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Sana lives.
She looks around in the darkness and sees the threads of life. Sees the threads of her friends all broken but intertwined together. Sees Momo’s thread, fragile and left hanging.
The shadow at her back brings her more comfort than she would like to admit.
She continues to live.
-
Sana remembers.
Ages ago, when the battle was won. Momo was on the ground, an arrow deep in her chest. Not breathing.
Sana prayed.
Let her live and you shall have me.
I’ll do your biding as long as her heart keeps beating.
This is not her time.
Then there was silence.
-
Sana fears.
There is no sound. There is no space. She’s floating into nothingness.
But there’s a thread. There are many, truthfully, but only one catches her attention.
Thin and red, about to split. She holds it tight.
Then comes a voice.
She wonders how such a powerful being can have such a comforting voice.
What do you want, small human? It’s deep and powerful, calm and sad as it surrounds Sana like a warm blanket. She never thought a god could feel so much sadness.
I want her to live.
There’s a moment of silence. Sana can’t tell if it’s a second, a minute or a lifetime. Time does not exist here.
Then a light shines right in front of her. She has to shield her eyes for fear of going blind.
When the brightness subsides, she is able to look.
She’s surprised, to say the least.
Sana never had faith in gods. They were too big, too powerful. Heard the prayers of thousands of people everyday yet they remained distant, far away. The thought that her prayers were answered pass quickly through her mind. She does not question it for the moment. People depicted gods as larger than life.
The person in front of her was none of that.
It was a girl, smaller than her, with skin as white as snow and three moles doting her face. Her long black hair blocking part of her face. The simple black dress blended with the darkness that surrounded them.
If her eyes didn’t carry the weight of so many lives, Sana would say the girl was younger than her. She knew better.
What are you willing to give in exchange?
Sana thinks. Her sword is stained with blood. Her armor not worth more than a few mere pieces of gold.
She drops it all to the ground. Steps out of her ragged and stained clothes and lets the darkness surround her naked frame.
Her knees hit the ground. Let her live her life by my side. The eyes of the goddess look down on her. Let her live and I will be yours forever.
The hand that the touches her head is warmer than she expected. Softer too. Sana doesn’t understand the look on the goddess’s face. She doesn’t question it.
Are you sure?
Sana can only nod.
The hand that was in her head goes down to her chest, over her heart.
She’s back to the battlefield.
-
The first thing she notices is that Momo is breathing.
There a whole in her leather armor, dirtied and bloodied, but the skin underneath is healed.
She’s sitting up, laughing about something that was said by one of their adventurer friends.
The arrow is laying forgotten by her side. She stumbles over it as she goes to hug Momo.
Momo groans in surprise, the impact making her fall back as Sana peppers her dirty face with kisses.
“I thought I had lost you.”
“Never Satang” Momo kisses her lips “I’ll be with you forever.”
Sana wonders if she made a mistake.
-
“You feel cold” Momo whispers by her neck, pulling her closer to her warm body.
This would usually make Sana’s heart rush and send tingles down her body.
But ever since the morning her heart hasn’t beaten.
“I’m not sure what you did” Momo’s arm circle her waist “but I was gone for a moment. And then I was back. And I could only hear a voice telling me this was destiny coming together” the arms hold her tighter “I don’t know what happened, but I’m eternally grateful.”
Sana hums, doesn’t know what to say.
She knows, however, she would do this again in a heartbeat if it happened again.
She prays that they can be happy.
-
Sana sees her in her dreams.
She’s in the same dark place, surrounded by thousands of red threads.
Momo’s thread is back to being strong and healthy. Attached to hers.
It makes Sana breathe a little easier.
Was it worth it, small human?
Sana is confident in her answer. The goddess only smiles.
-
As time passes, her confidence wavers.
Momo is growing old, a few hairs turning grey and wrinkles around her eyes.
Sana doesn’t look a day over twenty.
They don’t talk about it.
-
What’s your real name?
They are sitting side by side; the threads surround them like a spider’s web. Sana doesn’t feel trapped. She feels home.
It’s a name long out of use. There’s no reason for you to know it.
Sana shoves her shoulder lightly. Some would consider it sacrilegious, to treat a god like this. Sana considers it natural. She wonders if she’s going crazy.
I’ve gave you my life! And it’s been years. She’s whining to god, unbelievable. Come on! Let me know, I won’t tell anyone!
The name is whispered in her ear. It makes all the little hairs in her body stand up.
She doesn’t know if it’s because she now knows a secret no one else does or if it’s due to the hot breath tickling her ear.
She chooses the first option.
-
Momo is starting to forget.
