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Chapter Text

Jimin hits the “submit” button of his internship report and for good measure, shuts down all of his browsers, documents, as well as his laptop.

Then he sits back against the side of his bed and falls head deep into what could most definitely be the Existential Crisis™ he’s heard so much about.

Jimin has heard many rants pertaining to the Existential Crisis™. He’s heard them from classmates, seniors, even his lecturers, his best friends, his older cousins, on the media- everywhere. But he never quite related to it until now.

He remembers a seminar from the previous semester when a guest lecturer came in to host a workshop about her own experiences with the Existential Crisis™ (although she did not call it that). And Jimin had appreciated it, but didn’t find it relevant.

But now he does.

It’s not like Jimin was living a protected and shielded life, where the future was laid out perfectly for him, ignorant of reality around him. Jimin was a hard worker, he studied well, got good grades, and was a dedicated student. He had plans for his future- a future where he would graduate, take a short break because he deserved it, and write out his resume and send it in to any and all companies to get a job. Of course he knew this would take time- he didn’t just assume he would instantly get a job that was both improbable and unrealistic. But he would eventually land one, and then-

And then that would be it.

With horror Jimin realizes that he had never really planned out anything. Never really thought to look into the possibility of what his future would look like in a realistic point of view.

Would he be happy?

Would he be productive?

Was this even a dream? Did he even have a dream?

Because looking back Jimin realizes- he didn’t have a dream. He had no stirring ambition or passion.

That was Taehyung. Taehyung and his BFA, barely sleeping with projects left and right but always somehow so filled with zeal and determination.

Jimin doesn’t have a set occupation or a semblance for one.

That was Jungkook. Jungkook and his med-school, studying to be a physical therapist, pouring over research and studies, fueled with the desire to do good and bring healing to others.

And Jimin was-

What did he want?

Jimin hates to admit that this entire Existential Crisis™ was a result of his internship. The reason why he hates to admit it is because all of his professors, lecturers, and advisors always said this:

‘Internships are just a short example of what the real world is going to be like- if you think university life is difficult, and you think internship is difficult, then you’re not ready for the real world.’

And Jimin hated it when they said this.

Because once again, Jimin does not think he’s unrealistic. He does not expect work life to be all fun and fulfilling and wholesome.

But he also did not expect it to be filled with so much resentment and politics.

His 2 month internship wasn’t as bad as most internships go. He had applied to 34 different companies and offices and organizations for his mandatory internship and immediately took the first one that replied back to him. This company was a fun-raising organization and he was placed under the Digital Marketing team. Which basically meant he had to handle their Facebook pages, Instagram account, Twitter account, as well as create a new website on Wordpress. Jimin suspects it had to do with the fact that he was young, and so the company assumed he’d be good at it (Jimin doesn’t use Facebook and had to sit and watch a 2 hour tutorial on how Facebook worked). And it wasn’t a terribly difficult job, neither was it very boring.

It wasn’t the work he had to do that made Jimin fall into this Existential Crisis™.

Rather, it was the people around him.

It was the people around him, and their blatant negativity towards what they did, the resentment they harboured towards each other, and the rampant clear politics of the higher-ups in the office.

Jimin only had to be there for 3 days when he was overwhelmed by this company.

Just 3 days and Jimin was ready for it to be over.

He was never directly effected- nothing was taken out on him. He wasn’t sent off on the cliché impossible coffee runs, pointless errands, and responsibilities over the copy machine.

But rather Jimin was dangled at a very strange precipice of uncertainty from his superiors, none of them willing to really take on responsibility out of fear or laziness of being held accountable.

Jimin would receive a poster from the design department to post on to the Facebook account. He would then show the draft of the post to his superior, who would then take it up to her superior, who then took it up to the manager, who then took it up to director. There would be no response for 3 days, during which no one seemed to be actually doing anything, but were too busy to bring back any feedback. Jimin would inquire after the draft, which would sometimes be completely cancelled, or he would be called in to sit for a meeting about the post during which everything except the post would be discussed while the heads of each department sniped at each other in passive aggressive tones rather than discuss what needed to be done. Not to mention no one really seemed to understand what their company objective and vision was. Jimin would be asked to design the new website to attract young people in order to bring them in for employment. But then he would be told to redesign everything because this was ‘not a business, Jimin, we are a social organization, everything we do is about social integration and supporting social innovation, change the layout’ and okay, Jimin can do that, but when he does someone else will come in and say, ‘no- this is too “capitalist corporations trying to look humane”- change it to something appealing but corporate- we need to attract customer, not corporations” then Jimin asked, tentatively, what their mission statement was, and he was given 4 separate answers and one ‘I don’t know, does it matter?’ and Jimin is just tired.

A few of the employees were nice, friendly and willing to look over his tasks and confusion. But most of it was spent complaining about how the company policy was lacking, or how the company management was biased, or how the Director was only in that position because he was the son of some of major international corporation who had no prior experience to running a fund-raising organization but simply got there as a result of money and connections. The programmers loved viciously cursing out the head of their department, who according to them, had never even opened an app their entire lives and had difficulty even sending out scheduled emails but was somehow in charge of overseeing the development of their app. Another intern, who was a programmer, would just share dead-eyed gazes with Jimin from across the supposed “co-working space” that would better enable “brain-storming” and “mind-linking”.

Jimin didn’t expect much- but he didn’t expect this level of incompetence and disorganization.

It makes Jimin positively reel at how the company was at such a level of chaos, but somehow so brazenly moving forward into the world.

And Jimin is just struck by how miserable everyone appeared.

A few of the nicer people would say things like ‘Ah Jimin-ah, you have so much energy and focus – you’ll lose it soon!’ as though encouraging him to lose his energy and passion.

And then Jimin wonders, how did they lose their energy and passion?

And did Jimin himself have any of that “energy and passion” they were talking about?

He spoke to the other intern, feeling like they could at least share in this confusion together. But the other intern isn’t fazed.

‘This isn’t my first internship,’ he had said, poking at his lunch with a fork, ‘It’s better than the other place I was interning at though.’

And Jimin is reeling again. He knew that the young programmer had previously interned, for 3 months, at a very well-known and international company. How could it be worse there than here?

And then he had asked him, ‘So- what’s your dream then?’

And Jimin was stumped.

‘What do you hope to do? Like, let’s just imagine, be as unrealistic as possible, and just- what do you wanna do?’ he had asked, ‘I want to work in a gaming studio- program for a game. Even if things are shit, it’s still in a field that I would enjoy, where I can progress my skills, y’know?’

Jimin couldn’t give him an answer.

‘I mean obviously, getting a fulfilling job where you find happiness is impractical,’ he had said- so casually as though this was all he could strive for. ‘Wish I could just be happy, well-off, and be productive at the same time.’  

And Jimin is haunted by these words now.

Was he…was he living a fulfilled life?

Was he living a happy one. And what did that even mean to start off with?

Did adult life constitute of happiness being derived only from the productivity and professional fulfilment of your career?

Because if that was the case, then clearly, Jimin is doomed.

He wants to believe that this was not the case everywhere. Certainly, there would be places and people who would be definitely much more organized; where they would actually practice a little above the bare-minimum for a stable work-environment.

Jimin leans all the way back, slumping weirdly on the floors, head rolling under the bed.

It’s cool, under the bed- dim and soothing. Jimin just wants to hide under the bed for a while longer.

He exhales- more a world weary sigh than anything – and shuffles even more until he’s nearly entirely under the bed. It’s a little dusty but he doesn’t mind too much. He also finds some of his expensive books under here, used for one semester and ultimately shoved away. He should maybe donate these to the library or find a junior who needed it.

‘Jiminie?’

‘Hm?’

‘…are you looking for something?’

‘The answers.’

‘…to what?’

Taehyung shuffles a little closer, entering the room with soft steps.

‘To everything.’

‘…ah, is this why you’ve been…kinda off?’

Taehyung drops to the floor and quickly shuffles under the bed with Jimin.

‘Yeah, I’m sorry for being weird,’ Jimin says quietly, feeling slightly guilty. Taehyung had just come back after his summer internship yesterday. He seemed to have had a good time, based on their messages and calls. As a parting gift the company he had worked for had given him a nice good quality sketch-pad and a good set of oil-pastels. Taehyung was a Fine Arts student and his internship was at a graphic design department for an online magazine. Taehyung was definitely not a graphic designer, but had taken it because they were the first to contact him back. The present, he said, was an apology for making him do things that weren’t directly related to his field or major. But Taehyung had said it was a good learning experience and was just thankful he had been able to help.

‘Nah- we all have our moments.’ Taehyung waves a hand shortly, avoiding slapping the beams under the bed.

He smells strongly of shampoo- which meant he probably just woke up some time ago. Meaning Jimin’s lost track of time, again, and wasn’t in their small kitchenette preparing breakfast. Which was why he came to look for him.

‘Jungkook will be back next week,’ Taehyung holds up his phone, ‘He just messaged in the chat.’

‘Ah- is he bringing back any presents-‘

‘-he says that he’s the present.’

‘Should have seen that coming,’ Jimin grumbles, glaring at the phone.

‘Keep glaring, I’m taking an under-the-bed selfies,’ Taehyung snorts, quickly pulling up the camera function and snapping a terribly grainy photo of Jimin’s frown that Taehyung imitates almost perfectly.

‘So- wanna talk about it?’ Taehyung puts his phone away, squirming a little closer.

‘I-…I don’t even know how to begin, to be honest.’

‘Is this about your internship,’ Taehyung asks gently.

Taehyung had received a lot of confused messages regarding his internship. But it wasn’t the type Jimin could genuinely rant about in message form.

When he had transcribed his experience into his report, he felt as though what he felt was potentially whiney and displayed, well, weakness. Writing it out, he felt as if maybe he shouldn’t have even felt the way he did. Maybe he was in the wrong?

So he tells Taehyung about the report, and the additional email he sent to his advisor.

‘It’s just-…am I oversensitive, or like, too…too picky or idealistic about this whole thing?’ Jimin asks tentatively.

‘Not at all,’ Taehyung replies seriously, ‘It’s absolutely normal. I go through it all the time.’

‘You do?’

Taehyung always seemed so sure about what he wanted to do. He complained and worried and stressed of course- but there was always an end goal- a passion, a dream. He knew what he wanted to do, and he accepted the difficulties that would come with it, and he still continued forward because ultimately in the end: Taehyung knew what he wanted.

‘I mean, I kinda go through it all the time,’ Taehyung replies with a shrug, ‘When I was doing my internship I wondered if I should maybe just go into graphic design anyway.’

‘Why?’

‘There’s a good demand for graphic designers,’ Taehyung tells him, ‘Well, more than mixed-media contemporary artist anyways.’

‘Would…do you think it’s dumb of me to think of job satisfaction and general happiness as an individual as separate things that aren’t related to each other.’

‘It’s not,’ Taehyung nods seriously, ‘That’s putting value on productivity- and if you aren’t happy being “productive”, but all of your worth comes from being productive, then aren’t you screwed?’

‘…yes,’ Jimin groans into his hands with a wail, making Taehyung jump.

‘I didn’t mean to upset you!’

‘No it’s not- it’s just- I know that- but also I’m-‘ Jimin groans in frustration. ‘Remember when Jungkook asked me a few years ago-‘

‘You’re gonna have to be more specific than that.’

‘What he said about liberal arts.’

‘-what the fuck do you in liberal arts?’ Taehyung quotes perfectly.

‘Yeah.’

‘What about it?’

‘What am I doing in liberal arts?’ Jimin gesticulates.

‘You looked into it, felt it was the best fit to you, and to what you best believed would be the best way for you to do what you want?’ Taehyung replies slowly.

‘But what do I want to do?’

‘…I uh, don’t know?’

‘I don’t know either!’ Jimin wails. ‘Wow- I just- have I been living a really sheltered life? Is this my “shock of reality” that professors love lecturing you about??’

‘I wouldn’t say that…’ Taehyung says slowly, taking Jimin’s flailing hands into his to stop him from injuring himself. ‘You can be aware of things, hear of things, learn of things- but sometimes you need to experience it to really understand it- well, in your own terms that is. That doesn’t mean you’ve lived a sheltered life, and it’s not even a bad thing really- you can’t just know everything and be aware of everything. And it’s fine- it’s okay not to.’

‘Is it?’ Jimin whines, ‘I feel dumb. Like, what was I even doing the past 3 years- what am I even doing in this degree!? You have a plan! You know what you want to do! So does Kookie! But me? I’m just- I’m just in this and I can’t even answer the question “what is your dream job” because I don’t have one!’

Taehyung is silent as Jimin collects his breath.

‘Is this also because you need to select your major and now everything is too much?’

Jimin groans into his hands again in answer.

Taehyung chuckles, a rumbling sound that’s wonderfully quiet and contained in this safe space under the bed.

‘I think you’re trying too hard to figure everything out, when you’ve only just had this realization I guess,’ Taehyung tells him gently. ‘Don’t be so hard on yourself.’

Jimin groans half-heartedly, squirming aggressively because his frustrations, mainly at himself, needed an outlet.

‘You’re gonna go meet your advisor tomorrow then?’

‘Yeah- if he agrees- maybe he can like, I dunno, point some things out.’ Jimin mumbles.

‘You should distract yourself until then- do something else,’ Taehyung reaches over to squeeze him arm before linking arms. ‘We need to get some groceries, and I need to do a supply run as well!’

‘Yeah,’ Jimin exhales out, turning to look at his best friend, ‘I think that’s a good idea.’

‘Have you been to the library lately? Maybe you can find, I dunno, self-help books?’ Taehyung tries, ‘I dunno if those actually help- I know Oprah has a few books like that? She can’t be wrong right?’

Jimin laughs, curling a little to his side to properly face Taehyung.

‘Yeah you’re right- I haven’t been to the library in a while,’ Jimin nods before frowning in realization, ‘I haven’t been there since I started internship.’

‘There you go!’ Taehyung tries to turn but he’s too wide at the shoulders to allow him to turn so he stops his attempts, ‘Go get some nice books, just ease your mind for now. I know it’s easy to say, but mulling over it like this isn’t going to help. You tell me that all the time.’

Jimin knocks his forehead against Taehyung’s bony shoulder, smiling as he says, ‘You’re right. Thank Tae.’

*

And yes. It was easier said than done because later that night, and well into the following morning, Jimin obsessively goes through tons of forums and sites and even Tumblr and Reddit to see what people had to say. He’s not ignorant of the fact that most people thought Liberal Arts was a wishy-washy non-degree. He’s also not ignorant of the fact that Liberal Arts didn’t give you a specific skill-set for a specific job/field of work. It’s actually one of the reasons why he decided to take this degree because he felt it was a good approach towards what could be a wide spectrum of possibilities and potential.

But here he was, 3 years later, with a random accumulation of knowledge, skills, and information that didn’t pertain to any one particular field of work, that didn’t spark any interest for him to delve into to study as a major, and one that didn’t particularly spark any joy – thank you Marie Kondo.

But he can’t just go and throw away or donate his degree because it didn’t spark any joy in him.

So it’s with a heavy mind, tired body, and drained soul he heads over to the university to meet with his advisor.

The university was technically closed, but summer classes were on-going so there were less students, less classes, and less people in general. The Liberal Arts building is 5 floors, and his advisor was on the second. Jimin tries not to sigh every other minute.

Mr. Shin taught several courses in the Liberal Arts degree, and was a well liked advisor. He’s around Jimin’s father’s age, and was exceptionally thin with a very thick head of hair that was painstakingly dyed black frequently.

‘Jimin! Good to see you,’ Mr. Shin smiles at him, gesturing him into the office.

Jimin takes a seat opposite Mr. Shin at the desk, sitting up straight and smiling politely. ‘I hope you had a good holiday sir?’

‘Not much of a holiday I’m afraid,’ Mr. Shin laughs, ‘I’m hosting the freshman workshops this year.’

‘Ah,’ Jimin smiles, ‘I had Mrs. Lim when I was a freshman.’

‘So, I read your report, as well as your email,’ Mr. Shin pulls up his laptop towards him, tapping a few times over the touchpad. ‘And well, you do paint a rather…well,’ Mr. Shin grimaces gently, ‘I’m sorry you had to experience something like this. I can assure you Jimin, not all places will be like this.’

‘That’s…that’s not my main concern actually, sir,’ Jimin says quietly, twiddling his thumbs a little on his lap.

‘Is this why you wanted to meet?’

Jimin nods.

‘It’s not unusual of course,’ Mr. Shin reaffirms, ‘A lot of students are confused- especially after internship. It’s why sometimes some people transfer to completely different departments too.’

‘Oh that’s not what I want to do,’ Jimin says at once. Why would he transfer to another department when he didn’t even know what he wanted to do in the first place?

‘I just…I just realized I have no interest.’ Jimin confesses at last.

‘No interest?’ Mr. Shin parrots.

‘I-…I don’t have an ambition. Or a dream- I don’t…I don’t have anything that I want to like, do,’ Jimin tries his best to sound more eloquent. He feels very much indeed like some child throwing a tantrum because things didn’t turn out how he thought it would. He wanted to be regarded as an adult, because this was most definitely a serious issue.

‘And being at the internship- seeing those people there- it’s not even the work I did,’ Jimin says earnestly, ‘I don’t mind the hard work, that’s not what scares me, I just-…it was so…frightening.’

‘What do you mean?’ Mr. Shin asks him kindly.

‘What if I- what if I become like that?’ Jimin gestures towards the laptop, towards where his report was open. ‘Just-…just completely…like some useless unknown cog, part of a machine that…is it even working? Does this machine even contribute to anything? What if I’m just another angry, tired, and wrung out person, strung along pointlessly towards a direction that I’m not even aware of, if I’m at all moving in the first place. What if there’s no meaning to anything I do?’

Mr. Shin doesn’t seem to know how to reply. He’s clearly thinking hard on how to best approach this.

‘So you’re not sure what to do with a major?’

Jimin’s frustrations flare but he nods anyways because that was something he was confused about.

‘Weren’t you interested in finance?’ Mr. Shin asks.

‘I- I thought I’d get into it.’ Jimin shrugs.

‘Are you considering another possible major?’

Jimin isn’t even sure he’s considering Liberal Arts as a whole anymore. Jimin isn’t even sure he’s capable of considering anything at all anymore.

‘How about this,’ Mr. Shin looks at him with a thoughtful expression. ‘I’ll give you the contacts of some of your seniors. Talk to them, share your experiences with them, your worries. They’ve all faced what you’re going through right now- so don’t be afraid of asking questions.’

Jimin will take anything right now, so he nods.

Asking his seniors who have already graduated seemed like a good start. Maybe someone could give him a clear answer, show him or point out a direction for him. They’ve graduated already, clearly that meant they had some direction in life, surely, and they could at least maybe lend an understanding ear.

And that’s just what Jimin needs.

He just wants someone to point him in the right direction.

‘Thank you Mr. Shin. I’ll make sure to contact all of them.’

But Jimin is suddenly grip with anxiety as he goes through the email his advisor had sent him, just a few hours after their meeting. Now he’s suddenly afraid.

What if he’s made fun of?

What if they ask him condescending questions? Like why he joined Liberal Arts without a clearly thought out plan. What if they mock him?

‘You’ve been staring at your laptop screen without moving for 10 minutes now.’

Jimin nearly shrieks.

‘You scared me!’ he accuses Taehyung who cackles, walking past him to access the fridge, flooding the area with warm orange light. Jimin hadn’t even noticed it had gotten dark.

‘Oh it’s late.’

‘I even took a video of you staring at your laptop, Kookie wants to know if you’re possessed,’ Taehyung leans against the door fridge, grinning down at him. ‘He said to throw salt at you.’

‘Don’t throw salt on me.’ Jimin warily eyes Taehyung.

‘We don’t keep salt in the fridge.’ Taehyung snorts, ‘Besides, if you were possessed, that’d be a cool thing.’

‘How?’

‘Uh- IDK, for like, fame? We’d get like, TV show interviews, and people get paid for that right?’

‘…I don’t know. Also, why would it be we?’ Jimin pushes his laptop aside.

‘Clearly because I am the one who discovered you?’

‘Absolutely not. If I’m possessed, let me go feral out into the world.’

‘Will you spare me?’

‘Sure.’

‘Cool!’ Taehyung closes the fridge, bathing the place in darkness again. ‘But as you’re not, of prince of darkness, let’s switch on some light yes?’

