Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I'm a Ferrari, pulled off on Mulholland Drive

Over the city

The lights are so pretty

From up here

"Mmmm" I groaned as I started hearing my phone's alarm.

I reached by my nightstand as I try to get my phone.

I grabbed it, turned off the alarm. And checked the time.

"Uhh, 7am...Saturday." I weakly read as the dizziness clouded my head.

I slowly placed my phone back as I decided to nap a little longer.

Not even a minute later, I felt someone crawling beside me.

It startled me but I was too sleepy to react.

I then felt a hand slowly burrow beneath my side while another slowly crawled on my stomach.

Someone was hugging me.

"Ahh...it's probably Hueningkai..." I said before I decided to resume sleeping.

"Soobin-hyung" Someone whispered.

"Mmm?" I faintly said.

"Bebe Rexha liked one of the selcas you posted on our Twitter account last night."

"HUH?!" I gasped immediately as I sat right back up, all sleepiness gone.

I then faced to the voice beside me.

"Ohh? Beomgyu?" I said, surprised. Not expecting to see Beomgyu.

He then gave me a fond smile as he showed his phone to me.

"Waaah!" I exclaimed happily as I saw it.

He wasn't lying, it's true!

Beomgyu then celebrated with me as he reached in for a hug, to which I happily met.

"Waah, I can't believe this. I'm so happy!" I told Beomgyu as I hugged him.

"Congratulations Soobin-hyung!" Beomgyu said.

"Ohh! But look at this too!" Beomgyu excitedly said as he took his phone and showed me something.

"V-sunbaenim commented on my Weverse post. He said I look handsome!" Beomgyu excitedly said.

"Waah! Congratulations!" I said as we jumped a little.

"I think we should do a V-live Soobin-hyung!" Beomgyu suggested.

"Hmmm? Sure why not?!" I excitedly said.

I can't wait to share this to MOAs!

I thought to myself.

Beomgyu then broke our hug as he spoke.

"What should we do Soobin-hyung? Should we do another crafting live? Or maybe another ASMR?" Beomgyu asked me.

"Hmmmm" I said as I placed my finger on my foreheard, thinking.

"I miss doing ASMRs, I haven't done one in a long time!" I said as I remembered how long it was since my last ASMR live.

"ASMR it is then!" Beomgyu said as he high-fived me.

"Yeah!" I excitedly said as I met his hand.

"Is it on?" I said as I checked my phone to see if we're already live.

I then saw a comment saying "It is on Soobinie!" 

"Hahahaha thank youuu!" I said as I thanked the fan who told me.

I then watched as people entered.

Hearts suddenly appearing, continuing to rise in numbers.

Beomgyu then finally came and sat beside me, carrying various food that we'll eat. 

He brought chips, fruits, drink, and most importantly, bread!

"Waaah! Yaaay!" I excitedly exclaimed as I clapped my hands.

"Can't celebrate without your favorite food right, Soobin-hyung?!" Beomgyu excitedly said as he sat beside me.

He carefully placed the food down by the table one by one, while I arranged it so that everything would fit.

"Soo-bin-hyung!" Beomgyu happily said as he held the bread and danced.

"Waaah! Thank youuu!" I happily said as I take it.

We then checked the comments and read some of it.

"Soobin so cute!"

"Soobin please act like a bunny!"

"Beomgyu very handsome!"

"Soogyuuuuu <3"

"Aww Beomgyu brought Soobin bread T.T"

I then looked at Beomgyu and lightly punched his shoulder, embarrassed. 

Beomgyu simply laughed as he started opening the chips.

He then poured them on the bowl we had.

"Ahh. I should peel these." I said as I grabbed some of the fruits.

We then continued preparing as we read the comments of our fans.

"Please give us a spoiler for your comeback!" I read.

"Ahhh... noooo." I then said in response to it as I continued peeling fruits.

Beomgyu then laughed as he spoke.

"We're really bad at giving spoilers." 

"Yeaah, so we'd rather not talk. We might get scolded later." I said as I laughed.

Finally, I finished peeling all of the fruits.

I then looked at Beomgyu to see that he's done on his side as well.

We then crawled towards the camera as we asked.

"Should we start?"

Followed by a flood of comments saying yes.

With that, we started our ASMR.

Never have I imagined, that it would be my last.

Crunching sounds were heard as we chewed the chips.

Followed by the slurping sounds of our drinks.

"Are you having fun?" Beomgyu whispered to the camera.

"Yeah, are we good?" I then asked.

To which our MOAs responded by saying yes. Lots of it.

We were then very happy as we feel content, being able to make our MOAs happy.

"Ohh? We're already out of drinks?" Beomgyu then said, surprised.

I then looked at the empty bottles of grape juice, and was surprised as well to find it empty.

"Waah, we already drank that much?" I said.

"Well...It was really delicious." Beomgyu said as he laughed.

"I think we still have some on the ref Soobin-hyung, wait here." Beomgyu said as he stood.

