Chapter Text
It’s one of those moments where Gou momentarily spaces out.
Everyone’s having fun, throwing the animal floaties all over the place. The Iwatobi SC has been turned into a party event, just to commemorate the friendships that Samezuka and Iwatobi High made along the way. And now, Gou’s older brother Rin is counting the days of his stay in Japan, for when three days pass, he’ll be flying back to Australia to study hard and build his muscles —
Gou shakes her head. That’s not even the reason why she’s in deep thought at this very moment, anyway. She’s spacing out because not only will her brother be away, but he will be, too…
Tachibana Makoto, her senpai, the captain of the Iwatobi SC. In a few days, he’ll be leaving with Haruka-senpai to pursue whatever dreams they have. They’ve just finished looking for their own apartments in Tokyo and now it’s real. It kind of makes Gou sad to think of how people come and go, even in the closest of friendships. Her fist balls up the hem of her shirt, just thinking of the possibilities and the wasted opportunities in these past two years. Maybe her mom’s right all along. It’s in the end that you feel the regrets.
“Gou-chan, are you okay?”
There he is: Makoto, his smile ever so big and warm and genuine. Gou shakes herself awake from the deep thoughts she’s having, and smiles back. “Makoto-senpai!” she says, slowly bringing back the bubbly Gou of the usual days. “Yeah! Yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking about, you know, the seniors leaving and my brother leaving.”
Makoto sits beside Gou on the floor, where they’re overlooking the spectacle in front of them. Nagisa’s throwing the small Iwatobi Chan floatie at Rei, who’s screaming “STOP” at the top of his lungs. Everyone’s laughing, everyone’s happy. Haru can be found floating on his back, and just on the next lane is Rin, and it seems like they’re having a serious conversation about times and regimens and all the stuff they ever talk about.
Gou has never been the type to get too sad about things, but it’s just different now. It’s unlike the first time that Rin went away, because back then, she and Rin were not on close terms (although there were letters back and forth, it seemed that Gou never really understood how her brother felt back then). It’s just when he returned to Iwatobi and swam with the other guys again could Gou fully understand what it means for Rin to swim with friends and be supported by family, and now…
… now he’s leaving again. And Makoto-senpai’s leaving, too. Haruka-senpai, Sousuke-kun…
“You know, it’s not like we’re never going back home, Gou-chan.” Makoto laughs, just slightly, just enough for Gou to snap out of her second trance. “We’ll be studying in different parts of Japan and the world, but it doesn’t mean that we’re going to fully leave everything behind. That’s not what we’ve worked so hard for.”
It’s as if he could read through Gou’s mind! She gasps, brows furrowed together as she stares at her senpai. “You actually read my mind.”
“Reading your mind is not that hard, actually. I mean, everyone in the club has the same sentiments, especially Nagisa.” He laughs again. His laughter depletes into a sigh and he leans forward, as if watching the pool closely. “In a year, you’ll be doing this, too. Attending surprise parties, farewell dinners - all of this is sort of mapped out for everyone already. It’s just the matter of which road on the map it is that you’re taking that will really determine where you go from here.”
“So you chose the road that would support Haruka-senpai, instead of swimming alongside him, then?” asks Gou.
Makoto turns back to Gou, his smile etched from the laughter he had before. “I could never have the guts to compete against Haru in something serious. At least, with this road I’m taking, there’s a possibility that I can get to work with everyone again.” He stands, now, and gives Gou a light hair ruffle. “You know, we shouldn’t really be talking about the serious things right now. Let’s save this talk for another time, okay? Nagisa’s parents came over and bought ten boxes of pizza for everyone.”
Maybe he’s right. Maybe Gou should put off the sad thoughts and just focus on whatever it is that’s happening at the moment.
---
“Really, thank you for this.” Rin’s been saying this sentence loads of times now, to everyone who attended. Gou could see that he’s trying his best not to cry, but judging from her brother’s twitching pinky, he’s going to break anytime soon. In the nth time of him thanking people, Gou just sprints towards her brother and gives him the tightest hug she could possibly give, a first in a few months. That’s her response, her “You’re welcome, onii-chan.” to her brother, because she’d finally understood how important bonds were to her brother.
