Chapter Text
The crisp air blows against Jeongguk's face as he watches the subtle movement of the river in front of him. He pauses, stares at the flow of water, as if waiting for something, even though he knows there’s nothing, nothing but the body of water going through its usual course.
He puts his gloved hands in the pockets of his coat for a bit more warmth, then decides to walk on.
He spots a few Christmas trees and decorative lights in the far distance, adding a faint glow to the otherwise almost pitch black side of the park, the side he frequents. Snow piles on the grass, the layers growing thicker the longer he walks. He passes by a few snowmen, abandoned in the dark, left alone standing during the hours of peace and quiet, not another soul in sight.
It’s winter. A season liked for its festivities and commonly a time when friends and families gather. It’s also favored for its weather when compared with its temperature counterpart, summer. But for many, it is also a time of sadness and loneliness.
When the emptiness of the other side of the bed screams louder, because of the lack of another body, partnered with the chilly air the season brings.
When most streets are empty, as most stay in the comfort of their homes, causing an almost eerie silence outdoors.
When the cold consumes bodies completely, up to the tips of each finger, constantly reminding about the lack of warmth, with no hand to hold and no one to embrace.
And that’s exactly what Jeongguk likes about it the most, the solitude. And admittedly, he's started to take a liking to the loneliness, or at least that's what he tells himself.
He walks, away from distant lights, their glow getting dimmer and dimmer. He arrives at his final spot every time he goes to this park. A bench, the only one with a broken lamp post by its side. It belongs to the long line of benches in the area, each with a source of light nearby, except this one.
Jeongguk goes here very often, and for a long time now. He doesn't remember when the lamp stopped working and wonders why no one bothers to fix it, but he also thinks, maybe it's better this way.
Because this way, Jeongguk has a safe place. Here, in the dark.
In the dark, where he can’t be noticed.
In the dark, where he can’t be watched.
In the dark, where his tears can’t be contained.
He takes a seat and his body immediately goes limp. He's tired, just wants to sleep. He'd sleep out here where it's freezing, but he might catch a cold. He honestly doesn't care if he does, but there are people around him who do. They might also ask, 'Where were you? Where have you been?', and he definitely won't tell them about this place. His sacred place.
He sighs and a puff of cold air forms in front of him. He stares at the sky, the moon present in its crescent phase, with countless twinkling stars surrounding it. He catches a glimpse of a shooting star. He doesn't really believe in this stuff but he halfheartedly makes a wish.
And just as the star falls into the darkness, so do his tears.
They warm his face on this cold winter night, his heart envious because it too seeks warmth.
All of a sudden he hears sniffling, but it sounds farther than he expected— because it's not coming from him. He looks around, searching for its source in the darkness but sees nothing.
Until his eyes adjust slightly to the lack of the light and fall on the other side of the bench.
Someone else is there, and that's not supposed to happen.
The stranger doesn't seem to notice Jeongguk as they continue to cry, sobs soft but sounding so loud in the silence of the night. His space feels invaded, his world feels disturbed. It's selfish of him to claim this spot for himself but he doesn't want to lose whatever bit of solace he has left.
He hates that there's another person sitting on the bench, but at the same time he feels relieved. Relieved that he's not crying alone tonight, even though only he's aware that the other is there.
He continues to let the tears fall silently, another person's cries being his background music. Music that's very sorrowful with no consistent beat. Not exactly pleasing to the ears, but it gives him an odd sense of comfort.
A brightness appears in the corner of his eyes. The stranger opened their phone, it looks like they're being called. Jeongguk squints and adjusts his eyes to the brightness, the man's face becoming clearer in his vision.
Puffy eyes, red nose, and a small frown. And at the same time, beautiful eyes, cute nose, and plump lips. He's pretty, Jeongguk thinks, but he doesn't think more of it. Though admittedly, he's sort of curious as to what made him cry and what he's doing here at almost two in the morning, however, he's not really in the mood for conversation. Besides, he doesn't think it's a good idea to suddenly startle someone crying and ask them why they're doing that. He definitely doesn't wanna be asked that, and he went here for the purpose of being alone. He's sure the stranger is also the same.
The said stranger finally slides the green button and puts his phone on his ear. "Hello?" He says softly, the nasal tone noticeable, mixed with the sweetness of his voice.
"I'm okay. I just went out for a walk. Don't worry, I'll come back soon. I didn't go too far. Yes, I have my jacket with me. I know, I know." Hints of frustration are laced in his tone, then he lets out a sigh.
"Yeah, I'm sorry. I know you're just looking out for me. I told you I'll be back real soon, okay? Love you too." He hangs up and their surroundings go back to darkness. He rests his head onto the back of the bench then mutters something Jeongguk couldn't make out. Despite his words, the stranger stays, sitting still with his head leaning on the backrest of the bench.
