Work Text:
This was not happening again. Claire hadn’t gone and let someone in enough to fall in love only to watch them die at the hands of someone who wasn’t even from this world, when it should have been Claire, before she’d taken a chance to say something about it. With Kaia, it had been a split second decision, and any time Claire started feeling too guilty about it, she could remind herself sternly that she would have done the exact same thing if their positions had been reversed, and the only regret she’d have had would be that Kaia would be the one who had to live with it. The best thing Claire could do to honor Kaia’s sacrifice was to make her life count, be worth saving.
With Maggie, on the other hand… Claire should have been there. Against Michael, there wasn’t much she could have done, but at the very least she could have been there. She could have tried harder to convince Maggie to go to college with her, but that was a doomed proposition. Claire hated college. She was only going because it made Jody happy for her to have something to fall back on if she got too hurt or mentally scarred to keep hunting. Maggie didn’t even have that. Why in the hell would she abandon the hunt for the tedium of classes, especially given that she hadn’t been to a proper school since the Apocalypse?
But if she had, she might still be alive now.
Claire had come as soon as Castiel called her to tell her what had happened. He’d done his best to prepare her, both for the dead and for the living. Meaning he wouldn’t be able to be there for her the way she might like him to be, because Sam was taking the loss of the hunters so hard. He’d do what he could, but he needed to be there for Sam, too, and there was only so much one angel could do.
Seeing Maggie… there was nothing anyone could have done to prepare Claire for that. Looking at the body made it too real. She didn’t know who’d gone to the trouble of carrying her to a bed and putting her on it like she’d just fallen asleep, but Claire couldn’t handle it. People could judge her all she wanted, she needed to do it. She went in and laid beside Maggie on the bed, spooning up against her.
“So yeah, I shoulda said this while you were alive to hear it, but I didn’t. Never seemed to be the right time. Thing is, I don’t even get the excuse of thinking there would be time later. I know better. You and me both got shoved into this life young, we both know our time could come any day. I just… I wasn’t expecting it to come quite so soon anyway. Same damn mistake I made with Kaia. You’d think I’d learn, but apparently, I’m an idiot.”
After a moment, Claire realized she still hadn’t actually said anything. “Right. Even alive you couldn’t read my mind, no chance of you doing it while you’re dead. Don’t suppose there’s any hope of you coming back? You’ve already gotten a second chance, thanks to Jack, but I dunno if Jack would be willing to do it again. I’ll ask, when he gets back, but… who knows.” Jack had gone with Dean on a supply run and they didn’t expect to be back until morning, much to Claire’s chagrin now that she remembered that Jack had been the one to convince Lucifer to bring Maggie back the first time. They were friends. On the other hand, without his soul… who knew if he’d care enough? He sure acted like he still cared about Sam and Dean and Castiel, but other friends? Claire didn’t want to push it too much.
Claire laid her head down, and then realized she still hadn’t said what she’d meant to say. “Right. No more distractions. Gotta say this. I love you, Maggie. I wish… I wish I had said it while you were alive. Even if you weren’t interested, at least I’d know. I wouldn’t have to live with the what-if. If Jack does agree to bring you back, first chance I get, I’m saying this again. Otherwise… maybe this time I’ll actually learn something.”
Claire hadn’t meant to fall asleep there, but she did. When she woke up, it was to find herself cuddling a live human instead of a corpse. “Maggie…?”
“In the flesh!” Maggie smiled up at Claire. “My Reaper was trying to figure out what to do with me… apparently having the wrong Michael running around this world is messing up resonances and they didn’t want to put me in Heaven, or I’d attract his attention and he might mess things up even worse, but I don’t deserve Purgatory or Hell. Don’t ask me to explain the science, it was all technobabble to me. Anyway, we were still here while she tried to sort it out, so… I heard you, last night. My Reaper and her boss agreed that if there weren’t any good options, we may as well save Jack the trouble or save the Winchesters from having to deal with him not caring. Besides, they apparently owed Castiel a favor, and figured making you happy would settle it.”
“Heh. Gotta say, they’re probably not wrong there.” Claire paused, letting it sink in that Maggie was back, knew how Claire felt, and was still here instead of up helping clean up. “You okay? Dying again, everyone else dead… I know how much that’s gotta suck.”
“Yeah, it sucks, but I’ve been through losing everything before. I’ve got coping strategies. I’m scared as hell, but I’m not going to let it break me or stop doing what I want to do. It helps, knowing that this time around, I’ll have you. I didn’t lose everything.”
“So… you like me back? Or you’re just not gonna let this screw up a good friendship?”
“I like you back. I didn’t say anything before because, well, I didn’t really think the middle of a fight against an archangel was the time for it. But… you’re right about us not knowing what’s gonna happen tomorrow, so… be my girlfriend? Next time I die, I’ll be a lot happier, knowing that I went for happiness. Really all a hunter can ask for, isn’t it?”
“Sounds good to me. Love you.”