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namjoon sighs quietly, sitting down on the stool near his spot, in front of the many, many bottles of alcohol. he pulls his phone out of his pocket, opening the messenger to reply to his unread messages. just as he’s about to close his phone, a short man interrupts him.
“yah.” the cat-like man flicks his forehead, making namjoon get up instantly, “you don’t get paid to sit around doing nothing, do you?”
namjoon blushes, embarrassed that his boss caught him slacking. he pouts, trying to get the man to be blinded by his cuteness, “i'm sorry, yoongi-hyung. but, can you really blame me? we barely have any customers today.”
“first of all,” yoongi raises his eyebrow, “that cuteness isn’t going to work on me, so drop it. second of all, just because we have a slow day, doesn’t mean you can be on your phone your entire shift!”
“sorry!” namjoon puts his hands up in defence, “i’ll focus now, i promise.”
“good.” yoongi grins, ruffling his hair before walking away.
it’s been an year and a half since he’s been working at this bar, working to not have to live by the ‘broke college student’ label through the entirety of his university life. at first, the neon lights and the loud music used to bother him; he’s never been the party kind, always one to choose to stay in with a warm cup of coffee, being the home-body he is.
but, nowadays, he’s more than used to the flashiness of the bar, and sometimes, he finds himself enjoying the carefree energy he experiences. the place is rather well known – for university students and middle-aged people alike, since it’s not too expensive, but it doesn’t dial down on the quality either.
namjoon only started working here as a waiter, simply assisting the customers who were there for the restaurant part of the club, along with the odd job of loading the dishwasher and cleaning up every so often. when he befriended yoongi, the manager of the place, is when he started expanding his work to bartending.
yoongi is a trained mixologist by profession, which sometimes made namjoon wonder what he was doing in here – the man could probably use his skill someplace else, where he’d make a lot more money. but, the university student figured that there was something special about the place that made yoongi stay.
the elder had been the one to teach him about the art of bartending, and namjoon, the quick learner that he is, adopted the skills relatively fast.
now, an year later, he stands behind the counter, waiting for more people to arrive with a bored look on his face. his fingers itch to reach into his pocket and grab that phone again – scroll mindlessly through it – but he knows, yoongi has mentioned it once to him, and he doesn’t want to upset said man, by not abiding to what he said.
he’s getting distracted, he knows that, his eyes are trained on a bottle of expensive rum, and he can’t look away from the auburn liquid, head tilted as he studies it for no reason in particular.
“are you – you’re the bartender, right?”
the voice startles him and he jumps a little, looking up to stare at a man seated on one of the bar stools, looking expectantly at him. he’s almost convinced he’s seen this person in a shoujo manga sometime.
“yeah – uh, yes. that’s my bad. how can i help you?”
“do you guys happen to have chartreuse?”
namjoon chokes on his own spit, surprised that this man – who couldn’t be older than twenty-five – order a chartreuse.
“yes, uh,” he pauses, “are you sure you want that? i don’t mean to be rude, but – “
the man let’s out a little chuckle, waving his hand, “no, you’re good. i really do want chartreuse. i know i don’t look like someone who’d want to, but i'm sure. really.”
“right,” namjoon drawls, “my bad. i didn’t mean to question you, or anything,”
“it’s okay,” the other laughs, “seriously. i'm not offended.”
“still,” namjoon coughs, blushing a little, “i’ll just get it for you. we usually keep that kind of stuff in the back, so.”
the man nods, and namjoon disappears to the liquor closet they have in the back, pulling a bottle of chartreuse. he goes back to the front, grabbing a glass and pouring the green liquid out into it. the herbal stench makes him scrunch his nose, and he assumes the guy notices that.
“i'm not particularly a fan, either.” he shakes his head, “just need something strong for tonight.”
“ah, i see. it’s one of those nights,” namjoon nods, “well, by all means, go ahead. seriously, i'm really not one to judge.”
“had some wild stories, or what?” he laughs, taking a sip of his drink.
“something like that,” namjoon shrugs, “i mean, college is hard. i hope you’re doing okay, though...uh…”
“seokjin,” the man clarifies, “my name is seokjin. thanks for the concern, really. i’ll be okay.”
namjoon gives him a comforting smile, “either way, i'm right here. if you need a refill or a new drink, just ask for me.”
“i will, mr. you-haven’t-given-me-your-name-yet,”
“it’s namjoon,” he laughs lightly, “enjoy the night, seokjin.”
the number of customers keeps increasing as the night goes by, and namjoon barely has time to spare seokjin a glance. the customer hasn’t asked for anything ever since that one glass of chartreuse, and namjoon almost forgets that he was present, at all.
as more people make their way over to the dance floor, namjoon sees a new guy take a seat beside seokjin; he’s frantic, panting and sighing, but seokjin only looks disappointed. he’s got a small smile on his face, like he’s been in this position too many times, and namjoon wonders if this new guy plays any part in that chartreuse of his.
namjoon doesn’t usually try to eavesdrop on other’s conversations – but, with his close proximity to all the customers, it’s kind of hard not to drop in a listen.
the man next to seokjin calls for him, and namjoon shifts his attention to him, smiling softly. “can i get you something?”
“just a round of shots, please,” he gives him a stressed smile, forced around the corners.
“alright. i can open a tab for you, is that okay?”
“that’d be perfect, thank you.” he sighs, before turning to seokjin, “add his drink to my tab too, please.”
“no, keep it separate, namjoon.”
the other guy frowns, giving seokjin an annoyed look, “no, namjoon, add his drink to my tab.”
“jeongguk, stop it,” seokjin groans, resting his head on the table, “i don’t need you to fucking pay for me, i can do that myself.”
“it’s the least i can do, seokjin,” jeongguk whispers, holding seokjin’s shoulder tenderly.
“the least you can do is be on time,” seokjin snaps, and jeongguk’s face crumbles.
“i was – “ jeongguk takes in a deep breath, “i was with my dad. i told you, i'm sorry.”
namjoon hears seokjin sigh, letting out a bitter laugh, “and haejan was there, too, wasn’t she?”
jeongguk grows quiet, and namjoon stares at them awkwardly. “so,” he coughs, “should i add your drink to the tab, or no?”
“just do it,” seokjin speaks quietly. his eyes drift to jeongguk’s, who looks bored and annoyed.
“alright,” namjoon nods, taking jeongguk’s credit card, “can i get you anything else, seokjin?”
jeongguk whips his head to seokjin, staring at him with an angered expression.
“just a glass of water should be okay, thank you.”
namjoon smiles, walking to the displayed liquor to grab the bottle of absolut. behind him, he can hear a hazy, why the fuck does he know your name, and the tone of his voice makes namjoon shudder.
he places the set of shots in front of jeongguk, and the boy drowns them down his throat in record speed. by the time he’s done fetching a glass of water for seokjin, said man is already done with his third one.
as namjoon gives seokjin the water bottle, jeongguk, who looks a little tipsy by now, is shifting in his seat to face seokjin, holding his face in his hands, “i love you,” he says, in a voice between a whimper and a yell, pressing a wet, sloppy kiss to seokjin’s lips.
under the neon lights, seokjin blushes a gentle pink, which makes jeongguk giggle like a little child. his attention then shifts back to his shots, and he drinks the other three, as well.
when namjoon is done attending to another customer, he can see jeongguk calling for him. the shot glasses are now empty, and if the bartender isn’t wrong, he can see seokjin holding the boy’s hand.
jeongguk is very enamoured by seokjin, namjoon notices. every time he looks at seokjin, his eyes twinkle and his voice shines, he’s got a glow on his face, and, even though namjoon hates to be nosy, he can’t help but wonder what exactly these two are.
“can i get another round of – “ jeongguk chuckles, swaying in his seat, “shots!”
namjoon turns to seokjin tentatively, “is he… can i like, get him the round? will he be okay?”
“he’ll be fine,” seokjin smiles gently, carding his fingers through jeongguk’s hair.
namjoon nods, trusting the man. he grabs the bottle of vodka again, beginning to pour them out into some shot glasses, in front of namjoon.
“seokjin-ah,” jeongguk mumbles, cupping seokjin’s face, “my pretty, pretty, seokjinnie. you are so beautiful, so pretty,” he gasps, leaning forward with his hands in seokjin’s hair, he places his lips against the other.
“gukkie,” seokjin whispers, pulling him away, “you’re going to get engaged, now. you can’t kiss me like that, anymore.”
namjoon chokes on his own spit, a little bit of vodka dribbling out of the glass. if seokjin heard him, he doesn’t bring it up.
namjoon watches jeongguk pull away, his bottom lip wobbling, “i'm going to leave her.”
seokjin laughs, and it has that bitter undertone to it, “you can’t do that, jeongguk.”
