far. many developers believed the land to be cursed as well as no flower would ever bloom on the soil. only mingyu believed. years after, there stands a large mansion past golden gates, only the lee clan and their family can stay inside the gates. they also need to live with a set of rules, mostly saying the same thing: always protect mingyu and don’t let the truth out.

of course, there have been cases in which his identity had been at risk. this is usually why he tries to be lowkey (and why he eventually had to break up with minghao too). photographs are also kept to a minimum. although he isn’t particularly in a lot of history books, there’s still a few paintings of him floating around. one avid historian by the name of jeon wonwoo even tried to interview him once to see if he’s directly related to the king. but he didn’t get far before seokmin managed to shoo him away.

the mansion resembles a modern fortress, all lines and angles, large glass windows on both the first and second floor allowing light to enter. it’s stylishly decorated due to mingyu’s sense and the third floor is usually where the living quarters are located, a flight of stairs from there leads up to the rooftop where they mostly spend swimming during the summer and grilling. the basement is where the archives are located as well as a room for one special individual.

said individual waves when mingyu descends from the stairs, waving a chips bag at him. mingyu grins, approaching him with a curious look.

“hyung,” mingyu addresses him, arching a brow. “it’s rare to see you out of your room.”

“i was hungry,” jihoon says, shoving chips inside his mouth. “why are you guys down here? shouldn’t you be dead?” there’s no remorse or anything in jihoon’s voice, only curiosity. 

“do you want me to be dead that bad, hyung?” he asks with a frown, slipping his hand inside the chips bag and snags a few pieces, running away before jihoon could kick him.

lee jihoon is a new soul. when mingyu and him met, he was wearing dirty clothes, soaked in the rain, hiding behind taekyung, seokmin’s grandfather. that night, taekyung almost ran him over with his car due to lack of sleep trying to nurse mingyu’s unnatural fever. instead of mingyu’s house, taekyung had taken him to the mansion. when he came back, he brought the orphaned jihoon and took turns taking care of them.

as it turned out out, jihoon was very reliable. he took orders well and with his help, mingyu recovered eventually. when morning came, taekyung tried calling every orphanage and police headquarters to see if a missing child had been reported. this went on for weeks and mingyu gained a new friend in the older.

after months, social services came to take jihoon so he could come to an orphanage. he threw a huge fit and mingyu did as well, crying and begging taekyung to let jihoon stay, even swearing that he’ll curse the lee family if they disobey him.

whatever the reason is, taekyung eventually started the process of adopting jihoon. they went to the same school and grew up together like family. more so when jihoon learned the truth about mingyu. 

today, jihoon contributes as the “tech guy” as mingyu calls him. he hacks into the cctv system and does regular checks to see if jeonghan is around. other than that, he enjoys gaming and making music. 

“where’s dad?” mingyu asks, shoving one chip after the other inside his mouth and chewing obnoxiously to irritate jihoon.

“he’s over there, sitting in a corner and looking through your baby pictures,” jihoon answers.

mingyu smiles sadly. “thanks. seokmin ah, could you tell one of the helpers to prepare some food and clothes for me?” 

nodding from where he's standing, seokmin smiles. “okay.”

padding further inside the basement, he finds taekyung sitting on one of the sofas while flipping through a photo album. the only pictures of him available are kept in the archives. no one is allowed to take it outside and each has a tracking on it that jihoon had installed “just to be safe”. mingyu wouldn’t be able to think about these things had it not been for him.

his shoulders shake slightly, softly crying. he covers his mouth to not make a sound, fingers rubbing against the photograph. moments like this make mingyu feel thankful. although he knows the burden he put on taekyung and those that came after him made him feel guilty sometimes, it’s because of them that he’s able to exist as peacefully as he could for the majority of his reincarnations.

“shouldn’t you be feeling happy i’m dying soon?” mingyu finally asks, walking towards the elder.

taekhyung stands up, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand and bows. “your highness.”

“still as stubborn as ever.” mingyu laughs and sits beside him. taekyung looks exactly like seokmin except older, the lines on his eyes and mouth deep from smiling and laughing. it’s one of mingyu’s favorite things, noticing details of his friends’ features as they grow older. mostly because he often wondered how he would look like if he lived that long.