Ping.
The sudden sound of a text startles the both of them, because this time it's not coming from the stranger's phone, it sounds closer— it's from Jeongguk's. Oh shit . The stranger quickly grabs his phone, shines a light around and eventually stays pointed at Jeongguk, who covers his eyes due the sudden brightness.
"W-What— Who...?" He questions, confused and surprised by the presence of another person.
Jeongguk sighs and faces him, the light showing his own puffy eyes and red nose. "Sorry, Uh... Hi?" Jeongguk utters awkwardly, nasal tone also noticeable in his voice. Agh, who texted me at this hour ? He asks himself but doesn't check his phone yet, opting to explain to the stranger because he doesn't want to get into any sort of trouble.
"I've been sitting here for a while now and didn't notice when you arrived, I just suddenly heard you, uh, you know, yeah... You didn't seem to notice me the whole time and I didn't really think I had to catch your attention since I didn't want to disturb."
The stranger mutters a quiet 'Oh' and slowly puts his phone down, the light not directly shining at Jeongguk anymore but still makes his face visible. "I'm sorry... I didn't think anyone would be here."
"I thought so too, though more of, I knew that. No one ever comes here at this time so I was surprised when I heard you." He couldn't help the slightly irritated tone in his voice since he wasn't fully comfortable with someone else in his space, but he couldn't help but also feel bad for the stranger. "But it's... it's okay. We all need our space sometimes." Jeongguk reassures him. He's annoyed but at least it wasn't one of his worst nights.
The stranger stays silent, probably feeling awkward as well, then stands up. "I'll... leave you alone now. Sorry, I'll be more careful next time." He says apologetically then walks away, his back getting smaller and smaller in Jeongguk's sight. He sighs, finally alone, then grabs his phone to check who made his presence known.
> Congratulations! You have been selected to win 1 MILLION WON! To claim your prize, text back with your name, address, bank account details and...
Jeongguk grips his phone tightly then quickly blocks the number that texted him. Stupid spam texts ... He puts his phone back in his pocket then stares at the sky.
It suddenly feels colder.
The loud ringing of his phone startles Jeongguk awake. The sun shines high in the sky and the clouds around it are white as snow.
[ 8 missed calls ]
His phone rings again but this time he picks up.
"Jeongguk-ah?! Where are you?"
"Ah, hyung..." He responds, his voice slightly hoarse and more nasal than the previous night. "I, uhm, went out for a morning walk."
"Morning walk...? You usually don't wake up till noon."
"Well, I," He quickly comes up with an excuse. "I suddenly woke up early today and felt like walking." Jeongguk chuckles awkwardly, hoping his hyung would just drop the subject.
He hears a sigh from the other end of the line. "Okay, hurry up. Yoongi and I are in front of your apartment and we're shivering here."
"Huh? Why are you two there?"
"We wanted to bother you." He hears a laugh from the other end.
"Just say you missed me, hyung." Jeongguk jokes with a tiny smile on his face.
"Yeah, I do miss my cheeky dongsaeng." Jeongguk lets out a laugh at that. "But just in case you forgot, you're going out for lunch with Yoongi today, so we went here to wake you up."
Ah . Jeongguk checks his phone.
[ 8:54 am ]
[ December 30 ]
"Oh, right, yeah I forgot... I'll walk back, I'm not too far." He stands up and starts going to the direction of his apartment.
"Your favorite hyung even brought you breakfast, you better be thankful!"
"Tell Yoongi-hyung thanks."
"Yah! You brat!"
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding, thanks Seokjin-hyung. See you." Jeongguk smiles a bit as he drops the call. His nose suddenly feels itchy so he stops in his tracks. Oh no . He lets out a sneeze, his nostrils feeling so clogged. Ugh... I'm in trouble.
"It's just a little cold." Jeongguk sniffles.
"You know how your cold can turn into a fever real quick. You're lucky I brought some of my special miso soup. Now, eat up." Seokjin hands Jeongguk a set of utensils. On the table are a bowl of rice topped with pieces of chicken, a smaller bowl of miso soup, kimchi on the side, and a glass of water.
"How long were you outside? What are you even wearing? No wonder you got a cold." Seokjin frowns as he nags him.
"I'm sorry, hyung..." Jeongguk hates this. He hates how they treat him like a child, like he can't take care of himself. He knows they're only worried about him but he can't help but feel like he's being babied and that rubs him the wrong way. At the same time, he can't really fault them for that. He's admittedly not the best at taking care of himself.
"Do you still have medicine?" Seokjin says as he looks through Jeongguk's medicine drawers.
"I think I might've ran out already."
