Chapter Text
Alan stared at the clouds that were rolling through the window in the psychologist’s office. It was supposed to be raining this evening, but he wouldn’t be there to see it. He would be back on Tracy Island with his family, safe and sound. The teenager wished that it would rain on the island though. It would match his mood far more than the bright, sunny days they had had for the last couple of weeks.
It had been a little over three months since Alan was rescued from the Hood and while he was now physically fine, he was nowhere near okay. Nightmares still plagued him most nights and he still never truly felt safe, even on the island, even with the Hood back to jail. And he was angry, so angry. He had done his best to hide it, to make sure his family didn’t see how much fury was inside of him, deep under the quiet and subdued attitude he had adopted since he came home from the hospital. It was getting harder and harder as more time passed though, and his Dad and brothers weren’t helping.
The blonde understood that his family had been terrified when he had been kidnapped by the Hood and that they were still very worried about him since he hadn’t really bounced back, but Alan was starting to fell as though he was being smothered to death. He barely had a moment alone. His brothers always came over to either ‘invite’ him to join them in whatever they were doing or suggest a family game or movie night. And if they weren’t doing that, they plainly asked if he was okay and they did that at least three times a day. It made him want to scream his head off, and he almost had several times already, but he managed to keep his mouth shut. He was actually a bit impressed with how much control he had gained over his emotions.
“You’re quieter today. Something on your mind?” The quiet, questioning voice of Megan Brooks, the psychologist Alan had been seeing once a week for the last six weeks drew his attention away from the window.
“Yeah, a bit.” Alan answered quietly, looking down at the floor. Even though this was now his seventh visit, he still felt slightly uncomfortable at times. Whenever he was in Dr. Brooks office, sitting on the couch opposite of her, he felt like he was a specimen being studied and at times, it felt like she could see right through him. He didn’t like that at all. However, he couldn’t deny that she was a really good listener, and was very kind, considerate and non-judgmental. It was why he had found himself slowly opening up to her more and more with each visit.
“Anything you’d like to talk about?” Dr. Brooks asked, staring at him intently and gently.
“Not really.” Alan replied. Just because he was, somewhat, starting to get a little comfortable talking to the psychologist, didn’t mean he was ready to share all that much. Dr. Brooks didn’t look upset, annoyed or frustrated, which Alan was sure his brothers and Dad would be doing by now if it was them sitting across from him.
“What’s the longest it’s ever taken someone to talk about what happened to them? Or can you not tell me that due to patient-confidentiality?” Alan suddenly questioned the doctor, looking up at her. Despite all the sessions he had with her, he hadn’t said much about what he went through when he was kidnapped. The only thing he said was that he had been kidnapped for ransom, which his Dad and the FBI already told her.
“Why do you want to know that?” Dr. Brooks then asked with a slight smile, her eyes full of curiosity.
“Just wondering if it’s normal for, kids who went through something like I went through to not talk about it even though they’re in therapy.” Alan answered.
“It’s completely normal, especially depending on what they all went through.” Dr. Brooks responded. Alan nodded, but didn’t say anything else as he looked down at the floor.
“Have you given any thought to my suggestion of group therapy?” Dr. Brooks wondered, causing Alan to tense up.
During his last session, she revealed that once a month, she led a therapy with all her patients, who were all victims of kidnapping, and asked if he would like to join. The teenager flat out refused. The idea of sitting in a circle with a bunch of other kids who had probably suffered far more than he had, kids he didn’t know or trust and telling them what his kidnappers had done to him, made Alan feel sick to his stomach and gave him an urge to run in the opposite direction as fast as he could.
Wordlessly, Alan shook his head, still keeping his eyes on a random spot on the carpet. The doctor then said, “I do think you should consider it Alan. It can be very beneficial talking to people who’ve been through similar circumstances.”
“Why? So they can judge me and tell me whatever I went through isn’t anywhere as bad as what they went through and I should just get over it?” Alan replied, his quiet voice laced with anger.
“Is that how you always feel? That no matter what has happened to you, good or bad, it isn’t as important as something that happened to someone else?” Dr. Brooks questioned with a gentle tone after a few seconds of thought, hearing what the blonde hadn’t realized he was implying. Alan tensed even more. A part of him wanted to sarcastically remind her that he had four older, successful brothers, but he didn’t. They were getting way too close to topics he didn’t want to discuss, so he kept his mouth shut.