“it’s part of the custom,” taekyung says in a matter-of-fact tone, closing the photo album neatly. “my father who also served you told me to always address you using your correct title. i don’t know how you let seokmin get away with not doing so.”

shrugging, mingyu leans heavily against the couch, looking up at the white ceiling. “i don’t mind.”

“well, i do. i should put him through the lessons again--”

“jeonghan didn’t try to kill me this time,” mingyu interrupts. “instead of feeling fear… i felt a sense of awe. we held hands since he hauled me outside of the club. we ate together and kissed--”

he could hear taekyung’s gasp. “your highness--”

“i know.” mingyu laughs, placing a hand on his eyes. “i can still see everything so vividly. it was only for a few hours but i remember every detail of his face and not in the sense that i need to because he’s my killer. but… i felt the same sensation i felt when i was with minghao.”

“that’s impossible. for years, jeonghan has been your grim reaper,” taekyung whispers, looking perplexed as he tries to digest this new information. 

“yeah, that’s it. has this ever happened before?” sitting up, mingyu leans closer to taekyung, searching for the answer in his eyes but all he sees is confusion. 

taekyung shakes his head, reaching out to take mingyu’s hand and firmly grasps it with both of his. “no, it has not, your highness. i know you must be wanting answers that’s why you came here in a hurry but i can’t offer you anything. all i know is what my father told me and i have told you everything there is i know.”

there’s almost a sense of disappointment that mingyu feels upon hearing his words which surprises him. however, he doesn’t voice this out to taekyung and instead tells him he’ll wash up and eat. maybe even take a nap because he barely had any sleep last night. all he could do is look at jeonghan’s face, the rise and fall of his chest, how long his lashes are and ultimately how beautiful he looked.

this is bad, he thinks, fishing his phone from his pocket because it’s been vibrating for the past five minutes and when he reads the messages, he feels a ghost of a flutter in his stomach.

from: unknown number

 

should have woken me up~

 

guessing this isn’t the last time i’ll see you?

mingyu avoids jeonghan and clubbing at all costs. he even changes his number, knowing he won’t be able to resist answering the calls and texts that come his way. 

all he does is research, reading through the journals he’s written in his past life where mentions of jeonghan are there. there are only entries where he wrote sightings of him and how he is angry, scared and hopeful that he won’t be found by the older. after two weeks of basically living in the mansion’s basment, mingyu gives up with the help of seokmin who basically kicks him out of the mansion, telling him to go home.

“auntie keeps calling us since you weren’t home. she said she wanted to drop off some side dishes,” his friend yells before closing the front door.

mingyu has no attachment towards his family in any lifetime. perhaps it was because of how he had been raised during his first life, lacking love and nurturing from his parents, the king and queen. he was the second born originally, and only after his older brother got killed did he gain their interest and affection. all of it felt like he was being given hand-me-downs, used and abused pieces of fabric that he's forced to wear.

it’s easier this way too. he doesn’t want to leave more people feeling sad for him when he dies.

once a week, his mother leaves him side dishes to eat. usually, he lets her in to cook and they sit together while catching up. through the years he’s had enough practice to fake most things and she dotes on him endlessly. a part of him feels sorry for being so distant towards her and his father but knows it is the right thing to do. 

inside his car, he’s about to call his mother when jeonghan calls again and he presses on the answer button on accident.

“so you’re finally answering, huh.”

his voice makes mingyu almost crash into another car, the streetlight suddenly turning red. startled, he steps on the brakes quickly and is about to come up with some lame excuse to end the call with jeonghan when the other speaks again.

“i want to see you again,” jeonghan whispers through the phone.

of course he’s tried to have relationships with people other than minghao. some last a few years and are good while others turn sour for a lot of reasons. what he didn’t expect is for jeonghan to act this way. from what he recalls, he seems like the type to be used to the situation they find themselves in. and although he knows he should, he just couldn’t shake the image of jeonghan looking disappointed and sad every time he doesn’t answer. besides, jeonghan has never harbored any romantic feelings for him in the past. this is just odd.

a few moments of silence past, the streetlight turns green and he lets out a sigh.

“are you free today?” he asks, shifting the gear and starts driving again.

he hears a rustle from jeonghan’s end and next, his voice. “yeah,” he responds cooly. “why?”

