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There were some certain loud voices came from the master bedroom when Nino arrived home that night, but Nino was too busy arranging his scattered heart to notice.
Nino walked straight to the bedroom, thinking that he would dump himself to the huge bed and cry himself dry. He opened the door abruptly and found two moving figures on the bed stopped suddenly. Yelped. Panicked.
“Ah, sorry,” Nino quickly got out and closed the door again.
He just saw his fiancé having sex with another man but it didn’t affect him much. Seeing his ex-boyfriend with a new girlfriend did.
Nino entered the guest bedroom. He sat on the bed - placing his back against the headboard and hugging his knees tight. He cried and cried; it seemed that his tears were unlimited.
In between his sobs, Nino heard a little commotion outside. It was muffled because he had closed the door, but he could hear it just fine.
“You should go there,” a distinct voice of a man was heard first. It was Masaki, Nino’s fiancé’s boyfriend.
“But we-”
“He’s crying, Sho chan!” Masaki didn’t give Sho any chance to protest.
Sho whined, “But it’s not because of us.”
“Yeah, I know, but he’s crying! Geez, Sho! I thought he’s your best friend,” Masaki hissed with a concerning tone.
Nino snorted a bitter laugh.
My fiancé’s boyfriend is urging my fiancé to console me. How messed up is my life, really?
“He is! Argh, alright! Fine,” Sho took his defeat. His boner was long gone anyway.
“Good,” Masaki said.
Then, Nino heard footsteps approaching and door being opened. Masaki approached Nino cautiously while Sho stood there by the door.
“Nino.. Hey..,” Masaki sat on the corner of the bed, next to Nino.
“Hey..,” Nino tried to wipe his tears with his sleeve.
“I’m sorry about-”
“No, I’m sorry,” Nino cut, “I should have checked first before barging in like that.”
“No, no, it’s okay. That’s.. uh.. your bedroom, anyway,” Masaki lowered his head to meet Nino’s reddened eyes and swiped his fingers on Nino’s shoulder, “Listen, I’m going home now. There’s food on the table, don’t forget to eat, okay?”
“Thanks,” Nino nodded a bit and smiled. Some times he couldn’t understand how normal Masaki was behaving about the bizarre relationship between the three of them, but he was grateful by the way it was. It had made being in a forced relationship with Sho much easier than it should be.
“Well then, see you later,” Masaki stood up and patted Nino’s shoulder several times. He walked towards the door and stopped in front of Sho. He whispered, “I’m going home, take care of him, Sho chan.”
Sho nodded and escorted his boyfriend out. Several minutes later, Sho came back to the guest room and took Masaki’s place from before.
“What happened, Nino?” Sho asked with a voice slightly softer than usual, “I thought you were going to the reunion party?”
“I was there.”
“Then?”
“He was there.”
“He?” Sho didn’t get it at first, “Oh, Ohno?”
“Yes,” Nino gulped down because his throat was so dry after crying for so long.
“Then?”
“His-,” Nino broke into a sobbing cry again right then, “-girlfriend was there. Too.”
“Girl-,” Sho gaped. Now he understood why his fiancé was going home with a messed up face.
“I know I shouldn’t- but I-,” Nino was stumbled on his own words and buried his face to the palm of his hands.
“Oh, God,” Sho muttered and couldn’t help but to feel the sharp thump in his heart too. Even though he didn’t love Nino, even though he was pretty much resent the arranged relationship between them, Sho still couldn’t stand seeing Nino in such a great pain.
They were childhood friends, after all. Childhood friends whose mothers were best friends. Childhood friends that turned out to be both gays. Childhood friends that were arranged to marry each other because Sho’s mother promised Nino’s mother to always take care of Nino a moment before Nino’s mother passed away.
And of course, there’s no better way of ‘taking care’ than taking Nino as her son-in-law.
“I thought I would be okay but I can’t- It.. it hurts,” Nino wailed.
Sho was completely at loss of what to do. He just rubbed his hand up and down Nino’s back.
“I love him,” at one point Nino finally opened his mouth again, “I love him too much, I know I’m a fool.”
Sho pondered. Carefully, he stated his suggestion, “Why don’t you just.. pursue your love, Nino? You’ve suffered too much and we both know you can’t move on from him no matter what. At least, try.”
“He has a girlfriend, Sho!” Nino exploded, “He doesn’t even like guys and I am one!”
Sho was baffled by the rough response.
