Work Text:
Carrillo had shot a kid. He shot a fucking kid.
Javier was flipping through so many emotions as the group made there way back to headquarters, mostly staying in the heavy emotion of pure numbness. Not even knowing how to feel about what happened. This isn’t what he fucking signed up for.
The car came to a stop outside the building, and Javier could immediately see Steve standing outside, waiting for good news; Javier almost felt bad that he didn’t have any. None the less he climbed out of the vehicle and started to head towards his own, just wanting to get home and get as drunk as possible.
“Javi!” Javier tried to ignore Steve, not wanting to have to make up some bullshit story about what went down, “Javi what the hell happened?”
Javier just kept walking to his vehicle, “Carrillo let them go”. Not all of them, he thought to himself.
Steve looked confused; Javier wouldn’t even look at him as he answered his question. He sighed and kept walking after his partner, “that’s it?”.
Javier blinked, pausing before opening his car door, “yeah that’s it”
Steve had never felt the need to call bullshit so strongly in his life until right now, something was off with Javier, he could tell there’s something he wasn’t telling him. Steve grabbed Javier’s arm before he could get into his car.
“let go of my fucking arm” sudden anger laced Javier’s every word, only helping to prove Steve’s theory that something more had gone down out there tonight.
“hey” Steve warned, not wanting to start some parking lot fight with Javier, “what happened out there Jav?”, Steve wanted to be gentle, but he also just wanting some fucking answers.
Javier paused, still looking down at the ground. It was obvious to Steve that something was tearing his partner apart.
“Javi?” Steve questioned, a little gentler this time.
Javi tilted his head to the side so Steve couldn’t see his face, and Steve could hear him mumble something quietly. He loosened his grip on his partners arm, placing his hand on Javier’s shoulder instead.
“c’mon Javi” Steve pushed.
Javier took in a deep breath and Steve could hear it shudder through his partner’s body, and Javier finally turned his face back towards his partner. Steve’s heart sunk as he could now see tears forming in Javier’s eyes, threatening to fall at any moment. Javier took another deep breath, preparing himself for what he had to say.
“he sh- “, Javier took in another sharp breath and tilted his head back for a moment, knowing that as soon as he got the words out, tears would start to fall. And even though everyone had gone back inside, he still didn’t want to look weak in front of his partner.
“He shot a kid, Carrillo shot a kid.” Javier breathed the words out quickly, the tears involuntarily escaping from his eyes. Javier quickly wiped them away as Steve processed what he had said.
Steve looked mortified. Not just from learning that Carrillo had killed a child, but also at the sight of his partner starting to break down, clearly in shock from what he was forced to witness. Steve slid his hand up from Javier’s shoulder to the back of his head, swiftly pulling his partner into a tight hug. Javier, not even thinking about it, returned the motion; wrapping his arms around Steve and letting himself cry into his partners shoulder.
Neither of them said a word, mostly because neither of them knew what to say. The two agents just stood beside Javier’s car, with Steve holding tightly on to Javier as if he was going to fall apart.
Steve stroked his fingers through the hair on the back of Javier’s head as he shook in his arms, Steve pulled his partner closer (if that was even possible at this point) and softly shushed him.
“It’s not your fault Javi” Steve tried to assure his partner, “This is on Carrillo’s hands, not yours”.
Javier just continued to cry into Steve’s shoulder, not wanting to look his partner in the eye quite yet. He knew it wasn’t his fault, he hadn’t pulled the trigger, but he couldn’t help but wonder if he could have done anything to prevent what happened. He should have stepped in or said something once Carrillo’s actions were starting to get out of hand.
Steve and Javier stood like this for a little while longer until Steve placed his hands on the sides of Javier’s face, lifting his head off his shoulder to look at him. Javier moved his hands to rest on Steve’s arms as he was pulled out of his ‘hiding spot’.
Javier’s eyes were bloodshot, and some tears still forced their way out as he tried to blink them away. He let Steve lift his head up, but he still diverted his gaze to the ground.