“i’ll pick you up at the convenience store from last week.”

he could hear the happiness from jeonghan’s voice when they end the call, making him smile despite himself. it’s weird to get butterflies from someone who’s supposed to kill you but at this moment in time, he couldn’t let himself care too much. all he knows is that in order to figure this out, he needs to be around jeonghan to find the answers.

mingyu waits patiently in front of the store, looking around the street to spot jeonghan’s familiar figure. he remembers the events from a few nights ago, still fresh in his memory that he even remembers what jeonghan smells like. it stirs a warm feeling in his belly he couldn’t identify because in a few moments it’s replaced with a burn that lights up his whole body.

so much so that without him fully realizing it, he opens the door to his car and meets jeonghan halfway.

“h-hi!” mingyu spurts out, flashing jeonghan a toothy grin.

jeonghan laughs, making mingyu’s insides melt in the best way possible. he's wearing a simple orange hoodie, jeans and converse shoes. instead of his slick, pushed back hair he has his hair down and looks approachable and cute. “hi. you look like you haven’t slept.”

mingyu's heart skips a beat, wanting to hug the other. “yeah…about that…”

shaking his head, jeonghan holds up a dismissive hand then uses the same hand to hold mingyu’s, his cold while mingyu’s warm. “i don’t want to talk about that. you must have had your reasons and i pride myself in giving people space to figure out their feelings. i just thought i’d call and text to remind you that ever since that night, i haven’t been able to forget about you. i don’t usually do this but fuck it.”

mingyu laughs helplessly, running his free hand down his face and peeks at jeonghan through his fingers, the other grinning at him with eyes almost sparkling. 

this is definitely a bad idea, mingyu thinks. but why does it feel right? why does jeonghan’s hand fit perfectly in his, the thrumming of his heart so in sync with his own? nothing makes sense anymore but mingyu has tried his best to find an explanation. but he isn’t much of a person who resists his urges. decades of reincarnations can’t change how impulsive he is when he comes to his feelings.

“let’s have a date.” 

never in his life would he imagine that something as simple as buying street food and chatting, walking around the streets of gangnam would be enough to make him feel like he’s floating on a cloud of happiness.

jeonghan in this lifetime is a kindergarten teacher, mingyu learns. according to him, his degree had nothing to do with taking care of children. but his friend had asked him to fill in for him one day and ever since then he couldn’t stop thinking about the children and how fun it was. he lives with his parents and younger sister still and is extremely protective and loyal to his family. most of his savings go to them no matter how much his parents insist that he should use it to find a place of his own and even get married. they don’t know his preference for men, which surprises mingyu.

he goes clubbing every other weekend just like him. according to him, he’s had a few hookups here and there (including mingyu) and sometimes he just likes to people watch. there’s a lot of stupid shit people do when they’re not sober.

that’s how he came to see mingyu. he’s always surrounded by people, jeonghan tells him. and while he could easily get someone else to bed at night, he just couldn’t forget seeing him. the curiosity build up and he subconsciously built a habit of walking around the club to find him before giving up. the night that they finally talked, jeonghan only had a glass of sangria and was completely sober. but something compelled him to ask mingyu to eat with him and the rest is history.

“so you tricked me,” mingyu says with a small frown. they’re sitting inside his car, a bag of snacks in between them that they bought from the convenience store. jeonghan’s drinking strawberry milk and mingyu fusses with opening a packet of prawn cracker chips.

“i don’t remember me saying i needed to sober up that night,” jeonghan sing songs.

mingyu laughs, shaking his head and jeonghan grins up at him. once he opens the bag of chips, they share and just eat while casually talking. jeonghan doesn’t ask what mingyu did the two weeks he’s been ignored, instead telling mingyu what he’s been doing and about the kids he takes care of and teaches at the kindergarten. there's a new kid who's awfully quiet that he's trying to coax into socializing with the other kinds. mingyu finds his thoughtfulness endearing. he must be really good with kids.

the day turns into night and they’ve finished most of the snacks they bought. by this time, mingyu clearly knows that there is something between him and jeonghan in this lifetime, a pull that compels them to be near each other. even as they are sitting side by side, jeonghan makes sure to touch him when he can, punching his arm or flicking his forehead. mingyu is compelled to do the same, ruffling jeonghan’s hair or returning the punches. he doesn’t know what’s up and he’s scared to find out because it’s unknown territory. 