Almost everyone went home shortly after that, and only a handful of them are left waiting at the Iwatobi SC parking lot.
“Alright, I guess I have to finish up my packing,” Rin says, wiping his teary eyes. “You guys really outdid yourself. You even got a freaking Iwatobi-chan floatie, damn , how much did that cost?!”
Gou raises her hand eagerly. “There were a few spare funds from the school’s budget, since we won sixth place at the Nationals last year, so we used it to have a custom-made inflatable Iwatobi-chan especially for this event!”
“You shouldn’t be surprised, Rin-chan, since you have the magnificent Samezuka shark thing in your school, too!” Nagisa chimes in, giving Rin a playful poke.
And a bit of hell ensues, with people ruffling each other’s hair, and Rei shouting. Haru and Sousuke are just standing there, watching, having a serious conversation about swimming and injuries.
All that’s left are Gou and Makoto.
“I’ll miss this,” Makoto admits, his hands now deep inside his pockets, “and everything in between.”
Gou gives a playful pout. “Just hours ago, you were going on about you guys not really leaving.”
“Well, yeah. But I’m allowed to miss you guys, right?”
“I...I guess.”
There’s a bit of silence as they watch the others go crazy once more. This small group of people, this small family that Gou’s grown to be fond of these past few years, is slowly drifting away. But the bonds are stronger when people are apart right?
Right?
“Keep that in mind, Gou-chan.” Makoto reaches to once again ruffle Gou’s hair lightly. “I’ll miss this, and everything in between.”
With a last smile to Gou, he starts to walk away and wave, as he approaches Sousuke and Haru.
Everything in between .
----
The house feels empty now that Rin's gone.
No, the town feels empty now that all of them are gone.
It's weird, thinking about this as if the internet and text messaging don't exist. But the physical presence of everyone close to Gou just feels different than hearing their voices over the phone or seeing a text notification with their names on it. Everything is different, but as the club's manager, it's important for her to keep her stuff together and show zero signs of weakness. She gets up from her bed, visibly upset that it's the first day of many that she won't see the usual people she was used to seeing.
She won't be hearing Makoto-senpai's voice for a while, shouting Haru, don't swim in the fish tanks! when they're in malls.
She won't be hearing any of those wise words, or one-on-one wisdom sessions.
At least, not until the semester is over.
Graduation's come and gone, and papers have already been passed down from Makoto to Rei, so all should be fine before the new school year starts. She's preparing to recruit another manager, too, because Makoto-senpai's right. She'll also go through that phase of moving from high school to university, and she should definitely pass her notes down to someone who's capable enough to handle the muscles of the Swim World.
The world feels empty, so it definitely shakes Gou to the core when she receives a text.
[Tachibana Makoto Senpai]: I forgot to give you something for the swim club so I delayed my trip to Tokyo til tomorrow, can I come over?
"Oh no..." Gou mumbles, staring at the text over and over again. She spaces out, unable to make herself type a decent reply. Why would he come over alone? Why did he delay his trip to Tokyo? How about Haruka-senpai? Will Haruka-senpai approve of this?
Another text.
[Tachibana Makoto Senpai]: Haru's still here in Iwatobi, packing his things, so we're leaving together tomorrow. He's not responding though, so I think he's in the bath. I'm going there alone, is that alright?
"Oh, God..."
"Is there something wrong, Gou?"
She looks up and sees her mother peaking through the door, the full look of a concerned mother on her face. Gou hides her face in the nearest pillow, screaming.
“Gou,” her mother laughs, stepping aside. “If it’s boy problems, we can just talk about it over lunch, okay?”
And her mother steps away, leaving a very distracted Gou to slowly sit up from her embarrassing position and stare at her smartphone for a bit, all while assessing her feelings.
She won’t forget the time that she definitely, definitely knew she had a crush on Makoto-senpai.
----
Festival before the Nationals.
Gou had been hanging out with Chigusa during the whole festival, trying out all the sweets and watching the calligraphy presentations. It was a cool, relaxing summer night, and everyone was having fun. She’d ran into the boys while they were at it, and she heard the first-ever compliment Makoto-senpai had told her.
“You look good in your yukata. You look cute.”
