Archive of Our Own

Doyoung is running late. His shift at the local hospital went a little bit longer than expected and even though he technically doesn’t have to work overtime since it’s just an internship he is obliged to do, he doesn’t like leaving without finishing his work. And he enjoys working there, it has always been his dream to become a surgeon one day and to help people. So it’s no problem for him to stay a little longer than required.

Not today though.

Today he has an appointment and if there’s one thing Doyoung hates, it’s being late.

He’s panting when he arrives at his destination. It’s a small club and only a handful people are still standing outside. He checks the time on his watch and is relieved to see he even managed to get there with ten minutes to spare.

“I’m on the guestlist.” Doyoung tells the man, who’s guarding the entrance. “Doyoung Kim.”

The man just looks down at Doyoung, who admittedly does look out of place. Most people here are wearing band shirts, sneakers, ripped jeans. Doyoung wears a cardigan and a button-up. The doors dude looks new because Doyoung has never seen him before and he’s been to this club more times he can actually count. Sighing the man checks the list in front of him and as always: Doyoungs name is the first on the list.

He moves aside to let him in and Doyoung shortly nods at him.

The room is full of people. The show hasn’t even begun yet, but it’s already sticky and hot and Doyoung hates it. 

He settles at the small bar, at least the bartender is the same as always, so he’s bringing Doyoung a glass of water without being asked to. Doyoung smiles and nods as a thank you. 

“Long day? You’re later than usual.” 

He nods. “Had to work a bit longer than usual, but it’s fine. I like what I’m doing.”

That’s the end of their conversation and the bartender tends to some other people.

Doyoung scans the crowd and recognizes some faces. They probably recognize him too, but don’t approach him, which he is thankful for.

But there are also a lot of faces he doesn’t recognize. It makes him proud somehow.

The room gets dark, people are clapping their hands in excitement, cheering on the people that are about to come out on stage.

Doyoung has seen this intro a million times, he doesn’t get goosebumps or anything, but it makes him smile and interestingly it makes him feel at ease. He leans back and does what he always does.

Enjoy the show.

“WHAT’S UP PEOPLE, WE’RE 97 SQUAD AND THIS IS LIQUID…”

  :-)

The last few seconds before they go on stage are always special. The adrenaline is kicking in, making them all even more hyper.

Jaehyun checks his in-ear for the last time. It’s just a before stage ritual at this point, but it calms him down a bit.

“Let’s Go!”

Mingyu is the first one to come out on stage. As always. The crowd cheers as he settles behind his drum set. Yugyeom, Jeongguk and Jaehyun follow. Seokmin is last. The crowd goes even wilder. It’s probably barely over 200 people, but they’re all here to see them play, Jaehyun can’t help but smile wider. This is everything he ever wanted.

“WHAT’S UP PEOPLE, WE’RE 97 SQUAD AND THIS IS LIQUID…”

His fingers automatically move along the strings of his guitar. He scans the room, sees people he’s seen before, people who have supported them since they first started out. But he also sees a lot of unfamiliar people, which fills him with pride.

But honestly, he’s only looking for one person.

He sits at the bar as usual. He looks out of place as usual, with his slacks and button up. Jaehyun looks right at him, Doyoung looks right back, giving him a smile and a thumbs up.

Adrenaline rushes through his veins.

And for the next hour Jaehyun forgets everything except that he’s standing on this stage with his best friends, doing what he loves the most. 

Music.

“Because I'm floating out to sea

I'm asleep

And I'm liquid”

:-)

“Thank you so so much for today. Your music really means a lot to me!!” The girl in front of Jaehyun smiles brightly, albeit a little bit shy as she can’t seem to look him in the eyes. He gets it though, when he met his favorite band for the first time he almost shit his pants.

“Thank you so much for giving it a listen! Really means the world to us!” Jaehyun gives back, meaning every word. Without these people, they’d be nothing and there’s nothing better than hearing how much their music means to their fans.

“Ehm… can we maybe take a picture?” She asks shyly.

“Yes, of course!” Who’s Jaehyun to deny that. He loves meeting their fans. It’s the second best thing next to being on stage. 

They pose together while the girl’s friend takes some pictures.

“Thank you so much for coming out tonight, it really means a lot.”

The girl beams before saying goodbye. 

Jaehyun lost track of time, but almost everyone has left by now, it’s late as well and it’s not the weekend. He’s truly grateful to everyone, who showed up tonight, but now that he has some time to properly breath, he feels exhaustion kicking in. 

“You were amazing out there, Jae.”

Jaehyun smiles at the familiar voice behind him.

“Thank you, Doie.”

Doyoung comes up behind him, not hesitating to pull him into a hug even though Jaehyun hasn’t had the chance to shower yet and is very sweaty and probably stinks. A lot.

“I’m glad you could make it.”

“Come on, I would never miss a show. I’m your best friend.” Doyoung scoffs.

Jaehyun smiles. “Yes you are, still thankful.”

Doyoung rolls his eyes. “Sap.”

The venue is entirely empty now. Luckily they’ve also already packed up, so they’re all good to go. Doyoung greets the rest of the members and the part of the crew, who’s still hanging around. 

“Let’s go get food, I’m starving.” Mingyu exclaims. “You wanna come too, Doyoung?”

It’s just a rhetorical question at this point.

Doyoung nods. “But I’m not staying for long, I have an early shift at the hospital tomorrow and a paper to finish.”

“Knowing you, the paper isn’t due for another week.” Jaehyun remarks.

Doyoung just shrugs. “Better safe than sorry.”

“Anything special you guys want to eat.” Eunwoo, their manager, is already scrolling through a list of food places.

“Let’s just go for Pizza.” 

“Agreed.” Everyone agrees. They usually fight a lot about what they want to eat, but after gigs no one really has the energy for it, so they mostly go with the first suggestion someone gives. 

“Okay, Pizza it is.”

They all settle in their small van. 

“What did you think of today, Doyoung?” Jeongguk wants to know.

“Do I really have to answer that? You know what I’m going to say anyways.” Doyoung complains.

“But we still want to hear it.” Jaehyun snuggles into Doyoungs shoulder, a sign he’s getting tired.

“It was amazing. As usual.” Doyoung smiles fondly at him. 

And for a second there’s only Jaehyun and him.

Jaehyun is glowing.

And it’s probably Doyoungs most favorite sight in the world.

:-)

Doyoung Kim and Jaehyun Jung couldn’t be more different. Doyoung prefers quiet places, soft, mellow music, reading and studies hard to become a surgeon one day. Jaehyun on the other hand dropped out of college, deciding to pursue music full time, when the band got their first contract and an offer to drop an EP. He loves attention and the louder the music, the better.

They’ve been best friends since kindergarten. 

They’re a package deal. There’s no Doyoung without Jaehyun and no Jaehyun without Doyoung and it has always been that way.

They support each other unconditionally. Jaehyun listens when Doyoung needs someone to rant medical facts to when he studies and Doyoung has never missed one of Jaehyuns gigs.

Doyoung fell in love with the idea of helping people some time during high school and decided on becoming a surgeon after an internship at a small hospital during on of his summer breaks. Med school is hard, but he likes studying. Always has. He was valedictorian when he graduated high school and was loved by almost the entire student body.

He can seem cold on the outside, but is actually a very warm-hearted person, who is always going to offer you help, if you need it.

Jaehyun on the contrary has never liked studying all that much. He started playing guitar when he was eight years old and hasn’t stopped since then. The decision to form a band with some of his closest friends came naturally some time during his second year of high school. The band name was originally supposed to be a joke, they don’t even remember whose idea it was, but the name just kinda stuck with them. So they’re 97 Squad now. It does fit, considering they all were born in 1997.

Jaehyun plays guitar and sings, Mingyu plays drums, Seokmin sings, Jeongguk is their lead guitarist and Yugyeom plays bass. Minghao and Bambam had decided to use their talents otherwise and were responsible for designing their merch, album designs and whatever. They had met Eunwoo in their last year of high school and it was quickly decided he’d be their manager. He does play the keys when they need it, mostly for the slower songs or acoustic versions.

And that’s how it still is.

Through all of this, Jaehyun and Doyoung have always been best friends. 

Best friends.

At some point Doyoung had started to resent the phrase. He can’t pinpoint the moment he fell for Jaehyun exactly. It happened more gradually. They’ve spent almost their entire lifes together, so falling for him just came naturally. 

Jaehyun is the one person, who just gets him. The one person he’d trust his life with. Who knows him inside out and would never judge any of his decisions. And he knows Jaehyun feels the same, but there is one thing that’s different about their feelings towards each other.

Doyoung in in love with Jaehyun.

Jaehyun loves Doyoung, but he isn’t in love with him.

And Doyoung knows. He knows and that’s why he decided to never act on his feelings.

:-)

It’s the weekend.

And Jaehyun is smashed. 

It doesn’t happen often, he knows he can’t hold his alcohol, knows he’s always been a lightweight, but today he just wanted to let loose and celebrate.

The band had finally finished recording their newest record, a very personal one. Everyone usually took part in the creative part of making an album, Jaehyun and Jeongguk writing most of their stuff, but this time Seokmin had contributed a lot as he and his long-time girlfriend had called it off and while it had been a mutual decision on both ends, Seokmin had ended up getting over the relationship by writing songs. Really good songs.

It’s also not just an EP, it’s an actual full-length album. Their first ever since they signed to Neo Zone Records at the beginning of the year. Neo Zone Records was the second label they had signed to and were a thousand times better than they’re old one. Things were looking good for them again, after having a tough last year.

So of course they wanted to celebrate. 

It is just a small get-together in one of the few authentic korean restaurants their city had to offer. They all had invited some of their closest friends and were currently trying to ruin their livers with a lot of soju shots.

Doyoung is sitting right next to Jaehyun, his face slightly red, a sign he as well has been drinking a little bit too much. 

“Doieee, I’m tired.” Whiny Jaehyun is a very rare sight and Doyoung can’t help, but appreciate the cuteness of his best friend when drunk.

“Maybe we should go home then.” Doyoung replies, supporting Jaehyuns head with his shoulder.

“Hmm, please.” Jaehyun nuzzles into Doyoungs shoulder, inhaling Doyoungs scent.

“Okay, I’ll get us an Uber.” 

Even being drunk, Doyoung manages to get an Uber without stumbling or any other incidents. They manage to say goodbye to their friends and support each others body, waiting for their Uber to arrive.

Doyoung tells the driver his address, not wanting to leave Jaehyun alone. 

“You’re the best, Doie.” Jaehyun murmurs into Doyoungs shoulder. His breath tickling Doyoungs neck.

Doyoung feels goosebumps all over his skin. He usually tries not to get affected too much, when Jaehyun gets clingy, but he’s only human. And he’s in love, so he savours Jaehyuns touch even if it hurts him.

