Chapter Text
“Hello and welcome. My name is Joseph Desaulnier and I am going to be your host for this lovely event. We are coming to you live from the Oletus Manor and by extension, the surrounding area. We are so glad that you have chosen to tune into the newest production here at Oletus, Total Drama Manor.
“By this time, you probably know the drill, but allow me to take your hand and clear up any future confusion. Today we are to be joined by twenty-two starry-eyed individuals coming to spend time here with us in order to win a grand surprise. They will be competing with, and against their fellow residents here at the manor. At the end of the day, it will not be I will not be the one to cast judgment on who leaves the manor, and their chance at greatness. After each gauntlet of challenges thrown to be conquered by our lovely competitors, one team will win a reward, and the other will have to make a hard decision: which of their friends they wish to cast from their pursuit for victory.
“This purging of team members will be a ritual ceremony held within the manor over a quaint team dinner. Each wonderful competitor will receive a cloche plate with their meal inside, except for the appointed disappointment who will be asked to leave the manor by means of The Rocket Chair of Losers. The end of their strife will be marked by one glorious champion emerging with the laurels of fame, pride, and a prize tailored just for them! All of this will be captured by one of the many cameras that I have placed within the manor grounds, for your viewing pleasure. Once again, I must thank you for watching our humble production of Total Drama Manor.”
The tall trees surrounding the manor swayed in the slight breeze. Within the open iron gates stood Joseph, the blonde host. He looked down the pathway which had been lined with antique lanterns. He looked behind him at a small holding pond within the gates of the manor and gave a small smile before looking back towards the path where he could see the first of the parade of incoming carriages.
“They are on their way,” he hummed while making sure he was standing up straight and brushing off his rich blue coat. The carriage arrived within no time at all, and the first competitor stepped out, his black polished dress shoes kicking up a small cloud of dust.
“Well, if it isn’t Aesop!” Joseph exclaimed, giving a small and courteous bow. “So very glad to have you join us.” Aesop looked to him with his usual, cold eyes. “Truly so very glad!”
“Yes…” Aesop mumbled, now looking around at the surrounding area. “It’s nice to be here.”
“Well, if you wouldn’t mind stepping towards the manor, it looks like another guest will be arriving within no time at all,” he replied with a small smile and a sweeping gesture back towards the manor. The embalmer gave a small nod and adjusted his coffin-shaped backpack before grabbing his makeup case and walking to where he was designated. The next carriage arrived with an abrupt halt, the door swinging open quickly.
“Hey hey! What’s up?” a man’s voice rang out as he quickly hopped out.
“William, well it’s wonderful to see you! Your travel went well, I hope?”
“Yeah, just fine, thanks!” he said walking over to Joseph. “So where’s everyone else?”
“On their way--” Joseph started before another carriage pulled in.
“Thank you!” the man on the carriage called back as he exited.
“William, this is José. José, William,” Joseph said with a small bow. The two exchanged fist-bumps and made their way towards Aesop while joking amongst each other. A small smile graced Joseph's face as he watched them. Yet another carriage pulled up to the welcoming party. Out stepped a woman adorned in an old-fashioned nurse outfit.
“Emily! So glad that you have made it!” Joseph said.
“Glad to have made it, how are you?” she replied.
“Quite well, quite well,” he responded cordially. He then motioned to the others. “If you wouldn’t mind stepping over there for a moment?”
“Not at all!” she said with a smile and a small wave as she walked past him.
“Hey!” William called out with a laugh, catching everyone’s attention. Both José and himself were pointing at the carriage pulling up to the manor. It seemed to have someone standing on top of it. “Look at that!”
“Stunning!” José yelled out with a small chuckle. He cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted out to the new arrival. “That’s one hell of an entrance!” His comment was met with a thumbs up by the eccentric competitor, who vaulted off of the carriage roof with an aerial flip.
“Joseph,” Aesop spoke up. “Is that even allowed?”