Megan Brooks watched the teenager closely, easily seeing how tense and uncomfortable he looked. He hadn’t been silent throughout their sessions, but we still very close-lipped about his kidnapping, and his family, and anything important. She didn’t mind though. She had had patients far less forthcoming than Alan was. Over time though, he had been opening up more, letting more information slip than he probably knew. She considered that progress. However, the psychologist could tell that he was far too uncomfortable to talk, so she changed the subject.
“You look a little more tired today. Have you been getting enough sleep?” Dr. Brooks asked, though she already knew the answer due to the dark circles that were forming under his eyes.
“Probably not.” Alan quietly admitted, still not meeting her gaze.
“Nightmares?” Dr. Brooks guessed. When Alan didn’t answer, she knew she was right. Seeing an almost shamed expression on his young face, she continued, “It’s perfectly normal if you are.”
“I thought they’d be over by now.” Alan muttered, keeping his head down.
“Well Alan, trauma doesn’t just go away over night.” Dr. Brooks told him, not that she needed to. Alan had enough experience with trauma to know that. That didn’t mean he couldn’t hope though.
As the teenager fell silent once again, Dr. Brooks watched him closely, wondering how she should proceed. She knew that if Alan truly wanted to get better, he had to accept what happened, instead of pushing it down in a deep dark hole. If he did that, it would never truly go away. And she knew that Alan knew that too, she had seen it over their sessions, but from the way he acted, the few things he said, his body language, the psychologist was positive that he was scared to talk about it. Dr. Brooks completely understood that, talking meant remembering, but she had the feeling that something else was going on, something else was holding him back.
Deciding to try something that might make it easier for the boy, she said, “You don’t talk much about what you’ve been through. How about we do something different in our sessions? How about, each session, you tell me one thing? One little detail about what happened while you were held hostage.”
Alan raised his head at that. He gave her a skeptical look before he asked, “Just one?”
“Just one.” Dr. Brooks confirmed. Alan thought it over for a minute. Remembering one thing once a week? Yeah, he could do that.
“They jabbed a knife in my hand. Went all the way through and into the arm of the metal chair I was tied to.” The words came out of the blonde’s mouth before he even knew he was speaking.
Alan had no idea why he chose to reveal that particular detail, his eyes dropping to the scar that was left on his hand. Originally, he had thought he’d just say he was tied to a chair or something, but the knife thing just came out. Maybe it was because his hand was hurting more today. Though the stitches had been taking out a while ago, and had healed, every now and then it still ached, even though the only thing that remained of the injury was the scar.
“That must’ve really hurt.” Dr. Brooks commented with a sympathetic tone. Alan simply nodded.
“Looks to be okay now though.” She added, looking at the hand he was staring at.
“It still hurts to grip things sometimes. Virgil said it’s because the muscles and tissues in my hand are still healing and are scarred. That they’ll always be scarred.” Alan revealed.
“Trauma is a lot like that Alan. After it happens and the physical injuries heal, when you can’t see any physical evidence of it, people assume that it’s gone now and you’re perfectly fine.” Dr. Brooks paused for a brief moment when she saw Alan turn his gaze back to her before she continued, “But underneath that, there’s still a lot of damage and scars there.”
Alan stared at her for minute, the looked back at the scar on his hand and said, “Yeah. You’re definitely right about that.
TBTBTBTBTBTBTBTBTBTBTB
Scott sat alone in the chair in the waiting area of the psychologist’s office, tapping his foot impatiently as he looked around the room for the millionth time. He tried to distract himself by reading the magazines on the table beside him and by playing on his phone, but the worry wouldn’t leave him. The oldest Tracy son still wasn’t sure how he felt about his youngest brother seeing a psychologist. He wanted Alan to get better, to have all the help he needed, but there was a part of him that hated the fact that his baby brother would feel a lot more comfortable talking to a stranger than his own family. Scott knew it was their own fault though, that they pushed him away. He was still beating himself over that. However, that wasn’t the reason so tense and jumpy.
The week before Alan’s first appointment with Dr. Brooks, their Dad informed him, John, Virgil and Gordon about the phone call from Lady Penelope, the phone call that had everyone freaking out. The Hood had escaped once again. And now, even though over two months had passed, he was still loose. And the police, FBI, CIA, MI6 and Lady P had no idea where he was. That fact alone wanted Scott to keep Alan, all of his family actually, on the island, where they were safe.
Yes, he knew that the very first time the Hood had attacked them, he had invaded the island, their home. Though it had been over a year since it happened, Scott remembered it as though it was yesterday. Being attacked and almost dying alongside your Dad and most of your brothers wasn’t something you’d ever forget.