“You’re drunk, Jae.” Doyoung answers softly.

“You too.” Jaehyun is even closer now, snuggling into Doyoungs embrace.

Doyoung doesn’t deny it. He knows he had too much to drink, but Yugyeom kept pouring soju into his glass and he wanted to let loose for once too. As much as he loves studying and working, it has been taking a toll on him lately and he hadn’t had time to relax.

He just hopes Jaehyun is not too drunk. Because as clingy as Jaehyun gets when he’s drunk, he also gets very horny. And that is something Doyoung isn’t very good at handling. He would never take advantage of Jaehyun like that, but he also has never been drunk with a horny Jaehyun and right now, with Jaehyun breathing down his neck, clinging onto Doyoung, it’s hard for him to properly breathe.

Thankfully they’ve arrived at Doyoungs apartment block and Jaehyun lets go of his waist. Only for a bit though, as soon as they’re both out of the car, his arm is back around Doyoungs waist.

Doyoung stumbles with his keys for a bit, he doesn’t know if it’s because he’s drunk or if it’s because he’s surrounded by Jaehyuns scent and warmth and it’s affecting him very much. It’s probably both. In the end he manages to open his door, luckily because he really didn't want sleep on the floor. It’s cold.

“You should drink some water, Jae.” He says gently, taking off his shoes, walking towards the kitchen.

“Hmm.” Jaehyun answers, not letting go of Doyoung at all.

It’s hard. He’s used to having Jaehyun around him, but they stopped sharing a bed when they were eleven, years before Doyoung actually fell in love with Jaehyun and sober Jaehyun isn’t nearly as clingy as drunk Jaehyun.

In the kitchen, Doyoung gently removes Jaehyuns arms, fishing a glass out of the cupboard and filling it with water. He uses the opportunity to take a deep breath, trying to forget the way Jaehyuns arms felt around his waist. How utterly right it felt to be held like that.

He turns around and sucks in a deep breath. Jaehyun is standing right behind him. Doyoung can’t help, but freeze, looking right into Jaehyuns eyes. They’re dark and seem mysterious, but to Doyoung they’re the most familiar. They’re eyes you could get lost into. 

“Jae…” Doyoung can’t look away. He doesn’t know why. The tension is thick, none of them looking away.

Jaehyun licks over his lips, his eyes flitting between Doyoungs eyes and lips.

Doyoung tries to get the glass between them, a try to get some space. He doesn’t trust himself right now.

“You know, you’re the most important person for me, right Doie?” Jaehyuns speech is amazingly clear for someone, who’s clearly not sober.

Doyoung looks away and just nods, he doesn’t trust his voice right now.

Jaehyun is even closer now. 

Doyoung sets the glass of water aside. His hands are slightly shaking.

He looks back and realizes immediately that it was a mistake. Jaehyuns gaze is intense. He has never looked at Doyoung like that and Doyoung doesn’t know what to do.

“I…” He can’t say anything else because all of a sudden he feels a foreign pair of lips on his. Every rational part of him is screaming to stop this, Jaehyun clearly isn’t thinking straight and Doyoung shouldn’t take advantage of him like that, but Doyoung can’t stop. Not when this is all he ever dreamed of.

Jaehyun has a tight grip on his waist, caressing his hips, his hands sliding under Doyoungs shirt. Doyoung slings his arms around Jaehyuns neck, pulling him impossibly closer, he has lost control and can’t think straight because this is all he ever wanted.

And before he knows it, they’re fully making out against his kitchen counter. 

Doyoung feels on fire, alcohol and adrenaline pulsing through his veins.

Jaehyun tugs on Doyoungs shirt and Doyoung wastes no time, pulling it over his head. He knows he’s aroused, but he can’t help it, Jaehyun isn’t exactly ugly.

Jaehyun gets rid of his own shirt as well and Doyoung runs his hands over Jaehyuns upper body, feeling the muscles under his finger tips.

He’s also starting to feel a bit dizzy and doesn’t realize Jaehyun’s gripping his thighs, hosting him up and carrying him to the bedroom. He’s surrounded by Jaehyuns scent, it’s all he can think about, his head is chanting Jaehyuns name.

They haven’t stopped kissing at all.

They’ve reached Doyoungs bed. Somewhere along the way, Jaehyun had managed to get rid of Doyoungs pants.

And then Doyoung stops thinking at all.

:-)

His head hurts.

It’s the first thing Jaehyun realizes.

It’s also very warm.

That’s the second thing he realizes.

He slowly tries opening his eyes, but closes them immediately afterwards because the sun is shining through the blinds and it’s too bright for him. He does realize where he is though, recognizing the scent of the laundry detergent.

Doyoung must have taken him to his apartment. 

Jaehyun can’t really remember anything that has happened the night before, but that’s normal. He only remembers taking too many shots with Seokmin and Minghao. Also nothing out of the ordinary, those two love filling him up.

He groans, his head is actually killing him.

He feels someone stir next to him. Doyoung must have waken up.

Jaehyun tries opening his eyes again, but it works as well as it did the first time.

“I’ll get you some water and aspirin.” Doyoung says, his voice full of sleep and slightly scratchy. 

“Thanks.” Jaehyun manages to get out. He hears Doyoung chuckling and moving.

Doyoung gets up, his legs feel like jelly and everything hurts. He frowns, he is used to having a slight headache, but his lower back hurting like that? That’s new. He looks down and realizes he’s only in his boxers and there’s a weird substance on his stomach. As he looks closer, he realizes it’s dried cum and he freezes. He remembers lips on his, hands gripping his thighs and dark intense eyes.

Fuck.

‘Good job, Doyoung.’ He thinks. ‘Congrats on sleeping with your best friend, who doesn’t have feelings for you.’

He stumbles into his kitchen, remembering how they kissed in the kitchen and how amazing it felt. It hurts. And Jaehyun probably doesn’t even remember. He never remembers anything when he gets drunk.

Mechanically he grabs a glass of water and some aspirin.

Coming back into his bedroom, he realizes Jaehyun has managed to get up. He also notices Jaehyun looks at the sheets, which, as Doyoung also realizes, look very disgusting. He seems to have put together what happened last night as well, judging the look he gives Doyoung.

He looks utterly apologetic. 

Doyoung takes a deep breath and places the water and painkillers on his night desk.

“Good morning, Jae.”

Jaehyun doesn’t respond. He fumbles with the sheets, not looking at Doyoung.

Doyoung sighs, taking out towels out of his wardrobe. “You should shower.”

“I’m sorry, Doyoung.”

This time Doyoung doesn’t respond. He doesn’t want to hear Jaehyuns apology. It’s just gonna hurt a thousand times more. He knows Jaehyun doesn’t feel the same. He also know that Jaehyun is aware of his feelings for him. 

“This should’ve never happened. I am so sorry.” Jaehyun speaks gently, voice full of sorrow.

Doyoung blinks away the tears forming in his eyes. “I know you are. It’s not a big deal.”

“I’m really sorry, I know-”

“It’s okay. Really.” Doyoung interrupts. “You don’t have to apologize for anything. We were drunk.”

“But still.” Jaehyun halts for second. He seems to debate with himself if he should continue or not. Doyoung knows what’s coming. “I know how you feel about me.” Jaehyun finally says. “And I probably should’ve told you that I know. I just … I don’t want to lose you, you’re my best friend. And I love you… I’m just not-”

“-in love with me. I know.” Doyoung finishes. He knows he probably can’t hold back his tears any longer, but maybe they should finally talk about this. “I also knew that you know about my feelings.”

Silence.

“Look, Jaehyun, you’re my best friend. And yes, I’m in love with you. Have been for a very long time. But I also am well aware of the fact that you don’t feel this way about me. I don’t know why I haven’t really tried getting over you. I guess in a way I always hoped that maybe someday ... you’d feel the same.”

He doesn’t dare to look at Jaehyun. There it is. His confession is out there and he’s probably about to get his heart broken.

“I’m so sorry, Doyoung.” There it is. “I never thought of you this way and … I don’t think I ever will.” Jaehyun sounds incredibly sorry. And Doyoung knows he is. Because he knows Jaehyun, knows how soft-hearted the boy is. This is breaking his heart as much as its breaking Doyoungs. Just for different reasons.

It’s silent again.

Doyoung takes a deep breath, blinking away the tears in his eyes. 

“Maybe I should go-”

“You don’t have to. Jae, it’s okay. I’m not going to lie and say it doesn’t hurt, but it’s not like I didn’t expect it. I know you. And you don’t have to be sorry. I don’t want you to feel sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. And I don’t want us to be awkward. You’re still my best friend and that’s all I need. ”

Jaehyun looks at the ruined sheets. “Okay. I’ll try.”

Doyoung groans. “Okay, I’ll go take a shower now and then I’ll make breakfast.”

:-)

It’s been two months since, Doyoung calls it ‘the incident’, happened.

Thankfully Jaehyun and him are entirely back to normal. 

Because even though Doyoung had told Jaehyun that everything was okay, the latter had still walked on eggshells around him. It had annoyed to Doyoung to death, he hated being awkward with Jaehyun. He had never been awkward with Jaehyun and he really hated that he had given in that night and how it had almost ruined his friendship. Maybe that was a bit over dramatic, but that was what Doyoung had always feared.

At some point Doyoung had snapped, telling Jaehyun he wasn’t made out of glass and that he knew how to handle his feelings. 

Jaehyun had apologized once more and Doyoung replied with the promise to hit Jaehyun the next time he would do that. 

Doyoung knows it won't be easy getting over Jaehyun. He’s been in too deep for too long. He also knows he should. Jaehyun told him he won’t ever return his feelings. But there’s still this teeny tiny part of him thinking how Jaehyun hasn’t had a girlfriend in forever, hasn’t even had a crush in forever, it had been only him and Jaehyun for so long. 

He had let his hopes get up too high. Something he had promised himself he wouldn’t do. But he still did. And now he’s paying the price for it.

“Are you going to eat this or are you done?”

Doyoung looks up. He hadn’t even realized that he had been deep in thought. 

“Yeah I’m done, you can have it if you want.” He pushes his half eaten tray of food towards Kun Qian.

“Thanks man. I haven’t even had breakfast because I overslept. And this last lecture took all of my leftover energy.”

“Why did you oversleep?” Doyoung asks. He is not sure if he wants to know.

“Ten was very horny last night.”

And he was right. He really didn't want to know about that.

“He-.” Kun begins.

“Forget it, I don’t want to hear what you and your kinky as fuck boyfriend get up to in your bedroom.” Doyoung interrupts him.

Kun only grins, devouring Doyoungs leftovers. “Okay, but what’s with you lately? I thought things between you and lover boy were back to normal?” 

