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Dear Adam,
I know this is strange and having anonymous letters shoved in your locker isn't the most normal of things but I'd like you to understand. You probably think I'm some kind of creep but I promise you that I am not and that this letter serves a greater purpose than to scare you or myself for that matter.
I could just walk up to you some lunchtime or pair up with you in any class and ask you out but I can't. Well, I can but I won't. You deserve something a lot more special than fleeting words that I'd be bound to fuck up with.
You deserve someone special and I'm going to try my best to be that person for you. So I'm writing you these notes and stuffing them in your locker, which is almost impossible to do by the way, to let you know exactly how much I care and how goddamn amazing you actually are.
Sincerely,
An Admirer.
ooooooOOOOOOooooo
"Who do you think its from?" Joel mumbled from his seat across from me, his head resting atop his crossed fingers, not paying any attention to the others at our table, who all were noisily munching on their school-provided slop the school board attempted to call a nutritious. He looked wrecked, his hair unruly and dark purple circles beginning to form under his eyes, aging him over his usually tanned skin and joyful brown eyes. He looked happy however, a smile spread wide across his face, Cupids' bow lips curved in an amused smirk that never seemingly left his face.
"I honestly have no clue" I smiled, looking down at the sloppy handwriting for possibly the millionth time that morning, my fingertip tracing along the sloping H's and looped P's. 'Its nice' I thought to myself with a grin.
"Jesus Christ why can't the guy just fucking text you or something" Michael laughed out, his arm around Lindsay's waist, her head on his shoulders he mumbled with a joking smile "A simple 'Hey Adam wanna fuck?' would do the same fucking job."
"Its supposed to be romantic you fucker" Linds laughed, slapping Michaels shoulder playfully but we all knew there was no malice behind the gesture. The two are almost the most sickeningly cute couple I've ever know. They can't possibly beat Ryan and Gavin though.
"Its so fucking cute" Ryan laughed around his chocolate bar he was in the process of halving to share with Gavin, who had his arm curled around the Georgia boys waist, head resting on his shoulder and legs tangled together. Fucking cuties. "Why don't you do something like that for me Gav?"
"Because I'm not that girly yet, ya bloody smegpot!"
Ryan laughed at Gavin's words and the Brit gained an affectionate hair ruffle from Ryan, including a small kiss to the temple of his forehead. We all laughed at the two while Ray and Michael teased me about how girly the idea of a love letter was. Everyone giggled at the two lads apart from Joel who was chuckling but he had a most peculiar blush staining his cheeks and he looked a bit, bummed out.
oooooOOOOOOooooo
Dearest Adam,
I saw you at lunch yesterday morning and I have to say, without sounding like a stalker, you looked absolutely perfect. My friend laughed at me and said "Dude your fucking romantic as shit" and I had to explain it to him, the notes that is. Your laughter is more adorable than a basket of puppies, and as a person who likes puppies more than the average person should, you should give yourself a pat on the back for that one.
Your smile is truly beautiful and I may seem like some creepy stalker guy but I promise you that I am not but I cannot get that goddamn perfect smile out of my mind. That smile never fails to tie my stomach in knots the most accomplished boy scout could never repeat. You are only perfect and I'd like you to know that.
Sincerely,
An Admirer.
oooooOOOOOOooooo
"Aha!" Burnie mumbled triumphantly when he finished reading the letter, the crumpled, lined paper hidden underneath his Math book as he blatantly ignored his homework in favour of reading over the note I found stuffed inside my locker earlier that day. I was staring down at my Math homework that no one in the study hall class cared about. Least of all me. I had gotten another note and that's all I cared about.
"What?" I whispered, looking up from my copybook, setting my pen down to shoot the younger a sideways glance. What's he up to now?
"Now we definitely know its a him! Not that many gay guys in this school, Adam. Its still Texas. If we did enough digging around we could potentially find out who he is! Cool huh? Maybe ye'll ride off into the merry sunset together..."
"Yeah. Cool"
"What's wrong man?" Burnie asked concerned, as he slid the note back under the table, hiding it from the peering, grey eyes of the feeble teacher who was trying and failing to keep order in the crowded study hall "It thought you liked this bullshit-romance note stuff?"
"I do Burns its just..." I mumbled into my interlocked fingers, hiding my expression and furious blush, spreading across my heavily stubbled cheeks and down my neck, from the blond "What if he's doing this just to make fun of me?"
"Why would he do that?" Joel asked, turning around from his seat next to me.
"Joel lets face it, I'm not good looking, I'm a fucking weirdo with neurosis' falling out my ass and I'm nearly failing all my classes apart from a select few. I'm hardly anyone's first choice so its very possible he's just fucking around with me to get my hopes up" I grumbled under my breath.
"I think your wrong Adam. Your a great guy and if that douche behind the words on paper cant see that then he's fucking blind"
"Thanks Joel" I looked at the older who was seated across the table and I shoot him a kind smile "Your seriously my best friend ever"
He just smiled over at me.
oooooOOOOOOooooo
"Aren't you going to open it?" Ryan whispered, looking up from his Chemistry equations, trying to avoid the teachers questioning gaze at his talking. She gave him an evil glare and he looked away meekly, murmuring under his breath "You've just been holding onto the note all day yet you haven't opened it"
"I dunno man" I muttered, fingering the corners of the rough paper, thumb tracing the ripped line from where the page was obviously ripped from an old notebook, the note written and rewritten many times "I don't wanna get my hopes up. Again."
"Fuck it" I mumbled to myself and I unfolded the paper carefully, to avoid deepening the tears along the spine of the page. As I was so caught up in the act I didn't notice the teachers exasperated sigh and her rising from the chair and walking towards us.