"I'll go out and buy some then." Seokjin stands up and slips on his jacket. "Do you two want anything?"
"I'm good." Jeongguk says as he takes a spoonful of rice.
"If the lines aren't long, buy me coffee? The usual Iced Americano." Yoongi speaks up.
"You just had coffee this morning."
"And?" Yoongi laughs and so does Seokjin. "Thanks."
"I'll be back." Seokjin says as he goes out and closes the door, leaving the two alone.
"So..." Yoongi starts and Jeongguk doesn't like the sound of that.
"Were you really just taking a morning walk?"
"Y-Yes? What else would I be doing, hyung..."
Yoongi looks at him with an unreadable expression. Jeongguk hates this too. How Yoongi seems to know when something is off, he can sense when he's lying. But thankfully, he usually doesn't push, he doesn't pry. He only keeps asking when Jeongguk starts to cry, but even then he asks if it's okay.
"Right... We're just worried about you, okay? I know you can take care of yourself but I also know that things can get really bad. Especially since..." He mutters the last part and doesn't continue it.
"I know." Jeongguk gently lays his chopsticks down. "I do get irritated at times honestly, but I get it. I'm thankful to have you hyungs." He flashes him a smile and Yoongi returns it.
"I'm okay, don't worry about me." He lies with ease.
The two spend the rest of the time in silence, the only sounds heard are Jeongguk's utensils hitting against the bowls and Yoongi faintly tapping his fingers on his phone.
The click of the door turns their attention towards the entrance of Jeongguk's apartment. Seokjin comes back with a small plastic bag and some coffee in his hands. "I'm back." He removes and hangs his jacket then approaches Yoongi.
"Thanks, hyung." Yoongi takes the Iced Americano from Seokjin who goes and prepares Jeongguk's medicine.
"Hyung, I can do it myself." Jeongguk is about to stand up before a sneeze interrupts him.
"It's okay. Stay put and keep eating, Jeongguk-ah. I come here to take care of you." Seokjin shoots him a smile but Jeongguk only pouts.
"Yeah, but—" Jeongguk stops and sighs, he decides it's no use trying to convince him. "Yoongi-hyung, where are we eating later?" He turns to Yoongi while returning to his food.
"There's this restaurant that just opened last month and I heard it's good, lines could get long." Yoongi quickly taps on his phone and shows the screen to Jeongguk, it displays information about the said restaurant. "My co-workers who went there said they have great lamb skewers too."
"I wanna go too." Seokjin whines as he approaches and places Jeongguk's medicine on the table. "But I have a shift I need to fill in at the last minute."
"We could always go for dinner, you know."
"I told you I have a date later."
"Bros before hoes really has lost its meaning already, huh." Jeongguk drinks his medicine with a disappointed look on his face.
"Prepare some space for me, Jeongguk-ah. He might kick me out of our apartment next week." Yoongi pretends to be dejected as he sips on his coffee.
"I got your back, Yoongi-hyung." The two tightly hold hands and nod at each other.
Seokjin rolls his eyes playfully. "You guys are being dramatic. You both know very well how I'll cancel anything for you." He pouts and gives their shoulders a punch. "It's his birthday and I can't not take him on a date."
"We know." Yoongi and Jeongguk say in unison then laugh.
"You're both annoying."
"You love us."
"Unfortunately." They all laugh together before Seokjin stands up. "Anyway, I gotta go. I promise I'll treat you two to lunch or dinner soon." He grabs his jacket and puts it on.
"Good luck at work, hyung."
"Thanks. Have fun you two." Seokjin shoots them a smile and receives two smiles back.
"Have fun at your date later too."
Seokjin waves at them before walking out of the door. Jeongguk and Yoongi continue to talk as they're left alone again, mostly browsing through the restaurant's menu and deciding on what to order later.
"I'll wash your dishes, go take a shower." Yoongi rolls up his sleeves.
"I can't convince you to leave that to me, can't I?"
"Nope." Yoongi answers immediately. "Besides, we should get there as soon as possible, we might get held up in the line."
"Alright, thanks hyung." They smile at each other before Jeongguk enters the shower and Yoongi starts with the dishes.
Jeongguk and Yoongi stand in line for the restaurant. There were only a few people ahead of them when they arrived but the more they waited, the faster the line behind them grew.
"Wow, this place does look popular." Jeongguk turns around and tries to find the end of the line, but it's not in sight. "There's so many people already." He says in awe then starts jogging in place, clearly excited and bringing a fond smile to Yoongi's face.
Yoongi follows suit and looks for the distant end of the line. "If we came a minute later, we'd be so far already."
"We would've starved." Jeongguk lightly pats his stomach.