Steve used his thumbs to wipe away some of the wetness from his partners face, taking a moment before deciding to say anything. Javier was still shaking as he stared at his shoes.
“Look at me Javi” Steve spoke softly to his partner, “hey, just look at me man”.
Javier let out a small shuddered breath before looking at his partner once again. He didn’t say a word as he sniffed back his tears, worried that anything he tried to say would only bring on more.
"I'm gonna drive you home tonight alright?" Steve said, now looking at his partners confused expression, "You can't drive like this, just leave your car here for the night and you can get it tomorrow morning". Javier thought about it for a moment; he knew Steve was right, there was no way he was going to be able to drive safely in his current state. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to say no either, Steve was taking Javier with him no matter what he said.
Javier gave his partner a small nod and breathed out an “okay”.
Letting one hand drop from Javier’s face and moving the other to the back of his neck, Steve nodded at his partner and guided him to his car.
The drive home was pretty silent, Javier would sniffle and wipe his eyes every once in a while, but neither of them said a word.
* * *
Once they pulled into the apartments parking garage and got out of the car, Steve put his hand back onto Javier’s shoulder, “come up to my apartment for a bit okay? I’ll pour you a drink.” Steve knew Javier was probably going to drink tonight anyway, so he might as well not be alone.
Javier nodded as they walked into the foyer of the building, he said a quick “okay” as he started to follow Steve up the stairs.
Steve opened the door to his apartment and immediately guided Javier to sit on the couch while he went to get drinks for them. He ended up just grabbing a bottle of whiskey from the front of his cabinet, he got two glasses from the cupboard and headed back into the living room where Javier had his elbows propped up on his knees and his chin resting in his hands. He was just staring at the room in front of him.
“here we go” Steve said, sitting down next to Javier and placing the two glasses on the coffee table. He started out by only pouring a little into each glass, it wasn’t his goal to get Javier shit faced; although he did wish he had a better way of making Javier forget tonight’s events.
“thanks” Javier picked up the glass closest to him and was quick to drink half of it. Whether he was alone or not, he still planned to try and drink this all away.
Javier didn’t waste any time finishing his glass and placing it back on the table, Steve could only sigh as he grabbed the bottle and refilled Javier’s glass for him.
This went on for about 6 more glasses for Javier. Steve only finished the one, figuring he should at least stay more sober than his partner. Steve thought he might even have to call into work and say that Javier won’t be there tomorrow.
After Javier finished his 8th glass, he leaned forward and rested his face in his hands. Steve moved a little closer and rubbed his hand up and down his partners back, preparing for more tears; but Javier just stayed silent.
Steve eventually decided he should maybe switch the whiskey in for water, he stood up off the couch and grabbed the bottle off the table, taking it back into the kitchen. He grabbed a clean, and slightly larger glass from the cupboard and filled it with cold water. Steve set the glass down and leaned on the edge of the sink for a moment, wondering to himself how this was going to affect Javier’s mood at work. Was he going to agree to go on any more missions like this?
Steve sighed as he picked the glass up and headed back to the living room, but as he rounded the corner, he didn’t find what he expected.
He had expected to find Javier in the same position as when he left, hunched over with his face in his hands, but that wasn’t really the case. Instead, Javier had leaned his body towards the armrest of the couch, and promptly fallen asleep. Steve smiled at that expression on Javier’s face, he looked much calmer now, which is definitely what he needed.
Steve set the glass down on the coffee table and moved towards his partner, grabbing Javier's legs and lifting them up onto the couch so he was in a much more comfortable position. Javier’s face twitched at the movement, but he stayed fast asleep. Steve grabbed a blanket off of the back of the couch and laid it over his sleeping friend’s body.
He cleared the whiskey glasses off the coffee table and headed into his bedroom for the night, he would wake up early and call in sick to work for both himself and Javier. God knows Javier definitely deserved a day off, and Steve was determined to not leave him alone for it.
When Steve and Javier became partners, they knew they were going to be in all this shit together. And even outside of work, Steve was going to keep it that way.