Chapter Text
The thing about growing up overlooked and put down is that, eventually, you get used to it.
Ever since he was old enough to pick up the saber, all eyes had been on Nie Huaisang. Would he be able to compare to his brother? Did the small fragile looking boy have what it took to be a young master of one of the main clans? Would he fail under the pressure?
Of course, the whispering had only gotten worse when he refused to pick up the saber to train, complained loudly about his arms being too weak to hold the heavy weapon, spent hours painting his fans instead of appearing at his brother’s side.
Nie Huaisang cared very little about what they had to say. After all it wasn’t anything he had heard thousands of times before. He was a disgrace to his clan, a disappointment to his brother, an example of all a cultivator shouldn’t be.
When he was sixteen his brother sent him to Cloud Recesses, hoping under the strict eye of Lan Qiren, his baby brother would learn something.
Nie Huaisang had been thrilled. The classes were boring but away from his brother’s stern glare he was able to find what he had never had growing up in the Unclear Realm, friends.
The Yummeng brothers were hotheaded, reckless and fun. They didn’t seem to care that Nie Huaisang didn’t care about training or combat and the trio had the best of times running through the silent paths of Cloud Recesses, dodging the books Grand Master Lan threw at their heads and breaking the rules to sneak liquor into their rooms.
Nevertheless, Nie Huaisang knew they were different, Jiang Cheng always trying to prove he was the best and Wei Wuxian’s natural talent one that would always place him at the head of the class, no matter how little he claimed to care. They didn’t understand him, suggesting that maybe if he just tried a little harder, practiced his form and he would improve.
They were fun to be around but Nie Huaisang knew what they thought of him, had heard it when they didn’t think he was listening. He wasn’t to be taken seriously, he was silly only caring about unimportant things. He would never do anything else than cower in his brother’s shadow.
They didn’t know what he knew, the truth about his family’s cultivation method, the madness he knew he wasn’t strong enough to fight. Only his brother knew, he had felt it himself and had never pushed Huaisang to pick up the saber, not really. They had never discussed but the truth lay unspoken between the brothers, Nie Minjgue, as strong as he was, could barely control the sword spirit, Nie Huaisang had never stood a chance.
It didn’t matter, he had adapted. His knowledge was of a different kind, it was crazy the things people will say to you when they don’t think you a threat.
Other cultivators, junior disciples, the common people in neighboring towns, they all said things they would never dare if they thought someone important would overhear.
Besides, the time the Yummeng brothers had spent fighting or the Twin Jades spent learning their rules, Nie Huaisang had spent learning to read people.
People put on masks when trying to impress or hide their flaws. They didn’t do that in front of him.
And so, it was easy to see the unbreachable distance between Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng, a disconnect caused by years of rivalities and deep seeded jealousy, of Wei Wuxian’s skill, of Jiang Cheng’s name and family. As close as the adopted brothers were, they would never quite forget the things that made them different.
The same stood for the Twin Jades of Lan. Two perfect puppets for their clan, adored and respected by all but Nie Huaisang could see how truly ignorant they were. He saw it in the way Lan Wangji stared after Wei Wuxian left a room and in the way the brothers walked, side by side, never touching, talking quietly with perfect postures.
At the end of the day they were all products of their upbringing and he thought, maybe he hadn’t been as unlucky as he once thought. He would always be looked down upon and whispered about but he knew his brother loved him and he knew he was free. He just needed to be brave enough to dare disappoint.
In the years that followed and through war and peace, Nie Huaisang often thought about those years at Cloud Recesses, all the boys he had gotten to know then where now men, so changed by the events they had survived he no longer felt he knew them. He himself had remained somewhat untouched by the war, his brother had left him in charge at home when he went off to fight and with everyone at the front, there had been little to do but paint his fans and be a figurehead when necessary. And then finally his brother had come home, a little angrier than before but otherwise the same as always and things went back to normal.