“I- uh.. sorry,” Nino knew it was wrong to snap at Sho like that. He curled back to his knees and continued sobbing.
Sho sighed and pulled Nino to his embrace. He wouldn’t do it on any day given but that night, he knew Nino needed it.
“Come here, you crybaby. Spit it all out - all night long or even all week long, I don’t care. Come on, I don’t want to have a depressed groom on my wedding day.”
Nino snorted a laugh to his fiancé but he did as he told anyway; he let out every little pieces of his heart that was left torn and broken.
For the first time ever, Sho finally realized how deep Nino’s love for Ohno was.
*******
In one fine day, when Nino and Sho were trying their wedding suits accompanied by the ever-so-happy Masaki, a beep came from Nino’s cellphone.
It was a mail.
Nino read it and he had to sit on a nearby chair to prevent himself from falling face first to the ground. His hands were trembling when he shoved the cellphone to Sho.
From: Oh-chan
Subject: Congrats!
I received the invitation! Your wedding is the day after tomorrow, yeah? Congrats, Nino! ^^
I was wondering, may I come to your place tomorrow? I want to meet the lucky man before he marries you.
I’ll bring Junko too! How does it sound, hm? Let me know your answer!
“Just.. tell him that we have a lot to do. It’s a day before our wedding, after all,” Sho actually didn’t mind at all if someone was about to be their guest in such a crucial time, he was just being considerate of how Nino’s feelings were.
“No,” Nino suddenly looked up, “No, I- Let’s just.. tell him to come.”
Masaki placed a gentle hand on Nino’s back, “Hey, you don’t need to-”
“I need to,” Nino was pained but he was determined, “I need to move on.”
Nino knew it was just an utter lie. He didn’t want to move on. He just wanted to see his Oh chan, no matter how stupid it was actually.
*******
As much as he was reluctant to see Nino together with his soon-to-be-husband, Ohno really needed to make sure that the man was a good man that will take care of Nino properly. He had to.
So when he received a reply that was as cheerful as his mail earlier (the cheerfulness on his mail was a fake one, of course) he didn’t know what to feel. Bitter? Sad? Relieved? He just didn’t know.
When he was finally there, in front of Sakurai’s apartment, he suddenly had the urge to run away. He didn’t want to accept it; that Nino was about to be officiated as someone else’s. But he stood firm on his ground, gripped Junko’s hand a little bit tighter, and pressed the bell.
I have to deal with it. He’s better off this way, after all; with a man that embrace him fully and treasure him. Not desert him and break his heart. Like I did.
Nino opened the door and greeted him with a big bright smile. He looked so happy.
Of course he’s happy, he’s about to have his marriage.
Ohno gulped down his sorrow and smiled back as wide as possible.
“Come in, come in!” Nino chirped, “Oh hello, Junko! How are you?”
Ohno circled his arm around Junko’s waist, holding on to her. The way Nino greeted Junko as if Junko was just another friend and not Ohno’s girlfriend sent a sharp pain to his chest.
He has completely moved on, hasn’t he?
“Sho.. dear..,” Nino called out to someone inside the apartment.
Ohno winced a bit at the affectionate way Nino used to call the other man.
“Yeah?” a head emerged from the bedroom. The man noticed Ohno and Junko and hurriedly come out from the room to bow, “Oh, nice to meet you.”
Ohno and Junko bowed and chanted at almost the same time, “Nice to meet you, sorry for intruding.”
“Please, take a seat,” Sho politely escorted the guests to the sofa.
“So.. this is your fiancé, huh?” Ohno put his best to make his voice somewhat cheerful and teasing.
Nino smiled to his lap, “Yeah.. This is Sakurai Sho, my fiancé. Sho chan, this is Ohno Satoshi my.. um.. high school friend and-”
“Junko, his girlfriend?” Sho completed Nino’s sentence with a sparkly smile.
Junko sheepishly chuckled and nodded, “Yeah, I am.”
High school friend. Yeah.. That’s me to him. Just another high school friend.
Ohno balled his hand to a loose fist. He kept his smile and even chuckled a bit with some nods, but his heart was as mushy as it can be.
“It’s a pleasure to meet someone who was around with him when I wasn’t,” Sho seemed to be fluent at making conversations, “I mean, I know him when he was a little naughty boy and I know him - well - now, but when middle school or high school? I have no idea. Was he a good boy? Or maybe a playboy or something?” Sho asked casually with light and warm giggles.
