Work Text:
I want you to know one thing.
Mingyu. A nice name isn't? I remember when I first met you, it was winter, probably the first week of december. There were no parties, it was just us, alone and accompanied by the moon. I was sitting on the bench, admiring what was in front of me. You sat beside me and told me that the city looks nice at night. Of course I didn't respond, I was surprised a stranger came up to me and told me that. I was scared and you felt it.
"I'm sorry, did I scare you? I didn't mean to. I'm not a bad person, promise." You told me, almost pleading. That time, I responded kind of convinced that you're a good person.
"Well, you shouldn't go and suddenly do that to strangers. What if someone hits you?"
And you laughed, it was comforting. It was a wonder to me, how can someone sound so happy at this gloomy atmosphere?
"Honestly, I thought you were going to hit me. Plus I don't do this to random strangers." You told me and looked at me, I saw your eyes twinkled and from that moment on, I was drawn to you. A sudden unknown feeling, maybe it was a sign.
And I remember from that night, if seasons were to be personified, you told me I would be winter. Because it seemed like no one can bring summer to me.
But the thing is, you brought summer to my heart.
Everything carries me to you, as if everything that exists, aromas, light, metals, were little boats that sail toward those isles of yours that wait for me.
It's funny to think that you like the idea of soulmates. Whatever I do to cut off the idea, you would always tell me, "Wonwoo, it's not that ridiculous!" And I would laugh it off. To be honest, I loved listening to your sudden blabber about soulmates and you telling me that there are possibilities that I probably met mine and you probably met yours.
"How would you know if someone's your soulmate?" I ask you.
"They say, when you meet your soulmate. You can easily tell it at the first time, maybe a certain understanding that you two are soulmates. You know, those comfort in their eyes, probably those stupid descriptions when you're inlove with someone. I don't know really, but the understanding is there." You ranted, frustrated with my question. Then you look at me,
"Did you understand?"
I nodded, giving you a smile. Maybe, you made me believe. This whole thing, you talking about who could be your soulmate.
While I was thinking you were my soulmate. Everything leads me back to you. And maybe on the first time we met, I already knew.
If little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.
Fate wasn't kind enough on our side. Maybe, we're not meant to be.
Almost lovers. Or maybe not almost, because I didn't even get to tell you how much I love you.
Our late night strolls became something we do every other night. Just to feel the comfort the moon brings us. One night, you were late which was unusual since this Mingyu, is an early bird type of guy. That night, I texted you, I wanted to tell you something. Something I've been hiding for sometime. Holding on to this tiny hope I had, you texted back that you wanted to tell me something too.
You ran to me, smiling. Saying sorry that you were late and I assured you that it was fine.
"I have to tell you something." You told me, I saw the excitement in your eyes. They were gleaming, maybe twinkling like the stars. I loved that, but I had a bad feeling.
"Me too, I want to tell you something. But you go first."
"I'm dating someone! His name is Jeonghan. He's so wonderful. I want you to meet him! Next stroll, I'll introduce you to him."
The twinkle in your eyes, the tone of excitement. Damn, I lost.
"Jeonghan. That's a beautiful name. I'm happy for you, Mingyu. I hope he's your soulmate. I'd love to meet him." I tell you, laughing, in a way I could hide the pain.
"Your turn! Are you dating someone too?" I shook my head.
"None of it matters. Plus, it was just about school, not as interesting as what you told me. Let's just forget about that okay?"
"If you say so." You said, and gave me a smile. The happiest one I've seen in a while.
How can I forget? One drunk Mingyu, confessing his love to a man named Wonwoo. A sudden "Wonwoo, I love you." And saying his Wonwoo will never know, because he doesn't stand a chance so in his own way, he'll forget, he'll move on.
Silly Mingyu, how can you make me believe that you were made to be mine?
Maybe, this is how the universe wants us to be.
And you decide to leave me at the shore, of the heart where I have roots, remember that on that day,
at that hour, I shall lift my arms and my roots will set off to seek another land.
Forgetting how I felt about you was the hardest thing I could ever do.
Mingyu. I longed for that, the warm feeling you give. A smile that can light up the whole world, the look in your eyes silently telling me I'm safe.
A painful uncertainty, a flower that was not given a chance to bloom.
A love that was meant to be forgotten.
It was hard avoiding you, Mingyu. You were everywhere, how could I forget? Gladly and unfortunately, our late night park strolls are still a thing. Sometimes you would bring Jeonghan along, and that made me long for you more.
A rain of what if's and what could have been's. It was a painful experience.
Even after a few months it was still hurting me. Maybe, that's how this will end. I was wrong, we're not what you call soulmates.
And that you were made for someone else, for a second I thought, we were puzzle pieces that complete each other. Sucks that this love didn't stand a chance, well, it did but we didn't give the chance it deserved.
Oh, the pain of love uncertainties.
If each day, each hour, you feel that you are destined for me
I thought I was going to be free from the pain that one spring night gave me. Now we're back at this place again, talking about a sudden confession a certain someone made.
Wonwoo, how can you be so stupid?
When did being in love became a stupid thing?
Well, being in love with Kim Mingyu was certainly stupid but, the ghost of you, the ghost of Mingyu haunts me too much.
Those hugs, the warmth that your hands give me. Your laughs I've been longing to hear, the smile that makes my heart do somersaults.
How do I avoid the ghost of you?
"Wonwoo, you know I love Jeonghan right?" You said. I nodded, of course I knew that, it was an obvious fact. The most painful truth I had to accept.
"I was drunk, Mingyu. I'm sorry." Those are the only words I can tell you. It was the truth, this Wonwoo loves Mingyu.
"Wonwoo, you know you mean the world to me right? I'm sorry I can't reciprocate your feelings. I do love you but not in that way. Well to be honest, at some point I did, I loved you, now that won't happen."
Sometimes, I wish we never got in to this position.
With that, I couldn't respond, all I could do was to nod at your statement.
I accept.
But there's still a string of hope left.
In me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten, my love feeds on your love, beloved, and as long as you live it will be in your arms without leaving mine.
It's winter again. Our late night strolls never happened again after that talk.
It was hard not seeing you Mingyu. I missed your rants about how people are stupid and don't know how to control themselves, how you broke something and you keep on bumping at things on accident. The smile that you always give me when you see the moon, and how happy you are that we're seeing it together.
I missed that. I miss you, so much.
I hope I had the power to turn back time, to the time you were there. Those nights where you hug me when I'm sad. The times you bought ice cream just to make us feel better when we both feel sad. The songs that we listened to everytime we sat down on the benches. The jokes that we shared, and the stories you told me.
You already left me, but the ghost of you is still here.
The warmth you brought to my heart, has now gone cold.
Unforgettable, that's what you are. And I hope you think of me that way too.
In every memory you had with me, I hope you remember with no pain or regret.
Mingyu. I wanted to tell you, I love you.
But it's too late, isn't it?
"The city looks nice at night, don't you think?"
The ghost of you, keeps on haunting me. Will you scare it away for me?
"Wonwoo, I love you."
A dream that will never come true, a ghost I can't get rid of.
Kim Mingyu. The summer to my winter, I love you.
Always and for as long as I live.
If suddenly you forget me do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.