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“I love that you dye your hair crazy colours.” Luke had mumbled to him one night in bed, his hand running through Michael's soft, bright red hair. Michael had grinned tiredly in to Luke's collar-bone, snuggling closer and humming.
“Well then I'll keep doing it for you.” He replied, voice quiet as Luke's arms tightened around him and Michael could feel his soft smile.
“Good.”
That had been four months ago and now Michael was staring in to the mirror, a box of hair dye in one hand and his other hand tugging frustratedly at the red mop on his head. He stared down at the black dye, sighing heavily. He could feel his eyes water up and he clutched at the sink until the feeling washed over him.
A rush of anger soared through Michael's chest and he angrily tugged the box open, ignoring as the cardboard ripped around his frustration. He shook the numerous tubes and instructions out of the box and in to the sink. With one last look at the hair he loved so much, he shook his head and wiped away a stray tear, getting to work.
Luke liked his hair red, loved his hair bright, so Michael was going as dull as possible because every time he looked in the mirror he was reminded of the way Luke used to watch him with a smile, his bright eyes darting up to Michael's equally as bright hair, fondly.
Luke had broken Michael's heart, and so Michael was taking away the only thing he knew that Luke liked. Because he obviously didn't love Michael anymore, not if he broke up with him, not if they hadn't spoken in three weeks, not if every little thing they had ever told one another – every whisper during interviews, every murmur late at night, it meant nothing to Luke if he could just turn round one morning and tell Michael he was done, that the relationship was over.
So, Michael couldn't be reminded of that anymore. He couldn't look in the mirror and think of Luke, he had to move on and start fresh so he was going back to black.
With a sigh, he glanced in the mirror and wiped the splatters of hair dye off his face. Half an hour he had to wait until the red was gone, half an hour until he could forget. The dye on his head didn't look black, he worried as he stared at it, it looked almost a dark purple. Michael had experience with hair-dye, of course, so he knew it didn't change the out come of the colour – he had dark blue hair dye turn in to lilac when washed out, he knew the realistics of dying hair.
Heading in to the kitchen, where all the boys were lounging around the table and nibbling on lunch, he smiled as warmly as he could. “You're dying your hair again?” Calum asked, raising a brow. He knew Michael loved having red hair, it was the one colour he had kept the longest.
Luke was watching him intensely as he shrugged, “Yeah, figured it was time for a change.”
“What colour?” Ashton asked, taking a huge bite of his sandwich. Michael just chuckled, grabbing a drink from the fridge and rolling his eyes as Ashton choked.
“You'll find out.” He smiled and he saw Luke smile a little in to his food. Michael's grin changed to a scowl, Luke wasn't allowed to smile at Michael's usual statement, he wasn't allowed to be fond of the way Michael wouldn't tell them what colour he was going until it was done, he wasn't allowed anymore.
So Michael grabbed his drink and headed out the room, waving a hand as Calum called, “Make sure you're ready in time for tonight's interview!”
The boy lounged in his bed for the next twenty-five minutes, absent-mindedly scribbling lyrics to possible songs in the future (which, yes, were about Luke but he would never admit it and Calum and Ashton never called him out on it when he handed over a new song), flicking through junk TV and scrolling through twitter.
@Michael5SOS: dying my hair again, think this is the last time!
He got responses saying they didn't believe him, wanting to know what colour and laughing because they knew he would probably be a different colour next week but he really felt like this could be it. The fun of dying his hair bright colours and watching Luke beam at every choice had disappeared and now it was left with rubbish memories of Michael's hand clutching in the red strands as he sank to the floor of his hotel room and sobbed.
He remembered that once, when he was in school, his friend had incredibly long hair that fell right down to her lower back and she walked in to school one day after her break-up and suddenly she had such short hair. When Michael had asked her why she had said Ryan liked my hair long, so I cut it off.
At the time he thought that she was being stupid, that she shouldn't let a guy control what she did with any part of her life – even her hair style. But now, as he stared in to the mirror and ticked down the last few minutes, he finally understood.
