Work Text:
We can make believe
That everything makes sense
And there's no need to worry now
Coz' you're not like all the rest
Living with only your heart
A new day arrives and its only the start
Of Something already here...
Louis thumped his head against the desk as the bed in the next room once again began to squeak, followed by moans drifting through the walls. Harry either needed to buy a new bed or Louis needed a vial of poison - this was getting beyond ridiculous. Every night Harry brought home someone new, whether it was a girl or guy (sometimes both) and Louis was sick of it! Harry was his best friend but the guy could be so inconsiderate. He knows it's partly his fault, he never told Harry it bothered him. Partly because he doesn't want to be seen as a prude, and partly because he was jealous. That's right, he has been friend zoned. Not the kind where you sit around and whine because you've never asked the person out, but the kind where you were literally friend zoned. As in turned down.
It hurts.
A pang fills Louis' chest as he thinks back to that day in high school. Harry and he had always been close, since they were practically still in diapers. Jay had moved the family into a house across the street from the Styles' and the boys had instantly bonded. Louis had began feeling.... more than friendly towards Harry when they were thirteen, and around the same time, Harry had started becoming popular, his warm, friendly personality and baby face ensuring he was adored by everyone.
He'd had his first girlfriend at fourteen and Louis did his best to befriend her no matter how jealous he was – he'd even helped Harry plan the perfect date for her, the flowers, the music (he'd played his guitar for them to slow dance to) and even though it had felt like locking his heart in a jar of shattered glass, it had made Harry smile. The relationship had lasted three years.
When they were seventeen, Harry began dating another boy named Bradley – Louis had found out about that one by accidentally walking in on the blond boy giving Harry a blowjob.
He'd avoided Harry for a week after that incident. That was when it had happened. Harry had cornered him behind the school, angry and vicious. “You have a fucking problem with me dating guys?”
Louis had stared up at him in shock before shaking his head. “Of course not.” he'd whispered, but Harry wasn't appeased and kept at him interrogating him about why he'd freaked out and Louis felt like a prick. In the midst of Harry's rant, he had gotten frustrated and yelled “Because I'm in love with you!”
Now, instead of the cliché ending where Harry would have kissed him and said it back, Harry had frozen, eyes wide, face guilty. “Uh... um...” the longer he'd struggled with words, the more Louis' heart had sank – not that he'd ever let himself believe for a second that Harry could feel the same, but when the words came, they shredded his heart all the same. “I don't...I'm sorry. I don't feel that way for you. I love you, Lou, as a friend. Please don't hate me.”
Fighting back tears of rejection, Louis had forced himself to smile up at him. “Could never hate you Hazhead. I understand – I didn't mean for it to slip out, but I'm glad it did. At least now I'll never have to wonder... I’ll be able to... move on.” he lied, he knew he wouldn't. Unfortunately, he'd known Harry was it for him since they were young.
“If you need... time, I'd understand.”
Louis had shaken his head. “You know I'm not going to like... jump on you, right?”
Harry's eyes had widened, “No! I didn't mean... I thought...”
Forcing himself to laugh, Louis had bumped the taller boy with his shoulder, “I know what you meant, it's alright. But no, I don't need time Harry. I'm fine. It's actually a weight of my shoulders.” It was true, and not, at the same time. True, because Harry knew and Louis would never have to wonder if he felt the same, not, because he'd still have to pretend. Pretend that he was over his feelings and hide them once more. He could try to get over Harry, but he knew it was useless.
That had been seven years ago. Louis had been right, to this day he still loved Harry with all his heart and soul and even though he kept hurting him that love would endure. He'd love Harry when Harry stands at an alter and says 'I do' with the woman or man he chooses to spend his life with. He'd love him when he hands Louis his first son or daughter, when Louis himself marries – which was a long shot because it wouldn't be fair to that person – or has children. Sad, wasn't it? He'd been angry at Harry for a time – not because he didn't reciprocate, that would be moronic, but because Harry paraded his conquests everywhere. Louis quickly realized he was being selfish, Harry didn't owe him anything and shouldn't have to walk on egg shells to spare Louis' feelings. It still hurt. These thoughts made him feel like a tool and wished to God he could stop feeling the way he does but his stubborn heart refused to listen.