Of course he heard the stories of what his old friend had become, he was sad to hear of his death but even when they had been children, he had guessed that Wei Wuxian’s life would not be a happy one. He was too smart, too loud and he didn’t understand just how fragile the balance of their society was, just how fast it could all crumble.
What he hadn’t expected was that he would find out the very same thing only a couple years later.
Nie Huaisang’s mother had died shortly after his death and his father had gone into Qi deviation while he was still a child. Nie Mingjue was the only family he had ever had. His brother may have been a hard man and suffered from a short temper but Nie Huaisang knew his brother would always be there for him. He had promised him as much when they were children and Nie Mingjue had never broken that promise. Until suddenly he wasn’t there to protect him anymore.
Nie Huaisang had been powerless to help that night, forced to watch as his brother flew into a rage and the qi deviation he had been fighting for most of his adult life struck a fatal blow.
Later that night, Sect Leader Jin had come to check on him. Nie Huaisang didn’t trust him, they had been close once, when the man still went by the name Meng Yao but ever since he had been recognized as Jin Guangshan’s son, something about him had changed.
He knew that his brother had a complicated relationship with the man he had accepted as sworn brother but things seemed to have gotten better recently and he knew Jin Guangyao had been helping his brother control his temper once things started getting bad.
But despite the man’s sympathies for his loss and offer of help, if Nie Huaisang were to need it, adapting to his new role of Sect Leader, Nie Huaisang was desperate for him to leave so he could finally be alone.
Taking the hint, Jin Guangyao had expressed his condolences one last time and excused himself. Finally alone, Nie Huaisang was able to release the sob he had been fighting since his brother’s body had fallen to the ground.
He didn’t cry long. Nie Huaisang had never been bothered with showing emotion but as the first sobs shook his body, the pain that threatened to crush him was joined by something else. The new emotion helped him catch his breath and sit up from the pile of limbs he had fallen into.
Nie Huaisang mourned the loss of his brother, of the only family he had ever had but under it all and growing stronger by the second, was a rage that consumed him.
The Nie’s were known for their tempers, Nie Huaisang had never had much reason for it before but now, he could feel it burning and hot in his veins, the need to destroy, the need for revenge.
He had been terrified of Qi deviation since he had been old enough to understand death and so he had learnt all he could about the sickness that had claimed the life of all Nie sect leaders. He knew what it looked like and he knew the signs. He also knew that his brother’s death had been much too early. Despite his brother’s temper, he was not weak of mind, he should have never fallen so soon.
Someone had caused the Qi deviation to act faster. Someone had murdered his brother and Nie Huaisang would find out who. He would find the culprit and he would end them.
He had never been able to make his brother proud, but now, he would get revenge for the man who had raised him, who had protected him until his dying breath.
Underestimated and dismissed his entire life, Nie Huaisang had always wished he had been born strong. Now he was glad for his weakness, always laughed at and belittled, it had made him strong in a much useful way.
This wasn’t about pride or justice. He wasn’t like Wei Wuxian who had blown up the very ground he stood on for what he believed to be just only to die at his brother’s sword. Or the esteemed Hanguang-Jun who had turned his sword against his own clan members to defend the one he loved and had been whipped within an inch of his life for it as his brother watched it happen.
Nie Huaisang had once admired the two men and the brothers who had seemed so close at the time. He knew now that his relationship with his own brother had always been different. Stronger. The Yummeng brothers had been ripped apart by the death of their sister, the Twin Jades of Lan shattered by the most human of feelings. Only death had been able to pull his brother from his side. No matter how he had embarrassed him, brought shame to their name and clan, Nie Mingjue had never turned against him, had never broken his promise.
Now Nie Huaisang made a promise of his own. He would see those responsible pay, he would be calculating and ruthless. No one would ever see him coming.
Life had made him small, weak. All those who had laughed and put him down had made him into the man he was today and they had made him more dangerous than any of them could ever imagine.