Washing out the dye created a sense of relief, he watched the black water fade in to a murky grey and then as it went clear and he smiled to himself – it was done, he was no longer red or bright or crazy. He was normal and plain and, most importantly in Luke's opinion, boring.
Glancing at the clock he realized he only had fifteen minutes until the taxi would arrive to take the band to their radio interview and so he quickly towel dried his hair before blasting it with a hair-drier. The outcome was great, his hair was fluffy, it was dry and it was pure black.
Styling it a little, Michael left the room in his fresh clothes and met Ashton at the door, who gaped at his hair for a moment. “Black?” He asked, frowning a little. Michael shrugged, fixing the fringe a little.
“Yeah, figured I'd go back.”
“Why?” Calum's voice shocked Michael in to jumping round to face the boy who was staring at Michael's hair curiously. Michael cringed a little under Calum's gaze, he knew Calum could read him pretty easily and it worried him a little.
“Just tired of bright colours.”
There was a choking noise from the door-way of the bathroom and Luke was stood gaping at Michael's hair, Michael flushed a little and stared at his feet meaning he missed Luke's crest-fallen face and the fact he had to blink a few times to prevent any tears from falling.
“To each their own.” Ashton beamed obliviously but Michael flashed him a grateful smile anyway, and the four of them left the flat and in to the taxi.
Luke didn't look at Michael for the entire car journey and as much as Michael's heart hurt he knew he had done the right thing because now they could both move on and be happy and – yeah he was lying to himself, he wasn't sure he could ever move on from Luke, he had been crazily in love with the younger guy for years and they had been together for half of that. Michael had thought Luke felt the same, that they couldn't be apart, that they would be together forever but apparently not and so he was forcing himself to get a grip and forget about the beautiful boy.
The interview was going well, it was probably one of the most interesting to date seeing as they were being interviewed by two guys who had also started out on youtube. “Now,” Dan said, grinning over at Michael. “People can't see you right now but can I tell them about your hair, Michael?”
Michael laughed in to the microphone, aware of Luke tensing up beside him. “Yeah, go ahead.”
“He's bald.” Dan sighed and Phil shoved his best friend with a loud laughter. “Nah, I'm kidding, dear God I hope no body had a heart attack.”
“They might have one when they know his hair's black now!” It was Ashton who outed Michael's new hair colour and the two interviewers laughed.
Dan asked Michael, “So why the colour? Not that I don't love black as a hair colour because come on, it's the same colour as my soul.” Dan smirked, flashing a wink to the camera that was filming them for the website. Michael laughed loudly before answering.
“I was just tired of bright colours.” He took a deep breathe. “The red reminded me of crap stuff that had happened during the time I had the colour and I figured why not change it? So I went back to black, I liked it when I had it the first time and I know some fans like that colour too so...” He trailed off, shrugging as Luke's knuckles were pure white where they gripped on the arms of his chair.
“Boys,” Phil smiled. “What about you guys? What was your favourite hair colour of Michael's?”
“Any.” Calum laughed, “He's had so many it's hard to keep up with, though the galaxy hair was sweet.” Ashton agreed out loud and everybody, bar Michael, turned to Luke.
“Red.” He forced out through his teeth, “But I liked any of his bright colours, in my opinion it's more Michael.”
“Nah man,” Michael's smile was forced but he wasn't about to let it drop as Luke turned to him with a wide-eyed gaze, they hadn't spoke to one another, even on camera, in weeks. “I don't think my hair really defines me, it changes how people look at me, sure, but it was definitely time for a change and it's just a shame that some people aren't going to like it but I can't change that.”
His eyes were boring right in to Luke's and Luke was losing breath, fast. Michael forced himself to look away and smile at Dan and Phil who's eyes darted between the two almost knowingly. They quickly asked the next question but Luke didn't speak for the rest of the interview and Calum threw them both a glare.
When they stumbled in to the taxi at the end of the day Calum turned to the pair of them and said, “Could you two have been any more obvious?”
“We were just answering the question.” Luke mumbled, staring at his long fingers and blinking determinedly.