“i can, and i will!” jeongguk declares boldly, getting off his seat, “i'm – gonna leaver her. tell appa about you. i'm gonna – gonna marry you instead. my ring will look so much prettier on you, seokjinnie.”
“don’t say such non-sense, jeongguk.” seokjin scoffs, his adams apple bobbing. namjoon thinks he might cry.
“my love isn’t non-sense!” he yells again, and a few customers turn to look their way, “my love isn’t non-sense, why don’t you understand that? i would do anything for you!”
seokjin stares at him, before looking away, “it’s… too late for that, now. you can’t just – you can’t up and leave your family, jeongguk. i'm – i'm not… i'm not worth it.”
“it’s like you have no faith in our relationship. no faith in me.”
“and how am i supposed to, jeongguk?” seokjin snaps, “you’ve done nothing but feed me lies. you just – fuck, gguk, you say these big things but you… you’re so weak,”
jeongguk crumbles, the wetness of his eyes dribbling down his face, he cries softly, leaning in to seokjin’s touch, “i'm sorry, jin-ah. i'm so sorry. i'm sorry i'm not brave.”
“please don’t apologise,” seokjin whispers, voice shaky, “i'm sorry, i'm so sorry, i shouldn’t have said that. you don’t deserve it, jeongguk. i just –“
he sniffles, “i just need one thing from you. treat haejan well, okay? she’s a good girl.”
“but she – “ jeongguk swallows thickly, “but she’s not you, seokjin.”
“it’s too late to wallow on the past,” seokjin speaks, his voice tired, “treat her well. and let me go, jeongguk-ah. it’s the best for – “
“we are not something of the past,” jeongguk snaps, “we are not – it’s not over, yet. i'm not letting it get over. i'm not – “
“we’re done for, jeongguk,” seokjin chuckles, “it’s done, you’re getting engaged. there’s nothing we can do. just… just let me go, jeongguk. give me time to heal. time…time away from you. so i can – i can move on,”
“how can you expect me to do that?” jeongguk glares, “huh? is it that easy for you, seokjin? all those – those words you said, those nights we spent together you just – how can i – i can’t just forget, seokjin!” he exclaims, sniffling, “i can’t let you forget. all my life, we’ve been there for each other, how can you just – “
“i need to, jeongguk.” seokjin whispers, “gguk i – you have haejan. even if you don’t love her, you have her. and i don’t – i don’t have anyone, jeongguk. it’s just best for both of us, love.”
jeongguk stares at him, and he moves a piece of hair from seokjin’s eye, “just – just one night, seokjin. just let me have you for this one night. and i’ll let you go. i won’t – won’t bother you. never talk to you again, unless it’s on your terms. just one night, jin. that’s all i need. just one night.”
seokjin looks like he’s about to cry, but it’s been a few minutes since namjoon poured the liquor out, and he wonders if the duo even wants it anymore. namjoon coughs awkwardly, shy hue coating his cheeks, “are you guys going to be drinking these? if not i can…”
jeongguk is looking at him like he’s crazy, a disgusted look on his face; namjoon regrets ever interrupting their conversation. he groans, looking away from the bartender and fisting his hair again, before pressing his lips to seokjins. the other boy doesn’t hesitate in kissing back this time, letting jeongguk have his way with him.
only when jeongguk pulls away, is when seokjin stops kissing him, pulling away breathless, with his cheeks red. “just one last night.” he mutters, and jeongguk looks like he won the biggest lottery, pulling seokjin up from his seat to drag him to the nearest washroom.
namjoon feels like he’s part of a drama, and he needs to shake his head, thinking that he’s going crazy. he only has ten more minutes till his shift ends, and he spends that serving the rest of the customers.
he punches out after ten minutes, pulling his apron off, and putting it in his locker. he grabs his backpack, quickly walking in to the staff room after remembering he left his water bottle there.
he sees yoongi in there, sitting on the table and eating a cake. he grins, walking up to the elder and ruffling his hair. the man let’s out an annoyed sound at the back of his throat, rolling his eyes and looking at namjoon, who plops down in the empty seat in front of him.
“what are you still doing here, hyung?” namjoon asks, taking the metal fork from his hand, and eating a bite out of the cake. yoongi doesn’t respond, and when namjoon looks up again, he’s got a tiny, furious, blush at his cheekbones, and he refuses to make eye contact with namjoon.
namjoon tilts his head, confused as to why he was acting this way, before his eyes crinkle in realisation, and he bursts out in laughter, “oh my god, you really wanna see that guy, huh?”
“he only comes in around this time,” yoongi grumbles, “i can’t see him anytime else.”
“alright, then, i won’t judge,” namjoon chuckles, “but moving your shifts like this, hyung? so unlike you.”
“he just – “yoongi groans, “i just wanna talk to him, okay?”
“i just wanna talk to him,” namjoon repeats in a childish voice, “sure, you do. isn’t he like fifty or something?”
“thirty-five,” yoongi scowls, “he might as well have a wife, joon. you’re like… totally blowing things out of proportion.”
“alright, alright, i’ll stop,” namjoon takes another bite of the chocolatey goodness, “but he’s rich, right? huh, are you looking for a sugar daddy, hyung?”
yoongi groans, reaching to slap namjoon. the younger, startled by this, moves in defence, dropping the cake on his hoodie. “oh shit.” he widens his eyes, quickly getting up to go to the washroom. he yells yoongi a hasty goodbye, walking out.
he instantly goes to the tap, pouring a little bit of water on the blue cloth. thankfully, the stain comes off relatively easy, although his hoodie is just wet now. he walks to grab a few tissues to dry the cloth out, only to find the dispenser empty. nonetheless, he walks to the back of the washroom, where the supply closet with all of this stuff usually is.
as soon as he nears close to the back, he sees seokjin – from before – pressed up against the wall, his head thrown back as a man, who namjoon can only assume is jeongguk, presses aggressive kisses down his neck. he let’s out a scandalized noise at the back of his throat, which startles seokjin. his eyes fly open, and he locks eyes with namjoon. he quickly pushes jeongguk away, who refuses to let go.
“i'm sorry!” namjoon yells, “i just – needed to grab some tissues, ah, please go on – “
“stop yelling oh my fucked god,” jeongguk interrupts, glaring at him, “fuck, is that the bartender, seokjin? what’s he – “
“jeongguk!” seokjin gasps, slapping his shoulder lightly. he stares at namjoon again, blushing, “i am so sorry, we were just about to leave, i pro – “
“no! no – “ namjoon coughs, “i was the one who interrupted, uh. you – um, continue, you guys i'm just – “
jeongguk looks like he’s actually about to continue, and seokjin groans from embarrassment, buttoning up his blue shirt. namjoon grabs the tissues from the closet as quickly as he can, fumbling with the lock. he gives the other two men an uneasy smile, before rushing out of the washroom.
he reaches the parking lot, and he feels his cheeks heat up from the entire situation. he leans against his car, huffing softly. really, how is it that he ends up in situations like this?
just as he’s about to get in, he hears a yell of his name.
as he turns around, he sees seokjin jogging towards him, jeongguk trailing behind. he groans inwardly, not really interested in interacting with the men anymore.
“namjoon!” seokjin pants, and he still looks embarrassed, “i'm so – i'm so sorry, i know we’ve bothered you enough but, uh. i just – fuck, can you just help me out, one last time?”
namjoon swallows the whine that is about to leave his mouth, and he gives the boy a tight-lipped smile, “i guess. what’s the issue?”
“we…” he coughs, as jeongguk has an arm wrapped around his neck, massaging him, “neither of us have a car… or a phone – “
“seokj –“
“i know it’s stupid,” seokjin mumbles, “it’s very stupid of us but we’re kinda. stuck? we don’t really have a way to get back home,”
“right,” namjoon drawls, before smiling again, “it’s okay, it happens.”
no, it doesn’t happen. only an idiot would leave the house without a phone, in this era.
“i’ll help you out, s –“
“thank you,” he let’s out a noise of relief, and it almost looks like he’s about to hug namjoon, jeongguk’s tight grip on his waist being the only thing stopping, “thank you so much, honestly. i owe you one.”
“if you could just,” seokjin says, “get us an uber, or something, that’d be great.”
“uber’s don’t usually come here…” namjoon mumbles, “i’ll try, but is there someone you can call? so they can take you home?”
jeongguk tenses beside seokjin, and the latter notices that. he rubs jeongguk’s shoulder comfortingly, “no, uh. we don’t – no one at this hour, uhm. sorry.”
“it’s alright,” namjoon sighs, and he figures that the fact that the both of them are literally cheating on jeongguk’s fiancée, is the reason why no one can come pick them up.
“are you sure an uber won’t be able to come? if it’s a struggle, it’s okay, we’ll fig – “
“do you,” namjoon inhales, giving up, “do you just want me to drop you off?”
seokjin’s eyes widen and he splutters, jeongguk is frowning, and namjoon wonders what’s wrong with the guy, “you’d – you’d do that?”