"Aren't those Taehyun's?" I said.

Beomgyu simply laughed as he spoke.

"We'll just borrow it. HAHAHAHA" Beomgyu then said as he made his way out.

I then continued eating chips as I read the comments.

"Soobin can you please sing Our Summeeer"

I then smiled as I remembered our song, Our Summer.

"Ahhh, Our Summer!"

"I really like that song!"

I then happily sang the chorus, but I suddenly felt embarrassed so I immediately covered my face after singing.

I then read the comments saying how cute I was, how cute my voice was, and how pretty the song was.

I then smiled as I thanked our fans.

I then saw the bread that Beomgyu brought, and I immediately got excited.

One of my most favorites is plain bread with strawberry jam, I really loved how you can taste the plain bread on some parts, while you taste the jam on the other parts.

Some people don't like plain bread as they say it tastes boring, but I really love it!

I don't know why but I've always loved its taste. It tastes like, bread? 

I then quickly grabbed one and ate it while I continue reading comments.

I finished it quickly so I grabbed another one.

I then noticed how fast I was eating the bread, at this rate there would be none left before Beomgyu comes back!

I then stopped myself from getting another bread as I want to share this bread with Beomgyu.

"Hmmm, fine, just 1 more!" I said on my mind as I took another bread.

I took it and placed it on my mouth.

I then started coughing as I felt huge clumps of bread crumbs on my throat.

I moved a little on the side of the camera as I continued coughing.

I continued coughing and coughing as i tried to spit them out.

But it was not working.

I started to panic as I frantically tried to spit them out.

I'm starting to lose my breath.

I feel myself get weaker by the second.

I'm starting to feel cold.

I can't breathe.

I'm gonna die.

I then heard rapid footsteps running as someone opened the door.

I remember falling to the ground as my vision started to fade.

"Soobin-hyung! Soobin-hyung!"

I heard Beomgyu's voice call out to me as he run towards me.

I fell unconscious.

Chapter Text

"Soobin-hyung! Soobin-hyung!"

I heard these words for what seemed like hours.

It changed from someone's voice into someone.

Then someone again.

But they all kept saying the same.

"Soobin-hyung."

I then regained consciousness for what seemed like days of sleep.

I looked at the unfamiliar yet so familiar room.

I slowly sat up as I look around.

Until I finally realized where I was.

I was in a hospital.

I then heard another familiar voice.

Saying those familiar words once again.

"Soobin-hyung."

I looked by my side to see who it was.

It was Hueningkai.

"Why?" I slowly answered.

"Soobin-hyung." Hueningkai repeated.

"Why? What's wrong?" I answered once more.

But he just kept on repeating.

"Soobin-hyung, please wake up." Hueningkai said.

"What do you mean? I'm up." I said.

"Please wake up, Soobin-hyung." Hueningkai said once more, this time, with tears.

I've never been this confuse my entire life.

Hueningkai then suddenly moved in for a hug.

It startled me but I was fine with it.

That's when I finally realized.

I stared wide-eyed as I saw him pass right through me.

I then looked to find him, hugging me.

Or to be exact, my body.

I then slowly stared at my hands as I realize, it was transparent.

I was transparent.

I, was a ghost.

I was speechless. I didn't know what to do, say or feel.

I thought of everything.

My family, my friends, my members, our MOAs.

Everything.

I thought of what they would feel, what they would say.

Everything.

I slowly started tearing up as things finally sink in.

That I would never be with them.

That I would never make new memories with them.

That I would never eat bread again.

That I would never see our MOAs again.

That I would never feel my members hugs.

That I, am dead.

I held my hands by my face as I started crying.

Oddly enough, it felt weird.

It was as if I was alive.

It felt the same back when I was alive.

So this is how it feels to cry when you're dead? I thought to myself.

Suddenly, I heard someone open the door and come in.

It was Yeonjun-hyung.

His eyes were red, and it was very noticeable that he had been crying.

He slowly went closer.

He touched Hueningkai by his shoulder and spoke.

"The doctor said they've done everything they could." Yeonjun said softly as Hueningkai slowly looked at him.

"What would happen? Yeonjun-hyung." Hueningkai asked, in tears.

"They said only Soobin can help himself." Yeonjun weakly answered as I saw tears starting to form in his eyes.

"They said that it's all up to Soobin." Yeonjun then continued as he finally burst into tears.

It made me a little happy, seeing how much they care for me. 

But it saddened me even more, seeing them in so much pain.

It was then that I finally started to realize my situation.

I looked at my heart rate monitor to confirm, and it was then that I saw.

There was still a heartbeat on my heart rate monitor!

I'm not dead! Yet, at least.

I felt hope surge back into me as I realize that there is still hope.

I can still come back!

I then immediately tried lying back down into my body.

Thinking back of all those movies I've seen wherein once the ghosts lay back down to their bodies, their bodies started moving shortly.

I kept repeating it.

And again, and again, and again.

Hoping that every time I sat back up, it was with my body.