“I suppose it is now,” he replied with a light laugh. “Hardly safe, but what can we do about that hereafter the fact, yes? Hello Mike! Thank you for the show!”
“Oh!” The acrobat clad in his colorful leotard turned from receiving the cheers of the entertained men. “Yes! Of course! Joseph, right? Thank you for the opportunity, huh?”
“Get your ass over here!” William called, his words rich with his grin. “You need to tell us how you did that!” Joseph shooed the performer towards them and Mike bowed with a grin before hopping over to the two. Their clamour was covered by the sound of hooves and carriage wheels. A young lady stepped out of the carriage and adjusted her slouched hat, she gave a small wave as the carriage drove off.
“Hello!” she said as she walked up. “Joseph?”
“Yes, that would be me. We are glad to have you join us today Martha. I hope the ride wasn’t too long for you?”
“Oh, not in the slightest! I meant to ask on my application, but there wasn’t a good spot to ask,” she said while digging in a brown leather duffle bag as Joseph looked on in confusion. She pulled out a small pistol and showed it to him. “I brought this along with me, that’s not going to be a problem, will it?”
“I-Is it real?” Joseph said, stepping back slightly, looking back towards the manor and the other competitors.
“Well, yeah, it’s not loaded right now though,” she said while turning it over. “O-oh! It’s just a flare gun, it’s real but it’s not carrying bullets!”
“Well,” Joseph said, punctuating the moment with a small relieved sigh. “I suppose if it is only a flare gun. Where would you put it if I didn’t let you have it, right?” She smiled and put it away and walked over to join the rest. Joseph looked to the carriage arriving, hoping that whoever was inside wouldn’t give him as big of a fright as a gun being pulled on him. His wishes were prematurely ended as a man launched himself from the window of the moving coach.
“YEEHAW,” was all that needed to be said.
“Kevin!” Joseph said with exasperation flooding his voice. He had forgotten that so many of the applicants had been rather eccentric, but he reminded himself that was what made for a good show.
“Just how many people are going to be jumping from or out of carriages, exactly?” Aesop asked both in jest and seriousness.
“I don’t know Aesop,” Joseph replied, “I’m hoping the number stays at two.”
“I doubt it will,” he replied, the smirk behind his mask exposing itself through the jeering words.
“Well, I- we, loved it,” José said stepping forward.
“The form was interesting, but I assume that’s what you were aiming for?” Mike called out, to which Kevin laughed.
“Suppose so! Just was gettin’ impatient, that’s all,” he said while walking over to the group, to which he was received with side-hugs and slaps on the back.
“Wonder who’s going to join us next?” Aesop teased, to which Joseph replied with a wave of a hand. An owl landed atop of his hand while doing so, which caused Aesop to give a small laugh. A man with a blindfold stepped out of the carriage that had arrived during the chaos of the arrival of the cowboy. Joseph continued to hold his hand in midair holding the bird, dumbfounded.
“Brooke Rose,” the man called out as he walked up to the gates, walking past Joseph with not more than a nod of his head. The owl hopping off of Joseph’s perch of a hand and flying to follow him. Many of the competitors stared as he walked to join them, but their conversations resumed quickly after the two got settled.
“Yes, um, thank you for joining us, Eli… and Brooke Rose,” Joseph said wiping his hand off onto his coat. “Whoever could be next?” The next carriage arrived, coming to a halt. A pair of red converse hopped out.
“Um,” he spoke out, with a weak wave, “Hey, um am I at the right place?”
“You are the one called Lucky, right?” Joseph asked, hope filling his voice.
“Yeah, that’s me, probably?”
“Yes, welcome, welcome. Please,” he gestured to the growing group behind him. “Join everyone else, we are so glad to have you.”
“Oh!” a smile spread across Lucky’s bespectacled face. “Thanks, yeah! I’ll go do that!” He said with a wave before jogging to join the others. Joseph looked to the arriving carriage with his usual gusto, his faith in humanity being restored by the single normal interaction. An individual wearing jeans, a striped shirt, and chains exited to the entertainment of a few of the competitors.