Jimin scowls, ‘I’m having an existential crisis, lighting is not important to me.’

Taehyung laughs heartily, reaching over to switch on the lights.

‘So, I’m guessing you got the email of contacts?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Are you gonna contact your seniors?’ Taehyung sits down on the chair opposite him.

‘I-…I’m kinda nervous,’ Jimin confesses, dragging his laptop back to himself. ‘I don’t want them to think I’m like, flakey or something. Or some dumb kid.’

‘If anyone does that, then they’re pieces of shit you should block and report.’

‘You can’t report people on email.’

‘That should be a new thing.’ Taehyung says primly before turning Jimin’s laptop around. ‘There’s how many- 1, 2, 3 hmmm 8, all together. If your advisor thinks they’re good people to contact, he must be doing it because he knows they’ll be open and frank. Besides, if they mock you, aren’t they in essence, mocking themselves?’

‘I guess…’ Jimin hums.

‘Want help writing it?’ Taehyung pushes the laptop back towards Jimin.

‘No. You know what, I’ll write them all right now, and if they’re mean then well- well, I guess I can angrily cry tears of frustration about it.’

‘That’s one way to do it!’ Taehyung stands up and adds, ‘I’m gonna make us dinner- eggs and rice okay?’

‘We also have sausages! Just pop them in the microwave!’ Jimin smiles at his best friend before turning his attention back to his email.

It takes him 3 hours to do it, and both Taehyung and Jungkook review it for him with utmost solemnness, before he sends it out. Feeling a sense of accomplishment, Jimin turns in early for bed, knowing the next few days he would be filled with dread at the prospect of receiving back an email- or worse, never hearing back from any of the 8 emails he sent out.

*

Dear Mr. Kim

My name is Park Jimin and I am a soon to be senior student in the Liberal Arts faculty of CCU. I just recently finished my summer internship and the experience has left me questioning the choices presented to me for my major, thesis paper, and overall expectation from this degree and myself. I was advised by Mr. Shin who passed me your contact address to ask for your advise and consultation regarding this new found confusion.

I would be very grateful to hear back from you, if you have any advice for me! I am also very sorry if I am in any way inconveniencing you with this email. Please do not feel burdened or obligated to respond if you do not wish to! But if you do, I will be very grateful for any communication regarding this.

Thank you again, and in advance, for your time.

Best regards,

Park Jimin

*

Dear Mr. Park

Thank you for your email, and thank you for believing that I would be able to help you in your journey through university! Mr. Shin sent me an email in regards to your soon-to-be email, so I am aware of your reason for reaching out. I don’t know how I will be able to help you, but I would be very happy to talk to you if you would like. This is my phone number, and if you would like, we could meet at the university to further talk about your worries.

Warm regards,

Kim Namjoon

*

Chapter Text

Jimin has frequented this café before.

It’s nice, and was normally operated and manned by fellow students. It was opened by one of the university’s alumni so it’s also frequented by the lecturers and various other staff. It’s a nice atmosphere and the food and drinks were good too. Even during the summer break, students and other staff still enjoyed coming here and Jimin blends in.

But he also feels like he’s a bit of an imposter.

He recognizes, just by face, some other fellow students from the Liberal Arts faculty. Immediately, Jimin feels a bit self-conscious. Almost as though he didn’t belong.

He’s too early for the meeting.

The email he received from Kim Namjoon had nearly upended his whole morning because honestly Jimin was not expecting a response so soon. They agreed to meet on Friday in the afternoon and now that it’s Friday, and in the afternoon, Jimin is suffering from a severe nervous bout of fidgets.

His foot hasn’t stopped bouncing, all of his toes tense. His shins feels like they might cramp soon from being so tense, and his shoulders were starting to hurt as well.

Jimin feels much too hot despite the fact that he’s just wearing a cotton shirt and linen pants. He also feels drastically cold when the air-con hits him, and he breaks out into cold sweat. He keeps wiping his palms on his pants, dabbing at his upper-lip and brow.

Drinking coffee was not a good idea, as Taehyung had warned him, so Jimin instead ordered an iced yuzu-tea. It’s nearly finished but he doesn’t recall the flavor or if he liked it at all.

Tae-Tae:

Is he there yet?

Chim:

No

Not yet

I’m just really early

Tae-Tae:

Youre ot drinking coffee are you???

Chim:

No!

Tae-Tae:

Making sure

It was almost 4- the time they agreed to meet.

This Kim Namjoon sounded like a nice person. Taehyung instantly suggested they try and find him on social media. It was difficult at first, but they were able to indeed track him down.

And Jimin is intimated for many reasons.

They find that he’s a Masters student, studying anthropology, incredibly handsome, dimpled, tall, a great love for art (Taehyung approved), and somewhat incredibly down-to-earth and goofy, judging by his Instagram posts and captions.

Jimin is very intimidated.

Just as he’s thinking of going to the washroom to wash his hands for the 3^rd time, Kim Namjoon walks into the café, 5 minutes before it’s 4 o’clock.

Of course he instantly recognizes him- has stalked him on several social media platforms. But oh god how was he going to say hi? Get his attention?

But that’s taken care of because Kim Namjoon looks around the café, squinting a little as he takes his phone out of his bag, before he gets to Jimin. Then his eyes light up in recognition and he waves.

Well then.

Kim Namjoon is taller than Jimin imagined and as he stands, feels the need to sit back down at once.

‘Hi! You’re Park Jimin right?’

He also had such a nice soothing voice, now Jimin is fearful that he’s going to just breakdown and cry, begging to be comforted by this pleasant-voiced put-together adult-man.

‘Uh yeah!’ Jimin is still standing, despite wishing he wasn’t, and he bows, ‘I’m Park Jimin, thank you again so much for this it really means a lot!’

‘No worries,’ Namjoon waves both hands up, ‘I understand where you’re coming from, and in times like these, it’s best to be able to talk it out before you think yourself into a funk.’

Well, probably a bit too late for that, but Jimin doesn’t say that.

Namjoon orders a drink and Jimin asks for a refill for his tea.

‘So!’ Namjoon starts, smiling warmly at Jimin. ‘Mr. Shin is your advisor? He was mine when I was here.’

‘Oh!’ Jimin hadn’t known that.

‘Yeah.’

Jimin isn’t this bad. In fact, he’s actually great at starting up easy conversation with most people. But today it’s like there’s a weight in his stomach, making it difficult to breathe in air to voice out any thoughts filtering out of the white-noise mess inside his brain.

But Namjoon just gives him an understanding smile, like he was able to figure out what was going on in Jimin’s mind.

‘It’s okay,’ he says reassuringly, ‘To be honest, internship was kinda harrowing for me too.’

‘It was?’ Jimin has only heard either neutral or completely enthusiastic reports on his classmates experiences during internship. Either they were lying, or well, telling the truth and were quite happy with what they did. And Jimin doesn’t want to push his classmates to give him an answer he’s looking for just to justify his own feelings. In fact, in a way, he’s almost happy that none of his other classmates experienced this. It meant that at least, if there were more better experiences, the likeliness of coming across a decent workplace was higher, right? Jimin had run that theory by Taehyung and his best friend had tried to agree but failed to be convincing.

‘Oh absolutely,’ Namjoon laughs, ‘I was simultaneously under-worked and over-worked. Not to mention unpaid.’

‘What?!’

‘Yeah,’ Namjoon laughs like it was a funny memory, ‘There’s a lot of wrong in the whole idea of internship. Or at least, how it’s executed these days. Theoretically, the idea of internships is good; practical learning and experience is one of the most full-proof methods of knowing whether or not what you’re studying for is right for you, or at least to offer a raw perspective on things.’

Jimin nods at once in agreement.

‘But it’s kinda been, well, shit, for a while now,’ Namjoon sighs heavily, shrugging funnily. ‘I understand why you’re so daunted.’

‘Yeah it’s just-‘ Jimin starts, fiddling with his sleeves, ‘It’s not like- it’s not like I was expecting internship to be some- like some romanticized movie or drama. I wasn’t expecting great things. But I just…wasn’t quite expecting the very idea of…work and of…of productivity? To be such a…such a crushing experience.’

Namjoon gives him a sort of weary smile, nodding at his words.

‘And then it just all- I mean at first I ignored it. I thought it was…I was just lacking, the ability to adapt. Or that it was a new environment with people I didn’t know. But after a while I just- I just hated everything so much.’ Jimin explains, ‘And I could see how much everyone hated where they were. And they’d talk to me, and tell me things like I was gonna be just like them. Like I was about to…about to graduate and also just…hate everything. I don’t want to do that!’

Namjoon gives him a sympathetic look before saying, ‘I’m sorry you had to meet people like that.’

Jimin just shrugs before asking hesitantly, ‘Am I slow for realizing this just now?’

‘Realizing this?’ Namjoon repeats kindly, asking Jimin to elaborate.

‘Realizing how, I guess, the world really works.’ Jimin sighs out.

Namjoon gives him a smile.

‘Jimin, I’ll be honest, nearly everyone who has gone through university has been in your place,’ he tells him bluntly, ‘I promise you, everyone goes through this. It’s almost a rite of passage at this point. Even people who look like they’ve figured everything out, who look like they’re really sure about what they want to do, they all doubt themselves. I still doubt myself too time to time. It’s just…it happens.’

Jimin must look…-well, he’s not sure because Namjoon gives him another understanding smile.

‘Society often places too much of a burden on people,’ he states out of nowhere, ‘Society expects us to know and understand all the nuances of the world- forces of work that go well past basic work dynamics or power-play. We are expected to just know everything we want at the get-go. Right off of school, we’re expected to embrace independence when just some months ago, we had to ask permission to leave the classroom in order to use the toilet.’ He laughs a little, ‘Then there’s also that sense of angry superiority; people who think optimism or situational ignorance are signs of weakness and a lack of sensibility and detachment from reality.’

Jimin’s not sure if he’s supposed to be feeling better or not.

‘We all live our lives at our own pace,’ Namjoon tells him, ‘Our realities are different from each others- our truths are different from each others. And it’s not just on the basis of strangers.’ He gestures around the café, ‘-everyone in this café is probably from the university. But we’re not on the same page about anything other than being in this café right now. You and I are from the same faculty here, but we’re living different lives. We cannot hold up someone to the progressions of our lives and expect them to match up.’

Jimin sort of nods slowly.

‘Sorry,’ Namjoon grins sheepishly, rubbing at the back of his neck. ‘I know that- that probably didn’t really explain much. But it’s just…don’t feel like you’re any less for not seeing something in a specific way – not when that “something” is the result of a world that glorifies overwork and increasingly higher levels of qualifications.’

Jimin’s not sure what to do, so he takes a sip.

He understands what Namjoon is telling him. Understands his points- but at the same time, it almost feels too advanced. As though he hasn’t quite reached that level of being to have those worries- and now Jimin is wondering what he’s missing in this “real world” that what Namjoon has mentioned has never clicked with him before.

Suddenly, Jimin feels a little sick.

‘How uh, did you decide to do your masters?’ Jimin asks, knowing that it’s quite off-topic from what Namjoon had just said. He should probably acknowledge what Namjoon has said, knowing that it was probably incredibly insightful and probably very “deep” but it’s not quite what Jimin needs. He’s not at that level yet.

If Namjoon is taken aback by his question, he doesn’t show it. Instead he replies easily enough, ‘I guess I’ve always wanted a better understanding of what makes us us.’ He replies, filling Jimin with more dread in a sense. To his absolute horror, he almost feels himself not paying attention, his mind nearly drifting off to something else. ‘I almost thought of going into psychology actually, but chose anthropology instead.’

‘That’s- cool,’ Jimin hopes Namjoon doesn’t notice his slight delay. ‘But did you choose anthropology just because you were interested in it?’

Namjoon nods slowly, a thoughtful look overtaking his face, ‘It’s not mainly that,’ he explains, giving Jimin some hope, ‘It’s not something most people would look at and think it’s profitable in this day and age. But I guess, for me, it gives me satisfaction- a sense of fulfilment from doing something I enjoy and love.’

Jimin’s stomach clenches, an odd cold chill taking over him briefly.

He didn’t have that.

Didn’t have anything that gave him that sense of fulfilment or something that offered him enjoyment. What did that make him?

Namjoon is still speaking, and Jimin tries his best to listen.

Jimin knows- he knows that this meeting is actually quite an insightful and open one. Namjoon was obviously an amazing person, with an excellent grasp of what he wanted, grounded in reality and understanding, with the capacity to look past that and learn from around him.

But Jimin doesn’t even know how to start. Doesn’t know what to make of this.

He feels like he’s trying to swim, but instead of starting off in a pool, in a controlled environment, Namjoon is introducing him to an ocean. And it’s not Namjoon’s fault. In fact, Namjoon himself said it earlier; Our realities are different from each others- our truths are different from each others.  

‘What do you want to do?’ Namjoon asks him.

‘I don’t know,’ Jimin replies honestly, ‘I- I didn’t think…- and it’s not like I senselessly just pursued this degree.’

Jimin knows he sounds like he’s trying to excuse himself. And maybe he was. Because suddenly he feels insignificant and child-like before Namjoon.

Namjoon who has graduated, pursuing his masters degree, stepping ahead in his life knowing what he wants to do, knowing what he loves, what gives him joy and purpose: and Jimin was just here, not knowing anything.

‘It takes time,’ Namjoon tells him earnestly, pushing aside his cup. Jimin doesn’t realize that quite a bit of time had gone past. But for the life of him, he can’t quite recall all that was discussed- like what Namjoon was saying just slipped in through one ear, and out the next.

‘Maybe looking into what perked your interest in your studies can help you out?’ Namjoon suggests. ‘Was there anything that struck out to you? Like, you were particularly interested in it.’

Jimin has already thought this out, and it’s with embarrassment that he has to admit nothing sticks out to him. And it’s embarrassment that leads him to say, ‘Yeah, I think, there might be a few courses that were interesting.’

He doesn’t want Namjoon thinking he’s gone through 3 years of education, not being interested in any one particular thing. Even if that was the truth.

‘Build from there,’ Namjoon tells him, again his tone is earnest and genuine, ‘What are the aspects in that that you enjoyed- is there a correlating major that can help you enhance that? Or maybe even seminars you can sign up for to get better- no wait, broader-,’ Namjoon chuckles, ‘-insight? It’s definitely an angle you can take.’

Jimin just nods, tacking on a smile he’s sure is somewhat convincing.

They talk a little more, Jimin redirecting the conversation so that Namjoon spoke more because he can’t talk about himself.

Namjoon is a genuinely wonderful person; talking to him was actually fun. He had such a wonderful outlook- reflected by his mannerism and choice of words. There’s no sense of entitled self-importance to him, no sense of superiority- in fact he’s so grounded and open, Jimin is almost worried for him now.

Towards the end of their meeting, Jimin excuses himself to the bathroom.

He feels a weird sense of stagnancy, a mechanical and rather detached awareness of everything around him. He kinda of just wants to go slump in his corner of the library, and just listen to the books around him.

When he comes out, managing to get enough energy or something to complete his meeting with Namjoon, he’s thrown off loop when he finds Namjoon already standing, and talking to someone whose back is turned to him.

Namjoon catches sight of him first, giving him a big smile.

The other man turns around.

Jimin doesn’t recognize him. He’s Jimin’s height, dark messy hair, a sleepy (tired?) expression on his face. His face is impassive, but there’s no hostility or aggression in his countenance. He’s quite pale, Jimin notes, especially when he’s standing next to Namjoon. He’s dressed rather warmly for the summer, a bag slung over his shoulders.

‘Oh, this is Jimin,’ Namjoon says, introducing the two. ‘Jimin, this is my friend Yoongi. He’s just finished studying here too.’

‘Oh, hi, nice to meet you,’ Jimin greets the stranger politely with a short bow. Yoongi greets him back just as politely, a look on his face that Jimin can’t quite place.

‘Yoongi’s from the Engineering Faculty,’ Namjoon explains.

‘Oh,’ Jimin tries to find something relevant to say, ‘That’s cool.’

Yoongi actually lets out a chuckle that completely changes the somewhat aloof countenance around the man.

‘It’s expensive, that’s what it is,’ Yoongi smiles.

Engineering. Right.

Now that was a concrete degree. Something you did when you actually knew what you were doing. Something that definitely lead to a wide range of accomplishments, security, and professionalism that wasn’t just a load of here-say and vagueness. 

Jimin feels himself shrink even more, feeling smaller than before before these two.

‘Uh, thank you for meeting with me again,’ Jimin addresses Namjoon. He could at least talk to just one of them right now- he can’t imagine talking to both of them simultaneously even though it seemed like Namjoon was inclined to have them all sit for a while longer. But Jimin can’t.

He needed to breathe.

‘Of course,’ Namjoon replies at once. Yoongi steps away a little, as though to give them space.

‘I’m very thankful- for your words, and your advice,’ Jimin manages to get out, shuffling backwards a little. ‘I really mean it.’

‘Not at all,’ Namjoon shakes his head, ‘You can contact me anytime.’

‘Thank you,’ Jimin bows, unable to really look back up at Namjoon now and with as much dignity as possible, leaves the café.

He makes sure to keep at least 5 minutes of walking distance between them before he allows himself to just let go.

All in all, the meeting leaves Jimin feeling both better, and worse.

While it was good to hear that so many students, including Namjoon himself, went through what Jimin was going through, it was still somehow daunting that everyone ultimately made their choices.

Because therein lies Jimin’s biggest issue.

But that was also the biggest issue because there was no one way of fixing it or solving it. Jimin cannot employ Namjoon’s method of getting himself out of his funk because he was not Namjoon.

He didn’t have a dream, or an interest towards any one specific thing. Namjoon did- he made a gamble, was still making a gamble, but was happy with where he was going. He understood the compromise he would have to make, but he was in the end, happy.

And Jimin just wants that too.

But he has no idea where to start- how to start.

He looks around, finding himself close to where the university library was. He pulls his phone out, finding messages from Taehyung, and even from Jungkook.

Tae-Tae:

Tell me how it goes!

Also I’m suddenly craving bread

Should we get subway for dinner

I saw that they have a new spread thing

Its avocado!!!

We can meet up there later if you’re gonna be out longer

Chim:

Hey

I just got out

Tae-Tae:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And???????????

Chim:

It was okay?

Idk

Like

He was really nice

But it was lke

Too advance or seomthing

Idk how to explain it

He was really nice and encouraging

It just felt like I ddint have anythnig to be encougad

If you know waht I mean

Tae-Tae:

Ahhh

=(

Chim:

I feel like I need to

Think stuff for a hwile

Or like

Not think actually

Tae-Tae:

Libryray?

Libray*

Library**

ffs

Chim:

Lol

Yeah

And yeah lets do subway

6 sounds okay?

Tae-Tae:

!!!

Sounds good

Jimin’s feet automatically take him to the library.

He knows the paths, the buildings, the stairs, the trees; all of the visual stops before he makes his way to the building that housed the library. It was open to the public as well, allowing for non-students to come in and access the vast collection of books, research, dissertations, manuals, and the computer labs as well.

The security guard by the doorway recognizes Jimin and barely even glances at his ID even though Jimin always makes sure to show it anyways. Jimin is practically friends with all 4 security guards who change up their schedules depending on their hours and days. He’s also friendly with a few of the staff there; mainly the staff that stay by the check-out station. In fact, he’s so well known (and well-liked, as Taehyung reminds him), he’s not charged for being late in returning his books so his record is impeccable.

The quiet of the library is instantly soothing. Jimin hadn’t even realized how his head had been swimming with sounds. He gently feels at his temples, noting how sensitive and warm they felt. He’s never quite felt like this- the last time he had such a physical reaction was during his 2^nd Year final exams and he had confused his dates. He still passed the exam, but the panic was something that rendered him sick right after the exams. It wasn’t something he would soon forget.

But here he was, feeling like he could possibly have a light fever.

He walks past the security guard; today it’s Mr. Yoon who just nods at him, waving him in without even glancing at his ID. Jimin instantly makes for the 3^rd floor.

The first floor was more of a lounging area, with comfortable couches here and there, study rooms, meeting rooms for students to use, the computer labs, and the older archives. Jimin has seen students pass out in here, knocked out with books in their hands, or groups of people looking as dead as they probably felt. It’s sometimes funny.