But every time, I was met with disappointment as I still see my transparent hands.

Suddenly, I heard Hueningkai spoke.

"Yeonjun-hyung, where's Beomgyu-hyung?" Hueningkai asked.

Yeonjun remained silent for awhile before answering.

"He's with Taehyun." Yeonjun answered coldly.

"Yeonjun-hyung, it isn't Beomgyu-hyung's fault." Hueningkai said.

I then saw as Yeonjun only remained quiet as he clutched his fist.

"No! It wasn't Beomgyu's fault!" I screamed, hoping they would hear me.

But of course, they didn't.

I then watched as Yeonjun continued crying as he spoke.

"I know it isn't..." Yeonjun said weakly.

"But I trusted him! I trusted him with Soobin! And now what?! Soobin is half dead!" Yeonjun yelled as he finally burst into emotions.

I then held my mouth as I felt like I too will burst.

Hueningkai only remained silent as he hugged Yeonjun to calm him down.

I wanted to hug him.

I wanted to hug them.

I wanted to tell them everything will be okay.

But I couldn't.

It was then that I remembered Beomgyu.

He was the last person I was with, he must be blaming himself too.

I then slowly stood as I look at Yeonjun and Hueningkai.

I tried hugging them, but of course, I just went right through them.

I then walked out of my room.

Being a ghost feels weird.

I know that I would just go right through people, but for some reason, I still keep on dodging by instinct.

I carefully made my way through the crowd as I finally reached the exit.

I was about to go to a bus stop, when I remembered that I was a ghost.

I hated moving, I always did.

But I have no choice.

I went by the sidewalk as I decided to walk my way back to our dorm.

I wasn't sure what I was going to do, but all I knew was I had to go back.

I had to see Beomgyu.

I can't let him blame himself.

It wasn't his fault.

"Ahhh you startled me!" I yelled as a dog suddenly barked and ran towards me.

For some reason, I forgot being a ghost, all I knew was I was scared.

I love dogs, but it still scares me when they bark and bare their fangs.

"Wait, can you see me?!" I asked in surprise as I notice the dog looking straight at me.

It was a stray dog, but it looks cute as well.

It made me remember the time I went to a Dog cafe with Beomgyu.

It was a very fun memory, one I'll always treasure.

One that will never happen again.

I then snapped back to reality as I hear the dog bark once again.

It then ran circles around me.

I raised my hand and moved it, and surprisingly, the dog seemingly follows it.

I raised my hand, followed by the dog who stood a little.

I then tried petting the dog.

And to my surprise, I was actually touching the dog!

"Waaah!" I exclaimed in surprise and joy as I pet the dog.

To which the dog loved. 

It no longer barked, but it started licking me all of a sudden.

I was happy! It was fun!

But it made me even more confused at my current situation.

I looked at my hands, expecting them to be solid by now, but it still wasn't.

It was still the same transparent hands I woke up to.

I then tried something to confirm my suspicions.

I stood up and tried touching the wall.

And sure enough, I was touching it.

As if my hands were solid.

I then remembered, that I was lying in bed when I woke up.

As if I was normal.

"I guess I only go through humans?" I thought to myself as I come up with this conclusion.

I then decided that I should start moving.

I tried petting the dog goodbye, but it won't let me.

It kept on blocking my way, not wanting me to leave I guess.

"Aigoo! You can come along if you want?" I then said as I reached my hand to the dog.

It then licked my hand which made me giggled as I felt tickled.

I then stood and started walking, with the dog following me.

I looked at it and gave it a smile.

I then saw some kids playing, I smiled at the cuteness of it.

I remember when I used to play with my friends, just like them.

I saw them playing catch with a ball.

I then watched them fondly for a few seconds, before I started walking again.

When suddenly, I felt something hit the back of my head.

I turned around, surprised, to see a ball bouncing right behind me.

I then watched as the children slowly walked towards me to the pick ball.

I instinctively picked it up to give it to them.

"Ahhh! I forgot!" I exclaimed as I remembered that I'm a ghost.

This would scare them, I thought so I immediately dropped the ball.

The kids looked at the ball very confused, probably wondering what happened.

But they just resumed and shrugged it off.

I guess they are too innocent to comprehend things yet, I thought to myself, also relieved.

The dog then finally stopped following me as it ran towards the kids, probably because of the ball.

I then laughed a little as I finally resume walking.

Oddly enough, I'm not getting tired.

I guess this is one of the perks of being a ghost.

It feels that I've just started walking, when in reality I've been walking for almost an hour, I guess.

After some more walking, I finally started seeing very familiar places.

Familiar places near our dorm.

It was then that I saw someone familiar, waiting by a bus stop.

"Taehyun!" I immediately called.

But of course, he couldn't hear me.

I then ran towards him as I saw him boarding a bus.

I ran just fast enough to manage to enter the bus before it left.

I slowly made my way in as I followed Taehyun.

I still tried not hitting people even though I was well aware that I'd go right through them anyway.

