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Jiang Cheng stormed into Lotus Pier and told all the disciples not to look for him until tomorrow. The disciples, knowing their clan leaders' temper, easily stayed clear of the young masters chambers.
Though more than one of them did question why their clan leader was in such a mood. Hadn’t he just come back from Gusu? Had he fought with Wei Wuxian? Or...had something happened with… but many stopped themselves from finishing that thought. No no they couldn’t possibly think something happened between their clan leader and Gusu’s own clan leader. Nope the thought was ridiculous because if something did happen...only heaven could save them now.
Oh but how right they were! Jiang Cheng knew his disciples would realize it. It wasn’t rocket science. It was a known fact that whenever he traveled to Gusu he would come home content. Lan Xichen did always have that effect on him. But that was all over now. Jiang Cheng no longer had a reason to go to Gusu (apart from visiting his pain in the ass brother...maybe that asshole would come visit for change). If he did find himself needing to go it would only be for clan affairs. Nothing more and nothing less.
He was gonna miss Gusu. Miss Xichen. What they had. All the moments they shared. He was gonna miss it all. But it had to end. He simply could not force Xichen to stay with him, not when they were both of marrying age and they still had the potential of finding their soulmates.
Soulmates. There was a time in his life where he truly looked forward to meeting the person who was supposed to be his one true match. The person chosen by the gods just for him. And then he’d gone to study in Gusu and met Lan Xichen. He’d had deep respect and admiration for him at first. Slowly that admiration and respect turned into something else entirely. Something he had not been prepared for. Lan Xichen had been kind to him. He had been so patient with him. He listened to him with rapt attention. He had felt seen in Lan Xichens eyes. Important.He felt important to Lan Xichen in such a different way then how important he was to his family.
It was wonderful. It was beautiful. It was what he had imagined having a soulmate would feel like. And there was the problem. His traitorous heart had gone and fallen for someone that was definitely not his soulmate.
Jiang Cheng paced angrily in his room. He had tried so hard to fight back these feelings. He had pushed Xichen away so many times but the other was relentless.Why couldn’t he just be his soulmate? Why did he have to be the responsible one out of the two and remind the other that their soulmates were still out there and they needed to stop this whole mess before they hurt themselves and their soulmates?
It was so fucking frustrating. Wei Wuxian and Jiang Yanli had both found their soulmates and had fallen in love. Why couldn’t he? Was this some sort of punishment?
He wanted to be selfish. He wanted to keep Lan Xichen by his side for as long as he could. But at the end of the day how was he going to compete against Lan Xichens soulmate? There was no competition. No matter what Lan Xichen argued. Once they found their soulmates that was it. That was the person they were supposed to be with. All that love and care would have to be given to their soulmates.
All his young life he had been taught that he would know his soulmate was near when he could see auras. And then you would find your soulmate because they were the only person who’s aura would be a different color from everyone elses. That was it. There was no more instruction. There was no guidance. You would just see the aura of your soulmate and that was it. You would see that different color and boom that was your soulmate.
When he had arrived at Gusu he was surprised to see everyone with a bright gold toned color glowing around them. Slowly he realized that he was finally going to meet his soulmate. Except he hadn’t.
He hadn’t and instead he let himself fall for one of the Twin Jades of Lan. Fucking great.
He threw himself on his bed and let out a groan. Life truly was unfair. How was he even supposed to find his soulmate now? It could be anyone who studied with him all those years ago. The better question was...why hadn’t his soulmate spoken up? Had they been disappointed? Was he not good enough?
He closed his eyes and tried to calm down when suddenly he heard a commotion outside.
“Sect Leader Lan please our sect leader has asked to not be disturbed”
“I understand but I must speak with him it is urgent”
Lan Xichen was here….Lan Xichen who he had left at Gusu was now here….
“Please Sect Leader we cannot allow you to--”
“I am aware that you are afraid of the consequences should you let me through but I am prepared to bear them. Please let me through”
“Sect Leader”
“If you do not let me through I will have to use force” Lan Xichen threatened calmly. Jiang Cheng could easily imagine the type of fear his disciple was probably currently feeling.
