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Hikawa Sayo was never a people pleaser. She never stuck to people, her goal was never to ensure others were happy. She was blunt, work oriented, and strict. She had her goals laid out in a straight line. She knew her end point, her road to perfection smooth and silent. Nothing moved or changed. She was bland and empty, a shell of a human.
Or so she was.
She was Hikawa Sayo, and her road to her goals had changed. From a smooth barren path, it turned into a path with twists and turns. Lined with flowers of many kinds, decorations of all sorts, and constantly moving animals. Things around were constantly changing, yet remaining the same. Unlike the originally barren path, This one held warmth.
Sayo was aware of them, she could see them, she could feel their looks on her. Her old band mates, ones that were never meant for her. They were too immature, too different from her. They had a new guitarist, one that was clearly very different from her. They were right there, and she knew they had noticed her.
She had walked into the dressing room, the one that already housed two other bands. Only one band was physically present, while the second band had their belongings in the changing room. She was the first of Roselia to arrive, and the only Roselia member currently in there. She could feel her heart drop at the clear awkwardness of the situation, seeing her old band in the same confined space. Silently moving across to their empty designated spot, Sayo quickly started getting her things ready. Clearly she had to wait for the rest of Roselia to arrive, but in the meantime she busied herself with getting into her stage outfit.
"She's still by herself, huh?"
Though she tried not to show it, Sayo could feel herself freeze at the comment. She didn't let it linger, pretending to focus on her outfit instead. She could hear it, she knew they were talking. She didn't want to care. She shouldn’t care. Rinko was just running late with Ako. Yukina just had to pick something up. Lisa had to grab something as well. She was not alone, they would have arrived together, the situaition just did not allow it. She was not alone, they were wrong.
"She's never gonna be part of something, truly. She's forever on the outside of the inside."
Sayo swallowed. She didn't know whether to be upset about the lack of knowledge the girls have, or to allow herself to fall back into her state of self loathe. Gripping her outfit, she focused on one part, obsessing over a tiny ribbon. She took her time to slowly smooth it out and tie it properly, taking her own sweet time to keep her focus on something. They were still murmuring, talking, and Sayo knew. They still had about an hour before the concert, there was no rush at all. Everyone was just early, the usual behavior of the girl bands of the area. She heard the door to the dressing room open and looked up, only to see her own band mate. Their eyes met as the other made her way over to Sayo, just as silent as she was.
"Of course, she's in a band with the most no nonsense people. I doubt she even has a relationship with them other than being band mates."
Turning her focus back to her own clothes, Sayo continued dressing herself, briefly looking up to greet Yukina. A slight nod and passing of some items, and the two fell back into silence. To others, it may seem like an empty relationship. Just two band mates who could not possibly care less about each other than they already do. No conversation, no sense of warmth, just emptiness. Yet those who knew would have felt the warmth. The true warmth of the silence, the true happiness and welcoming that silence carried. Their comfort in silence, their own form of care and love.
Sayo had to let out a sigh as once again Yukina had trouble with her own outfit. Standing up, she made her way over to the silver hair girl and helped her out. No words needed, just silence. It certainly was strange. Who could enjoy such silence? Sayo tried to pay her old band’s horrible attempt at whispering no mind, only to hear more chattering from outside the changing room. Looking up, she saw the door open and members of the third band file in. She could see the girls on the other side look up as well, their whispering ceasing for a moment before either started up again.
"Ugh how awkward, we have to share a room with Roselia. They're so serious."
Sayo could only give a look to Yukina, both of them still remaining silent. It was silence that was broken barely a second later, by a chirpy brunette.
"Yukina-senpai! Sayo-senpai!"
Sayo could feel the shock radiating from her old band mates. Their gasps and loud whispers traveled through the room to meet Sayo’s ears. Who would have thought, Sayo would associate herself with people like PoPiPa? PoPiPa did not seem like the serious or strict people Sayo would seem to associate with. Sayo paid their whispering as little attention as possible, instead turning to greet her schoolmates.
"Toyama-san." Sayo greeted, with a nod and a slight smile on her face. “Ichigaya-san.” She vaguely notices the other three PoPiPa girls at their own designated spots, them preparing their own things. “Nice to see you all. I take that our after party with the other bands is still on?” Sayo asks politely, making small talk. She gives a slight nod as she receives the cheerful answer, and the confirmation of details. She turns her own attention back to her own outfit as both of her juniors head over to their own band mates as she fixates on tiny things. Straightening her ribbon, straightening a ruffle, adjusting her sleeve. Of course the regained silence was short lived as the door opened again, and the three missing members filed in. Not unwelcomed, it was just a change of pace.
“Yuuuuuukina!” Lisa’s chirpy voice floated through the air as she walked over with her things. Draping herself over Yukina’s shoulders, Lisa tightly hugs Yukina before looking over to Sayo and giving a hug as well. “A-ah Hikawa-san, Minato-san…” Rinko softly says as she and Ako join the trio. Sayo returns Rinko’s small shaky smile with a light smile and nod of her own, a greeting all too familiar amongst the few bands she associates with. Beside her, Ako cheerfully bounces, giving a quick greeting before going over to greet the PoPiPa girls. They fall into their typical pre-show routine easily. Get dressed, check, fix up. Besides the small adjustments of positioning, there was not much to do and pretty soon, they just ended up talking about random things.
Yet Sayo could hear the whispers, the doubt of who she was now. it did feed her doubts about herself, as much as she did not try to show it. Perhaps a year ago she would have trapped herself, falling into her whole sense of self loath and comparison. She would have buried herself in practice, regardless of her health. Yet right now, being able to consciously realise how different her actions would have been seemed weird.
She was different, she was not the Hikawa Sayo of the past. She had learnt and grown, changed for the better, and gone way past her wildest imaginations.
She knew her old band mates. While passionate, Sayo was never one of them. Sayo would have eventually left their band, but what fueled her dislike of them was their immaturity. And it seems like this whole time they had not changed.
Sighing, she took out her guitar and started tuning it, making sure things were perfect for their performance. Making sure she had extra picks in case any of them break mid performance, Sayo was finally satisfied. Placing her guitar by the side, she took out her own tablet and headed over to Arisa. "So we have a few dates for the collaborated self sponsored live, as well as the schedules. I'll send them to you and we can get together with the other bands later to finalise the details." Sayo calmly said, her own voice steady. Her senses were flooded with the cheerful atmosphere of the room, the happy chattering, the relaxed discussions and the carefree fooling around.
She would be lying if she said she did not care about her old band. While their comments did hurt her slightly, she was really enjoying their surprise. She had outgrown people's expectations, and it was nice. She definitely did feel a little happy about it, and she wouldn't lie to herself.
She knew they were surprised by her actions. When she was with them she was far from relaxed, far from who she was now. She could even make a list of the differences herself, no need for someone to point them out.
After all this time, she suddenly comes into contact with her old band. And by extent she is again reminded of their expectations, what they expect, versus the truth, the real reality, the facts that probably never crossed their mind.
Yet she knows.
She was Hikawa Sayo, guitarist of Roselia.
She was no longer the past Hikawa Sayo.
And nothing could change the facts.