Doyoung rolls his eyes. “They are. And don’t call him that. He’s my best friend.”

“Who you’re in love with.”

“Unfortunately.”

Kun is his best friend after Jaehyun. They met in their first year of university and have been inseparable since. Kun is also the person Doyoung can talk to regarding Jaehyun. Or rather the only person he wants to talk to. Mostly.

“I want you to be happy, Doyoung.” Kun stops eating for a second and looks at him.

“I am happy.” Doyoung replies. “And yes, it’s the truth.”, he adds hastily, knowing Kun wants to disagree.

Kun just sighs and goes back to eating. “If you say so.”

“I’m honestly okay. I know I have to get over him eventually, but there’s no rush, I can still love him, it hasn’t been a problem until now, so it won’t be a problem in the near future.”

Kun looks like he doesn’t believe a word that’s coming out of Doyoungs mouth. And if Doyoung is honest: he doesn’t really believes himself either.

But he drops the topic, sensing Doyoung doesn’t want to talk about it any longer and Kun is nice enough to not push it. Instead he changes the topic, talking about the current state of his and his boyfriends plan to adopt a cat or a dog. Kun and Ten have been dating for forever. And Doyoung likes Ten, he can be snarky, but he’s an incredibly talented dancer and artist, double majoring in dance and arts, and very much in love with Kun. It’s very cute to see. They’ve been thinking about adopting a dog or a cat for a while now, but can’t agree on what exactly.

“We’ve decided to just visit an animal shelter tomorrow and see who we fall in love with.”

“Sounds like a plan.” 

Doyoungs phone vibrates.

It’s a text message from Jaehyun. 

From: Jae

Are u free this evening? We got band practice and need your neutral opinion on something.

Doyoung frowns, he’s not sure if he wants to know what these boys are up to again. Nevertheless, he’s free and his essay about human anatomy can wait.

To: Jae

Sure, I’ll swing by.

He doesn’t ask for a time, they always practice at the same hours and Doyoung has been to their studio almost as much as the band themselves.

“Jaehyun?”

“Yeah, he wants me to stop by the studio later, apparently they need a neutral opinion on something.”

“Sounds suspicious.”

Doyoung just shrugs. Kun is not exactly wrong, but Doyoung has never said no to Jaehyun and he is not going to start now. 

Checking his watch, he realizes they only have five minutes of lunch break left before they have to report back to the doctor they’re shadowing today.

“Hurry up, we have to report back to Dr. Johnson in 5 minutes and I’d rather not run through the hallway with a full stomach.”

Kun scoffs. “As if your stomach is full, you barely ate something.” Nevertheless, Kun grabs Doyoungs now empty tray and his own one and carries them back to the cafeteria lady. 

“Let’s just go.”

They barely make it. Thankfully they’re not the last to come in. Dr. Johnson is known for hating tardiness and Doyoung has a perfect record of being on time. He doesn’t really want to ruin that. And Dr. Johnson actually likes him, he doesn’t want to risk that either.

“Now that we’re complete again: I’d like to announce that Mr. Samuel Han will join us today. I believe some of you know him.”

Doyoung hadn’t noticed the figure standing behind Dr. Johnson yet, but now he sees a quite familiar friendly face.

Samuel Han. 

He’s a senior at Doyoungs and Kuns university and is known for being very friendly and open-minded. He had helped Doyoung a lot when he first started Med School. He also had asked Doyoung on a date once. Doyoung had declined, of course. He had already been head over heels for Jaehyun and while he liked Samuel, he would never use him to get over Jaehyun. That wasn’t fair.

Doyoung hasn’t seen him for a while, nothing unusual as Samuel is in last year and will be an resident doctor starting next year, so the older man is quite busy. 

“Hello. My name is Samuel Han and I’ll be a resident doctor from next year on, so I’ll be watching you today. Let’s get along well.” He smiles and lets his eyes roam the room. When he spots Doyoung, his smiles becomes a bit brighter and there’s a almost non-existent nod aimed in his direction. 

Doyoung doesn’t have to look at Kun to know the latter is grinning.

“I think someone is happy to see you.” He hears Kun whisper.

Doyoung rolls his eyes and doesn’t respond. He really doesn’t need more complications in his love life right. And Samuel probably only asked him back then to be nice.

...

“Doyoung? It’s you, right?” Doyoung has just changed into his normal clothes again and waits for Kun to finish so they can get something to eat before he stops by the studio. Hearing his name and the familiar voice, he turns around and sees himself face to face with Samuel.

“Hi, yes it’s me.” He manages to say.

“Wow, it’s really been a while! How have you been?” Samuel seems very enthusiastic about meeting Doyoung again.

“Good. Life’s been good. And you?” It’s not that Doyoung hates seeing his senior again because they do get along well and he really had helped Doyoung a lot back when Doyoung was still a clueless student. But it’s still weird seeing him again, especially since they hadn’t really talked to each other ever since Doyoung declined the date invitation. 

“I’ve been good too! Are you on your way home?”

“Ehm kinda, I’m waiting for a friend, Kun Qian in case you remember him, we wanted to get dinner.” Doyoung replies.

“Ahh sounds nice, I still have to work.” Samuel smiles. “We should definitely catch up some time! Let me give you my number!”

Doyoung is surprised to say the least and apparently it’s shown on his face.

“Or not?” Samuel scratches the back of his head.

“Oh no, yes, wait no.” Doyoung doesn’t know what he’s saying. “I mean yes, I would like that.”

“Great! Give me your phone, I’ll put my number in.”

Doyoung pulls out his phone and gives it to Samuel, who put in his number. “I should give you my number too.” He manages to say.

At that Samuel seems to smile even brighter. “Amazing, here’s my phone.”

Doyoung slowly saves his number and gives the phone back.

Right then, Kun arrives, looking curiously from one to another. Doyoung slowly releases the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.

Silence ensues.

Samuel clears his throat. “It was nice seeing you again. I’ll text when I got time, maybe we’ll find a date quickly. See you Doyoung.” He smiles at him and nods at Kun and is gone within seconds.

Kun raises his eyebrows. “Why does this feel like he still wants to take you out.”

Doyoung blushes and hates himself for it the next second. “Can you stop? He just wants to catch up, it’s been a while. And he’s just being a nice senior.”

“Yeah sure and I am jesus.”

Doyoung doesn’t bother replying and just starts moving towards the bus station. Kun rolls his eyes and catches up to him. “I can’t wait for the moment I get to tell you I was right.”

:-)

Dinner is relatively unspectacular. They meet up with Ten and get some thai food because lately Ten has been feeling a little bit homesick.

They don’t talk about Jaehyun or Samuel and Doyoung is very grateful for that. He’s had enough of that for the day. He just hopes he won’t have to stay at the studio for long because he’s actually tired and kinda just wants to get home and get some sleep.

They say goodbye to each other soon, Kun and Ten wanting to get home in time for the newest series they’re watching and Doyoung catches the bus to get to the studio just in time.

Contrary to earlier the day, there’s not a lot going through his head right now and it’s probably because Doyoung’s actually quite tired and worn out.

Leaning his head against the window he watches the lights outside flicker and the world fade to grey and black. 

He almost misses his stop.

The lady in the studio lobby looks to awake for Doyoung so while she greets him very enthusiastically, he only manages a tired smile. It doesn’t seem to affect her much though. She’s used to tired people.

He almost falls asleep in the elevator that brings him up to the fourth floor, where 97 Squads practice room and recording studio is located. He can hear Jaehyuns voice through the doors already and already feels a little bit more awake. He hates the effect Jaehyun has on him.

He pushes the door open is greeted with Jaehyun leaning against the wall, apparently in a discussion with Jeongguk and Mingyu. Seokmin’s just sitting on the floor, an acoustic guitar on his lap, stringing some chords. Minghao and Bambam have their heads stuck together, drawing pads on their laps. Yugyeom lays on the couch, limbs fully stretched out and eyes closed. Eunwoo sits in one of the armchairs and seems busy beating a level of a game he’s always playing.

So nothing out of the ordinary. One could wonder if they actually ever practiced.

Doyoung knows they won’t notice him until he says something, so he just throws a quick “What’s up” in the room.

Yugyeom just lifts his hand as a greeting; Jaehyun, Jeongguk and Mingyu pause their discussion and turn their heads towards him. Eunwoo puts his phone aside, Seokmin looks up and Minghao and Bambam seem seriously glad he’s here.

“Thank god, you’re here.” Minghao stands up, pulling Doyoung in a short hug. These idiots can’t decide which album design they want to use and they keep fighting over it, so Jae had the glorious idea to get, and I quote, “our oldest and most loyal fan” to help.”

Doyoung raises his eyebrows. 

“What? It’s the truth.” Jaehyun seems unapologetic. The others too.

“Okay, then show me the designs.” Doyoung is too tired to protest properly. And it’s kinda nice they all seem to trust his decision-making. 

“Great.” Bambam unlocks his iPad and hands it over to Doyoung. “They finally decided to name the album “Drowning in the Unknown”, you know the overall vibe of the songs and Hao and I have made several designs for the album cover, but they can’t actually agree on one.”

“They’re all good, so we can’t decide.” Mingyu chimes in, having sat down on the back of the armchair Eunwoo is sitting in.

“Okay, let me see. I hope you all know I don’t know much about arts and album aesthetics.” 

“But you know a lot about feelings.” He hears Jaehyun murmuring. Doyoung hopes no one else has heard and it does seem that way.

Doyoung swipes through the various designs. Mingyu is right, they’re all very good. He can see why they have hard time deciding on one.

“I think I like this one the most.” The drawing is mostly black and dark grey, there’s the silhouette of a person reaching out his hand almost as if to say: someone help me please. The silhouette seems to slightly fade into the darker colors. Maybe it seems a bit unoriginal but Doyoung can relate to vibe the design gives off and he feels it does fits the album theme quite well.

“Nice. Do you all agree with it?” Bambam turns the iPad around to show everyone the design Doyoung has chosen.

Everyone nods.

“Thanks, Doie.” Jaehyun smiles at him. Doyoung can’t help, but return it. It kinda hurts.

“Cool, I already have some great merch ideas for a shirt and a hoodie.” Minghao grabs his drawing pad and sits down at the table in the corner.

“Cool, can we go back to practice now?” Yugyeom asks, not having moved on bit from his position on the sofa. 

Jeongguk rolls his eyes. “Yes.”

“Cool.”

“Feel free to stay, Doyoung.” Seokmin tells him. “We could use a bit of an audience.”

Doyoung initially wants to decline, he’s still tired. But Jaehyun is looking at him with those eyes and he can’t say anything.

So he just nods.