Jiang Cheng sighed he needed to step in now before his poor disciple lost a limb. It was annoying to admit but there wasn’t a soul who could keep Lan Xichen away should he be determined. Stubborn fool.
“That will be unnecessary,” Jiang Cheng said as he pushed the doors to his room open. He fixed Lan Xichen with a glare before addressing his disciple. “You may leave and make sure no one disturbs us.”
“Yes, Sect leader Jiang” the disciple replied with a bow before hurrying off.
“Jiang Cheng”
“Don’t you have rules against storming into peoples homes, threatening their disciples who are just doing their job, and making demands?”
“There are but… you really didn’t give me a choice”
“Sect leader Lan what would your grandmaster think of this display?” Jiang Cheng asked, folding his arms across his chest.
“He’s dealt with worse” Lan Xichen replies with that stupid annoying smile.
“Why are you here Sect leader Lan?” Jiang Cheng asked, getting straight to the point. The sooner he can get Lan Xichen out of Lotus Pier the sooner he can go back to trying to heal his stupid heart.
“You didn’t give me a chance to speak earlier. You also left in such a hurry.”
“There isn’t much to speak of Sect Leader. You and I both know that”
“Wanyin you can’t just end things like that. We’re both in this relationship together--”
“There is no relationship! There is only time wasted.”
Xichen sighs tiredly, his eyes soft as he gazes at him and Jiang Chengs heart hurts. He hates this.
“Wanyin I know you want to push me away but I am not easily swayed. If you really do not wish to see me why have you locked yourself away from the rest of your clan? Why did you leave Gusu in such a hurry?”
Jiang Chengs rage flares instantly “Oh so you think you know me or something? Tell me Sect leader why is it so hard for you to understand that we cannot pursue this any longer?”
“Because I know it is not what you actually want”
“It doesn’t matter what I want”
“Of course it does! Because what you want is what I want”
“We have to stop this. You’re soul-”
“Wanyin Wanyin Wanyin you always bring this soulmate business up and I always tell you, soulmate or not it is you I want.”
“That isn’t how these things work!!! You know that! No one has ever not been with their soulmate!”
“This is ridiculous Wanyin. You are my soulmate.”
Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes “No I’m not”
“Why do you refuse to accept the truth? Why must you keep denying it?”
“Because it is a lie that hurts too much to accept!”
“A lie?”
“Yes! A lie! You’re soulmate and mine are still out there somewhere--”
“You never listen!” Xichen says, raising his voice which stuns Jiang Cheng. They’ve fought plenty but Xichen is usually good at keeping calm. “Wanyin I am tired of this fight. You are my soulmate. It is you the gods have chosen for me and I cannot understand why you deny us the chance to be happy.”
“You’ve gone insane. You have literally gone insane Lan Huan.“ Jiang Cheng replied shaking his head in disbelief. He knew Lan Xichen wasn’t the type to just give up but to lie to him like that? Maybe he let this go on too long. Maybe he should have never gone to Gusu. As much as it pained him to think of never knowing Lan Xichen, that pain was far easier than the pain he would have to deal with when the other leaves him.
“No dear. It is you I believe has gone insane. I have gone along with this sick twisted joke for far too long. I have known you were my soulmate from the start.”
“What?”
“When we first met...the auras were always a pale yellow but then you walked in and yours was the color of your sect. A vibrant violet.”
“Violet?”
“Yes. I saw it and so I approached you. You were shy I remember but willing to be at my side. I...I always thought you claiming we were not soulmates was a way of you testing my devotion to you.”
“Wait...wait… Lan Huan this..this doesn’t...what are you talking about?” Jiang Cheng asks, completely confused with the conversation.
“I am talking about the fact that you are my soulmate Jiang Wanyin, Sect Leader of Yunmeng Jiang”
“But you said my sect colors were violet...they are not violet…” Jiang Cheng replies because all his life he has known that his sect colors are shades of yellow.
“Jiang Wanyin...what...what color are they then?” Lan Xichen asks with worry clear in his tone and gaze. It made Jiang Cheng feel as if he really might be the one to be going insane.
“Yellow”
“Yellow?”
“Yes.”
“I have many questions but what color do you see my aura as?”
