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Scylla huddled against the base of the tree, knees pulled up to her chest and arms wrapped around her shins.
The thick bark roughly bit at her back, but she didn’t care.
She couldn’t even really feel it.
Angry tears pricked her eyes as the roar of stomping feet filled the air.
She should go...somewhere. Anywhere. Far away from here. Back to the Spree safe house. Back to the coffee shop. To the beach. To the farthest reaches of space.
She should go back down the path. Let her feet retrace her steps to the hidden spot near the field. Listen and watch as people who never really knew Raelle spoke about her. As they stood by that damn empty coffin and robotically spouted off about how she was a good cadet. A good soldier. How she...she gave her life in service. Did what she was supposed to do. Meant to do.
It was such bullshit.
So fucking stupid.
She wiped harshly at her cheeks, trying desperately to stem the flow of tears.
This shouldn’t be happening. This wasn’t right.
Raelle wasn’t supposed to deploy.
They were supposed to be free.
They never went to the beach.
And now...what? An empty casket? No medal? Anacostia spoke like she was still alive. Like there was a chance. Hope. That didn’t...it couldn’t...Raelle didn’t come back. If she was ok, why wasn’t she back? Was this some perverse form of torture Quartermaine or Alder had devised? Was Scylla still locked up in that dungeon, and this was all a dream? A nightmare?
She didn’t even get to say goodbye.
She didn’t...she didn’t even know Raelle was leaving. Deploying. No, Scylla just left base. Didn’t stop Raelle from going. Didn’t hug her close or kiss her lips or even tell her that she loved her one last time.
And now, Raelle was gone, and the military didn’t care. Just one less soldier to send to the front lines. They’d quickly fill the spot with some other poor soul. Another person to become war meat.
The civilians didn’t care. What was one witch when it meant they could go on enjoying their lives, not a care in the world because other people were forced to protect them. Die for them.
No one protected Raelle.
Squeezing her eyes closed, Scylla let her head fall back. The tree trunk seemed to wrap it’s invisible arms around her. A comfort in familiarity. Familiar from so many days and nights spent under its watchful gaze. A choked sob burst from her lips as unwanted images played in her head.
Two girls tying a rope to their ankles.
A tin of salva - government issue.
Raelle looked so beautiful as she floated. Ethereal. The wonder and joy on her face put a tiny crack in an already fragile Scylla’s emotional armor, though the necro never knew it at the time.
Another image, another time. Cuddled beneath the sweeping branches, Raelle’s head in her lap as the younger woman stared up at her with shining eyes. Tired from training but tasting of mint and home as Scylla drew her into a kiss.
Her eyes cracked open.
Over there, a few yards away, Raelle had given her a gift. The sweetest gift.
And she lost it. She lost the charm Raelle had made to protect her.
Fucking combat charms. What use were they?
She reached into her pocket, fingertips skipping across the bird’s foot tucked safely inside.
Another round of foot stomping.
Her breath shuddered.
Fuck this.
She quickly pushed to her feet, wobbling slightly as the sudden change rushed to her head. Shaking it clear, she marched away from the tree, out into the stormy day. She was done. There was nothing here for her. Not anymore. If there ever was.
This place had taken away the one person she ever truly loved.
This place took away everything. Her future. Raelle’s future.
The military did this.
Took away everyone she ever held dear.
But, her feet didn’t take her to the gates.
Didn’t take her to the bus stop where the greyhound would pick her up for the journey back to the house.
The house where Willa Collar hadn’t fully processed that the daughter she destroyed, hurt so much that Raelle could barely speak of it, was gone. That her plans ended with the girl still dying.
No, she didn’t go to the gates.
In a blink she was back at the field.
And Anacostia was standing at the podium, taking the place where a regal Bellweather had spoken about a heroic cousin seconds before.
Scylla’s lips trembled as the officer stood tall, face impassive.
She didn’t want to hear this.
She couldn’t move away.
“Private Collar was...a problem.” Anacostia began.
Scylla’s face broke.
“She was reckless. Insubordinate. Brash.” Anacostia continued. She paused, silently inhaling. She shifted, just a tiny bit, and if one looked closely, they could see her hands shake. “Private Raelle Collar was one of the best cadets I’ve ever had the pleasure to train since I became an officer.”
There was a murmur through the crowd.
Scylla felt her heart seize.
“She was more powerful than she knew. Than she believed. Her abilities made her stand out. She did what was right, no matter the consequences. Loyal to a fault. She protected those who needed it, whether they asked for it or not. Whether they thanked her for it or not. She met every challenge head on. Never faltered.”
She goes where I go. Scylla’s my girlfriend.
Anacostia scanned the assembled crowd, “She was a fixer. A healer. She was brave, taking on other’s pain without a care for her own well being. She put herself in danger, even when the consequences were dire.”
Scylla turned around the corner of the building, confused as to why a group of cadets were racing down the path. She looked over, and her heart stopped.
Porter was on the ground, unmoving.
Raelle laid at his side.
As if sensing the younger woman, the Sergeant’s gaze ticked over to where Scylla stood, “She was ruled by her emotions. Her temper threatened to give me grey hairs and her attitude would give even the most patient person a headache. But, she also loved freely. With all the fear and betrayal in this world, she continued to love those who were her family. Her friends. The people she cared about most. She never ever stopped.” Her eyes drifted to Edwin, sitting near the front, flag on his lap, “I will always remember Collar as a brave wild untameable soldier who loved with all her heart and did all she could, gave more than we deserved. It was an honor to know her. She made me proud, and that’s all I ever asked of her. She made us all proud.”
Anacostia is intense.
