Work Text:
“I’m uploading the file now, sir.”
“To be absolutely clear, Anthea -it is ‘Anthea’ today, yes? - what you are uploading is a projection of the movement of Manchester’s sewage in the next two quarters of 2020, and not a report on the postal activity of ex-cons in Bristol from 2011?”
“Yes, sir. Definitely not the Bristol report.”
“And not a report involving the Royal Mail in any way?”
“No, sir. I mean, yes, no Royal Mail.”
“Or ex-cons?”
“No ex-cons. Neither is it the figures for musical performances last season, a graph showing the price of eels per pound since 1863, nor the number of paper clips used in this office since Easter. I’m sorry, sir. I’m not normally this unfocused.”
“I know. Send me the file now.”
“Yes, sir. And I’m sending it to you, sir, not your brother. Or the Prime Minister.”
“I do wonder what he made of those paper clip figures. Ah, thank you, I have it now.”
Mrrrrrow.
“Oh, shit. That’s a video of my cat, sir.”
“So it would seem. You have accumulated three months’ worth of vacation time, correct?”
“Yes, sir, but--”
“This is not a reprimand. I suggest using some of that time. I cannot afford to lose you to burnout during the current crisis.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“After you’ve sent me the Manchester sewage projections, if you please.”
“I’m just double checking the file name, sir, and your email address, and I’m sending it...oh, shit. That’s another cat video, sir. He’s washing his ears in this one.”