The bed began hitting the wall and Louis shuddered, snatching his headphones off the nightstand and hitting play on his iPod.
'That's what you get when you let your heart win
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of this beating-”
Growling he hit shuffle before crawling onto his bed and curling up, falling asleep to Paolo Nutini's Candy.
When he woke again it was silent throughout the flat. Sitting up with a sigh, Louis stretched and wandered out of his room into the kitchen, where he promptly had a heart attack. Or maybe that was in his head but the squeak he made caused the person pouring juice to jump, sloshing the liquid. Louis' gut twisted as he realized this was Harry's 'date' “Sorry, hi.”
His stomach dropped even further when the guy turned around. He was gorgeous. Hah, of course he was. Harry wasn't the type to date beneath him – Louis was proof enough of that. “Oh, hey man.”
American? Louis resisted the urge to shake his head. Harry had a thing for tourists. Probably because he knew he'd never see them again. “I'm... the flatmate.”
“Ah. You're Louis.”
He nodded, a little curious at the emphasis but didn't question it as he walked around the island to get a bottle of water from the fridge. “Sorry for the racket,” the guy chuckled.
“S'fine, I'm used to it – headphones.” He forced a laugh, looking down.
“I'm Zac. I'd give you my last name but... I doubt it's necessary.”
Louis nodded, sipping his water as he rooted through the fridge for a snack. “Hungry?”
Zac smiled, walking closer, “Yeah man, I could eat.”
Momentarily distracted by the guy's stunningly blue eyes and the jealousy that followed, it took him a few extra seconds to speak “Pizza okay?”
“When is pizza ever not okay?”
“Agreed.” Louis laughed, sticking five slices on a plate and into the microwave. Why five? He's psychic. Leaning against the counter he noticed Zac examining him with an odd look. Or at least he thought it was odd, he'd left his glasses in his bedroom. “Do I have a dent in my face from my pillow?”
Zac shook himself and laughed, “Nah man.”
“Okay...” The smell of pizza began filling the kitchen and Louis' nose twitched as he went back to the fridge to grab another bottle of water, setting in on the island, before getting another plate and setting next to the two Zac had put out. He knew he was getting weird looks but he ignored them, examining his nails until the timer went off.
After dishing out the pizza, two slices for Zac, one for him and two for- “Do I smell pizza?”
Harry's deep voice sounded as he rounded the corner in nothing but his black briefs. Even with years of training Louis still found it difficult to keep his eyes above the shoulders. “Of course you do.” Louis quipped with an eye roll, handing Harry the plate with two slices on it and a bottle of water before going back to his own snack.
“I see you've already met Kyle.”
Louis choked, turning his head away to keep from laughing as Zac fixed Harry with a glare. “It's Zac.”
“Oh right.”
Zac turned to Louis with a smirk, “He has a habit of calling me the wrong name...”
This time it was Harry who was choking and Louis raised an eyebrow, looking between them before picking his plate up. “Uh... right then.” He really didn't want to stick around for more flirting. “I'll just... leave you two to it then.”
Harry's arm shot out as he passed, hand resting on his side. “You don't have to-”
Louis snorted and pointed to himself, “Third-wheel Haz.” He pulled away and went back to his room, putting his headphones back in just in case.
-:-
“Pongo... St- you're gonna make me drop my keys.” Louis hummed in a baby voice as the puppy's tail wagged and it continued to lick his face. He had the puppy in one arm and a bag of puppy chow in the other. There was just no way he was getting the door open, he hit it twice with his knee, hoping Harry was home. Sure enough, a few seconds later the door opened, a confused Harry peering out at him until he realized Louis' predicament.
“Oh my God, Lou!”
“Yeah yeah take this,” he shoved the bag at him and carried Pongo into the kitchen, who seemed rather excited to meet Harry and vice versa. “This is Pongo. The shelter was filled up and I couldn't just leave him. You don't mind?”
Harry grinned widely and shook his head, “'Course not! Are we keeping him for good or just a while?”
“Well... that's what I was going to ask you... I didn't want to make any decisions before talking with you-”
“It's settled then! We keep him!”