This was probably the most populated area in the library. And though not loud, it could often be filled with a consistent low murmur of voices. The second floor was filled with academic writing and other related books. The study desks are lined up here too, and Jimin often catches sight of students bent over the desks, pouring over their books. But during the summer break, it’s quite empty.

The third floor is a blessing. It’s not much of a studying location, instead there are long tables that line up the wide space, and the walls lined with books Jimin knows and adores. And then towards the back of the large space, an area Jimin accidently discovered, is a nice reading alcove, with singular desks that are boxed in with reading lamps attached to a wooden overhead shelf. He’s pretty sure this area is separated potentially for the graduate and PhD students, but it’s normally quite empty when Jimin comes here.

And today, the whole floor is entirely empty save for a maintenance staff member, 2 students on opposite ends of each other, and one of the library staff members returning books back to their rightful places.

Jimin feels so much better, walking to his spot.

It’s not like Jimin is a lover of books- rather, Jimin just loved to read stories.

He didn’t own a lot of books actually- something most people were surprised about when they found out. He knows a lot of people who hoard and buy books, more for the sake of having them rather than reading them. Jimin loved to read, but he rarely reread books; so buying a book seemed a little unnecessary. For him at least.

But today he’s not there to read. He’s there to just empty his mind in the cool dimly lit space he’s made for himself.

Placing his bag over to the side of the desk and slumping onto the chair, Jimin plants his face over his arms as he leans all over his desk.

Closing his eyes, he just breathes in and out.

He almost felt like he couldn’t breathe properly earlier and now his body was oxygen starved.

He stays like that for nearly 30 whole minutes, just emptying his mind and simply breathing. His head stops aching, his temples still a little sore but no longer feverish. Jimin idly wishes it would rain- a nice soothing rain to temper the heated confusion of his mind.

But being here in the library was the next best thing so he sits up, stretching slowly and quietly. He once let out a loud groan mid-stretch and it sounded less groan and more public-indecency. He doesn’t want to repeat that again. He quickly ducks into the washroom and refreshes himself; it really adds to the overall “feeling better” aspect of being here.

He takes his time perusing the books on the shelves. He’s read many, and there’s a few newer ones that look interesting. But Jimin wants something familiar.

He wants to read something familiar, something safe, and something he knows leads to a satisfying and deserved conclusion. Something he desperately wants for himself right now.

He pulls out The Graveyard Book from the shelves. It’s very fitting, Jimin thinks, with the quiet respite of the library all around him.

He makes sure to set a timer on his phone for 5:30 and Jimin loses himself in the pages. And by the time his phone alerts him of the time, Jimin feels lighter and better. He’s about to return the book back to the shelf, but Jimin wants to carry this piece of peace with him back to his room. Making sure he hasn’t forgotten anything, Jimin makes his way down to check the book out.

The summer break normally meant less people in the library; it also meant fewer staff. So it’s not too surprising that no ones manning the checkout desk when Jimin gets there. Normally there were 3 people who manned this desk, with 3 computers. But there’s only one switched on.

Mr. Yoon seems to notice his predicament and he quietly calls to Jimin to tell him he would go get one of the staff from the labs. Jimin bows in thanks and patiently waits. He shoots out a message to Taehyung to tell him he would be leaving soon. He’s scrolling through twitter when he hears someone approaching the checkout desk. He looks up, a smile already on his face, expecting either Mrs. Oh or Ms. Shin but it’s neither of them or any of the library staff he knows.

‘Oh,’ Yoongi looks surprised. ‘Hey.’

Jimin gawks at the pinned lanyard on Yoongi’s shirt, describing him as library staff, unable to say much. And Jimin is suddenly overwhelmed.

He wasn’t expecting to meet Yoongi- why would he? He was really hoping to keep today’s meeting behind him; and that mainly meant Namjoon but most definitely extended to Yoongi too.

Yoongi looked incredibly put together- and he was in Engineering. If anyone knew what they were doing, it would be people in the Engineering department right? He probably thought Liberal Arts was some flimsy no-point degree. And compared to Engineering, Jimin is sure Liberal Arts was far too low to be even considered. This makes him both defensive, as well as unconfident.

‘Hey, you okay?’

Yoongi’s giving him a worried look.

‘Oh yeah- yeah, I’m fine,’ Jimin says hurriedly, looking down at the book, wishing he had just left it. He could always just buy the book- support your authors, shit like that. But it’s too late for that now. Not to mention rude, if he were to just walk away without any explanation. That would obviously make it back to Kim Namjoon, who could potentially tell his advisor- and well-

‘Are you sure?’

Jimin nods quickly, unable to look Yoongi in the eyes. Yoongi doesn’t seem to quite believe him but nods, taking the book and scanning the barcode.

‘ID?’

‘Right,’ Jimin fumbles, pulling his ID from his inner pocket and handing it over. Yoongi scans it as well before handing both ID and book back to him.

‘I love Gaiman,’ Yoongi tells him, sounding very much like he was going to start a conversation about it. ‘Stardust is really good, have you read it?’

Yes Jimin has read it, but he kinda wants to really leave but he doesn’t want to appear rude either.

Fuck.

So he chooses to nod. Yoongi doesn’t seem offended by that, just giving Jimin a smile that Jimin himself can’t see but rather he can sense.

‘Okay, the return date is next week, Friday,’ Yoongi tells him, handing him back the book and his ID.

‘Thank you,’ Jimin takes the items, already stepping back, quickly looking away even though he sees how Yoongi’s about to say something more. ‘Have a nice day!’

Jimin barely waves goodbye at Mr. Yoon in his hurry to leave.

Outside is too loud; almost an assault on his senses so suddenly and abruptly from the silence of the library. Jimin just hurriedly redirects himself to the bus-stop.

By the time he’s at the Subway outlet, Taehyung’s waiting for him outside, bopping a little to music on his earphones. Relief floods Jimin.

Taehyung spots him before he has to wave or make himself known. He’s waving blithely, a smile on his lips as he pulls off his earphones.

‘Hey Chim,’ he grins, nudging him the moment he’s close enough, ‘Hungry?’

Jimin realizes just then that yes. He is very hungry.

‘I could eat a foot-long all by myself.’

The subway outlet isn’t very large, so they take their purchases to a shaded area close to the campus dorms. It’s cooler now that the sun is low, and the breeze has picked up.

‘You look extra dead,’ Taehyung remarks as they find a bench.

‘I feel extra dead,’ Jimin replies with a sigh.

‘Wanna tell me?’

Jimin tells Taehyung everything in nearly perfect detail, including the parts where he couldn’t remember what was being said because he couldn’t help but zone-out completely. He also tells him about Yoongi, and then meeting him at the library.

‘I guess that explains why he looked at me like that,’ Jimin adds as he continues to practically inhale his subway. ‘I guess he’s seen me at the library. I just never been to the labs downstairs.’

But Taehyung isn’t focused on whether or not Yoongi’s seen Jimin before. He has a serious expression on his face, his subway forgotten mid-raise, chipotle southwest sauce dripping onto his wrapper.

Feeling self-conscious, Jimin asks, ‘What is it?’

‘It’s just…’ Taehyung looks over at him worriedly. ‘You’re…I’ve never seen you like this before.’

‘What do you mean?’ Jimin shoves the last bit of subway into his mouth, barely even chewing.

‘I know that…I know that this is quite…heavy on you, but I didn’t think it’d affect you to this level,’ Taehyung leans in, putting away his subway.

‘Uh…what do you mean?’ Jimin asks hesitantly.

‘I…it’s like you’ve lost your confidence.’

Jimin wasn’t like an extremely confident or socially outgoing person in the world. But he was good with talking to people, albeit a little shy at times, but he has never felt this awkward. He’s never really cared much for what people might think about him.

He’s never displayed a reaction like this before.

‘I-‘ Jimin tries to look for words.

‘I know that you’re worried,’ Taehyung continues, ‘I know that you want to find out how to like, solve this- but…I’m also worried you’re trying too hard.’

‘I have to,’ Jimin groans, suddenly feeling too heavy, the subway settling hard in his stomach. ‘I have to or- it’s just…I have a year left Tae. I can’t…I can’t take a break, or take the time to figure things out- I can’t afford it. I need to…I need to fix this. Fuck- I wish I wasn’t aware of this,’ he gestures around him, slumping even more on the bench.

‘Is there anything I can do?’ Taehyung asks softly, reaching over to take Jimin’s hand.

Jimin leans in closer, resting his head on Taehyung’s shoulder.

‘I’m honestly just really happy I have you to talk to.’

*

Jimin receives a message from Namjoon the day after, a series of links to websites and pages Namjoon thought Jimin would find interesting.

He thanks him for the links, but can’t quite find it in himself to look through them.

He’s also unable to finish reading the Graveyard Book. So he asks Taehyung to return it for him.

Unearthing his Kindle from his desk, Jimin absentmindedly finds and downloads Stardust instead.

*

Chapter Text

‘Why are you looking at your phone like that?’

‘…I don’t know what you mean?’

Taehyung gives him a bland look over his own phone. Jimin sighs.

Jimin’s not the type to be on his phone all the time, but he preferred perusing his phone over his laptop while casually going over random social media sites or videos. But he’s taken to propping up his laptop over tables, cushions, and even the floor, reading massive tweets and squinting at too small subtitles on a way too wide video on his laptop screen.

And Jimin has no actual legitimate reason as to why he should ignore his phone. Well, not a reason he can acceptably justify at least. For the past few days, Namjoon’s been sending him links to websites, forums, and videos. And it’s not that’s he’s sending him these messages in hordes. He’ll send maybe a link or two every other day. And normally Jimin would appreciate this level of helpfulness and thoughtfulness. Because he knows he would have appreciated it from his team-members during group work and even during his draining internship. This sort of thoughtfulness was something so oddly rare, and yet now Jimin can’t even look at the messages. It’s not like Namjoon’s asking him his opinions or drilling him about the links he’s sent. He normally pairs the link with a short message like ‘I thought this was an interesting topic! You might enjoy it!’ and a sticker. And Jimin always profusely thanked him, spamming several stickers. He did go through the links at first but somehow, Jimin feels unreceptive to what he’s sent- was it because he was just dumb, or was it because he’s somehow, well, numb?

‘Your phone just lit up- also I haven’t heard it go off at all,’ Taehyung points out, ‘And we all know Jungkook’s the one who has absolutely no notifications on. Why are you avoiding your phone?’

Jimin groans, pushing aside his laptop and slumping over their dining table.

‘It’s just um, Namjoon,’ Jimin gestures to the phone.

‘…is he harassing you?!’ Taehyung exclaims loudly.

‘What?! No!’ Jimin quickly replies, ‘Taehyung what the fuck-‘

‘-sorry! Sorry I was just-,’ Taehyung takes a deep breath, leaning back on his chair, pushing his hair back, ‘I was worried like-‘

‘-no I guess I should’ve started that off a little better,’ Jimin pushes his hands into face. ‘He’s actually being like, the best senior you could ask for, I mean it, he’s so nice, and like, thoughtful.’

‘…but?’

‘But,’ Jimin sighs, ‘It’s like, it feels wasted on me, I dunno.’

Taehyung gives him a thoughtful look, putting his phone away to lean on the table, nearly mirroring Jimin’s posture.

‘Is it like…sometimes when I’m painting, and Mr. Yoon gives me too much advice and I don’t know which one to follow because I haven’t even begun the painting?’

‘…yes.’

‘Ah.’ Taehyung nods thoughtfully, ‘Yeah, I get what you mean then.’

‘What should I do?’

‘…I don’t know,’ Taehyung sighs, ‘I normally just pray he doesn’t walk past me anymore while painting.’

‘I doubt prayers will work right now,’ Jimin remarks dryly.

Taehyung laughs, sitting up to stretch a bit more.

‘So, are you gonna ghost him or something?’

‘No! That’s rude!’ Jimin argues at once.

‘So you’re gonna tell him how the messages make you feel?’

‘…no?’

‘…so you’re gonna spend an unknown amount of time in fear of your message notifications?’

‘…maybe?’

Taehyung gives him another bland look.

‘You literally do the same thing with Mr. Yoon!’ Jimin splutters.

‘I think it’s fair to say our circumstances are very different,’ Taehyung points out, waving a finger at Jimin.

Jimin groans, leaning back painfully on his chair. He knows Taehyung’s right.

‘Can I see what he’s linking?’

‘Yeah sure,’ Jimin pushes his phone towards Taehyung. His best friend easily bypasses his password lock and accesses his messages. Jimin scrolls through his YouTube recommendations without really registering any of the thumbnails. His mind remains empty and Jimin’s thinking of maybe starting up a new book- maybe reread Dune because he’s heard rumors of a movie being made.

‘Hey, this is really cool actually- I’m sending these links to myself.’ Taehyung says out of nowhere.

Jimin looks over at his friend. Taehyung’s focused on the screen, his brows pulling together not quite in a frown, not quite relaxed- it’s the look he has when his interest has been piqued.

‘Yeah go ahead,’ Jimin nods though Taehyung’s already doing it. He guesses it’s something Taehyung would find interesting. Taehyung normally didn’t sit down to read; but he could get lost doing hours and even days of research on some random niche topic related to something he was interested in at that moment. It explained Taehyung’s weirdly detailed knowledge on a variety of topics including but not limited to fireworks, pineapple farming, fast fashion industry, basket weaving, hydroponic vegetables, theories about Atlantis, string theory, and 1930’s shoe making.

Taehyung is now on his phone, blindly shoving his phone back to him across the table. Jimin guesses he should check the new link out and message Namjoon back. At least get it done with.

He notes that the link is about some sort of cultural anthropology and he sees why Taehyung would be interested. He quickly sends a thank you message and also adds that Taehyung was interested in it.

Then he quickly pushes his phone away. Jimin’s filled with a weird restless energy and he doesn’t know what to do. But he suddenly feels confined.

‘I’m just gonna go for a walk,’ Jimin tells Taehyung. ‘Feeling stuffy.’

‘Want me to come?’ Taehyung offers at once.

Jimin shakes his head as he quickly darts back into his room to change out of his shorts.

‘Kinda wanna expel all of this energy,’ he tells him, quickly grabbing his wallet just in case. He forgoes his phone.

‘Pay attention when you cross the roads!’ Taehyung hurriedly yells after him.

‘I will!’ Jimin yells back as he walks out of their apartment.

Outside, Jimin does feel a little better. The heat of the summer is still ongoing but the humidity has dipped, and the wind feels refreshing. Jimin has no clear idea where he’s walking towards. He knows he doesn’t want to head close to the university, so instead he redirects himself towards one of the smaller parks. It’s not very crowded, being a bit too far from the university grounds and where students normally congregated. And Jimin could use some quiet moments away from anything related to his university. Maybe some window shopping?

He knows that past the park was a small shopping district that Taehyung liked to go to to find random things for his projects. Maybe he would also pick up some baked goods or some cake to take back. The idea of finding a good cake perks him a little so Jimin picks up a bit of speed. It was a small thing, but giving himself that tiny task felt like something he could accomplish happily and easily.

Small steps.

Jimin starts feeling quite good actually. He found Taehyung’s favourite art supply store and had looked through the display for a while, appreciating the very expensive supply displayed outside. He makes note of a sale on sketchbooks to tell Taehyung when he gets back home. He pauses here and there, sometimes looking from the outside, sometimes stepping in briefly just to cool down in the air conditioning, sometimes just to look around. It’s a kind of thoughtless activity Jimin can lose himself into, where there was enough engagement but without requiring complete investment. He’s walked quite far he realizes as the sun starts to dip, shadows elongating and traffic slowly increasing as people start preparing to go home after work hours.

He spots a café ahead of him, and to his delight, there’s a bus stop there too. The zebra crossing lights up green and Jimin picks up his pace to make it. He’s so preoccupied with eyeing the green light countdown that he doesn’t check to see if anyone was walking from around the corner.

And sure enough, he collides bodily into someone on a bike, loses balance, and trips up against the other person before ultimately crumpling heavily to the ground. There’s a crashing metal sound as well, and shocked curses.

Movies and videos made colliding appear painless and sometimes quite scenic. Jimin begs to differ. Colliding into someone was both painful, which is first masked by the absolute shock of the action, it’s disorienting, and it’s mortifying too. And even more so when the person you’ve collided against was on a bike.

Jimin knows he’s going to have some bruises somewhere.

‘Fuck- oh god-‘

Jimin is finally able to somehow scan his immediate surrounding and notices that there are groceries everywhere. He internally winces at the torn supermarket bags, rolling cans of tuna, juice, sauces, pickles- a torn bag of tomatoes and unshelled peas, and a partially ripped bag of what appeared to be one of those pricey organically packed coffee beans. The bike is okay though- the wheels still turning.

‘Oh my god-‘ Jimin begins at once, green light forgotten, ‘I’m so sorry-‘

‘Shit, are you okay?’ the other man asks at the same time, managing to crawl up to his knees and-

‘Oh shit-‘ Jimin curses under his breath as he looks up at Namjoon’s friend from the other day, the librarian (?), the engineering student, the-

‘Oh,’ Yoongi recognizes him to Jimin’s absolute dismay. ‘Hey- uh-‘

‘I’m so sorry Yoongi-shii,’ Jimin hurriedly picks up the groceries, ‘I uh, I’m usually always making sure I keep an eye out while walking I was trying to get to the crossing before the green light switched and well-‘ he panics, placing the groceries down, and goes for the bike, making it stand. There’s a few people who stop to help bring back some of Yoongi’s rolled away groceries. Jimin can’t look up, making the bike stand carefully before ducking down to pick things up.

Jimin is sweating. Of course this would happen, of course. He’s almost mad- at what exactly he’s not sure, but he’s almost mad at this point.

‘Hey, it’s okay, accidents happen all the time,’ Yoongi replies, also picking up his fallen groceries and setting them to the side. ‘You’re not hurt?’

‘No, no,’ Jimin shakes his head though honestly he has no idea. Actually, shouldn’t Yoongi be injured? He was the one on the bike. He takes a moment to look over Yoongi quickly to check if the other man was injured at all only to find him looking at him. He quickly looks away, grabbing the dented can of tuna, ‘I’m fine- uh, just shocked I guess.’

‘Uh, yeah,’ Yoongi manages to get out.

Jimin’s insides are boiling. And it boils even more when he realizes that Yoongi will not be able to carry back any of his groceries now. Not when he had only 2 surviving bags left with him and no basket on his bike.

‘I- I’m so sorry,’ Jimin repeats again, cradling a tub of chili paste and a forlorn tomato to his chest. ‘I’m truly sorry.’

‘Hey,’ Yoongi frowns a little, dusting off his knees, ‘It’s okay- shit happens, right? No permanent damage or injury.’

He gives him a smile and Jimin looks down at his bike.

‘Please let me help you carry these back,’ Jimin offers quickly, unthinkingly. ‘Uh- it’s my fault you won’t be able to carry them back.’

Yoongi looks like he’s thinking it through. He looks at the neatly stacked snordasborg of groceries by his bike. Someone walks up and hands him a can of mackerel with a sympathetic smile. Both Yoongi and Jimin bow in thanks at the same time.

‘If, uh, I mean, thank you,’ Yoongi says with a slight shrug, giving him another brief smile. Jimin tries to return it, guilt and shame eating up at him.

With some planning and redistribution of groceries in the existing bags, Jimin cradles a previously unobserved torn bag of oranges and the bag of tomatoes, pockets the canned mackerel and tub of chili paste in his shirt (that by luck had pockets), and tucks the wine vinegar bottle under one arm. Yoongi is wearing a thin jacket with pockets which he stuffs with canned tuna and other smaller items fallen here and there.

And then they set off.

And it’s awkward as hell.

Jimin is still sweating- a result of unexpected accidents, nerves, anxiety, and the summer heat in general. Yoongi keeps looking over at him with a worried look, seemingly unsure how to break the silence between them.

And well, Jimin is internally dying.

He’s attacked by a flurry of thoughts and worries. What if Yoongi tells Namjoon about this. Not only would Jimin appear to be clueless about his life, but here he was, running straight into unsuspecting people on their bikes out in broad daylight. It’s not like Yoongi looks like the kind of person to gossip and talk shit about people, but honestly, Jimin’s experience at his internship not just displayed a whole new level of pettiness and gossip, but also starkly showed him how much of an effect it actually did have, and what the subsequent consequences of such gossip and remarks made. He glances at Yoongi surreptitiously.