“you know, it’s been a while since i was this comfortable with someone,” jeonghan says out of the blue. there’s no mirth in his voice, only a thoughtful seriousness which mingyu notes. 

“what do you mean?” mingyu asks, tracing circles against jeonghan’s palms, not wanting to meet jeonghan’s eyes.

“for one,” jeonghan starts, laughing. “i don’t chase after people. sure, you’re hot and all but i wouldn’t waste my time texting and calling you for two weeks just because we had amazing sex. people do that to me. and then this… talking to you and hanging out for hours just feels nice. like i could tell you about my whole life and secrets and i would be perfectly fine with that. which is honestly a red flag for me.”

shifting in his seat, mingyu tries not to laugh. “so what you mean to say is i’m special?”

jeonghan lifts his foot to kick mingyu’s thigh, snorting. “as if. what i’m saying is you make me act weirdly. i’m not quite sure if i like it or not.”

he resists the urge to kiss jeonghan at that moment.

they see each other more often after that. jeonghan seems comfortable not labeling their relationship and mingyu is thankful. he stresses out enough about how to explain the feelings he has for him. but they still do everything a couple does like go on date nights, stay at each other’s apartments, kiss, have sex and even fight due to their differences. jeonghan has even met his parents who were visiting from anyang for the holidays and vice versa. for mingyu that in itself is a sign of trust.

considering how far fetched his existence is, the closer jeonghan becomes the harder it is to hide it. which is why him meeting his parents is already considered a huge step in their relationship. sometimes jeonghan would ask questions when mingyu would slip. they would be walking somewhere and a memory will remind him of how he had walked these very streets except fifty years ago. the normal excuse was ‘i have a penchant for history’ or ‘my grandfather told me’ and this seemed to work for now. but he's more careful now.

it’s been three months and mingyu can tell that jeonghan’s imprinted his existence on his own so deeply that he’s starting to think that the older would never kill him.

except mingyu knows he can.

it’s late and mingyu’s up trying to online shop for something for jeonghan’s mom. it’s been a habit of his to bring gifts no matter how big or small it is to jeonghan’s mother. something about the woman reminds him so much of his grandmother who doted on him in the place of his parents back in the palace. she would always bring him extra sweets whenever he visited to pay his respects and stroke his hair, telling him stories that make his eyes widen in wonder.

jeonghan’s heavy footsteps can be heard before he approaches mingyu. they’re in mingyu’s apartment right now, a beautiful apartment with a view of the city. usually, jeonghan would sleep late and wake up early but earlier he needed a nap due to a migraine. now awake, he wraps his arms around mingyu’s waist.

“good evening,” mingyu whispers. “are you hungry?”

jeonghan shakes his head and buries his face against mingyu’s neck, kissing it. “no, i’m okay.”

“are you horny?” mingyu tries, smiling mischievously.

a sleepy laugh comes from jeonghan, shaking his head. “no, i just had a bad dream.”

most of the time, jeonghan’s dreams are very vivid and scenic. it’s one of the things he likes about him, how he could somehow remember his dreams and relay it perfectly to mingyu in the morning. it’s become a habit almost, and if he can’t tell mingyu directly he would either call him or text him. mingyu listens and even entertains jeonghan’s ‘what ifs’ and speculations about the continuation. 

“what’s it about this time?” mingyu asks, turning his office chair and pulling jeonghan to sit on his lap. 

“hmm…” jeonghan starts, resting his forehead against mingyu’s shoulder. “it looked like we were in a historical drama. from your clothes… i'm guessing you were a prince? you looked pretty hot, by the way. i was your adviser or something and we fall in love. who can blame you really? but then… someone framed me for killing you. the details get a bit blurry and i don’t know why but you believed them. the scene changes to me being stripped of my title and forced to live as a servant, the character branded on a piece of cloth stitched to my clothing. you get stolen from me… there's a man. and it just repeats. over and over again. i see you dying, too.”

jeonghan hugs mingyu tighter and mingyu caresses his back, trying to soothe his worries away. “do you remember why i die?”

