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"I know you're there." Ciel whispers, resting close to the transerver. Sea-foam green lightens the dark room, hiding the fatigue underneath azure eyes. Rouge went to take a recharge, leaving the female on standby.
"..." Ciel wouldn't dare shut down the systems, not when Dr. Weil is making a move. Not when they have yet to achieve complete safety.
The blue cyber-elf moves his legs to and fro, perched at the edge of the transerver's control panel.
"I know you are." Ciel repeats, but she remains sitting on the floor. She hugged her legs close to her chest, waiting for Zero to return. After Hirondelle taught Zero to alter the weather, the crimson reploid immediately went to stop a city's infected security system.
"I..." Ciel isn't sure what to say. The human would rather prefer being alone to speak out her thoughts than admit the past ruler of Neo Arcadia is listening somewhere within the trailer. She certainly isn't crazy nor is she lonely. She has the Resistance to take care of. She has Area Zero to negotiate with. Ciel simply needs... An outlet. A vent without any repercussions.
"I need help." Ciel confesses her concern. For the past few weeks, the scientist doesn't feel like herself. She feels like being outside the bubble, directing and assisting reploids and humans on the sideline. Humans treat her differently. Reploids treat her differently and then there's Zero...
... Raising his hand to the side of his face, the apparition propped his elbow on his lap and leaned forward to listen.
"I know it's selfish." Ciel believes she is. To realize her needs are being undermined due to the present. The solution is obtainable, but inadvisable. Ciel doesn't have time to relax. She doesn't have time to stop and let others take care of the situation but her body needs to rest... Her mortal vessel craves it so badly that the mere thought of artificial security eases the stress on her shoulders.
"But I think... I still want to pursue that feeling." Ciel's guilty pleasure would certainly be entrusting the work to someone reliable. Someone older, someone with more experience and clearly someone she trusts. Ciel needed someone to lean on as she takes a breath of life...
- That entity being Zero. From admiration to appreciation to something more, Ciel could barely register the words in her heart. The crimson reploid's actions have bled through her heartstrings, overflowing her mind with nonsensical possibilities. Zero was the ideal soldier, but Ciel encountered those fleeting moments under the stoic persona.
"To love... To be with Zero." Ciel finalizes. She isn't sure if those words fit the feelings swirling within her chest. She thought the feelings would've dissipated once she learned the old records of Zero, but it hasn't. It merely delayed the admission. She didn't want the relationship between Zero and her to fall apart because of these troublesome feelings so she lived through the days.
? The program tilts his head, peering at the human in wonder.
"I know it's impossible..." Ciel knows she won't be able to offer everything to Zero. Zero who sacrificed so much for those he believed in. He deserved someone better than her. Someone who can live longer than the human lifespan. Someone who wouldn't leave him due to natural causes.
However, a part of her wanted him to stay by her side. She wanted Zero to see the future he built. She wanted Zero to appreciate and live in the future they all worked hard on. She wanted...
"...And I know I should say it..." Ciel heaves yet smiles at the memories of a familiar blue guardian. The same cyber-elf who nudged her to speak her mind and act against authority. The same AI who helped her set the Resistance base from scratch with documents sent to her workplace. The same entity who acted more like a parental figure than her biological and political parents.
"But..." Ciel always found obstacles, always found herself hesitating. She wants to determine the nature of her feelings. To love and be loved is not something learned from the laboratories. Spending most of her life in the lab, would she fulfill the qualifications of a loving relationship? What exactly is a relationship of love? In spite of her self-inquiries, Ciel is absolutely positive that what she feels for Zero is that of love. This unknown feeling from the heart.
"Does he feel the same?" Ciel voices the primary concern, afraid of one-sided reciprocation. She knows her feelings are consistent, progressive in nature. Zero, however, is a different case. He doesn't act like the other reploids, doesn't think like the other reploids. Zero is unique.
?! The AI partially opens his mouth, forming a small o.
"I don't want to risk it..." Ciel removes her grip, carefully sliding her legs towards the floor. Zero is more than a hero to her. Zero is more than what majority consider as a Legendary reploid. He's a wonderful friend, a patient listener and a blunt voice of reason.
"But what if he disappears again?" Ciel sighs. She cannot forget the time Zero cut his connections after abdicating Copy X from his throne. She almost assumed Zero died after the explosion if not for the reassurance of her deceased parental figure.
'Zero's alive. Have faith in Zero.' The words from the transparent archetype of the reploid race always felt therapeutic. His words are like a soft lullaby, tranquilizing the irrational part of her conscience. 'He'll come back. He always does.'
"And what if I lose the opportunity to tell him...?" Ciel wants to have faith in herself. She's usually an optimistic person. A blessing and a curse by itself.