For some reason he hadn’t thought of Yoongi as the type to ride a bike. Not that he’d actively been thinking about him and what mode of transportation he would take. It just somehow didn’t seem to match up much.

This awkward strained silence continues for the next several minutes until Yoongi clearly seems to no longer be able to stand it. Great, now Jimin also feels bad for imposing such an awkward situation onto someone else.

‘So did you finish the book?’

‘Oh-‘ Jimin adjusts the items in his arms, ‘Uh, yeah, I did.’

‘Ah.’

Jimin groans internally.

‘I uh, I’ve actually read it before,’ Jimin explains, ‘Just wanted to reread it again.’

‘Gaiman’s books are like that,’ Yoongi looks at him though Jimin keeps looking ahead. ‘What other authors do you read? Or you don’t exactly have a favourite?’

‘Yeah,’ Jimin replies quickly, ‘I mean, yes, I read a lot of different books- no specific favourites I guess. Just, uh, a lot of appreciation.’

‘Yeah?’ Yoongi sounds like he’s smiling and Jimin’s not sure if it’s in a mocking kind of way or not. He normally wouldn’t be so bothered by this- in fact, he really wouldn’t be bothered at all. In fact, he’d probably try and challenge the question/statement but he’s coming up blank.

They reach a sloping street heading upwards. It’s smaller than the other streets and it seemed to slip into a sort of residential area further upwards. The sun’s gone down now, but the sky was still bright, the clouds in shades of gold and pink reflected on glass windows above him.

They start to ascend the gentle slope in continued silence until Yoongi asks him, ‘I haven’t seen you at the library recently.’

Jimin looks around at the other man in surprise. Yoongi offers him a small smile.

‘I used to work at the check out desk frequently,’ he explains.

That would probably explain the day Jimin first met Yoongi at the café with Namjoon. He had recognized him from the library.

‘Ah, yeah, I’ve been a little preoccupied I guess?’ Jimin replies hesitantly.

‘The university library offers a pick-up and drop-off service if you’re living in the campus grounds,’ Yoongi informs him.

‘Yeah, I uh, I don’t live in campus grounds,’ Jimin explains, ‘Also, I’m just reading through my kindle now.’

He regrets it the moment he says it. A lot of people viewed reading on kindles as something of a lesser activity over books. He is painfully reminded of how two of his seniors and another intern had spent nearly the entire day not quite making fun of him for his kindle, but making comments and statements about kindles.

‘I’ve been meaning to get a kindle,’ Yoongi tells him instead, to his surprise, ‘But I’m saving up for other things right now- it’ll have to wait. Do you prefer it over paper books?’

‘Oh- uh,’ Jimin doesn’t know how to answer for a moment, ‘Uh- I mean I guess it depends? It’s a lot lighter. And it’s easier to take with you when you’re travelling. The battery lasts a really long time too, reading at night is fun too.’

‘Yeah that’s one of the reasons why I want it,’ Yoongi nods.

‘I think you can find some decent second-hand ones?’ Jimin offers, ‘Online, I think.’

‘Oh,’ Yoongi frowns comically, ‘Why didn’t I think of that.’

Jimin chuckles.

The silence after that is not as awkward anymore. In fact, it feels quite nice. They occasionally pause to let a car pass by, and Yoongi tells him his place is almost around at the top. Jimin just nods in reply, telling the elder he had no problem.

They arrive at what is clearly the side/back gate. The brick walls are covered in chipped plaster and old ivy growing wild and untrimmed, up the wall and over an awning, up to what Jimin suspects is Yoongi’s house? He lived in a house house?

Yoongi opens the small gate and gestures to Jimin to enter first. It’s a narrow stone walkway that split around the house in the center. There’s another gate ahead, down the walkway. There are pots of plants here and there- mainly evergreen shrubs and plants, lined up under the curtain drawn wide windows. But to his side, the walkway leads up to the side-entrance of the house. There’s a raised tiled area there, with a shoe rack and several boxes and crates stacked up, collecting odds and ends. There’s also a water-bowl to the side. The walkway is protected by the awning and the thick ivy that’s silhouetted in the frosty texture of the plastic awning. He can’t see the neighbours houses, but he can hear the sound of cooking coming through from somewhere, and the sound of water sprinklers being set off. He also hears the faint music of a radio jingle from somewhere to the side.

Stepping a little to the side, Jimin continues to look around. In an odd way, the place was charming. Jimin almost feels like he’s walked into a secret. Though he’s not sure why or how.

Yoongi parks his bike against the ivy-covered wall and Jimin follows him down the walkway rather than to the side. Yoongi easily opens the simple latch of the small gate and pushes it open.

Jimin is first met with a breath of a cool breeze, promising the approach of autumn. Then he’s met by a breathtaking sight.

He doesn’t even notice how he’s taking steps forward- doesn’t quite hear Yoongi speaking to him.

The gateway opens to a platform that lead downwards on stone and wood stairs, the ivy growing all the way down here. The awning lets up, opening up the sky high above, and as though showing him the way, the stairs lead down and into the city before him.

The light from the rosy gold clouds and deepening indigo horizon bathes the whole city in a rush of deep cool colours, highlighted by twinkling electrical stars. Constellations forming between each growing light point as traffic builds and moves forward and backwards across this haze of concrete life.

‘Um- is everything okay?’

Yoongi’s voice snaps him back and Jimin finds Yoongi looking at him with a hint of concern but also understanding. Like he knew how he felt looking upon the view before him.

‘Oh- it’s just-,’ Jimin looks back around to the view, the breeze picks up here and his hair, slightly damp around his temples, moves about. ‘It’s really beautiful here. You have a beautiful view.’

Yoongi looks around at the view with a smile.

‘Yeah, it’s a nice place to sit and just look out sometimes. It’s nice when it rains too.’

Jimin can imagine that. Oh, he can really imagine that. He lets out a quiet sigh, as though satisfied with what lay before him.

Yoongi descends the stairs and Jimin follows slowly. He keeps an eye on the stairs (no falling over the second time for the day), and on the view.

It’s odd because though there are walls on either side of him, Jimin can’t help but feel like he’s afloat up here. They reach a landing that’s also part balcony. There are laundry wires extending from one side to the other, mismatched laundry clips swinging in the breeze. There’s a bench to the side, and a few more potted plants. It’s quite neat, Jimin observes quickly before looking further around as Yoongi places the groceries he was carrying on the bench to open the doors. Jimin looks down and finds that there’s a whole neighbourhood sprawled about, tiny gulley and streets connecting all around lived-in homes, small corner shops and cafes closer to the street to the far left, trees cropping up, and gardens blooming about in varying forms and colours. The sky above is slowly darkening, and far ahead the western skies are already dark, the clouds a deep grey eclipsed in faint hues of the now fading sunset.

This place would be beautiful during the sunrise, Jimin ruminates.

Looking about, he finds that Yoongi’s already opened the door and was just waiting for him.

‘Ah,’ Jimin hastily walks away from the edge of the balcony, ‘Got distracted.’

Yoongi just shakes his head, giving him another smile.

Inside it’s the kitchen area, and a dining/living kind of space. It’s a bit more messy here- but in a way that suggested people definitely lived here. There’s stacks of magazines and books over onto the side, spilling to the floor, and up the stuffed shelves. It’s not dusty though, meaning they were frequently perused or at least cleaned and dusted regularly. There’s a comfortable couch below the square windows, a low coffee table, and mismatched chairs and stools spaced about randomly. The kitchen area is not very big- but there’s a nice deep sink, a partially filled dish-rack, a very used but clean microwave, an equally used rice-cooker, and an electric kettle. The cabinets appear old in terms of style- a bit bulky, with frosted glass and oddly elegant silver handles. The fridge is an old model too, but maintained well. The front of it is covered in what appeared to be billing memos, handwritten notes, list of phone numbers, and random bright magnets all about it. Past the kitchen is a slightly narrow door that Jimin guesses lead to a washroom, and across that a staircase leading upwards.

‘Uh, you can just keep those on the dining table,’ Yoongi points to the table from the doorway as he picks up his groceries again.

Jimin nods and sets the items in his arms down. He pulls out all of the different things he’d stuffed into his pockets, and realizes with some amusement his arms are a little sore.

‘Thanks again,’ Yoongi says as he brings in the groceries.

‘It was my fault,’ Jimin repeats again, ‘It was no problem, I would have felt awful if I didn’t help.’

Yoongi just gives him a sheepish smile and shrug.

Jimin is filled with curiosity as he looks about.

‘Do you live here with your family?’ Jimin asks, looking at the walls at the random framed photographs, hanging calendar, a random Kumamon wall clock, and shelves carrying odd bits and ends.

‘With my uncle and grand-aunt,’ Yoongi says with a short laugh.

It sort of explains the odd (but still quite clean) disarray of the place.

‘They run the shop upstairs, and I help out when I can,’ Yoongi explains.

‘Oh,’ Jimin blinks, looking up at the ceiling. ‘Uh, what kind of store?’

Yoongi haphazardly shoves his groceries inside the fridge, wincing a little as a few glass bottles clang noisily before shutting the door and looking up with a smile.

‘We’re closed today- but you wanna see?’ Yoongi offers, jerking his thumb back to the staircase that lead upwards. He looks a little awkward, like he doesn’t know what to say- it makes Jimin feel a little better. ‘Uh- there’s also a bus-stop that’s not too far, it’ll take you back to the campus grounds area as well.’

Jimin follows Yoongi up, unsure what to expect. He also belatedly realizes he knows next to nothing about this guy, and he was just walking about inside his home without anyone knowing a thing about his whereabouts.

It’s dim upstairs, but there’s a faint golden light from somewhere. As though the final light of the sunset was somehow trapped in the air, lingering a shade brighter than the deepening shadows. Jimin comes to a stop at the top of the stairs.

The stairs lead up to a wide workshop, separated from the other areas by large open shelves filled with odd items that were most definitely heirlooms of some sort. Porcelain vases, celadon green pottery, fine bone china so thin Jimin is afraid of breaking them by just looking at them. Great bronze and copper jars, traditional animal skin drums, odd wooden carvings- there’s a comfortable couch pushed up to one side, and a large work-table at the center. There are several lamps, tool kits, a variety of random containers and reused takeaway food containers, and from the edge of the table, soldering tools and drills. At the center edge of the table, before a worn and weathered bench, was a cleared out area, with a cutting mat laid out. It’s cluttered with slim delicate looking tools, and a carefully categorized tray with little gears and odd bits and ends about it.

‘Just a sec I’ll get the lights,’ Yoongi is saying, ‘The shutters are shut so it’s kinda dim.’

Jimin can’t quite reply- because he knows where he is. Jimin knows this place.

Not that he’s been here. He’s walked past it, he knows he has. At one point he has. And he’s quite sure Taehyung would have come here at least once before.

This was the antique store. Min’s Antiques and Repairs, if Jimin isn’t mistaken.

Jimin hesitates walking after Yoongi. He’s suddenly afraid of breaking something. Slowly, he makes his way across, keeping his hands together in front of him, trying to make himself small though the place is wide and spacious. As he walks out of the gap between the shelves, Yoongi finds the main light switches and the whole shop lights up.

It’s not a very large store by any means. But it’s been arranged delightfully- almost like a café with round-top tables sequenced about the place, carrying instead of a menu and table décor a wide variety of wondrous and strange items. Subtly categorizing the shop are low open vintage mahogany racks and traditional hand-painted drawers creating divides and walkways about the place. There are heavy walnut benches, delicately painted tea-tables, and a massive pigeon-hole drawer to one end of the shop. Everything from temple horns, waxed and worn wooden looms, gramophone players – there’s even a stunning piano forte to one side.

There’s a very heavy and very obviously old desk to Jimin’s immediate right. A traditional tilling machine sat atop it, but beneath the desk in the leg space area is a folded laptop. There’s a sense of chaos in the store- almost like everything was shoved into certain areas, but there’s a method to the madness, so to speak. Jimin can clearly see the categories, can see how items were separated and arranged. Certain items are kept inside clean glass cases, some are set atop sturdy pillars. The ceiling is not forgotten either: beautiful lamps and chandeliers and candelabras are hooked up at random heights and intervals. Some of them are lit, casting a haze of lighting that seems to transport Jimin to another time – to a place before his lifetime, or maybe even a time after this.

The lights are a warm amber light. Mixed with the cool fluorescent lights faintly leaking inside from the outside world, Jimin feels like he’s stepped into some hidden world.

Jimin doesn’t realize he’s been sort of shuffling on his feet, looking around the place in complete silence until he catches sight of Yoongi whose been sheepishly trying to get his attention it seems.

‘Oh!’ Jimin startles, ‘I’m sorry uh- what were you saying?’

He winces at himself, but he can’t help it. Yoongi doesn’t seem put-off, instead he has a sort of understanding smile.

‘Uh, we have a collection of vintage books,’ Yoongi jerks his thumb to one of the low shelves. ‘If you’re uh, interested.’

Jimin’s feet are moving before his mind can catch up and Yoongi just sort of grins. Jimin squats down by the slightly faded dark green shelf. The books are definitely old, but they’re neatly stacked in alphabetical order. There’s a variety of languages in the modest collection. Titles Jimin has never heard of- genres of writings he’s never really paid attention to before. There’s a slim book that Jimin gently pulls out, internally crying at how beautiful it was. He can imagine Taehyung’s reaction to this; the old slightly yellowing pages are filled with delicate illustrations of flowers, birds, and insects in impossibly smooth water colour strokes.

‘Here.’

Jimin looks up to find Yoongi extending a wooden stool to him. Jimin takes it and sits back on it. Yoongi does the same, though he sits a little to the side.

‘These are beautiful,’ Jimin says reverently, gently touching an illustration of a water lilies. ‘Do you find these and bring them here, or is it donated to the shop?’

‘Both,’ Yoongi explains, leaning his elbow over on one knee as he rests his head on his hand. ‘My uncle finds rare goods around the country, sometimes he goes out of the country to look for them too. People come to pawn their things here too, but we don’t do that too often anymore.’

‘You said you help out here?’ Jimin carefully places the book back, ‘What do you do?’

He suspects that maybe Yoongi helps out in the whole computer side of the business. Creating logs and archives, maybe even setting up a database of their collection.

‘Ah, I help out with repairs,’ is the answer Yoongi gives him instead.

‘…-repairs?’ Jimin pauses in taking out a book.

‘Yeah, like this one-‘ Yoongi actually reaches into the shelf and carefully pulls out an old book. ‘This one came to us crumbling apart- the pages were a mess, the binding literally breaking. It took me nearly 2 months to put it back together.’

Jimin takes the book from Yoongi reverently. It’s a collection of poems.

‘You repaired this?’ Jimin asks, stunned.

Yoongi looks a little embarrassed, ‘Yeah. Books are tricky though, I’m not very proud of it.’

‘I can’t- I can’t even tell that it was repaired,’ Jimin says bluntly, turning the book over and around. And it’s true. He doesn’t see any telltale signs. ‘You repair other things?’

‘Yeah, it’s kinda my thing I guess?’ Yoongi scratches at the side of his neck, one foot bouncing like he was nervous. ‘It’s something I picked up from my grand-aunt. This is her shop.’

‘Wow,’ Jimin breathes out, looking about before he asks, ‘Wait, but why are you in mechanical engineering then?’

The moment he asks, Jimin realizes his question could sound quite rude. But to his relief Yoongi just chuckles.

‘Well, in this modern world, you can’t always do what you love right? There’s only so much you can capitalize on, before things become impractical or worse, you get permanent burn-out. I’ve always been good at fixing things, so mechanics seemed to be the most practical choice I guess.’ Yoongi adds with a small shrug.

Jimin has many questions and thoughts and he can’t voice them out right now without sounding too invasive or possibly rude.

‘Also I guess you can say I am no longer in mechanical engineering, I finished last semester.’

‘Oh-‘ Jimin frowns and before he can ask, Yoongi replies.

‘I was on scholarship- had to pay back the university, so I work at the library. That, and I used to help freshman out during their first semester at the faculty,’ Yoongi explains.

‘Oh,’ Jimin says softly.

It’s quiet again and Jimin is only gently dragging the tips of his fingers over the spines of the books in front of him.

‘Uh, Namjoon told me that you’re his junior?’ Yoongi ventures out to ask.

‘Yeah,’ Jimin nods, tucking his hands under his knees, rocking forward and backwards a little, ‘I uh, guess I needed some advise from a senior, about fourth year and all that.’

Yoongi nods. But Jimin doesn’t quite want to talk about it so he asks.

‘So this is your great-aunt’s store? That’s so cool.’

‘Yeah,’ Yoongi grins, looking around with a pleased smile.

‘Will you uh, continue to work here? Or uh, do something in engineering?’ Jimin pulls a funny face and adds, ‘I don’t know much about engineering to be honest.’

Yoongi just smiles, rubbing at the side of his nose before answering, ‘Uh, actually I’m going for an apprenticeship.’

‘Wow,’ Jimin turns a little in his stool, ‘I didn’t know engineering had apprenticeships?’

‘It’s not in engineering,’ Yoongi explains, ‘I’m going to study under a restoration craftsman –be her apprentice for a year or so I think, see if I can hold up in that field.’

Again, Jimin has a lot of questions. But only one comes to his tongue.

‘What if you can’t?’

‘Can’t what?’

‘Hold up.’

‘Well,’ Yoongi gives him a small shrug before standing up, ‘It’s too soon to be worrying about that I’d say.’

‘Right- right, you’re right,’ Jimin hastily covers up as he stands up too, ‘I didn’t mean that in-‘

‘I understand,’ Yoongi walks over to the desk with the tilling machine, ‘I’ve had people ask me that too. I think a lot of people might think I’m being impractical or maybe even a little out of my mind?’

‘Well, uh, I guess, it’s good to have a dream?’ Jimin says carefully as Yoongi ducks behind the desk and Jimin hears the telltale sounds of a computer being switched on, ‘Or like, have something, you actively want to pursue? It gives you ambition and drive I guess?’

Yoongi pulls out a microfiber cloth from a drawer, absentmindedly wiping at the counter for a moment before finally speaking.

‘I wouldn’t say that, I think,’ he pauses his actions for a second before he continues to wipe the spotless wooden surface.

‘What?’ Jimin is taken aback. ‘What do you mean?’

Yoongi takes a moment, a thoughtful expression crossing his face as he folds the cloth in his hands a few times over.

‘I think people sometimes place too much importance in a “dream-job”, or having a “dream”, and experiencing fulfilment from your work,’ Yoongi shoves the microfiber cloth back into the drawer, ‘Obviously, there’s a point to be made there, but I think the fact that there are people who cannot choose what they do should also be considered. Do these people working jobs they don’t enjoy mean they’re leading unfulfilled lives? Or that it’s our own individual responsibility to make sure we achieve that “dream” job and fulfilment?’ Yoongi snorts, letting out a small huff of a laugh, ‘And who can even define what job fulfilment defines? Like, a definite definition you know? It varies for each person. A job is a job, in all honesty, I don’t think people want to work- I mean, I know I’d love not to “work” – but that’s not realistic. Fulfilment comes from any and every where, this obsession with…with being a contributing and productive working human is a result of an impossible and forced perception of economics that capitalizes on making you feel guilty if you aren’t working over time every single day, and taking shit from people around you,’ he exhales sharply through his nose before he looks up at Jimin, blinking rapidly. ‘Eh, I’m rambling,’ Yoongi scrunches up his face, looking apologetic.

Jimin has to pick up his jaw from the floor, so to speak, before he’s able to give a response.

‘No, it’s okay!’ Jimin raises both his hands, waving them a little, ‘It’s- I’ve been going through a kind of rough patch. And it’s refreshing, to hear your point of view.’

Yoongi isn’t actually doing anything, just randomly opening drawers, clicking on the mouse a few times, clearing just drawing blue squares over the monitor, clearly feeling sheepish.

‘Final year of uni does that to you,’ Yoongi nods, not looking up at Jimin, ‘Institutionalized academics is a curse.’

The moment he says it, Yoongi seems to balk at his own words. He looks up at Jimin with worry. It makes Jimin laugh out loud.

Yoongi seems to find the whole thing funny too, chuckling under his breath before standing up straight, determinedly not looking up at him. Jimin can’t help but continue to smile widely.

Almost as though on cue, the store phone rings. Yoongi quickly rushes to the side of the counter and picks it up.