“'it's more Michael' 'it's a shame that some people aren't going to like it'.” Calum mocked before snapping, “Listen, I know Michael, that you changed your hair because Luke liked the red and Luke, I know you liked the red and that this stupid fucking hair-dye shows some sort of final end to the two of you but you can't go and be so obvious.”
Luke stared at Calum with wide, wet eyes and Michael simply stared out the window as Ashton stared at Michael's hair in shock, the realization sinking in of why he had changed the colour so suddenly. “When it's suddenly thrown on you, then it's hard.” Luke huffed and the laugh Michael let out was pure nasty. Luke turned to him in shock, his lower lip quivering as Michael glared at him.
“I wonder how that feels.” he snapped, slouching down and crossing his arms as Luke flinched.
“I didn't – I – it's not -” Luke stammered and Michael rolled his eyes, purposefully exaggerating the way he put his earphones in to show he wasn't listening to Luke. The blonde boy let a few tears fall silently and he wiped them away quickly with his sweater, letting out a shaky sigh.
Calum ripped one of Michael's ear buds out and Michael stared at him, not giving away any emotion – the entire band thought Michael looked terrifying like this. Not like he would harm anybody in the car, but like he wasn't there, like he wasn't in his body and it was scary. “I get it, you're hurt, Luke fucked you over -” Calum through Luke an apologetic look as Michael's ex-boyfriend took a shuddering gasp. “But you two either need to sort yourselves out or 5 Seconds of Summer isn't going to last.”
Michael knew he wasn't being fair on Calum or Ashton, they had been so good to Luke and him during the relationship and they didn't deserve this. Michael nodded jerkily, “Can I walk the rest of the way?” He asked, wincing as his voice cracked in the middle.
Calum and Ashton shared a glance, “I don't know if that's a good idea.” Ashton mumbled and Michael sighed.
“I'll make it home fine, I just need time to think.” He admitted and they sighed, figuring it could do no harm. Calum called to the driver to pull over for a second and he looked outside to be sure the road was empty before Michael left. He could hear Luke's cries before the door slammed shut, but he tried ignoring them just the way he was trying to ignore the pain in his chest.
Changing his hair was supposed to have helped him get over Luke but instead it just made him think back to the entire relationship, made him go over everything in his head and see where he went wrong. Why did Luke stop loving him?
Hands sneaked over his eyes and there was a cute, tiny giggle in his ear. Michael huffed, letting out a laugh, “Oh I wonder who that is.”
“Shut up.” Luke laughed, “I have a surprise for you but you're not allowed to see it.”
“What kind of surprise?” Michael asked, warily, as Luke helped him up the stairs. Luke giggled again and Michael let out a relaxed sigh at the feeling of his boyfriend pressed up against him, holding him so close.
“A good surprise.” Was all Luke said, laughing as Michael swore at him. Luke led Michael in to their flat – or at least Michael hoped it was their flat – and down the hallway. “Are you ready?”
“I don't know, am I?” Michael drawled, huffing. He hated this, he felt stupid and he hated the fact he loved how tall Luke now was. “You better not be about to throw pie in my face or something, it's my birthday God dammit.”
Luke laughed loudly, “I'm not that evil!”
“I beg to differ -” Michael broke off as Luke removed his hands and a crowd of people yelled 'SURPRISE' in his face. He jumped back in to Luke's arms out of shock before taking in his surroundings. His family, and the boys families, and their friends and staff were all piled in to the boys small flat. Banners were over the back wall and balloons were spread around the flat, all saying Happy Birthday to the purple-haired boy. There was a large cake in front of the crowd of Michael's loved ones and Michael laughed down at the pictures, so many of the band when they first started and next to them were photographs of the band now.
Michael hugged his Mum tight, letting her cry in to his shoulder and rolling his eyes over her at the rest of his family. He welcomed everybody else, hugged the boys Mums and shook their Dads hands, he cheered with his old friends and he chatted to the staff before he found his way back to his band. “How did this -” He stared around the room, feeling the emotion filling his chest. Everybody was here for him, and only him, they were here because they cared.
“Luke planned the whole thing.” Ashton beamed. “We just helped him get it all going.”