“yes,” namjoon shrugs, “it’s getting late, an uber will take long to come. i’d rather just drop you off, really.”
“thank you so much,” seokjin beams, “really, namjoon, thank you. it’s such a help. i – “
“hyung, we get it.” jeongguk scowls, “we’re thankful, he got it. you don’t need to say it a billion times.”
seokjin rolls his eyes, but he’s got a stupidly fond smile on his face.
namjoon thinks he might pass out.
“take a seat,” he motions, pressing the unlock button on his key to open the car. seokjin has a hand on jeongguk’s lower back, as he guides the boy into the back seat. namjoon assumes seokjin is going to sit at the back as well, and he finally opens his own door to take a seat.
“could you put the address in the gps?” namjoon asks, handing him his phone. seokjin enters the address, and no other words are exchanged between them.
the drive is only thirty minutes long, and it’s just jeongguk trying to mount seokjin the entire time. namjoon can tell that his patience is wearing thin – and he doesn’t know if that means seokjin is finally going to give in, and they’ll end up having sex in the backseat of his car, or if seokjin is going to kick jeongguk out of the car.
when they reach the building, namjoon has to supress a literal moan from leaving his mouth – the complex looked like a dream, it was modern but not alienated, with just the hint of a class elegance to it. then, he realises, that he probably has some sort of millionaires sitting in the backseat of his 2015 honda accord, and that fear of judgement is beginning to crawl up his chest.
but, in all honesty, namjoon should be the one judging the two men – not only are they irresponsible, erratic, and rude (that read more towards jeongguk, but oh, well.), they’re also indulging in infidelity!
he sighs, shaking his head to rid himself of these trivial thoughts. right now, all he needs is, is an aspirin, and at least fifteen hours of sleep.
“can you, uh – “ seokjin stutters, “just go in through the back exit, please.”
namjoon raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t comment on that statement – simply taking a u-turn to reach the back entry of the building. he knows he shouldn’t judge people, but he can’t help but be filled with images of jeongguk’s fiancée, probably getting her heart broken. and to the great extent they’re going, in order to cover it up, is simply appalling.
seokjin gives him directions so that they’re reaching the basement parking instead, and the man quickly punches a code on the biometrics for the entrance.
namjoon parks in front of the elevator, and seokjin quickly unbuckles his seatbelt, jeongguk following after him. seokjin walks out of the car to stand in front of namjoon’s window, and the bartender rolls the glass down.
“thank you so much, honestly.” seokjin blushes, “you didn’t have any reason to help us, and you did. it means a lot.”
“it’s no problem,” namjoon gives him a tired smile. seokjin looks genuinely apologetic, and namjoon figures this was kind of out of character for him. keeping the whole cheating thing aside, he’s sure seokjin is a great guy.
“i was hoping if i could, um,” he shifts on his feet, “if i could get your number? i'm sorry, i just feel really bad and – “
seokjin shrieks, and before namjoon can respond, react, breathe, jeongguk has seokjin over his shoulder, carrying him into the building.
in the distance, as they walk away – or, well, as jeongguk walks away, jeongguk slaps seokjin’s ass, and saying what namjoon assumes is something along the lines of, are you fucking kidding me don’t give him your number, don’t take his number, seokjin-ah, seriously, it’s like i need to lock you up, away from everyone. the last thing namjoon hears is a faint i'm sorry, namjoon! before the two men disappear into the building.
the bartender sighs, resting his forehead against his wheel. his head hurts, it’s way past his functioning hours, and he really needs some sleep. he has two classes tomorrow, which he will most definitely not be attending anymore.
he sits like that for a few minutes, contemplating his life. reaching into the glove of his car seat, he rummages through the many bills and trash he has there, hoping to fish out some medicine that he can take. luck seems to be on his side, as he pulls a bottle of what seems to be aspirin. he isn’t fond of swallowing pills dry, and he’s pretty sure if he tries, he can find a water bottle somewhere in the back.
as he turns around to look at the backseat of his car, his eyes lock with a black jacket. he furrows his eyebrows in confusion, he grabs it, the soft texture gracing his fingertips.
and then, he sees the gucci label.
now, of course, as he stares at the jacket, that, in all honesty costs more than his life – he realises that the golden speckles seem oddly familiar. obviously, since jeongguk was wearing it.
“are you fucking kidding me,” he groans, resting his head back on his car seat. his moral compass is ticking, but so is his patience. these two men, they’ve managed to make this the most awkward night of his life. deep inside, he knows that he needs to give the jacket back, but the tired part of his brain is clawing at his insides, telling him that it probably isn’t that important anyways.
he swallows the aspirin dry, and leaves his car.
he didn’t have a game plan in finding which house was seokjin’s, and as he stared at the lift, he realises he really hasn’t thought this through. but, apparently, rich people are kind of stupid; as he walks around the bright lobby, he finds a framed paper with the names and apartment numbers of all the residents.
and apparently, this isn’t even seokjin’s house.
as he stands in the lobby of jeongguk’s apartment, his fingers shaky, he decides that there is no point in hesitating anymore – jeongguk is probably going to punch him for interrupting his and seokjin’s intimate time anyways.
the door opens, and instead of an angry jeongguk, he comes face to face with a short man, who looked rather harmless.
he doesn’t realise he’s been standing there, staring at him, until he coughs, “can i help you?”
“right! uh – “ he licks his lips, “this is jeongguk’s house, right?”
“yes,” the man raises an eyebrow, crossing his arms and leaning on the door, “do i know you?”
“no, um…” he stutters, “i just had to return this jacket to him.”
the shorter guy grabs the jacket, inspecting it before handing it back to namjoon, “alright then, come on in.”
“do you live here?” namjoon asks, trailing behind him.
“yes?” he answers, looking confused, “you do realise that i'm mr. jeon’s household help, right?”
namjoon’s mouth forms an o, and he nods. the man points to a door on the second floor, “look, man. mr. jeon is with seokjin right now, so just be careful. i hope you don’t need anything else, because you woke me up from my sleep. have a good night.” is all he says, before disappearing into some room.
“but –“ namjoon tries to call after him, but it’s useless. he walks up the stairs, before carefully knocking on the door the man pointed to. he hears faint shuffling from inside, and he shifts nervously on his feet.
it takes a few moments, but then the door swings open, with seokjin standing in front of him, in just a robe.
“namjoon?” he asks, “what happened?”
“uhm,” the bartender coughs, “jeongguk forgot his – his, uh – “
before namjoon an finish his sentence, jeongguk is standing behind seokjin, shirtless, as he wraps his arms around his waist. he gives namjoon a deadly glare, and his stutter makes seokjin frown, turning around to see what was wrong.
when he looks at jeongguk, though, the man’s demeanour changes, displaying a big smile, his front teeth making him look like a bunny. the sight makes seokjin giggle, and he presses a quick kiss to his nose.
namjoon’s mouth falls open, gaping like a fish, “you forgot your jacket,” he explains, handing the cloth to seokjin.
“that’s why you’re interrupting us?” jeongguk raises an eyebrow. “for a jacket, of all things?”
“well, yes! it seemed expensive so i – “
“gguk, stop being rude,” seokjin slaps his hand lightly. he takes the jacket from namjoon, smiling gratefully, “you are too kind, namjoon. honestly. thank you so much. we – uh, we’ve bothered you enough, ah – “
jeongguk is a fucking pest.
he’s pressing his mouth against seokjin’s neck, kissing him, which, clearly, has the man pretty hot and bothered, as he struggles to finish his conversation with namjoon.
“it’s okay,” namjoon gives them a tight-lipped smile, “i'm just going to leave, now. you don’t have to thank me so much, jin.”
as soon as he says that, the door is slammed on his face, and he hears a loud thud, followed by breathy moans.
he has never run so fast in his entire life, as he did to leave that house.
+
when he finally reaches home, he can breathe a sigh of relief. the light of the living room are turned down, so he tip-toes quietly into the house till the bedroom.
“joonie?”
he let’s out a startled shriek, turning around to see hoseok standing in the middle of the corridor. he presses his palm against his chest, “holy shit, you scared me.”
hoseok chuckles, walking towards him and clinging to him like a koala. namjoon wraps an arm around his waist, breathing in the scent of his shampoo, “how are you up so late?”
“i had a paper to finish,” hoseok sighs, pressing a kiss to his neck.
“statistics, again?” namjoon asks, laughing softly. hoseok pouts and nods, playing with the hair on the back of his neck, “what about you? you came later than usual.”
namjoon rolls his eyes, pecking his lips, “boy, do i have a story to tell you. can we start getting ready for bed?”
hoseok giggles, before nodding, as they walk into their bedroom. namjoon changes into his shorts and t-shirt, turning the air conditioning on before getting under the covers with hoseok, who was scrolling through his phone.
the elder puts his phone away, lying on the side so they’re both facing each other. his arm wraps loosely around namjoon’s waist, “what happened?”
namjoon closes his eyes, rubbing at hoseok’s hip, “i think i just helped someone cheat.”
