Work Text:
Hello. My name is Smarty, but my nickname is John. I am a Derp.
Derp.
Derp.
Derp.
I have friends. I hope. One is a glammy. I love this glammy. I want us to be more than friends.
Derp.
How will I accomplish this, you ask? Well, I will obsessively murder every other person who tries to date my glammy.
Derp.
My friend Chilled does this all the time. So far, he has murdered fifty two of Ze's girlfriends. It has worked each time. ZeRoyalChaos is becoming closer and closer together. One day, it will be a real ship. What I need is for glammy to get girlfriends so I can murder them and then we will one day become a ship.
Derp.
What type of ship, you ask? Well, I believe ZeRoyalChaos is going to become a steam boat. They just have that vibe, you know. Glammy hasn't dated enough girlfriends yet for me to determine what type of ship we'll be, but we will eventually figure it out.
Derp.
I have dated one guy in the past. His name was Tom. Two days after I announced to our friends that we were dating, Tom got into a car accident with a hit and run driver. We never caught him, but from descriptions I have heard, the car was similar to the one glammy owns. I wonder who killed Tom though. I can't imagine why someone would do such a thing.
Derp.
I will love you someday glammy. Wait for me, love. Wait for me.
Derp.