Jimin feels something click in his head- he’s not sure what it is, but something clicks and it feels like a door he’s never seen before opening within him, letting in a mysterious light from a world he’s never been aware of.

‘-yeah, I will, don’t worry,’ Yoongi is saying, ‘All right, see you soon, okay-…yeah, I know, 1 to 2 ratio of water, yes…yeah- yeah, okay, bye.’ He looks up with another sheepish smile, ‘You cook rice wrong once, and no one lets you forget even though it’s been over 10 years.’

Jimin laughs.

‘I should get going,’ he says.

‘Oh yeah, of course, uh, thank you for helping me back with the groceries, I mean it, you didn’t have to,’ Yoongi says again as he walks around the desk, gesturing briefly to the main doors.

Yoongi opens the front door padlocks and bars with a series of keys from his pocket as well as a digital code for the door. The sounds of the now pleasant late summer night rushes around Jimin as soon as he steps out. It’s not jarringly contrasting, but there’s a definite change- one that Jimin finds somehow strangely beautiful. Yoongi continues to stand by the doorway, hands now in his pockets.

‘The bus stop is just down the street,’ Yoongi explains, ‘You don’t have to cross, it’ll be the blue one.’

He looks down the street that slopes downwards just a little. It’s not that long a street, and it’s well lit. He’s also able to now clearly pinpoint his location from his memories. Getting back wouldn’t take too long, and he would actually pass by his and Taehyung’s favourite bakery.

‘Thanks again,’ Yoongi says.

Jimin just shakes his head. Instead, somehow, it’s Jimin who wants to thank Yoongi for this odd experience. Maybe it was the time of day he got here, but it almost feels as though he’s lived a full peaceful day in what was probably just an hour. But he just gives him a short bow and waves before turning to walk down the street.

‘Hey Jimin!’

He turns around and catches sight of Yoongi throwing something in his direction. Jimin instinctively catches it- it’s an orange.

‘For the road,’ Yoongi calls, ‘And please don’t run down people while you’re get back home!’

Jimin laughs, clutching the orange to his chest.

‘I’ll try my best!’ he waves one more time, ‘Thank you!’

As he waits for his bus to arrive, Jimin opens the orange. The fragrance lifts through the general pollution of the main street- it brings with it a tiny sense of wonder from the antique store. Jimin slowly savours the sweetness of the orange with a small sigh.

When he arrives back home, he’s met by a slightly worried Taehyung at the door.

‘Hey, I was starting to get worried,’ he says, taking in the small bag Jimin hands him as he toes off his shoes at the doorway. ‘But you look like you feel better- and-,’ he takes a sharp breath, ‘You smell like oranges?’

‘I do- yes, to both of those, and sorry for worrying you,’ Jimin nods, hopping inside and closing the door behind himself, ‘I have had the strangest couple of hours.’

He tells Taehyung everything as they munch through the buttery croissants Jimin brought back.

‘It was like I strayed into a storybook,’ Jimin concludes as Taehyung is throwing out loud oohs and aahs and gasps, leaning in closer with every word, eyes wide with interest.

‘Would it be kinda creepy if we showed up tomorrow at the store?’ he asks after some seconds of stunned silence.

‘Yes.’ Jimin laughs.

‘Ah fuck,’ Taehyung curses sadly.

Later that night, he dreams of ivy covered walls, mismatched fridge magnets, frayed and old books being repaired, and the fragrance of oranges.

Chapter Text

He might have told Taehyung that going to the antique shop the next day would seem a tad bit creepy and possibly slightly desperate, but going to library was absolutely fine.

And maybe yes Jimin did indeed want to see Yoongi again, but he no longer feels like the library was a “no entry” zone for him anymore. And yes, Jimin knows that most of it was definitely in his own head, but that didn’t stop him from feeling it.

‘So you’re saying that now that you’ve “improved” your impression with Yoongi, therefore with Namjoon, which means with your advisor, you think you can now go to the library without an impending sense of doom looming over you, pulling at the lining of your stomach?’ Taehyung asks slowly from where he was sitting, thick mask over nose and mouth, fan blasting at him, his window flung wide open, mixing together resin for a new project he was working on.

‘I mean, if you put it that way, it doesn’t sound good,’ Jimin frowns, eyeing Taehyung’s project from the doorway, ‘Hey, that’s really pretty.’

Taehyung beams at him, ‘Thank you! But back to what you were saying-‘

‘I just need to get some books! Without spending money on ebooks!’ Jimin throws his hands up.

‘I mean, there’s nothing wrong with that but why did you just spend 10 minutes explaining that to me?’

‘…I needed to say it out loud.’

‘…do you feel better?’

‘Kinda?’

‘That’s good! Right?’

‘Yeah?’

‘You said you wanted to watch His Dark Materials right? Shall we watch when you get back?’

‘Yes!’

‘…right, okay, so, when you coming back?’ Taehyung seems to be holding back a laugh.

‘Uh, not sure? Before dinner?’ Jimin fidgets.

Taehyung just smiles innocently at him, holding up the clear blue resin he had been stirring during Jimin’s very roundabout explanation/announcement that he was going to the library.

‘Have fun!’

Jimin powerwalks out of the apartment.

It was gratifying walking up the library, no longer feeling strangely weighted by the possibility of being judged or something. And though Jimin knows a little better now, knows that Yoongi wouldn’t have gossiped about him to Namjoon in a bad way, the association of the whole interaction had left Jimin feeling bitter about one of his most favourite places in the city.

He smiles at Mr. Yoon as he passes through the library doors. He eyes the desk and finds the regular staff there. One of them smiles at him and Jimin waves. He finds himself looking about without quite realizing what he was doing before stopping himself. He heads upwards, taking the stairs slowly, leaving the quiet noise of the first floor to the cool and still quiet of the third floor. He finds his spot and sits for a moment, keeping his bag down and breathing in the calm of his environment.

His mind calm, his soul at home, and his heart warmed, Jimin leaves his little spot to walk the rows of shelves. He wants to read something new maybe. A new direction, a new view.

He starts with familiar shelves, familiar names, walking past familiar getaways- each story he has lost himself in stirring colours in his memory. Soon, he’s walking through a sky of colour filled clouds, lined with gold, illuminated with stars.

He ventures into a blank stretch of sky, clear blue before him, and above him, deepening into a welcoming night. New spaces for him to discover, new spaces for him to fill up- new stars to form constellations. He follows the light of a star, glimmering just ahead of him, and when he holds it in his hands, opens a new world to him. He keeps track of the star as he returns it to its space, marking its location in the empty space. He reaches for another star, and another, filling his newfound sky.

‘Hey.’

Jimin falls gently from the sky full of stars, their light still bright in his hands as he looks up from the book he was leafing through.

The shelves in the library were open. Two rows of books in each shelf, facing away, allowing their would-be readers a continuous view of shelves through the gaps.

And standing behind the shelf Jimin was in front of is Yoongi.

‘Oh-,’ Jimin feels flustered. Not the way he did the first time he saw Yoongi here. It’s different this time around. ‘Hi.’

Yoongi smiles, resuming his actions of keeping back books onto their corresponding spots.

‘Looking for something new to read? Or a familiar friend?’ he asks, his voice quiet, almost imperceptibly in resonance with the atmosphere of the library. There’s a quiet reserve in his voice, a calm stillness that is deceiving in its depth.

‘Something new I think,’ Jimin replies as quietly as he can, unconsciously stepping a little closer.

‘That one is good,’ Yoongi nods at the book Jimin was holding. Yoongi must have seen it through the shelves. Jimin holds up The Book Thief a little higher, a little closer. ‘It will probably make you cry.’

‘Is this from personal experience?’ Jimin grins.

Yoongi huffs out a small chuckle, ‘Yeah, yeah it is.’

He scratches at his nose, a little self-conscious maybe.

‘Maybe I need a good crying,’ Jimin nods, looking down at the cover again. ‘I will consider this.’

‘Consider this too,’ Yoongi says, pushing a tiny star through the space between them.

The Shadow of the Wind.

‘What’s it about?’

Jimin takes the star from him, a new light shining in his sky.

Yoongi just smiles at him, giving him a small shrug, ‘I don’t know how to describe it- but it’s one of the most visually stimulating books I’ve read.’

The star in his hand gleams at him, promise of colours and shapes and forms from a life yet to live.

‘I will consider it.’ Jimin holds it in the crook of his arm before a thought comes to his mind. ‘You haven’t read all the books in here have you?’

Yoongi laughs quietly, shoulders bouncing a little as he shuffles a few books in his hands, rearranging their order before sliding it neatly into place on the rack above.

‘No,’ he replies, ‘I think that would be impossible- I’ve been here for a little over a year, and working here does actually take up time- keeps you on your feet.’

Jimin doesn’t doubt that.

‘Oh, uh, am I stopping you from your work?’ Jimin winces a little.

Yoongi shakes his head, ‘Nah, it’s all good. I once spent 2 hours assisting the Dean of the Music Department – by assisting I mean being his errand boy. Now that was really stopping me from my work.’

Jimin winces sympathetically.

Jimin just sort of stands there as Yoongi continues to slide books into the shelf. It’s kinda nice- there’s no pressure to speak and Jimin finds that he’s enjoying the quiet with Yoongi here at this moment. But a sudden thought creeps up in his mind- sure he was enjoying it, but was he making things awkward for Yoongi-

‘-we’re actually going to be getting new books,’ Yoongi says, breaking through the quiet lull. He fixes the loose jacket of a book, small frown forming between his brows as he tries to smooth out the folded book jacket. ‘There’s been the usual compilation of donations to the university library from alumni or long-time lecturers, but also a whole list is coming in because of some donor or something.’

‘Oh?’

Yoongi nods, ‘We should be getting them from tomorrow. Though I can’t promise if any of it will actually be good reads- these things have always been rather 50-50.’

It takes a moment for Jimin to realize what Yoongi was actually saying.

‘Around what time?’

‘Maybe 10? In the morning,’ he adds hastily, as though Jimin would confuse how long the library stayed open.

‘If that’s the case,’ he looks down at the books he was keeping in consideration, ‘Will it be uh- well, will you get into trouble if I asked you to keep these safe? Until tomorrow- and if I find nothing that immediately grabs my attention, then I’ll take these two.’

‘I wouldn’t recommend reading both of those books back to back,’ Yoongi says instead, a small wry smile forming on his lips as he leans on the shelf for a second.

‘Why?’ Jimin is genuinely curious, looking down at the rather simple design of the books.

‘Or you could definitely do that if you want,’ Yoongi has a bit of teasing edge to his smile.

Jimin narrows his eyes at him.

‘Suspicious.’

Yoongi just chuckles quietly to himself before he says, ‘I won’t get into trouble for hiding those books- but I could show you what we call the wormhole.’

‘The- the what?’ Jimin laughs.

‘Wormhole,’ Yoongi repeats, lowering his voice into a comically conspiring one but speaking in his normal quiet voice as he says, ‘It’s just a weird break in the shelves past the reading desks at the end. Due to some piping issue, they had to cover one part of the wall so it pushed the shelf on that wall ahead- but somehow, there’s a really weird gap that the other shelf reaches into- we lost a lot of books there before. We do a weekly check of the place for any fallen books- and I know we just did one yesterday. So I think your books are safe there.’

There’s a sort of childish excitement that builds up in Jimin at that.

‘Please show me,’ Jimin nearly demands.

Yoongi looks around conspicuously before he nods his head towards their left. Jimin follows after him from the other side of the shelf.

There’s a strange sense of discovery as Jimin steps out of the shelves and stands almost right next to Yoongi. Like everything that just happened was real- that he wasn’t just steeped into the leaves of a life not yet read. Yoongi gives him a funny conspiring look again and pushing the trolley ahead of him, casually makes his way down past the aisles of reading desks. Jimin suppresses his wide grin and keeps at a good pace a little behind Yoongi. If anything, Jimin was simply asking the librarian for some help looking for a specific book. But there’s no one around to really observe them so all of this was just for their own enjoyment.

Jimin’s been to this corner of the library before but he’s honestly never noticed this weird wall protrusion, the shelf that sticks out, and the part of the shelf hidden away by the protrusion.

‘This is honestly such a weird architectural choice,’ Jimin wheezes as Yoongi takes his books from him and tucks it into the weird angled shelf.

‘Safe and sound,’ Yoongi dusts his hands with a nod.

‘Thank you for sharing the wormhole with me.’

Yoongi scrunches up his nose with amusement, ‘Oh no, that sounded so weird.’

Jimin is wheezing again.

‘Ah, but really, thank you,’ Jimin insists.

Yoongi just shakes his head and waves a hand lazily, ‘Yes yes, well- I should return these now. Will you look around for more potential reads or?’

‘I think I’ll find something short to read,’ Jimin replies, ‘I need to get back- I have His Dark Materials to binge.’

Yoongi gives him a thumb’s up, ‘You’ll love it.’

Jimin goes back to his reading spot after finding a short-story and loses himself in the story for a solid couple of hours. It’s only when he notices that his phone is blinking at him that he shakes himself out of the other life he was exploring. And it’s also when he notices that there’s an orange on the edge of his reading desk.

He instantly looks around but the library is mostly empty, just a few more students like him catching up on their reading or research.

Grinning to himself, Jimin pockets the orange. When he leaves an hour later, he doesn’t see Yoongi again but it’s fine. He shares the orange with Taehyung as they sit down to watch His Dark Materials.

And everyday, Jimin finds and saves new stars in his sky- new colours and shapes and forms. Soon, constellations form- bookmarked coordinates of light representing a life he has yet to dive into, a new life he has yet to live. The books that had been donated weren’t the best according to Yoongi who had rolled his eyes at the excess of modern biographies of random politicians and businessmen that he had to sort out and place onto the shelves.

Jimin does start reading The Shadow of the Wind and like Yoongi had said, the story is stunningly vivid.

‘You’re reading this book, but still going to the library every day?’

‘It’s really nice,’ Jimin tells Taehyung over dinner, looking down at the book he’s been gulping down ravenously. Honestly, it was addictive.

‘Is that what the kids are calling it these days?’ Taehyung asks dryly.

‘Hey, it’s my coping mechanism,’ Jimin says in fake offence.

‘Does your tangerine boy have anything to do with your coping mechanism?’

Yoongi seemed to always carry the fruit on him- and it’s kinda sweet, Jimin thinks.

‘Pretty sure it’s an orange.’

‘Tangerine.’

‘…is there…an obvious difference?’

‘…no?’

‘Oranges then.’

‘But orange boy doesn’t sound as good as tangerine boy.’

‘Can we not call him boy, pretty sure he’s older than us.’

‘Your tangerine male,’ Taehyung deadpans.

‘Please just call him Yoongi,’ Jimin groans.

‘Tangerine boy sounds nice and I’m using that,’ Taehyung nods firmly. ‘Also, not to put a damper on your mood but you have a meeting with your advisor soon right?’

Jimin has done his utmost to forget this upcoming appointment. But now that Taehyung has so kindly brought it up he just sort of groans, putting the book away. He’s been feeling better- not related to his future, but just in a daily basis, he’s been feeling better. He even responds to Namjoon’s messages on time though he doesn’t really look through the links all too much. So he can’t quite entirely forget that he does have this upcoming meeting with his advisor. Technically, he’s supposed to have already chosen his major and was supposed to be discussing the upcoming semester in terms of what subjects he should be taking to support his major.

It’s also very annoying to see the undecided status on his online student profile every time he uses his card at the library. Like a necessary requirement to slightly dampen his time at the library.

‘What about you?’ he asks Taehyung. ‘Getting into graphic design?’

‘You know what, fuck that- I can take an online course on that. So, you know, of course I would choose the most expensive and least employable major and choose Installation,’ Taehyung grumbles. But Jimin knows Taehyung well- he would complain about spending money on supplies but in his heart, this was where he belonged and if anyone was going to push through anything, it would be his best friend.

‘If all fails, I could do event design,’ he adds with a snort and eye-roll. ‘Also, I have a meeting on the same day as you, and so does Kookie- so I think we can all meet up after,’ he adds. ‘Unless you have some great book discussion with your tangerine boy.’

Jimin gives Taehyung an unimpressed look which would be effective if Jimin wasn’t badly suppressing a smile.

‘He’s not working tomorrow,’ Jimin huffs before he realizes his mistake.

‘Oh yes? How convenient that you know,’ Taehyung stops before he smiles brightly at Jimin over his now finished dinner plate, ‘You know what, I was telling Kookie about your tangerine boy-'

‘-his name is Yoongi and why are you telling Jungkook about him-?!’

‘-and he was really interested in his store- say, why don’t we go look?’

Taehyung’s doing that thing where he’s acting innocent and sweet but his eyes are gleaming with scheming mischievousness.

‘…I won’t be able to stop either of you, will I.’

‘Nopes!’

‘Yeah sure, let’s go.’ Jimin sighs.

‘You sound like you’re really excited,’ Taehyung wiggles his eyebrows. ‘Besides, I wanna see your tangerine boy. It’ll be nice to meet the dude who has been making you lighter.’

Jimin is surprised at Taehyung’s words.

‘Don’t give me that surprised look,’ Taehyung snorts before he adds in a more genuine tone, ‘I’m glad you’re feeling better though.’

Jimin shows his gratitude by washing the dishes and cleaning up the kitchen that night.  

*

Taehyung pretty much shoves Jimin towards the Liberal Arts building and waves brightly as Jungkook mimics threatening to slice his neck if he didn’t go inside. Jimin throws them both incredulous looks because if he wanted to chicken out and not go, he wouldn’t even be here in the first place. Sticking his tongue out at his two friends, Jimin walks towards his faculty building. It’s surprisingly populated but Jimin remembers that as there were still summer classes going on, students and lecturers alike were scattered about the grounds.

There’s a weird sense of everything being a bit too sudden when he finds himself standing outside his advisor’s office door. But before he can take a step back and recalibrate, Mr. Shin has seen him through the glass doors (curses!) and waves him in.

‘Good afternoon sir,’ Jimin greets his advisor with a short bow as he opens the door.

‘Come in come in,’ he gestures, ‘How are you?’

They have small talk for a bit before Mr. Shin leans forward on his desk, crossing his arms over the top and asks him, ‘So, how’s your decision looking up?’

‘I still don’t know, if I’m being honest, but I-…’ Jimin pauses, thinking his words over carefully. ‘-I think I’ve stopped panicking- I mean I’m still panicked but, somehow everything doesn’t seem so imminent.

‘I’m glad you’re feeling better,’ he does sound genuine though and that’s comforting. ‘Did any of your seniors contact you, other than Namjoon?’

‘Ah, no,’ Jimin gives Mr. Shin a sheepish smile. ‘But Namjoon-shii has been really nice- really great actually. Uh- he um, introduced me to a friend of his, and it’s helped me rethink some things.’

‘That’s good,’ Mr. Shin nods in approval before he reaches out to the side of the desk where there’s a stack of paper. ‘I’m guessing though, we won’t be filling out the subject registrations just yet?’

‘I know I will have made up my mind by our next meeting- I know that’s cutting it short but-.’

‘It will be complicated in some way,’ Mr. Shin says, ‘Availability of sections, handing in your proposals for the final dissertation; this takes time before semester starts, but I trust that you know what you’re going to do. You’re a good student Jimin, and as your advisor it makes me happy to see that you have a foot hold somewhere.’

Jimin sighs out in relief.

‘You should however, be prepared to possibly delay graduation by a year.’

‘Oh-.’

‘Like I said, delaying this process can cause complications- and it’s not like you will be pushing your graduation, but the possibility should not be ruled out. In fact, I say this to a lot of students choosing their majors. Sometimes they change their minds midway the semester and you know, it’s better to delay graduation than pursue a major you’re not going to be satisfied with.’

Jimin nods slowly, understanding and accepting his words. He appreciated the frank and honest words.

‘Is there anything you want to discuss?’

Jimin shakes his head, giving Mr. Shin a small grateful smile.

‘All right then- I’ll see you uh,’ he frowns as he looks over at his computer screen, ‘Next week same day, same time?’

‘Yes sir,’ Jimin nods firmly. ‘I will have an answer then, and will accept whatever happens as a result of that.’

Mr. Shin laughs a little, ‘It’s not that serious Jimin, trust me, I understand that this must feel daunting to you- I’ve been there too. And I’ve seen it countless times now- just take it easy, allow yourself time to breathe.’

‘Thank you- thank you so much,’ Jimin wants to cry a little.