“what?” hoseok chokes on his spit, eyes wide.
“yeah, it was so weird,” namjoon says, snuggling further into the sheets, “this one guy came in looking pretty sad. and then another guy came in, and they had this dramatic love confession?”
“in the bar?”
“right in the bar,” namjoon confirms. “and turns out, the second guy has a fiancée! they were like rabbits, oh my god. when i met them again, they were basically about to fuck in the washroom,”
hoseok scrunches his nose in disgust, “isn’t sounding too good to me, joonie.”
“and then, none of them had phones on them, so i had to drop them off to their place,” namjoon sighs, “it was just such an awkward experience. literally never again.”
“your job is so interesting,” hoseok laughs. “all i do is, see kids shit their pants everyday.”
namjoon laughs as well, shaking his head. he pulls hoseok closer by the waist, and the elder swings a leg over his hip, “good night, hoseokie.”
“good night, babe.”
+
“morning, babe!”
“morning, seok,” namjoon grins, placing his phone down and putting it on speaker, “you done with your classes?”
“yep! are you on your way somewhere?”
“yeah,” namjoon nods, “i wanted to grab some food, i'm hungry. the pay-check just came in, and ramen is over at home.”
“i'm getting paid tomorrow!” hoseok giggles, “where are planning on going? maybe i can come with.”
“i haven’t planned anywhere, actually,” namjoon tilts his head, starting his car, “please come! we haven’t gone out of the house in so long.”
“you’re right,” hoseok sighs, “you don’t have any classes today, right?”
“nope,” namjoon says, “so? are you coming?”
“of course. there was this new café i wanted to go to, actually. mingi’s been saying it’s very good.”
“well, if mingi liked it, we really should go,” namjoon chuckles, “how far away is it?”
“uh,” hoseok pauses, “it’s closer to home, maybe a fifteen minute drive? it’s kinda far from uni, though. you mind waiting a little?”
“nope,” namjoon smiles, “i’ll reach and wait. just send me the address, alright?”
“will do! bye, joonie! love you!”
“bye, seok,” namjoon sighs, “i love you, too.”
it’s rather easy to find the café, and as he walks into the cosy place, he realises that it’s like a college student’s wet dream. the place is quiet, but not the awkward quiet – it’s got a certain comforting buzz to it, one that makes namjoon think that studying here would be a pleasant experience. hoseok sends him a text, telling him that he’d take fifteen minutes to arrive, and namjoon decides to order a coffee for himself.
he’s standing in the line for the counter to place an order, and as he reaches the front, he definitely doesn’t expect –
“seokjin?” he asks, eyes wide. said man is standing behind the counter, a brown apron tied around his body. he’s dressed in a black long-sleeved shirt, much different than the blouse he wa wearing the last time they met.
“namjoon?” seokjin gasps, equally shocked, “oh my god, hi!”
“hi,” namjoon says, kind of dazed, “you work here?”
seokjin nods, “yeah, it’s a part-time job, actually.”
no wonder that house wasn’t seokjin’s.
“anyways,” he grins, “what can i get you?”
“right, sorry.” namjoon shakes his head, “uh, i’ll just get an cold brew, please.”
“alright,” seokjin says, punching in the order on the computer, “that’s gonna be five-thousand. you’re gonna be having it here, right?”
“yep,” namjoon confirms, handing him the money, “thanks.”
seokjin only smiles at him, and namjoon moves, walking further into the café. he finds a nice little spot next to a bookshelf, with two chairs and a table, and a pretty view of the hustling streets.
he texts hoseok that he’s reached, and it’s only a few minutes before seokjin is approaching the table, placing his glass of coffee in front of him.
“are you waiting for someone?” jin asks, placing a tissue beside the drink.
namjoon smiles gratefully at him, “yeah, i am. thanks.” he says, gesturing to the coffee.
seokjin grins, “i'm just doing my job. well, i hope you enjoy.”
namjoon nods, warm smile still on his face. his focus shifts to his phone again, beginning to scroll through his social media feed.
“um, namjoon?”
namjoon let’s out a surprised sound, looking up to see seokjin sitting on the chair opposite to his.
“sorry,” jin mumbles, embarrassed pink coating his cheeks, “i…um, wanted to talk to you actually. could you spare a minute?”
“right, uh. sure, sure. why not,” namjoon shrugs, sitting up straighter.
seokjin nods, fiddling with his fingers, “look, whatever happened that – that day at the club, between me and – um, jeongguk it was just – “ he sighs, “it was a drunk thing. i'm sorry you had to witness that, but i’d really appreciate it if you don’t tip off the media about it. i know you haven’t done it all these past days, but i just – “
“media?” namjoon tilts, his head, frowning, “tip the media? about what? is there – am i missing something?”
seokjin stares at him, mouth slightly open. after a few moments, he smiles big, although it looks quite obviously animated, to namjoon. “oh!” he chuckles awkwardly, “i was just – hah! i was just kidding. it was just a joke. don’t take me too seriously. i'm so silly, ha.”
namjoon frowns at him, the latter’s awkward behaviour clearly visible, “so…you randomly joked about me tipping the media about you and jeongguk?”
“yes!” seokjin laughs, forced, “yeah, sorry. i have a tendency to joke around. like i said, feel free to ignore me.”
“right,” namjoon drawls. seokjin seems to be growing more nervous by the minute, and namjoon pities him and his warm face, his tapping fingers and bitten lip. he decides to ignore the feeling inside his chest, that urges him to ask more.
“all fun, then,” namjoon grins, “it was a good joke.”
a wave of relief splashes over said boy, and he let’s out a little chuckle – one that doesn’t sound as phony as his other ones, “well, what can i say, i'm a good comedian.”
namjoon snorts, “yeah, i bet.”
“are you doubting my skills?” seokjin teases, which makes namjoon let out a quiet laugh. seokjin smiles at him, “one last thing, namjoon. i'm sorry if i'm bothering you,”
“no, it’s alright,” namjoon waves him off, “kinda nice to have some company, anyway.”
“that – “ he sighs, “what jeongguk and i did, that night – it…it seemed bad, i know. but i just – you have every right to judge us, namjoon. but i promise that – we…we’re not bad people and – we, our intent was never to hurt anyone.”
namjoon’s brows furrow, and he leans forward, elbows resting on his table.
“jeongguk and i we – uh, we’re – “ he shakes his head, “actually, it doesn’t matter what we are. bottom line is that, his – um, the fiancée we were talking about is – it’s an arranged marriage,”
“oh.”
“yeah,” seokjin scratches the back of his neck, “jeongguk and i we – we do have history and – “ he huffs, “fuck, i'm sorry, i'm rambling. i just don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”
namjoon nods hesitantly, “i’ll be lying if i said i didn’t judge you guys, just a little,” he lets out an awkward laugh, “even if it’s still not clear to me, as to what happened between the two of you, i’ll take your word for it, seokjin-ssi. besides, i have no business criticizing your life, anyways.”
“yeah. yeah, it’s just that – “ he sighs softly, “i was just having an unpleasant night, and the fact that you helped me it – it’s the little things that remind you that kind-hearted still exist, you know?” he mumbles, “so i just – i didn’t want you to think that we’re one of those shitty people of the world,”
“no, i get it. really, i do,” namjoon nods, “seriously, don’t worry about it.”
seokjin nods, and in his peripheral vision, he can see hoseok walk towards him.
“hey, joon,” hoseok grins, and seokjin immediately gets up from the chair, bowing at the two.
“babe, uh,” namjoon coughs, “this is – um, this is seokjin.”
hoseok tilts his head, staring at the man, who looks equally awkward. “i am so sorry,” he bites his lip, pale pink coating his cheeks, “but i do not remember meeting you. i have really bad memory! i'm so –“
“seok,” namjoon laughs, “you haven’t met him, babe. remember that one night where i came kinda late? yeah, he’s the one i was dropping off.”
“oh,” hoseok responds, eyes wide, “oh, i'm dumb. well, hi, jin! i'm hoseok.”
“hey,” seokjin smiles a little, “it’s good to meet you, hoseok,”
the energetic boy grins, and seokjin pulls out the notepad from the pocket in his apron, “can i get you guys something?”
hoseok takes a seat in front of namjoon, looking at the waiter, “well, i haven’t really looked at what you guys have. what do you recommend?”
“what do you wish to have?”
“i haven’t eaten my breakfast,” he laughs, “so, what do you think i should get?”
“we have this grilled chicken sandwich, that i quite like,” seokjin recommends.