Lifting the happy and squirming puppy into the air Louis laughed, “You hear that Pongo? You have a new home!” the little dog yipped, picking up on their excitement and he smiled, handing him to Harry. “Here, he needs to be fed.” He got the puppy chow out of the bag and a little bowl, setting it beside the wall on the other side of the kitchen.
“Har-”
“Who's a cute puppy! Who's a cute puppy!”
“Harry...” he rolled his eyes fondly at the baby noises the taller man was making at the puppy, “Harry... Harold! I think you need to actually put him down before he can eat.”
“I can't help it Lou! I just love him to bits!” Harry cooed as the puppy licked his ear.
Giggling softly at the sight, Louis fished his phone out of his pocket, “Say cheese!”
-:-
Louis stared (pouted) at the flowers he'd bought for himself; Valentines Day was the worst day of the year.
Once again Louis was alone. He'd given up on dates for that particular day after he'd almost been raped four years ago – well, actually that had been the straw that broke the camels back. His date the year before that, a girl named Eliza had publicly humiliated him, but he wasn't going to get into that. Not that his relationships had ever been good, and only consisted of 3 people: A guy who'd broken up with Louis because he wouldn't sleep with him (excuuuuuuse Louis for not wanting his first time with a guy to be with someone he'd just barely began dating) a girl he'd broken up with because he'd found out she'd cheated and another girl who he thought he could like until she announced she wanted an 'open relationship'
After all that he decided he needed a break from dating – the only reason he'd dated in the first place was so Harry didn't think he was stuck on him. He never told Harry about any of his bad dating experiences, Louis didn't exactly know why, it just seemed... weird. He usually just made a joke 'I'm just not relationship material, guess you dodged a bullet there!' he'd say with a playful punch to the other man's arm.
Yes. He buys himself flowers. Harry used to, until... yeah. Louis just figured he didn't want to make things awkward, okay, more awkward – what Harry didn't know was that those were the only flowers he'd ever received from another person that wasn't his mum and he used to look forward to them every year along with giving Harry a handmade card just like he did for his Birthday. It all made him feel rather pathetic now. God he was pathetic. He felt like one of those annoying characters in a movie that you just wanted to throttle. What made it even more sad was that Louis kept buying himself flowers so Harry wouldn't think he was some... mopey brat. He also stopped making Harry cards; he realized it was a bit strange for a teenager to make his best friend homemade cards. He'd stopped doing a lot of things after that day, not wanting to make Harry uncomfortable. They were still best friends of course, but Louis was more careful now, he couldn't jeopardize their friendship more than it already had been in the past.
Really, was Valentines day meant to make people feel so... inadequate?
Pongo snuffed at his feet and he smiled down at the puppy, scratching his ears. He had the flat to himself tonight, he supposed he should get something done.
A half hour later Louis had changed into his sweats and was standing on a chair, dusting the high shelves and vacuuming the curtains. He was not doing laundry. When he finished he tackled the bathroom. Usually Louis wasn't a clean freak but he needed to keep himself busy so he wouldn't curl up in a corner and sob himself to death. He needed someone. Someone to give his heart to -who actually wanted it. Someone who wasn't just after sex or using him for their own ends. He wished he could find that person and that they could just skip past the dating and getting to know each other stages and go right to the comfortable stage. He supposed he should work on that, loneliness wasn't something he'd recommend to anyone.
Louis wasn't such a downer on the outside, no, he kept those thoughts to himself, in case anyone got the idea that he was whiny.
Wiping the sweat from his brow, Louis stood, stretching the muscles in his back, the oven timer went off and he jogged to the kitchen washing his hands quickly before taking the batch of white chocolate macadamia nut cookies out -Harry's favourite- he didn't get him a card but made the cookies instead; just something to let him know he was being thought of.
He placed six on a plate and took them across the hall to Mrs. Brown. She was a widow and he knew her children didn't visit often so he made sure to greet her in the mornings and visit her on Sundays. He loved her like his own Gran, she was a feisty thing.
After a quick chat he went back to the flat. The cookies were cool now so he arranged them on a plate, placing the one he'd drawn a smiley face on with pink icing on top. He yawned as he scribbled out a note and placed it beside the plate before climbing the stairs to take a quick shower and collapsing into into his bed and curling into a ball. A few tears escaped his eyes before he fell into a fitful sleep; Pongo sprawled out next to him.