“Oh.. he was-”
Handsome and shining and captivating. He still is.
“-fine.”
“Fine?” Sho repeated then turned his head to Nino, “Just fine? I thought you’ve made at least a hundred hearts broke for you.”
Nino blushed a bit and elbowed Sho’s ribs.
Not a hundred, maybe. But I know at least one; mine. Even though it was me that broke him up.
Ohno moved restlessly on his seat. Luckily, Junko was there to calm him down.
“Oh, I bet he has. Maybe this boyfriend of mine was just too ignorant to realize it. His head is always on the cloud anyway,” Junko joked and all of them laughed.
Ohno only did it halfheartedly, though.
Sho then proceeded with small talks about the past, the present, and a bit about the future. Sho and Junko somehow took turns on dominating the conversations; shifting from reunion party to wedding preparations and to everyday life.
Nino’s and Ohno’s contributions to the conversations were close to none. There’s a sense of awkwardness lingering in the air and Ohno couldn’t take his eyes off of Nino.
He just couldn’t help it.
Ohno’s heart was nibbled down bit by bit every time Sho pulled Nino closer or Nino leaned his head to Sho’s shoulder. He felt an aching jolt every time Nino looked at Sho with those eyes that Ohno loved so much. He had the urge to shoot himself dead every time Nino’s hand crept to find Sho’s.
It was out of mere luck that Ohno could make it without bursting into tears.
After they ran out of topic, Sho suddenly stood up, “Oh my God! I forgot to make you tea! What a bad host I am. Wait, I’ll make you some.”
Ohno was about to prevent him because he didn’t plan to stay any longer, “You don’t have-”
“Just a minute, wait,” Sho insisted then he dashed to the kitchen. Not even ten seconds later, a short scream was heard.
Nino paced to the kitchen and laughed, “Geez, Sho chan. You could burn up our entire home someday,” Nino pushed Sho back to the living room, “Sit there, I’ll handle the tea.”
Ohno saw the scene and it hit him so hard. The way Nino was so naturally moving around Sho; scolding him and helping him, juggling with teapot and teacups in their kitchen. In their home.
He suddenly felt silly for having the intention to make sure that Sho was the right person for Nino, when it was clear that Sho was a part of Nino’s life and he was not anymore.
Sho smiled apologetically and sat back to the sofa while Junko kindly moved to help Nino.
Ohno knew he would break down if he didn’t escape in ten minutes.
“Take care of him, yeah?” Ohno felt a lump in his throat. It sounded like he was begging to Sho.
“Hm?”
Ohno fixated his eyes to Nino, “Him. Take care of him nicely. He was.. a dear friend of me so.. yeah..”
Sho looked at Ohno then he followed Ohno’s gaze to Nino. He looked like he was thinking about something for a while but then he answered, “Yeah, of course I will.”
“Well then.. uh.. I- Me and Junko.. need to go now,” Ohno started to stutter.
He stood up and went to grab Junko’s hand, “Let’s go.”
Junko was startled, so was Nino. And Sho.
“Eh- but the tea-”
“I’m sorry but we really need to go,” Ohno gripped Junko’s arm so hard that it would leave a mark, “We have a reservation for romantic dinner tonight. Besides, I bet you’re busy for your wedding tomorrow.”
Lies. I just can’t hold back my tears anymore.
They escaped the crisis and Junko didn’t even complain about her marked arm because Ohno’s tears were unstoppable once they were inside the elevator.
*******
Ohno couldn’t believe his eyes when he received a mail.
From: Sakurai, Sho ([email protected])
Subject: Read this, please.
If my eyes were not deceiving me, Ohno san, I could tell that you’re pretty much still in love with Nino.
I can’t be sure about that, though. But one thing that I’m sure of is that Nino is still in love with you.
We’re not a couple, Ohno san, we’re just childhood friends that were arranged to marry each other. No love. I even have my own boyfriend and Nino knows it. They’re friends, even.
Nino is in love with you. Always been and still is. I thought you were just another guy from his past, but when he came home from the reunion party and cried like crazy because you brought your girlfriend with you, I know you’re more than that.
He is crying again now. Weeping over how you always hold Junko’s hand and how you look so perfect with her, which I disagree because - if my eyes were not deceiving me - you’re not in love with her. You just needed her so you could endure seeing Nino with me. Am I wrong?