“it was my fault. i was… trying to shoot some criminal that one time. then… i was saving a cat but the car swerved and ran you over… mingyu, my head hurts.” jeonghan gasps in pain, letting mingyu go and reaching out to bury his fingers in his hair. 

“jeonghan--” 

he falls from mingyu’s lap and to the floor, a pained scream on his lips. mingyu pushes himself off of the chair and runs to sit beside jeonghan, reaching out to touch his shoulders and the moment he does, a shot of pain pierces through his head as well as fire so hot it makes him feel like he’ll burst.

“mingyu, what’s happening?!” jeonghan asks, writhing in pain and clinging onto him for dear life.

although he wants to answer, no words would come out of mingyu’s mouth, only gasping for air as the memories, like a beautiful kaleidoscope, cloud his senses.

he’s back in the castle.

mingyu’s sitting in his study, piles of books in front of him and a table of snacks to his left. he looks around and spots jeonghan, leisurely snacking on rice cakes of various colors. looking down on himself, he’s clad in his dragon robe, another book in hand.

“mingyu,” jeonghan calls, crawling closer to him to shove a rice cake in his mouth with a big smile. “are you lost in thought again?”

confused, mingyu shakes his head, eating the rice cake. “why are you here?” he asks.

laughing, jeonghan shakes his head and flicks mingyu’s forehead. “who else would be here beside you? other than your future queen, only i can be beside you.”

“but why?” mingyu asks, eyes glassy, almost crying.

“because.” jeonghan reaches out and cups mingyu’s cheeks. “i love you.”

the memory fades into darkness, replaced by another one. this one is set outside of the palace, the harsh sunlight making mingyu squint. he looks around, surrounded by the court officials, eunuchs and court ladies. to his left his mother is seated and to his right, his grandmother. when he looks down, he sees jeonghan’s face, dirty, bloody and bruised. his clothes are tattered and dirty as well, specks of dark red on it and he is kneeling in front of him. mingyu suppresses a gasp as he sees the person beside him holding a sharp sword.

“your highness, you must make a decision.”

it's minghao who stands in front of him, standing straight and proud with a stern expression on his face wearing heavy armor. he's being asked to make a decision yet he doesn't know what's happening.

“minghao. what do you mean? why is jeonghan--” he starts to stay.

minghao cuts him off. “your highness. the poison was found in his quarters after the search. he is the one who tried to poison you. i know he was a loyal subject but i’m afraid he’s tricked you.”

mingyu feels like puking then and there. “no. he… he would never do that.”

minghao sighs, walking closer to him and points at jeonghan accusatively. “if you cannot bear to kill him then he needs to be stripped of his title and branded as a servant for the rest of his life.”

“no,” mingyu says, shaking his head and standing up. “he’s--”

the memories now flash in his mind faster, showing him memories that contradicted the ones he always believed in. through it all mingyu sobs, tears flowing down his face freely as the realization and truth hits him hard. and when it is all done, he hears a whisper that if he didn’t focus enough he would have missed.

we are showing you mercy.

just as sudden as it came, the memories faded and mingyu collapses on the floor, vision clouded by dark spots.

when he opens his eyes, he sees jeonghan’s worried ones looking at him. without much thinking, he wraps his arms around the other, pulling him close and sobbing like a baby while shouting out apologies. jeonghan soothes him by rubbing his back, whispering that it’s okay despite his confusion. 

after a few minutes, mingyu has calmed down but he’s shaking subtly from the shock of what has been revealed to him through his memories. jeonghan offers him a glass of water but he’s looking far ahead, not really seeing or hearing whatever is going around him. for a while, the older just sits beside him, running a comforting hand against his back.

everything is not as he thought it was.

for decades, mingyu has always thought that jeonghan was a traitor who had snuck inside the palace to poison him and nearly kill him. minghao had been the one to spot the chopsticks once the poison hit it, saving him. after the warning has been issued, the guards did an entire search of every room inhabited in the palace. everyone close enough to the king was suspected. 