"You just ate the food Seokjin-hyung brought you an hour ago." Yoongi furrows his eyebrows. "Your stomach is literally a black hole." Jeongguk grins proudly while Yoongi starts to imagine him devouring heaps of food, a small frown on his face.
"Next please!" A waitress calls out, catching their attention. "For how many people?"
"Two please." Jeongguk walks with a little skip in his steps, Yoongi following close behind him as they are led to their table. They sit down and are handed the menus.
"Hyung, it smells so good in here. My mouth's watering." He takes a quick look around the restaurant, all tables are completely filled and different kinds of meat are being grilled, the sound of sizzling travels through the place and the salty and juicy smells reach their nostrils.
"Do you wanna add anything?" Yoongi asks as he opens his phone, displaying the notes app with a list of their orders that they decided at Jeongguk's apartment. Jeongguk skims through the menu before shaking his head. "I think we're good."
Yoongi calls for a waiter and Jeongguk fills both their glasses with water. He proceeds to sit there and watch as Yoongi relays their orders, then eventually stares off into space.
But then his vision focuses back into reality, his eyes suddenly catching onto something, or rather, someone. Looking past Yoongi, two tables away, Jeongguk sees the set of eyes, nose, and lips that are still somewhat fresh in his memory, except they're different, but it's definitely the same stranger he saw the night before.
His lips are still as plump as Jeongguk remembers but its shape is in a smile and occasionally a grin as the familiar figure laughs. It reaches his eyes, causing them to close, but when they're open, they glisten under the light. Not even a faint blush of red is on his nose like last night, its color matching with his complexion today as it scrunches cutely every now and then.
Jeongguk remembers thinking he was pretty last night, but now he thinks he's even prettier in daylight.
He watches the man brush back his blond bangs as he continues talking with the person he's with. The two of them sit very closely, comfortable touches here and there, and Jeongguk wonders if they're boyfriends and if they are, how could he let him cry alone at two in the morning outside in the cold? He thinks about it again, it's not really any of his business, but curiosity makes him ponder.
A palm unexpectedly enters his sight, causing him to blink and snap out of it. "Jeongguk-ah? Are you okay?" Yoongi asks him, waving his hand in front of him.
He takes a second to respond and looks at Yoongi's worried eyes. "Oh, yeah. I'm okay." He answers a bit absentmindedly as he takes a sip of water.
"I called you like three times but you kept staring."
"Sorry, I'm just," Jeongguk rubs the back of his neck. "Still a little sleepy." He smiles at him sheepishly.
"You did say you woke up earlier today." Yoongi lets out a sigh, believing in Jeongguk's excuse. They have a casual conversation while waiting for their food, Jeongguk's eyes can't help but sometimes wander around the stranger's general direction.
A waiter eventually arrives at their table with a smile on his face and plates of meat in hand. "Here are your orders." He lists the different dishes as he places them down on their table. Jeongguk slightly drools and his attention fully turns to the grill as he and Yoongi start cooking, the smell now stronger as the meat is directly in front of them. They stuff themselves with food, mouth busy chewing and swallowing, leaving no room for conversation, completely concentrated on sating their hunger.
Jeongguk doesn't notice the pair of eyes that end up landing on him.
Jeonguk spends the rest of the day enjoying with Yoongi, draining his wallet on food while receiving faces of disapproval from the older but fond smiles when he thought he wasn't looking. They end their day by dropping by Seokjin's workplace to bother him, then going their separate ways as Yoongi had work to do and their eldest hyung had a date, leaving Jeongguk alone.
The sun starts to set as Jeongguk walks along the river, going in the same direction it flows. It's a nice time in the evening for a stroll so there are other people in the park, some are doing the same as Jeongguk, others are heading in the opposite direction, some are riding their bikes, while others are sitting down and appreciating the view. There are couples, holding hands and keeping each other warm, there are kids, playing in the snow as parents or older siblings watch over them, and there are people like Jeongguk, enjoying their alone time. He really loves spending time with his hyungs, but times like this are also one of his favorites.
It's quiet and he's left with his thoughts, and normally later on, his tears would join in. But he thinks, maybe not today, he had fun today so his mood is good. He even brought his sketchbook, planning to draw whatever he sees and feels like doing.
He takes his time wandering around the park, basking in the cool breeze and going people-watching. It slowly gets darker, the sun eventually setting, giving the moon its time to shine. At the same time, people slowly leave, the park becoming emptier, giving Jeongguk, as well as a few others, a stronger sense of solitude.
His feet take him to his usual bench, taking the familiar steps towards its direction. He sees it in the distance, its silhouette visible in the darkness.
But Jeongguk suddenly comes to a halt— because the closer he looks, he notices another silhouette.
Someone else is there, and that's not supposed to happen.
Though for some reason that he can't explain, he keeps walking towards it anyway.