“well, then that’s perfect. get me one of those! and a lemonade, please. you guys do have that, right?”
“we do,” seokjin chuckles, before turning to namjoon, “can i get you something too, namjoon?”
“babe, mingi was recommending this strawberry shortcake they have. wanna get that?” hoseok asks, head tilted.
“wait, mingi?” seokjin asks, “like, song mingi?
“yes,” namjoon nods, “do you know him?”
“oh, yes!” seokjin grins excitedly, “wait, are you that jung hoseok? as in, dancer hoseok? i’ve seen your videos, you’re so good!”
“oh?” hoseok blushes, “i guess i am that jung hoseok. did he tell you about me?”
“yeah,” seokjin confirms, “he comes here very often, and he was telling me about his dance classes, and how good you are.”
“my god,” said boy chuckles, “he’s too sweet, honestly.”
“hoseok’s just being humble,” namjoon giggles, “seriously, he’s amazing.”
“i wouldn’t doubt it.” seokjin grins, “namjoon, can i get you that shortcake?”
“that’d be great, jin. thanks a lot.”
+
when the barista hands him a cup of americano, the sound of protest dies in his throat. this wasn’t his order, but he’s way too awkward to question the barista. if hoseok was there with him, he would’ve gotten the order corrected, but namjoon is too terrified of confrontation to do that.
he bites his lip, walking out of the café. after that one time he visited with hoseok, he’d definitely fallen in love with the place. that meant, seeing seokjin quite often.
now, as he stares at the black coffee, he wonders if he should just dismiss his baby-like taste buds, and drink the bitter, black liquid. he has a paper to submit, and a coffee is much needed. he sits in his car, he puts the green straw into his mouth, taking a tentative sip.
his face contorts into obvious disgust, and he coughs as he forces the strong coffee down his throat, groaning at the taste. it was so bitter – his tongue burned. he definitely couldn’t drink this. if only he had his hoseok with him, he wouldn’t have lost the money.
he puts the plastic cup into the cup holder of his car, turning his car on to drive to the back of the café, where he hopes he’ll find a dust bin. it takes a few moments, but he finds the trash, parking his car. he gets out, cup of coffee in his hand.
opening the big trash can – with much difficulty, he throws the cup in with the other trash, holding his breath to not breathe in the stench. watching the liquid drip down a black bag, his chest burns with the lost money.
he sighs, about to turn around back to his car, before he hears soft whimpers. his eyes grow wide in alarm, because that definitely sounded like a wounded animal. the animal-lover in him grows agitated, and he turns his head around, beginning to search for the source of the sound. he walks along the walls, trying to find the noise, he opens the trash-can again, failing to find any signs of life in there.
he rushes to the other side of the trash –
“seokjin?” he asks, shocked. said man is kneeling next to the green box, his face buried in his hands, as he cries.
he’s startled by the call of his name, and he stands up immediately, wiping furiously at his eyes, “na-namjoon? oh, um, hi!” he fakes his enthusiasm, as if namjoon is supposed to ignore the fact that the boy was just sobbing next to a trash can.
“i…” namjoon swallows, “you were crying?”
“what?” seokjin snorts, sniffling, “no. no! i wasn’t crying. what? where did you get that idea from? ha, namjoon, are you beginning to see things? ah, seriously.” he shakes his head, walking forward. he’s about to leave, but namjoon holds him back with a tug to his wrist.
“jin?” he asks tentatively, staring into said boy’s red eyes, “are you okay?”
seokjin looks at him, and namjoon can feel him crumble at the question – his face red, his bottom lip quivers and his adams apple bobs; one, two moments, before he’s letting out soft cries again. he brings his hands up to his face, wetting his palms.
namjoon, startled, and very bad at comforting people – doesn’t know how to react. his hands awkwardly wrap around his shoulders, patting his back. seokjin is wetting his button-up with his tears, but namjoon doesn’t think it’s a wise idea to tell him to stop.
“i'm not – “ seokjin gasps, “i'm not okay, i keep trying to pretend i am but – namjoon-ah, it just hurts so much,”
namjoon let’s the boy cry, “what happened, jin?”
seokjin doesn’t respond, pulling away from namjoon, his sobbing dissolved into small sniffles. he shakes his head and namjoon looks at him with sorry eyes, “is this...about jeongguk?”
a bitter laugh leaves the shorter boy’s mouth, and he shakes his head, “i'm so fucking stupid.”
“hey, don’t – “ namjoon shrugs, “don’t call yourself stupid. do you wanna talk about it?”
namjoon ends up driving seokjin to a mcdonald’s, he buys the boy a burger and a coke, parking his car in the parking lot. which, is how he ends up here, seokjin playing with the wilted lettuce as he stares at his lap.
“jeongguk and i,” he sniffles, “we’ve known each other a long time.”
namjoon shifts to look at him.
“i don’t come from a rich background.” he shakes his head, “he does. when i was in middle school, i got a scholarship to attend a private school in seoul.” he takes his bottom lip into his motuh, “my family moved, and my mom became a worker in his house. she still works there. she worked so hard, so i could attend. he – he was there, of course. he studied there.”
“and he’s so kind,” he cries, “he’s so kind, and beautiful – he always has been. he’s so easy to love. we used to be best friends,” he smiles fondly, cheeks wet, “we were each other’s firsts. for everything. and it made so much sense – “
“you love hoseok, don’t you?” he asks suddenly, facing namjoon.
the boy nods, and seokjin continues. “you ever – “ he giggles, shaking his head, “you ever looked at him, and just… felt everything fall into place? when it seems like the world is against you, when everything is bad and – “ his voice cracks.
“and you see him smile, and everything suddenly feels alright? that even if the world is against you, at least you have him?” namjoon finishes, whispering softly. seokjin smiles at him through teary eyes, nodding, “yeah. yeah, exactly that.”
namjoon nods, feeling warmth bloom through his chest as he thinks of hoseok; the apple of his eye, his reason to smile – he makes every moment in namjoon’s life worthwhile.
“i’ve known him since i was eleven,” seokjin sighs, “i'm twenty-four now. and nothing has changed, nothing at all. thirteen years later, and i'm still just as much in love.” he smiles fondly, “do you know how amazing it is, for that love to be reciprocated? you know, right? the feeling that – when you know that this person – they…they adore you just as much? it’s phenomenal. it makes me feel like i'm on cloud-nine.”
“right,” namjoon smiles softly, “but…why is he getting married, then?”
seokjin’s body goes rigid, and he let’s out a gentle breath. his fingers play with the fabric of his apron, and he shakes his head, eyes not meeting namjoon’s.
“remember when i told you not to tip off the media?”
when namjoon nods, seokjin continues.
“jeongguk is the son of a businessman,” he gulps, “he…has to take over the company once his father dies. family legacy and all.” he shrugs, “but his father – god,” he scoffs, tone bitter, “that motherfucker is the worst man i’ve known.”
“is he forcing jeongguk?”
seokjin nods, “when jeongguk told me, my world stopped.” a lone tear drips down his eye, “all jeongguk ever wanted, was to please him. and he’s still thriving for just that.”
“so he left his love behind to make his dad proud?”
“don’t say it like that.” seokjin snaps, facing namjoon. “i'm sorry. it’s just – he… jeongguk isn’t in the wrong. i'm not the victim. hanjae – his fiancée – she’s not the victim. it’s jeongguk; it’s always been jeongguk. he’s the only one suffering.”
“that’s…not true,” namjoon shakes his head slowly, afraid that he’ll say the wrong thing, “you’re suffering, as well.”
he lets out a bitter laugh, “he’s suffered through emotional abuse his whole life; i'm crying about a broken heart. it’s not the same.”
“you don’t need to make a comparison, seokjin-ah,” namjoon explains, his voice calm, “you’re suffering. he is, too. there’s not point in comparing who’s suffering more. who suffered more. that’s fickle things that don’t matter. you don’t need to invalidate your pain to validate jeongguk’s, hyung,”
“how can i not feel selfish, namjoon?” seokjin whispers, his voice cracking. “his dad, he –“ he hold his breath, “he’s got this hold over jeongguk. that poor boy he – he learnt growing up that family come first; before his – his own health, happiness and well-being. his mom, his grandparents they… they’re all scary people, namjoon. they’re the wrong people to – to have all this money and power and – “ he gasps, “all they’ve done is abuse it. all their life, all that family has done is abuse their background.”