jeonghan and mingyu had grown up to be steadfast friends, jeonghan’s father a high ranking official in the king’s army. and while jeonghan’s father wanted him to follow the same path, jeonghan’s strength was elsewhere. he was exceptionally quick witted, smart and enjoyed learning. and after taking the civil service examination, he rose to be one of the scholars who had the highest scores. this in turn earned him a spot as mingyu’s adviser, just in time for him to rule after his brother's passing. soon, their bond strengthened and as natural as breathing, love eventually blossomed.

however, a few weeks before the queen selection process started there had been someone who tried to poison him. hearing about what jeonghan dreamed about, he connects the dots and concludes that he's been framed. but by who? who would stand to gain the most after that? his mother? mingyu’s half brother who's only a toddler then?

suddenly it clicked.

after jeonghan’s disappearance, he and minghao got closer. through the selection process, a queen had been picked who was the daughter of a former general and mingyu had to fulfill his duty as king and bear an heir. his heart wasn’t in it, refusing to share the same room as his queen with the excuse of him not feeling well. he tried to find someone to confide in and while taekyung was the closest to him at that time, he was too loyal to his country to ever understand how heartbroken he was. minghao had approached him and they became friends and eventually, he had welcomed minghao’s embrace out of loneliness. 

they spent a few years like this, mingyu’s queen eventually bearing a child. but he will spend most of his days and nights with minghao, believing that it was love. until eventually, a war broke out after a chinese official who was meant to be an envoy was assassinated in a kisaeng parlor despite both kingdoms already walking on thin ice. negotiations fell out, the chinese king not agreeing to the mingyu's terms and instead secretly sent a whole army to march to the capital. in the face of this war, mingyu had devised a plan to elope with minghao and abandon his responsibility as king. he had an heir that can ascend the throne and at this time, all the heartache and pain caused by the memories he had with jeonghan had been too much. it seemed like the perfect plan.

until it wasn’t.

“minghao…” mingyu whispers, looking up at jeonghan’s worried eyes. “he… he framed you.”

jeonghan’s eyes widen. “what...do you mean?”

“your dream, jeonghan.” mingyu reaches out, gripping jeonghan’s hands in desperation. “it’s all true. this isn’t the first time we met. we’re… always reincarnated. to look the same and have the same memories. but you… you don’t seem to have them. and mine… mine have been distorted as a sick punishment for all the innocent lives i sacrificed to follow a traitor.” 

shaking his head, jeonghan brings mingyu’s and his hands up to his face, kissing mingyu’s knuckles. “i don’t understand what you mean but it was just a dream of mine, mingyu--”

“it isn’t!” mingyu shouts mid sob, tears running down his face. he lets go of jeonghan’s hands, hands curling into fists as he punches his chest as if it would chase the immense sorrow he felt over lost time. “all this time… i spent all this time i had with the wrong person. when i could have had that with you. jeonghan, i’m sorry. i’m sorry for forgetting.” 

not able to take it anymore, jeonghan cups mingyu’s face, forcing the taller male to look at him. although he doesn’t understand it, tears have been running down his own face and he feels a deep ache in his chest at mingyu’s every word. “i don’t care whoever you spent your time with before me,” he says, using his thumbs to rub mingyu’s tears away gently. “all i care about is what we have right now, you and i. sleeping in together from staying up too late. you trying to cook for me these random as fuck recipes i find on the internet. walking with you at night when the weather is good. and even if it’s bad and you and i have bad days. when we fight and you look like you’re crying because you want to make up already but i’m too stubborn to give in i know that you love me as much as i love you.” 

more tears run down mingyu’s face, hands reaching out to place them on top of jeonghan’s against his cheeks. “you are very stubborn and competitive,” he seconds hoarsely.

jeonghan’s childish laugh bubbles in his chest. “yes, i am. and although we have many differences and we fight over them sometimes, i can’t imagine tomorrow without you. just as i’m sure the sun will rise and set, i’m sure that you’ll always be here with me.”

mingyu starts sobbing hard and pulls jeonghan close to him, burying his face against the other’s favorite shirt and covering it in snot and salty tears. and jeonghan does his best to comfort him, stroking his hair and whispering how ugly he looks when he cries which makes mingyu sob even harder eliciting a laugh from jeonghan.

an hour after mingyu stops crying, jeonghan makes love to him and mingyu lets himself drown in the sensations until they’re both too tired to clean up the mess outside. 

lying down together surrounded in a black curtain of darkness and silence, mingyu feels at peace hearing jeonghan’s breathing while he sleeps. soon, sleep takes him captive as well and a dream starts.

mingyu is sitting in his living room, wearing the same clothes he wore before jeonghan took it all off. he tries to stand up but it’s like something heavy pulls him to sit in the same place. outside, the sky is a weird mix of purples, oranges, and other pastel colors in one. and when he blinks, someone is standing in front of his glass windows in an all white suit, a glass of red wine in his other hand.