He really really hates the effect Jaehyun has on him.

“Okay, we’re doing all the new songs and some of the older ones, the fans have been begging me to let you play some of the real old ones.” Eunwoo says, having abandoned his phone. “As if it would be my decision.” He adds.

And with that they go back to practice and even though Jaehyun looks the same as always, ripped skinny jeans, vans, band shirt, the nose ring, he seems like an entire new person when he’s playing guitar and singing his heart out. It’s even more noticeable at shows, but even now when they’re just practising, he has a whole other vibe as usual.

And it’s doing things to Doyoungs heart. 

Doyoung leans back into the soft back of the chair he’s sitting in, trying to concentrate on anything else except Jaehyun, but he knows it’s not possible.

He’s always automatically drawn to Jaehyun.

It has always been like that.

…

“Thanks for coming, Doie.” Jaehyun tells him when they’re waiting for their respective busses to arrive. 

“It’s nothing, Jae, I’m glad I could help.” Doyoung just smiles tiredly at him.

“Still.” 

Silence.

Jaehyun, for some reason, doesn’t stop fidgeting. It’s weird. 

“Okay, what’s going on?” He finally asks, not being able to bear Jaehyun obviously wanting to say something, but not saying anything.

Jaehyun looks down at his hands, then at the ground and in the very end he looks at Doyoung.

The latter frowns. He has rarely seen Jaehyun so torn up.

“Did something happen?” He asks concerned. It’s not like Jaehyun to be so fidgety. He’s already imagining worst case scenarios like a family member getting into an accident. He knows how much Jaehyun adores his family.

“I-” Jaehyun stops, takes a deep breath, which makes Doyoung frown even more. “I met someone.”

Time stands still for a second.

His throat feels tight all of a sudden, everything inside him freezes up and there’s a really sharp sting in his heart.

“And I think I really like her.”

It feels like his ears are full of water,he can’t hear or see anything, everything gets dizzy for a second.

‘Put yourself together, Doyoung Kim.’ He thinks sharply, trying to pull himself out of his frozen state.

“Hey, that’s amazing!” He manages to say. He has no how idea how he did that. His voice doesn’t even tremble, there’s no sign that Doyoung is close to breaking down. 

Jaehyun doesn’t seem to notice how hard Doyoung is holding back his actual emotions because he actually seems relieved. “Yes?”

“Yes, of course. Have you told her?” Doyoung wants to ask him so many questions. Where did they meet? When? How? How is she? Is she pretty? Is she nice? She has to be nice if Jaehyun likes her. He ends up asking none of them.

“I actually have, we’re kinda going slow right now, it’s only been a few days. We met a month ago and yeah.” Jaehyun is glowing. His smile is bright, he seems happy, relieved and his eyes are shining.

And everything inside of Doyoung hurts.

Doyoung wants to be happy for Jaehyun. He really wants to be happy for him. Because Jaehyun deserves nothing but happiness. And Doyoung promised himself he’d always be happy and supportive the moment Jaehyun falls in love with someone.

But somehow all he feels is pain. 

“I’m so happy for you, Jae.” He hears himself say. “You have to tell me everything.”

‘Please don’t tell me anything’ Doyoung thinks. 

He’s saved by Jaehyuns bus arriving. “I will, Doie. God I’m so glad I finally told you, I was so afraid.”

Doyoung wants to ask why, but that’d be stupid. He knows why. 

He manages to smile at Jaehyun. “You didn’t have to.”

“I’ll tell you everything tomorrow. I’ll call you.” And with that he’s gone.

And Doyoung can’t hold himself up any longer. All his strength seems to have left his body. All that’s left are tears burning in his eyes. 

It has never hurt this much. But Jaehyun had also never looked this happy, this glowing while barely talking about someone. Whoever she was, she must make him really really happy.

Happier than Doyoung probably ever could.

He doesn’t remember how he gets home. His memories are an endlessly blurred.

He feels tears falling down, running along his cheeks, falling to the floor.

‘Only today.’  Doyoung promises himself. ‘I’ll only cry today. Starting tomorrow I’ll be the supportive best friend Jaehyun deserves.’

His hands are shaking, he realizes while trying to fill a cup with water. He closes his eyes, trying to take deep breaths. His tears can’t seem to stop.

And Doyoung hates it. Hates how shaken up he is about this even though Jaehyun never lead him on and was honest about his feelings. Hates how much this is hurting him. Hates how he never tried getting over him. Hates how he lied to himself about not getting his hopes up high.

Doyoung cries himself to sleep that night.

:-)

“Her name is Hyeji.” Jaehyun kind of can’t contain his excitement to finally be able to talk to Doyoung about the girl he met a month ago and has been seeing for a few days now. “And she moved here for university.”

Jaehyun had been afraid to tell Doyoung about her, mainly because he didn’t want to hurt Doyoungs feelings. He still felt bad for what happened two months ago even though Doyoung seemed to have forgotten anything ever happened between them. 

Jaehyun hasn’t.

But Doyoung seems genuinely happy for him. Which Jaehyun is very relieved about. Hurting Doyoung is the last thing he wants, but the latter seems fine and asks him a lot of questions about Hyeji.

“She’s a year younger than me and studies architecture. We actually met because she’s friends with Yugyeoms new crush Maya.” He explains further. “She’s also quite small, which is very cute. But yeah we kinda hit it off immediately.”

Doyoung on the other hand is happy Jaehyun can’t see his face right now. The latter had asked him to facetime him earlier, but Doyoung had declined, saying he needs to work on an essay and a normal phonecall would be enough distraction. It’s not even entirely a lie because he actually has to work on an essay, but he still has plenty of time to finish it, so he’s not in a hurry to work on it. But Jaehyun doesn’t know that.

Doyoungs face is blotchy and he hasn’t slept much. The pain is mostly gone, all he feels is emptiness now. All strength he has left, goes into his voice so Jaehyun won’t notice how much this is actually affecting him.

Luckily Doyoung has a day off today, so he doesn’t need to worry about work. Unfortunately it also means he has too much time and not enough things to distract him. Which is why he’s currently listening to Jaehyun wax poetics about this girl.

The worst thing is Hyeji seems nice, if he believes the things Jaehyun says about her. Like how she works voluntarily at an animal shelter. Or how she tutors her neighbors children. So Doyoung can’t hate her. He doesn’t know her, but he can’t hate her. He can’t even blame her for falling for Jaehyun because Doyoung knows how easy it is. He’s also been there.

“You’re going to love her.”

Doyoung doubts that. 

“Yeah, she sounds amazing. “ He pauses. “I’m really happy for you, Jae. You deserve this.”

“Thank you, Doie. This means a lot.” 

Silence.

“I should probably let you work on your essay.”

“Yeah.”

Doyoung is glad Jaehyun is ending the call. This way he doesn’t have to feel bad about not wanting to talk to him any longer. For the first time ever Doyoung doesn’t want to talk to Jaehyun.

He ends up staring at his phone screen after getting off the phone call. Maybe he should really start working on his essay. He desperately needs distraction.

Doyoung sets up his laptop and grabs his notes. 

His phone vibrates. 

Doyoung frowns. He knows it can’t be Kun, the latter has a busy day at the hospital today as he had complained earlier about his amount of work. And he just got off the phone with Jaehyun so it probably won’t be him either. His mom? She usually calls, she doesn’t like texting. Other than them he doesn’t talk to anyone regularly, so he has no clue who could’ve texted him.

It’s Samuel.

If Doyoung is honest, he had kinda forgotten about meeting him again. All he had thought of since yesterday night had been Jaehyun.

From: Samuel

Hey Doyoung! I was wondering if you would be free this saturday? There’s this really nice, small korean place near my apartment. I would like to take you there. 6pm? 

Doyoung can’t help but think of Kuns words about Samuel still wanting to take him out. ‘It’s not a date, he’s just being a nice senior.’ Doyoung has to remind himself. And why is he even overthinking this? Must be Kuns influence.

To: Samuel

Yes, I’m free. Just text me the address and I’ll see you there.

From: Samuel

Just give me yours, I’ll pick you up! 

Doyoung frowns again. There’s a little voice inside his head, telling him it’s definitely a date invitation. The voice sounds suspiciously a lot like Kun.

There’s no way Samuel would ever be interested in Doyoung. Let alone the fact that Doyoung is still in love with his best friend. But meeting up with Samuel could maybe distract him a bit from his heartbreak. And he would never say no to nice korean food. 

He texts Samuel his address and gets a ‘Nice. See you on saturday!’ paired with a wink-face back.

What the hell does that even mean?

:-)

Fast forward to saturday, Doyoung can’t help but actually feel a little bit nervous. He’s been working a lot the past days to distract himself and surprisingly it did work. It still hurts thinking of Jaehyun and talking to him, but Doyoung got very good at hiding his emotions the past few days. He still has yet to meet Hyeji and he kind of doesn’t want to meet her, but he knows he can’t put it off forever.

He looks at himself in the mirror. 

He looks like he always does. Kun had told him to dress up, when he told him about the invitation, but Doyoung still believes it’s just to catch up and he won’t make a fool out of himself dressing up. Especially when he’s not sure he even wants to go on dates.

Which is what Kun had advised him to do. You have to get over Jaehyun and it’s not going to happen, when you’re just at work or in your apartment. You should go out, meet boys, meet men, live your life. Jaehyun might be your first love, but he doesn’t have to be your last one.

And Doyoung knows there’s some truth in Kuns words. He just isn’t sure if he’s ready to move on yet. All he’s ever known is how to be in love with Jaehyun. He isn’t sure if he can feel the same amount of love for someone who’s not Jaehyun.

He takes a deep breath. He doesn’t even know why he’s so nervous, but somehow he feels like he needs to throw up.

The doorbell rings and Doyoung rushes to open the door. 

Samuel stands in front of him. He doesn’t seem to wear anything out of the ordinary either. Doyoung feels relieved.

“Hi.”

“Hi Doyoung.”

“I just have to grab my coat.” Doyoung gestures at his wardrobe behind him.

Samuel just smiles at him. Doyoung grabs his coat and his keys and follows Samuel to his car. They don’t talk and Doyoung feels kind of awkward.

The atmosphere gets better, when Samuel asks him how he had been since the last time they had seen each other. 

Doyoung gladly talks about how nothing really had changed and how much fun he had actually getting some work experience at the hospital. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Samuel listens contently, throwing in some questions here and then. But for the most part he just lets Doyoung talk. Which isn’t as bad as it could’ve been. Doyoung feels comfortable around him and it feels good to talk to someone who’s not Jaehyun, Kun or Ten for once. 

Maybe he really should try going out like Kun had told him to.