-:-
“You're coming.”
“No I'm not.” Louis said distractedly as he went through papers from the shelter, Perrie was on maternity leave and his work load had increased, not that he minded. He loved helping animals and it kept his mind occupied so it was a win win really.
“My mum hasn't see you in two years, she's always after me about you. Wanting to know how her little 'boobear' is doing.”
Louis felt his face heat up. Harry had overheard Jay calling him that once when they were kids and started calling him that more than his own name – until that day. Anne continued to call him boobear even after Harry had stopped. Anne was like a second mother to him, she had known about his feelings for Harry before he fully understood them himself. She had sent him looks filled with compassion and understanding whenever Harry would talk about his girlfriend or boyfriend, or when they were all at Harry's house at the same time. After that day, he'd avoided Harry's house for a week, he would have avoided Harry too but he couldn't let his friend now how much the rejection had torn him, couldn't be responsible for guilt on Harry's beautiful, happy face.
One night when Harry was out with Bradley, Anne had invited him over for tea. He'd been hesitant but she had been insistent and he couldn't say no. The second he was in the door he pulled him into a tight hug and he'd realized then that she knew what had happened and broke down. She had pulled him to the sofa and held him while he let everything he'd been holding in since that day out. “Oh honey...I'm so sorry.” she had said sadly, rubbing his back as he'd hiccupped. “I love my son, but sometimes I want to smack him.” Louis had laughed, wiping his eyes. “It's okay. He loves me, just... not the way.... I...but it's enough.” he'd whispered, lowering his eyes when she'd given him a look that said 'you can lie to him but I see right through it'
Harry never found out about that night; it was Anne and Louis' secret. He was grateful for her comfort and always would be. After they had moved to London for Uni and rented a flat together he still saw her, mostly when Harry visited her, though Harry usually brought his girlfriend/boyfriend at the time with him as well. Anne still sent Louis those looks as he'd looked everywhere else but Harry and his lover. It had been two years since he'd visited now. Those knowing looks had become too much. Louis felt guilty and he guessed that was part of the reason he didn't want to go.
“Louis!” Harry practically roared, making him flinch. He must have gotten lost in his thoughts.
“Calm down you ape. I'll go.”
“Yay!” Harry crowed, jumping around like a three year old before hugging him so tight Louis thought he heard his bones creaking.
“Yeah yeah get off.” He shrugged, not really wanting Harry to let go but not wanting the throbbing in his heart either. “Tell your mother to set up three extra plates” he laughed, refocusing on his papers.
“Three?”
Louis looked at him like he was touched in the head, “Uh yeah? You, whoever you're bringing this time and me?”
Harry's eyebrows lowered giving him an expression that Louis couldn't read even after twenty years of friendship. “It's just us.”
“Oh. Okay,” he shrugged. He must have hit a nerve, maybe Harry was going through a drought. Come to think of it, he hadn't had to wear his headphones to bed in almost two months... huh. “Wait what about Pongo?”
“He's coming with us....” the duh was heavily implied and Louis rolled his eyes. “I hope you know she's going to attack you with food when she sees you.”
Louis raised an eyebrow and Harry laughed, “You're... a lot thinner than you used to be.”
Frowning, he looked down at himself, he hadn't noticed. He knew he'd lost a few pounds but that was stress and forgetting to eat when he was focused on work. “Hmm...guess you're right. I didn't even realize...”
“Not to be rude... but you're a stick, Lou.”
Making a face and crossing his arms over his chest and pursed his lips. “Not all of us can be buff ya know.” surprisingly, the stick comment didn't make him feel self conscious, he knew he needed to gain some weight, he supposed if he were obsessive then it might have bothered him.
“I could be the pudgy marshmallow I was at sixteen and still lift you over my head with one arm.” Harry teased.
“I would have bitten you the second you put your hands on me and you know it.” Louis sing-songed back, taking a few sips of tea.
“Pfft, I would have stolen your glasses first so you wouldn't of seen me coming.”
After balling up a piece of paper and chucking it at Harry's head, Louis ignored him. “Doofus.” he muttered.
“I heard that!” Harry called from half way up the stairs, making him giggle.