“Ah, Luca,” Joseph said with a gentle smile, “Glad to see you, I hope your travel was undisrupted!”
“Yes, it was rather uneventful, thankfully,” he said with a small smile. “Thanks. I’m assuming I join them, then?”
“Right, right” Joseph replied with a nod. Luca made his way towards the group.
“So what’s with the get-up?” Aesop asked.
“Oh,” Luca said with a smirk and pulling at his shirt. “This? I escaped prison.”
“Wait, seriously?” Martha asked, turning her head from her conversation with Emily and Lucky. Luca snorted a little, heading further into the group.
“Sure,” he replied. Eyes then shifted to Joseph.
“Is he lying ?” she asked. Joseph gave a small shrug before turning to the arriving carriage, allowing the competitors to gossip amongst themselves. The next competitor left her carriage--demonic horns were the first thing to grip everyone’s attention, occult symbols adorning her outfit was the next.
“ Hiii! ” she said with a dual-handed wave, dismissing the dark aura that seemed to preemptively surround her.
“Ah, Fiona, glad you could make it, safe travels?” Joseph asked with his usual, soft smile.
“Oh, yeah! It was totally fine, hardly a bump in the road,” she said with a sweet smile. “Is he here?”
“Hm? Oh! Oh, yes, him. Yes, he’s here. He may join us shortly, actually. Hopefully .”
“Oh! Cool!” she said with a wave heading over to the group, a noise that resembled an extended cough, clearing of the throat, or even a growl emitted from her as she entered the group. Luca waved her over, and they got to chatting. The next carriage arrived, the passenger seemed to be sitting with the carriage driver. Joseph squinted at the scene. As they arrived, the man sitting in the passenger’s seat turned to the driver.
“Hey man, I really appreciate it, you know you didn’t have to do that,” he said with a smile, gripping the drivers’ hands which seemed to be holding a small pouch. “Really, I do.”
“Times are hard, I get it. It’s not much, but I hope it helps,” the driver replied.
“I’m sure it will relieve some of the trouble, you really are a light in this dark world,” he replied before taking the pouch and hopping off of the carriage. “Safe travels, thanks for the ride. I won’t forget you!” He gave a wave before the coach drove off.
“Norton,” Joseph said looking over to the man who was pocketing the small wallet. “It looks like you had a good trip in!”
“Oh,” he said looking over still grinning, “Yeah, he’s just the sweetest. You wouldn’t believe it. Some people are just so sweet!”
“Hm,” Joseph hummed with a tight-lipped smile. “Yes, I suppose they are… Why don’t you go join your peers?”
“Oh, of course! Gotcha!” he said as he hopped over to join the rest, scanning the crowd for someone to hit it off with. Joseph turned his attention back to the road, making a mental note to compensate the driver who seemed to be too taken by the prospector’s charms. His thoughts couldn’t delve much deeper as the next carriage pulled up, and before the passenger had even stepped foot onto the ground, he was already making his entrance.
“Hey, maybe drive a little more normal next time,” he spoke in a mumble, “I swear you were trying to kill us both. Do me a favor and keep me out of it…”
“Why, hello there Andrew,” Joseph hummed with an amused smile.
“Oh,” Andrew said looking up at him. “Yeah. Hello. I’m supposed to be back there, right? That’s not changed, right?”
“That’s correct, everyone is waiting for you back there,” Joseph said with a wave, expecting to finish his statement.
“I hardly doubt that’s the truth, but I’ll go stand back there if that’s what you mean,” he mumbled as he shuffled off.
“Hey!” José called over to the grave keeper. “We got an open spot in our circle, come on over!” He was enthusiastically backed by William, Kevin, and Mike gesturing for Andrew with their hands. He hesitated.
“I’d be careful of them,” Aesop said, leaning over toward Andrew. “They were cheering when people were falling from their carriages. Who knows what they would do to you .” Joseph looked over his shoulder and made eye contact with Aesop. He squinted at the embalmer.
