Chapter Text
You were standing in the kitchen washing the breakfast dishes as Eddie buzzed around you. He was shoving the things he would need for his shift at the 118 into his duffel bag. Everything seemed to be scattered in every corner of your shared apartment.
“So, do you have anything planned for today?” he asked, pausing to glance up at you.
“Not really,” you shrugged. “I might be grabbing lunch with Kelly but that’s it.”
“You should take some time to do something nice for yourself then. You've seemed a bit down lately and you’re always working so hard taking care of things around here. You deserve it.”
“Oh, my god, you sound like Evan,” you said, rolling your eyes. “He’s always saying I give too much, that I don’t take enough time for myself.”
“He’s right,” Eddie chuckled. “As your twin, he knows you better than anyone so you should probably listen to him. And me, because I know what I’m talking about, too,” he added, almost as an afterthought.
You smiled and shook your head at him in response. Eddie left the room, presumably to try and figure out what was taking Christopher so long to get ready for school. As soon as he disappeared from sight, the smile dropped straight off of your face. You would be doing something for yourself today, but it was neither fun nor enjoyable. In fact, it was absolutely petrifying.
A few minutes later Eddie reentered the room, Christopher in tow. “Go ahead and grab your backpack, buddy. We gotta go,” Eddie said as he walked over to you.
Your hands were stuck in the soapy, water filled sink when he approached you from the side. He rested one hand on your hip and looked at you earnestly.
“Seriously, please take some time for yourself today. Even if it’s just to walk down the street and grab a coffee.”
“I will,” you said, nodding in agreement. He smiled and pressed a quick kiss to your lips, satisfied with your response.
Christopher had finished getting his things for school and was now waiting patiently for his dad. Eddie gave your hip a quick squeeze before crossing the apartment, grabbing his duffle, and meeting Christopher at the door.
“Love you!” they both called out as they opened the door and stepped through.
“Love you, too,” you called back, the door slamming shut behind them with an eerie finality.
—
You looked around the doctor’s office, your leg bouncing up and down uncontrollably. To say you were nervous was an understatement. This was your second appointment this week. You had gone in for your yearly check-up, and while performing your routine breast exam the doctor had found a lump. Breast cancer was rare in women your age, but not an impossibility.
The door in front of you opened and a nurse stepped through, calling your name. You stood and followed her through the door and back to an exam room. Your nerves were skyrocketing when the doctor finally came and got you for your mammogram. When it was over, she returned you to the exam room where you waited again, this time for the results.
The waiting was the hardest part. You had waited three days between appointments, one hour in the waiting room, and now twenty minutes for your exam results. This was potentially just the beginning of the waiting, and it was already excruciating.
The doctor entered the room with a grim look on her face. She hadn’t liked what she had seen on the mammogram and wanted to do a biopsy. You would need to make an appointment with a specialist in a different part of the practice for a later date, but she wanted you to begin preparing now. Your head spun as you listened to her describe the procedure. It was pretty non-invasive, just a needle removing some cells that would be sent off to a lab and tested. You would be able to go home immediately after with slight swelling and minimal pain. The results would come back four days later. You could make your appointment with the secretary on the way out.
You walked back down the hallway toward the waiting room in a daze, unsure of how to process the information that had just been thrown at you. The doctor had insisted that there was nothing to worry about yet, but that did nothing to stop the influx of emotions that were currently coursing through your body. You stopped briefly at the front desk and made your next appointment for six days from the current one. Your motions were zombie-like as you exited the doctor’s office and headed home.
—
You awoke the next morning feeling unsteady. You were having trouble processing. So you decided to pretend like everything was fine.
This is exactly what you were doing when Eddie arrived home from his shift. He walked through the door and found you sitting at the kitchen table, joking with Christopher over chocolate chip pancakes.
“Hey guys.” He walked over the table, stopping to ruffle Christopher’s hair and press a kiss to the top of your head. You put some pancakes onto his plate as he slid into his chair.
“You have about five minutes until we have to leave for school,” you said to Christopher. He nodded in response before turning and starting to chatter at Eddie.
While they talked, you pushed your pancake pieces around on your plate, not at all interested in actually eating them. You were so interested in looking down at your plate that you didn’t notice the small glances Eddie was shooting your way.
“Alright, kiddo,” you said a few short minutes later. “Time to go.”
Christopher nodded, clearly disappointed, but stood anyway and walked to the counter to get his lunch.
“I’ll clean this up,” Eddie said, gesturing to the breakfast remnants in front of you.
“Thanks,” you said. You moved to get up and follow Christopher but Eddie’s hand on your arm stopped you.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just didn’t sleep well last night.” You shot him a small smile and stood up. Eddie’s eyes tracked your back the entire way as you walked toward the front door.
He sighed as it opened up and closed behind you. The smile that you had attempted to give him hadn’t reached your eyes. Something was wrong.
—
You ran circles around Eddie for the next six days. Every time he questioned your mood you managed to skirt around it or give some half baked excuse as to why you were acting that way. You knew he was hurt by your behavior, but you didn’t want to tell him anything until you had definitive answers. That way he didn’t have to share in as much of the waiting. It would be easier for him. You didn’t want him to worry if it turned out to be nothing.
You sent him off to his shift with a bright smile on the morning of your biopsy appointment. As you drove to the doctor’s office, you couldn’t help but feel guilty. He deserved better than what you were currently giving him, but at the moment it was all you could manage.
As soon as you arrived at the doctor’s office, you were whisked away for your biopsy. The procedure was relatively quick with minimal pain. You were slightly tender and swollen, but it wasn’t anything noticeable that would impact the rest of your day. Now, it was time for more waiting.
You were driving home when your phone rang. When you answered you were slightly surprised to hear Athena’s voice on the other end of the line.
“Hey girl, you up to anything pressing right now?” she asked.
You considered her question carefully before responding. “No, I’m just heading home.”
“Well you better turn that car around and head this way. I’m at the station making lunch and I would love it if you would join. I could use some help in the kitchen and I know a couple boys that would love to see you.”
It was an invitation you couldn’t deny. If you did, you knew she would say something to Eddie or Buck and then they would definitely know something was wrong.
“I’ll be right over!” You brightened your voice and it rose an octave.
As you hung up the phone and turned your car around in the direction of the station, you wondered when your life had suddenly become such a lie.
—
You wandered across the apparatus floor on auto-pilot. All you could think about was the test results you were waiting for.
As you approached the stairs, Buck came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your middle. You startled at the touch and let out a surprised gasp.
He released you instantly. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He smiled, apologetically. “What are you doing here?”
You ran your palm across your forehead as you organized your thoughts. “Uh, lunch. Athena called and told me she was cooking for you guys today.”
“Awesome. I think it’s going to be a little while before it’s ready, but she’s upstairs. Eddie was over rolling hoses last I saw him.” He pointed towards the side of the truck as he explained.
“Okay,” you said, turning to head up the stairs.
Buck placed a hand on your shoulder to keep you from turning away. “Are you alright? You seem distracted.”
You plastered a smile on as you nodded. “Yeah. It’s just been a long morning.”
You could see that he didn’t quite believe you but he let it go, for now. You continued up to greet Athena and thank her for the invite.
Eddie walked up next to Buck as you cleared the top step. Buck looked over at him before he looked back up. “Does she seem off to you?”
Eddie frowned. “Yeah, she has been off all week. She didn’t even come say hi to me just now. Did she say anything to you about something going on?”
Buck shook his head. “No, just said it’s been a long morning.”
Eddie sighed as he headed over towards the weight room, deciding to give you some space until lunch was ready.