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Dear Yuuta-kun,
It’s really hard writing something like this and I don’t know where to start. But I guess a proper greeting is in order. For one, Merry Christmas! You’ll probably open this tomorrow so it should be Christmas Day.
I got
Santa is gonna leave you a real nice present, so make sure you check for it okay? I personally made sure Santa got your letter, so I know for a fact you’re gonna get
those headphones you really liked
whatever it is you wrote down!
Ah, there’s a lot of things I wanna say to you,
Like how proud I am that you got a good grade on your math test yesterday.
That your acrobatics have been improving really well and soon you can be performing all on your own.
When I said I did my homework I actually stole a copy from one of our classmates so you wouldn’t get mad.
Or how… haha I can feel you rolling your eyes and telling me to cut to the chase. Okay okay.
Actually, before that I wanna talk about some other stuff. Is that okay? You’ve been getting mad at me a lot lately, so I’ll accept your anger again and I’m gonna say everything I want to
cause it’s the last time I’ll get to do so.
I know it’s my fault you’re upset. I wish I could be doing more to make things easier on you.
Everything I do, it’s so you can be happy, y’know? I take on a lot of burdens so that the only thing weighing down on you will be normal kid stuff. I want you to do good at school, I want you to make lots and lots of friends. I wish you
would just leave me
branch out more- bugs scare you but people won’t hiss and sting at you like the creepy crawlies will. You’re a real good kid and all these suckers are lame to not be jumping at the chance to hang out with someone as cool as you.
“But it’s Aniki’s fault they pick on me,” I can hear your voice scolding me so clearly, but maybe it’s cause I’m saying the words out loud to myself too. Listen, I didn’t mean to- okay, I did mean to, but I didn’t think it would end up like that! It wasn’t even a real spider, just a little toy. That scream you made was just like the sound of someone getting stabbed in a horror movie and everyone could hear it. It was just supposed to be a little prank to make you smile since you were feeling down, but now some of the meaner kids call you names. You know some of them try to leave fake bugs in your bag and on your desk? I get rid of them before you see them, but…
Well, I guess that was just an example of me mucking everything up, huh? I’m sorry that out of all the big brothers you got assigned, it’s me that you’re tied to. I got the hang of taking care of the adult stuff around the house, but my heart is so much different now I can’t ever seem to make you smile like I used to.
I try not to let you see it, and sometimes I know you do and I wish you’d look away, and it’s something I have to do so we don’t ever end up so bad again. Watching our classmates throw away leftover food from lunch always makes my skin crawl. I wish I was closer with them so I could ask to have it and joke about my big appetite. I’ve seen you eyeing Akane-san’s curry lunches lately.
So I’ll try to get s
Hey, Yuuta-kun?
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry I have to
Sorry, but I’m gonna ramble for a few more paragraphs okay~?
It’s just because you’re my great and wonderful younger brother I have so much to say about you! And it’s really important that I can get everything out there! This
should
will be a happy letter that you can cherish forever and ever.
You can do amazing things on your own. Just because you’re a bit of a scaredy cat doesn’t mean you aren’t brave. I think mom showed us a movie when we were kids about courage and bravery, and how the bravest thing you can do is keep moving forward, but honestly I don’t remember much about it. I was too busy making sure you wouldn’t choke on your tears. It never gets less painful to see you cry.
When you cry, it’s like I can feel the same pain echoing in my heart.
I don’t remember the last time I cried.
It is because you have to cry all the tears meant for me?
Well, I think I’m okay with you having to carry a small burden like that. I’ve kept you safe from a lot of things, so I’m happy that your only problem is some overactive tear ducts. You have such a big heart, big enough to make up for both of us.
I shouldn’t put this off anymore. I’m sorry for dragging this on so long in the first place. This is um… My gift to you for Christmas.
I’m leaving
.
I’m not coming home. This is goodbye. I’m sorry. I love you.
I’m gonna go away.
I’ve caused lots of problems for you.
And I think you would be happier if there weren’t two of us anymore.
People won’t think you’re some weird, creepy twin kid anymore. People won’t group us together. You can be Yuuta-kun and only Yuuta-kun. No one will confuse you as someone else
you hate
ever again.
Don’t worry about me. I’m strong and responsible and I’m gonna be just fine.
Yuuta-kun deserves this easy, happy life. One that’ll be much better without me.
I am a bit selfish though, so I’m sorry if it makes a pain go through your heart, but I made a really big cake this year! It’s my farewell gift and I think it’d be a good idea to share it with
our
your classmates so you can get a head start on making some new friends! I put a lot of detail into it and I know sweets aren’t your favorite so I tried to dilute it down so it wouldn’t make you gag.
I wanna leave at a good time and I put off writing this letter cause it makes me really sad, but I have to end it here before it gets too dark. You’ll probably go to bed without checking to see if I’m asleep, so that’s why I’m pretty sure you won’t see this until tomorrow. I’m going to have a big head start, so don’t come looking for me okay?
It’ll be scary at first, but you’re brave.
And in the end, this is so you can be happy.
So
I love you.
Yuuta-kun, I love you so much. I’m sorry I couldn’t be a better big brother, and I hope this makes it right.
I love you.
I have so much else I want to say. But I need to
There’s extra money in our piggy bank so please use that.
I don’t want to go
Okay um. This is it.
Bye.
Sincerely,
Onii-chan