“seokjin,” namjoon grips his shoulder, “i need you to take a deep breath, okay? please, you need to calm down. please? in and out, yeah, just like that,”
seokjin sniffles, his breathing normalised after a few moments. he looks up at the taller boy again, “am i selfish namjoon? i'm so selfish. it just –“ he swallows thickly, “i'm just tired, joon. i'm tired of being alone. i'm tired of feeling like – like i don’t matter, that i'm not worth, joon i'm just –“
his body racks with every sob, his face buried into his knees. namjoon feels his throat run dry; to be met with such a situation, it’s scary to him. he feels helpless, and he hates feeling helpless. his palms are sweating, and he grips his car seat, letting out a laboured breath.
seokjin probably notices the change in his demeanour, he looks up at the nervous boy, as silent tears drip down his face.
the fact that seokjin isn’t sobbing anymore calms namjoon a little, and he relaxes in his seat, breathing out carefully. they sit in silence, namjoon doesn’t know what to say – if he should say anything, but all he hopes is that seokjin feels better.
“he told me, sometimes.” seokjin sighed softly, playing with the stray of denim on his jeans, “in college, he told me that he’s going to stay with me forever. that he’s going to find a way to – to defy his father, go against his wishes.”
“but it never happened,” he croaks, “was i wrong for thinking it would? maybe.” he shakes his head, wiping his tears. he’s stopped crying now, and the entirety of his face is flushed.
“the worst part of it is that – “ he sighs, “is that, i might’ve made him feel like it was his fault. when it wasn’t. it wasn’t, it isn’t, and it never will be. i just wish he knew that. all my life, namjoon, all my life, all i wanted was to end jeongguk’s misery. to end his pain. to end the constant abuse he suffered but – “
“but i'm a nobody, namjoon. i'm not strong in front of his father. i'm nothing, and i will never be able to be something.” he looks out the window, staring at the parking lot, the evening sun setting in, the pink-ish hue melting into a dark blue. everyone looks happy; and seokjin, too, smiles, “i just hope that i gave him enough love to last a lifetime. that he knows i always loved him, and always will. but, i guess we just weren’t destined to get a happy ending.”
namjoon let’s out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, “so… what now, hyung? what do you do, now?”
seokjin glances at him briefly, before his gaze shifts to the bleeding sun. he rolls the windows down, “it’s…hard, not having him around. today, someone ordered the same coffee that he usually has, and i couldn’t hold it in,” he chuckles, “stupid, right?”
“there’s nothing i can do, namjoon-ah. i told him i needed time to move on, but can i? can i really forget someone who i’ve loved for fourteen years?” he shakes his head, “i don’t think so. right now, though, i need to focus on keeping myself healthy. this – this whole thing, ever since their engagement, i haven’t eaten properly, i haven’t slept. it’s such a chore to get out of bed, even.”
“hyung,” namjoon whispers, “hyung that’s not – that’s not healthy, hyung you need to let go – you need to forget him – “
“picture this, namjoon,” seokjin smiles softly, “it’s ten years from now, and you’ve been in love with hoseok this entire time.” he tilts his head, “if i told you to forget him, could you? would you?”
namjoon stills, his gaze focused in front of the steering wheel, “no.”
“exactly.” seokjin sighs, tearing a piece of the soggy burger bun, and nibbling on it, “don’t worry about me, namjoon. hyung will be just fine.”
when seokjin smiles at him, it’s animated again, his warm brown eyes; they look tired, frustrated. he wants to believe seokjin, he really does, but as his eyes turn glassy with tears again, he feels his heart burn, clawing to somehow, in some way, help him out, to put him out of his misery.
+
“hyung!” namjoon yells, waving to seokjin, who’s sitting on a park bench, reading something, probably. he notices namjoon, and grins, waving at him to come over.
“you’re late,” he teases, closing the textbook shut.
“sorry,” namjoon chuckles, taking a seat next to seokjin. he huffs out a breath, pointing to the textbook in his hands, “whatcha got there?”
“i have a test,” seokjin sighs, “next week, it’s so hard. i’ve been stressing myself about it for the entire month.”
namjoon raises an eyebrow, tilting his head, “you know, i don’t really know anything about you.” he waves his hands, “you’re in college?”
“i'm getting my master’s, actually,” seokjin giggles, “i'm in my third year.”
“damn, hyung,” namjoon whistles, “didn’t know you were that smart.”
seokjin rolls his eyes, “you’re one to say, mr. law school.”
“hoseok told you?”
“yeah,” he laughs quietly, “how is he, by the way? we haven’t talked in a few days.”
“you seem to be missing him a lot,” namjoon teases, and seokjin blushes just a little.
namjoon notices that, and he grins, “yah, hyung, you’re not starting to like him, are you?”
seokjin gasps, slapping namjoon’s shoulder, “namjoon! wh-what are you talking about!”
“woah, woah, hyung,” namjoon raises his hands in defence, “i was just joking, what’s gotten you so defensive?”
seokjin huffs, looking away, “you know how i need to get over…jeongguk,”
“yeah?”
“well i thought – “ he sighs, “i thought i should go on a blind date. and it was bad, obviously – because he wasn’t jeongguk, but then, oh god.”
“we were at his house and then his wife came in!” he shakes his head, “i was so embarrassed! she thought i was trying to steal her man.”
“you seem to attract all the married ones,” namjoon jokes, and seokjin looks at him pointedly. he gives him a lopsided smile, “too soon?”
“maybe,” seokjin sighs, “i don’t know, joon. i thought, if – if i sleep with enough people, i’d forget him.”
“that’s not possible, hyung,” namjoon shakes his head, “those kind of feelings don’t go away with one-night stands. you know that right?”
“i do.” seokjin speaks quietly, shuffling his fingers together, “all i see is him, namjoon. i tried to go on that date, and all i could think of was jeongguk. he tried to kiss me, and i imagined it was jeongguk.”
“hey,” namjoon soothes, moving closer to him, to wrap an arm around his shoulder, “hyung, come on, you’ve already cried too much. you know crying will make you very tired, right?”
seokjin exhales, nodding. he shakes his head, “do you wanna get something to eat?”
“sure,” namjoon shrugs, “there’s a grocery store like… five minutes from here. do you want to go there? i'm pretty sure any other restaurant is miles away.”
“yeah,” seokjin laughs, “yeah, let’s do that.”
“good.” namjoon grins, “and no more crying, alright?” he says, getting up from the bench, seokjin following right after him.
he hands namjoon his textbook, packing up the stationary in a little pouch, to put into his backpack. namjoon laughs when he sees the subject, “chemistry, hyung, really?”
“bio-chemicals,” seokjin corrects, smiling at the boy, “my masters is in virology, actually, this is just extra material i'm obliged to learn.”
“ah, to be a stem major,” namjoon shakes his head, “why are you studying chemistry, then?”
“you know,” seokjin moves his hands as they start walking, “there’s certain chemicals we need to know, in order to determine how a virus reacts to them.” he pauses, “i sound kind of boring. but this is fun! i promise.”
“right,” namjoon giggles, “i'm sure atoms are fun.”
seokjin rolls his eyes, laughing, “don’t underestimate the power of those atoms!”
“yeah?” namjoon snorts, “what are they gonna do to me?” he asks, jokingly.
“good question,” seokjin grins, opening his textbook, to point at a page. namjoon looks over, and it’s a list of, what he assumes is chemicals, that he cannot imagine pronouncing.
“see?” seokjin says, “lethal chemicals. they’ll kill you, joon!”
namjoon laughs, taking a turn as they stop at a pedestrian crossing. he smiles at seokjin, “this sounds pretty interesting, i won’t lie.”
seokjin looks cutely proud, “i told you!” he claps his hands, “but, really. this is scary stuff,”
namjoon teases, “well, what do you recommend is the best one? college is biting me in the ass.”
seokjin chuckles, but it seems he’s actually thinking about it. he hums, “batrachotoxin. it’s found on south american frogs, actually. one of my batch-mate happened to find some; did his focal project on that. it was so cool! two grams of it, and your heart stops. no traces, nothing.”
“well,” namjoon tilts his head, “if you do happen to be in touch with his batch-mate of yours, please do tell me.”
“you got it!” seokjin guffaws, walking into the grocery store. he makes a beeline for the candy section, and namjoon follows close behind him. seokjin is childish, but in an endearing way. he isn’t obnoxious or annoying with the way he behaves, it seems to come authentically to him – namjoon notices.
they take a few minutes to grab a handful of snacks, and they’re in the drinks section when namjoon hears a loud, seokjin oppa!
he turns around, and so does seokjin. they were laughing, just a moment ago, but now any traces of joy are wiped away from seokjin’s face. a young girl, probably in her 20’s, is jogging towards them, dressed in formal attire.
and then, jeongguk walks behind her.
namjoon takes in a sharp breath, pressing his hand to seokjin’s back, “seokjin – “
“seokjin oppa!” she grins excitedly, “hey! it’s so good to see you!”
“haejan,” he gives her a tight-lipped smile, his gaze shifts to jeongguk, who refuses to look up at him, “jeongguk.”
“how are you? i haven’t met you in so long,” she sighs, quickly tugging jeongguk to stand next to her.