“Oh,” Andrew said while looking over to the rowdy bunch of men. “Yeah, probably. They look like trouble.”
“I’m busy, though. So you might be better off…” Aesop gestured vaguely to the group with a shrug.
“Oh.”
“What is that?” Lucky asked, pointing in the distance. “Are they running from their carriage?” Many of the group looked up to see something humanoid running in front of the arriving coach.
“It doesn’t look like its a human,” Eli spoke up, earning plenty of strange looks. “Brooke Rose says.” The number of strange looks didn’t exactly decrease.
“Nah, I think he’s right,” Kevin said. “Looks downright human, but also machine-like.”
“Hm?” Luca said, his attention finally being grabbed. “Oh, is that an automaton?”
“Ah,” Joseph interrupted, “So Tracy must have arrived. How wonderful. I’m sure they will be glad to know that you were all so intrigued.” The robot arrived before the carriage and helped the blonde mechanic out of the carriage as they controlled it with a complex remote. They gave a small wave as they arrived on the ground.
“Is that yours?” Luca asked from the back of the group.
“Ah, oh, yes, this?” Tracy replied, looking up. “Yes, I made it.” Luca didn’t say much more but gave an approving smile.
“Well Tracy, feel free to bring yourself and your machine friend back to join everyone,” Joseph said. They nodded and had their automaton walk back with them. The next carriage arrived, and with it came the burning smells of perfumes. A woman adorned in elegant clothes stepped out, in her hand was a fairly large clamp satchel.
“Good afternoon,” she said with clarity as she approached Joseph. “Thank you for the ride, it was pleasant.”
“Yes, of course,” he replied with a genuine smile, “It’s a pleasure, Vera. I hate to cut formalities short, but if you wouldn’t mind acquainting yourself with your fellow competitors behind me?” She nodded and held her bag close as she walked towards the group, scanning the crowd. Her eyes with Aesop’s. For a moment their gazes were locked, and slowly their eyes matched in a squint. Passing him by without a word, she got lost in the crowd. Yet another carriage arrived. Joseph stood patiently as he waited for the new arrival to exit the carriage, however, the door remained closed.
“Perhaps they fell asleep?” Joseph wondered aloud as he walked towards the coach to open the door, however, when he pulled on it he found that it had somehow been locked. He blinked, he wasn’t even sure if the carriage could do that. “Um, excuse me?”
“My apologies, Joseph,” a man said while tapping his shoulder, alerting Joseph and nearly causing him to shout out. Joseph turned around quickly and relaxed when he saw the bearded man holding a wand.
“Ah, Servais. Good to see you, the rest are waiting for you to join them,” he gave his practiced gesture towards the crowd of competitors.
“Oh, I know, Joseph,” the man said from within the crowd. “ I know. ” The other competitors turned to look at him, as did Joseph, with a blink.
“ Right … Well, our next arrival is…” Joseph said peering to the incoming carriage in which music was blaring. As it pulled up the music didn’t stop, a woman donning pink stepped out gracefully, giving a wave with her fingers while holding a music box that was playing close to her chest.
“Ah, Margaretha! It’s so wonderful to see and hear from you,” Joseph said bringing a hand to his chest. “How have you been?”
“Oh,” she said with a smile slowly closing the box. “I’ve been well Joseph, how about you?”
“Quite well, and your tunes leave me all the better, I hope to hear them again soon, but for the time being, why don’t you go introduce yourself.”
“Mm,” she replied with a nod. “Alright! Later!” She gave a wave and made her way gracefully into the crowd, her thoughts still clearly in her music. The next carriage arrived, and before it even stopped, the door swung open and a girl in a straw hat hopped out.
“Three,” Aesop spoke up before either of them had a chance to get a word out, earning him a side-glance from Joseph.
“Anyways, it’s great to see you, please, make your way to the rest, if you would. I hate to rush you, but we must keep this going, yes?” he said to the girl who was already making her way to the crowd.
“Okay Joseph, I will,” she said with a wave. He watched as she nestled herself amongst the rest.
