Chapter Text
Taehyung had an hour left before he needed to be there.
That gave him enough time to finish up with his last patient, do a quick round of his ward, make sure all the other staff on-call were okay and get a cup of coffee. Which then allowed him forty-five minutes to race home (praying that nothing happened on the tube), get changed out of his scrubs as the tatty clothes in his locker hadn't been washed for God knows how long and he wasn't willing to risk it. If he played his cards right and was quick enough, he would get there just in time. Emphasis on just.
Despite this, his body reeked with anxiety. For what would've been the third time in five minutes, he checked his watch; today of all days, he couldn't afford to be late or miss this.
Obviously his nerves hadn't gone amiss with his patient, who bless her soul, asked if she should come back another time for her ultrasound - assuming that were patients that needed Taehyung more than her. With a grateful smile, Taehyung replied that it wasn't work related but more a personal issue later today that she didn't need to worry about. It lead the two onto small talk, both sharing stories about their own families.
Soon the appointment was over, the soon-to-be mother left and Taehyung was slightly chuffed that he was ahead of schedule. Of course, he spoke too soon.
On his last round, one of his colleagues (and best friend) Jimin, rushed towards him, telling him that a patient had deteriorated as a result of an untreated ectopic pregnancy and Taehyung needed to scrub in instantly. Cursing to whatever Gods up there that had something against him, he nodded, following Jimin whilst his ever growing guilt followed him.
He had no idea how long this was going to take but he guessed that he could probably make it for the end. That was if he was lucky.
Very lucky.
Much to Taehyung's surprise, he actually made it halfway through the show.
He no longer had the luxury or time to go home so reluctantly, he threw on the clothes in his locker, drowning them in deodorant before he left.
As he entered the hall, closing the door gently behind him, he scanned for a familiar face (or more the back of his head from where he was stood), he was dreading to see.
Much to his despair, he couldn't see shit. The dark lighting making it almost impossible to distinguish the sea of people sitting down with the only source of light coming from the stage. However, luck seemed to like Taehyung today as he somehow managed to recognise the familiar mop of brown hair and the empty seat next to him.
Taehyung sighed, mentally preparing himself for the rant that was about to begin. He prayed that for once he wouldn't make a scene.
Thankfully, the empty chair was at the end of the row, meaning that Taehyung didnt have to do that whole shuffling, muttering endless 'sorry's fiasco. Body tensed, he sat down, trying aimlessly to figure out just what the hell was going on on the stage all whilst trying to desperately ignore the man next to him.
"You're late." Jeongguk whispered harshly, leaning towards Taehyung ever so slightly so no other parents could hear them as he gritted through his teeth.
Taehyung swallowed thickly, whispering back, "There was an unexpected surgery."
"Why didn't you text me?" Their eyes were both glued on the scene in front of them as they talked. Taehyung still had no fucking idea what was going on.
"My phones dead - didnt have time to charge it."
Jeongguk didn't have anything to reply back to this so instead changed the subject, "You're lucky you didn't miss her solo."
Taehyung held back a very much relived 'oh thank god' and instead let a small smile spread across his lips.
Before he could reply to Jeongguk, however, the only reason why he was here walked onto the stage. Clamping his mouth shut, he watched his daughter, all attention focused onto the five year old.
His daughter, he cursed inwardly, correcting himself to remember to think of Jiwoo as his and Jeongguk's daughter. It was hard to remember that despite how much he and Jeongguk claimed to hate each other, they still had much more in common than they liked to admit. Jiwoo being one of them.
That was, of course, what made them such a good couple - or at least what used to.
As Jiwoo started to sing, Taehyung tried to piece together just what the hell was going. He was tempted to ask Jeongguk, but he didn't think the younger would be all too happy to have to answer.
The show ended and he was beyond proud of his baby girl - their baby girl.
The two waited in awkward silence, standing next to one another with an uncomfortable distance between them. Whilst other parents beamed, holding hands as their soft conversations filled the hall, Jeongguk and Taehyung kept their mouths shut, arms crossed as they looked anywhere but each other.
"You promised, Taehyung." Jeongguk snapped, voice taunt.
As much as he tried, Taehyung still found it hard to not flinch every time Jeongguk used his full name; nicknames were now long gone between them.
"I told you, an unexpected surgery came up."
"Theres always an unexpected surgery." The younger argued back. It wasn't a lie - far from it. Despite every part of his body rejecting to it, Taehyung made sure that he kept eye contact with Jeongguk.
The childish part of him didn't want to be beaten, to be stepped all over by Jeongguk. "I'm a doctor, Jeongguk. My schedule is unpredictable as fuck no matter how much I try to stop it. If it makes you feel any better, I'd cleared my schedule for this evening and I was ready to leave. Jimin just caught me at the wrong time."