“i'm doing great,” he smiles, “what about you? how was the…engagement?”
“it was great!” she grins, “we just moved in together, yesterday. jeongguk’s appa wants us to host a dinner tonight, so we’re doing some last minute grocery shopping.”
“right,” he nods, “i'm glad everything is going well for you.”
“you say you’re glad, but you never meet us anymore,” she pouts, ruffling seokjin’s hair.
“sorry, uh – “ he shrugs, “i’ve just been…busy.”
“mhm, i can tell,” she smiles teasingly, pointing at namjoon. jeongguk tenses next to her, shoving his hands inside the pockets of his pants.
namjoon starts coughing, and he sees seokjin’s eyes widen. he chokes on his spit, “he – oh god, he’s not, haejan – uh – “
“it’s okay, it’s okay,” she giggles, “i understand. keep things on the down-low, eh?”
“we should leave, haejan.” jeongguk interrupts, hand on her shoulder.
“no.” seokjin snaps, before smiling at the girl again, “stay, let’s chat for a few more minutes.”
her eyebrows furrow as she glances at the two men; jeongguk is staring at seokjin, his gaze hard. seokjin is fiddling with the packet of chocolate in his hands, eyes glued to the floor.
“ah!” she interrupts, shrugging, “oppa, come with me, would you? i saw this peach lipstick just now, it’d look so pretty on you!”
“haejan,” seokjin sputters, “don’t you and jeongguk have some shopping to do?
“well.” she rolls her eyes, smiling warmly, “jeongguk, can you just pay for all of this?” she says, handing him the basket of groceries. he only nods.
“namjoon,” seokjin blushes, “do you mind? i’ll only be a few minutes.”
“it’s no problem, hyung,” namjoon smiles, and he isn’t annoyed, genuinely, “give me those, i’ll pay for it.” grabbing the few packs of snacks from his hands.
“no, no,” seokjin shakes his head. “namjoon-ah, seriously. don’t – “
“hyung,” he rolls his eyes, “you can pay me back with coffees, alright?”
“…are you sure?” seokjin asks tentatively. as soon as namjoon nods, haejan grabs his bicep, disappearing further into the store.
namjoon sighs, and his eyes lock with jeongguk’s, who’s glaring at him, gaze cold, icy, and hard. the boy’s eyes widen, and he quickly goes to the cash register to pay for the food.
he’s sitting on a metal bench, sipping on his can of coke, when he feels a presence next to him. when he sees it’s jeongguk, he chokes on his drink.
“the ugly part of me,” jeongguk begins, voice detached, “the ugly part of me wants to punch you, strangle you, tie up your hands so you don’t ever, ever, ever touch my seokjin again.”
namjoon’s body grows rigid, and he let’s out a soft breath.
“the ugly part of me wants to send you away, away from him, so you both can never see each other again.” he sighs, “but, that’s just the ugly part of my heart. the other part –“
he chuckles, looking up, his eyes shiny, “the other part wants to tell you, that you – you are so lucky. it wants to congratulate you, to have someone so fucking amazing like seokjin, to have him like you,” he sniffles, “you need to take care of him. you need to cherish him, and protect him, and love him, like…like i couldn’t.”
he lets out a shuddered breath, looking at namjoon, “he’s allergic to peanuts. not all nuts, just peanuts. he gets all red when he eats them. when he has an important test, he’ll pace around in his room for hours. give him strawberry milk, and cuddle him. he calms down after that.” his smile is fond, gooey, “he’s so scared of the dark, he always gets jumpy when he’s alone. he hates sleeping alone, and he has this white alpaca toy he’s obsessed with. he can’t live without it.”
when namjoon looks at him, only then does he notice the tears slipping from his eyes, “he loves gummies, but only the worm kind. he’s complicated. he’s complicated, quiet, and closed off,” jeongguk chuckles, “but you…you learn how to de-code his personality. you learn about the little quirks he has, the tiny things, that don’t really matter. you learn how beautiful he is, and you learn how much you need him.”
“namjoon.” he says, cupping the other’s face, “namjoon, i just need one thing from you, okay?” he whispers, eyes red, “its’ selfish of me to ask for this, it’s so fucking selfish. but i just – please don’t let him forget about me,” he sighs, “don’t…don’t let me be a memory that he forgets. don’t make me disappear from his life, please. it’s all i ask. it’s all.”
“jeongguk,” namjoon speaks, hand around his shoulder, “jeongguk, i don’t think you’ll ever be just a memory for him,”
jeongguk stills and namjoon looks down at his lap, “but, maybe that’s the problem, jeongguk. maybe the fact that you can’t be just a memory…that’s the problem.”
+
“yoongi-hyung!” namjoon grins, high-fiving the man as he walks into the staff room.
“namjoon, tone it down,” yoongi replies, rolling his eyes fondly, “how’s school?”
“okay,” namjoon shrugs, putting his apron on. he notices yoongi looking at him, with a pouty face – he knows the man is about to ask for a favour.
“alright, spill it. what do you have to say?”
“some customer booked out the roof tonight,” yoongi explains.
“wait? that old thing? how did they know we even do that, anymore?”
“i don’t know,” yoongi shrugs, “he requested for a single bartender, and i'm supposed to go.”
“okay?” namjoon says, confused, “how is this about me?”
“you see,” yoongi blushes, “this is usually the time when…”
“when?”
“you know.”
“huh?”
“when jimin shows up,” yoongi whisper-yells, and namjoon’s mouth forms an o.
“so you want me to take over the roof party?”
“yes…” yoongi pouts, again, “you’ll get paid more tonight! and it’s a very easy job, i promise!”
“hyung, it’s okay.” namjoon chuckles, “i’ll do the job, calm down. now go meet your lover boy!”
yoongi flashes him a grateful smile, walking out into the main bar. namjoon, on the other hand, walks up the stairs, into the roof. he’s only been here about once, since the place is rarely booked out. when he reaches, he can see the liquor set-up already made, and a single man sitting on the chair, staring at the sky.
he goes around the table, looking at said man’s face, eyes fluttering close when he realises who it is.
“jeongguk,” he mutters, “what are you doing here?”
jeongguk let’s go of the cigarette in between his fingers, puff of smoke leaving his mouth, “hoping to burn a hole into my liver.” he says, tapping the tip of his finger against the butt, letting ash fall to the ground.
“is this about seokjin?”
jeongguk looks at him, before chuckling, “it’s always about seokjin.”
namjoon sighs, “look, man – this… all this isn’t healthy, you’re turning to al – “
“how is he?”
namjoon stares, “what?”
“seokjin.” jeongguk explains, “how is he?”
“he’s…fine, i think,” namjoon shakes his head, “i don’t talk to him all that often.”
“are you going to take him out on a date?”
“what? jeongguk!” he huffs, exasperated, “i have a boyfriend. he’s amazing, and i don’t want seokjin. what’s so hard to understand?”
“alright,” jeongguk drawls, taking a long drag, “alright, i got it.”
“did something bad happen?” namjoon asks.
“bad things are always happening,” jeongguk puffs, “this one just seems to take the cake.”
namjoon doesn’t comment any further, taking a seat on the bar stool. jeongguk pulls out his second cigarette of the night, burning it with a lighter.
“my seokjin hates it when i smoke.” jeongguk speaks quietly, “father… he loves it.”
namjoon’s body stills, his hands resting gently on the table in front of him. he wondered what jeongguk was trying to say.
“father…” he scoffs bitterly, “he is a fucked up man. i know that.”
“i know he’s bad, i know he’s hurting me,” his voice cracks, “but i – every time...every time i talk to him, he has a way to – to convince me that he’s right, and i feel so helpless.” he shakes his head, “my family…all they’ve taught me is to never go against what they say. they’re all the same. when i was young, i had four people telling me the same thing over and over again. that i'm not a good son, that i don’t deserve to be a part of that family. as all of them fell dead, my father became more intense. more strict.”
“all i ever wanted – “ he croaks, “all i ever wanted, was for someone to love me, and tell me that i'm enough. and my seokjin…” he sighs, “my seokjin did just that.”
“no one was supposed to find out about us.” he whispers, “we were supposed to – i was supposed to run away with him. start a new life, forget everything.”
“but then,” he swallows thickly, “father knows, now.” he whispers, “he knows, and he told me he’d hurt seokjin,”
namjoon gasps loudly, his heart racing.
“i can’t namjoon,” he shakes his head, “i can’t reel him into this mess. he’s the only good thing in my life. he can’t end up like me, namjoon. he can’t.”
“does he know?”
jeongguk let’s out a short breath, “no. no, he doesn’t. and he can’t know.”
“the anger that i have, towards father.” he scoffs, “it’s…dangerous. it’s too harmful.”
