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Haru has passed through 11.111 mornings so far, and he still can’t get used to it.
Early morning Haru has his own routine. He wakes up to the blaring sound of his alarm, one hand flails around the direct vicinity of his nightstand, trying to turn the shrill off and probably gets several more minutes to sleep. To no avail, of course. Haru eventually rolls off (reluctantly) his bed, murmuring something about how morning comes too fast. He’ll drag himself sluggishly to the kitchen still half-asleep, bumping at least one body part against a piece of furniture, usually followed by loud cursing and pained groan. No matter how familiar he is with the layout of his apartment, he’s basically a blind zombie before his morning coffee.
He waits for his coffee with a blank look on his eyes, willing himself not to fall asleep standing. Haru’s had enough of faceplanting on his dinner, he doesn’t want to faceplant on boiling water. Then he’ll sit on his dining chair with a scalding cup of coffee in front of him, still looking like a zombie. Only after finishing his coffee does Haru finally feels more like himself. If he wasn’t too exhausted from the day before, he’d go out on a morning run before shower and breakfast.
Weekends usually treat Haru with less harshness, with him able to turn off his alarm and go back to sleep until an undetermined time, depending on his previous five days. He’ll wake up around noon less looking like a zombie, but too disoriented to tell the time and day. At least he won’t stub his toe or bump his shoulder on the doorframe when he trudges to the kitchen.
The fact that Daisuke occasionally spends the night in his apartment doesn’t change much about his early morning routine.
Four months into their unique aka their friends-with-benefit-and-future-lover relationship, Daisuke had suggested they spend some nights together, either at Haru’s apartment or at Daisuke’s mansion. After their first sexual relationships three months ago, they rarely spent nights together. Oh, they still have sex like rabbits on weekends when they're not too busy or tired, but spending the nights in another purpose than having sex? Nope. Never.
When Daisuke first suggested it, Haru got all defensive and immediately rejected the idea. For many reasons, of course. Daisuke didn’t push him too much, but he asked Haru again the next day. Haru still rejected it. He asked again the next day. Haru rejected him. Rinse and repeat. He kept doing that for a week, until Haru felt like he almost exploded from frustration. He had no choice but to accept, else Daisuke would repeat the same question every single day like a broken record.
Of course, accepting it didn’t mean Haru immediately agree to all Daisuke’s whims. For starter, he’s still wary of staying at Daisuke’s mansion, thus their so-called sleepover was always done on Haru’s apartment. Their first sleepover night, Haru got too embarrassed and yelled at Daisuke to sleep on the couch, which was pretty funny for Daisuke since they already shared a bed multiple times after sex. Daisuke then did what Daisuke thought would be the best, exhaust Haru completely by sex until the latter had no choice except letting Daisuke slept on his bed.
(That wasn’t exactly what Daisuke had in mind, though… Oh, well, it’s better than to sleep on Haru’s couch.)
Surprisingly, the sleepover was… normal. Even without the sex part, it was still normal. And strangely, comfortable enough for Haru that he asked Daisuke first if he wanted to sleep at his place or not. Haru’s early morning routine didn't change much, only with several differences that he could brush off easily.
Like waking up next to Daisuke, for example. Haru’s bed is a bit of a snug fit for two fully-grown adults, and yet he still wakes up with enough space to not roll off the bed. Daisuke is always so still when he sleeps, rarely moves too much, unlike Haru who is more of a restless sleeper. They’re not cuddling or doing any other romantic things like couples in romance novels or movies. They merely sleep together on the same bed, nothing else. Haru only cuddles up close to Daisuke after their sex, when he’s still high from the pleasure. If he's not high from the pleasure he'll just settle in, often with his back facing Daisuke, and falls asleep.
Daisuke never questions him about it, nor forcing him to cuddles or anything else. A part of Haru thinks maybe it was because Daisuke probably lacks the same romantic experience as he is, or romantic novels and movies are not just his cups of tea. Another part of him is really glad that Daisuke respects Haru’s space and a rather slow pace to the progress of their relationship, never forcing Haru to do something Haru doesn’t want. Daisuke is also less forceful than before, considering Haru’s needs and wants first. Perhaps Daisuke took Haru’s ‘take it slow’ in full consideration. It makes him appreciate Daisuke more, honestly.
In the morning, he’d wake up to the usual sound of his alarm, cursing and grumbling under his breath, hitting his shoulder or stubbing his toe on his couch, then he takes his morning coffee. What is slightly different than usual is, he makes two cups of coffee instead. One for himself, and one for Daisuke, who would come out from the bedroom shortly after the coffee was finished. It’s kind of unfair, Haru thinks, seeing Daisuke already look like how he usually is despite the early morning with the exception of his slightly mussed hair and his expensive pajamas. After handing Daisuke his share of coffee, they’d just sit there in silence until Haru is awake enough to proceed with the day.