“I -” He broke off, staring at Luke who was smiling sheepishly at him. Ashton cackled loudly and shoved the pair in to the kitchen, shutting the door behind him as he left and probably standing guard. Michael gathered Luke in to his arms, murmuring a quiet “Thank you.” in to the crook of his boyfriends neck.
“Any time.” Luke replied, sincerely. “You know I'd do anything for you.”
“Yeah.” Michael breathed, pulling back to stare up at Luke who was smiling softly down at him. Michael stared directly in to Luke's eyes as he said, for the first time, “I love you.”
He watched as Luke's eyes widened marginally but he otherwise tried to keep his composure, blurting out, “Fuck, I love you, too.” Michael grinned, stepping impossibly closer and pressing his lips against Luke's softly. It was at this moment that he knew he never wanted to experience life without Luke in his arms, because Luke made everything better.
Michael had found his way to a park, where he was half-heartedly swinging on the swing-set, staring at the sky as it slowly grew darker. He knew it was some time after eleven, and that somewhere behind him the moon was shining but he just liked how peaceful it looked right now. He liked how calm he felt.
The calm before the storm, evidently, because he watched the gate to the park open and he could recognize that figure from a mile off. Michael tensed on the swing as Luke came closer, shuffling across the grass and rubbing at his neck. He looked nervous and Michael didn't see why, because Luke chose to follow Michael here, he didn't need to.
Luke settled on the swing next to Michael's, scraping his heels against the ground as Michael continued to stare at the stars. After about the third sigh from Luke's direction, Michael turned to him and said, “Why are you here?”
Luke stared over at the boy, eyes mainly on Michael's hair. He took a moment to organize his thoughts before whispering, “Did you really change your hair because of me?”
Michael considered lying and spouting the same old shit about it being for a change, and him being bored of standing out in crowds and all of that crap but instead he shrugged and said, “Yeah.”
The noise Luke made tore Michael's heart in half and he wanted nothing more than to reach over and cuddle the boy until he was alright again but he gripped the metal bars of the swing tightly, ignoring the pain as Luke asked, “Why?”
Michael glanced over at him, looking away quickly when he saw the watery eyes watching him. “It just – it reminded me of you too much. Reminded me of us.”
“Why would you want to forget that?” Luke shook his head in confusion, his voice sounding betrayed.
Michael laughed and this time it wasn't nasty it was just sad. “It hurts too much to remember.” He looked Luke in the eyes as he said this next park, he wanted Luke to understand. “Every time I looked in the mirror I remembered you playing with my hair and it hurt, I remembered you complimenting my hair and it hurt, I remembered you telling me you preferred it crazy and it hurt, but most of all I remembered looking at myself in the mirror after you broke up with me and I remember how broken I looked and how hurt I looked and how fucked up my hair was because I had held it as I broke down, and it hurt. I hurt.”
The two boys stared at one another, breathlessly, as tears streamed down both their cheeks. Luke shook his head, letting out a small sob, “I never meant to hurt you.”
Michael smiled, albeit pathetically, “I know.”
“No.” Luke shook his head faster now, running a hand through his hair. “You don't.”
Michael sighed, “Tell me then. Tell me why you broke up with me. It was so sudden and, to be honest, I didn't expect it yet. I always knew if one of us were to end it it would be you but I never expected it to be now.”
“Why?” Luke croaked out. “Why did you think it would be me?”
Michael rolled his eyes, scuffing his toe against the ground. “I was right, wasn't I?”
“That's not what I asked.”
Michael's sigh was frustrated as he said, “Because I loved you too much to break up with you.”
He watched Luke rise to his feet, anger flitting over his face, “What and you think I didn't?”
“You broke up with me, didn't you?” Michael pointed out, one eyebrow rising as Luke's face transformed in to some sort of angry pain, like he didn't quite know how to feel right now.
“I loved you.” He shook his head, letting out a humourless laugh. “Mikey, I love you. I broke up with you because I figured it was time you went out and found somebody else, I figured if you could hate me the way you did when we first met then that could never have faded, I thought you could find better.”