I can’t be the one who cancel the wedding because of one and another reason, but if it’s Nino who cancel it, or if a certain someone took him away on our wedding day, then it might still be possible to rescue him from jumping into a no-love marriage.
That is if my eyes were not deceiving me.
But if they were and you’re totally not in love with Nino, please just leave, Ohno san. Your presence is making a huge scar in his heart. I really don’t mind marrying Nino if that’s the case, I and my boyfriend are perfectly fine of it. And we could take care of Nino nicely just like you wished.
Sakurai Sho
Ohno read and reread the mail a million times. He had difficulties in understanding it and believing it. It was too bizarre, too absurd - what with Nino’s fiancé having another boyfriend that was perfectly fine of having Sho marrying Nino.
It was too dangerously close to what his mind would made up to make things go as he wanted them to be.
Ohno finally opted to ignore it, convinced that it was just one of his crazy fantasy that was caused by too many crying.
*******
Nino gave his makeup artist a hard time covering his swollen and red eyes. When someone asked, he would just smile and tell them that he was too happy because of the wedding.
When the truth was completely the opposite of it.
Nino locked himself up in the preparation room for a long time, afraid that Ohno would come to meet him with Junko. He would not be able to bear it. It would be too much for him.
Not until Masaki knocked on his door to tell him that the ceremony was about to begin did he unlock the door.
Masaki gave a hand to him, escorting him down to the aisle.
Of course Masaki was their best man. No one fit the role perfectly as one of the groom’s boyfriend, right?
Nino unconsciously scanned through the room as he took his steps towards Sho. Then he spotted Ohno on the third row seat. With Junko. Of course.
He just smiled to hide his quivering lips.
Nino swallowed his tears back. He was determined; if he was about to cry, he would disguise it as another tears of happiness.
Nino smiled as he reached Sho’s side. The officiant started the ceremony and everything went like a mute movie to Nino.
“Do you, Ninomiya Kazunari, take Sakurai Sho as you wedded spouse, from now on, until death separated the both of you?” the ceremony was suddenly already on that point and Nino was still lost in his limbo.
Nino didn’t answer. He didn’t even listen.
“Ninomiya san?” the officiant called.
“Ah, yes?” Nino finally snapped back to reality.
“Do you, Ninomiya Kazunari, take Sakurai Sho as you wedded spouse, from now on, until death separated the both of you?” the officiant repeated.
Nino’s hands were shaking. He knew it was a point of no return. He was about to step into a gate that will separate him completely from Ohno. Forever.
He turned his head and took lingering look at Ohno. He couldn’t hide his feelings, it was showed clearly.
Nino turned his head back to the officiant and closed his eyes. Inhaled and exhaled a deep breath.
His body was trembling and his eyes were already wet when he opened his mouth, “I-”
Nino didn’t know what happened. The next thing he knew, he was already far away from the ceremony, running fast on his feet.
*******
Ohno went to the wedding with a shade on his face. He could fake a smile but his bloodshot eyes would give him away on the first glance.
He cursed himself. All night long.
He cried not because he was weak, no. Weak was when he decided to leave Nino just because he couldn’t stand all the mocks.
He cried because his life was slowly inching away from him. All those days he spent regretting his dumb decision, all those letters he wrote but never send, all those what-ifs he treasured so dearly; he had to put them to a closed box of the past, closing any chance to open it ever again.
Ohno wanted to see Nino and tell the younger to take care and be happy, he would probably leave right after for he doubted his strength of getting through the ceremony. But Nino’s room was locked. No one was allowed to meet the groom.
So Ohno took a seat that was close enough to the altar where Nino would leave him completely in a few minutes.
While waiting nervously, Ohno opened Sho’s mail again, slightly expected that it would not be there - that it was all really just his wishful imagination.
It was there.
Ohno really didn’t know what to do.
Like it was right on cue, Nino entered the room with a slender tall man right next to him.
Nino was stunning. Like he always did.
Their eyes met for a slight second. Ohno searched for any little hint that Nino was not into the marriage, like Sho said in his mail, but he found nothing.
Nino gave a bright smile instead. With a glassy layer of tears in his eyes.
Tears of happiness. Most probably.
The thought was toxic for Ohno. It killed him ruthlessly, over and over again.
The ceremony was started and Ohno couldn’t take his eyes off of Nino. Again.
He could only see Nino’s back, but his eyes didn’t have the power to look away.