Another carriage pulled up quickly, surprising Joseph. A young man hopped out, accompanied by a dog. A warm smile was painted on his face as he waved.
"Ah, hello Victor," Joseph said, returning the wave with a short one of his own. "I will keep words short between us. We are glad to see you. If you wouldn't mind stepping inside and joining everyone?" Victor nodded and briskly walked to join everyone, his dog following quickly by his side.
“Hey Joseph, I hate to bother ya’,” Fiona spoke up, “But when’s he showing up, huh?”
“I don’t know, Fiona, I’m sorry--” Joseph responded.
“Is this almost over?” Mike chirped, “I want to go hang out and show these guys some tricks, yeah?”
“It shouldn’t be much longer Mike, trust me, this process has pained me more than it has you.”
“I don’t know about that one, this has been pretty draining,” the acrobat replied in a coy tone.
“It’s probably going to take longer if we keep distracting the host with pointless questions,” Andrew grumbled.
“Aw, cheer up buddy,” Margaretha said patting Andrew on the back.
“ Don’t touch me,” he said looking over at her.
“Everyone, maybe we should just calm down, ” Martha spoke up.
“Right, you would know about calm,” Aesop said with an expressionless nod. From behind them came a bubbling that was largely ignored.
“You really got a lot to say over there,” William teased
.
“Ȩ̷̝̻̪̪̥̺̻͙͎͎̗̼̥̻̜̱̩̳̠̘͚̖͉̤͋̏͊̅̊̈́̍͐̊̍̑̕͝͝ͅ ̷̢̧̜̯̗̮͎̣͇̯͙̯̥̩̹͉̭͈̥͚̪̔͒͗̌̊̏̇ͅN̶̨̧̧̤̰̦͕̼̩̫̗͚͕̺̬̫̤̰͖̱͌̊̆̾̆͛̐̅̅̿͂̊̚͝ͅ ̶̩̰͙̣͕̙͖̦̩͈̭̬͑͛͋͛̒͑́͆͗̔̈́͐̃̋̔͛͘͘͘͝Ŏ̸̜̾̇͐̑͆̅̚͠ ̷̤̲̹̉͗̽͆̐̌̅͠U̶̗̟͈̜̱̙̬̭̘̟͗̽̓͌̅̄̈̅̍̌̎͂͂̎̈́̅̐̌̊̑̃̚͘͠ ̵̧̡͔͉͈͍̦̰͕̜̽̉̽̎̈͗̒͘͜͝ͅG̷̨̧̢͉̥̮͍̻̱̯̗̗̣̜̐̊͐͋̐͜ ̵̧̦͕͖̹̏̎̊́͌Ȟ̷̡̡̡̛̩̥̭͕̥͚͍͉͙̩͆͗̎͗̐̽͋̋͘͝͝,” a garbled, hellish, undistinguishable language echoed through the forest
causing the crows which were nesting in nearby trees to leave in droves, cawing.
“It’s him!” Fiona said clapping her hands and running over to the holding pond, which now had a cloaked, tentacled being hovering over it.
“What the fuck is that?!” Andrew yelped as he gripped his cross, stepping back to create distance from himself and this hell beast.
“Oh, hello Hastur, kind of you to surface,” Joseph said with a genuine smile. “Thank you for easing the mood. Everyone, this is Hastur. He is my assistant and the bridge between me and you, so please get used to communicating with him. Unfortunately, you won’t be able to understand what he says, probably. That’s the drawbacks of speaking in a dead, forgotten, eldritch language, I suppose. But don’t worry, he knows what you are saying,” Joseph said with a smile. Silence filled the air, broken only by the sound of the door of a coach that had been parked for some time opening.
“Y’all done?” a woman asked as she stepped out, taking a drink from a bottle in her hand.
“Ah, Demi! I can’t thank you enough for your patience,” Joseph started.
“Nah, don’t worry Joseph. It’s not patience, I was just relaxing,” she laughed, “But you’re awful sweet for assumin’ the best of me.” Joseph smiled.