The restaurant Samuel had chosen is very nice. It’s small and cozy and it reminds Doyoung of home. Like not Korea, he has never really lived there, but his parents house. The house he grew up in.

“It’s really nice here.” He comments, when they sit down.

“It is!” Samuel agrees. “ I would say it’s the reason I moved to this neighborhood, but that would be a lie. I actually only found it a couple of months ago. But ever since then I’ve become a regular. I really miss homemade korean food.”

Doyoung easily agrees. If there’s one thing he misses, it’s his mom's cooking.

“How has life been treating you?” He asks Samuel after running out of things to say. 

“It’s been good!” Samuel tells him after ordering. He talks about how he was glad to start his residency soon. And that he had adopted a cat he found on the streets. Her name is Fiji.

And then their food comes and for a while they quietly eat. The atmosphere this time isn’t awkward anymore. It’s more comfortable. Doyoung very much prefers this.

“Doyoung? Can I be honest with you?”

Doyoung looks at him. “Yes sure.”

Samuel puts his chopsticks down and looks right into Doyoungs eyes. The latter freezes a bit.

“I know I said I wanted to catch up. But-” He pauses for a bit. “I also kind of wanted this to be a date, but I was afraid you’d just reject me again.”

The first thing Doyoung can think of is that Kun was right. He really hates it when Kun is right.

“A … Date?” Is all he manages to say.

Samuel seems embarrassed. “Yeah. I guess it’s embarrassing, but I still have a crush on you even though it’s been a while.” He scratches his neck and seems a lot less composed than earlier.

Doyoung can’t believe what he’s hearing. “A crush? … On me?”

“Yeah, that’s also why I helped you so much during your freshman year. At first I just thought you were really cute, but after spending some time with you, I realized I had feelings for you.”

Maybe it’s because no one ever has had a crush on Doyoung, but Doyoung can’t wrap his head around the confession. “Why though?” He finally replies, looking anywhere but at Samuel.

“I guess I like how hard-working you are and you really seem to love what you do. You’re also so open about your feelings.” He pauses again. “And you’re also very handsome, Doyoung.” He sheepishly adds.

Open about his feelings? That’s new to Doyoung.

“You don’t have to say anything back though.” Samuel adds hastily after Doyoung fails to reply to that. “I just wanted to be honest with you. I don’t expect you to say anything, really. It must be very sudden for you.”

Doyoung nods. There’s a lot of thoughts swimming in his head right now and he can’t sort them out properly.

“It’s just… I kind of think of this as my second chance.” Samuel continues.

“Oh?” Doyoung secretly hates he’s not able to say much else.

“Yeah, after you initially rejected me, I thought that was it. I thought I would get over you too. But I didn’t? And when I saw you again, I felt like the universe was giving me second chance and I should really try it this time. I know it sounds cheesy, but I don’t think I’m ready to give you up, Doyoung.”

Doyoung finally looks back at Samuel. 

“I don’t really know what to say right now. But I’m sor-”

“That’s okay.” Samuel interrupts him. “As I said, I didn’t even expect something. And please don’t say sorry. I just wanted to tell you this time so you don’t misunderstand my intentions. I feel like that was what happened the first I asked I asked you out.”

It’s like he can read Doyoungs mind. Doyoung takes a deep breath to sort out his thoughts. Samuel deserves an explanation. And he deserves to know how fucked up Doyoungs feelings are.

“Yes kind of.” Doyoung admits. “But there’s something you should know.” He stops. Not knowing how to properly start.

Samuel doesn’t push him, which Doyoung is thankful for.

“I’m kind of very much in love with my best friend.” Way to go, Kim Doyoung.

“Kun?” Samuel slightly frowns. “Wow, I never-”

“No, not Kun.”, interrupts Doyoung. His voice is slightly trembling“His name is Jaehyun. We’ve been best friends since kindergarten. I don’t think you’ve ever met him.”

“Tell me more about him.”

Doyoung looks at Samuel surprised. That’s the least thing he expected him to say.

“By the looks of it, it’s not going well with him. And I would like to be there for you, if you’d let me. I think I’m familiar with unrequited love.” Samuels smile is slightly painful, but unwavering.

Doyoung looks at his hands. Maybe talking to someone who doesn’t know Jaehyun is a good idea. 

“I always knew he didn’t feel the same way about me as I feel about him. But somehow during the past years I managed to get my hopes up because he was single and he never talked about finding someone and it was just us and I guess I hoped he would realize he doesn’t need anyone but me.” He shortly stops, taking a sip of his tea before he continues. “And about two months ago, we ended up in bed together after getting drunk. And we finally talked about me having feelings for him and about him not returning these feelings. And I promised myself I would get over him after that.” He scoffs. “Jokes on me though. Instead of getting over him, I got my hopes up even more because, well, he initiated whatever happened between us.”

Doyoung looks at his empty cup.

“A few days ago, he told me he met someone. A girl. Her name is Hyeji. And he really likes her. And I am a fool for ever thinking we could be something even though it was only subconsciously and I didn’t even realize it until Jaehyun told me about Hyeji and it felt like he was ripping my heart out of my ribcage.”

“I’m so sorry, Doyoung. My confession must have overwhelmed you even more then.”

“Kind of, yes.” Doyoung pauses. “But no one ever has really had a crush on me, so that’s also very new to me.” He adds sheepishly. “I’m sorry, that’s probably not how you expected your evening to go.”

“Definitely not.” Samuel laughs. “But I’m glad you were honest with me.”

“I’m sorry, having to reject you again.”

“Don’t be!” He pauses. “And you don’t have to reject me.”

Doyoung looks up, surprised, but also confused. “What?”

“What I’m saying is: You want to get over him, right? I can help you with that. Let me take you out!”

Doyoung blinks. That’s something he definitely didn’t expect to happen.

“Doyoung, I like you. And I would do everything for you. I trust you to not use me as a rebound, all I’m asking you is: consider it. I know your feelings for this Jaehyun guy run deep. But all he’s been doing to you, unintentional or not, is hurting your feelings. I want to show you what you really deserve. If you let me.” 

It’s probably the worst idea, Doyoung has ever heard. But isn’t this also what Kun had told him to do? 

But the last thing he wants is to hurt Samuels feelings.

“I don’t know if this is such a good idea. I don’t want to hurt your feelings and I have a bad feeling about this?”

“Doyoung.” Samuel takes Doyoungs hand in his. He looks him right into the eyes. He seems dead serious. “I know this could end up hurting me. But I want to try. I also want to help you. I see how much this is affecting you and I know you want to get over him. So let me help you. You said no one ever has had feelings for you. Which means no one ever showed you what it feels like to like you. And I want to do that. I want to show you what it feels like. Because you deserve this.”

“I-”

“Just think about it. Please.”

Doyoung nods. “Okay.”

Samuel brings him home and catches Doyoung off guard by placing a soft kiss on his cheek. “Don’t think about it long. I’ll wait.”

Somehow Doyoung knows he means he will wait either way.

He doesn’t know what to do.

…

Doyoung can’t sleep. Samuels words keep replaying in his head and the longer he thinks, the more he actually wants to agree. His rational side knows it’s a shit idea. Doyoung is still in love with Jaehyun and it’s not going to change over night. But he can’t help, but think how nice it would be to have someone genuinely like him.

He knows Kun would advise him to do it.

But can he really? 

Is he ready to take the risk of hurting Samuels feelings like that, of possibly leading him on? Is he really that kind of person?

He can’t help, but think of Jaehyun. Would he be happy if Doyoung were to tell him about Samuel? He probably would. He definitely would. He would be over the moon. He’d be so happy about Doyoung finding someone.

But Doyoung shouldn’t decide this based on seeing Jaehyun happy. Which is probably his problem all together. He always thinks about Jaehyun first. Isn’t it time to think about himself first for once?

Thoughts over thoughts are running through his head, it’s making him all dizzy. He gives up on sleeping and sits up. He should think about this rationally. 

He wants to get over Jaehyun. And it was Samuels own idea. And he likes Samuel. If Jaehyun wouldn’t be in his life, he could actually see himself falling for Samuel. Samuel is nice, good-looking and he always makes him feel like every word Doyoung says matter. 

Maybe it’s a sign he should try it?

Yes, it is a sign, Doyoung decides once and for all.

He’s going to try it. 

He’s going to say yes to Samuel.

And hopefully he won’t regret it.

:-)

“I really can’t come to your band practice?” 

Jaehyun shakes his head. “I’m sorry, Hyeji. It’s just the boys don’t really like strangers at practice, maybe later when they all got to know you better.”

She pouts and Jaehyun finds it adorable. But he’s also kind of glad when they’re parting ways in a bit. It’s been a while since he has been in a relationship and he is not going to lie: It takes time to get used to it again. For the past years it had only been Doyoung and the band for him and he kind of still needs to get used to a new presence in his life. But it’s normal, right?

“Call me when you’re done. I’ll be waiting.” She leans up, placing a small kiss on his lips. He likes how tiny she is. At first it was weird, having to bend down for a hug since Doyoung is almost his height, but he got used to it.

Jaehyun smiles, gripping her waist, pulling her close and presses his lips firmly on hers. 

They kiss for a bit before they say goodbye.

…

“Look, who’s gracing us with his presence today.” 

“I’m not even that late.” 

“That’s true. At least he’s here.”

Jaehyun rolls his eyes. “I told you I’d take a day off to take Hyeji on a date. It’s not like every single one of you has been doing this at one point with their partners. Seokmin especially.

Seokmin opens his mouth, most likely to protest even though it is the truth, but he doesn’t get to say anything because Eunwoo storms through the door of their practice room, grinning like a madman.

“I did it! We did it! We really did it!”

“We did what?” Mingyu looks up confused.

“I just got off the phone with Neo Zone Records.” Eunwoo begins, but gets interrupted by Minghao and Bambam, who stumble through the open door, apparently looking for something.

“Has someone seen my sketchbook?” Bambam asks, crouching down on the floor trying to take a look at what’s under the couch. Probably just a lot of dust.

“You better find it soon, we need to get to work immediately if we want to have some incredible designs.” Minghao rushes to the table, setting up his iPad, already busying himself with sketching.

“Okay, what the hell is going on?” 

“As I was saying, before I got rudely interrupted, and no I haven’t seen your sketchbook, you probably forgot it on the toilet again.” Eunwoo glares at Bambam. “I was talking to Neo Zone records and I have some amazing news.”

“It’s not my fault I get creative in the bathroom.” Bambam mumbles under his breath, having given up looking under the sofa and instead looks through their record collection. Jaehyun somehow doubts it’s there as well.

“Stop interrupting me, dude?!” 

Bambam ignores Eunwoo and hastily flips through the vinyls.

“Eunwoo, get to the point man.” 

“Yes, of course. Drum rolls, please, Gyu.” 