Finally, Taehyun managed to find a spot.

He sat right by the window, to which I sat right beside him.

I wanted to talk to him.

But he wouldn't hear me.

And for some reason, even though we weren't talking, I felt at ease knowing that I'm with someone familiar.

And I know, that he's coming back to our dorm.

To where Beomgyu is.

I then saw him whip his phone out as he texted someone.

"I'm already in a bus, I'm almost home." I read the text before he sent it.

He then started typing another text.

"Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault." 

It was then that I realized, no, that I knew, he was texting Beomgyu.

Beomgyu then immediately responded.

"It is, and you know it Kang Taehyun." Beomgyu replied.

Taehyun then typed once again.

"It isn't. If I think it's your fault, do you think I'd be talking to you, comforting you right now?" The text read.

I then smiled a little as I know this is the way Taehyun comforts people.

He has his unique approach in things.

In giving advices and those kind of things.

Taehyun then shuffled through the plastic bag he's carrying.

I just noticed it, but I think he bought something.

I saw a bottle of grape juice, and some ice cubes.

I then laughed a little as I remember how much he suddenly loves grape juice.

Hueningkai used to be the only one who's addicted to grape juice.

But now, almost all of us are!

We started to learn one by one that it was really good.

No wonder Hueningkai was so addicted to it!

Suddenly, the bus stopped. 

It was then that I saw from afar, our dorm.

Taehyun then fixed his stuff, making sure to not leave anything behind.

He then stood as he walked to leave the bus.

I stood shortly after him, and followed outside.

We walked a little, as the bus stops a little further from our dorm.

And after a few more walking, here we are.

Here I finally am.

Back.

Chapter Text

"I'm finally home." I thought to myself.

For some reason, I didn't know what to feel.

I felt like crying, but I also felt quite happy.

After all, I'm home.

In a few moments, I'll finally see him again.

Even if he won't see me.

I suddenly felt tears starting to form on the corner of my eyes.

It pained me so much thinking how I can finally see Beomgyu, but he can't see me.

It pained me thinking how I will be able to see him, in pain.

Various thoughts ran through my mind, but suddenly I heard the door open.

It was then that I noticed that Taehyun finally opened the door.

I carefully slid myself in as Taehyun was about to close it.

I then wiped the forming tears away as I followed him in.

"Beomgyu?" I heard him called.

To which Beomgyu immediately replied "I'm here" in a soft voice.

I immediately felt my heart sank as I heard his soft, weak voice.

I was so used to hearing his loud and cheery voice.

I honestly don't even remember hearing him, like this.

Taehyun then started walking, to which I immediately followed.

It was then that I realized, that Taehyun was making his way to our room.

Taehyun slowly opened the door as he asked "Are you there?"

I heard as Beomgyu replied yes.

We then entered to find Beomgyu, lying by our bed.

His hand holding his left eye.

I saw as he slowly stood and greet Taehyun.

"Ya, thank you." Beomgyu said weakly.

Taehyun then made his way and sat beside Beomgyu as I stood completely still on my spot.

I saw Taehyun brought out the grape juice and handed it over to Beomgyu.

Beomgyu then smiled and happily took it.

I was then surprised to see Beomgyu's left eye when he let his hold of it go, as he opened the grape juice.

"Wha-" I gasped as I covered my mouth with my hands.

Beomgyu had a black eye, as if something hit him. Or, someone punched him.

I wanted to rush towards him.

I wanted to look at it, to see if it's okay.

But I couldn't.

There's nothing I could do.

I could only stand, and watch.

"Here" Taehyun said as he handed out an ice cube wrapped by his handkerchief.

Beomgyu thanked him once again as he took it and placed it on his eye.

"Where-" I heard Beomgyu tried to ask, but his voice cracked immediately.

"Where's-" He tried once again, but he still couldn't. His voice crackled as he started to cry.

"It's okay, don't force yourself to speak." Taehyun said as he pulled Beomgyu in for a hug.

I can feel my heart breaking as Beomgyu continued to burst out in tears.

I've never seen Beomgyu like this.

I've seen him cry before, but not like this.

"It's my fault!" Beomgyu yelled.

To which Taehyun immediately hushed him.

"How many times do I have to tell you Beomgyu? It isn't."

I wanted to speak, I wanted to tell him that Taehyun was right.

That it wasn't his fault.

"It is! Yeonjun-hyung trusted me! You guys even helped me! And look! I've disappointed all of you!" Beomgyu yelled.

"No! You did not!" I yelled back, as I finally burst out into tears as well.

I didn't know what I've expected, but of course.

They didn't hear me.

"Yeonjun-hyung, he was just surprised. Everything happened so quickly, he didn't mean it." Taehyun said.

"He didn't mean what? What happened?" I then thought to myself.

It was then that I finally started to realize.

That black eye, Yeonjun's initial reaction back at the hospital.

"Oh no" were the only words I could mumble.

I started to feel my heart break even more. 