"Could Jimin seriously not have gone to another - ?" The scowl on Jeongguks face suddenly morphed into a delighted grin whilst the harsh tone of his voice switched into a squeal as he spoke, "Jiwoo! You did so well, Pumpkin." His attention was behind Taehyung, to the giggling five year old that was running towards them.
Taehyung followed him, turning around to watch Jeongguk pick up Jiwoo and spin her around in the air.
The guilt came rushing in, clambering at his neck and settling at the pit of his stomach. He felt like he was intruding. It may of been his daughter and he may be her father but since their divorce, since everything happened, Taehyung still found it difficult sometimes to feel that he actually belonged in their family. As much as he tried for it not to be, work was his number one priority - he was one of the highest ranking doctors on the labour ward, if there was a problem, he was the first person you would go too. This was, of course, only one of the numerous issues Jeongguk pestered him about.
However, now was not the time for him to be thinking about this.
His lips tugged upwards, rushing towards Jiwoo as Jeongguk put her down to shower her in praises. He hadn't seen her for around a week now, the hospital flooding with new patients to the point where he hadn't even had the chance to go back home - hence the clothes from his locker.
"Appa!" Jiwoo squealed, rushing into Taehyung arms as he knelt down.
"I missed you so much, Bubs." He said as he rested his head against the top of hers, the familiar smell of strawberry shampoo invading his senses. Now with her in his arms, guilt only wrapped itself tighter around his throat.
"I missed you too." Jiwoo replied back, tucking her head into the crook of his neck. Taehyung could feel Jeongguk staring intently at the two of them. There was a time when he craved his stare, longed for it to never leave him but now, it made his skin crawl. It wasn't hard to tell that Jeongguk was disappointed in Taehyung and he could just feel the other judging him already.
"I'm so so proud of you, you know that right?" He said as he leaned back so he could look Jiwoo in the eyes.
A beautiful, big smile spread across the four year olds lips, "I know, Appa."
Taehyung pressed a kiss against her cheek, savouring the giggles that poured out of Jiwoos mouth. Whenever it got hard at the hospital, whenever he was at his worst, all he needed to do was think of his daughters precious smiles and laughter and he was back on his feet.
"Can we get ice cream?" Jiwoo asked.
"Of course we can, baby."
"Can Dada come too? It been forever since you and Dada got ice cream." Wearily, Taehyung looked up at Jeongguk, who only nodded in return.
"Yes, Dada can come too." Taehyung tried to stomp down the part of him that was happy, excited even, for Jeongguk to come. No, he wasn't allowed to feel like that anymore - that ship had sailed a long time ago.
-
one week later
"Taetae?" Jimin asked sweetly - too sweetly for Taehyungs liking, obviously he wanted something.
"Yes, Jimin-ah?" Taehyung mumbled, practically falling asleep on top of all his paperwork. He wasn't even half way through his shift yet (or at least when it was supposed to end but he already knew that he would be staying on much later) and he was already ready to go home and sleep.
"Can you go get me a coffee from the cafe?" Jimin flashed him a sickly smile and least to say Taehyung was not impressed.
"No."
"Please, Tae!" He dragged the words out, smile turning into a pout. "You won't have to pay, I'll give you money to get yourself a coffee."
Now Taehyungs ears perked up at this. "Why can't you get it yourself?"
"I'm about to go and see a patient - you know, the one in room five." Jimin said knowingly.
Okay... maybe Taehyung had time to get Jimin's coffee.
"Fine," He grabbed the card from the blonds hands. "But you owe me."
Jimin protested, shouting after Taehyung as he walked out into the hallway. "I'm paying for your coffee, you fucker!"
Today, the cafe was practically empty, the occasional doctor or nurse that Taehyung waved a small hello to and the odd patient but apart from that, it was practically deserted. He let out a sigh of relief. Although nightshifts were usually quiet, he always felt a little on edge, waiting for the next mother to come bursting through the doors in early labor or another patient to suddenly need an emergency caesarean.
The cafe was quiet and peaceful, almost in its own little bubble compared to the absolute chaos that surrounded it.
He grabbed two takeaway cups, heading to the shitty coffee machine. When he had first started at this hospital, he couldn't bare the taste of the coffee but it got to the point where he wasn't even tasting it anymore, chugging it as fast as possible to salvage all of the energy so he didn't collapse from exhaustion.
He was lost in thought, going through his schedule and to do list when a hand tapped him on the shoulder. When he turned around, the smile on his face dropped at the sight of -
"Jeongguk? What are you doing here?"
It had been years since Jeongguk had been in the hospital. When they were married, he would always come and visit Taehyung to bring him lunch so they could eat together or even to drag him back home when he forgot the time and stayed long past when his shift was meant to end.
"We need to talk." He said bluntly.
