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The pain was unbearable at first; it was almost like being burned from the inside out. I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t scream. I just laid there and waited for death to take me into it’s open arms. Dying alone wasn’t exactly the plan but when destiny comes into play, everything else is pushed to the side. My breathing ragged, but my body had stopped shaking uncontrollably and the pain began to die down as numbness started to creep into my very bones. I still clutched my stomach, trying to put pressure on it in order to stop the bleeding, although I knew my efforts were futile. I had already lost too much blood and the damage was done.
Just as I went to close my eyes, I heard a series of yells and hurried footsteps coming my way, as well as the sudden flapping of wings, which signaled the entrance of a certain winged friend of mine. Soon enough, they reached where I laid on the filthy ground, which was soaked with blood; most of it being my own. I couldn’t bring myself to even look over towards them; I felt entirely too weak to do so. I knew it was Crowley who had reached me first when I felt his familiar hands cup my face, shaking as he did so and I didn’t even need to see the look on his face to know how panicked he was.
I saw his face come into view, crouching down and hovering over me, his eyes filled with so many different emotions.
“Y/N, no...no. Why did...why did you do this?? Why would you....fuck.” His usual sarcastic tone of voice was replaced with pain and anguish as he moved some hair away from my face and examined my wounds.
I became aware of Castiel’s presence as he stood over me, his hand gently lifting my hands away from my stomach, revealing the deep wound, which was still gushing blood out of it. He closed his eyes momentarily and sighed, sharing a look with Crowley. I didn’t even need to glance up to know what they were thinking.
“There’s not much that either of us can do, Crowley...” Cas said, his voice wavering.
“I know....I know...” Crowley said, his voice just barely over a whisper.
“Y/N!!”
The boys had arrived, Sam falling to his knees above where my head lay. My eyes flickered over to Dean, who stood over Crowley’s shoulder, his facial expression panicked and hopeless, not knowing what to say or do.
I let out a choked breath, my lips raising slightly into a smile as I tried to make light of the situation.
“Hey guys. I guess I got myself in a sticky situation, huh?” I joked, a laugh getting stuck in my throat and coming out as a cough, as I weakly grasped the side of my ribs in pain.
None of them laughed at my joke and Crowley sent me a half-hearted glare.
“Why would you take on Eldon by yourself?! Why would you do that?” Sam asked me, moving over to my right so I could look at him properly.
Crowley stared me down, his eyes asking the same question and waiting for an answer. I looked around, seeing Dean and Castiel also awaiting my answer.
“I did it for Charlie. I had to...” I said weakly.
“I thought I told you NOT to do this by yourself, in fact I specifically said to wait for us!!” Crowley growled, his eyes beginning to fill with tears.
I felt my heart break upon seeing him cry, tears threatening to spill out of my own eyes, but I stayed strong.
“Eldon is dead though...isn’t he? I did what I was supposed to do. Come on Crowley, with you guys by my side or not, did you really expect me to get out of this with my life? It was my mission and I couldn’t drag you guys into it with me. I had to do it alone...I had to.”
Crowley squeezed his eyes shut, looking away from me as tears continued to stream down his face. He knew it was true, but he just didn’t want to accept it as a fact. It was just much too painful to accept it.
“We could have protected you...I could have protected you.” Crowley said, eyes glistening. “I SHOULD have protected you.”
I narrowed my eyes at him, shaking my head at him.
“Don’t you dare go blaming yourself for this. It was my choice to go it alone.” I said sternly.
I felt Crowley’s hand stroke through my hair, his face contorted in pain and for the first time since I had met him, he was completely speechless.
“Cas....Crowley, can one of you please do something?! Isn’t there anything that you can do?!” I heard Dean practically plead.
“Don’t you think I would’ve done something by now if I could?!?” Crowley snapped, turning his head to glare at Dean menacingly.
“Please don’t fight...” I whispered, not wanting to hear my friends argue during my last few minutes. “I don’t want this to be the last thing I remember.”
“But...we’ll find you! We’ll come get you! We did it for Dean and you guys for me, so we can do the same for you!” Sam quipped up, speaking with a shakiness to his voice.
I laughed softly, smiling sadly at Sam’s hopeful suggestion.
“Sam, we all know there’s no coming back for me. I’m not a Winchester or an angel for that matter....I’m just plain old me. My part of this story is over...”
I felt Crowley shake as he took my words in, tears falling more rapidly now and I allowed a few tears to escape and fall down my cheeks as well.
“Don’t say that!” Dean growled, reaching down to wipe a tear away. “Please don’t say that. It’s not over, you’re not going to stay gone...you can’t stay gone!” His voice began to lower with each word until he fell silent. I watched him angrily wipe tears away from his face and I knew that it was only wishful thinking. He knew as well as everyone else that this was the end of the road for me.
I opened my mouth to say something else but coughed, blood splattering onto my already ruined shirt. The numbness crept in more rapidly now, spreading to my stomach and down to my legs, rendering me still.