I didn't think it was possible, to feel this much even when you're already a ghost.

I didn't think that it can still hurt this much.

I can actually feel my left chest in pain as I cried.

"Ahh... why do I have to experience this..." I said as I looked up at the ceiling.

Countless thoughts were running through my mind.

Most of it were why do I have to experience this.

Why do I have to feel this.

Why do I have to get this hurt.

Why do I have to watch the people I love be in pain.

And why can't I do anything.

I tried closing my eyes, hoping that everything would go away once I opened it.

Or better, hoping that everything was just a dream.

That when I wake up, I'm back at my bed.

Being woken up by my alarm once again.

Or maybe, with Beomgyu lying down beside me.

But of course, that isn't the case.

I opened my eyes, and sure enough.

Everything was still the same.

I'm still here.

Beomgyu is still crying.

After what seemed like endless torture for me, Beomgyu finally stopped crying.

He's starting to settle down, to which greatly relieved me.

He slowly drank his grape juice as he continued holding the ice cube by his black eye.

"Would you want some time alone? Or would you like someone to talk to?" Taehyun asked.

Beomgyu immediately replied "I don't know" as he continued drinking.

"Okay, I'll stay then." Taehyun said.

But right after he said that, he suddenly stood.

Leaving both me and Beomgyu surprised.

He then picked something off the floor and returned back to the bed.

"I'm sorry, I noticed this earlier but I didn't have the time to pick it up." Taehyun said as he handed Beomgyu a plushy.

Not just any plushy, his plushy.

Ryan.

"Ahh! Ryan! I'm sorry!" Beomgyu immediately said as he hugged Ryan.

Taehyun smiled fondly as he continued speaking.

"Beomgyu, we've been friends for a very long time now."

"I won't tell you anything long to comfort you, I won't scold you for feeling that way either. The only thing I am going to say, is that I am here." Taehyun said.

I felt Beomgyu tearing up as I too, started tearing up. Deeply moved by Taehyun's words.

It made me really happy and relieved, knowing that at least, Taehyun is here.

"Th-thank you Kang Taehyun." Beomgyu said as his voice continued cracking, trying to not cry.

Taehyun's phone then beeped as someone texted him.

He scrolled through his phone as he read the message.

"It's Yeonjun-hyung." Taehyun said.

"He said they'll be staying at the hospital for the night, he's asking if we're fine here." Taehyun added.

Beomgyu just looked at Ryan, not sure what to respond.

"Beomgyu, Yeonjun-hyung still cares about you." Taehyun said.

"What makes you so sure?" Beomgyu said softly as he looked at Taehyun, teary-eyed.

"Look." He then showed another text which read.

"Taehyun, please take care of Beomgyu while we're gone. If anything happens call me." 

Beomgyu was then really surprised at the text he read.

He then bit his lip as he felt that he'll be bursting out into tears any moment once again.

I felt Beomgyu feel a huge sense of relief.

I felt something heavy coming off of his chest.

"I told you, Yeojun-hyung doesn't hate you." Taehyun then said as he patted Beomgyu's head.

I too, felt huge relief as I let out a deep sigh.

I was happy, I was really glad that at least, Yeonjun-hyung still cares for Beomgyu.

And that he didn't meant to hit Beomgyu.

I felt that with that, Beomgyu would finally stop blaming himself.

Or at least, even by a little.

I then saw Taehyun stood as he took his handkerchief as it became heavy from being wet.

"Wait here, I'll go get you a new one." Taehyun said as he prepared to get a towel.

Beomgyu responded with a soft smile.

"Ahh, wait. Have you eaten?" Taehyun then turned back as he asked.

"Ahh..." Beomgyu mumbled.

"I'm pretty sure that's a no hahahaha, wait here." Taehyun said as he went out to get food as well.

Beomgyu smiled at Taehyun, then he threw his body back into the bed as he held his eye.

I wanted to come towards him, to help him.

I wanted to hold the ice cube for him, so he wouldn't get exhausted.

I wanted his pain to go away.

I wanted him to feel better.

I don't know what went inside my mind, but I slowly made my way towards him.

I sat down by the bed as I looked at him.

I looked at his face.

Still the face I remember.

The face of the person I love.

I then lied down beside him as we both faced the ceiling.

I closed my eyes for about a minute as I grew exhausted.

Not physically, but I don't know, emotionally?

I turned around to face him, to look at his face.

But just then,

I found him facing me as well.

Wide-eyed as he stared right through my eyes.

"Soobin-hyung?"

Chapter Text

"Beomgyu?" I mumbled softly at the shock of hearing him mumble my name.

"Ahh, I must be seeing things." Beomgyu suddenly said as he squinted his eyes.

"No! Beomgyu! It's me!" I frantically yelled.

I watched hopelessly as he turned his back on me.

"Beomgyu! It's me!" I frantically yelled once more, trying to tap him.

But of course, my hand went right through him.

"Soobin-hyung, please come home." I then heard as Beomgyu suddenly started talking.