See? That’s not so different than his usual morning. Often times Haru is just so groggy that he had forgotten about Daisuke’s existence until the latter comes out, startling Haru so badly he almost spills his coffee all over his lap.
And yet, despite his relatively unchanged routine, Haru still couldn’t get used to Daisuke’s presence in the morning, just like how he couldn’t get used to morning even after thirty years. It’s only been a month since their first sleepover, what makes it going to change so easily when he couldn’t even do that for years?
Haru makes Daisuke knows about it. Every. Single. Morning. He’d mutter "I can't get used to this" to Daisuke under his breath. Daisuke’s reaction? An elegant arch on one of his eyebrows, though Haru swears Daisuke is smiling to his coffee.
Daisuke also doesn’t stay every day, nor does he only stays for the weekend. His new presence in Haru’s apartment is always irregular, more often than not, the time when Haru expects him the least. One day Haru would really appreciate Daisuke's presence because it distracts him from the cold emptiness of his apartment and from the dark things inside him that plagues his night. The other day Haru would sigh, but he still let Daisuke enter his apartment nonetheless.
However new all these things are, Haru finds himself comfortable enough with this random pattern. Daisuke, as Haru grows to know more about the man, turns out to be an enjoyable company. There are things that Daisuke doesn’t know, due to his different background, and Haru thinks it’s kind of cute how Daisuke doesn’t know about instant foods or cheap brands of potato chips. Or how Daisuke is still grasping around an old computer game Haru has. Haru happily introduces Daisuke to some snacks Haru likes, or some indie games Daisuke never heard about.
Although sometimes, Haru has to prevent Daisuke from purchasing every single thing that Haru likes, or things Haru says he wants to have. Even when Haru says something looks nice, Daisuke immediately assumes Haru wants to have it. Which can be a problem.
(“Daisuke, Daisuke, look! It’s the newest Oxford model for this season. It looks really good, huh?”
“HEUSC—”
“DAISUKE NO!”)
Other than that, everything is all good and well. Haru likes Daisuke’s presence in his apartment, he enjoys talking about random topics with Daisuke, he enjoys introducing Daisuke to things he missed from his childhood. He knows Daisuke is enjoying it too, from the way his shoulders seem to be less tense when he’s around Haru inside the safety of Haru’s apartment. He still can be annoying, though. Even five months together is not enough time to drill the ‘money isn’t everything’ to Daisuke’s skull, Haru almost gives up with it. Almost.
On the plus side, he gets to look at Daisuke’s handsome, sleeping face every now and then. He gets to see Daisuke’s slightly puffed up cheeks when he’s chewing on Haru’s homemade dinner. He gets a rare, private look of Daisuke post-shower. He gets the chance to ogle Daisuke’s body whenever he can. Oh, and the sex? Awesome. They all worth the pain. Worth the headache Haru often has from trying to reason with Daisuke.
Besides, who says friends can’t ogle each other’s bodies? They had had sex, they’d kissed and made out, they had showered together, slept together… If those were legal, then ogling too, should be legal.
Or more importantly…
…who says friends can’t slowly fall in love with each other?
---OooOooO---
Haru wakes up to an unfamiliar, different kind of ceiling, definitely not his own. It’s light blue, not cream-colored like Haru’s ceiling. Like usual, he’s still a bit disoriented when he wakes up after a long, satisfying sleep. He doesn’t know what day or time it is, or even where he currently is right now, though he knows that the bed underneath him is extremely soft and super comfortable. Far more superior compared to Haru’s own double bed.
The comforter on his chest is warm too, perfect for a cold November day. He's so comfortable, that he can't help but shut his eyes again. Haru wants to just turn on his side and curls deeper into the comforter, snuggling to the soft pillow beneath his head. What kind of pillow it is? It’s so soft and cuddly, as if filled with feathers or down… It must be very expensive, something only Kanbe Daisuke could afford…
…wait a minute, expensive??
Golden eyes snap open in realization.
Oh.
Oohh.
He remembers now. He’s in Daisuke’s bed. Daisuke asked him to stay at Daisuke’s mansion for the weekend, and Haru had agreed, though a bit reluctantly.
The realization is a quite hard kick to fully wake Haru up. Better and faster than his usual coffee.
So the light blue ceiling he saw when he opened his eyes previously wasn’t exactly a ceiling. It was a light blue velvet curtain of Daisuke’s bed. Yes, Daisuke’s freaking canopy bed. As if the Wyoming King-sized bed is not enough for Daisuke's rich ass.
Really, Daisuke always sleeps alone. Why would he need a bed that huge?