-:-
The drive to Holmes Chapel was filled with Louis and Harry singing along to Barbie girl (among other songs) Pongo howling, Harry smacking Louis' legs off the dash and Louis licking Harry's coffee cup in retaliation, then blushing when Harry still drank from it. “I've had worse things in my mouth.”
After that Louis spent the rest of the drive trying to stamp out the jealousy burning in his gut.
When they finally pulled into Anne's driveway at 4:18 Louis was hyper from eating the bag of candy he'd picked up at Tesco before they left and yapping, and Harry was probably ready to snap him in half. The second he opened the car door Pongo was taking off like a bat out of Hell. Louis stumbled out after him, seeing Anne in the doorway from the corner of his eye before running after the menace of a dog. He didn't make it far. Harry yanked him back by the sweater, and shook his head as Louis kept pulling against his hold. “Pongo!” Harry roared, causing the dog to do a U turn and come running back.
Louis pouted, “how...”
“He knows I'm the boss or... Alpha in doggy speak. You would've chased him to the next town.”
He yanked himself out of Harry's grasp, “Just because you're bigger does not make you alpha.” He huffed, lifting his chin defiantly before marching back to the car to get his bag. Harry just grinned evilly at him.
He met Anne at the door with a sheepish smile, knowing he was going to get an ear full after not visiting for so long. She greeted him with a hug and a look that said 'you just wait', Harry got the same look when he was planning something sinister.
After putting his bag in the guest room, Louis hopped down the stairs and into the kitchen where Anne was waiting with a two sandwiches and a plate of cookies. He noticed the one meant for him was bigger, Harry had been right. Speaking of... the curly man must still be in his room, probably texting someone. Louis opened his mouth to apologize for not coming around more but Anne cut him off, “Eat.”
He nodded with a small smile, climbing up onto a stool and taking a big bite of sandwich. A few minutes later she asked how he was, he told her the truth... mostly. Talking about his work, Pongo, and made a point to tell her about his ex-girlfriend (with the exception of a few details) She looked surprised at that, he didn't blame her. She was sipping her tea and he took the chance to bite into his cookie. Anne had always made the best; it was where he'd gotten the recipe. Not that she knew that.
Something warm pressing against his back almost had Louis choking as he turned his head to where Harry was resting his chin on his shoulder, eyes zeroed in on the cookie he was holding. “You're worse than Pongo,” he snorted, but put the cookie in Harry's mouth, making sure to keep his eyes off those full pink lips and instead pushing Harry away by the forehead. Harry just laughed and took the stool next to his, chatting with Anne, who had a funny look in her eyes.
“These cookies are heaven, mum.” Harry moaned, then added, “Almost as good as Louis'.”
Anne's eyebrows shot up -though not in offence – at the same time Louis looked at Harry like he'd gone loony. “I didn't know you baked Louis.”
Pursing his lips, Louis nodded, “Yeah, just started about a year ago. Relieves stress, I can see why you do it so often... you know, besides the fact that it's yummy.”
“I've had to start working out more often thanks to you trying to make me fat,” Harry elbowed him then looked back at Anne, “The first time he attempted to bake a cake he almost burnt the place down.”
“I didn't see you helping!” Louis cried, “You were too busy with your head in the bowl and laughing at me to notice!”
“You... you were running around the kitchen like a chihuahua after a gun went off,” Harry was wheezing with laughter now, cookies forgotten. Louis smacked the back of his head and crossed his arms, sucking on the inside of his cheeks to keep from smiling. There was a nut on his plate from the cookie and before he could think about it he was flicking it at Harry, who stopped laughing when it bounced off his forehead and twitched his nose, turning to look at at Louis with a gleam in his eye. Louis' eyes widened, he knew what that meant.
They stared at each other for another second then Louis was gone, sliding off the stool and taking off down the hall leading to the living room; Harry hot on his heels. Louis squealed with laughter as Harry chased him around the sofa before they wound up in a dance of sorts, Louis smirking while Harry sized him up with a predatory grin, it reminded him of when they were kids. Before he could blink Harry had jumped over the back of the sofa, hands snagging the material of his oversized sweater so he couldn't bolt and yanking him down onto the cushions; proceeding to tickle him. Louis screamed with laughter when Harry's fingers dug into his sides, using his legs to try and push the bigger man off. “Say Harry Styles is brilliant.”