"I'm here! Please look at me! Can't you see me?!" I yelled once more, hoping that maybe, if I screamed louder he'll hear.

I then felt hope as I saw Beomgyu slowly turning back around towards me.

A huge smile formed on my face as I saw him stare right back at me.

"Ahh, you're gone." 

The smile on my face slowly vanished upon hearing those words.

Beomgyu gave out a nervous chuckle as he suddenly spoke.

"I think I'm going crazy." 

"No you're not...I'm here..." I softly said.

"Ahh, there it is again." Beomgyu suddenly answered.

I was filled with confusion upon hearing his words once again.

He then slowly waved his hands in front of me.

"Ahh, I guess Yeonjun-hyung punched me harder than I thought." Beomgyu said as he laughed nervously once again..

"Beomgyu?" I softly asked.

"Ahh! I really am going crazy!" Beomgyu exclaimed as I saw his eyes widened.

"Wait, you can see me? You can hear me? Beomgyu?" I asked as I slowly came towards him.

I saw as Beomgyu slowly covered his eyes.

"I'm going crazy. I'm going crazy. I'm going crazy." He repeated as he occasionally peeked.

I lightly chuckled on how adorable his reaction was.

But then again, if I was on his position, I'd probably react the same.

I might even run away.

I felt as I slowly feel my heart feeling a huge sense of ease and comfort.

I'm still a ghost, but I don't know why, I feel relieved for some reason.

"Boo!" I suddenly exclaimed.

"AHHHH" Beomgyu shouted as he threw his hands up.

"Hahahahaha! So cute!" I said as I laughed.

Beomyu then looked at me with confusion.

Suddenly he raised his eyebrows.

"Ya! I know I'm probably just seeing things because Yeonjun-hyung punched me hard. But stop scaring me! You figment of imagination!" Beomgyu said.

I then laughed at the hilariousness of his words and thinking.

"Beomgyu, it's me." I softly said after laughing.

"You're not Soobin-hyung. You're just the embodiment of how much I miss Soobin-hyung." Beomgyu replied.

"Huh? What even is that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"Because I miss Soobin-hyung so much, I created you on my mind." Beomgyu proudly answered.

I then laughed once again on how funny Beomgyu's thinking is.

Well, I guess it kinda makes sense though.

Besides, what he's saying is a more logical explanation than seeing a ghost.

"Ya, fake Soobin." Beomgyu suddenly called.

"Hmm?" I replied.

Beomgyu suddenly crawled towards me and inspected me.

"Woah, you really look like Soobin-hyung." Beomgyu said as he looked at me.

"Beomgyu, what do you see? What do I look like?" I asked.

"Cute." Beomgyu swiftly replied.

"Not like that!" I exclaimed as I suddenly became flustered, which I followed with trying to hit him lightly by instinct.

But of course, it missed him.

"Ahhh, you even react just like the real Soobin-hyung." Beomgyu said, amazed.

"Aigoo, whatever. Anyway, what do I look like?" I asked once again.

"I already told you Fakebin, cute." Beomgyu replied.

"I already told you, not like that. Pabogyu."

"I mean what do you see? How do I look like? Do I look like a ghost?" I asked once again.

Beomgyu then placed his thumb on his chin as he looked at me.

"Well Fakebin, you're starting to look normal. Unlike before." Beomgyu then answered.

"Unlike before?" I asked, curious.

"Ahhh how do I explain it." Beomgyu said as he placed one of his fingers on his forehead, pretending to think.

"Ahh!" Beomgyu then exclaimed as he seemed to realize something

"You looked like a ghost." He casually said.

"Aishh." I groaned, disappointed but not surprised.

"Why did I even fall in love with you?" I added.

Suddenly, Beomgyu gave out a cute laugh.

I then laughed with him shortly.

It felt really good.

I felt really happy.

Before I knew it, I started shedding tears.

"Ohh? Why are you crying Fakebin?" Beomgyu asked as he crawled closer to me.

"I'm not crying Pabogyu." I replied as I wiped my tears.

"I'm happy." I said after wiping my tears.

"Ohh? Happy of what? Seeing this cute and handsome and awesome Beomgyu again?" Beomgyu said with confidence.

I then laughed, as surprisingly, he's right.

"Pabo." Was the only word I managed to mutter.

I was happy, really happy.

More importantly, relieved.

Relieved to see Beomgyu like this.

Happy.

Smiling and laughing.

Acting like his usual self.

Suddenly, I heard as someone opened the door.

It was Taehyun.

"Ohh? Ya Kang Taehyun!" Beomgyu cheerily called as he saw Taehyun.

Taehyun then looked at him, surprised.

"What happened? You look happy." Taehyun said as he placed the food he brought down.

I waved my hand, trying to see if Taehyun sees me.

But he didn't react. 

"Ahh, so I guess only Beomgyu can see me?" I silently told myself.

"Ahh nothing much, I think I'm just going a little crazy because of Yeonjun-hyung's punch." I then heard as Beomgyu replied to Taehyun.