"To Adam-"
"Boys really?" The teacher snapped, ripping the pages up out of my hand, tearing the lines slightly and smudging the ink "I thought you kids moved past writing notes and started texting under the desks when I'm not looking. I'm talking to you Narvaez!"
"I wasn't doing nothing!" Ray yelped from somewhere behind my back and I heard a smash as his phone dropped to the ground and I heard his anguished cry and a few muffled giggles from the back direction of the classroom.
"Double negative" She scolded and began to unfold both the pages gently with her aquamarine polished, sharply pointed nails tearing lightly at the thick grain paper, causing a horrible scratching noise "And if this note was important enough to interrupt my class I think I'll just have to read it aloud. I will give you one chance however, What is in the contents of this note that you deemed so important to read in my classroom?"
"Im not sure. I found it in my locker this morning. Please don't read it" I mumbled out around my bitten fingernails, too proud to admit I was begging her not to read out the letter before I even got to read it myself.
"Well now I think I have to" She smiled, putting her thin framed metal glasses on and she cleared her throat and began to read.
"To Adam,
I heard you in study hall yesterday afternoon and if I'm being honest I was kind of shocked by what you said about not being anybody's first choice. If you were anything but someone's first choice I'd start to become worried about their eyesight because, to me, you are the epitome of perfection, somebody I could only dream of but was so lucky to find.
Your smiles are nothing less than poetry carved out by your lips for anyone lucky enough to bear witness to. That and your eyes are open to all, emotion's dancing through them in swirls and loops, so bare and open to so many people but especially myself for all of the years I've know you and I honestly cant thank you enough for those years.
A person like me does not deserve a person like you, myself a neurotic, unattractive jackass and you, witty, gorgeous and so full of joy. What I feel, I can only compare it to a physical pain and a need rather than a want. I believe the French have a phrase for it. La Douleur Exquise: The heart wrenching pain of wanting somebody you cannot have. This pain is a sweet agony, indescribable and brutal but I will live through it because I could never loose you from my life as friend or a presence, sempiternal and an infinite joy to me.
You probably know who this is by now and if you don't well then I'll have to tell you who I am.
But not now.
I still have one more letter to convince you with, Adam and I know that if I keep writing I'm never going to stop talking and I'll just end up embarrassing myself but know that every word I tell you is the truth Adam. I could never tell you anything but.
Love,
An Admirer" She finished, the entire class so silent I could hear my own heavy breaths and the blood gushing in my ears.
"Oh god Adam. I'm so sorry about that. That was beautiful though. Whomever wrote it must be deeply in love with you" She winced apologetically, handing me back the note before walking to the top of the class once more, beginning to speak about the equations written on the whiteboard in black, dry wipe marker. The class had fallen into an uncomfortable silence, the air tense and most sets of eyes pinned on me. I had felt as if I wanted to sink into the chair and die, without any eyes on me but then someone spoke.
"Why don't you write me anything like that you bastard!" A girl yelled from the back of the class and just like that, the proverbial floodgates opened, girls yelling at their boyfriends and the men just trying to calm the girls down. At least five couples broke up in that class but I only cared about one thing.
I know who's writing the letters.
OoooooOOOOOOooooo
I barged in the side entrance to the school, twenty minutes earlier than I would ever normally be and I trotted down the hallway in the direction of my row of lockers. The halls were mostly deserted, a few lone students heading in the direction of the library or the art room to work on study or projects before the mass of students attending their classes come in for the day. I passed a few teachers on my way down the corridor whom I promptly ignored. I was on a motherfucking mission.
A tall man with an oversized grey hoodie and baggy sweatpants was writing a note against my locker door, his hands visibly shaking, causing my locker door to rattle slightly, the metal din echoing down the deserted hallway. His head was down as he wrote and as he ran a hand through his hair, his hood fell down and bared his secret identity.
Joel Motherfucking Heyman. I knew it.
I stalked up behind him quietly and I swear to god my face was beginning to hurt from the wide smile I was wearing. He was furiously writing on the small note, his lips moving as he spoke his as he wrote them. I was only about two meters from him when I yelled.
"HEYMAN!"
He spun around so fast he banged his elbow off of the cool metal surface of my locker, causing him to curse bitterly in pain and he began to rub at the joint in his left arm. I continued to strut towards him until I was no more that a foot from him, watching him sputter and mumbled, his face bright red and looking embarrassed.
"Adam! Eh hi- Hi Adam. Jesus fuck Adam. H-H-Here I guess" He stuttered out, holding a short note, no more than five lines to me. I knocked it out of his hand with a swift swipe of my own. His face dropped and his lips curved down into a frown, his eyes loosing the wet sparkle they held. That won't do. That wont do at all.
I stood up high on my toes, curled my fingers around his tanned neck and I pressed my lips to his own in a soft caress, stopping his stuttering words and his movements as he froze up.
It lasted no more than a second and when I drew back, our lips separating with a small wet noise. Joel seemed to have come out of the daze he was in and he hooked his arms around my waist and crushed our bodies together, connecting our lips in a passionate open mouthed kiss that caused my toes to curl and my lips to curve into a soft smile, immediately reciprocated by the tall boy and our kiss broke just so we could smile at each other. His eyes were bright in a way I hadn't seen them in a long time and that made my smile even wider as I pulled him back in again.
We just stood in the hallway for minutes on end just enjoying each others kisses, my every nerve end on fire, tingling everywhere Joel decided to caress, his talented and calloused fingers tracing along my jawline and came to rest upon my waist, holding me close to him with gentle force I could easily break. But I didn't.
"I fucking love you Adam" He mumbled to me when he pulled away at last, his brown eyes glinting with happiness. His hands were soft upon my waist and I knew I was smiling like a kid at Christmas but I simply did not care. I rest my forehead against his own, my eyes closed and smile wide.
"Love you too asshole".