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My name is Kusuo Saiki, I’m 17 years old and I’m a Psychic. If you’re wondering why I’m telling you all of this it’s because the author is bad at intros, and also because this might be your first fanfiction in the series. If so, welcome. If not, you know the drill.
Right now, we’re visiting my grandparents and trying to eat dinner, but of course nothing can ever go that smoothly. Good grief. I can’t even catch a break on my day off.
In case you’re wondering what I mean, I hear someone’s thoughts at the door, and it might be best to bail out now but there will be hell to pay if I do.
And no, he wasn’t invited. Why is he here? God really does hate me.
Before I can escape Kusuke invites himself in. I’ve suddenly lost my appetite.
The uninvited guest shuffles in behind him with a wave. “Yo.”
The family stares at him blankly.
“Who’re you supposed to be?” The gruff old man speaking right now is Kumagoro Saiki, he’s my grandfather.
“This is my boyfriend.” Kusuke supplied ‘helpfully.’
Please don’t even joke about that.
That disgusting man standing in the doorway beside my brother is Makoto Teruhashi. He’s 10 percent movie star, 90 percent pervert and 100 percent unwelcome here. I’m so nervous! I’m meeting his family. This is the next big step in our relationship, right!?
Kill me now.
“I’m Toor- Makoto Teruhashi,” the bluenette explained, easily masking his internal panic. “It’s nice to meet all of you. Well, I’ve met some of you before but – ”
“You’re Big Ku’s boyfriend!?” Kurumi exclaimed. “Big Ku, you didn’t tell us about him.” She’s my mom, by the way.
“Since when were you two dating?” This pathetic excuse of an existence is my dad, Kuniharu Saiki.
“Yes, dear, and how exactly did that…happen?” And finally, my Grandmother, Kumi Saiki.
My grandfather’s idea of ‘how that happened’ flashed across the screen. In his mind a much scarier version of Makoto puts his hand on the wall near a much younger and innocent looking Kusuke’s head, “Hey cutie, why don’t we go somewhere private?”
“Okay!” Dream Kusuke chirped happily, much to the elderly man’s dismay.
‘Nooooooo!’ he screamed internally. That brute took advantage of my poor little grandson! Kusuke is so shy he was pressured into it by that smooth-talker, I just know it!
That’s not what happened.
Before Makoto can attempt to salvage the situation, Kusuke cuts in, “Oh, well we decided to get together after we did this and that and @#%$ and –” [This message has been auto-censored by the author for your convenience. You’re welcome.]
The women gasped in collective horror.
Makoto slapped a hand over Kusuke’s mouth with a nervous high-pitched laugh. “He’s kidding, he’s kidding.” He lowered his voice to whisper-shout in his boyfriend’s ear. “We’re trying to make a GOOD impression, remember?!”
This only served to anger the two men more.
Get your filthy mitts of my kid, you skeeze! Kuniharu shouted internally. He’s struggling to break a pencil. Where did he even get it?
Tsundere Grandpa’s head-canon is now even more dramatic. In his eyes a somehow even younger Kusuke is seated on a bed, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes while an ogerish and evil Makoto curls his arm around him possessively. “I don’t feel comfortable I wanna go home.” “Oh come on baby, you trust me, don’t you?”
He really was pressured into it! Just like that! He made poor Kusuke do all those horrible things. He’s a monster! I’ll kill him!
At this rate he really will kill him.
I’m not a violent man, but… Dad’s internal tirade continues.
Your son is the one to blame.
Did they really do all those things? Kurumi wondered, unaware of the chaos about to go down before her eyes. I want to be supportive, I just hope Kusuke wasn’t pressured into it.
It’s far more likely it was the other way around.
I know my husband is worried, but Kusuke totally threw himself at that poor bastard. How cute. He’ll fit right in, I’m sure of it.
Thank you, Grandma, you’re the only one who sees the truth.
Kusuke makes it worse again, worming his way out of his boyfriend’s hold. Without even saying a word he knocks the other man off balance, just enough for him to stumble, but not enough to fall, causing Makoto’s hand to brush against his ass for the whole family to see. Classy.
At that Kuniharu gets up to ‘greet’ him. “I’m Kusuke’s dad, Kuniharu Saiki, you already met me,” he extended a hand, pouring his cup of coffee on the idol like the petty man his is on purpose. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there. Oops. I’m so clumsy, let me get that for you. Oh, no. I don’t know what’s gotten into me today.” He continues to fumble around for a few seconds, making the idol more uncomfortable and stepping on his feet.
If you hate him just say so.
Makoto grabbed his arm with a tight-lipped smile. “It’s fine, sir. I’ll just take a shower when I get home.” Are you tryin’ to pick a fight old man!?
Now he’s getting heated too.
Kumagoro cheered him on internally. I still hate him, but I hate that guy even more. Keep going!
Don’t encourage him.
After the metaphorical smoke cleared Kusuke finally amended the situation with ease, wrapping his arms around Makoto’s neck and giving the older men his big puppy eyes. “I love him.”
He’s literally sparkling. But it works, the men give up the fight a little bit at the statement, and just as they’re starting to come to terms with it…
“Oh. We’re engaged by the way.”
“WHAAAATTTTTT??!!!”
“We are?”
“Are you sure?!”
“Haha, kidding.”
He’s going to kill them.