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I can’t even look my weapon in the eyes.
I’m a disgrace as a meister.
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I’m supposed to be the one fighting. I’m supposed to be the one getting injured.
So why was he stuck in the infirmary for over a week?
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His heartbeat feels steady under my hand.
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Every time I close my eyes all I can see is blood.
Red. Bloodred like his eyes.
Pouring out of his skin, no stopping in sight.
Because I was too weak. I was too weak to protect him. I was too weak to slay the demoniac sword. I’m weak.
How could I ever hope to be as good as mama?
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“Maka?”
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I look up. He’s looking at me in worry
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With eyes as red as the blood pouring and pouring and-
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He was the one who jumped in front of the blade.
He was the one who almost got cut in a half.
He is the one that almost died.
And yet he is worried about me.
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Typical Soul.
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I take my hand away.
His heart keeps beating. Steady and strong. Just like it should.
“Nothing. Let’s go home.”
oOo
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We’re in our flat. Sprawled out on the sofa.
My head is laying against his ribcage
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I can feel his heartbeat. Steady and strong.
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I can feel the scar, too.
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Suddenly I realize how lucky I am to have him.
How lucky I am for him to have chosen me.
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He who always is there for me, no matter what.
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He who makes me go outside when I stay in our flat for too long.
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He who can make the best casserole.
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He who is ready to sacrifice himself for me. To get hurt for me.
Again and again.
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“Soul?”
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“Thank you.”
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oOo
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I remember the first time we met.
He looked me straight in the eyes. Those beautiful red eyes.
“This is who I am”, he said.
I remember thinking his teeth are weird. Why are they so pointy?
And then he played.
It was frantic. It was horrifying. It was so full of emotion. Full of him.
It was beautiful.
When I told him that, he turned around and smiled. A genuine one. With the dimple.
“Partners?”
“Partners.”
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“-ka! STAY WITH ME MAKA! D-“
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Soul Eater.
His song was beautiful. However, he never played again.
He can be horrifying when serious. He tries to hide his feelings behind a mask of indifference. But I know that he feels so much. His heart is so big.
But at the same time, he is so, so much more.
He likes romcoms. Not that he’ll ever tell anyone. He is gentle when he tends my wounds after a battle. He is so patient. And so, so loyal.
He doesn’t like close contact. But he hates being alone even more.
He cares. So, so much.
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“S-Soul?”
“MAKA! -“
“Yo-you a-”
“Don’t talk“
I try again.
You are the coolest person I know.
I can’t do it.
His tears mix with my blood.
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I only saw Soul cry once.
I still don’t know why.
He never cries. Especially not in front of others.
I came home. He was on the couch. Silent.
He cries restrained. Muted. I almost didn’t notice.
He cries alone.
He went to the bathroom as soon as he saw me. Stayed way too long.
He came out later. For dinner.
I didn’t mention that it technically was his turn. He took over her turn the week after as a matter of course.
His voice was still a bit shaky. His smirks half-hearted.
He pretended it didn’t happen. I did, too. We ate dinner like we normally would. He didn’t say anything about it. I didn’t push.
But on the same day, before we went to our separate rooms, he hugged me. It was so tight it hurt.
“Thank you”
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“P-please. We can even watch your stupid boring documentations.”
My vision grows blurry. Am I crying? I don’t know. All I feel is pain
“It’s your time to wash the dishes, nerd. Don’t you go bailing on me, idiot.”
The stupid ringing in my head only gets worse. It hurts.
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I hear steps.
Frantic.
“Hold on. Hold on. Hold on Hold on.”
Two silhouettes appear at the edge of my vision.
Is it… Stein?
Everything is so blurry…
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It’s impossible to forget the night I met Stein.
The night I really realized how dependent I was of Soul.
The night Soul was ready to die protecting me.
Now I know that I am, too.
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It really is Stein.
Soul is saying something.
I can’t understand it. It’s so loud.
Everything hurts.
The ringing in my ears doesn’t stop.
It’s so, so loud.
...why did I never notice how pretty his lips are?
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Soul almost never smiles.
He smirks a lot.
Every time he’s sarcastic. Every time I accidentally break a plate while washing the dishes. Every time he manages to steal the remote.
But his genuine smiles are rare.
They are smaller. Honest. The dimple always gives it away.
He is gorgeous when he smiles.
My heart skips a beat. Every time.
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His laugher is the exact opposite.
Real laugher makes his whole body shake.
It’s loud. Uncontrolled.
It’s stunning.
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Each sob makes his whole body shake.
He is wailing.
It’s ugly.
There is snot all over him. His face is contorted in a grimace. His eyes are glassy.
“Please don’t leave me”
He’s beautiful.
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„Soul“
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“I think”
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“I”
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I cough. The blood tastes metallic in my mouth.
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I have to
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I have to tell him
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“I lo-”
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Soul, I think I love you