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Her flaming red hair fans around her shoulders, framing her face in that pretty way that has her frustrated. He sees her brows pinch as she angrily shoves a handful of hair behind her ear. She mutters something he can’t hear from across the room, but from reading her lips, it looks as if she’s attempting to command the silken locks to stay.
They won’t.
Remus knows they won’t. Her hair always falls free before tumbling and spilling all around her tops.
He almost feels guilty for all the times he’s smirked to himself at her frustration.
“ Soooooo. Prettttttyyyyyy.”
‘Almost’ being the key word, he supposes, dropping his eyes back to the parchment, quill, and ink pot at the table before him. Moony has never been particularly quiet in his adoration of Lily Evans, and Remus could never truly fault his wolf for that. Even now, he agrees completely with the drooling admiration.
Lily is stunning today in a sundress of buttery-yellow. There’s lace over the top of it, and that when she walked into the room, the top synched to her waist, even as the skirt flared and kissed around her knees. He doesn’t know what all material is used in the making of it—that’s more Sirius. Maybe even James, too. Pureblood’s always seem to know the in’s and out’s of clothing—probably because they’re fitted by private tailors for bloody everything —but Remus… none of that matters to him. He purchases most of his clothes already made and when there’s a discount (thank you very much), and now humbly (no longer begrudgingly) accepts every jumper from Molly Weasley that she claims “didn’t quite work for Arthur.”
None of that is important right now, though. Clothing, material, status, money… hell, even his job—which he’s very thankful to have.
Moony croons in his mind as Remus takes up the quill from the ink pot. “ Have money for mate. Can provide for family. Want mate. Want pups.”
“Yes, yes,” Remus concedes lowly. “I’d learned my lesson and all that, old boy. No need to rub my face in it.”
Wrong thing to say. The worst thing he could tell himself in a room brimming with inhabitants, actually. Because all he can think of now is all the places he’s fantasized for years— years! —of where he’d like to rub his face all over Lily. Starting with her neck, and nuzzling his way down to the juncture where neck and shoulder meet. Then follow the trail down to her pert breasts that he just knows will be perfect, perfect, perfect. And maybe she’d let him turn her to spend some time teasing and nuzzling that delectable dip at the small of her back, where he’s longed to rest his hands more times than he can count… before he buries his face between her legs…
“ Yesssssssss.” Moony’s teeth glint against his dark smile and Remus clears his throat, literally shaking his head as he focuses.
Letter first, he reminds himself—and Moony. Moony has needed to be talked down for days. Ever since he learned of Lily breaking off her engagement to Severus three months ago… it’s been a lot. Really hard. Moony wanted to knock on her door that very night to offer condolences and comfort. It was some doing, but Remus immediately talked him out of that; long game, forever, and all that.
He straightens his shoulders, steeling his nerves as he fortifies his spine. “Now or never,” he says and brings the quill to his parchment.
My darling Lily,
I know it’s not been near enough time, but I can no longer keep my affections to myself. After what you said last night, I have reason to hope that this declaration will not be rejected. But even so, even if it is, I am half agony and half hope. I’m desperate to know the nature of your affections one way or another, because I love you. I have loved you since we were first years at Hogwarts.
I was too proud and cowardly to entertain the thoughts of it ever being anything serious beyond school, but all those years of being your friend, of studying and scouring the halls together as prefects, I loved you then. When you cried on my shoulder over Severus at the end of fifth year, I loved you. When you saw me off at the international portkey office eight years ago after we’d finished school and I told you to give James a chance, Moony was howling his indignation the entire time. He wanted nothing more than to take you against the wall and claim you for all the world to see and know—and I can admit now that even that is a form of love.
I never forgot you. I never wanted to forget you. Moony craved your scent every moon and would howl for you. Those letters you send the first two years were a lifeline—a gift I never expected. I cherished them all and have kept them all these years. I mourned when they became less frequent, but that’s life and no apologising. You’ve done enough of that, my sweet, and no more. None of it was your fault. You travelled so long with work, then there was James.
And then Severus…
Remus pauses here as Moony growls and hisses. Actually, he’s all but spitting and barking feverishly inside Moony’s mind. It’s distracting from the letter, but he allows Moony… for thirty seconds. He knows because he’s counting down on his watch.
