Chapter Text
Jax leans back on his bedroom door, dreading the late-night solitude. He closes his eyes and runs through a mental list of people he could call, but he already knows. There's really only one person he wants to talk to right now.
Jiny would probably come over if Jax asked... or agree to talk on the phone at the very least. He looks down to check the time.
3:17 AM
Nope. It's way too late. With their comeback performances starting up tomorrow, he really shouldn't be disturbing Jiny's sleep. If Jax's dreams are going to be of the red variety tonight, it's probably best to keep the infuriatingly beautiful man at a distance anyway.
Jax thinks back on their last-minute rehearsal when he'd accidentally locked eyes with Jiny in the mirror. It was a glance lasting no more than a couple seconds, but it had been enough. He runs an unsteady hand through his hair now, overwhelmed by a sudden shock of crimson. Jax shuffles to his bed in the dark and sets his phone on the nightstand to charge. As he climbs into bed and snuggles under the covers, his heart begins to race in pulsing shades of bright cherry. He desperately tries to nudge into a bluer feeling, but it's only a beat of disappointing maroon before the heated red comes whooshing back.
For Jax, any variety of red is a complex feeling. It can be passionate or horrifying, seductive or messy, but no matter which way it goes, red is unfailingly intense. With all the red that's been plaguing him tonight, Jax is sure if he goes to sleep now, his dreams will be so lucid that it'll feel like he didn't sleep at all come morning. Then he reminds himself that feeling like he didn't sleep is much better than actual sleep-deprivation. But either way it's just plain exhausting. He sighs. There's just no winning.
On nights when Jax is physically exhausted enough, he'll lose all lucidity and dream white. This is something he figured out during their trainee days, a time when Jax and his fellow group members were living in varying states of physical exhaustion 24/7. To Jax, being body-tired feels like all the colors are blending to cancel each other out. The overall effect is a lack of color and it's the next best thing to sleeping like a normal person. It's the precise reason why he lives the way he does, splitting his time between his schedules in China and Korea to stay busy and more or less sleep functional year-round. This was the best fix for a long time until a pattern emerged over the years. Jax likes to fixate on the group's comebacks as his lucid red trigger, but lately it's been more than just that. Deep down he knows his real trigger... is Jiny.
Whenever comeback season rolls back around, Jax can expect an unstoppable storm of red in all shades, hues, and tints because that's when he gets to see Jiny the most. They eat, practice, exercise, perform, hang out, and even run errands together and Jiny has never failed to bring out the red. Jax has been burying this truth deep down for years now because he's not sure whether the red is something awful like hate, or maybe it's something amazing worse like... love? Whatever the case, the one certain truth is that Jiny makes Jax feel oh so very... red.
Jax can already tell he's not tired enough for a dreamless white tonight. The memory of Jiny's gaze is still too cherry. Sleep tugs at the edges of his consciousness and he reminds himself to think blue thoughts. He pulls the covers up to his chin and pats the pillows into a more comfortable position. At this point in their career, he will do whatever it takes to avoid getting caught eye-fucking Jiny on live TV again. If an immense amount of self-restraint is what it takes to keep the red at bay, then maybe letting go in his dreams will help him find some relief in real life?
Isn’t that a little pervy though? Jax thinks as he considers the moral dilemma. I just need to talk to him. Tell him how I feel. That's all. If there's even a chance that a dream confession could relieve his real-life anguish, then why not give it a try? In a dream, he would have nothing to lose. And if it does help, then fuck it. Jax will just have to dream lucid red conversations with Jiny every night. At least until this comeback is over because passing out on stage from lack of sleep has never been an option.
As sleep descends around him, Jax thinks he hears the quiet ding of a text. He cracks his eyelids open a fraction to see that his phone's screen is indeed lit, confirming his suspicions. He wonders sleepily who it could be, but he's already too comfortable and close to sleep. The screen times out before he can make himself move and his room returns to complete darkness. Jax drifts off and the text is left unread.
Jiny: Sleep well Jaxy.. see you soon
Sent 3:28 AM