Mingyu dutifully starts a drumroll.

“We are …. going on tour!!”

“We are WHAT?” Mingyu drops his drumsticks.

“On tour! Limitless are going on tour and since they’re your labelmates and it’s going to their first big north american tour, Neo Zone has decided we should be their support.” Eunwoo finally fills them in.

Jaehyun can’t explain how he feels. He can’t wait to tell Doyoung about this, he’s going to be so happy for them. For Jaehyun.

“You’re not joking, right? This is not a hidden camera, right?” Jeongguks face is incredibly pale, fearing it might all just be a huge prank. 

“Would we go crazy over designs right now, if it were a joke?” Minghao replies annoyed, not looking up from his design.

“Oh my fucking god. We’re going on tour. We’re going on a fucking tour in our home country.”

This is big for them. They’re still such a small band and even though they’ve existed since high school and released EPs even unsigned, they’re still small compared to most bands in the industry. The only tour they’ve ever done was a small road trip in their state. They usually only play small gigs in their city. And now they’re about to release their first album under their first record label and they’re already booked as a support act for one the most promising bands their scene has to offer?

That’s more than wild.

Limitless had released their first record under Neo Zone just last year and kind of hit the scene by storm and they had fans all over the world now.

“Fuck, I can’t believe this is happening.” 

They pull each other in a group hug.

This is the chance to get their music more out there, to be recognized by new people, to get new fans, to live their dream.

Jaehyun is overwhelmed with the happiness he’s feeling. When he dropped out of college to focus on music full time, a lot of people told him he made the wrong decision and that the band would never get recognized. But now he can prove them all wrong.

The only person, who has always been more than supportive of his dream and his passion to create and play music, is Doyoung. He can’t wait to tell him.

“Okay, do we have dates already? We need to plan this all out.”

“No worries, they’re still looking for venues, but obviously I’ll keep you updated.” Eunwoo is already back on his phone, probably already doing manager things. 

“Guys, I need to call Doyoung. He’s going to be so happy for us.” Jaehyun excuses himself, phone already in his hand.

He steps outside the room and dials his number.

But the call goes straight to voicemail.

Jaehyun frowns. He checks the date, but he’s a hundred percent sure Doyoung doesn’t have to work today. Of course the latter could be working on an essay or something, but he never turns his phone off and always picks up Jaehyuns calls.

He tries it again. Voicemail again.

He’s stares confused at his phone and tries to remember if Doyoung had said something about today, but nothing’s coming up in his memories. Sure, they haven’t seen in each other a lot lately, which is weird itself, especially because Doyoung for once is the busy one, but they still talk to each other every day.

But Jaehyun does miss seeing his face. He misses Doyoung overall, he realizes.

So he tries it for a third time, but the call just goes to voicemail again.

“Jae? Are you done? We want to start practice?” Mingyu calls for him, sticking his head out the door.

“Huh? Yeah I’m coming.” Jaehyun replies not really listening to what Mingyu is saying.

“Dude, are you okay?” Mingyu asks concerned. “Doyoung was happy, right?”

“I don’t know.” Jaehyun answers, still confused. “He didn’t pick up.”

Mingyu just shrugs. “Maybe he’s just busy. Don’t overthink, Jae.”

Jaehyun doesn’t bother replying. Mechanically he picks up his guitar, plugs in his cable and starts tuning. He knows he’s currently out of it and should concentrate on practice, but he can’t help and tries to think of reasons why Doyoung has turned off his phone.

He can’t come up with anything. As far as he remembers they’re better than ever. They talk every day and he knows Doyoungs schedule better than his own.

He’s so deep in thought that he doesn’t realize the rest of bandmates keep throwing him some concerned glances.

“Okay, Jae what the fuck is going on with you.” Yugyeom stops playing, causing everyone else to stop too, and frowns at his friend.

Jaehyun shrieks and looks up.

“Doyoung hasn’t answered his call.” Mingyu helpfully supplies.

“Okay and that’s what got your pants twisted?” Jeongguk raises his eyebrows.

“He’s not just answering, his phone is off and it’s never off.” Jaehyun is aware of how pouty he sounds, but he was so excited to tell Doyoung.

“Maybe his battery is empty. I don’t see the big deal.” Seokmin tilts his head.

“No, you don’t understand. He is at home today because he has a day off, there’s no reason to have an empty battery.”

“How can you be so sure he’s hasn’t gone out? Just because he has a day off, it doesn’t mean he can’t go outside.”

“But Doyoung never does.”

“Maybe he’s on a date. I always turn my phone off when I have a date.” BamBam, having followed the conversation for a while now as he decided it’s more exciting than his designs, thinks out loud.

Jaehyun freezes for a second. “A date?”

“Yeah, those thingies you have been going on with, what’s her name again? Hyunji?” Minghao replies.

“Hyeji.” Jaehyun automatically replies, seemingly not being able to wrap his head around the idea of Doyoung going on a date. “Why would he go on a date? And why wouldn’t he tell me?”

“Because he’s single and ready to mingle? Come on, Jae, it’s not a sin for him to go on a date. And sometimes you need to figure out things for yourself without a best friend breathing down your neck.” 

“But I talk to him about Hyeji a lot?”

“People are diff-” Seokmin starts.

“Wait, you talk to him about Hyeji?” Jeongguk interrupts. 

“Yes? Of course I do, she’s my girlfriend.” Jaehyun looks at Jeongguk as if the latter had suddenly grown three heads.

His bandmates share a look.

Jaehyun raises his eyebrows. “What? I can’t talk to my best friend about my girlfriend? I talk about her a lot, you should know that?”

“Actually we don’t.” Mingyu decides to reply. 

“What are you talking about? I talk about her all the time?” 

“Maybe to Doyoung and okay he’s your better half, we know, but you haven’t talked about her one bit except for the day you told us you were dating. I only know about a bit about her because of Maya since they’re friends.” Yugyeom says. 

“To be honest, Jae…” Jeongguk shares a look with Eunwoo, who just sighs and nods. “There’s something we should probably talk about.”

Jaehyun feels cold all of a sudden. “You’re not kicking me out of the band, aren’t you?”

“What?” Seokmin exclaims. “Jaehyun, you idiot, as if we could ever want that.”

“No, Jae, it’s about your recent…” Jeongguk pauses. “I don’t know how to word it properly, … I guess recent behaviour?”

“My recent behaviour?”

“Yeah. For the past like three month you’ve been acting weird. Like more weird than usual.” Jeongguk says carefully. “Like you kind of started to mention Doyoung a lot more than usual. I don’t know, I think I’ve heard you say his name more than I’ve seen you. And yes, you’ve always talked about him a lot. But it just got out of hand? You’ve also got clingier with him. Which, by the way, you just proved again by freaking out about him not answering his phone. And well we all thought, oh maybe he has finally realized his feelings. But then you said you had a girlfriend all of a sudden, but other than her name, we know nothing about her because you just never talk about her.”

He stops for a second. Apparently thinking about what to say next.

“We know how you get, when you like someone, Jae.” He continues, before stopping again, not knowing how to break to him that Jaehyun acts more like he’s in love with Doyoung than his actual girlfriend.

“So yeah it just seems weird to us.” Jeongguk decides to finish. 

Jaehyun doesn’t know what to say. Has he really been clinging to Doyoung more than usual recently? He doesn’t think so. 

“Look guys, thanks for your concern, even though I don’t know what exactly you’re concerned about, but I’m very happy with Hyeji and I’m sorry I tend to worry about my best friend.” He’s aware it comes out a lot more aggressive than intended, so he takes a deep breath and smiles at them. “If you want, I’ll introduce you guys. We can go out for dinner or something. Yugyeom can bring Maya too.”

“You could’ve just taken her to band practice.” Eunwoo says. “You know we don’t mind that. We all do it all the time”

But somehow Jaehyun doesn’t want that. He doesn’t know why, but he knows it doesn’t feel right to show her this.

Jaehyun doesn’t reply and Seokmin takes this a sign. “Come on, guys. Let’s continue, otherwise we’ll embarrass ourselves on our first tour and I don’t think any of us want that.”

…

Later that night, Jaehyun can’t stop thinking about what his bandmates had said to him about Hyeji. He feels they’re wrong though. He’s happy with her. Sure, she’s not Doyoung, but it’s easy to get along with her and she’s cute and shares a lot of his interests. They’re similar, unlike Doyoung and him.

And isn’t it normal to worry about your best friend, especially when said best friend acts weird?

Jaehyuns phone on his nightstand lights up and starts vibrating.

Doyoung. Finally.

Jaehyun scrambles to get up and answer the call. “Doie!” He exclaims.

“Jae, hey, sorry I just came home. You called?”

Jaehyun feels giddy hearing Doyoungs voice. He sounds a bit exhausted though. Maybe he got called in work, Jaehyun wonders. Happens to everyone at one point. Did he really worry for nothing?

“Yeah I did, I have some big news.” He can’t contain his excitement.

“Yeah?” He can hear Doyoung yawning at the other end of the phone. “Sorry, Jae, I’m super tired.” 

Jaehyuns smile softens. He can imagine Doyoung in one of his soft oversized sweaters, sitting cross-legged on his bed, sleepy. He feels his heart swell at the thought.

“Maybe you should go to sleep then.”

“But your news?” Doyoung protests sleepy.

“Can wait until tomorrow. Do you have time to meet?” Jaehyun replies.

“Hmm, you can come over whenever.”

“Okay, I’ll hold you that. Sleep well, Doie.” Jaehyun says softly. He’s getting sleepy as well. The effect a tired Doyoung has on him.

“Good night, Jae.” 

Jaehyun continues to smile at his phone even though the call has already ended. He’s just glad he got to hear Doyoungs voice today. And sleepy Doyoung at that. It’s the cutest.

His phone screen lights up again, this time it’s Hyeji.

“Hey Hyeji.”

“Jaehyun!! I was waiting for your call!” He can hear her pouting through the phone.

“I’m sorry, I just got home.” It’s not exactly the truth because he honestly forgot about it. His mind being too full with what happened at practice today and the whole Doyoung situation. 

“It’s okay. I could’ve called earlier as well. How was practice?” She continues to ask him questions. Jaehyun yawns, he’s really getting tired, but she doesn’t seem to notice. 

Doyoung always does. He notices every single thing about Jaehyun.

He answers her questions dutifully and can’t help, but feel a little bit annoyed about how she won’t stop rambling. It’s sweet she’s so interested in his life and he probably should feel more grateful, but he’s tired and wants to go to sleep.

“Hyeji? I’m sorry, but I’m getting really tired.” He interrupts her at one point, feeling slightly bad, but he hasn’t been able to really listen to her rambling for a while now and it feels unfair towards her.