"Hmm? Why? What happened?" Taehyun then asked.

"Ahh, I'm starting to see Soobin-hyung." Beomgyu replied as he laughed.

Taehyun then looked at Beomgyu, confused and surprised.

"So, like a ghost of Soobin-hyung?" Taehyun then asked.

Beomgyu simply nodded.

"I think we should bring you to the hospital as well." Taehyun then replied casually.

"I think so too." Beomgyu replied casually as well.

I laughed at the hilariousness of the two.

They're really funny.

I'm really happy to see them like this.

Today was the first time I've seen them interact when it's just the two of them.

I've always known Taehyun and Beomgyu were really close, I guess like best friends?

And I'm glad that I was right.

I felt at ease, knowing that even if I'm gone, Taehyun will take good care of Beomgyu.

That even if I'm gone, Beomgyu will always have a Taehyun who knows how to make him feel better.

"Ahhh" I sighed as I looked at the ceiling.

I wondered.

What will happen next?

Will I continue existing like this?

Will I continue existing like this until I finally died?

Will I stay like a ghost? Or will I disappear?

Ahh, I don't know.

I really don't know.

I might disappear, I might stay like this, but I'm fine either way.

As long as my members are okay.

As long as they still have each other.

Who knows, maybe this might even bring them closer.

Maybe, this is for the best.

I'm aware that there are plenty of things I lacked as a leader.

Maybe this is the universe's way of correcting things?

Ahh, universe. You could've just made me step down or something.

You didn't have to kill me.

I said as I sighed.

But just then, I heard my members words.

I heard Hueningkai's "Soobin-hyung, Thank you for taking care of me! You're awesome!"

I heard Taehyun's "Soobin-hyung, if you think you are not the best leader, then let me tell you this. You are the best leader."

I heard Yeonjun's "Ya, don't pressure yourself. You're doing good."

I heard Beomgyu's "Ya Fakebin, stop that."

Huh what?

I then turned around to find Beomgyu looking at me with his eyebrow raised.

"What? What's your problem?" I then asked Beomgyu as I chuckled a little bit. Thinking how I was having a moment, which he suddenly interrupted.

"You suddenly started staring at the ceiling blankly. It's weird." Beomgyu replied.

"Aigoo, this brat." I said I laughed.

"I swear if I live, the first thing I'll do when I see you is flick you on the forehead." I added.

I then looked to notice that Taehyun is gone.

"Where's Taehyun?" I asked.

"Ahh, he left to get more food." Beomgyu said as he showed me a plate of cake that he's eating.

"Want some?" Beomgyu then offered me.

"Aigoo, you're not even calling me hyung now." I said as I noticed how informal he's getting as time goes.

"Well, you're Fakebin." Beomgyu replied as he continued eating.

"So if I'm Realbin, you'll talk differently?" I asked.

"Of course, I love Realbin." Beomgyu replied as he chewed.

I laughed, finding it really funny how Beomgyu still insists that I'm "Fakebin"

He's so stubborn, the cute kind of stubborn.

I guess he still thinks I'm just a figment of his imagination.

But that's okay, I'm just glad that he's comfortable enough to act this wacky.

But I'll still flick his forehead if I ever get back hahahaha

Suddenly, I felt stabbing pain on my chest as I held it.

"Ohh? Fakebin? What's wrong? Hey!"

I wake up to find myself, alone.

In nothingness.

Literal nothingness.

"Where am I? Hello?" I asked as I walked around.

There was nothing, everything around me was just, black.

It was as if I was trapped inside a room, painted black.

I kept on walking and walking, but I don't seem to be moving.

Or maybe I was, I don't know.

Everything looked the same.

Just black.

Suddenly, I covered my eyes as I saw something bright.

"What is that? Ohh! Is this heaven?" I exclaimed as I remembered those movies I've watched.

When people die, it's always portrayed that when you suddenly see light, it's heaven.

I then started to feel sad, as I realize, that if I'm here.

Then I'm gone.

Suddenly, I heard an unfamiliar voice.

"This isn't heaven." The voice said.

"Ahh! Oh no! Then am I in hell?!" I said, in a panic as I try to recall if I've done anything horrible.

The voice then laughed as it spoke.

"No Soobin, you're not in hell either. You're a good person."

I then let out a sigh of relief.

"Am I...dead?" I asked.

The voice took a a while to answer, but it finally replied.

"Not yet."

"Uhm, where am I? Where is this place?" I asked once again as I looked around.

"You can consider this place, something in the middle of living, and passing." The voice said.

I grew even confused as plenty of other questions filled my head.

What does that mean?

In the middle of living and passing?

So am I still alive?

Or am I stuck here?

Suddenly, the voice spoke, as if it heard my inner thoughts.

"This is the place, where you will find out. If you will continue living, or if you will be passing."

I didn't know what to say, or what to ask. I didn't know what to do or how to react either.