Her once black luscious hair is now short and gray.
The wrinkles run deep in her skin.
Sana thinks she’s as beautiful the day they first met. Momo doesn’t remember it.
She tells her the story as if it had happened not a day ago.
Two young teens alone in the world. Hungry and desperate. For food, for touch, for anything. She tells Momo how she had seen her picking the pockets of richer men, dancing through the crowds unnoticed, almost. Sana had noticed and she couldn’t stay away.
She tells her it was difficult to gain her trust, that Momo doubted every word that came out of Sana’s mouth, so she had to show her with actions. Momo laughs and a light blush dusts her cheeks and Sana falls in love all over again.
She also tells her about her goddess, Mina.
She knows Momo won’t remember her name and even if she does, she won’t tell anyone.
Their visitors have been few and far between lately. Their friends were growing old. She had seen their threads, fragile and barely hanging. Had cut some of them herself as requested by her goddess.
She tells everything to Momo.
Momo tells her she’s glad Sana will have someone by her side.
Her weak hands hold Sana’s strong ones.
Trembling fingers wipe her tears as Momo asks her to be the one.
-
The thread is fragile, thinner than anything Sana has ever seen.
Are you sure you want to do this?
She holds it carefully. Can feel the slightest pulse in it.
Her breath catches and her eyes water again.
Can’t I go with her?
Mina walks closer, puts her hand over Sana’s.
This is destiny, Sana.
The thread is pulled.
It’s the first time she calls Sana by her name.
It cannot be changed.
Sana is sent back to their room.
Holds Momo’s lifeless body as she cries.
The weight of Mina’s hands on her shoulders brings her little comfort at the moment.
She realizes much later Mina had stepped out of her domain for the first to be with her so she wouldn’t bury Momo by herself.
-
Grief is heavy and its weird.
She loses sense of time.
She looks in the mirror and sees the same image from decades ago.
Mina hasn’t come to her in dreams ever since.
Sana never felt so restless.
She wonders if Mina feels like this.
-
How do you do it?
Things went back to normal. Sana’s grief is still strong but she has a debt to pay.
She prays before she sleeps and the darkness surrounds her like an old friend.
Do what? Mina is next to her, so she lays her head on her shoulders.
The horizon is infinite, filled with threads of different people living in different times.
Mina controls the past, the present, the future.
Sana doesn’t quite get it. She knows she has time to learn.
How can you stand to be alone in here?
There’s a moment of silence, much like when they first met. Mina’s fingers brush over hers. She stares ahead.
I take from life, it’s what I do. But I gave life to your lover and took yours in exchange. Mina removes her hand from Sana’s and stands up. I’m sorry it had to be you.
Mina is about to walk away when Sana holds her arm.
I gave you my life willingly, Mina, you didn’t take anything. I don’t resent you for that.
Mina scoffs.
Mina, you gave me everything I asked. I got my time with Momo, time that I wouldn’t have without you. Sana interlaces their fingers. And now I got eternity with you. You said it was destiny, let me fulfil it with you.
-
Sana fulfils her promise. She does what Mina tells her.
While Mina stays in her domain, carefully threading the threads of life, she sends Sana down to earth.
People have started referring to her as the Angel of Death. Her reputation was good, known as presence of peace brought on people’s last few moments. She was sent to the ones in most destress, to assure they would go in peace.
She was excited to see her name mentioned in books. Mina told her that the illustrations didn’t do her justice. Sana wondered how she could blush without a heartbeat.
-
Sometimes Sana thought about Momo.
Her work was hard and left her busy, but sometimes her thoughts wondered.
Her sadness had lessened. Thinking of her lover now only brought happy memories.
She had asked about an after life to Mina a few months after Momo was gone.
The girl hard only replied humans would simply be gone, from flesh and bones to stardust.
Nothing after that.
Sana found herself looking up at the stars whenever she could.
She would always look at a specific start, one that seemed to shine the brightest. She’d ask it questions as if it could respond; she would take a twinkle as a yes, and if it shone steadily as a no.
Sometimes Mina would sit with her and they would stargaze together, their pinks intertwined.
Would you be mad if I moved on? She thought in her head, looking at the star.
And she looked on for minutes, but it didn’t twinkly once. No.
Sana squeezed Mina’s hand so the goddess would look at her.
Her pale face shinned under the moon and star light.
Sana’s heart felt full again.
“You are beautiful”
And she leaned forward.
Her lips were soft and so was the kiss.
They had eternity together. They could take things slow.
Leaning her hand on Mina’s shoulder, she looked up again.
The star twinkled incessantly.
She feels at peace.