Haru turns on his left side to see Daisuke still sleeping peacefully beside him. It’s already bright outside, so Haru can get a good look at Daisuke. The sleeping man is on his right side facing him, one hand tucked underneath the pillow and the other lies limp on the bed, only less than a feet away from Haru’s body. Daisuke could have more space with how huge the bed is, and he chose to gravitate closer to Haru. Maybe it’s because of the warmth. Kamei once told him that his body tends to radiate warmth.
Like usual, Daisuke always looks so calm and peaceful in his sleep. A part of Haru wants to reach out and poke his smooth forehead, trying to see if Daisuke would react or something. In two months of their sleepover, Haru never once did that. He’s too afraid he’d wake Daisuke up and the latter would tease him or use it against him. Haru knows he’s being paranoid, too paranoid perhaps.
But the urge… oh, the urge is so strong. Daisuke is just lying there, all limp and free for Haru to touch. Haru’s own hand twitches, itching to touch Daisuke’s skin, to feel the other’s warmth, to grasp that hand and entangles their fingers together. Haru realizes that in all his sexual experiences with Daisuke, there’s something lacking.
Intimacy.
Not the intimacy from the post-sex afterglow. Intimacy because they want and need it. They clutch each other’s hands hard when they’re fucking, but they never tangling their fingers together because they want to feel each other’s warmth. They hold each other close, yet they never cuddle on the couch while watching movies. Except for several special times when Daisuke hold Haru close to comfort him as he broke down crying. They kiss fervently until their teeth clack and their lips are swollen, but they never had morning kiss or goodnight kiss. They sleep on the same bed but never cuddle close to feel the others' warmth.
Long story short, their so-called “intimacy” comes from sex, and sex only. It’s kind of sad, really. Until Haru reminds himself that so far, they’re friends. They’re not lovers, not yet.
Is it weird if he wanted to seek intimacy from his friend? Is it weird to want to touch Daisuke’s sleeping form, to hold his hand, to pull him closer, to bury his face on that soft, dark hair? Is it weird if he wanted Daisuke to embrace him tightly and cuddle together with him like that night when he broke down in front of Daisuke?
Haru quickly shakes his head.
‘Get a hold of yourself, Katou Haru!’
Before he had the chance to do something he’d regret in the future, Haru rolls away from Daisuke, sitting on the edge of the bed. He shivers slightly from the lack of warmth and quickly slips his socked feet inside the slipper. Hugging himself, Haru walks to the bedroom door, intending to make himself (and maybe Daisuke) a mug of coffee. Or not. He has a better choice. A cup of hot chocolate with marshmallow and whipped cream seems nice to warm him up from the inside.
Since he’s already fully awake now, Haru manages to navigate through the huge bedroom without any accident. Perhaps because the room is too huge to be stacked with furniture. Haru lazily scratches his tummy, yawning widely like a bear and opens the door—
“Good morning, Katou-sama.”
—to be greeted by a man in a suit. The man is, Haru tries to recall, one of Daisuke’s butlers. Haru remembers him in the dining hall as they ate dinner last night with Suzue. Haru blinks at the smiling man before him, confusion all over his face. What is he doing in front of Daisuke’s room? Is he waiting for Daisuke to wake up or something? Phew, rich people sure are different.
“Uh… good morning?” Seeing the man in full, neat suit, Haru feels underdressed in his worn pajama pants and an old, soft T-shirt. Even Daisuke in his pajama looks better than him. Then again, everything around Daisuke is spelled as expensive, so…
“It is still early, Katou-sama. May I ask why are you out here? It’s cold here.”
Scratching his nape, Haru answers awkwardly. “Umm… I want to make hot chocolate?" It sounds more like a question than an answer.
“Hot chocolate? Very well, Katou-sama. I’ll bring it to the bedroom later.” The man bows politely, smiling. “Now please, go back inside before you catch a cold, Katou-sama.”
Haru is too baffled to form any proper reply about why couldn’t he make it on his own instead of asking others to do it, so he nods dumbly and returns back to the bedroom. This time he scratches his messy bedhead in confusion, tottering back to the bed because it’s just so damn cold! outside. At least he gets to bury himself again underneath the soft comforter. The brunet climbs back to bed carefully, as to not wake Daisuke up. He curls into a ball, back facing Daisuke, nose nuzzling the soft pillow.
“Ahh, this is heaven…” He mumbles happily, already feeling warm and cozy. He could fall back asleep like this…
“Heaven, hmm?” A hand suddenly wraps around Haru’s waist, startling him to full awareness.
“Daisuke?! You’re awake??”
Daisuke scoots closer to Haru, pulling the latter flush against his chest. He makes a hum of affirmation, burying his face on Haru’s exposed nape, his hot breath sending shivers down Haru’s spine. He’s mumbling something that sounds like ‘just now’. Haru is fully aware of Daisuke’s entire body now pressed on his backside, the position strangely close and… intimate. Haru blushes, pulling the comforter to hide his burning face.