“Ahh, I’m sorry. I talk too much sometimes.” She lets out a laugh. “Are you free tomorrow, though?”

Jaehyun shakes his head, even though she can’t see him. “I’m spending the day with Doie tomorrow, we haven’t seen each other in a while.”

“Doie? … Ah your friend from high school?”

“My best friend.” Jaehyun replies, fully aware he’s frowning, but that’s something she should’ve remembered.

“Oh right. Okay, but call me when you're home, I still want to hear your voice.”

“Yeah. Good night, Hyeji.”

“Sleep well, Jaehyun, sweet dreams.”

He hangs up.

That conversation tired him out. He lays back down on his band, not bothering to set an alarm.

The last thing he thinks of before falling asleep is how excited Doyoung will be when he tells him about their tour tomorrow.

What Jaehyun fails to realize is: he hadn’t told Hyeji about the tour. He hadn’t even thought about telling her. 

As usual, Doyoung was the only one in his mind.

:-)

Jaehyun doesn’t know why he’s feeling so excited the next morning. He jumps up and down while waiting for the elevator to get up to Doyoungs floor.

He almost punches in the code combination to open the door to Doyoungs apartment, but stops himself at the last second before gently pushing the numbers.

He smells Doyoung is awake before he sees or hears him. It smells like waffles, bacon and eggs. Which is good because Jaehyun hasn’t had breakfast yet.

“Good morning, Doie.” He belts out happy. 

“Someone’s in a good mood.” Doyoung notes dryly. 

Jaehyuns smile broadens. “Yes. Because I have exciting news. And you’re making breakfast, so all in all, my life is pretty good right now.”

Doyoung laughs.

It’s sounds refreshing in Jaehyuns ears. It’s so different compared to Hyejis. He likes Doyoungs laugh more he decides. 

He scolds himself. He shouldn’t compare his best friend to his girlfriend. Even if it might be true.

“I actually have some news too, but you can go first.”

Doyoung has already set up the table. Jaehyun plops down on his usual seat, accepting the steaming coffee, Doyoung holds out for him. “News? What kind of news?”

“You’ll see.” Doyoung rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling. “Now tell, what’s got you so hyped?”

“Okay.” Jaehyun really can’t contain himself any longer. “We’re, 97 Squad, …” He pauses for dramatic purposes.

Doyoung looks at him impatient. “Jae, come on, spit it out.”

Jaehyuns grin is impossibly wide. “We’re going on tour. We’re going to support Limitless on their first North American tour!!”

Doyoungs eyes open up wide, he opens his mouth, closes it. The next thing Jaehyun knows is Doyoung getting up, throwing his arms around Jaehyuns neck.

“Oh my god, I am so so proud of you, Jae. You guys deserve this so much.”

The position is kind of awkward with Doyoung hovering over him, having his arms around Jaehyuns neck, but neither of them cares. Jaehyun pulls Doyoung closer so the latter is almost sitting on his lap.

They don’t let go of each other for a while. Jaehyun basks in Doyoungs warmth. It feels familiar. It feels like home.

“God, Jae, that’s fantastic. I can’t believe this. Do you think I get off time for this, so I can accompany you guys?” Doyoung is the one, who breaks out of the hug first. He steps back and sits down on his seat again.

“I don’t think you will, but thanks.” Jaehyun grins.

“Yeah I don't think I can do it either. “ Doyoung smiles at him. “I am so proud of you, Jaehyun. You can show everyone now, that pursuing music for a living was the right decision.”

Jaehyun lights up. “Thank you. That means a lot. I was only able to make it because you always believed in me, in the band. You never gave up on me or told me my decision was wrong. I couldn’t done this without you.” Jaehyun is aware he’s getting teary-eyed, but Doyoung doesn’t look better and they’re allowed to get sentimental at times like these.

“Always. I always knew you could do it. That all of you could.”

For a moment they just stare at each other, thinking of the hardships they went through together and how these only got them closer in the end.

“Anyways.” Jaehyun clears his throat. “What did you want to tell me?”

“Oh yeah, right.” Doyoung puts down his fork and looks at his fingers, who he keeps twisting. He seems nervous.

“I’m kind of seeing someone.” He finally says.

Jaehyun feels as if someone had poured a bucket full of ice water out over his head. “You.-”

“His name is Samuel. I think I mentioned him before? He’s that senior, who helped me out a lot when I first started med school.” Doyoung continues without looking at Jaehyun. “Turns out he had a crush on me back then. I hadn’t seen him for a while, but I ended up meeting him again. And he asked me out again and things have been developing from there, I guess? We’re not really dating, but we’re seeing each other.”

Jaehyun feels his throat tightening up. What about me, what about your feelings for me, he wants to ask. But that wouldn't be fair. He doesn’t even know why he feels like this. Why he thinks like that when he should be over the moon Doyoung apparently had found someone. So why does his heart sting like this?

“That’s amazing, Doie.” It’s not. 

“I am so happy for you!” He’s not.

“Thanks. It’s all very new, but I have a good feeling about it. I really like him.”

Jaehyun smiles at him, while Doyoung pulls him into another hug. He subconsciously pulls him closer. He doesn’t want to let go of him.

But what does that even mean?

“Guess, we can go on double dates now.” Jaehyun says. Why is he saying this? He doesn’t want to go on a double date with Doyoung and that Samuel person. He doesn’t even want to meet Samuel.

“Please no, double dates are tacky.” Doyoung replies.

…

The rest of the day is weird. Jaehyun had been so excited to spent time with his best friend, but somehow he couldn’t enjoy it at all. All he kept thinking off was Doyoung with someone who wasn’t him. 

Which doesn’t make sense because Jaehyun has a girlfriend and he likes her. He should be happy for Doyoung.

So why isn’t he?

He leans his head against the bus window. He feels weird. And it’s not a good weird. 

He feels his phone vibrating. It’s the third time within ten minutes, but he doesn’t bother picking up. He doesn’t feel like talking to people right now at all.

When he arrives home, his phone is vibrating again, annoyed he looks at the caller and recognizes Hyeji has been trying to reach him all this time. How could he forget her again?

He takes a deep breath, so he doesn’t sound too annoyed.

“Hey.”

“Don’t hey me. Why haven’t you picked up? I’ve been trying to reach you for god-knows-how-long?” She sounds kind of angry, which agitates Jaehyun even more.

“I was busy. Sorry.” He answers shortly.

“Sure.” She doesn’t seem to believe him.

He really doesn’t want to deal with that right now. 

“Look, I am not really in the mood to talk to anyone right now.”

This seems to agitate her, as her voice becomes louder and squeaky. “Anyone? I’m not anyone, I’m your girlfriend?!”

“You are, but I still don’t want to talk to you, right now.” Jaehyun hangs up. He knows it probably was very stupid, but he’s really not in the mood to argue with her. 

He throws his phone on his bed and slides down his bedroom door. He buries his head in his hands. He really doesn’t know what’s going on with him right now. He doesn’t know why he feels like a ticking time-bomb, ready to explode right this second.

He tries to take deep breaths, but it’s not really helping.

Blindly he tries to find his guitar. He knows music is the only way to get him out of this mood.

He strums a few chords on his guitar, he keeps playing until his fingers find new combinations, combinations that sound good together. He scrambles up to look for his phone, ignoring the missed calls and angry text messages from his girlfriend, he just wants to record this chord progression because it sounds good and he doesn’t want to lose it.

He keeps on repeating the chords, emptying his head. At first it’s working, but then a familiar face keeps manifesting in his head. He subconsciously smiles. He sees Doyoungs sparkling eyes when he talks about something he likes. Sees the smile that makes him feel all giddy and happy.

Doyoung makes him happy.

He opens his eyes and his glance falls on a picture on his wall. It’s from their high school graduation. They’re both wearing bright smiles, their arms around each others shoulders.

Jaehyun can’t look away. He wishes Doyoung could be right next to him. Where he belongs.

Before he knows it there are words forming in his head. His hands reaching out for a pen and a notebook, he finds himself scribbling down words and words and words.

“I saw your face in a photograph, oh how I wish that it could talk back.”

Jaehyun can’t stop writing, words over words tumbling out, images of Doyoung flimmering through his mind, bringing down his most hidden feelings on this piece of paper.

…

Jaehyun hasn’t slept on bit, when the morning sun shines through his closed blinds.

He had spent the entire night composing and writing lyrics, tweaking chords and words that didn’t seem to fit.

And how he just keeps staring at the sheet in front of him. Crossed out chord progressions and words replaced with new one, he seemed as more fitting in his Doyoung-clouded mind.

He doesn’t know what all of this means, he just knows he needs to show this to his bandmates. They seem to know more about his own feelings than he himself.

 He texts their group chat and doesn’t wait for any responses. He knows they’ll come as soon as they see the message.

When he arrives, Seokmin is already there, half asleep. Jaehyun is not surprised, Seokmin lives the closest to their studio.

“Hey.” Seokmin smiles sleepily at him. “I hope this is important.”

Jaehyun just nods, getting his guitar out of its case. He starts tuning it even though it’s not really necessary, but he needs his hands to do something, otherwise he fears they’d just shake uncontrollably.

“Good morning.” Mingyus voice booms loudly through the room. To awake for eight am. 

“I will never understand how you’re so high spirited early in the morning.” Seokmin yawns.

Minghao and Jeongguk, who stumble through the door next, agree as well. They both look they just stumbled out of bed. Which they probably did.

Bambam and Yugyeom arrive together since they share an apartment, Yugyeom is dressed in an old pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, whereas Bambam looks like he’s ready walk down the catwalk.

Eunwoo arrives last, but that’s also nothing out of the ordinary.

“Okay, so care to tell you, why you called for an emergency band meeting on this fine saturday morning?” Eunwoo plops down in one of the armchairs.

Jaehyun pulls out his lyric sheet, his hands slightly shaking. “I think I need some help, guys.”

His voice is shaky, unsteady and he closes his eyes, trying to calm himself. He doesn’t even know why he’s like this. These are the people he trusts the most apart from Doyoung. 

But at the same time he does know why he’s nervous. He’s nervous about what they’ll say. What they’ll tell him. 

But he needs this. He knows.

He takes another deep breath, but before he can continue, Yugyeom has already broken the silence. “Has it anything to do with Hyeji?”

They’re all looking at him now. He just shrugs his shoulders. “Hyeji apparently called Maya last night since, you know, they’re best friends. And Maya called me afterwards since, well Jaehyun is one of my best friends. But yeah apparently Hyeji was crying and said you guys had a fight?” He glances at Jaehyun. But it’s not judgemental, just curious.

“I guess we did. I wasn’t very nice to her, when she called last night.” Jaehyun admits.