“So it's my fault?” Michael asked, not processing a thing that Luke was saying. Luke let out an angry yell and Michael rolled his eyes at Luke being so dramatic.
“That's not what I'm saying.” He stepped closer to Michael and the dark-haired boy felt so small, sitting down and staring up at Luke who was towering over him. “It's my fault, it's one hundred percent my fault. I just couldn't help thinking all this negative shit about our relationship, I thought maybe you would find better and I should break it off before you did because it would hurt me too much if you ended it.”
“You didn't seem to take in to consideration how much it hurt me, though.” Michael said, his voice blank of emotion as he stared at Luke who nodded.
“I know, and God I'm so sorry, Mikey.” He shook his head. “I don't know how I ever thought I could pretend not to love you but I do, and I always will and if I could take it all back I would. I want nothing else than to be your boyfriend again but I know I've messed up all because I was scared. You don't deserve that.” He whispered the last word and Michael's blank expression broke, his face crumbled and he pressed his hands firmly against it to stop Luke from seeing. “I've screwed up any possibility of us happening again, haven't I?”
“No.” Michael whispered and he heard Luke taking in a shuddering gasp. “Can I – give me time, please.” He had so much to think about. Could he trust Luke after this, not to run away and hide when things got scary? Could he trust himself to be normal around Luke again? Did he want to put himself through this again?
“Yeah, yes, of course, I'll leave now and you can -” Luke was stuttering and Michael let out a small laugh. Luke let out a terribly embarrassing whine at that sound. He hadn't heard it in so long, not directed at him anyway, and fuck he could punch himself in the face right now because Michael was here, he was right here and he had been here the entire time and Luke had nearly lost that.
Michael smiled softly at his fingers, “You don't need to leave, we can walk home together.”
“Yeah, okay.” Luke blurted out, eagerly.
The pair walked in silence but for the first time in weeks Michael actually felt calm, like a huge weight had been lifted. His heart didn't quite hurt anymore and it was – well, it was good.
The band sort of slowly blended back in to a normal routine and the fans all noticed. Michael hadn't realized that it had been so noticeable that he and Luke hadn't been speaking but after posting a picture of himself and Calum with Luke grinning over Michael's shoulder and jabbing Michael in the neck, the tweets were insane. They were all about how he and Luke must have made up and how they were so happy and relieved and Michael felt happy.
“So what's happening with you and Luke?” Calum asked one night as Ashton and Luke began setting up a twit-cam in the next room. Michael glanced over from where he was eating his toast and shrugged.
“We're trying.”
“So you're back together or -?” Calum asked, curiously. Michael sighed, he wasn't quite sure what was happening yet. He knew they weren't a couple again but he just wasn't sure what he wanted and he knew he would have to talk to Luke soon because he had seen the lingering looks Luke had given him and the touches and the hopeful gaze after Michael hugged him.
“No, not yet.” Michael sighed again. “He explained everything to me and we chatted and it was the most pointless break-up in the world but I just need to work out if I can trust him again.”
Calum nodded, making to leave the room as Michael finished his toast but the boy paused and turned to Michael, “I think you will. Trust him again, I mean. The two of you have always had something different than any other bromance in this band, you're kind of made for each other.”
And he left as Michael rolled his eyes. Maybe Calum was right though, Michael remembered despising Luke and he remembered how he didn't notice the fact that hate had slowly faded in to like, which became love when the band formed and not long later Michael was genuinely in love with his best friend and they soon found themselves hiding in closets to kiss one another senseless.
He finished off his toast, brushing the crumbs off of his fingers and heading in to the room where the three boys were sat on the couch and the laptop was placed in the centre of the table. There was a space for Michael, next to Luke and Michael watched as Luke lit up when Michael entered the room.
Michael couldn't help smile, throwing himself beside Luke and grinning at the camera as Luke's arm went over the couch behind him. Michael sank in to the familiar warmth of the touch and he felt like he was home.