“If I knew you’d really like my bed, I should’ve brought you here sooner.”
“Shut up.”
Daisuke chuckles, and Haru’s body gets hotter, warmer.
“Do you like my bed?”
“Well…” Haru chooses to resign himself to his fate, while still keeping his front intact. “It’s not that bad…”
More humming from Daisuke, and the man’s hand slips inside Haru’s old T-shirt to gently stroke on his tummy with his thumb. Haru shivers again at first, the sensation new and tickling, but quickly adjusts to it. The gentle circles Daisuke rubs on his skin are comforting, almost lulling Haru into a slumber.
“Good. Because if you didn’t like it, I’ll buy a new one that you’ll like.” He sounds serious, though Haru has learned to pick the hint of mirth on his tone. Yet, knowing Daisuke, he probably is serious about buying a new bed if Haru didn’t like his current one. Haru had seen Daisuke purchase even more ridiculous things just to be destroyed.
This close, Haru can feel Daisuke’s heartbeat on his back. The steady thumping is almost as comforting as the thumb rubbing his skin. His mind wanders, is this the intimacy he seeks from Daisuke? Is the sense of calmness and warmth washed over him from a simple thing as Daisuke’s presence on his back the thing lacked in their friendship? If yes, then Haru definitely doesn’t want Daisuke to stop. He wants Daisuke to continue this, and give him more of this. He probably will never get tired of it.
Daisuke is silent behind him, firm pressure on his back, his breath slow and steady. If not for the thumb still rubbing circles on him, Haru would’ve thought Daisuke was asleep.
In fact, Daisuke seems to assume that Haru is the one already asleep. Daisuke tries to pull his hand away, only to have Haru’s hand catches his own and puts it back to where he touches Haru before. Daisuke lifts his head a bit, trying to see Haru’s blushing face. He knows Haru is blushing madly right now because the tip of his ear is red. Too bad Haru already hides his face on the comforter, making it hard for Daisuke to gauge his reaction.
“Don’t stop,” Haru mumbles, almost too faint to hear due to the comforter shoved near his mouth. But Daisuke hears him loud and clear, and he smiles warmly. A smile Haru had never seen on his face before. Since just like Haru, Daisuke too, has a mask on him. A mask he’s still reluctant to put away around Haru.
“Alright,” Daisuke settles himself back to a more comfortable position, still pressed against Haru’s back. He slips one leg between Haru’s legs, tangling both their legs together comfortably. His hand resumes its previous motion, rubbing circles on Haru’s warm stomach. Only this time, Haru’s hand is there too, holding Daisuke in place so he won’t be able to pull his hand away.
“I really, really, really can’t get used to this…” Haru mumbles sleepily, tightening his hold on Daisuke’s hand.
Haru drifts off to sleep a few minutes later, hand going slack on top of Daisuke’s. Daisuke, on the other hand, is still awake. Knowing Haru won't be able to hear him, Daisuke replies to his usual complaint.
“It’s fine, Haru,” Daisuke whispers. “If it kept you curious enough to be back here, then I don’t mind if you’d never get used to me.”
‘Anything to keep you by my side.’ is left unsaid.
Little does Haru know, Daisuke was already awake by the time Haru started to wake up. Daisuke is a light sleeper, it’s easy to wake him up. But of course, Haru doesn’t know this. In these past two months they had spent sharing a bed, Haru thought Daisuke was still asleep, when he’s in fact, already awake. Daisuke is just that good at pretending to be asleep, so he could gauge Haru’s reaction to him sleeping.
Thus, when Haru was having a debate with himself whether he should touch Daisuke or not, Daisuke was already awake and fully aware of it. Daisuke knows he’s deceiving Haru. However, if he revealed this to Haru, the latter probably would get angry and smack him with a pillow. Or something harsher than that. Daisuke doesn’t want that. Not when he knows Haru is still skittish and wary around him, like a little kitten. He doesn’t want Haru to push him away.
Inside, Daisuke really hopes he won’t need to keep this pretense any longer. It might take a while, but Daisuke is willing to wait. If that meant he could spend every morning with Haru like this, a little waiting is worth it.
Pulling Haru closer to his chest, Daisuke nuzzles his face on Haru’s messy hair. Haru makes a soft snuffling noise, which squeezes Daisuke's heart. He closes his eyes, allowing himself to be surrounded by the warmth and Haru’s smell. Sleep comes easy to him, with how comfortable he is, both his body and his heart.
‘One day, Katou Haru. One day.’
He falls asleep with Haru in his mind, around him.
‘One day this will be part of our morning routine together.’