“What happened? You rarely lose your temper?” Minghao asks concerned.

So Jaehyun tells them about the past days. About how he couldn’t stop thinking about what they had told him at band practice the other day, when he had been so out of everything. And about yesterday and meeting up with Doyoung, who had told him he was seeing someone and how Jaehyun had felt something inside of him break.

He tells them how agitated he had been when he came home and how he couldn’t handle Hyejis call because he didn’t want to talk to people at all.

And finally. “I was so angry and the only thing I knew could help me was writing, so I might have written a new song and that songs is confusing the hell out of me cause I don’t know what it means.”

“You don’t know what it means?” Mingyu carefully asks.

Jaehyun wordlessly pulls the guitar onto his lap, giving his lyric sheet to Jeongguk and starts to play. He knows the song by heart by now.

When he finishes, it’s silent.

The boys are all sharing looks, Jaehyun can’t decipher what they’re thinking.

“The way you just sang this … I think you already knows, what it means.” Seokmin starts carefully.

Jaehyun looks down. It hurts them to see him so vulnerable, so unsure.

“Jaehyun, look at me.” Jeongguk continues. Jaehyun looks up. “I know liking your best friend can be a very scary thing.”

“I don’t-” Jaehyun doesn’t continue.

“Think about it. And tell me honestly. Who was the first person you wanted to tell about us going on tour.”

Jaehyun doesn’t even need to think about it. “Doyoung. But that’s because he’s always believed in me, in us and he deserved to know first. He has always supported us.”

“That’s true. Okay, but who’s the first one you would call in case of emergency?”

“Doyoung.”

“And who was the one you thought of when you wrote this song?”

Jaehyun looks down, his voice not louder than a whisper. “Doie.”

Jeongguk smiles. “I think you have your answer.”

“I like Doyoung.”

Seokmin smiles. “I think you not just like him.”

“But I can’t like Doyoung? Where is this even coming from? He’s my best friend, I’ve never had romantic feelings for him.”

“I personally think you’ve always kind of been in love with Doyoung.” Eunwoo chimes in. “Just think about it. You two have always been together, there’s no Jaehyun without Doyoung and vice-versa. You’ve always looked at him differently. He’s the most important person in your life. I just think you misinterpreted the way you feel about him for non-romantic when they’ve always been from romantic nature.”

Jaehyun lets it sink in.

He’s in love with Doyoung. He’s in love with Doyoung.

He feels giddy.

But then he remembers something. He swallows hard. “It doesn’t matter though. Doyoung has moved on. I’m too late.”

He feels a big lump in his throat.

Mingyu sits down next to him and pulls Jaehyun in a side hug. 

“I wouldn’t be too sure of that. Doyoung has been in love with you for years. And don’t look at me like that, Jae, we’re not oblivious. Anyways, no one gets over someone that fast. I think he just got tired of waiting for you. Which I can understand.”

“But I can’t just confess to him out of the blue. He won’t believe me. So what can I do?”

“I think you know the answer to that yourself. Considering you wrote him a love song.”

“So?”

Seokmin stands up. “I think we should record the song. And I want it to be the first single we release if we get to do the deluxe edition of Drowning in the Unknown.”

“And then?” Jaehyun is still confused as to how that would help him confess to Doyoung.

“You send it to Doyoung, dummy. And write him a letter, where you explain yourself. You’re bad at confrontation, but you’re amazing with words when you write. This song is just another example of that.”

Jaehyun slowly nods. 

“Okay, then let’s not waste anymore time, we need to get the boy his man.”

“Maybe said boy should break up with his girlfriend first.”

Jaehyun starts to smile. He’s truly grateful for these people. It’s not going to be easy breaking up with Hyeji because he’s truly terrible at confrontation, but it’s necessary. 

Hopefully at the end of this, he can call Doyoung his boyfriend.

:-)

The doorbell is ringing.

Doyoung, who hasn’t slept that much since he had worked until late last night, struggles with untangling his bedsheets and almost falls out of bed.

Groggily he taps to the door, opening it, squeezing his eyes together to get a better look at whoever decided to interrupt his precious sleep.

It’s the mailman. Is that a rose in his hands?

Why is he giving it to Doyoung? Doyoung is dumbfounded.

“It’s not from me. I’m just the delivery dude.” The mailman says. He presses a letter and the rose in Doyoungs hands and leaves.

Doyoung closes his door and stares at the letter. There is no trace of who had sended this to him. But it seems like there’s something inside.

He opens it up and small usb-stick falls into his hands as well as a lyrics sheet and a handwritten letter. He frowns.

He puts the rose into a vase and sits down at the kitchen table, his laptop in front of him.

He takes a look at the lyric sheet and immediately recognizes Jaehyuns handwriting. His frown deepens. Jaehyun usually plays him new songs in person. 

Please listen to the song first, before your read the letter. 

Is written next to the title.

Doyoung plugs in the usb-stick into his laptop. There’s only one file on it. It’s called Favorite Place .

He clicks on it. 

Jaehyuns voice fills the room. The lyrics are beautiful. It’s very obviously a love song. Maybe for Hyeji? Probably for Hyeji. There are tears forming in his eyes. He’s not as over Jaehyun as he’d like to be.

He slowly unfolds the letter. Jaehyuns handwriting seems familiar and unfamiliar at the same time.

Dear Doyoung,

you might wonder, why I send you this song on an usb-stick instead of personally showing it to you. The truth is: I don’t think I could’ve sung this with you looking at me.

First of all, I want to say sorry. Again. I know you want me to stop apologizing and I promise you I will, just let me do this one more time.

I am so sorry, Doie. 

I’m so sorry you had to endure all this heartbreak because of me. Because I couldn’t admit to myself that there’s only one person in my life I love with all I have and always will have. Because I didn’t realize what was in front of me this whole time.

It’s you.

And this song ‘Favorite place’, I wrote it about you.

People say you only realize you love someone when you lose them. And I think it’s true. When you told me you were seeing someone I got so annoyed and angry at the world when I should’ve been happy for you. But I couldn’t be.

I didn’t understand at first. I didn’t understand the sting in my heart when I looked at you that day. 

I wrote the song later that night. I saw our graduation photo. And you were all I could think of. You’re always all I can think of.

And I’m sorry it took me so long to notice.

Shoutout to the boys as well, they talked some sense into me and made me realize some things.

You’re my favorite place, Doyoung.

You’re my home.

I am in love with you.

And I know I might be too late, but I guess I just wanted to tell you because you deserve to know.

Love,

Jaehyun

Tears are blurring Doyoungs vision, his hands violently shaking.

He wishes he couldn’t believe him. But he can. Because he knows Jaehyun and he knows he would never play with Doyoungs feelings. This is Jaehyun in his rawest form, having written a song for Doyoung. A love song.

He’s in love with Doyoung.

Doyoung is trying so hard to get over him, even going as far as agreeing to go out with someone else just for Jaehyun to realize he’s in love with Doyoung? In what kind of cheesy soap drama is he?

Doyoung wipes away his tears. He needs to think about this rationally. He can’t let his feelings cloud him.

Most importantly, he needs to talk to Jaehyun. And Samuel. Maybe he should talk to Samuel first.

…

Jaehyun is already waiting for him, sitting on the bench, they call their own in this small park which is halfway through both of their apartments. He’s playing around with his necklace, which is a guitar pick from his favorite band he had catched at one of their concerts. It’s a obvious sign he’s nervous.

Doyoung takes on last deep breath before approaching him, sitting down next to him.

“Hey, Doie.” Jaehyun says softly.

Doyoung smiles. “Hey, Jae.”

They know they should talk, but for now it’s just comfortable smiling at each other, sitting closer to each other, feeling the others presence.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to realize how much I’m in love with you. And I know I might be too late, but I wanted you to know.” Jaehyun finally says.

“I thought you were done saying sorry?” Doyoung takes Jaehyuns hand in his, tracing his thumb with his own.

Jaehyun pulls him closer, turning his head, so he can look Doyoung in the eyes.

“I’m in love with you, Doie. So incredibly in love.”

Doyoung softly touches Jaehyuns cheek, caressing it.

“I don’t know how you could ever think I could get over you. You’re the one for. You’ve always been the one for me. I love you.”

Jaehyun shines. His eyes are bright, is smile incredibly wide and it’s still Doyoungs most favorite sight in the world.

“That’s also what I told Samuel by the way. Just so we’re clear.” He adds.

Jaehyun pulls Doyoung incredibly close. “Same with Hyeji. Just so we’re a hundred percent clear.”

Doyoung smiles wide, he takes Jaehyuns face in both of his hands, caresses his cheeks and places his lips on Jaehyuns.

Kissing Jaehyun sober feels amazing. Kissing Jaehyun knowing Jaehyun loves him back, is the best feeling in the world and Doyoung knows he’s never going to let Jaehyun go. 

They part ways, a little bit out of breath.

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?” Jaehyun asks.

Doyoung rolls his eyes. “Yes, I want to be your boyfriend, I thought this much was clear.”

“Just wanted to make sure.” Jaehyun replies cheekly.

And then they stop talking for a while because their mouths are too busy doing something else.

:-)

“Thank you so much for coming early to see us! As a support act, you never really know how the crowd will react to you, so thanks a lot for listening to us tonight! We’ll be at merch later, so feel free to come and chat for a bit.”

The crowd cheers.

Jaehyun feels amazing. They’re halfway through their tour with Limitless and it’s the best thing he has ever done in his life. Well second best, the best thing was falling in love with Doyoung.

Being in a different city every or every two nights, playing shows for so many people is incredible and he knows he never wants to do anything else.

“Next up is Limitless, you guys were an incredible crowd, we’re 97 Squad and this song is called Wavelength, let’s do this…” Seokmin shouts into the mic.

The crowd is sweaty, there’s a moshpit, there are crowd surfers and they’re all having the time of their lifes.

…

Getting to watch Limitless live all the time is an amazing experience. They have so much stage presence and the crowd just goes wild.

That’s what Jaehyun wants for 97 Squad. 

“You did well, tonight.” A very familiar voice whispers into his ear. Arms are pulling Jaehyun into a back hug. There’s a chin on his shoulder.

“I’m sweaty.” Jaehyun says, but pulls the arms around his waist closer.

Doyoung places a soft kiss on Jaehyuns cheek. “Don’t care.”

Jaehyun smiles. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Doyoung still prefers quiet places and soft music. Jaehyun still prefers being in the center of attention and loud, heavy music.

But they’re still best friends and incredibly in love with each other.

“So can we close the space between us now

It's the distance we don't need (hey)

Yeah, you're everything I love about

The things I hate in me (hey)

So come on, come on, come over now and

Fix me with your grace

'Cause I'm not too far and you're my favorite place”