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“I use to be in love with this girl. An ex soccer player or whatever.” Hyejoo announced to the crowd of people in front of her. Her band was performing tonight in front of thousands of fans. She never thought she’d make it this far but here she was.
“She- oh, she liked someone else. Well loved but I kept that a secret from myself so it didn’t hurt as much.” Giggles from the audience. “Like any other sane musician, I wrote a song about her. Even if the band had no traction back then I figured, one day we’d make it.”
“So, here’s the song. It’s called Andy, You’re a Star because that girl use to come to my shows and I didn’t want her knowing I loved her. So like most closeted lesbians scared of their crushes knowing their sexuality, I made it heterosexual.” Another laugh from the adoring fans. Hyejoo was really on a roll.
“And also, to the girl who this is about, I hope you’re hearing this somewhere.” Hyejoo signaled to the drummer and guitarist to start off the song.
The beginning riff sounded in the concert hall as screams could be heard from adoring fans. Hyejoo looked out into the crowd and smiled. She had come so far from her small hometown that it just felt so unbelievable.
So she began singing the song.
“On the field I remember you were incredible.”
Senior year of high school. First game of the season. Hyejoo was apprehensive about watching it as she knew her friend, Yerim, had a tendency to bail on her.
“Hey shut up, hey shut up, yeah.”
“Hope I didn’t keep you waiting.” Yerim said. She sat down next to her friend, looking out towards the field. Yerim didn’t even like soccer so she wondered why she dragged Hyejoo all the way out here.
“On the field I remember you were incredible.”
“That one, right there.” Yerim pointed out. “Isn’t she cute?” Hyejoo stared, awestruck at the appearance of such a beautiful woman. Beautiful black hair. A face carved by the gods. The body of Aphrodite herself.
“Hey shut up, hey shut up, yeah.”
“W-who is that?” Hyejoo asked. Yerim just giggled at her friend.
“Hyunjin Kim.”
“On the match with the boys, you think you’re all alone.”
Hyejoo stared at the player as she maneuvered the ball around her opponents. The crowd chanted the team name as Hyunjin kicked the ball into the net to score a goal.
Even someone with little soccer experience, like herself, could tell Hyunjin Kim was one of a kind.
“With the pain that you drain from love.”
Hyejoo began attending every soccer game, with or without Yerim. She didn’t care if she was alone or with a friend. The girl was just so enamored with the soccer player. She even wrote multiple songs about her that she presented to the band. Of course Sooyoung had to butt in and say she was obsessed which ruined Hyejoo’s entire mood.
“In a car with a girl, promise me she’s not your world.”
It had gotten to the point in which Chaewon would ask if a song they were playing was written with anything in mind. Some of them were whilst others were just mindless rambles she created after downing too many energy drinks. The ones that were created with motivation, however, were the ones that the group liked the most.
And to that, Hyejoo told Sooyoung to suck it.
“Cause Andy, you’re a star.”
She approached Hyejoo one day. Not because she liked her like Hyejoo hoped but because she needed help with school work. Luckily for her, Hyejoo was quite the smart one.
“Hey, are you Hyejoo?”
“Leave your number on the locker and I’ll give you a call.”
Hyejoo was now Hyunjin’s tutor. They spent hours a day talking. Mostly school work but on some days, they talked about themselves. Hyejoo was slowly getting use to having Hyunjin as a friend and Hyunjin felt the same way.
Sometimes she’d even tease the soccer player about the fact that she had left her number on Hyejoo’s locker to call when they had a study session.
“Hey shut up, hey shut up, yeah.”
“Dude, shut up about Hyunjin for five seconds. We’re trying to rehearse.” Sooyoung said as she made sure her drum kit was in good condition.
“You know I love you, Oli, but you really need to cool it.” Jiwoo added as she went back to tuning her guitar.
“I think you already know where I stand.” The last member of the group, Chaewon, said. She was plugging her bass into the amp.
“Ok. Then let’s start rehearsing.
The band nodded, getting their instruments ready. Even if they were told they had no future, they still wanted to give it a shot. Just in case.
“Leave your legacy in gold on the plaques that line the hall.”
“So yeah. I won this team three of out 7 championships it has ever won.”
Hyejoo smiled. “So, you’ve won every year since you got here?”
“Yeah. And I’m hoping I can win this year again. A quadruple-peat!” Hyunjin beamed.
“You’re cute.”
“On the streets, such a sweet face jumping in town.”
“Oh, Hyejoo, I think I’m in love.”
Hyejoo turned her head as fast as she could to face the older girl. She was lying on her bed whilst Hyejoo went over her English essay for mistakes.
“Really?” Hyunjin nodded. “Who is it?”
Hyunjin inhaled sharply. “Heejin Jeon.”
“In the staff when the verdict is in.”
“Hye’s mopey today.” Jiwoo pointed out to the rest of yyxy. The other members just shrugged. They really didn’t care about why Hyejoo was moping right now. They had to practice for their upcoming gig at some downtown cafe.
“Alright, girls. Let’s rock.” Hyejoo said. Her voice was devoid of emotion and thought which alarmed the rest of the band. Still, the trudged on because they knew that this cafe gig was important.
“In a car with a girl, promise me she’s not your world.”
“I can’t play the rest of the season.” Hyunjin sounded defeated as she announced her injury to Hyejoo. The girl had asked why she was in crutches earlier and now regretted her decision.
“I’m so sorry.”
Hyunjin shrugged. “It’s whatever. At least I can make your band thing now.”
Hyejoo smirked, pretending that the thought of Hyunjin watching her band play wasn’t the greatest thing ever.
“You’d really come?”
“Of course!” Hyunjin said. “Is it cool if I bring my girlfriend? I mean, she’s really into rock so I’m sure she’ll love you guys.”
Hyejoo’s heart shattered but her face didn’t.
“Sure.”
“Cause Andy, you’re a star.” Hyejoo shouted at the top of her lungs as she remembered the inspiration for the song. The inspiration for most of her old songs. The inspiration fo keep pursuing her dreams of becoming an artist.
“In nobody’s eyes but mine.”
Nobody remembers Hyunjin Kim. She faded away with her high school glory just like thousands of kids who peaked in high school.
“Andy, you’re a star.”
She remembers when she told the girls about changing the Hyunjins to Andys to cover up the attraction she had towards the girl. Her bandmates asked why as Hyunjin would most likely never see one of their shows. Hyejoo’s answer? ‘I can’t take that chance.’
“In nobody’s eyes but mine.”
So Hyejoo looked out into the crowd like she always did during this song. It was her tradition. She always wanted to see, if by some slim chance, Hyunjin’s head peeking up at her through the crowd. She knew the odds were low but hey, a girl can dream.
“Andy, you’re a star.”
She wasn’t upset when she didn’t see Hyunjin in the audience. Rather, she felt this feeling. This feeling that told her to just let go of the past. She was already 21 years old yet she still held on to the hope that was Hyunjin Kim.
“In nobody’s eyes.”
So, after 3 years of holding onto the memory of someone who doesn’t remember her, she let go. And boy did it feel good.
“In nobody’s eyes but mine.”
Hyejoo closed her eyes as the outro riff sounded in the highly populated room. She made it big. They doubted her music, her originality. But, here she was. On stage with her best friends and bandmates, playing the music she wrote about the life she loves.
In a sense, she’s happy she didn’t get together with Hyunjin. She turned out to be a washed up soccer star who became nothing after she graduated. Even if it sounds harsh, Hyejoo knew the girl would have slowed her down.
So, yes, she was content with who she was without Hyunjin.