Work Text:
MCLAREN’S PUB – NIGHT
> MARSHALL, BARNEY, ROBIN, and TED were sitting and talking in a small corner booth. Despite the noise, they were deep in conversation.
MARSHALL
(frustrated)
What are we supposed to do with that?
BARNEY
(nonchalantly)
Hypothesize. Make things up. Change the world. And hey, have fun with it. I’ll go grab some more drinks.
> Barney pats Marshall on the back and walks off towards the bar.
TED
(taking a drink)
I think China would collapse.
ROBIN
(confused)
How would whales growing legs lead to the collapse of a global superpower?
TED
They’re the ones that hunt the whales. They’d want revenge.
MARSHALL
But the hypothetical just says they grow legs, it doesn’t mean they become smart enough to become vengeful.
ROBIN
Whales are pretty smart already.
MARSHALL
(shaking his head, dejectedly)
Don’t encourage this.
ROBIN
(shrugging)
Well, what do you think would happen?
MARSHALL
I don’t know anything about whales. How should I know?
ROBIN
That is the point of the game. We’re not supposed to know.
> Marshall leaned back.
MARSHALL
Alright, fine. Okay, whales eat of a plankton. If they can walk on land, they still have to eat small things, so they’d eat bugs.
ROBIN
I guess that makes sense.
> Ted took out his phone and started scrolling through it.
TED
Bugs aren’t that similar to plankton though, right?
MARSHALL
(growing slightly frustrated)
How should I know? What else are they gonna eat?
ROBIN
Well, they can still go in the water and eat plankton. The hypothetical doesn’t say they lose their fins; it just says they get legs.
MARSHALL
Whales can’t swim with legs.
ROBIN
How do you know?
MARSHALL
Okay, I guess I can’t prove that, but it doesn’t make any sense.
ROBIN
Elephants can swim.
MARSHALL
Elephants aren’t as big as whales.
> Ted snaps his fingers and looks up from his phone.
TED
Killer whales. They’re smaller and they don’t eat plankton. They eat fish and-and birds.
MARSHALL
So killer whales just become scarier?
ROBIN
It’s not as big as the collapse of China, but that is a new apex predator. Like an elephant with teeth.
MARSHALL
Elephants already have teeth. I think.
TED
Alright, so what else is there? Sperm whales are pretty crazy. They fight giant squid.
ROBIN
How do they change things?
TED
Well, it depends where they live.
ROBIN
Okay, so in the ocean, they tend to swim deep where it’s dark and cold all the time.
TED
Antarctica?
ROBIN
I was thinking central Canada.
TED
Let’s roll with that one. What’s different?
MARSHALL
Marshall shrugged. They’d probably get killed off.
ROBIN
That’s no fun, Robin said.
MARSHALL
It’s probably what would happen. A lot of whales are already endangered and they don’t even live in the same ecosystem as us. If they did...
ROBIN
It’s still not fun.
MARSHALL
Fun isn’t the point of the game.
ROBIN
How is the point of a game not to have fun? What kind of game is that?
TED
Also Barney did say to have fun with it.
ROBIN
Exactly, so the answer has to be fun.
MARSHALL
But that changes the entire point of the game!
TED
If Barney said to have fun, we’re supposed to have fun. He did make the game.
MARSHALL
But what about the logical aspect?
ROBIN
Barney made the game.
> Barney returns with several drinks and sets them on the table.
BARNEY
Of course, I did, dropping off several drinks. Why are you guys talking about the game and not whales with legs?
ROBIN
We got a little distracted. Some of us think the point of the game is to have fun. Others think it’s to be smart and logical.
BARNEY
(feigning interest)
Interesting. The whales though?
ROBIN
(insistent)
The game, Barney. Is it supposed to be fun or logical?
BARNEY
I don’t know.
MARSHALL
How can you not know? It’s your game.
BARNEY
I didn’t make this game so I have to think. I just say random things and let you guys think.
MARSHALL
So it is about being logical.
ROBIN
Shut up. So this game was made just so you don’t have to think?
BARNEY
(offended)
What’s so wrong with that?
MARSHALL
(frustrated)
It’s dishonest!
BARNEY
I don’t believe I’ve ever given the impression that this game was anything but an excuse to watch you guys fumble your way through a make-believe.
MARSHALL
So it’s not really logical or fun, Marshall said.
BARNEY
Oh, come on, just because something is made for one reason doesn’t mean it can’t be something else. Hasn’t this been a little fun?
ROBIN
Robin and Marshall looked at each other and shrugged. It has been a little fun, Robin admitted.
BARNEY
How about you think of a scenario? Anything in or out of this world. What do you say?
ROBIN
(pauses)
... Sharks with wings.