I don't know why, but I suddenly felt as if I was getting crushed by pressure.

"Don't worry Choi Soobin." The voice then said.

I was then surprised, as right after the voice spoke, I felt better for some reason.

I felt light.

"You will be given a question." The voice said as I saw a glowing orb float towards me.

"A question?" I asked.

"You will be living, or passing, depending on your answer." The voice explained.

I then gulped as I tried thinking of what possible questions could the voice ask.

"Are you ready?" The voice then asked.

For some reason, even though I wasn't, I said yes.

"Do you want to live?" The voice suddenly asked.

I then paused as I looked at the light, confused.

Wondering, is that all?

Is that the question?

Do I answer with just a yes or a no?

Or is this some trick question?

"Choi Soobin, Do you want to live?" The voice then asked once again.

"That is the question?" I asked, still confused.

"Yes." The voice swiftly replied.

"So, if I say yes, I want to live. Then you will send me back?" I asked.

"Yes." The voice swiftly replied once again.

"If this really is it, then it's easy." I thought to myself.

I was about to say yes when suddenly, various memories appeared on my mind.

I saw the time when I first found a hate comment on our debut Music Video, Crown.

I saw myself, crying as I read it. Trying to scroll past it to avoid it.

I then saw, when while I was doing a Vlive.

Someone commented, saying I'm ugly. And that I should just die.

I saw as I tried smiling, for our MOAs. Pretending that I've seen nothing.

I saw myself, in a room.

Breaking down as I feel the pressure.

Of being a leader, of feeling like disappointment.

Of everything.

I saw myself, crying myself to sleep.

Thinking I'm not enough.

I'm not good enough.

Suddenly, I heard the voice ask me once again.

"Choi Soobin, do you want to live?"

I then realized, that it was hard to answer.

It wasn't as easy as I thought.

I realized, that if I passed on, things will be easier.

If I passed on, I wouldn't feel any more pain.

Nor will I see my friends in pain.

I won't see Beomgyu sad, or in pain.

Suddenly, I thought to myself.

"I won't see Beomgyu sad, or in pain."

Then it hit me, that if I passed on, I won't see Beomgyu. Anymore.

I won't see any of them.

Suddenly, I remembered.

I remembered our song, Our Summer.

"If we are together, no matter where we are, still feel like summer."

I remembered all those times when we were having fun, playing together

As well as all those difficult times, times when we were crying, together.

I then felt a strong sense of determination as I finally come to an answer.

I mustered my courage into words, as I yelled.

"Yes! I want to live!" 

"Soobin-hyung!"

"Soobinie! We're here!"

I slowly opened my eyes, hearing voices.

"He's waking up!"

I finally opened my eyes, and see.

It was Hueningkai and Yeonjun-hyung.

I slowly sat back up, which they immediately stopped.

"Don't sit yet! Wait!" Yeonjun-hyung said as he gestured me to lie down.

"Wah! I can't believe this! Soobin-hyung!" Hueningkai exclaimed as tears started running down his cheeks.

"Ya! I can't believe you!" Yeonjun-hyung then followed as he lightly punched my shoulder.

I could only chuckle, still not sure what to say.

I then looked around the room.

And sure enough, I was in the same hospital room I first woke up to.

"Where's Beomgyu? And Taehyun?" I softly asked.

"They're on their way Soobin-hyung!" Hueningkai immediately answered as he came in for a hug.

"Aigoo." I said as I hugged Hueningkai, still crying.

"Ahh, seriously this guy. How dare you worry us like that." Yeonjun hyung said before hugging me as well.

"Ahh, I'm sorry." I shyly said as I remembered, this all happened because I choked.

Of bread.

The two continued crying as they talked.

Telling me how they've been with me ever since.

That they almost lived in the hospital.

They also told me how much they've missed me.

How much MOAs missed me.

I smiled as I listened to them.

If felt like they had hundreds of stories to tell.

Suddenly, I heard the door open.

And finally, they came.

Beomgyu stood by the door, as Taehyun walked in.

Beomgyu stood still as he looked at me.

I then saw as he started crying, which he tried holding in.

"Soobin-hyung." Taehyun said as he walked towards me.

Also holding in the tears.

"Aigoo, come here." I said as I hugged Taehyun as well.

I then looked at Beomgyu.

Still standing there, crying.

"Why? Are you just going to stand there? Can't you see me?" I said as I teased him.

"Soobin-hyung!" He yelled as he immediately ran towards me.

He hugged me, really tight.

I felt my shoulder starting to get wet from his tears.

"Soobin-hyung!" Were the only words I could hear as he cried.

"It's okay. I'm here." I said as I rubbed his back.

He continued crying for minutes, which felt like hours.

But this tears, felt different.

They were the tears that weren't out of sadness.

They were of happiness.

Finally, Beomgyu stopped crying.

"You won't believe what happened today Soobin-hyung!" Beomgyu excitedly said as he wiped his tears.

I just smiled, as I flicked his forehead.

"Pabogyu."

END