The brunette remembered how worried he had been when he heard that John was in trouble. Remembered how that worry grew when he saw John’s injuries and how furious and terrified when he realized that they walked right in the Hood’s trap. Above all, he remembered the terror that flooded his entire body when he remembered that Alan was home. His little baby brother was trapped on the island with the man who was trying to kill them all and there wasn’t anything he, or the others could do about it.
“Dad.” Scott’s voice took Jeff Tracy’s attention away from the computers as he tried to figure out a way out of the situation they were in.
“What?” The parent asked, looking over at his oldest son.
“Alan. Alan’s home.” Scott reminded him, then watched as his father’s face pale to a snow-like white. Around them, John, Virgil and Gordon all stopped whatever they were doing as they realized that Scott was right. Their youngest brother was on the island with the Hood and no one to protect him.
While the fear from that had been great, it wasn’t as great as the terror he felt when he learned that the Hood had kidnapped Alan. And the news that the Hood was still out there, having escaped from custody once again, made him fear being on the mainland, especially with his baby brother. Even though the Hood had been free for two months yet didn’t make a move against their family, the Scott knew it was only a matter of time
He was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard a door open. Scott’s head immediately snapped to the side, just in time to see Alan walk out of the office, Dr. Brooks right behind him. The brunette then stood up and was about to walk over to the blonde, but stopped when he saw the psychologist say something to him that was too quiet for Scott to hear. Knowing that he shouldn’t try to eavesdrop, even though he really wanted to, the young man waited until he heard her say goodbye to Alan before he approached the teenager.
“So, how did it go Allie?” Scott asked once he reached the blue-eyed blonde.
“It was fine.” Alan replied in an emotionless tone, something that had become a regular thing over the last several weeks. Scott didn’t push for any more information, though his instincts begged him to. He simply led the way to the exit of the building.
Looking down at his watch, Scott said, “We still have some time before we have to be home. You wanna do anything before we head out, like get some ice cream or something?”
Alan thought for a few seconds, then shook his head as he answered, “No. I just want to go home.”
The brunette wasn’t surprised by his little brother’s reply. He had been very withdrawn since his kidnapping, but it always got worse when they were on the mainland due to the media. Since the abduction of Jeff Tracy’s youngest son was public knowledge, it had been all over the news. However, after he was rescued and returned to the island, the reporters got no information besides that Alan was found and was recovering. They had all forgotten about it once they were home, their sole focus being on the youngest member of their family.
It soon became apparent that no one had forgotten what had happened the first time they came back to the mainland for Alan’s first appointment with Dr. Brooks. A group of paparazzi were waiting for another celebrity when they recognized the boy and immediately bombarded him. When Jeff told them about the Hood’s escape and that they were going to have a security team with them whenever they weren’t on the island, he had said he would tell Alan it was to keep the paparazzi away. Though believable, Scott wasn’t sure that it would that bad. He quickly learned that he was wrong. Despite the help of the security, the damage was done. Alan no longer felt any comfort when there were strangers all around who would recognize him, then proceeded to whisper and watch him as though he was an animal at the zoo.
“Home it is then.” Scott responded, giving Alan a smile as he threw his arm around his brother’s shoulders. The teenager slowly smiled back. It was a weak one, but it was a smile nonetheless, and the nearly 26-year-old took that as a win.
Honestly, Scott was glad that Alan wanted to go back to the island, though he could tell him why. It had been a long, repeated, debate but their Dad firmly ordered that his youngest child was not to know that the Hood escaped. He was scared of how Alan would take the news, scared that he would draw even further away from human contact, scared it would hinder his recovery. The blonde was struggling enough at it was. And to make sure that he wouldn’t find out, Fermat and Tintin were also unaware of the Hood being free. Their parents though, were told.
Scott had a strong feeling that unless the Hood was caught soon, their secret from the youngest was going to come back and bite them, but for now, he took Alan home. Safe from any threats that would dare hurt them.
TBTBTBTBTBTBTBTBTBTBTB
It was late when Scott and Alan arrived at Tracy Island. The youngest Tracy son immediately headed off to bed after they landed and though the oldest was also exhausted and wanted to get some sleep, he had a stop to make first. Their father’s office. He didn’t mention it to Alan, but he was pretty sure that the teenager was fully aware that Scott and the rest of his brothers and the other adults on the island were reporting to the Tracy patriarch everything and anything that involved him. Since Alan didn’t seem to care that much, or at least, never said anything about it, and that Jeff was still very worried about him, they continued filling the parent in on everything the noticed about Alan.
“So how did it go today?” Jeff wondered when he saw Scott enter his office. Though he usually stayed up late working, he started doing it purposely on nights when Alan had therapy when the father wasn’t able to take him.