Louis tried to get his knee against Harry's chest for leverage but ended up with his leg wrapped around Harry's side, probably because he was weakened from laughter. “H-Harry....SSSStyles is.... a wanker!”
Harry growled, pushing his hands under Louis' sweater and wrapping both hands around his waist (he tried not to think about the fact that his fingers almost met) digging his thumbs into his stomach while using his fingers to tickle his back. Louis was so busy laughing that he missed the way Harry's eyes had darkened as he took in the way his hands fit around his middle. He snapped out of it before the smaller man could noticed. “say it!” Harry demanded with a laugh, digging his fingers in even further. Louis screamed again, trying to buck him off now. “Harrrry Ssstylesss is B....ONKERS!”
“You little-”
“Brilliant! Brilliant, I meant brilliant!” he squeaked breathlessly, there was no way he could handle another round of tickling. Harry smiled, satisfied, but it didn't stop him from pinching the skin over Louis' hipbone, earning another high pitched noise before Harry collapsed backwards laughing while Louis attempted to catch his breath. He kicked Harry's thigh for good measure and forced himself to stand, face heating in embarrassment when he saw Anne leaning against the doorway, arms crossed, eyebrow raised. Louis cleared his throat and headed back to the kitchen. Meanwhile, Anne's eyes stayed focused on her son, who was staring at his friend's retreating back with a dopey expression. She shook her head and followed Louis. Dumb, her son was dumb.
-:-
Perrie: enjoying your weekend w the boyfriend?
Louis: not my boyfriend
Louis smiled sadly as he typed, if she only knew.
Perrie: he should be
Louis: I know
He shut off his phone and rolled onto his side, wishing his mum still lived in the house across the street (she had moved when she remarried) he loved the Styles house of course, it just held so many memories, most of them good. Like the time Harry had fallen out of the tree in the backyard and broke his arm. Louis had slept over for a week, refusing to leave his friend and their mothers hadn't had the heart to separate them. Or the time they built a fort in the den and watched scary movies instead of trick-or-treating because it had been raining and they'd snuggled together all night, Louis had only been ten but he couldn't remember a time before or after where he felt so content, so whole.
Biting his lips, Louis fought back tears. Why did it have to be like this? Why did he have to love Harry more than he should? Why couldn't it just go away and spare him the squeezing ache in his chest? Why. Sometimes he thought it'd be easier if his mum had chosen somewhere else to live all those years ago, he hated himself for it, but it was true. He knew deep down that Harry's friendship meant everything to him and always had. What was wrong with him? Why wasn't it enough?
The bedroom door creaked open and Louis quickly wiped his eyes. He knew it was Harry. They would always sneak into each others beds during sleep overs after they had gotten too big to share one. They hadn't done it in over seven years (Louis still slept on the left side of the bed) he couldn't help but wonder why Harry was doing it now.
“You mind?” Harry's raspy voice asked from the door.
Pongo had taken a liking to Anne and was was sleeping in her room, the traitor.
“No,” he whispered back, reaching behind himself to pull the blanket up, hoping Harry wouldn't hear the tears clogging his throat. The bed dipped a second later and he couldn't stop his mouth from curving up into a smile as he was bounced around while Harry tried to find a comfortable position; some things never change. Harry went still and he assumed he was comfortable so he closed his eyes.
He opened them again quickly when he felt the heat of the taller man pressing along his back. He stiffened, the tears coming back. “Don't.” he begged, voice cracking.
“Lou?”
“Don't... don't touch me.”
Harry acted as if he hadn't spoken, placing his hand on Louis' hip and tugging him backwards until he was pressed almost tightly against his chest. “Harry, please don't.”
He felt a little guilty, he should be able to cuddle with his best friend and not have it feel like he was losing a piece of his soul, but he couldn't. Not yet. It had been seven years and he honestly didn't know if he'd ever be able to. His spine stiffened when Harry's chin brushed his cheek. What the-
“I love you.” Harry announced quietly, yet it was like a bomb going off.
The tears that had been building finally poured down his cheeks and he sat up, turning to look at Harry; agony clear on his face. Before he could stop himself his hand flew out and a loud crack filled the room, his hand stinging as it connected with Harry's cheek. He stared in shock for a moment as did Harry who looked utterly stunned.