“Well, I am sure you wouldn’t mind joining the rest?” he looked over his shoulder towards the competitors who were starting to revert to idle chatter, however, less feral than before.
“Of course, I’d love to Jo’” she said with a wink and a nod of her head.
“Alright, we have to be getting to the end of this…” Joseph muttered to himself. He inhaled and rolled his shoulders before standing straighter than before as a carriage approached with someone sitting on the roof seeming to be reading something. “Alright and next up is…”
“We’ve finally made it!” the man on top of the roof stated before hopping off of the moving carriage while still reading the piece of paper in his hand and walking almost uncomfortably close to Joseph before noticing and taking a few steps back.
“Good to see you, Kurt, it looks like you had a good time on your little adventure,” Joseph said with a soft laugh.
“Oh? Oh, yeah!” he said with a smile. “Yeah it’s fun, can’t wait to see what the rest holds!”
“Well, why don’t you go introduce yourself to your future teammates over there, we only have… Hastur?”
“Ơ̶̢͇̜̬̰̹͎̺̜̇͊͆̋͊͂̉̈̉̏̕͠ ̸̙̠̯̲̰̜̪̲̠̜́̋͂͊̚N̴̨̛̮͚̬͓̲̭͋͑̀̿̈͂̌̂͑̅̋͘͘͜͝ ̶̲̮͚͇̗̱̦̲̬̯̈́͋͗͗͛́͒̐̓͒͜͝E̶̫͉̹̤͌̆͐͆̐̆͘͝” the being replied.
“Ah, thank you. One last expected arrival, and we should nearly be able to release you to explore your rooms in the manor more in-depth, all of you,” and almost as if on cue, the final carriage arrived. A scrawny, bespectacled man hopped out of the carriage.
“Freddy, glad you made it,” Joseph said curtly.
“Yes, it seems the whole band has already arrived,” he replied quickly, heading over to the crowd. “Any reason why I was the last to arrive?”
“We would hate to have you wait any longer than you had to,” Joseph lied quickly, wishing to dodge any further questioning.
“L̵̺̲̿ ̸̯̪̩͖̞̪̜͖͊͛̈́͂̓̆I̵̟̠̫͕̩̲̦̱̊ ̶̢̡͓̙̦̌̾Ę̷̮͈̒̈̾̃͗̏̆ ̷͕͙̠̬̣́S̵̛͍̣̲̮̠̜͋̋͐̿̆̒,” Hastur emitted. Fiona laughed. Joseph glared over at Hastur.
“Anyways, we have all arrived, so let’s cut to the chase, yes? Since we have all had the chance to introduce ourselves,” he said while staring at Freddy to try and prevent any smart comments. “Let’s tackle the last order of business for the day: splitting into teams. How exciting! Hastur, if you would read the list?” He laughed. “I flatter myself. No, I will read the teams. If I call your name, please move yourself over to the left side of me here.
“William, Kurt, Aesop, Emily, Andrew, Fiona, Margaretha, Freddy, Victor, Vera, and Lucky. You will all be spending your time together rooming in the left-wing of the manor. From this point onwards, you will be known as a member of team Tide Turner.”
“Neat!” Fiona said, looking at her teammates.
“The rest of you, please step to the right. Eli, Demi, Kevin, Tracy, Mike, Norton, Luca, Emma, Martha, Servais, and José, you will be known as a member of team Terror Shock. You will be occupying the right-wing of the manor.”
“I’m not sure if I’m on this team as some sort of ironic joke, but I have to say, our team has the superior name,” José joked. Joseph smiled politely.
“Well, now that we have gotten the basics out of the way, I think we can take our respective breaks. I know that I need to excuse myself for a nice cup of tea, alone. I suggest you all get to befriending your teammates, but I can’t dictate your strategy. While I go prepare myself a well-needed break, sit back and relax viewers, and don’t forget to turn in next time for another spectacular, and less repetitive episode of Total Drama Manor!”