Then returns to the task at hand. He’s learned by now to give Moony validation with time and space to react; he accepts it’s part of accepting himself, too. He clears his throat, grateful for the hum of conversation about the room now and continues to hope he hasn’t drawn much attention to himself…
I said nothing when I came back to England to find you were engaged. It’s been a joy and privilege to simply be your friend again. To know you afresh and anew as a woman. So much of you is comfortable and familiar, like revisiting the pages to my favorite book.
And yet…
It’s changed. In the best possible way. You’ve blossomed and come into your own. Your travels with your potion career has opened your eyes to glorious possibilities and you’re brimming with focused dreams now. And for as close as we’ve become again, I need to know if you could ever see fit to include me in those plans…
I know this party is for you and your new apothecary, but I’ll be outside stretching my legs behind the shop… If you think you can envision a future that includes me, I would beg you to steal a moment and join me outside. Even if it’s in rejection—I need to know one way or another.
Yours always,
Remus
He draws a sharp breath. Desperate. Needy. Possibly even clingy, and definitely too soon. Respectable wizards allowed their beloveds more time after broken engagements before throwing themselves at their feet… But that was that.
The letter is written and he’s giving it to her. Now . Before he can lose his nerve.
He charms it to the shape of a dragon before sending it off to her and slipping out the back of the apothecary. Obvious maybe, but he’s not going for subtle at the moment. Prongs and Padfoot agreed now was the right time. Hell, she all but confessed to having feelings already to Wormy last night… something Remus doesn’t think he was supposed to overhear… but did nonetheless…
Moony pounces to the front of his mind once learning that… And Remus couldn’t keep himself from physically groaning aloud to silence his wolf… Lily’s cheeks had glowed pink under the lights of the restaurant and she hadn’t been able to maintain eye contact with Remus the rest of the night…
The air is warm fresh as he exits the shop. It’s a cloudless day and he wonders if maybe perhaps it’s too sunny and what the odds are he’ll start to burn if she waits too long before coming… If she decides to come…
“ She’ll come, ” Moony assures him as minutes tick by. “ Mate will come.”
Remus looses his nerve every second that slips away.
This is what he gets for trying to be bold, for attempting to reach for potentially dangling happiness. This agony of deafening silence, where every heartbeat and breath screams at him… he brought this upon himself.
He’s pacing over the cobblestone of the back now, shoving his hands in the pockets of his trousers, even as Moony remains uncharacteristically calm—one would even go so far as to call him composed . Which is… it’s unusual.
“How can you be so— so…”
“Because .”
Remus is indigent now. “What do you mean, ‘because’?” He doesn’t care who can hear him on the main sidewalk, on the other side of the building. Matters of the heart outrank and embarrassment. Humiliation and rejection count for more than mere—
“Remus.”
“ Mate! ”
“Lily.”
Moony yips as her name falls off his lips like a prayer. Maybe it is a prayer. A plea to the universe that maybe… just maybe …
His movements cease and he’s frozen in place. Ironic, considering beads of sweat have collected against his brow. Lily is as fresh as any flower, his letter folded neatly in one hand as she closes the door with the other. Is she here to tell him to naff off? To tell him he’ll always be dear to her, but she could never… That he would never…
“Oh, Remus.” The corners of her lips quirk and she floats her hands up and out. She’s reaching for him and that’s all the answer he’ll ever need.
The chasm between them vanishes as he rushes to her open arms. To her waiting embrace. Her arms twine eagerly around his neck as he gathers her up, nuzzling his nose against her neck, drinking in her scent. It’s funny, because the combination of too many potion ingredients has always irritated Moony, but his wolf has never minded it when it came to Lily. She could smell of bat wings and newt and Moony wouldn’t complain—she has and he didn’t .
“Remus, I—“ Her grip loosens and his heart seizes for a splinter of a moment. He’s wondering if he misread the tone in her voice, the smile breaking across her face… But her lips slant over his, her fingers begging for purchase against the back of his shirt. She’s pulling him back with her, until she meets the back of the door… Moaning as her tongue begs for an entrance into his mouth.
He opens to her, gladly—happily and freely getting lost in the sensation of snagging Lily Evans. Some part of him wants to talk. Wants to know what this means for… everything… Wants to know how long she’s felt this way for him, too. But Moony helps him silence that part of his mind as he focuses on kissing the woman he loves. The woman he has loved…
The woman he’ll always love.