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It was finally, finally a day off for the 212th. Something that everybody had been waiting for for a long time. Cody and Obi-Wan especially. Being in such high ranks was nothing short of draining, especially when they had not had a day off in so long.
Cody knew that most of his vode were at 79’s, using what free time they could get to just have fun. It felt like the war was getting worse and worse every day, so no one would be surprised if their leave got cut short. As fun as it sounded to join his vode in partying, he knew deep down that he couldn’t bring himself to be as laid back as everyone else would be. The last thing he wanted to do is bring down everyone when they were just trying to have a good time. Instead, he finished some last minute paperwork he had from some of the previous battles he was taking this break from. The stack of work wasn’t too big, but it added up over time. He could relax after it was finished. Even if he tried, Cody wasn’t sure that it was possible for him to fully relax with the knowledge that the paperwork wasn’t finished.
While working on his paperwork, Cody’s mind tended to drift off and think about other things. It was why he had some work piled up in the first place. He tended to daydream about one of two things. Either he was daydreaming about Obi-Wan or he was worrying about a vod that had gotten injured during the last battle. This time it happened to be about the former. Cody bit on the end of his pen, thinking about how he would much rather be spending his time with Obi-Wan rather than alone doing paperwork the old fashioned way.
Cody had been working for about an hour before the doors to his office opened. He looked up, surprised to see Obi-Wan. He rarely came into Cody’s cramped office. However surprised Cody was, Obi-Wan was always a welcome guest.
“Is it alright if I come in?” Obi-Wan asked.
Cody nodded, “Of course you can, sir.”
“Drop the formalities, Cody. I don’t care when we’re in private, you know that,” Obi-Wan said.
“Of course. What did you need?” Cody questioned, standing up and walking to the front of his desk so he could lean against it. Obi-wan walked forward so he was next to Cody. He, too, leaned against Cody’s desk and crossed his arms, looking at his feet for a moment. Cody’s heart fluttered, just like it did whenever he happened to be around Obi-Wan.
“I wanted to… Run something by you, I suppose.”
Cody furrowed his eyebrows. “Are we already set to have a mission? I mean, I suspected we would get our leave cut off but not this early into leave.”
“No, it’s not that it’s…” Obi Wan turned his body so he was fully facing Cody. He reached over to where Cody’s hand was by his side, grabbing it and giving it a quick squeeze which made the butterflies in Cody’s stomach flutter just that much harder. Well, I guess what I’m trying to tell you is.” He gave a soft sigh that Cody was sure he wouldn’t have caught had he not been this close to him. “ Ni kar’tayl gar darasuum. ”
“Oh.”
Oh no.
That was not what Cody wanted to hear. Well, it was, but it also... wasn’t.
Sure, he had imagined plenty of scenarios of this happening, had always wished for this day but… He was just a clone. There were hundreds, thousands of others that were exactly like him, the only way to tell them apart were either scars they had gained from battle, their tattoos, or the paint on their armor. If they had painted their armor, that is.
There was no way this was real. Cody knew that Obi-Wan wasn’t one for pranks. Anakin, sure, but never Obi-Wan. But despite knowing this, he still couldn’t believe it.
“I’m sorry, Sir,”
Cody was not, in any way, special enough for anyone. Especially not General Obi-Wan. He could practically get anyone to date him, so why Cody? All Cody was was the commander of the 212th legion. That’s it. It was what he was born and taught to be, that is all. Deep down, he knew his General would never lie to him, especially about something as serious as this. But he wouldn’t let General Obi-Wan stoop down to Cody’s level when he could have anyone better than Cody. He couldn’t let that happen.
“I don’t feel the same,” Cody finished.
General Obi-Wan’s face fell for a second. It was an incredibly short moment and if he wasn’t who he was, Cody was sure he wouldn’t have noticed it at all.
“That’s okay, Commander. I just felt the need to tell you.”
Cody nodded.
“Well, I better get going. Enjoy the leave while we have it,” General Obi-Wan joked, going to pat Cody on the back before stopping with his hand midair. He cleared his throat, suddenly standing up straight and putting his arms behind his back. As he walked out of the room, Cody noticed how tense his shoulders were- and how his hands seemed to be grasping each other tightly instead of the usual way of them gently holding each other in place.
The door closed behind General Obi-Wan and Cody stood there for a second, frozen.
“ Kriff. Ni’m mirsh solus ,” he whispered to himself.
Cody loved General Obi-Wan Kenobi. He truly did. That’s why he could not, under any circumstances, allow him to love Cody. Cody wasn’t lovable; this is something he had learned to know as a fact. He didn’t feel like he was enough of an individual. It was trained into him and his vode to know that they weren’t individuals. They were made to fight and die for the war they didn’t ask to be in, not to become a person of their own. So, Cody wasn’t a person of his own.
Cody slumped down onto the ground, his back leaning against his desk, pulling his knees to his chest. God, he wanted to say yes to General Obi-Wan and he wished he did.
But he didn’t deserve to be with him.