“who are you?” he asks curiously.

the man doesn’t turn his back to reveal what he looks like, simply taking a sip of his wine. when he speaks, his voice is a deep bass and his words dance. “how’s our mercy?”

“mercy? i don’t quite understand…”

“we have shown you mercy by showing you the real memories.”

although mingyu doesn’t want to ask a question again he does because he’s very confused. “who’s ‘we’?”

laughter rumbles from the stranger’s chest. “we, the benevolent gods who rule over this mortal realm, have shown you mercy in this last lifetime by reuniting you with your lover. after decades of reincarnations, you can now grow old together. but not without a price.”

mingyu feels a chill run down his spine and his heart sinks. “what is the price?”

“you and those close to you who have served you are never to reincarnate again. this includes your friend seokmin.”

“but why? they have done nothing wrong! i--”

“you ask too many questions, human! this is the mercy we bestow upon you and you shall accept it lest we separate you and your lover for the rest of your life.” the stranger turns but a white light blinds mingyu, not allowing him to see his face. “is that what you wish?”

despite not knowing the full mechanics of what this god is telling him, he shakes his head. this earns him a pleased huff.

“as i thought. now, run along now. i’m busy.”

mingyu hears a snap before everything is back to normal. he’s in his room again and instead of the off mesh of pastel colors from the sky, he sees pitch black. jeonghan’s still asleep beside him and he moves a little to fully hug the older to his chest. 

something about ‘the price’ makes mingyu nervous. but maybe it’s because he had cried too much earlier, he soon falls asleep.

a shrill ring wakes mingyu up hours after.

groaning, he sits up, reaching out for his phone from his bedside table. he sees a note from jeonghan, probably the older telling him that he left for work already, but answers the call first on his phone before fully reading it.

“hello?” he greets, voice raspy.

“mingyu…” it’s seokmin’s voice that greets him.

“oh, seokmin ah.” relaxing a bit, he falls back on bed and closes his eyes. “what’s up?”

“grandfather… h-he’s dead.”

the deep voice from his dream runs through his head.

but not without a price.

although he spent most of yesterday crying, new tears trickle down his cheek. he doesn’t talk for a few seconds, memories of his life spent together with taekyung running through his mind. “when’s the funeral?”

seokmin sniffles on the other end. “next week. and he told me to tell you that he left you a letter last night. it’s in your mailbox.”

“okay. do you want me to come over?” he asks, already pushing himself off of his bed to go to his mailbox.

“it’s okay. my parents are on their way here. and jihoon hyung is here too. i’ll be okay.”

they end the call soon after and mingyu’s out the door, taking the elevator down stairs and jogs towards the mail room. he opens his mailbox and sees a plain envelope there which he takes upstairs back to his apartment. 

nervously, he opens it. he doesn’t know why taekyung couldn’t just knock on his door last night and deliver the letter to him personally. the feeling of regret leaves a disgusting taste in his mouth and the grief renders him weak that he staggers a little as he tries to take a seat on the couch.

your highness,

i know i am no one but one of the many who served you during your reincarnations. but i do hope that this letter finds itself to you. by the time you have read this, i would have passed on. the gods have whispered to me in my sleep. they let me choose if i would sacrifice my grandson’s life for your happiness. and i gave them mine. i’m old and from what my doctor tells me, i do not have much time on this earth. but i hope that i have served you well. 

the moment i first saw you, you were a cheeky child who made seokmin cry in the playground. i remember it well. you were wearing denim overalls with a striped shirt underneath and you were dirty from head to toe from playing too much in the sand. when my grandson saw me, he came running to me and kept telling me to scold you for kicking sand in his eyes. i tried my best to remove most of it and soothe his crying but my eyes were on you.