Mr. Shin just smiles and stands, pushing his chair back and Jimin does the same.

‘There’s a seminar at the moment- for summer class. You might enjoy it! The speaker is alumni.’ Mr. Shin adds as he stretches a little. ‘Go take a look.’

‘Ah, okay, I’ll peek in for a while,’ Jimin nods before bowing one more time and stepping out.

It didn’t last that long and Jimin did not get the backlash he was somehow expecting even though Mr. Shin has never hinted at doing so before. Feeling lighter, Jimin heads for the elevators and messages his two friends. They’re not responding or checking their messages so he assumes they’re still talking to their advisors. He wasn’t really planning on checking in on the seminar but he guesses he might as well as there was time.

The seminar halls were downstairs so all Jimin has to do is walk over from where the elevators were and to the back of the building instead. And sure enough, the place has been lit and the large double doors are half-open. Jimin can hear someone speaking on the mic and a murmur suggesting students talking amongst themselves. Jimin shoots out a message to their group chat of where he’ll be in case he doesn’t answer his messages. Though he kinda doubts it.

Jimin doesn’t really like seminars or special guest speakers. As Taehyung had once eloquently put it, it was normally older pompous men talking about their metaphoric dicks and how big it was. Jungkook, being in the medical field, is aghast at the description. But Jungkook genuinely seemed to have productive workshops and seminars very much related to his field. But for Jimin, and unfortunately Taehyung, most of their seminars consisted of (mostly) men who just went on and on about how smart and great they are, and how all the students in the room should follow their actions to become successful too.

So he pauses on the message and quietly ducks into the seminar room just to oblige Mr. Shin.

The students gathered are mostly people who are either a semester ahead of him, or freshmen students. On stage is one of their lecturers, she used to teach them in their 2^nd year; Mrs. Jung, if Jimin isn’t mistaken. She’s addressing the students as well as their speaker and they’re actually laughing about something. Immediately, the seminar doesn’t feel draggy or boring. The students sitting there, no more than 30, look genuinely interested in what is being said. Jimin makes himself as inconspicuous as possible and ducks around towards the side, a little far from the general peripheral view of the slightly raised stage area. He’s gone unnoticed much to his relief.

No matter how boring a seminar, Jimin always felt guilty leaving; or at least somewhat rude, especially if he didn’t have a good excuse to leave. So he tries to position himself in a way where his exit wouldn’t be noticed too much. He quickly checks his phone one more time and finds no new update from his friends so this time he looks up and actually pays attention this time. The speaker is young- he can’t be that much older than him or Taehyung in fact. If Mr. Shin hadn’t said he was alumni, Jimin would have just assumed he was another active student.

They’ve bypassed the introductions and small talk already and he’s speaking already.

‘-lot of people who come to speak in these sort of seminars are normally, unfortunately, people who are kinda out of touch with reality- or at least, live a reality that is either not attainable for people like us, or just generally really wildly out there.’ he snorts, shaking his head and the students who are there are also chuckling. And Jimin absolutely agrees. ‘And these people always have this one cliché advice – one sort of saying that they will always insist on. Can you tell me what that might be? I’m sure you’ve heard it at least once-‘

‘-follow your passion!’

‘Yes!’ he throws the student a vigorous thumb’s up. ‘Precisely that- follow your passion- honestly, and forgive me Mrs. Jung for this but, what a load of bullshit.’

Mrs. Jung wheezes at that from her chair to the side. The other students let out appreciative laughs and some nervous giggles too.  

‘Unfortunately, and I think this is a universal experience, but often times- and not necessarily the fault of the faculty either, but as students, we have too many big-shot millionaires and billionaires who come up here to preach about how we should all follow our passion.’ The speaker continues, ‘Not to say we don’t get actual interesting people who come and speak or host actually productive seminars- and Mrs. Jung please feign deafness for a moment but-‘ the speaker whispers loudly into his mic, ‘-I never experienced that.’

There’s laughter all around the seminar hall and Jimin finds himself chuckling too. Mrs. Jung is throwing her head back and laughing, not at all offended by what the speaker is saying. Jimin has seen a few of their lecturers looking absolutely distraught at the occasional guest speakers during such situations and Jimin has to commend them for their attempts at maintaining professionalism.

‘So we have these million and billionaires- mostly billionaires, who come and somehow we just seem to assume that they have an amazing insight into a successful life. And they will most likely, always finish their presentation or speech by saying something that I think in general, is probably the worst advise to give to young students- people in general: and that is follow your passion.’ The speaker sighs wearily into the mic before leaning in into his chair, looking around as though he was personally addressing each person there, ‘If someone tells you to follow your passion, it most likely means they’re already rich. Most likely, what happens is the same people who say follow your passion have made their money in something like iron or smelting.’

There’s a burst of laughter from the students.

‘Before we get further into this seminar, I just want to lay down certain things that I wish I had been told as a young university student- most of you are freshman or sophomore right?’

There’s a murmur of assent at that.

‘Right, so this is what you need to think about,’ the speaker holds up a fist, ‘You need to find something that you’re good at’ he holds up both hands at this, expression anticipating the slight doubt in some of the student’s faces, ‘-and you spend, thousands of hours working on it. You apply perseverance, determination, the sacrifice- the willingness- the willingness to break through hard things in order to become great at it. Because once you’re great at something- and I mean this in terms of personal standard- you’re not measuring your merit of work against someone else’s; if you start doing that, you’re going to work in circles, burying yourself in self-loathing. This is greatness in comparison to what you were yesterday- if you are better today at something than yesterday, or last week, or last month- you are working, and every work you put it, no matter how insignificant it might seem- is a step forward and you should be proud in that.’

There’s a sort of stunned silence in the hall.

‘So once you are great at something,’ the speaker continues, ‘the economic accoutrements are the prestige, the relevance, the camaraderie, the self-worth, of being great will make you passionate about whatever it is that you do.

No one, not one single child, has grown up saying ‘I am passionate about tax laws!’-‘ there’s laughter, one slightly hysterical one from the back, that rises up again, ‘-but you’ll find that tax lawyers are flying private, and well, have an unfairly broad selection of potential mates that I guess maybe they don’t deserve.’

Mrs. Jung is turning red as she tries not to laugh.

‘And then they get to do interesting things- which by the way, in turn, makes them passionate about tax law.’

Jimin can’t help but laugh as well.

‘So here’s the problem about believing in follow your passion,’ he continues, grinning across at the students, ‘Work is hard. It is, incredibly hard- I know we hate hearing it when our lecturers and advisors and professors tell us that working in the quote unquote real-world is hard. We know that. But often times we don’t always understand the depth of it. Because you will run into obstacles, and you will face injustice- god, you will face injustice. It is common. It is an unfortunately common guarantee in nearly every single workplace. And then you’ll start thinking, ‘I’m not loving this. This is frustrating, upsetting, and pointless.’

He pauses, his expression turning more serious.

‘And you will think, ‘This must not be my passion.’ And you know what, that is not the right scale to measure what is your passion, or what you’re passionate about. Trying to become passionate about your work to reach that fulfillment?’ he leans in again and drops his voice to a loud whisper into the mic again, ‘-that’s just capitalism trying to take advantage of you.’

There’s appreciative laughter around the hall. Jimin jumps when Taehyung and Jungkook come sit next to him. They must have been listening too, because they’re looking at the speaker, eyes gleaming with interest.

‘Do you passions on the weekend.’ He exclaims. ‘You want to be a DJ? Do that then! You wanna learn how to be a tattoo artist? Enroll in weekend classes! I could give you examples of people who did this- for example, have you heard of the animated movie Your Name?’

Jungkook physically leans forward even more.

‘Makoto Shinkai, the director, worked on his own personal projects during the weekends and created his own animations bit by bit- it took time, of course, but he did it. And now look at him. Or look at Jay-Z,’ the speaker laughs, ‘You know, my rap skills people sometimes call me the new Jay-Z-‘ he cackles at his own laugh while Mrs. Jung actually facepalms to the side. Jimin is gripped with giggles. ‘-but him, Jay-Z, he followed his passion when he could make time for it and now he’s a billionaire. Of course, please understand and assume you are not Jay-Z. You are not Steve Jobs- you are definitely not Elon Musk, no one should be,’ he coughs out the last part, ‘-you are you. And who you are, in the end, is what is most important to yourself- you guys know what I mean?’

There’s murmurs of responses and Mrs. Jung nods.

‘In the end, who you are, ever-changing and constantly shifting you, that’s who you need to be, and who you need to become. Comparison is a toxin- just do your best, understand yourself- understand that others are leading completely different lives from yours the same way you are- and just simply be.’

*

‘Why are all the good seminars during summer,’ Taehyung frowns as they leave an hour later. The guest speaker who graduated from Liberal Arts, Kim Seokjin, was an incredibly funny, down-to-earth, and genuine person. He owned and ran a small but quite popular restaurant at it would turn out. It also so happened that Jungkook has actually been there before and immediately tells them how much he loved it.

‘The last time I had a good seminar was also during the summer- sophomore year-‘

‘-I remember you were raving on and on about it,’ Jimin reminisces absentmindedly. He feels like he’s come to some precipice of sorts- unsure where or how, but he knows that he has.

‘All right, this is great and all and,’ Jungkook begins, ‘Before we meet melon bro-‘

‘-tangerine boy-‘

‘-Yoongi-‘

‘-I actually need to pick up some books.’

Both Jimin and Taehyung give him incredulous looks.

‘What?’ he asks defensively.

‘Kookie, I love you, but I don’t think I’ve actually seen you read read a book that is not a textbook.’

‘Fuck you,’ Jungkook laughs, throwing his head back, ‘Just because you live with that bookworm there-‘

‘-um-?!‘

‘-doesn’t mean regular people like me who read a normal amount aren’t well read.’

‘Well then fine- what are you looking for.’ Jimin demands.

‘…’

‘…’

‘…’

‘…-okay I’m picking up the latest chapter update for…-a manga.’

‘…’

‘…’

‘…’

‘-Kookie, why would you say that so suspiciously-‘ Taehyung sighs wearily.

‘-ARE YOU LOOKING FOR PORN IS THAT WHAT THIS IS-‘ Jimin screeches with glee.

‘STOP YELLING!’

*

‘You see Jimin, this is where people who want to genuinely support their favourite authors go to,’ Jungkook is saying, as though Jimin was a child. ‘Here, you pay money, and part of that money goes to the author-‘

‘-actually, authors barely get any of the money they get from sales,’ Taehyung says absentmindedly as he squints up at a bookshelf labeled under geography. ‘They get like, 5% of the sales.’

Jungkook looks very troubled at this bit of information, not questioning where and how Taehyung even got this information.

‘Hey. That’s not fair,’ he frowns before looking down at Jimin, ‘You should really support your favourite authors.’

‘Can we please get your not-porn and get going,’ Jimin deadpans.

‘I know you want to meet up with kiwi man but-‘

‘-tangerine boy-‘

‘Yoongi-!’

‘-but come on!’ Jungkook teases, goofy grin on his face. Jimin is pretty sure he spies a fellow university student down the aisle give Jungkook an awestruck smile. Jimin wrinkles his nose at the very idea of it, knowing the med-student all too well. No one should be dating him and his terrible eating habits, anime binging nights, excessive gyming, obsessive competitive gaming nature, and lack of direction. Literally. He once got lost inside one of the malls and called him and Taehyung to pick him up.

Taehyung appears from the side, throwing an arm around Jungkook’s neck and pushing him down a little, ‘Stop teasing Jimin- he’s smaller than you but don’t forget he’s older.’

There’s a funny blush forming on Jungkook’s face and now that Jimin finds interesting. It’s made twice as interesting when Jungkook shoots him a furtive look, only to quickly look elsewhere upon noticing that Jimin has indeed noticed. Noticed what exactly, to what extent and depth, Jimin does not know. But suddenly, he feels like he has a step up.

‘Anyways! Look at this!’ Jungkook randomly grabs a book from the shelf, ‘Looks-…really informative.’

It’s a book on sailing.

‘Yes. Absolutely enlightening,’ Taehyung deadpans.

Jungkook’s face is more than just flushed as he clears his throat and escapes to another aisle in the bookstore.

‘Ah, to be young,’ Taehyung sighs mournfully. 'You won't understand Jiminie.'

‘…we’re the same age.’

‘And look at us!’ Taehyung despairs comically.  

Jimin snorts stepping to a shelf at random and finding himself in front of a selection of modern poetry.

‘Aren’t you reading like, 8 books right now,’ Taehyung raises an eyebrow from the side as he reaches for a book on aviation from the 1920’s.

‘I’m reading 2,’ Jimin frowns.

‘Hey,’ Jungkook’s head pops out of nowhere from behind the book Jimin has just randomly pulled out. Jimin is reminded of meeting Yoongi like this at the library and it makes him smile.

‘What?’ he asks.

‘Remember that comic you made hyung?’ he looks at both of them, eyes large. He’s holding a manga in his hands with bright colours and colourful shapes.

‘Oh, you mean Tata’s Space Adventures?’ Taehyung laughs, putting the aviation book back.

‘Yeah!’ Jungkook nods before leaning in, ‘Are you going to continue that?’

Taehyung laughs.

‘No! I mean it! Seriously,’ Jungkook is so genuine it’s sweet. ‘Your illustrations? Massive dokidoki in the kokoro.’

‘Please stop bastardizing the Japanese language like that you weeb,’ Jimin groans.

‘I am offended,’ Jungkook frowns at Jimin, ‘I’m not a weeb-‘

‘-yeah he doesn’t have a waifu-‘ Taehyung cackles.

‘Bet he’d love it if you were his waifu,’ Jimin grumbles inaudibly.

‘What?’

Jungkook, panic in his eyes ay having guessed what Jimin had mumbled so maturely under his breath hasten to push forward the previous topic.

‘I’m still not over the characters to be honest; also hyung, admit Kookie is based off of me,’ he grins brightly in that wonderful boyish way of his that makes Jimin forgive all of his occasional misdeeds against himself.

‘It’s a coincidence,’ Taehyung sniffs, his tone comically lofty. ‘Also, you’d have to thank this one here,’ he places his palm over Jimin’s head, ‘-for the stories, so don’t ask me.’

‘Hyung,’ Jungkook reaches through the shelf to grab his shoulder. ‘I gotta know.’

‘Uh- know what?’ Jimin glances to the side just to check if anyone’s watching them.

‘Like, why did you have to go so hard on poor little Chimmy- a precious yellow bean of a puppy-‘

‘Chimmy was not a puppy-‘

‘-precious yellow bean,’ Jungkook corrects, ‘Playing the harmonica left behind by his parents to feel a sense of belonging?’ he shakes his head, ‘Jimin-hyung, you’re insane.’

‘It’s called storytelling Jungkook,’ Taehyung huffs, crossing his arms and squaring up against the medical student. ‘Character development.’

‘Yeah, exactly!’ Jimin proclaims.

‘Storytelling would imply a continuation of the story being told, would it not,’ Jungkook wiggles his eyebrows, ‘I wouldn’t be saying this if only you had continued the project.’

‘Why would Taehyung want to continue a free elective course project while he’s dying of the current projects he has right now?’

‘Exactly- see? You understand me,’ Taehyung raises his hand and then lowers it a little so that Jimin can slap it.

‘Not hyung, I meant you,’ Jungkook rolls his eyes like it was obvious.

‘What do you mean?’ Jimin laughs, leaning back as Taehyung picks up another book, this time on oceanography.

‘I wanna know what happens to Chimmy! And to Tata- honestly, give me that alien royal family woes. Also, why would you make Shooky’s story deal damage strikes like that-‘

‘-stop speaking in video game lingo,’ Jimin deadpans.

‘-anyways, I’d love to see that update some time- bonus if hyung illustrates,’ he grins and finger-guns towards Taehyung who though trying to act nonchalant is clearly very pleased.

Jungkook continues to bemoan the small characters Taehyung had designed for his free elective course last year in Cartoon Character Design. He had asked Jimin for help to come up with backstories and Jimin, as Jungkook would probably put it, went off.

He had enjoyed it- writing on little sticky nod pads each time he was struck by inspiration. When he was overwhelmed by his own projects, he would “procrastinate” from his work to help out Taehyung. It allowed him to spend time with his best friend as well as actually enjoy some time during the day, not pouring over business theories or searching relevant citations regarding social innovation or whatever it was they were studying last year.

Suddenly- Jimin freezes.

The precipice he’s standing on isn’t quite a precipice anymore. Rather, there is a bridge. A bridge that leads across a chasm and he can’t see where it leads. And though his feet are still, his whole body paralyzed by this realization- this sudden consciousness awakening in him, it’s like he’s moving forward.

‘Guys,’ he says a little too loudly, a little too abruptly.

Both Taehyung and Jungkook look over at him with surprise and so does the other customer from down the aisle.

Clearing his throat Jimin faces his friends, ‘I need to go meet Mr. Shin again.’

‘Uh-,’ Jungkook frowns at Jimin, confusion all of his face, eyes widening and narrowing.

‘Oh-,’ Taehyung exclaims instead, ‘Jimin!’

‘Yeah!’ Jimin doesn’t know if he’s smiling or not- not sure what he was feeling was elation or terror but he’s feeling it. ‘I uh- I’ll meet you guys back at our place!’

‘Um hyung-?’

‘SEE YOU!’ Taehyung calls, waving as Jimin sprints out of the shop.

Some 30 minutes later, Mr. Shin looks understandably surprised as Jimin knocks rapidly on the front of his door. He’s sweating, out of breath, and not quite aware of his immediate surroundings. He gestures for Jimin to come in and with a hasty bow, Jimin enters the room.

‘Jimin, is something wrong-?’ Mr. Shin looks a tad bit worried.

Jimin shakes his head, not even sitting, just standing by the chair instead.

Giving Mr. Shin a huge smile he says, ‘First of all I want to say thank you for being so patient with me sir.’

‘Well, of course,’ Mr. Shin is precariously seated, like he’s unsure whether to properly sit back or stand up.

Taking a breath to calm himself, Jimin nods once.

‘Sir, I’ve made up my mind. I know what I’m going to do.’

Chapter Text

Jimin is very nervous.

He’s excited, determined, and satisfied. But he’s also extremely nervous.

Mr. Shin had been very pleased, enthusiastically adding Jimin into the new semester. Mr. Shin gives him instant approval for all the subjects he wants to do this semester, and subsequently opening up his final semester as well.

‘What…inspired you?’ Mr. Shin asks as they finish going over what Jimin should expect the coming semester. ‘To make this choice? I hope it wasn’t something you felt was forced.’

‘Oh no,’ Jimin shakes his head but stops, ‘I mean in a way, yes it’s forced-‘ he laughs when he sees Mr. Shin give him a confused look of bemusement. ‘I mean…I feel like the past months, I’ve been forced to go through things- forced to realize things, forced to think of things I normally wouldn’t have thought of- or had been really aware of I guess.’

‘I’m sorry that that happened.’

‘It wasn’t comfortable,’ Jimin shrugs, ‘But I guess it also…pushed me up.’

‘Where?’

‘What?’

‘Pushed you up where?’

Jimin pauses for a moment, fiddling with the cap of the pen he nicked from the front desk of the faculty office.

‘Somewhere I needed to be, to understand? I can’t explain what I understand, but I understand it.’

Mr. Shin grins, ‘Yes, that’s how it is sometimes.’

‘It be do like that sometimes.’

Mr. Shin sighs, throwing his hands up in the air but he’s fighting a grin.

‘So I guess we won’t be saying that finance is your passion?’

Jimin’s laughter escapes him a little faster than he can control.

‘I’m guessing not,’ Mr. Shin nods in understanding.

‘I don’t think…I don’t think this could classify as something most people would refer to as passion,’ Jimin says slowly, ‘But it’s just…my understanding of this situation has changed. I’m no longer…I mean I know I’m good at this. And I know I can be better at it. But this is not going to establish who I’ll be, who I want to be- how I live.’

‘How do you want to live then?’ Mr. Shin asks curiously.

‘Happily,’ Jimin replies instantly, ‘Happily, and…looking forward to the next day.’

Mr. Shin nods slowly to that, giving a small nod before he laughs.

‘You sounded like Namjoon there for a moment,’ he grins.

‘I could never.’

‘Well,’ he continues as Jimin makes to leave, ‘The finance faculty will be very pleased to have you I’m sure. Ms. Hong will be especially pleased to have you back I’m sure, your grades in her classes are exemplary.’