By this time, Chigusa had known that Gou had found Makoto-senpai cute, but that was it. There should be no feelings attached, because they were a part of the same school club and it was an unwritten rule across all clubs to not partake in anything more than friendship. Gou thought it would definitely end there, in her finding Makoto-senpai cute. The cutest, really, out of everyone in the group. Because Haruka-senpai was too reserved, Rei-kun was too flamboyant, and Nagisa-kun was too loud…
Crap.
Chigusa noticed Gou spacing out, so she stood up for her friend. “So only our yukatas are cute?” Chigusa teased, leading both Gou and Makoto to laugh (although, in Gou’s defense, laughing during that time was just to hide the fact that she was super embarrassed).
A few hours had passed after that encounter. They’d already lost sight of the boys by then, and Chigusa was starting to get tired. Her mom was already by the parking area, waving at them, and Chigusa said goodbye to Gou with a hug, leaving her to wander off on her own since Rin had chosen not to go to the festival.
Gou decided to look for her team so they could have fun.
Her yukata provided warmth in the chills of the night as she strolled, following the crowd so that she’d be safe. That was what Rin advised her to do just in case he wasn’t there to save her - find a crowd, follow it, and make sure that you don’t look like you’re confused or scared. Those were things that Gou felt Rin learned during his stay in Australia. Survival of the fittest.
She finally got a glimpse of Rei and Nagisa by the shore, and she was about to call out their names. She had a small bag slung onto her arm filled with traditional Japanese candies for them to share —
— but she noticed that Rei and Nagisa were in a serious discussion, and she could see that Nagisa had just burst in tears. Knowing her friends, it wouldn’t be proper to come barging in and comfort Nagisa out of the blue, so she slowly backed off, praying that Rei would be enough of a comfort shield for Nagisa.
Maybe she should look for the senpais instead.
She could see a tall, familiar figure atop the long staircase where she and Chigusa would always watch some fireworks. Right now, some were going off, so she figured she’d go watch some fireworks with the familiar shadow. Instantly, in their years of being together as a group, Gou knew that the shadow would be Makoto-senpai. It was odd to see him alone, but it was better than not seeing anyone she didn’t know. Slowly, she climbed the stairs, and upon reaching the top, she noticed that Makoto-senpai was on the phone.
“Yeah, I told him...but he didn’t take it lightly. He got mad, actually…” Makoto chuckled. “But I knew this would happen. I should have told him sooner...yeah...yeah...but I just wanted him to know that everyone’s mapping out their own roads, you know? We’re all concerned for him. You’re concerned. I’m concerned. You know what I’m saying, right? If he truly wants to swim with you and everyone else, he should...yeah.”
Gou could only guess that her brother, Rin, was on the other end of the line, based on how Makoto-senpai was talking. Only Rin and Makoto would have a conversation as serious as this, especially if it’s about Haruka-senpai. It felt like she was intruding, so she hid first, behind one of the bushes, and waited for the call to end.
“No, I didn’t force him...but I actually...yeah, my voice raised a little bit. I guess he got shocked. I never raised my voice at him ever...really? You’d do that? Oh, man. I owe you one, Rin. I’m sorry for calling you too... yeah. It’s fine, I mean I’m at fault, here. If I can find a way to slip a note in his bag, I would... Gou? Well, I saw her a while ago, she was with Chigusa, yeah. Her friend from class. They’re okay, I’ll go see if I could find her. Thanks, man. I hope this all turns out okay…”
She heard a long beep. The call was over.
Slowly, she emerged from behind the bush, and walked towards Makoto. She hesitated, because she’d just heard something that could be very private, but if it involved their performance during the last leg of the school year, then she should be involved…
...and besides, she was the team’s Manager, after all.
“Makoto-senpai?” she mused.
Makoto raised his head from his phone and smiled. But this time, it was an unusual smile from her senior - it was a smile that could also mean sadness.
“Senpai, I don’t mean to intrude, but… was that my brother?”
“Yeah, that was Rin. I just asked him about something. I guess Rin will be the one to fix things. I’m hoping for the best.” He clicked the lock button on his phone and pushes it back inside his jean pocket, before leaning onto the metal railing to look at the fireworks. “Can I ask you something, Gou?”
“Sure, anything.”