Immediately, Taehyung's mind went wild, searching through his mental calendar to make sure he hadn't missed any event. He was almost certain he hadn't missed anything. Fuck, if Jeongguk was just messing him around then he wasn't in the mood for this. "I don't have time for this right now, I have -"
"Don't bullshit me, Taehyung. Jimin told me your schedule and when it was best to come and see you."
Fucking Jimin. He was going to kill that bastard of a midget when he next saw him.
"Oh."
"Can we please just talk?" Jeongguks voice softened however there was still a desperate edge to it - a slip of exasperation hidden beneath.
That wasn't good. That wasn't good at all.
He couldn't help but feel as nervous; the last time Jeongguk had used that kind of tone and those words was when he told Taehyung he wanted a divorce.
"Yeah, uh, sure." He tripped over his words, cursing himself for being so awkward. "Do you want a coffee or anything?"
"Yes, if thats alright? Thanks."
"Milk, one sugar, right?"
"How did you -"
"We were married for ten years - together for fifteen even. You really think I can't remember how you like your coffee?"
"Yeah, I suppose so..." Jeongguk muttered in response.
There you go again, Taehyung, making things impossibly awkward as always.
The two sat down on one of the tables, silence separating the two of them. Taehyung realised that ironically they had somehow managed to sit on the same table that they used to when Jeongguk used to visit him. Habits stuck, he supposed.
They sipped at their coffees. God, this was painful.
Of course, Jeongguk is the one to break first.
"You need to get your act together." He blurted out, voice harsh, almost unforgiving.
Taehyung spluttered, taken aback by the sudden attack, "I'm sorry what?"
"You're a mess. Don't try and pretend you're not."
To say that Taehyung was speechless would be an understatement. "I-"
"No, you look like you haven't slept in weeks. Yoongi told me that Jimin is worried sick about you and hell, even Jiwoo thinks something is wrong."
Taehyung snapped his head up, hands shaking at his daughters name. "What?"
The younger sighed, eyes focused on him, "She keeps asking me why she can never see you and why, when she does, you look so tired. She's worried about you, Taehyung. Your own daughter is worried about you, for fucks sake."
"I told you, I'm fine. It's my job, it's meant to be stressful but I'm dealing with it just fine -"
"You're not though!" Jeongguk argued back, stopping for a moment to lower his voice due to the increase of growing stares around them. "You're overworked and you're going to end up breaking."
"You don't know anything about me anymore." It was harsh but the truth and they both knew this.
"I don't. But like you said, we were together for 15 years. I've known you my whole life, Taehyung - you really think that I can't tell when you're stressed." For a second, he sounded like his Jeongguk, the one that he fell in love with, the one who he was meant to spend the rest of his life with.
Taehyung didn't say anything, he couldn't. He couldn't let Jeongguk see the tears that were threatening to spill or the lump in his throat that was just bursting to let out a sob.
"You haven't seen Jiwoo in a week." His voice hardened, the Jeongguk that he now knew all too well coming back. "Hell, do you even know what has been going on with her life lately? Who her friends are or even who her favourite teacher is?"
Taehyung did. He knew all of these things like the back of his hand but he couldn't say anything; it would immediately give away his shaky voice and the moment he spoke, his mask would come crashing down.
However, Jeongguk took this very differently. "See? You know nothing, you haven't for the past year." An unsympathetic, dry laugh left his mouth. "And you wonder why I wanted a divorce."
Fuck, he went there.
No, Taehyung really couldn't do this any longer.
"Whether you realise it or not, Taehyung, you're starting to turn into him."
And Taehyung hadn't thought the younger could go any further.
"Don't you dare ever compare me to my father." His voice was nowhere near enough stable, trembling like the finger he pointed at the younger. "I am nothing like him."
Jeongguk knew he had gone too far and they both knew it but that didn't seem to stop him.
"You only ever see Jiwoo on the weekend and even then you cancel most weeks -" Whatever Jeongguk was saying started to grow muffled. He could no longer concentrate on anything apart from the plastic coffee cup in front of him, the sound of his heartbeat and what he had just implied: he was a bad father.
The sound of his pager cut through his thoughts. God, he had never been more grateful for that wretched thing.
"I have to go." He muttered without even looking at Jeongguk, he couldn't look at him right now. Jeongguk called after him, clearly not caring what Taehyung's colleagues or patients thought about him.
Somehow, Taehyung managed to get to his ward without crying. He delivered a baby without crying, told the mother that it was okay to cry when she held her daughter for the first time and was didn't shed a single tear. Even as he continued on throughout the rest of the day and into the night, he did not cry despite the lingering thoughts of their conversation. It was only when he bumped into Jimin in the on-call room, who simply asked him if he was okay - the first person to do so in god knows how long - did Taehyung finally burst into tears.
The more he thought about it, the more he obsessed about it did he realise just how right Jeongguk was.
He really was a bad father.