A huge part of her imagines a future where she and Zero equally love each other. Days where they get to indulge in the silence of winter, take in the majestic scene of Autumn, hang out in the beach during the Summer and enjoy the sight of Spring. A future where they're together with their futures entwined.
But a small part of her had a more rational way of exploring the outcome. A future where needs are not met. A future of alienation and tension. A future where Zero does not reciprocate the same emotions she hold for him. The fear of rejection. The fear of loss.
𝅘𝅥𝅮 The ghost got off his position, his boots pixellate as it touches the ground.
"I'm still surprised Zero decided to stay with us." Ciel rests her body onto the cold floor. Even though it was her decision to have the entire Resistance vacate the past base and onto the trailer, Ciel hesitates to confess. She rather cherish the moments she has with him than loss this fluttering warmth in her chest. She's fine with the current situation. She'll repeat this for as long as she can.
Maybe she'll be able to convince her heart if she keeps saying so.
"In fact, he's finally accepted his situation." Ciel acts as if he's entered the room. To update her self-appointed guardian angel on her current emotional and mental condition. He never questioned why Zero's part of her entry, always so understanding to the people around him.
"Zero's talking more with more expression. He's even spending time with the others instead of polishing his weapons or exploring the vicinity solo." Ciel can vividly remember Zero's smile after defeating Omega. She doesn't know what happened post-battle, but she does know that the Mother Elf has been purified. She was slightly shock to see the cyber-elf transporting Zero back to base, but she recognized her guardian floating right beside her. A faint disparity in reality, but Ciel knows only one program who could do such a deed.
"He misses you though..." Ciel wiggles her fingers, staring at her fingertips. An unknown feeling bubbles every time Zero stops to recall her self-appointed father. Zero moved on from everything and everyone, but one entity - An entity Ciel could never hate or forget as well.
"I... Envy that." Ciel frowns. It's these moments Ciel recognized how her feelings never went away. Every time she listens to Zero talk about him, her chest burns in mock pain. Love seems to have went on standby, waiting for an opportunity to strike, and thinks the disappearance of the cyber-elf increased its opportunity to be realized. Ciel hates it. She dislikes the revelation of inexplicitly resenting the best father in the world.
"Your unquestionable bond..." Ciel feels fatigue dragging her consciousness to silence. Her eyelids are betraying her. She misses X, but she can move on from him. Probably. Or maybe the fact her mind considered X a competitor is what made it easier to move on from the AI?
"Sorry..." Ciel knows she has no fault. It's all because of her hormones (blooming from the ripe age of 15 to breaking out on her current 16-year-old age) destroying whatever innocence she once held. She knows she has no time for these things yet... She wants it. She wants to experience the same tender moment those two create back in the old base they left behind. Ciel wants to feel what it's like to be under the shoes of her parent - interlocking fingers with another while walking down the park, sharing tender gazes with unspoken words known only by them and spending the nights watching the stars twinkle above them. Ciel wants to be in a relationship filled with trust and the only person Ciel entrusts her everything would be Zero.
...
"You should've listened to Cerveau..." Rockman X hums, crouching down to watch his child spiral to dreamland. "You're human, Ciel. Humans need their sleep, especially the young ones."
[A soft snore.]
"Ha..." X stands back up to manipulate his area, dragging a blue beanbag towards their area. X starts, aware his words reaches no one. "Don't you know Ciel..?"
"Zero isn't the one who stole my heart..." X lifts the unconscious female with the help of two other cyber-elves.
...
"It was you." X acknowledged. He watched this amazing child grow up, holding her hand when she needed validation and singing her a song during the harshest of sandstorms. Taking care of Ciel is akin to adopting a child. X never spent his full attention in taking care of one individual, usually a group and a pair as a minimum. When he died, X gained more time in his hands. Stumbling across the young Ciel was purely coincidental, but a memorable encounter.
"You are always loved." X fixed her bangs, careful to not wake his ward. Taking care of Ciel is different from his experience in caring for Zero. Ciel was expressive, more fragile and open. Attachment was inevitable. Ciel needed guidance, needed him to fulfill the role of a father. Zero didn't need that from him. Zero was his own person wishing to find meaning in the world like the rest of them. That doesn't mean X undervalues Zero. X treasures Zero given their history, but he would be lying if he'd choose Zero over Ciel.
"Never forget that." X plants a kiss on his child's forehead, moving away from the female. Ciel has a special place in his core. The moments he spent watching her rise from the ranks as a scientist to the days she echoes her fears and remorse on his copy all the way to the present situation where she disclose her envy towards him. X wouldn't trade it for the world.
"Good night Ciel." X bids goodbye, placing a blanket over her. His daughter deserves every good in her life and X will try his best to lead her there.