“Have you and Chigusa ever fought?”
That was a random question, especially coming from Makoto-senpai. Gou furrowed her brows, trying to think of a serious instance. “Um, no. We’d have misunderstandings, like if she accidentally spills a secret and everyone in the class knows about it, so it embarrasses me...I won’t talk to her for a bit, but we’d eventually find a way to fill the in-betweens and make up. Because a misunderstanding doesn’t mean an end of a friendship, right?”
“Right.”
Gou offered a smile. “Whatever that was, if you talked to onii-chan about it already, then that should settle it. He and Sousuke always fought and would make up the same way Chigusa and I make up. It might take a few days, but when your bond’s strong, it wouldn’t affect your overall friendship.”
Makoto shifted a bit, before looking back at the younger to return the smile. This time, Makoto’s smile was back to that genuine smile, possibly upon hearing the words of Gou. It felt different, hearing the perspective of a friend who wasn’t involved in this whole scenario of things.
“Such big words from our trusty Manager.” Makoto laughed, now standing upright to gently pat Gou’s head. “Thank you. I mean, you’re right, about the bonds being strong. I’ll tell you guys about it on Monday.”
“Y-you’re welcome.”
“You know, you really look cute in your yukata.” Makoto stretched a bit, the comment leaving his lips as if it was a normal, proper sentence he’d usually tell Gou. “C’mon, Rin told me to bring you home. I’ll go text Rei and Nagisa to go home, too, since it’s getting late.”
Gou would then follow behind Makoto, down the stairs and to the train, then to the road going to her house. It was out of his way, but he still did it. On usual events, it would be either Rei or Nagisa who would take turns in taking Gou home, and on rare occasions, Rin would show up to pick her up instead. During the walk, Makoto made a few text messages to their teammates, informing them of what happened, and also adding that they would have an important meeting on Monday.
Once they reached the gate, Gou hesitated a bit, before turning to her senpai and bowing the most respectful 90-degree bow she has ever bowed to a boy in her life.
“Thank you for bringing me home!” she said, standing up as soon as her sentence was over.
“No need to be formal, Gou...chan.” Makoto chuckled. And, for the last time that night, he reached out to pat Gou’s head. “Go on inside, I’ll text Rin and let him know you’re home safe.”
-------
Thinking about the first time that Gou realized she has a crush makes her feel a bit stupid. For a person who loves reading romance books, her crush is the most cliche plot that has ever existed, and she isn’t proud of it. Why would she develop a crush on a boy that took her home all those months ago? Pathetic. Even Rin would probably laugh at her.
Maybe she should reply to the text.
[Matsuoka Gou]: You can come over this afternoon. Take care, Senpai!
What a stupid response.
Lunch becomes a blur for Gou; she didn’t get any response from Makoto after that, so she guesses it’s best to leave it behind. She’d already brushed her teeth and helped with the dishes, with a few minutes (or hours) to spare, so she does so by reading through a book on the muscular system. While reading through how to dissect a frog and label the different arm muscles, she hears the doorbell and announces to the house that she’d be the one to answer it.
He’s here.
“Hi, Gou-chan.” he smiles, waving his hand a bit. “As promised, I’m just here to drop these documents off-”
“- would you like to have some tea?” Gou cuts him off, and instantly regrets her decision since Makoto’s expression becomes a bit weird.
“Oh - okay, yes, sure. I have time.”
It doesn’t take a long time for everything to be set up. They’re in the dining area, sitting in front of each other, teacups in front of each of them. Gou has some cheesecake that she’s sliced up for the both of them, leaving some for her mom in the fridge. Her mom ‘has some errands’ and left the house upon seeing Makoto inside the house. What a coincidence, really; now Gou’s left to process that she’d singlehandedly invited her crush over for a cup of tea.
There’s a bit of silence, mostly from Gou, as Makoto fixes the paperwork he promised to bring. Gou notices that it’s a pile of freshly printed sheets, the first page being a simple regimen from what she could see. And there’s also an envelope, properly sealed with an Iwatobi Chan Sticker.
“Well, here they are - a training regimen for beginners, which I had printed from when I was searching for stuff to pass onto you guys. Our current training regimen’s suited for those who can already swim and are competing, so we need a different one if ever you guys encounter someone who can’t swim but wants to learn. And also, most of these documents are with Rei already, so you should definitely be aligned when the semester starts.”