Yep.
She said something interesting, though. Evidently, you are a very gifted student.
There’s no way she said that.
Boots enthusiastically stamped the ground as Anacostia stiffly walked back to her spot off to the side.
She did not look at Adler once.
Scylla wrapped her arms around her chest, barely holding herself up.
This was goodbye.
She wasn’t ready.
She couldn’t...she couldn’t say goodbye. Not yet. Not to her.
Not to Raelle.
Why had she come here?
She didn’t belong here. Anacostia was right. She shouldn’t be here.
With a gasp, she stumbled away from the funeral.
Thunder grumbled nearby. It didn’t even register with the necro. She desperately tried to hold it in. The emotions. The feelings.
The darkness that threatened to consume her until there was nothing left.
Hold on to the part of you that’s good.
Anacostia’s plea rang in her ears.
Good. What good was there left?
Gasping for air, she mentally berated herself. She needed to get herself under control. She couldn’t let others see her like this. Couldn’t let them know her entire world was gone.
Rubbing her palms across her face, she did her best to wipe away the sadness.
She had to get to the bus.
Pulling her shoulders back, she strode toward the gates.
As she passed by the parking lot, she spotted him, again. Edwin stood near a rain streaked rental car. He was staring at the flag in his hands, perfectly folded but wilting in the weather.
It was like her Collar compass worked for the entire family.
This was Raelle’s father.
A civilian.
The man Raelle wanted her to meet.
Clenching her fists, Scylla slowly walked over to him.
Sadness poured out of him. It was tangible. She could taste it in the air, feel it prickle her skin. His knuckles were white against the blue and red fabric.
Goddess, she couldn’t do this.
Raelle tugged her close, unlinking their hands so she could wrap an arm around her shoulders, “He’ll really like you. Always told me I needed to find myself a little trouble.”
“He did not.”
“No,” Raelle conceded with a grin, “but he did say I’d end up with someone who I could just look at and know everything was ok.” She glanced down at her shoes, “You make me believe, Scyl.”
“Mr. Collar?”
He startled, sniffing as he turned to look at the newcomer. He blinked back tears, forcing a smile on his face. Scylla recognized it. Raelle had the same smile when she was upset but pretended not to be.
“Hi,” Scylla fought the urge to shove her hands in her pockets, “I...was a friend of your daughter’s.”
His smile wavered, “Oh. It’s,” he fought to keep the smile in place, “it’s nice of you to be here. Rae would have appreciated it.”
Her eyes dropped to the ground, to a puddle near the toes of her shoes, “I…” she bit her lip, inhaling deeply to calm herself. Goddess, she wished Raelle was there. The blonde would hold her hand. Excitedly introduce them. Probably say something charming that would have Scylla head over heels for her again. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you. It means a lot…”
“Scylla.” she filled in for him. “My name is Scylla.”
A pregnant pause.
“You’re Scylla?”
Her shoulders tensed. Did he know? Know what she had done?
A large hand gently touched her shoulder, “Thank you so much.”
What?
“What?” Scylla raised her head, finally looking him in the eye.
Goddess, they sparkled like Raelle’s.
His smile was genuine now. Not as big, but real. “Rae...she wrote to me about you. Even called me a few times. She talked about you.”
“She did?”
He huffed a laugh, “Told me she found herself some trouble. Just like I told her to.”
Scylla began to shake. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Her throat squeezed shut, unable to utter a sound.
Sensing her struggle, Edwin rubbed her shoulder soothingly, “Rae was sad. She...ever since her mom passed away, she was different. Unhappy. I couldn’t help her. I thought I’d already lost her.” His throat bobbed, “But then she called me one night after she started Basic and told me about this girl she’d met. That there was something special about her.” His hand was warm, comforting, “She wrote me letters, and at least half of ‘em were all about you. How happy you made her. How...how you made her feel ok.”
Raelle told him about her.
She told him she made her happy.
"No,” Raelle conceded with a grin, “but he did say I’d end up with someone who I could just look at and know everything was ok.” She glanced down at her shoes, “You make me believe, Scyl.”
She’d hurt Raelle, and this man was thanking her. “I’m sorry.” Her voice broke, “I’m so sorry. So so sorry.” She crumbled into him with a sob.
“Shh,” he shushed. His arms wrapped around her, rocking her like a small child. Like her parents used to do when they were alive, “It’s alright.”
Scylla could only cry harder, “I’m so so sorry.”
He tucked her head under his chin, “Raelle loved you. I could tell. You made my little girl happy. You helped her when I couldn’t. You understood her. I’ll always be grateful for that.”
He didn’t know. He didn’t...he just didn’t…”It’s my fault. It’s my fault.”
“No, it’s not.” His voice rumbled in his chest, “Rae knew what she was getting into. And ain’t nobody ever been able to make that girl do something she didn’t want to. She got that from her momma.”
“I lied to her. I hurt her. She...everything is because of me. I did this.”
Ever so slowly, he pulled back. Scylla couldn’t look at him. He’d hate her. He had to hate her.
“Scylla,” he murmured, “sometimes we hurt the people we love the most. But, I know you cared about my daughter. I won’t believe anything else. And,” his chin wobbled, “Rae didn’t tell me why you weren’t at her graduation, we didn’t have much time, but when she said your name,” he shrugged, “she had that look in her eye everyone told me I had when I talked about my wife.”
I’m in this with you. We’re going to figure it out together, ok? Whoever you are, whoever you were, no matter what happens, no matter what anybody else thinks, I’m with you.
No one paid any attention to the man standing next to the rain streaked rental car, tears on his face as a young woman sobbed in his arms.