Work Text:
Kate sat at the bar of The Hold Up with a glass of rum and coke. As she drank, the concoction hit her throat with a zing and fire and she flopped back in her chair, since the opening of the bar they had enjoyed a nice stream of regulars from the neighborhood on weeknight but that wasn't the case tonight. It was cloaked in an unsual silence leaving Kate to ruminate in her thoughts in her own world. She knew that she needed to find new outlets to unload the stress that came from living a life as a hero in cape but she continuously returned to the same vice -- drinking. Kate was self-aware about needing to slow down but had no clue about when or if that would happen any time soon especially whe was spiraling, spiraling not quite as furiously as months before when she dealt with the weight of killing a man but spiraling nonetheless. In a way, she'd found a dysfunctional way to adapt to the chaos in her life in and out of the batsuit she was convinced that if Bruce could do it that she could too.
She wondered how he ever functioned with such a complicated personal life. Luke seemed to try to reassure her that "not having the answers is okay" but she wasn't totally sure she believed that anymore. A week ago, Kate was fine with the idea of Julia and Sophie dating but when it seemed to be become more of a reality –Julia reading Sophie’s texts with a smile and dreamy eyes in her presence, namedropping her every other second in conversation with Kate – that is when the jealousy began to set in. She felt a trace of guilt for being of two minds, part of her hoped for Sophie’s sake they were happy but there was a tiny burning flame of resentment in her chest that lingered at the thought of Julia and Sophie being an actual couple. Her pride hated to admit that she was bothered, however, her heart never ceased to constantly remind her that she was still holding on to unwavering feelings for Sophie. Kate was bristling at the persistent flash of Sophie and Julia kissing at The Crows Headquarters which became something of an obsessive reiteration in her mind. Kate felt a grudge beginning to mount and her new thing had become finding sudden and ridiculous excuses not to work shoulder to shoulder with Julia as Batwoman in the Batcave. Avoiding Julia may not have been a failproof solution but she found it was a more mature approach than embracing passive aggressiveness that was was beginning to swell in her interactions with Julia.
In the middle of her sulking she heard “Are you okay?” from a voice directly behind her.
She looked around and was surprised see it was Sophie. She was outside of her work uniform and very casual in jeans and a t-shirt and jean jacket; always beautiful, breathtakingly so, a fact she was sure to remind Sophie of every morning when they were together at Point Rock.
“Sneaking up on me?” Kate arched a brow instead of answering the question. She brought her drink back to her lips and finished it casually.
“Mary told me you’ve been really down.” Sophie said
Kate thought maybe she detected a hint of concern in her voice, she stood up and turned to face Sophie.
“No Julia?” Kate asked impishly. Her mouth twisted into a tight smirk.
“Just me. Sorry to disappoint” Sophie's arms were crossed and her stare was very serious despite Kate trying find a shred of humor in the uncomfortable situation.
“I’m fine.” Kate answered with a shrug of her shoulders, easy, and unbothered or at least she tried to appear that way. “You don’t have to check in on me.”
Kate wanted to assure Sophie that it was unnecessary but she knew for Sophie her concern was genuine concern about her wellbeing because that's the type of person Sophie was and the exact reason Kate fell for her in the first place.
“I know." Sophie nodded. "I can’t help that I worry about you.” Sophie's gentle words came with a warm gaze fixed on Kate like she had more to say but she was already turning around to leave. “I'm glad you’re okay.” She said before she opened the door to leave.
A weakly spoken “Thank you.” was Kate’s automatic response.
Kate paused for a moment holding onto the bar with her eyes shut tightly, it struck her that she probably came off like a callous jerk -- Kate began hurriedly walking for the door wondering if she should go after her remembering when Parker told her she should fight harder. Kate looked around for Sophie outside the entrance of the bar but was gone -- not a trace of her in sight.
Every exchange with Sophie was beginning to feel the same, heavy and tense - a lot of waiting and pausing like Sophie was expecting her to pour her heart out but Kate couldn't bring herself to fill those empty pauses. She knew everything she should tell Sophie that she still cared about her and never stopped loving her but it was never that simple. Their lives were very different than what they had been at Point Rock and in her mind she’d convince herself that if it was meant to be it would be. Sophie had just recently come out to her mother and was being open about her sexuality she didn't want to complicate Sophie's journey -- so Kate chose to be hands off. To add to the list of obstacles, she was Batwoman, much of her life was consumed by her alter-ego and admittedly Kate had not yet discovered how to navigate having a personal life and crime fighting; maybe once she figured it out she'd try to find the words to fill the empty silence that hung in the air between her and Sophie.
Kate walked back into The Hold Up and glanced at her glass of melted ice -- the imagery alone seemed to be enough of a sign that her night was finished. She reached for her jacket to leave. Mary was right. She was down and at that point no amount of drinking would make her feel better.