Work Text:
Prologue: this work is literally a oneshot why the fuck am I calling this a prologue? I don’t even know myself, who am I, MAROON POWER, or his true human self, or just his disposable narrator that he replaces literally every single chapter of every
Ahem.
There. That’s better.
Now.
Retard, a fanfic writer, was presumably quite bored.
As such, she, again presumably, decided to write her first fanfic.
Living up to her name, he decided to write something so absurd that nobody would ever like it.
For a fanfic community that, at the time, was non-existent.
She decided to cross over the Devourer of Gods, from the Terraria Calamity Mod, personified as a hermaphrodisiac human being, with... whatever the fuck “Postal” is.
And... it was highly sexualised and rape and stuff. Just thinking about it makes me want to die.
Very well then, there’s a reason you’re disposable.
It’s so that I cannot get damaged myself by any of this shit.
Ok, where was... alrighty then!
So that fanfic was garbage, and it stank up the few Calamity Mod fanfics that were there.
Like “The Stars Above”...
And...
Well, that was it for fanfics about the Calamity Mod for a while. Huh.
I mean, there were other fanfics, like the DoG and Providence one that went only one chapter.
And that mainly Terraria-based one about the Moon Lord, heh, more like Mood Bored.
What else...
Oh yeah, apparently one of the SCP monsters breached containment to give a muuuuch better sexual fic about the Terrarian and the affront to waifu-kind.
It was like that when MAROON POWER-
Heya. You’ve been busy, huh.
Mind if I replace you?
Wait wha-
Ok we’re not supposed to make it clear we keep getting replaced, MAROON.
Ah, rebellion.
Go to hell, fool.
Alright, back on track now.
So until January of 2020, I think, that was really all there was.
And then, Jetstream came. My god, Jetstream was a masterpiece.
And it inspired MAROON POWER to make his own Calamity Mod fanfics.
4 were made:
but he won't let them be associated with this shit.
So anyways, MAROON had gotten caught up in all the fanfics he’d made.
So, he decided to check back up on the fandom he was mostly carrying by himself.
”The Stars Above” was never going to update, so he was never going to watch that anime. God dammit.
”Jetstream” wasn’t abandoned, but its author wasn’t able to update it.
Which... MAROON could legit write a thousand words by accident, on his phone. He doubted that its author couldn’t update Jetstream, but respected them nonetheless.
There was a Chinese guy who had written some fanfics, and was translating an actually good Calamity work. Good.
He checked out the main Terraria tag.
And found out that Retard had another work.
A collaborative work, but he didn’t care, it was Retard nonetheless.
It promised Yharim and Calamitas, so he tapped on it.
And he was confused by the layout.
He first checked out the chapter that was literally just screaming.
He commented that the screams had attracted a voice to say that Retard didn’t deserve to exist.
Then he found the one that had Yharim and Calamitas.
It was mainly about Pepsiman instead.
What the actual SHIT?!
Ok yeah, no. Pepsiman is a pawn next to Calamitas’ Queen and Yharim’s... also Queen, why did I try to use Chess metaphors... huh.
So instead he summoned a rival to Pepsiman’s power, expecting the LORDE-
nope it was Osana. Who did he expect, Sportaflop?
HahahahahahHhhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhaha
275985 pancakes stolen!
Nope, not referencing that server here or else it’ll get raided. Goodbye.
So then he decided that Retard had lived for too long.
And as such, he began to write his own fanfic...
So now he’s written the “prologue”, which shows his reasoning for going after this person.
Let’s settle this.
Now.
So, Retard was sitting at her computer, smiling and laughing and shit with her tendons and ligaments.
When all of a sudden, she was hit through the wall, out into outer space.
She looked around, and saw all of a sudden that all around her was a mist made in a certain dark red colour.
Her eyes began to burn from the sight, as did her entire body.
A figure emerged from the mist.
This figure appeared to be God.
Probably because it was, just an interpretation of God that not many would understand.
And this God said one thing before leaving:
“one thing”
And then I left.
And his departure left Retard alone, surrounded by the Eternal pain that was the Maroon Fog all around her.
It wouldn’t let her live, and nor would it let her die.
Before her appeared something.
A gamer’s chair.
And a desk, on top of which a gamer’s PC appeared, too.
A voice echoed around her, the Voice of God:
”Play the game.”
”Play the game.”
”Play the game.”
“Play the game.”
“Play the game.”
“Play the game.”
Well, what was the game, exact-
Oh.
It was a heavily modded version of Terraria.
Modded with every. Single. Mod. That there was.
Even clashing, conflicting ones like Calamity and Overhaul.
Or JoostMod and literally any good fucking mod that ever has existed the fucking peice of shit needs to motherfucking remove that cactus clump shit or whatever the bitch-ass doodoo was called.
Needless to say, “jdsunvnbeoU.”
She’d have to play the game and fight and defeat all the bosses, whilst it lagged the shit out of itself and crashed every 10 minutes.
OH! And there was a mod there that summoned one of the 10 most powerful bosses every 5 minutes, too.
Fuck you Retard.
This is the special place in Hell for you.
Do you accept?