“That's not funny, you heartless bastard!” he snapped, scooting to the edge of the bed, he needed to get away from Harry. Warm hands closed around the tops of his arms from behind and he knew that wasn't going to happen. “What do you want from me.” he sighed almost tonelessly. He was so tired of this.
“You,” Harry answered simply. “I just want you.”
“Don't you know it's not nice to mock people?” There was no way Harry meant it.
“You don't believe me, do you?”
“Not really, no. I always knew you had a sick sense of humor but this takes the cake, Harry.”
“Look at me.”
Louis ignored him, shaking his head. He'd had this dream before. He was going to wake up any minute. He gasped as he was spun around to face Harry who was looking at him with pain his eyes. Louis blinked, confused, why was Harry sad? “I'm not joking and I'm not lying. I love you, Louis William Tomlinson.”
“Harry, I know you haven't had a date in a while but you're being a tad ridiculous. Once we get back to London you'll find someone to scratch the itch, then you'll look back on this and laugh at yourself. Goodnight.”
Maybe Harry would go to sleep now and stop trying to kill him.
Harry regarded him sadly. “I love you,” he repeated.
Louis frowned, his throat becoming tight once more. “Are you high?”
“I love you.”
“Sleep it off,” he sighed and went to get back under the covers but was stopped by Harry pulling him closer until they were nose to nose and he had no choice but to look in the other man's eyes. “ Harry, quit being an idiot, we both know you can do better than me, I'm not going to fall for whatevers going on here.”
He thought he heard Harry muttering something under his breath but ignored it until Harry looked up at him. “I did this to you, didn't I? Is it too much to hope that you still love me then?”
Louis' heart was pounding and desperately wanted to tell Harry the truth: he'd always loved him and always would. But he couldn't. This was a recipe for heartbreak.
“Yes.” he lied, keeping his voice firm. His heart broke when Harry's face crumpled. He thought Harry would protest or argue but he merely nodded, “I... don't blame you.”
Louis bit his lip “and no.” he could see a tiny ember of hope in Harry's eyes still and he knew he had to put the final nail in that coffin. “I do love you Harry, as my best friend. Everything's the way it should be now.” LIARLIARLAR every part of him that wasn't his mouth screamed, again, he pushed it aside. “ Whatever this-” he gestured between them “is right now, I think it's just...”
“Don't!” Harry yelled, jumping out of the bed and finally reaching the end of his tether, “Don't you fucking trivialize my feelings for you like I'm a fucking p re-teen! I'm twenty-three years old Louis! I've been in relationships, I've been with plenty of people! Every time, I.. every person at one point or another, was compared to you, whether it was a stray thought or during a sleepless night spent agonizing over that day seven years ago! None of them even came close to you. I love you. I'm sorry I was such a fucking...” he yanked on his hair and paced before standing at the foot of the bed, “that I didn't realize sooner. That I've lost my chance with the only person I've ever truly loved.” He walked to the door, “I guess it's true. Karma's a bitch.” then he was gone, the door clicking softly behind him.
Louis stared at the wall unseeing. What had he done? Harry had just admitted to being in love with him and he had turned him down. Blinking rapidly, he could feel nothing but a fuzziness in his brain and a stinging numbness throughout his entire body. He'd done the right thing, right? If Harry was confused... no. What if he had accepted and Harry changed his mind in a few months? That would have killed him. But... if he made the right decision, why does he feel like he'd just been offered the world and all it's treasures on his doorstep and that he'd closed the door on it? More tears slipped past his eyelids and he let out a bitter laugh. No, this was for the best. Harry was perfect, he was the sun, the entire universe, and Louis was nothing. There was no way Harry could have been happy settling for him.
Without thinking, Louis slid from the bed and wandered into the bathroom connecting to his room, locking the door, stripping his pajamas and getting in the shower. The sound of the water calmed him as he let it beat down on him.
He didn't know how long he stood there before he reached for the soap, he vaguely realized it smelled like oranges. When he was done he went back to his previous state of staring at nothing. His legs got tired after a while and he sat down on the shower floor, knees to his chest. He barely noticed when the water ran cold. A loud thump penetrated the catatonic state he'd temporarily slipped into and he realized it was coming from the other side of the door. “Louis!”