my father had always told me that when we will always meet you and when we do we will know as sure as we know the sun will rise in the morning. that moment i knew that you were the one i was groomed to serve since young. instead of scolding you, i scolded my own grandson instead for upsetting you. never in my life would i imagine that i would do that. he’s dearer to me than my own son. because of me and the promise our ancestors made, i know he has led a life like this which can be unfair but as the both of you grew older, i was relieved to see that you have grown into steadfast friends. i know he is lacking in a lot of areas, but i ask for your kindness and patience when it comes to him. 

i do not regret a single day i was in servitude to you. i only wish for your happiness, your highness. thank you for treating me like family and allowing me to live a fruitful life.

your humble servant,

lee taekyung             

a shaky breath of air slips past mingyu’s lips, tears already wetting the paper that taekyung had written in so he folds the paper and slips it back inside the envelope, running his fingers against it. this is the last thing that he left before passing. mingyu remembers how he would always smile upon seeing him and how he would often treat him as if he was his own even if they were strangers. at first he thought it was odd for someone to know what his favorite type of food are but as he slowly remembered bits and pieces of his memories, he came to realize that this is part of taekyung’s job.

if only he could be happy without the sacrifice he had to make. although he wants to curse out the gods and scream at them for being so cruel, taking taekyung from him too early, he knows that it they’ll take the older soon enough.

his happiness comes with a price, the god told him, and it weighs heavy on his shoulders.

“you’re really moving, huh?” 

seokmin and mingyu sit side by side at the rooftop of the mansion, watching the sunset. it’s weeks after the funeral and although time passes by and everything seems normal, the grief of losing taekyung still weighs heavily on everyone, especially seokmin and jihoon. jihoon wouldn’t even talk to mingyu at first, blaming him. but eventually, he softened up and apologized over a few drinks.

mingyu nods, swinging his legs back and forth. “just to jeonghan’s place. my apartment is way too big anyway.”

seokmin nods as well, eyes glossy as he watches the sky turn orange and purple. “are you happy?”

it takes mingyu a minute to answer and he smiles. “i am. i’m going to spend the rest of my life with him, growing old together.”

“what about minghao?”

ever since the funeral, he hasn’t seen minghao. mingyu took the liberty to apologize for his behavior after their break up and he wishes he and hansol would last long. although minghao had a hard time believing his words, the moment jeonghan stepped in and greeted minghao his face changed into that of relief. mingyu tried not to be too offended.

after all, he had the love of his life beside him.

“minghao will be fine. i’m guessing he’ll go through the same changes. and he doesn’t remember much anyways so.” mingyu shrugs.

“you’re not going to punch him at the very least?” seokmin asks, turning to look at him.

shaking his head, mingyu smiles. “taekyung would highly disapprove of that. plus, i did love him. not just because of the memories but just him, the one in this lifetime.”

“i can’t believe you’re talking about your ex behind my back.”

seokmin and mingyu turn around, looking at jeonghan who decided to join them. he sits in between the two, grinning at seokmin.

“i kept telling him to stop obsessing about minghao, hyung. i swear,” seokmin says and raises a hand to surrender.

jeonghan turns to mingyu, arching a brow. “and yet he still can’t shut up about him.”

mingyu groans, laughing at the obvious teasing. “i love you, you know.” 

“that’s disgusting, you two. stop making me feel so single.”

“i love you too,” jeonghan replies sweetly, leaning in to kiss mingyu.

“alright,” seokmin says, raising his hands up in defeat and stands up to leave. “i give up. you two lovebirds enjoy the sunset while i help jihoon hyung pack. peace!”

“later, seokmin!” mingyu says in between the kiss, pecking jeonghan’s lips.

once he’s out of earshot, jeonghan pulls away and looks at mingyu’s face, how the sun kissed his skin and made him look even more handsome.

a memory flashes before his eyes of simpler times, the hustle and bustle of the city replaced by the calmness of the forest. two lovers taking a dip in the lake, their laughs echoing as they splash water towards each other playfully. as the sun sets, they share a sweet kiss in front of a bonfire, happy to be alive and to spend that moment together. 

jeonghan smiles, lacing his fingers with mingyu’s and watches as the other’s lips stretch in a big toothy grin.

everything is right in the world.