“Okay, I think. You know he never tells us about what he and Dr. Brooks talk about.” Scott answered, sitting down on one of the chairs in front of his Dad’s desk.
Jeff nodded, but didn’t say anything. Instead, he looked as though he was deep in though. Quickly realizing the former astronaut wasn’t going to speak, Scott spoke up, “I know that therapy is a good thing and it’s supposed to help, but I hate the idea that Allie would rather talk to complete stranger than to us, his own family.”
The father gave his oldest a sympathetic and understanding look before he replied, “I don’t either Scott, but we’ve got to think about what’s best for Alan. He needs someone to talk to, someone who’s qualified and knows that the best way to help him. Someone that’s a good listener and he can trust. Right now, that’s not us. I don’t think it has been for a while.”
A few weeks after they brought Alan home, Scott came up to Jeff’s office one night to talk to him, to tell him about a conversation that he had that day with his youngest brother. He told him how apparently Alan feared opening up to his brothers because he though that they would eventually use it against him in some way. He was scared they were going to tease him about it or something like that. And Scott had realized that his brother was right and was broken up about it.
Jeff tried to comfort his oldest, but had a hard time doing it because he too realized that his youngest was completely justified in having that fear. His other sons often teased their baby brother and he knew that at times they went too far, but he never really thought about or noticed the toll it had taken on the young teenager and his relationship with his family. Now, not a day went by that he didn’t see the damage. The way Alan would automatically tense when any member of his family entered the room he was in. While the father knew that a part of it was because Alan was still on edge due to his recent kidnapping and that usually whenever his brothers or Dad saw him, they asked him how he was doing, Jeff noticed that the blonde tensed a lot more when one of them was laughing or seemed angry. It was like he was expecting to either be yelled at or be teased. That was all on them. And when Scott told him about that and he started to see Scott was right, they told the others about it too so they were also aware of it.
It was one of the contributing factors that led Jeff to deciding to talk to Alan about seeing a therapist. He knew that after spending years of unintentionally putting a distance between the youngest Tracy and the rest of the family, by either neglect, teasing and/or just not listening, Alan wasn’t going to open up to any of them. He didn’t trust them and nobody could blame him. So, despite how much it hurt, they all agreed that therapy was the best option. The only real option that they had actually if they wanted Alan to get better. And while that happened, they could work on fixing their relationship with the teenager.
Pulling himself out his thoughts, Jeff looked over at Scott and said, “You should go to bed. It’s late.”
Stifling a yawn, the younger adult nodded and stood up. He wished his Dad a good night, the parent wished him one as well when he did, then left the office, heading straight to bed. It had been a long day and tomorrow probably wasn’t going to be any better. He was going to need all the sleep he could get.
Once Scott was out of sight, Jeff turned around to face another part of his desk, the spot where he kept the framed pictures of his family. He had found himself doing this a lot more than usual, particularly the one with Lucy and all five of their boys the last time they went skiing. Even though it had been over 12 years since his wife died, his heart still ached with grief. Time had eased the pain, but he knew it would never leave. Throughout the last several years, he found himself constantly wishing that Lucy was here, especially now. If she was here, maybe she would be able to help their baby.
Jeff stared at the picture for a few more seconds before he stood up and turned off his computer, ready to call in a night. Then, he walked out of his office, shutting the door and turning off the light behind him. He didn’t go to bed though. Instead, he headed to Alan’s room, wanting to check up on him as he hadn’t seen him for most of the day.
Reaching the door, the parent slowly opened it, wincing slightly when the hinges squeaked. He had been meaning to fix that but he kept forgetting. Jeff continued pushing the door open though and peaked inside. The sight of the teenager peacefully sleeping on his bed made Jeff smile, but then his eyes found Gordon lying on the floor, also fast asleep, with one leg resting on the foot of Alan’s mattress and a hand lying dramatically over his forehead. He had to fight back a laugh when he saw that.
Alan had been having nightmares ever since he came home from the hospital. For the first week or so, the blonde refused to let his brothers comfort him when they tried, but eventually he asked them to stay with him. Ever since then, at least one of his older siblings spent the night in his room. Though the amount of nightmares Alan had went down, enough time had passed that Scott, John, Virgil and Gordon had gone far into overprotective mode that they still had someone spend the night keeping watch over their baby brother.
The former astronaut knew it wouldn’t last much longer though. He could tell his youngest was starting to feel smothered. His brothers hardly ever left him alone, and while it made the parent feel better that Alan was safe someone, the teenager had to be feeling annoyed. For now though, Jeff just smiled, satisfied that his baby was safe, then shut the door and headed to bed.