He blinked at the sound of Harry's frantic voice but otherwise ignored it. A few minutes later the door clicked and he remembered the it had a keyhole. Seconds later the glass door of the shower was wrenched open and the taps were being turned off. “Louis! Jesus, baby, what...”
Harry's voice soothed him a bit but he still didn't respond, next thing he knew a towel was being draped over his back and Harry was lifting him bridal style. “Jesus Christ you're freezing! Mum! Tea!”
“I'll be right back,” Anne said worriedly and he belatedly realized she had been in the room.
“Louis, love... what's wrong.” Harry asked gently.
The second the words were out of Harry's mouth he found himself with a lap full of wet, cold and naked Louis. The smaller man winding his arms and legs around him like a spider monkey. “What-”
“I lied,” Louis mumbled against his neck, cheeks flushing in embarrassment. “I still love you...”
“You mean-”
“IN love, yes. I... I didn't believe you because things like that just don't happen to me, that.." he nodded towards the bathroom, "was shock or something. My relationships have never went well...”
Harry managed to scoot backwards with Louis still clinging to him until they were leaning against the headboard and pull the blankets over them. “I'm sorry,” Harry muttered into his wet hair before kissing his temple. “I... felt like shit after... you know. Something inside me was telling me I'd just made the biggest mistake of my life.”
Louis shook his head, pressing his nose against Harry's jaw and trying to fight off more tears; he was in Harry's arms. “You can't force yourself to fall in love,” he whispered, “I told you then that I understood.”
“That's just it, I... think... no, I know that I was in love with you, but I was too stupid to see it. I hurt you.”
Louis didn't deny it, “I lived,” he joked.
“I realized the impact of everything when you stopped making me homemade cards.”
“Didn't wanna make you uncomfortable,” Louis sighed, “you stopped giving me flowers on Valentines Day.”
“Thought I lost that privilege. I'll buy you a thousand flowers.”
“And I'll make you a thousand birthday cards.” His giggle turned into a squeak when Harry was suddenly looming over him. Louis licked his lips, hoping it was enough of an invitation. It was. They kissed for what seemed like hours but at the same time not long enough. The weight of Harry's body on top of his was intoxicating, the way he nipped at Louis' bottom lip and jawline, the way his hands slid around his waist, the hungry growl that followed. Harry had a thing for his stomach, apparently. He gasped when Harry cupped him between his legs, “I've never been with a guy...” he whispered, might as well tell the truth, he just hoped Harry wouldn't laugh.
He didn't. Instead, he pulled back, looking down at Louis with a strange gleam in his eyes. “Good,” he growled, leaning down again to nip at the sensitive skin of Louis' throat, “means you're mine, only mine.”
“Always have been you dolt.”
Harry looked back up, eyes sad for a moment, “I know.”
A few minutes later they were still pawing at each other like teenagers – he'd always known Harry was handsy but this was something else.
“Oh! my...” Anne's surprised voice came from the doorway causing Louis to jump and Harry to smirk. “Thank God,” she huffed, “Jay will happy to know she can start with that wedding book again.”
“What!?” they both shouted at the same time, but Anne just laughed, waving at them. “Play safe.” she sing-songed, closing the door before Harry could hum a pillow at her. He turned back to Louis with an evil smirk, “Play safe,” he echoed, “too bad I plan on filling you with cum instead...”
Louis whined, parting his legs and offering himself up for Harry to do just that.
They had a lot to talk about, but they could do that later.
-:-
“You just had to hit every bump on the way home, didn't you.” Louis grouched, flopping down on the sofa with a wince after they finally arrived home, Pongo bounding into the kitchen to his food dish.
“Wanted to remind you of my-”
“I... doubt I'll ever forget. You almost killed me.”
Harry shrugged, “S'not my fault you're so tiny... and tight.”
“You're a horrible person.”
“And you love me,”
"I do.”
For my whole life
We never crossed the line
Only friends in my mind
But now I realize,
It was always you
Can't believe I could not see it all this time, all this time
It was always you
Now I know why my heart wasn't satisfied, satisfied
It was always you, you
No more guessing who
Looking back now I know it was always you, always you