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Jace wasn’t aware that love didn’t feel like conflict…not until he felt it through his Parabatai bond.
For all of Jace’s life, love was a nebulous, complex thing. It always had a touch of bitterness to it, the sharp tang of uncertainty. As a child, he loved his father. But that love was compulsory and constantly challenged by brutality and manipulation. He grew to love his new family, the Lightwoods, but always felt as if he was on the outside looking in. He cared for them, but there was a phantom fear – to love is to destroy. He carried that threat within his heart through to adulthood.
Then he met Clary. Loving her was like a torch finally lit deep inside…and then it was forcibly snuffed out. Clary was his sister. He had to smother that love, beat it into submission, and chain it as deep down as he could…but still it whispered. And he hated himself for it.
When something fluttering, warm and pure began to seep into him, Jace was confused. But then he saw Alec smile crookedly at Magnus Bane from across the room, and he realized. This was Alec’s love, untainted and released from decades of entrapment.
Living at Magnus’s apartment was sweet torture. Being in such close vicinity of his Parabatai, he could feel it all the stronger. One night, he felt an explosive connection. And he witnessed tender moments – the two of them brushing hands over breakfast, Magnus kissing Alec’s unruly hair when he fell asleep on the couch. Jace’s heart felt like it was going to combust…and he was only feeling this second-hand.
So, when Magnus joined him on the balcony one morning, typically cocky and blasé, Jace couldn’t help but deliver a warning. Magnus Bane held Alec’s heart in his hands. Magnus could so easily shatter his brother completely.
Jace wanted Alec to be happy. And a part of him clung to this second-hand love, knowing that it was likely the closest he would get to the real thing.