‘I look forward to seeing her again,’ Jimin smiles, ‘Thank you again sir, I’m sorry if I took up your time.’

‘Not at all, I’ll see you for the internship presentation next week.’

Taehyung and Jungkook had messaged him to tell him to meet them at their favourite restaurant/café and Jimin is a mess of nerves, excitement, and panic when he gets there.

‘Why do you look like you’re about to cry and laugh at the same time?’ Jungkook demands, mouth filled with fries.

‘Please speak after you’ve swallowed,’ Taehyung picks up a napkin and wipes Jungkook’s mouth for him. He misses how Jungkook’s cheeks burn bright red, eyes filled with flustered panic that Jimin avoids expertly. Jimin finds this new discovery very hilarious and entertaining but also somehow adorable. ‘How did it go? Was Mr. Shin still in?’

‘He was. He was happy,’ Jimin replies. He only just realizes he’s somehow shivering- not from the cold (it was summer so duh).

‘That’s good right? So it’s all okay?’ Taehyung asks, no one really answering Jungkook’s confused questioning sounds.

‘Yeah, yeah- it’s all good uh-,’ Jimin feels like he needs to maybe restart his brain. Too many things happened in a span of very few hours and he made many important decisions in what now felt like an impulsive move.

‘…is he going to cry?’ Jungkook asks quietly after what Jimin assumes is a long stretch of silence from his part. He blinks a few times before looking up at his two best friends. They’re both looking at him expectantly.

But it’s fine.

They eat dinner, discuss the upcoming semester (after explaining to Jungkook what happened), and merrily make their way back. Bidding Jungkook goodnight, Taehyung and Jimin catch their bus and share a pair of earphones, listening to something random as they remark on stuff Taehyung is scrolling through on his phone.

It’s fine.

Until Jimin gets inside their shared room and suddenly he just cries. Taehyung doesn’t panic or display any signs of confusion. Instead he hugs him close, swaying them slightly.

‘Not sad?’

Jimin nods.

‘Relieved?’

Jimin nods again.

‘But scared?’

Jimin nods aggressively.

Taehyung just continues to hold him.

‘What if this is a mistake?’ Jimin asks as soon as he’s able to do so.

‘Then it’s a mistake,’ Taehyung replies simply. ‘Just keep going forward.’

‘Okay.’

‘Not because I’m biased, but I don’t think you’re making a mistake,’ Taehyung tells him as Jimin takes a step back to look for that box of tissue he knows is somewhere in the kitchen.

‘Yeah?’ Jimin manages to grunt out through a stuffed nose and tight throat.

Taehyung leans against the fridge, crossing his arms over his chest (that has wet spots all over the material) before giving Jimin a smile.

‘Why?’

‘Because you’re Park Jimin.’

*

Yoongi is not in the library. Jimin goes there for the first time, not to look for a book or to read or study, but to find someone. It’s also then that he realizes he’s never asked Yoongi for his number or his contact on any SNS platform.

He scours the whole library, even venturing to the computer labs to find him. But he’s not there.  

He goes the next day, and Yoongi’s not there again. He even contemplates asking the other staff but he feels a little awkward. Instead he lingers there for a few hours, not really reading, just sort of hovering around the shelves, spooking 3 sleep deprived students- and one staff member twice in a span of 5 minutes.

The third day he goes back, his disappointment isn’t as severe but it’s still there. He doesn’t want to think about it negatively though he’s very tempted to do so. He’s about to leave when he suddenly remembers that he hasn’t checked the blackhole at all. He had hid a book in there, and maybe he should actually check a book out this time around. Jimin wonders why he hadn’t decided to check it out the first day itself.

He goes to the blackhole and to his surprise, there’s another book there alongside the one he had kept there. He wonders if it fell in by accident but then the sticky note with a funnily scrawled orange on it confirms Jimin’s hopeful heart.

Feeling lighter, Jimin practically skips back home.

Taehyung immediately notices his very obvious shift in mood.

‘Was tangerine boy in?’

‘No,’ Jimin smiles but holds up the purple cover book, ‘But this was in the blackhole!’

Taehyung mouths blackhole and squints at the book.

‘…he left you a book called Child Eater and you look like you’re about to propose to him,’ Taehyung crosses his arms over his chest, leaning back and looking down at him through his glasses.

‘…-it’s a good book-‘

‘Jimin.’

‘Taehyung.’

Taehyung places his hands over his hips, one foot tapping as though impatient or exasperated with Jimin.

He cocks one eyebrow up.

Jimin responds in kind.

The other eyebrow goes up.

Jimin shakes his head.

Taehyung’s eyes narrow even more.

Jimin looks away.

‘I swear to god-‘

‘-okay fine! I like him! Happy?’

Taehyung doesn’t say anything, expression spectacularly blank before he cracks.

Jimin finds himself in weak uncontrolled heap on the couch, Taehyung leaning over him as they giggle breathlessly.

‘You like him hm?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Cute. You got yourself a little tangerine boy.’

‘I don’t got him,’ Jimin snorts, ‘Let’s just accept and celebrate that-‘

‘-that you finally acknowledged you’ve been high-key crushing on this dude who lives in a literal Studio Ghibli house?’

‘Don’t tell Jungkook.’

‘I would never!’

‘…you already have, haven’t you?’

Taehyung’s wide guilty grin is more than enough to answer that question.

*

Jimin is walking back from meeting up with his classmates to discuss the internship presentation they would be having soon when in the mess of people walking in and out of the entryway of the mall he was exiting, his bag snags with another person’s bag and like elastic bands, they snap against each other in a shocked heap.

‘Oh my god are you okay?!’ the person asks, eyes wide and worried.

‘Ah, yeah I’m good, I’m sorry-‘ Jimin is detaching their bags when he’s distracted by the person behind this stranger.

‘Jimin?’ Namjoon grins. ‘Hey! Nice to see you!’

There’s such a viscerally different atmosphere to meeting Namjoon face to face again.

‘Oh! You too!’ Jimin wonders if his tone of voice is too genuine, the force of it a bit too much because Namjoon and his friend look a little taken aback.

‘Oh!’ the stranger grins, adjusting his bag properly as it’s freed from Jimin’s straps. ‘Namjoon-ah, you know each other?’

‘Jimin, this is my friend, Jung Hoseok- he’s your senior but not from Liberal Arts.’ Namjoon introduces as they take a few steps away from the immediate crowd at the entryway.

‘God no,’ Jung Hoseok shudders before holding his hand out, ‘I was in the faculty of medicine I’m afraid- are you sure I didn’t rip your bag or something?’

‘Oh!’ Jimin takes his hand, shaking it in earnest. ‘Not at all! Is yours okay?’

‘And this is Park Jimin, my junior from Lib Arts,’ Namjoon introduces them as Hoseok gives him a brilliant smile and a thumb’s up.

Suddenly Hoseok’s face takes on a whole other level of curious and interest.

‘No way, you’re Yoongi’s friend too!’

Namjoon doesn’t look too surprised by this, but just nodding to Hoseok’s words and okay, Jimin knows his ears are red now.

‘I heard he nearly killed you with his bike,’ Hoseok looks like it’s the best thing he’s ever heard. Namjoon is polite enough to look horrified.

‘Ah, yeah, uh, I was running to catch my bus- and it’s more like, I collided into him.’

‘No no,’ Hoseok shakes his head, ‘Trust me on this, use that angle to your advantage.’

‘I think Jimin is too nice to do such a thing,’ Namjoon says firmly, more to Hoseok than Jimin.

‘Take advantage of it! He’ll treat you to food for the rest of your life,’ Hoseok gives him an all too gleeful conspiring grin.  

‘So!’ Namjoon diverts the topic, ‘Headed home?’

‘Yeah- was meeting up with my classmates for the upcoming internship presentation.’

‘Ah,’ Namjoon nods as though remembering, ‘I don’t miss that at all.’

‘Hey, at least your internship didn’t last a year,’ Hoseok slaps Namjoon on the chest.

‘My friend is in med school too, and he’s not looking forward to the internship,’ Jimin tells him.

‘Oh! Is he? I wish him luck,’ Hoseok says it with so much heart Jimin feels slightly overwhelmed. ‘Tell him that sleep is his best friend.’

‘I will,’ Jimin replies as solemnly as possible.

‘So you’ve decided on your major?’ Namjoon asks. He asks it so freely- no weight in his words, no judgment, no expectation or apprehension.

‘Yeah,’ Jimin smiles, ‘I will major in finance.’

Hoseok actually lets out a full body shudder.

‘Oh no, you’re into maths.’

Both Namjoon and Jimin end up laughing out loud.

‘Yeah, it’s something I’m good at,’ Jimin nods, ‘Of course it’s not like, I dunno, genius level-‘

‘-god, if I was able to get through a 2 hour maths class without wanting to cry I’d just say I was a genius,’ Hoseok looks genuinely distraught. ‘You can definitely call yourself a genius.’

‘Oh- well, I will!’ Jimin laughs.

‘I’m glad you were able to come to a decision,’ Namjoon continues.

‘Me too,’ Jimin nods, ‘Kinda scared, but well, here I am.’

Namjoon smiles at that.

‘Okay, but we gotta get going,’ Hoseok says apologetically, ‘Don’t want to miss the trailers.’

‘We’re catching a movie,’ Namjoon explains.

‘Have fun!’ Jimin bows again, maybe a tad bit too low and enthusiastic but he feels good.

Waving one last time, Jimin practically skips towards the bus stop as he pushes his earphones into his ears. He guesses that being afraid wasn’t always bad.

*

Jimin is busy today.

It was laundry day, time for a grocery run, and the last day before his presentation tomorrow. Taehyung had recently been caught up in an artistic fit, slaving over a massive sheet of glass he found being thrown out at the recycling bin downstairs. He had employed a very scared Jimin to help him take it back up to their apartment and after thoroughly disinfecting the thick and heavy piece of glass, Taehyung drowned himself in what was promising to be a truly breathtaking piece of art.

And having lived with Taehyung for this many years now, Jimin knows when to let him be and when it was okay to interrupt him despite his artistic flow. Today was crucial in Taehyung’s artistic journey. He normally suffered some form of fatigue the third day in, and on fourth day he was back at it, even more dedicated, normally fueled by a level of self-loathing, as he described it himself. And today was the fourth day, so Jimin leaves a note just in case Taehyung looks for him on the fridge door.

He’s not too worried about his presentation- it was nearly done and he just needed to finalize the complete report to be submitted formally, maybe check for spelling mistakes or formatting error because those cropped up regardless of how many times you checked your writing.

At the market, he picks up a nice bag of oranges. He would endure some teasing remarks from Taehyung, he didn’t mind. He’s incredibly pleased with the sale on scallions because he could then bully Taehyung into making them scallion omelet, something Taehyung was very skilled at. Jimin is thinking of which movie to put on tonight as he approaches the main street intersection when he nearly collides with a bicycle and it’s such a strong moment of déjà vu, and when he recognizes who’s riding the bike, he can’t help but laugh.

Yoongi, who was initially slightly panicked and shocked, recovers as well, exhaling out a huff of a laugh.

‘We almost reversed the situation,’ he gets off his bike.

‘I think I might have fared better than you,’ Jimin holds up the sturdy canvas tote bags Taehyung had customized for them years ago.

‘You’re right.’ Yoongi nods in agreement before adding very quickly as though in a rush, ‘Listen, I uh, realized I forgot to ask you, I mean- like, do you use uh, which messaging app do you prefer.’

Jimin can’t help but grin.

‘Which do I prefer?’

Yoongi doesn’t look at him, instead he inspects his bell, ‘Yeap, like which one do you use.’

Jimin can’t help but laugh out loud. Yoongi joins his laughing as well.

‘I’ll walk you back? You can hang your bags on the handles- uh, if it’s okay with you?’

Jimin just nods.

‘Oh yeah! I actually bumped into Namjoon, and uh, your friend? Hoseok?’

Yoongi was nodding to what Jimin was saying until his eyes almost bulge out of his head at the mention of Hoseok.

‘Oh,’ Yoongi says carefully, glancing at him quickly before saying, ‘Yeah uh, I think they went to catch a movie or something.’

‘Yeah they told me,’ Jimin replies, ‘It was nice seeing Namjoon again.’

Yoongi looks a little relieved, something Jimin doesn’t quite get but he’s not about to ask.

‘Hoseok told me to emotionally blackmail you about the bike incident,’ Jimin grins. ‘He said you’d treat me to free food for the rest of my life.’

Yoongi’s look of panic returns.

‘I won’t though!’ Jimin laughs.

‘I’m so sorry you met him without supervision,’ Yoongi groans, ‘Namjoon doesn’t count- he’s too soft on Hobi.’

‘It was fine! He was really nice,’ Jimin finds Yoongi’s reaction incredibly amusing.

‘They uh, didn’t say anything else right?’ Yoongi asks, an attempt at nonchalance.

‘No…?’ Jimin quirks an eyebrow at him, ‘I mean, should I emotionally blackmail you for free food?’

Yoongi snorts.

‘I give you oranges all the time.’

Jimin’s laughter erupts out of him freely.

Yoongi seems pleased with himself.

‘He points at one of his bags, ‘I’m afraid I already got myself a supply, oranges won’t work anymore.’

‘Ah,’ Yoongi sighs out dramatically before he says with an awkward but still persisting smile, ‘I’ll need to think of something else then.’

They hang the tote bags on Yoongi’s bicycle handle and make their way down the street leading to Jimin’s place.

‘By the way, I read Child Eater.’

‘Did you like it?’ Yoongi’s eyes gleam.

‘Honestly slightly freaked out in some parts but the pacing-,’ Jimin gushes, ‘So good.’

‘I really liked it too,’ Yoongi nods fervently.

They discuss the book as they walk down the street. Normally, Jimin would grab the bus, especially while carrying this many bags. But its nice right now. It takes nearly 30 minutes though it doesn’t feel like it- time seems to easily slip past when he was around Yoongi- not just in the library where sometimes time felt like it was contained in the pages of the books he read, slowing in pace with the turning of the pages, rather than that of the clock.

‘Well, this is me-,’ Jimin gestures to the building. He’s about to ask if Yoongi wanted to come in but he beats him to it.

‘Uh, actually, you want free food?’ Yoongi asks, fiddling with the handle of his bike. ‘I can offer you really good stew and uh. Ham?’

There’s a short but very loud silence that follows Yoongi’s question and Jimin can’t help but laugh. Yoongi looks slightly mortified.

‘You sound so unsure!’ Jimin wheezes.

‘I’m sure about the stew, not sure about the ham,’ Yoongi confesses, scratching at the side of his neck. ‘Runs out pretty quickly once its cooked.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Uh huh,’ Yoongi looks away from the street and suddenly their gazes seem to hold in a way where Jimin can’t look away. He doesn’t want to.

The sound of the neighbours dog barking suddenly breaks their gaze and Jimin quickly replies, ‘I always love free food, ham or not.’

Yoongi is still looking at him, a sort of nervous anticipation in his gaze, one that seemed to mirror Jimin’s own, thrumming under his skin. He’s bursting to tell Yoongi what he’s decided so far, what he was set out to do- hopefully set out to do. But it felt strangely exposed to tell him out here.

He wants to be able to tell Yoongi about this in a way that felt special to the time he’s enjoyed spending with him. He had been hoping to catch him at the library, a place he associates more than just peace, quiet revelry, and escape with now.

The library was now more than just escapism.

‘All right, do you need help taking these up?’ Yoongi asks.

‘No, thank you hyung,’ Jimin smiles, taking the bags, ‘Besides, I don’t know if Taehyung is presentable.’

This makes Yoongi laugh, looking away as he does so.

With the promise of coming back quickly, Jimin quickly rushes inside and impatiently waits for the lift up. It feels like an hour has passed as he gets on the lift and then gets off, waddling at great speed with his bags towards his door. With some effort and forced dexterity, he’s able to get the door open and he’s greeted with the sight of Taehyung and Jungkook standing by the window, that is positioned right above the street. It gives them a perfect view of the entryway and stairs. They’re a little too nonchalant. Taehyung looks freshly showered, wearing non-paint-splattered clothes.  

‘Oh,’ Taehyung announces theatrically, ‘Jungkook-ah, do you smell that?’

‘Hyung,’ Jungkook sniffs the air theatrically as well, ‘Hyung, I think I know what you mean.’

Jimin narrows his eyes at them as he toes off his shoes, trying not to look too hurried.

‘It’s-,’ Taehyung and Jungkook now both look like dogs, sniffing aggressively as Jimin more or less drops the bags onto the floor by the sink, ‘Smells like-! Smells like tangerines!’

‘I’m leaving goodbye-‘ Jimin doesn’t even get to turn around when he is unfortunately reminded yet again that having two best friends who are much taller than you was more disadvantageous than advantageous.

‘Oh yes? Where are you going- and where will it be and when can we expect you back, if at all tonight?’ Jungkook demands as they pull Jimin away from the doorway and into the living room. Jimin knows its futile to try and struggle.

‘Did you talk about the book he gave you about children being eaten-?’ Jungkook’s facial expression is absolutely priceless, ‘-I’m telling you Jungkook-ah, kids these days have the strangest notion of what is romantic-‘

‘-Jungkook what are you doing here?’ Jimin asks pointedly as he wrestles himself away, backing towards his room.

‘I can’t come visit?’ Jungkook demands, pretending to be wounded.

‘Did you finish your painting?’ Jimin turns to question his roommate instead, pausing by his doorway.

‘No! But I need this layer to dry, and then Kookie dropped by with strawberries!’ Taehyung points at the half-empty bowl.

‘Oh yes? How sweet,’ Jimin smiles at Jungkook whose expression falters, panic spreading in his smile. ‘Your favourite!’

‘Yeah- though I see your tangerine man has hooked you up with a whole ass bag of his courting gifts.’ Taehyung points at the tote bags where the oranges could be seen.

‘You know what, have at it-,’ Jimin gestures to the bags before he quickly jumps into his room. He ignores how they call after him and grabs his freshly laundered button down shirt and attempts to run past his best friends.

‘Oh? Not staying?’ Taehyung is peeling an orange, cocking one eyebrow up. ‘Kookie was saying he would cook for us.’

‘Yeah, well, enjoy cooking because I’m appointment- I mean I have an appointment.’

Taehyung and Jungkook both crack identical wicked grins at him and maybe they shouldn’t start dating because Jimin doesn’t think he’ll be able to tolerate this sort of behavior everyday (everyday because he has a sinking suspicion that Jungkook would probably be quite clingy as a boyfriend so that would mean he’d be over nearly everyday).

He practically runs out before yelling, ‘Enjoy your home-date!’

He doesn’t look back to see their reactions, jumping into the lift that was thankfully still there on their floor.

Jimin wasn’t a teenager a very long time ago, but he feels a sense of giddiness- something he associated with being a young teenager. Yoongi is still standing where he left him, hat pulled low almost to his eyes, idly scrolling through his phone. Jimin pauses a moment to look at him.

He doesn’t know where any of this was going. If it was going anywhere at all. Would this simply be, as so many people tell him about their summer flings or crushes or even friendships, just a passing occurrence to be added to his ongoing chronology of life events?

But Jimin doesn’t think about that- doesn’t think about what the future might hold, where it might lead. Not when the present was there, waiting for him at the entryway into his apartment complex.

‘Hey,’ he announces himself though it’s not really necessary because Yoongi has already seen him, pocketing his phone away. ‘As it turns out, Taehyung was not presentable.’

He fights the urge to glance upwards, knowing his two best friends will be grinning down at him from their window.

Yoongi laughs, pushing his bike to stand before nodding towards it.

‘I’d offer you a ride but uh,’ Yoongi looks at the back of his bike, ‘I’m afraid it won’t be very comfortable.’

‘I like the walk,’ Jimin says truthfully. ‘Don’t they say you should work yourself up to your meals?’

Yoongi grimaces at that, ‘I’ve never heard that before?’

‘Well, for today that’s going to be our lifestyle motto,’ Jimin declares.

‘I keep mentioning stew-,’ Yoongi begins.

‘-and ham-.’

‘-and ham,’ he snorts, ‘But it’s very very possible I might end up just cooking us ramen or something.’

Jimin laughs, ‘That’s all right hyung, I’ll still enjoy it.’ He pauses before adding, ‘I should have brought the oranges with me.’