The twit-cam was good, it was exciting and it made Michael happy to be able to answer fan questions under a less-strict manner than in an interview. There were moments when Michael though ' Jesus why does anybody take us seriously? ' because really, Ashton ran around in a banana suit and Calum tackled Ashton to the ground so hard they were sure the oldest boy had broken his knee but the entire time Luke remained with his arm around Michael and so Michael really couldn't care less about anything at this precise moment.
“Someone asks, who would you say you're closest to in the band?” Luke read from the screen, still smiling in to the camera.
Ashton huffed loudly, “You're making us choose!?” He protested and Michael couldn't help the small laugh that escaped from him as they stared at Ashton's pout.
“I'm gonna say Michael.” Luke answered, determinedly. “Why, I hear you ask?”
“No, you don't hear them ask.” Calum huffed but the band left him to it as Michael grinned in his direction whilst he listed off the great things about Michael, about his humour and his laugh and how good a friend he is and then it came around to his hair.
“And his hair is amazing, as you all know.” He glanced at the black mop on the boys head. “Any colour, any colour is amazing.”
Michael smiled against Luke's shoulder as ' Muke af' kept coming in to the question bar at the side. Michael shut his eyes, allowing himself to take this moment in to consideration and realize exactly how much he loved Luke. Nothing he did was going to change that, not dying his hair or even shaving it off, he was always going to love Luke and he was never, ever, going to forget about the years that they were together.
So why not just create more years for them to never forget?
Michael hummed in to Luke's shoulder to get his attention as Ashton started talking about 'important band issues' and when Luke turned to face him, Michael whispered, “Remember that conversation we had the other week?” And of course Luke remembered, he simply nodded with wide eyes and a hopeful expression trying to fight its way on to his face. “Wanna give it another shot?”
“The conversation or the relationship?” Luke's voice was quieter than Michael's now as the speed of his heart picked up and he stared directly in to Michael's eyes when the boy grinned.
“The relationship.”
“I – are you serious?” Luke asked, and Michael was a little startled to see his eyes water. “I -” he turned to the camera and to the other two boys before smacking Michael's knee and hissing, “You have the worst timing, I can't kiss you right now.”
Michael smirked, slouching in his seat for another few moments before standing up slowly and making his way to the kitchen as casually as he could. He could see Luke's smile, which the boy was trying to hide behind his hand, before Michael shut the kitchen door and waited on top of the kitchen counter, swinging his legs back and forth.
Only a few moments later it opened and Luke snuck inside, his smile was nervous but it was huge and it made Michael's heart flip a little as Luke edged nearer until he was between Michael's legs. “So, you really want to?” Luke asked, biting down on his thumb nail.
Michael nodded, he had never been more sure about anything. “Definitely.” He nudged Luke's shoulder with a smile, “I guess I was mostly scared I wouldn't be able to trust you again but I don't think I'll ever be able to not trust you.”
Luke grinned, burying his head in to Michael's neck. “I'm still so sorry I messed everything up.”
“You didn't.” Michael murmured, wrapping his arms around Luke's shoulders. “You were scared, I get it.”
“Yeah but I hurt you in the process and I shouldn't have. I should have thought things through better.” Luke frowned and Michael leant forward, pressing a soft kiss against the boys pout. He could hear the sharp intake of breath and it made Michael giggle.
“Next time you're scared, just tell me about it.” Michael smiled. “I'm never going to leave you and I never want to live without you, realize that?”
“I do, I have.” Luke sighed, “I'm sorry it took until you changing your hair for me to say anything.”
Michael chuckled, “Stop apologizing. It's fine, everything's in the past okay?”
“Okay.” Luke grinned, kissing Michael harder this time. He clutched the fabric of Michael's vest in his hand, pulling him closer and inhaling loudly. They had both missed this, they had both missed being in one anothers arms and feeling safe and warm and comfortable the way they did right now. “I love you.”
“I know.” Michael grinned, “I love you too.”
Luke snorted, “I know.”
Michael shook his head, kissing Luke again. “Stay in my room tonight? I've missed you.”
Luke's smile was pathetic but it, yet again, made Michael's heart skip a beat. Luke nodded, pulling Michael in to a hug that felt as though the blonde boy would never let him go.
Michael wouldn't mind.