Not until it was Nino’s turn to say ‘I do’ did Ohno notice that something was not right.
“Ninomiya san?” the officiant even had to call Nino because Nino didn’t answer on cue.
“Ah, yes?” it was like Nino’s mind was somewhere else for the entire ceremony.
“Do you, Ninomiya Kazunari, take Sakurai Sho as you wedded spouse, from now on, until death separated the both of you?” the officiant repeated.
Ohno noticed that Nino didn’t answer right away. There’s a slight movement that told Ohno that Nino was hesitating.
Then, Nino turned his head to Ohno and Ohno saw it. Tears that were on Nino’s eyes weren’t tears of happiness. Nino’s eyes seemed like they were begging to Ohno. It seemed like they were screaming to Ohno. For Ohno.
Nino turned his head back to the officiant.
Before he knew it, Ohno was already up on his feet and dashed to Nino.
“I-”
Ohno didn’t let Nino to finish his answer. He grabbed Nino’s arm and they ran. And ran. And ran.
Together.
*******
They were both panting when they finally stopped.
“Oh-”
“Nino, listen,” Ohno cut, “I love you. Always. Even in these last six years, four months, three weeks, and two days.”
Nino’s eyes widened under Ohno’s gaze.
“I was a jerk for breaking up with you. Some people that I thought was my friend mocked me because I was- I am in love with a guy,” Ohno didn’t dare to stop talking because he was afraid that Nino would leave him, “So I did the stupidest thing I’ve ever done - breaking up with you.”
Nino stayed still.
“The day I broke you up, my heart was holed. I tried to fix it by loving someone else, but I can’t. I can’t because I simply can’t get you out of my heart. Out of my mind. The next thing I knew, I spent all my days missing you. Wanting you. I wanted to get back at you, but I was- I am a jerk so I didn’t dare to even show up in your life again.”
Nino was as still as a statue. His eyes were fixated to Ohno’s.
“Then, I heard that you’re engaged. And then there’s the reunion party. I couldn’t help myself, I really wanted to see you even if it was for the last time so I came. With Junko. I paid her to pretend that she’s my girlfriend.”
Nino’s expression was changed a bit to an expression of disbelief. A tear was escaped from his eye.
“And.. and I visited you to make sure that Sakurai san would be able to take care of you. He was perfect, and I was torn by that. You looked happy, you looked like you could live forever with him and not even remember anything about me.”
Another tear streamed down Nino’s cheek, followed by many others.
“Then Sakurai san sent me an email and the look in your eyes and- and-,” Ohno’s words were so unclear by then. He was crying. Too.
Ohno took a deep breath and exhaled it in an attempt to calm himself down.
“Do you still love me, Nino?” Ohno reached to grab Nino’s shoulders. His face was a mess but he looked straight to Nino’s eyes, “Have I ever crossed your mind after that night on our graduation day? Have you ever, even for a split second, thought of us being back together? Because you’re always on my mind and being back together with you is my only dream.”
Nino kept quiet.
Ohno sighed and he could hear his own heart falling down to his feet. He released Nino’s shoulders and looked down, preparing to apologize and send Nino back to the wedding.
But suddenly, Nino slapped him hard on the face.
Ohno was startled.
“That, is for breaking up with me just because of people’s words,” Nino said with tears flowing like a waterfall.
He then slapped Ohno again.
“That, is for lying to me. About not loving me and about being straight.”
Another slap.
“That, is for being a coward and not coming to me even after you’ve realized your mistake.”
Ohno’s cheek was already bright red, but Nino slapped him again.
“That, is for hiring a fake girlfriend and kissing her in front of me.”
Nino slapped again.
“That, Oh chan, is for making me wait for so long,” Nino sobbed, “I love you. In every single second since that day, until this very moment, and probably forever. You’ve made me think that.. that there’s no way for us to be together. It was excruciating, to see you happy with a girl that I don’t even know before. Because I love you! I do!”
Ohno didn’t care about his slightly swollen cheek. He was trying to digest Nino’s words.
Nino stepped forward and placed his head on Ohno’s chest, sobbing softly, “I do love you, Oh chan. And you’re stupid for ever doubting it.”
Nino hugged Ohno tight like Ohno was his only lifeline, “Don’t leave me ever again, Oh chan. I love you.”
Ohno couldn’t say any word at all. He wrapped his arms around Nino’s body and cried even harder.
They cried together and it was - finally - a cry of happiness.