Yoongi snorts, ‘I think I’m going to be associated with oranges for forever now.’

Jimin wants to say that it’s nice- that oranges were a wonderful fruit, refreshing and soothing, sweet with a fragrance that lingers warmly.

‘Actually uh, there was something I wanted to tell you about,’ Yoongi says as they walk out of the smaller street out into the busier intersection.

The sky is a deeper blue down to the east, city lights blinking on slowly, yellow street light lamps blending with the final golden light of the sunset.

‘Oh?’

‘Yeah, uh, but-,’ Yoongi pauses as a car drives past. ‘-but, uh, I guess over dinner?’

‘Okay,’ Jimin nods, ‘Actually, I also have something to say.’

Yoongi looks at him expectantly.

‘Over dinner too,’ Jimin laughs.

‘Ah- we’re gonna have to rock-paper-scissor who gets to go first,’ Yoongi says in a comically serious tone.

‘Best of three?’ Jimin extends his hand out.

Jimin ends up winning (to his surprise), and he cheers- more to do with the fact that he won a round of the game rather than reason as to why they were actually playing the game. Yoongi gives him what could only be described as an indulgent and fond smile. It makes him want to shrivel up but also reach forward to somehow touch Yoongi- feel his smile on his fingertips.  

They don’t talk much- it’s noisy out in the street with people returning home from work, traffic increasing steadily as the evening slowly settles down around them. But there’s a light that seems to follow them in their shared comfortable silence- a light that continues to grow as they walk up the hill that lead up to Yoongi’s house slash family store.

‘I know this is my second time here but,’ Jimin says as they pause outside the small gateway. ‘I really like how your house looks.’

‘Yeah?’ Yoongi looks a little surprised, as though he wasn’t quite sure why Jimin would like it so much. ‘Well, I guess it is nice.’

Jimin laughs, ‘I guess it’s true that after a while, you just get used to things no matter how beautiful it first was to you.’

Yoongi nods thoughtfully as he pushes open the gate.

‘I guess there’s that too,’ he gestures to Jimin to go in first, ‘But I also think some things might transcend beauty.’

Before Jimin can ask Yoongi what he meant, there’s a very surprising bark that greets him from within the compound. And out of nowhere, a small bundle of fur trots out.

‘Oh my god,’ Jimin gawks at the small fluffy poodle. ‘Oh my god?’

‘Ah, you didn’t meet Holly last time,’ Yoongi balances his bike up against the wall. ‘Park Jimin, meet Min Holly.’

Jimin squats down, practically on the floor with his eagerness to introduce himself to the pup.

‘Hi Holly,’ Jimin extends his hand out for the poodle to sniff. ‘Nice to meet you.’

Holly runs around him twice before pausing to sniff his hand his a wet snout. He makes small whiney sounds before bounding off to Yoongi and then back to Jimin. He reaches out and Holly willingly comes to Jimin for pets.

‘Oh my god,’ Jimin says again, ‘What a good baby!’

‘A spoilt one,’ Yoongi snorts but he looks pleased, ‘He’s a very happy lap dog so don’t get him on your lap or he won’t leave.’

‘Bold of you to assume I’d let him go,’ Jimin declares before looking up at Yoongi, ‘Can I pick him up?’

Yoongi nods with an amused smile. Jimin lifts the small dog up, smooshing his face against the poodles soft furry one.

‘Well, I guess if the stew isn’t there Holly is enough compensation.’

‘Hyung,’ Jimin laughs, ‘You know I’m here because I want to be, right? Not because of stew or adorable good babies like you right?’ he turns to address the puppy in his arms. Yoongi wasn’t exaggerating, the poodle is limp in his arms and very ready to simply stay there.

Yoongi might be blushing but Jimin can’t quite see in this dim light.

He’s prepared this time, for the view that greets him as he descends the stairs. It still takes his breath away though, the sky deepening to a dreamy purple-hue as amber city lights sparkle at him from the distance. He doesn’t have the time to be distracted because he finds the balcony changed. Previously there had been a few random items here and there, but it’s been completely cleared out and instead there are flat cardboard boxes stacked up to one side, and large disposal bags tied up to the side. Jimin doesn’t think too much into it, seeing as this was an antique store as well, and they were probably receiving or sending packages of some sort.

‘I didn’t think of giving you slippers last time,’ Yoongi says sheepishly as he vanishes momentarily around the doorway, switching on the lights in the process before reappearing with a pair of bright green ones. ‘I think these should be okay.’

Shoes off and slippers on, Jimin enters the kitchen for the second time and again, things are different in here again. A lot of the furniture has been pushed back and there are boxes filled up halfway with books to one side.

‘Summer cleaning?’ Jimin asks.

‘Uh,’ Yoongi pauses a moment before he nods and says quickly, ‘Something like that.’

Turns out there was stew and ham waiting for them on the stove. Yoongi asks Jimin to take out some additional side dishes from the fridge and there’s something pleasant in this simple activity of reheating food and setting out dinnerware. Yoongi briefly excuses himself to change and comes back down looking incredibly comfortable and like everything Jimin wishes he could feel.

‘I see why my parents used to overstuff my friends plates when I was a kid,’ Yoongi tells him with an amused smile as he servers up Jimin’s plate for him. Jimin accepts the much too large bowl of rice with a laugh.

But as they sit down to eat, Holly curling up on the floor under the table, tail occasionally thumping against Jimin’s foot, Jimin can’t help but feel like he’s about to burst.

‘Uh- is it okay if I uh, tell you my news now?’

Yoongi sits up a little straighter, his attention fully on him and it makes Jimin feel both a little shy but also, in a sense, valued. Yoongi wanted to hear what he had to say.

‘I uh- I made my choice in my major.’

Now that he’s said it, it feels anticlimactic.

‘Um- in finance. Yeah.’

Yoongi doesn’t say anything for a few seconds before he smiles. It’s a genuine smile- not the wide gummy grin he occasionally had or the knowing smirk or the teasing lopsided smile that was a very heart palpitating situation for Jimin to put it mildly.

‘I’m glad,’ Yoongi says, and Jimin believes him. ‘Choosing a major isn’t always easy. You must be feeling relieved?’

‘Uh- actually, I thought I’d be more relieved but I’m- I’m actually really nervous,’ Jimin explains, ‘I randomly think I’ve made the wrong choice.’

‘Hey, it’s okay to be scared,’ Yoongi tells him.

‘How long am I going to be scared?’

Yoongi laughs, leaning back on his chair. His hair is kinda static, clearly a result of the cap he had been wearing. It’s fly away and he looks comfortable. Everything about him just radiated comfort.

‘Have you been scared? Afraid, of like- well, maybe not just uni stuff.’ Jimin asks hesitantly before stuffing his mouth with the stew (it’s delicious).

‘I’m always afraid,’ Yoongi shrugs, tilting his head to smile at Jimin. ‘Isn’t that just a human thing in the end?’

‘I…I guess…’ Jimin nods, ‘Wish I wasn’t though.’

Yoongi leans forward again tucking into his food, ‘Feeling afraid is natural- it’s actually good, according to Namjoon anyways.’

‘Yeah?’

Yoongi nods, carefully picking out bigger bits of the friend ham and placing it on Jimin’s bowl even though he hasn’t even gotten to the ham that’s already on the side of his bowl.

‘Being afraid is smart.’

‘What?’

‘Being afraid means being careful- thinking through something,’ Yoongi pauses before he says, ‘Humans basically have two responses to any stimulus presented to us right? Fight or flight- fear is a natural part of our behavior, our function- it makes us think, makes us smarter. Not being afraid or the concept of not being afraid, at least to me, is limiting. I mean, unless you allow it to like, restrict you completely and stuff,’ he clears his throat, poking around one of the side-dishes randomly, ‘But uh, yeah, that’s what Namjoon had said. And I added on it. Feel free to add more to it.’

Jimin can’t help but smile. He takes a bite of the ham before saying, ‘My addition to that is that fear is all right, as long as you have someone with you. In some form or another.’

Yoongi doesn’t look up from his bowl, ears definitely a warmer brighter shade as he accepts Jimin’s hidden thanks. Jimin explains his major to Yoongi over dinner. Explaining a finance major wasn’t interesting by any means- not even for people taking it, but Yoongi listens intently, asking questions here and there, nodding as he listens to Jimin.

They sit there long after they’re done eating and Jimin tells him about his experience in the summer, about his internship, his advisor- about meeting Namjoon, and inadvertently meeting Yoongi as well.

They only move to put the dishes away and clear the table when Yoongi gets a call and he ducks outside to take it. Jimin clears up the dirty dishes and he’s in the process of soaking them when Yoongi comes back in.

‘I am going to wash them,’ he declares, ‘I will not be persuaded otherwise.’

Yoongi raises his hands up as though in surrender, eyes widening comically.

‘I say that but uh, which scrub do you use?’ Jimin asks sheepishly, pointing at the 3 different scrubs on the side of the sink.

With the dishes done and with a tray of cookies and cans of soda, Yoongi leads Jimin out into the balcony. He brings out floor cushions and Jimin sits down close to the railings, taking in the beautiful sight of the night spread out before him. He thinks Taehyung would love this view- he would probably say it reminded him of some artwork, or would be inspired to create something.

‘There’s also something else I uh, wanna tell you,’ Jimin says nervously as he nibbles on his cookie.

Yoongi gives him a questioning look, leaning his head forward as though to better listen to him even though the night is quiet and peaceful.

‘I uh- well…I’ve also decided to write.’

‘Write?’

Jimin nods, suddenly all his nerves are back. ‘It’s uh- I realized, albeit kinda late, that well, I enjoy it. Writing that is. And I’ll be honest I don’t…I don’t know if it’s just me trying to go back in time and reaching for something I did briefly that made me happy, but it’s…it’s something I want to do. And not because I think I can write because I read so much or-.’

‘Jimin,’ Yoongi interrupts him gently. To his surprise he reaches out a hand. In a sort of delayed stunned reaction, Jimin manages to place his hand in Yoongi’s. ‘Your happiness is for you, how you came to decide upon it, or how you came upon, and when you act upon it, is something that belongs to you and just you- there’s no need to explain it to me, or anyone else.’

Jimin is aware of the light that grows around him- around them, a singular star shining down on them, a story unfolding quietly in the constellation that mapped out his journey.

‘Is it weird to like…do something like this, or plan to do something like this, out of nowhere?’

Yoongi shakes his head at once.

‘Epiphanies,’ Yoongi shrugs with an easy smile, ‘They exist- and maybe yours wasn’t out of nowhere you know?’

Chocolate almond cookies have never tasted better.

‘Do you plan on taking classes?’

‘I don’t know yet,’ Jimin confesses, ‘It’s just…something I’ve decided on now- I don’t know if it’s something I want to do that will be uh, well, professional level or something, but definitely…well, I guess something that makes me happy.’

Yoongi doesn’t say anything except to raise his chilled can in cheers.

Now that it’s said and done- Jimin feels a strange sense of relief mingled with euphoria. He’d been thinking about what Jungkook had told him- and truly about the joy he felt coming up with those stories for Taehyung’s class and project. After it had finished, he had missed writing the little stories. He had even extended their stories past what they had summarized, idly zoning out and thinking about alien planets and alien royalty, of hope, love, strength- presented in soft colours and adorable shapes.

Now just the idea of writing makes him happy- the very idea of adding to those stories, or creating new ones; there’s a sense of anticipation that surrounds him, waiting for the time he can sit down and start writing.

‘I feel like I’ve taken up so much time,’ Jimin confesses as they both take very carbonated and painful gulps of soda, ‘What’s your news hyung?’

‘Ah,’ Yoongi adjusts himself on the cushion a bit more, immediately looking sheepish again. ‘Well…I uh, guess I should probably explain from the beginning?’

Jimin turns a bit more so that he can face Yoongi properly.

‘I was actually out of the city,’ Yoongi explains, settling on the ground more comfortably so that Holly could clamber onto his lap. ‘Well, in short, I’ve been offered an apprenticeship- for bookbinding.’

Jimin blinks a few times before he bursts out, ‘Oh wow hyung! That’s amazing! That’s so cool! A book doctor basically right?’

Yoongi chuckles, breaking bits of the cookie to give to Holly.

‘Uh yeah- and well, the offer came out of nowhere and it was like a, accept it now or you won’t have the chance again kinda thing.’ Yoongi explains, ‘It’s why I left the city- had to talk with parents and family. And well, it’s basically because the apprenticeship is out of the country.’

‘Oh.’

‘Yeah, for almost a year,’ Yoongi still doesn’t look up.

‘Oh.’

‘I was uh-,’ Yoongi huffs out a small laugh, ‘I was actually looking for you today- I tried the library, but no one’s seen you today, or yesterday.’

Jimin doesn’t know what to say.

‘I wanted to tell you, y’know,’ Yoongi scratches at the side of his neck.

There was something in his words- a weight that is familiar- familiar in a way where Jimin recognizes it intimately. Because the weight of his words, of him telling Jimin that he wanted to tell him, let him be a part of this news- because by all means, rationally speaking, there was really no need to go out of his way, looking for Jimin since yesterday, to tell him about this. They were friends, but-…but again, it’s familiar- because this was exactly what Jimin had felt and thought.

Their words carried the same weight, the same meaning- the same unasked question filled with a sense of nervous trepidation and anticipation.

‘Thank you,’ Jimin manages to get out, his voice coming out softer than he intended. Yoongi looks up. ‘For telling me.’

‘Yeah well,’ Yoongi shifts a little where he sits, idly petting Holly’s head, ‘It uh- it felt right to tell you.’

Yoongi can’t quite look him in the eye and so he doesn’t see Jimin’s ridiculously endeared expression.

‘When do you leave?’

Yoongi looks visibly more apprehensive before he takes a breath and says, ‘I’m headed back to my hometown tomorrow morning- actually in a couple of hours, and well- my flight is in the afternoon.’

‘Oh.’

‘Yeah it’s- it’s really…I feel like I haven’t really been able to think about it,’ Yoongi laughs quietly, ‘It’s why the place is in a mess. My uncle and aunt will be taking a short holiday as well, which is why it’s packed up and things are kinda all over the place,’ he gestures to the cardboard boxes.

‘Wow…that’s…that’s really, well, sudden.’

Yoongi nods, looking down at Holly asleep on his lap.

‘You’ll be happy?’

Yoongi looks up at that.

‘Hm?’

‘With this apprenticeship, you’ll be happy right?’

Yoongi gives him a sort of lopsided smile before nodding, ‘Yeah- yeah I think I will be.’

‘Then I’m happy for you hyung,’ Jimin tells him sincerely, and then before he can chicken out adds, ‘You know I uh- I feel like I’ve been able to draw inspiration from people around me- when previously I thought I should…or I used to, compare myself and well, measure what I wanted, what I thought was important, against others-…and well, just that, I feel like after meeting you, I dunno, I feel like I’ve been able to look past just the comparison, and well, really see the heart of it all I guess.’

Yoongi doesn’t look away, his gaze is lit with an intensity that burns on Jimin’s skin.

‘Taehyung and Jungkook have been my best friends, and I-…it’s like I’ve been able to see them, what drives them, so much better now,’ Jimin explains, ‘And I’ve been able to…well, see my own- understand myself a little better. And I know I’ll change, things will change it just does-…but it’s like…I think I’ll be able to deal with it better? Is that too optimistic?’

Yoongi shake his head, his gaze still intently on him.

‘Actually,’ he says in a quiet voice, ‘When we first met I was kinda going through things too.’

‘What?’

Yoongi huffs a short laugh, finally looking away.

‘I felt like…felt like I was stuck. In some weird rut. It’s why I met up with Namjoon that day you met with him actually,’ he laughs, ‘And well- I met you again, and then again-‘ he laughs, ‘-and it was like, I dunno, the whole universe just directing me so that I could talk to you or something- and I well-…I felt like I wanted to do better. After speaking to you, it was like I was able to voice out what I wanted said to me? Something like that. So yeah- I guess I know what you mean too.’

‘Same page?’

Yoongi smiles, ‘Yeah, and I’m happy to be sharing it with you.’

Yoongi tells him some more about his apprenticeship, about the bookbinder who would be his mentor and even shows him her website. They sit side by side, legs pressed up against each other, Holly occasionally switching places between the two of them.

It’s only when Yoongi gets another call that Jimin realizes that it’s incredibly late. And that Yoongi would be getting up very early in order to catch the first train leaving for his hometown.

‘I’ll walk you,’ Yoongi tells him.

‘Hyung, you need to be rested,’ Jimin admonishes him, ‘I know the way, I’ll be fine.’

‘I’ll walk you to the main street,’ Yoongi negotiates, and Jimin is very easily persuaded.

Outside, without Holly’s presence, or the bike in between them or grocery bags being carried, or a library trolley between them, Jimin suddenly feels afloat- dangerously close to Yoongi, his orbit tugging him to fall. They walk in silence- it’s not uncomfortable, far from that. But there’s a sort of heaviness, something that warms the skin on Jimin’s cheeks, his ears, the back of his neck. His hands feel strangely empty as they swing idly. He pockets them, just in case he does something dumb like reach out for Yoongi’s hands that are so close to his own.

They reach the street rather quickly and they stop at the empty junction. There’s a starkness to everything around him, and yet a sort of strange quality that Jimin would describe as a sort of liminal space- something created just around him and Yoongi at this moment.

‘Stay safe hyung,’ Jimin shuffles where he stands, tugging on the sleeves of his button down.

‘I will,’ Yoongi nods, not looking away, eyes bright in this dimly lit street. ‘And you too- stay safe, happy.’

‘I will,’ Jimin echoes Yoongi’s words.

They sort of just stare at each other before Jimin takes a step back. Unable to say anything, Jimin barely gets out a quiet goodnight and turns to walk up the street leading to the road that would take him back to his place. He hears Yoongi’s footsteps after a few seconds, walking away as well.

Exhaling heavily, Jimin looks back just as Yoongi does.

And they both stop at the same time. Stiffly, and feeling everything all at once, Jimin waves before slowly turning and with feet that don’t want to really move, he manages to take 3 steps forward before he hears footsteps other than his own approaching him.

He turns just in time to react, lifting his arms as Yoongi barrels into him.

‘I’ll miss you a lot,’ Yoongi tells him in a quiet low voice, his breath tickling the hair on the side of his head, warmth spreading around him.

‘I’ll miss you too,’ Jimin whispers, hugging him back just as hard as he was being held.

He feels a palm cupping the side of his face.

‘Want to kiss you,’ Yoongi tells him, quietly, privately. Jimin’s heart is in his throat. ‘Uh- but, um-…I don’t know if I should.’

Jimin wheezes because it’s how he’s feeling too. He wants to kiss Yoongi too- but there’s a small but loud thought, asking him if it’s too soon- if this was just situational, just a passing fleeting moment in a time that felt and was pivotal to both of them.

His thoughts are interrupted instead when he feels lips on his cheek, soft and lingering. Then his hands are being taken up as well, and Yoongi kisses them. 

‘Is it cheesy to say I’ll write you?’ Yoongi mumbles against his hands. Jimin turns their hands around and presses gentle kisses along Yoongi’s knuckles.

‘Yes,’ he grins, pressing his face up to their hands, ‘Because you know, we have mobile phones.’

Yoongi laughs- a sort of joyful exhale that is infectious. They take a small step back- not too much, still close enough but no longer pressed against each other.

‘You do have all of my contact information now,’ Jimin reminds him. Even though Yoongi’s going away for almost a whole year, in a different country, different continent- Jimin can’t stop smiling.

Yoongi doesn’t respond- almost as though he hadn’t heard him.

‘Can I?’

Jimin has to think hard as to what Yoongi means.

‘Uh-?’

‘Kiss you,’ Yoongi clarifies, very serious, his expression somehow simultaneously contained but so vulnerable. ‘Can I kiss you? You can say no.’

Jimin narrows the distance between them, pressing his lips against Yoongi’s.

It feels like a promise.

A promise about so many things.

He can feel Yoongi’s smile against his own, a grounding touch in this blissful high.

This time when they separate, all feels right. Yoongi’s blushing cheeks, the softness of his lips on his, and warmth of his body against his- it lingers on him as he waves one last time before turning the street.

It was a promise.

A promise that no matter what, after today, tomorrow would come; a promise that after winter, spring will always come.

A promise that in a sky so vast and unexplored, a constellation of stars will always form, with each step forward, ending in full bloom.

*