“These are a lot , Senpai! Thank you for your effort.”
“I know you’re capable of this. These papers are just for added information, I mean, I’d still want you to make the regimen yourself because you know your stuff, Gou-chan, but let me know if I can still help you out. I might not reply as fast, since I’ll have some classes, but I’ll try to give you guys an extended help even if I’m already in Tokyo.”
“We’d appreciate it.”
Makoto takes a sip of his drink, before pushing the documents forward, towards Gou. “Now, as promised, and since you invited me over for tea, maybe we can continue our chat from when we were at the pool?”
“Oh - you remembered that!”
“Of course! You and your brother, you’re the only people I get to be as deep as this, you know.”
A conversation ensues. The topics range from Makoto and Haru’s friendship over the years, and why Rin’s the only one to understand Makoto’s sentiments, to university choices and why Makoto chooses to be along the sidelines instead of swimming in competitions.
“I’d like to think of myself as a catalyst,” Makoto says after his final bite of cheesecake. “Like, I’m the one igniting a spark in people’s hearts. I’m just passing my passion onto someone else, and I feel like it’s pressuring for the person who I’m passing my passion to...I wouldn’t want to feel that pressure, but I’d love to help the athlete to find the spark to push forward because of me.”
“I get what you mean. So, it’s safe to say that coaching kids with Coach Sasabe has ignited this passion in you, right?”
“Yes, it did. And this is so weird, excuse me, because I feel like we could be the same. You’re not into swimming but you know so much and you push the athletes to their limits, eventually making them better athletes from where they were yesterday. It’s a gift, Gou-chan, when you can truly help a person improve. Just look at Rei, what you did to help him has resulted in him getting into nationals.”
Gou doesn’t know how to properly handle compliments, especially if it’s Makoto...but she smiles. She smiles, and says thank you, in the smallest voice possible. “You think so, Senpai?”
“I know so. You’re great at this, Gou. Convincing people.”
There’s another silence, mostly because Gou’s trying her hardest to laugh discreetly while hiding the blush that’s going on her cheeks.
“I’m definitely going to miss this, talking to you about the deep stuff,” Makoto says, now on his last sip of tea.
“But...but we could text! And we could call! I wouldn’t mind!” Gou stuffs her mouth with the remains of her cheesecake. “I mean, if you’re not busy. I mean, I’ll miss this too!”
She’s being weird. And she’s being weird in front of him, and this isn’t okay.
Makoto just smiles. “Calls would be nice. I’ll definitely keep you in the know, because you’ve helped me through some tough decisions, especially this year.” His expression changes, noticing that there’s still the sealed envelope that he hasn’t discussed yet. “Oh! Before I forget, I’m leaving you with a personal note, too. It’s just some things that I feel you need, personally. I just noticed you kept asking me about university and deciding on things, and since I personally don’t have enough time to discuss it with you, I figured I’d just write you a handwritten note about the roads people take. I hope that’s fine.”
Gou picks up the envelope and flips it over, and for the first time she sees her name written using Makoto’s handwriting. “Matsuoka Gou,” it says on the paper. “For Matsuoka Gou’s eyes only.”
It’s not a gesture she’s used to receiving. Sure, she’s received letters from her brother before, and some from Sousuke, but this one’s different. Makoto says it contains things he wanted to say to Gou for a long time, regarding the future and the what ifs, things that Gou’s been curious about ever since Ama-chan Sensei’s been going back and forth to the pool to announce that a scout has seen Haru’s swimming. She’s been afraid of the future ever since.
Nothing is ever certain.
But even so, it won’t hurt to try.
“Thank you, Makoto-senpai.” Gou says. And, in a burst of emotion, she jumps up from her seat and goes to Makoto, giving him a tight hug. It’s once in a lifetime; you only live once, as the people on the internet say, and now’s the chance for Gou to show Makoto her gratitude. “You’ve been a good captain, a good friend.”
Slowly, Makoto returns the hug, giving a light chuckle. He isn’t surprised; he’s just calm, receiving this as if it’s normal.
And for now, Gou’s alright with this, being normal.