My attention then turned back to Crowley, who still hovered over top of me, this face filled with what I can only call grief, the situation at hand fully setting in for him.
“Y/N...” He whispered, leaning his face down and without warning, pressing his lips to mine gently.
I kissed back without hesitation, feeling his tears mix in with my own, leaving a bitter-sweet taste in my mouth, along with hints of whiskey and something that was purely Crowley.
When we parted lips, I felt myself starting to drift, scanning his eyes and finding what I had desperately wanted to see for so long; love.
“I love you, Y/N. I’ve always loved you, but I was too much of a coward to tell you until now.” He spoke, with a slight tremble in his speech.
I smiled, wincing slightly at the pain before answering, “I love you too, Crowley and nothing, not even death can change that.”
Darkness was beginning to cloud my vision and I knew I didn’t have much time left, and at that same moment, Crowley curled his arms around me, pulling me so I was laying half across his lap. He placed kisses on my face and ran his fingers through my hair soothingly.
“It’s okay, Y/N.” I heard Cas whisper, my eyes flickering over to his face, only to see a few tears of his own escaping his eyes as he realized how fast I was starting to fade. “We’re here, Crowley is here, Sam and Dean are here, I’m here...” He trailed off, not knowing what else to say and at the same time, not allowing himself to speak in fear of saying something he wouldn’t ever be able to take back.
“Your friends are here.” Sam spoke up, voice cracking as his eyes raked over my broken and beaten body. “We’ll stay with you.”
“Until the end?” I asked weakly, straining to keep my eyes open.
“Until the end.” It was Dean who spoke now, placing a hand on my shoulder.
“Always, love.” Crowley added, kissing my forehead. “I’ve got you...I’ve got you.”
I nodded, turning to Sam and Dean, who were now side by side. “Promise me,” I croaked.
“Promise me that you’ll put an end to all of this...once and for all. You can’t let the Mark of Cain come between you both. You're brothers and you have to stick together no matter what. Family is all you've got in the end.”
They both nodded slowly, agreeing to what they knew to be my very last request.
“Promise.” Sam stated, bringing his hand to grasp my own and giving it a light squeeze, which I barely felt.
I looked at Dean, seeing how he was fighting back tears, his hands curling into fists at his sides. Weakly, I raised my hand out and reach towards him, taking his hand in my own and squeezing it while looking at him sternly in the face.
"Don't let that thing on your arm control you. Fight it, you hear me? You can't let it beat you. No matter how hard it gets, okay? You're strong, Dean. I have faith in you."
"I would have followed you two to the end," I paused, scanning both of the brothers' faces and cracked a small smile. "No matter what the circumstances. I'm sorry that I couldn't do that."
"No. Don't apologize for what you can't control, kid, you hear me?" Dean said immediately, looking at me sternly.
I nodded, letting him know I understood.
Looking up at Crowley, my eyes locked instantly locked with his, becoming lost in them. “Keep an eye on my boys for me, please? And don't stop fighting. Ever.” I whispered, reaching my hand up to shakily caress his cheek. “There’s still so much in this world worth fighting for and when I’m gone, I don’t want you to give up. Don’t ever give up...”
Crowley pressed his lips to mine once again, this time more passionately, knowing that this would be the last chance that we had to share these moments together. I kissed him back slowly, letting the tears flow from my eyes, both in happiness and sadness. After parting, we both stared at one another; Crowley scanning my face almost like he was trying to memorize every detail about it by heart.
“I love you so damn much. I always will.” He whispered, tightening his arms around me.
“I...I love you too, Crowley.” I muttered, my voice weak.
I closed my eyes for a moment before opening them again, glancing up at the sky.
It was still night and I could see the stars littering the sky, sparkling and shining, all in their very own unique ways. Some were brighter than others and some just barely there, reminding me of life itself and how fleeting it can sometimes be, although both beautiful and painful nonetheless. I thought about how gorgeous it looked, realizing how long it had been since I took the time to look at the night sky. It goes to show that the littlest things can bring so much joy, peace and tranquility, even if it’s just for a short time.
I heard Dean begin to hum the tune to a song that sounded so painfully familiar, not being able to put my finger on the name of it. But nonetheless, it calmed me, slowly but surely lulling me off to a place where no one else could follow.
“I love you, I love you, I love you...” Crowley whispered over and over again, cradling me close.
My breath slowed and my eyes grew heavy. I felt at peace, finally being able to get the rest that I oh so desperately needed. A smile fell across my lips. Surrounded by friends, people who cared for me, and it was so much better than dying alone.
Everything faded out of focus, my eyes closing for the last time and the very last things I remembered before everything else was gone, was the sound of Dean’s humming, the feel of Crowley’s embrace and his fingers flowing through my hair, his soothing whispers, and the mere feeling of contentment, knowing that what was done is done.
What’s done is done.
I took one final shuddering breath and with that, the world faded away completely and I was gone.