“Yellow...it's the same as everyone else’s”
“You see everyones aura as yellow?” Lan Xichen asks and it's really getting annoying having to answer these questions. Lan Xichen was smart. Why was he not getting it? They were colors for crying out loud.
“Well no...everyone else is a pale gold….” Jiang Cheng let out a tired sigh “What does this have to do with anything Lan Huan?”
“Love...I think...I think you may need to see a healer.” Lan Xichen says solemnly, scaring Jiang Cheng a little.
“What? Why?”
“I…”, Lan Xichen starts to say but struggles to form words before looking at Jiang Cheng and asking “You say that out of everyone else's auras mine has a more yellow hue to it right?”
“Yes.”
“Jiang Wanyin...do I make you feel safe?”
Jiang Cheng stares at the man before him trying to figure out where all this questioning is leading but answers anyway “Yes.”
“When we are apart does it feel as if you are not whole?”
“Lan Huan will you please explain what the fuck-”
“I will but please answer the question first.”
Jiang Cheng groans in irritation and rubs his forehead trying to rid himself of the headache this conversation is causing him “Yes Lan Huan. Yes. When we are not together I feel like part of myself is missing”
Jiang Cheng feels his irritation grow when Lan Xichen gives him a serene smile “We are soulmates”
“Are you fucking insane?”
“No, but please listen to me. We are soulmates. Together we both feel whole and safe. And I am a slightly different shade of yellow than everyone else you see. Unless ….have you seen anyone a different color entirely?”
Jiang Cheng blinks blankly at Lan Xichen before replying “No.”
“Wonderful. We are soulmates and to prove it to you we are going to a healer”
Jiang Cheng isn’t even allowed to protest before he is being dragged by Lan Xichen to find the healer. “Lan Huan you dragging me around is hardly appropriate”
“This is important”
“Will you just let me go?”
“Never”
It's late. The moon is high in the sky with a few stars glittering around it. The night is humid but not unpleasant. Jiang Cheng should really be asleep right now but his mind is far too awake.
Colorblind. He is colorblind. Or at least that is what the healer told him. He cannot distinguish the color violet from shades of yellow. All his life he has had this problem and yet it never fully registered as a problem. How no one noticed is beyond him. The healer did say it was a rare occurrence but still...how had this issue never come up before???
To think all the pain and stress this silly little trait had caused him. He would laugh at his own ridiculous life if the thought didn’t also want to make him cry. He almost gave up on the love of his life, his very soul, because he couldn’t see colors as everyone else did.
He was lucky. He was so very fortunate Lan Xichen was the man he was. Because soulmate or not people can only take so much rejection. The thought of the pain he’d caused both of them is awful. It fills him with guilt so thick he feels he will never be able to make up the time he lost fighting to keep Lan Xichen away. And maybe he deserves it. For being so stupidly stubborn.
His thoughts are instantly interrupted when he feels Lan Xichen pull him closer.
“Why are you awake love?”
“Just thinking, go back to sleep.”
“Mhmmm what are you thinking of?”
“Just...how much time I’ve wasted pushing you away”
“You feel guilty.” It is not a question. Lan Xichen is his soulmate after all. He knows him better than he knows himself.
“A little” he replies honestly.
“It was not your fault. You were only trying to do what was right.”
“I know but--” his words are cut off by a distracting kiss on his shoulder that is slowly followed by several trailing up to his neck.
“You are so selfless love. I admire it and fear it.” Lan Xichen whispers against the skin of his neck.
“Shut up”
“I will if you stop feeling guilty”
Jiang Cheng smiles sadly to himself “I can try”
Lan Xichen pecks his cheek and Jiang Cheng feels himself relax in the others embrace “That is all I ask”
They are silent for a while. Jiang Cheng can feel himself begin to feel drowsy so right before he does lose consciousness he sends a silent prayer to the gods thanking them for giving him such a wonderful soulmate. He doesn’t know what his life would be without the other and lucky for him he will never have to know.
And unknown to him, Lan Xichen is doing the same thing. He is happy to be with his lover, his heart, his soulmate without any restraint. He plans on asking Jiang Cheng to marry him come morning.
It seems appropriate now after all this time