“jeongguk,” namjoon sighs, “you’re just hurting yourself, jeongguk,”
“what can i do?” he smiles, “i'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place, joon-ah. it’s ether, that i defy my father…which is a terrifyingly scary thought to begin with. and i marry seokjin, i let him suffer for the rest of his life. put him in danger.” he shakes his head, “or, i stay quiet. comply like a good fucking puppet. marry haejan.”
“you’ll be unhappy. for the rest of your life. how can you live with that?”
“i need to protect seokjin.” jeongguk replies, simply, “maybe…maybe it’s just fate, namjoon. maybe seokjin and i just weren’t written in the stars, like i hoped we were.”
his head aches as he reaches his home, unlocking the door. the place is quiet, and namjoon assumes hoseok is asleep. when he walks into the living room, though, he definitely doesn’t expect to see seokjin, curled up in a ball, head resting on hoseok’s lap.
he lets out a laboured breath, and hoseok looks up at him. the boy gently places seokjin’s head on the couch, gesturing for namjoon to move to the kitchen. hoseok turns the lights on, “he came in, crying.” he sighs, “like. full on, just sobbing. he said he was sorry for disturbing, but he just needed a hug."
hoseok grows quiet, shaking his head, “it made me sad, joon. seeing him like that, it was heart-breaking.”
namjoon frowns, “what happened? did he say? did he tell you?”
hoseok purses his lips, looking up at his boyfriend, “jeongguk’s getting married in a week, namjoon.”
+
namjoon walks into their bedroom, seeing hoseok sitting on their desk, typing away on the computer. his lips are set into a deep pout, which makes the taller man grin.
he walks towards his boyfriend, his hands around the back of his neck. hoseok sighs at the feeling, holding his hands on top of namjoon's.
"you're still not done?" namjoon asks, pressing a gentle kiss to his neck.
hosoek sighs, shaking his head, "nope. i don't think i'll ever be done, to be honest."
namjoon chuckles, spinning the chair around so hoseok is facing him. the elder smiles up at him, patting his lap. namjoon shakes his head fondly, but complies, sitting on hoseok's lap.
"i quite like it when it's the other way round, actually," namjoon comments, carding his fingers through hoseoks hair. he smells soft, comforting.
hoseok laughs, patting namjoons thigh, "let me treat my boyfriend sometimes," he teases, which makes the younger roll his eyes. they both knew well enough, how well they treated each other.
they stay wrapped up in each other's arms for a long time, hoseok's nose buried in namjoon's neck.
after a few minutes of comforting silence, hoseok looks up at him, "have you heard from jin hyung recently?"
the younger's brows furrow, and he shakes his head, "no, not really. he hasn't been at the café either, right?"
hoseok nods, humming. his fingers splay gently across namjoon's lower back, "i'm concerned for him." he pauses, "does he do this often? disappearing without a trace?"
namjoon puffs out a short laugh, shrugging, "kind of, yeah."
"well, he shouldn't!" hoseok huffs, "there's people who are worried about him." he pouts, looking away.
namjoon smiles, "i'm sure he just needs some time, hoseok-ah." he shakes his head, "i can't even imagine what it's like for him, right now. the wedding was yesterday, right?"
"i think so, yeah," hoseok nods, shaking his head, "i don't know, joon. i just don't want him to do something stupid,"
"he'll be fine," namjoon nods comfortingly, "hyung is very strong. he won't do anything stupid."
+
namjoon definitely wasn’t, in a lifetime, expecting to see a sight like this.
jeongguk and seokjin were together, in the café seokjin worked at, sitting together as they laughed.
his breath got caught in his throat, and he sighed softly, smile gracing his lips. he walked up to them, “guys, hi,”
seokjin’s eyes lit up, as he looked up at namjoon, “oh! hey!”
jeongguk moved to sit in the same booth as seokjin, gesturing for namjoon to sit on the now empty seat.
“how are you guys?” he asks, placing his frappuccino on the table, and taking a sip of it.
“doing quite… okay.” seokjin nods, smiling as he looks at jeongguk.
“how…” he bites his lip, “how are you guys together?”
jeongguk sighs softly, shaking his head, “father, he… he died.”
namjoon chokes on his drink, coughing a little, “shit, oh my god, when?”
“it’s been three weeks, i think.” jeongguk nods, “yeah. i know. it feels weird.”
“are you,” namjoon shifts in his seat, “are you doing okay?”
“i think so, yeah,” jeongguk nods, soft smile on his face, “life’s been… different. but i'm getting used to it.”
“wow, i mean,” he shakes his head, “things must be difficult.”
“you can say that,” jeongguk nods, before pressing a kiss to seokjin’s cheek. “i'm just gonna get a muffin, okay? do you want anything?”
seokjin shakes his head, and jeongguk gets up to go the counter. namjoon looks at seokjin, who’s reading a book, “is that why you’ve been so hard to contact?”
“yeah,” seokjin smiles, apologetic, “i'm sorry about that. looking at my phone was the least of my worries. it’s okay, though, i'm going to start working here, anyways.”
“don’t say sorry,” namjoon chuckles, and seokjin gives him a warm smile. his attention focuses back to the book he was reading, and namjoon bites his lip, playing with the tip of his straw.
“is he really doing okay?” namjoon swallows, “jeongguk. how is he?”
“he’s okay,” seokjin nods, “there’s…it’s a lot for him. but he’s getting better. it was hard when he first got the news.” he shakes his head, “it’s complicated because, he’s not…sad, you know? he’s just. helpless. he’s not used to not having this… this man dictate his every move. it’s new, to him. but he’s doing okay. he’ll be okay.”
namjoon nods, and they both go quiet for a few moments. “do you think he…deserved it?”
he doesn’t need to elaborate on what this means, seokjin’s pursed lips are enough to know that he understood the question, just fine.
“he was a bad man, namjoon,” he starts, voice quiet. his eyes are trained on his book, fingers right around the page, “he… he’s done some shit. it’s not possible to be on the top, without hurting people.”
seokjin looks up, and namjoon’s breath gets caught in his throat; seokjin’s usually warm, comforting eyes are icy, unforgiving, as his gaze bores into namjoon’s eyes, “i'm just happy, that jeongguk is out of his misery.”
namjoon feels a shiver run down his spine, and he holds the table, knuckles turning white, his gut clenches, his heart beating fast. “i think – “ he stutters, “ i need to leave, uh. it’s good seeing you again.” he quickly gets up, walking out of the shop, feeling a cold drop of sweat drip down his spine.
his breathing is erratic, and he’s about to get into his car, when a hand on his shoulder stops him.
he turns around, to see jeongguk, jogging towards him.
he sighs, “jeongguk, hey.”
“ah, namjoon,” he scratches the back of his neck, “it’s…um, i just wanted to say, like, you barely knew us, and all this time you…you’ve helped us, and it’s been so, heartwarming?” he chuckles, a little shy.
his chestnut eyes looked warmly into namjoon’s, and the tightness in his chest relaxed a little, “it’s no problem, jeongguk, honestly.” he smiles, “i just want you to take care, okay?”
jeongguk nods, “i have been taking care,” he bit his lip, “when dad died, a part of me still wanted to be with haejan, just to please him,” he swallows thickly, “that…that’s when i knew i was in too deep. that i was too fucked.”
“i’ve been seeing a therapist,” he shrugs a little, “her and my seokjin…i’ve just never felt this happy, namjoon.”
“is seokjin treating you well?”
“more than well.” he laughs, “we’re so good. i call him my boyfriend, nowadays. it feels like i'm on cloud-nine.”
namjoon’s heart melts, “you got your happy ending, jeongguk. it’s what you deserve.”
jeongguk grins, “yeah, i really have.” he sighs, “anyways, i’ll let you go, now. seokjin has your number, right? i wanna keep in touch.”
“he does, yeah.” namjoon smiles, tight-lipped, “bye, it’s good to see you, jeongguk.”
as namjoon drives, his anxiousness makes it take twice as long than it usually does.
his hands are shaky as he walks into their house, legs trembling. he let’s out a deep breath, knees close to his chest, back against his bed.
hoseok walks into his room, frowning when he sees namjoon like that. he kneels, cupping his boyfriend’s jaw softly, “joon? what happened?”
“something…” he shakes his head, “something very fucked up, hoseok, i think – “
he swallows thickly, “can you pass me my laptop, please?”
hoseok’s bows furrow in confusion, but he complies, grabbing the laptop off the table, and handing it to the boy. namjoon bites his lip, opening up google.
Owner of Tech Company, dies at age 57.
Jeon Minjae was found dead, heart stopped, in his own home, days before his son’s wedding. The cause of death is unclear, but –
namjoon shuts his laptop, eyes wide, he thinks he might pass out. pulling hoseok close, he tries to ignore his loud head, trying to rid himself of the unnecessary thoughts that clawed through his mind.