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“I thought you'd be asleep by now.”
Emily jumped when she heard Hotch behind her, holding the photograph close to her chest so that he couldn’t see it. She looked up at him as he walked from behind her and came to sit across from her.
“It was a long case; I think you need some rest.” He said.
“I'm OK.”
“You say that a lot.”
“I typically mean it when I say it.” Emily tried to smile but knew she fell short. She just looked at the picture again. “Yeah, maybe you're right. It’s going to be a long flight and I'm gonna have to drive home whenever we get back to Quantico.”
“You were distracted in California.” Hotch said.
“Hotch…”
“No, distracted is the wrong word. You were the symbol of professionalism like always but this case was difficult and the few hours we weren't working it you seemed distracted. I think it was by that picture. It seemed like every time I saw you, you were looking at it.”
“I needed something to take me away from that case.” Emily replied. “We've worked some hard ones in our time and some have affected us more than others. I don’t like to see children hurt, Hotch.”
“I know.” He nodded.
The BAU was in San Diego profiling home invaders. That crime was becoming much more pervasive in the new millennium. This time they were looking for a team who targeted interracial families. It wasn’t about stealing possessions or intimidation; it was about hate, pure and simple. No one was safe from it, not even the children. Emily was sure those crime scenes and the photos would stay with her for longer than she ever wanted them to.
She was glad when they caught two of the offenders, who were trying to fence items stolen from one of the homes. The juvenile, who was just fifteen years old, sent the whole elaborate scheme tumbling like a house of cards. Without him, Emily thought they might never catch the pack. Everyone made mistakes eventually, but four families had to die before this group did. It was going to be hard to sleep at night thinking about that. She was one of the good guys, she solved these cases, but she also had to live with them.
“And to think that two teenagers were part of that carnage,” Emily shook her head. “I just wonder…nevermind.”
“What?”
“Nothing. The case is over. I may carry it with me for some time to come but I don’t have to talk about it. I need to put it behind me.”
Hotch nodded and they didn’t talk for a while. It was a long flight home; they were only about a quarter of the way. They left California late because a storm blew through and they were flying forward in time. He had no idea what time it would be when they finally got back to Quantico. They were already behind schedule or Hotch would’ve just scrapped the flight until the next morning.
He looked around and saw his team in various stages of sleep. It had been hard on all of them. They were glad it was solved, glad it was over. Another one was surely on its heels but this one took its course. Prentiss wouldn’t be the only one who had trouble sleeping.
“What's that a picture of?” He asked.
“Hmm?” She looked at him, brought her eyes into focus.
“That picture has had you mesmerized for six days. I think it may have gotten you through this. What is it?”
“Oh,” Emily looked at it again and smiled. “Do you remember the BAU picnic?”
“My memory isn’t that bad, Prentiss, it was only last month. It was fun.”
Every year the BAU had a picnic in Oronoco Bay Park in Alexandria. It was a way for agents to take a day to enjoy each other’s company. Families were welcome and for just one day the agents, who could see any given thing throughout the year were encouraged to let go and have a good time. There was music, games, fun, friends, and no work. It wasn’t entirely out of the realm of possibility to be called away on a case while trying to enjoy a good time with team members. Hotch, and Strauss even, did their best for just that one day to keep that from happening.
“I had a good time too. People were taking pictures, just letting their hair down. It was nice.”
“I think once a year we’re allowed to call each other by our first names.” Hotch said with a smirk.
“Garcia went crazy with her camera; got some really good pictures. She gave this one to me before we left. She said it might give me a smile if the case got too dark.”
“Apparently she was right.” He held out his hand. “May I?”
Emily handed over the picture and Hotch looked at it. For a moment, he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He tried to go back in his mind to the moment but couldn’t recall. Of course a photograph could capture something that only lasted a few seconds, which was one of the wonders of it.
Hotch was staring at he and Emily. They were standing close together; she held a paper box of popcorn. He was reaching into it and they were smiling at each other. Why couldn’t he remember this…it seemed improbable to forget.
“Penelope took this picture?” He looked at Emily.
“Mmm hmm.” She nodded.
“I don’t remember this. How come I don’t remember this?”
“I didn’t either. I've been looking at it for almost a week and I still don’t remember the moment but it must be real.”
“Of course it’s real. Not even Garcia’s admirable Photoshop skills could create this…could they?”
“Probably.” Emily smiled some as she took the photo back. “But I’d like to think it’s real.”
“Could I maybe…I’d love to have a copy of that.”
“Why?”
“That’s a strange question to ask.” Hotch said.
“I didn’t think it was really.”
“Well, we’re both smiling in it and I don’t think there's much photo evidence that we do that in close proximity. I need to keep it close so I can remember.”
“I'm sure if you ask her for a copy…”
“That might be troublesome.” Hotch cut her off. “Penelope sometimes speculates.”
“And what would she speculate from you asking for a copy of a picture, Hotch?” Emily asked.
“I don't know.”
“Then ask her.”
“You could just give me a copy, Emily. Save me the…embarrassment.”
“Embarrassment?” She raised an eyebrow.
“Yes, save me the embarrassment. Garcia would tell Morgan and he would never let me live it down. If it were a picture of Rossi and I or JJ and I it wouldn’t be a big deal. But you and I…”
He stopped talking, suddenly unsure of where the conversation was going. He could put an end to it altogether but that would be weird. Things were moving along at a nice pace and now Hotch reached a puddle in the road. He could try to walk through it, and possibly drown. He could leap over it, how he had no idea. Or he could turn and go back in the direction he came from. He knew the route perfectly, walked it almost everyday.
“You and I what, Hotch?”
“Let’s just say a picture’s worth a thousand words.” He replied.
“Let’s just say the thousand words.” Emily countered.
“I don’t think that’s the best idea.”
“Yeah, well you know what, I've been letting you run this show for a while now and we’ve gotten nowhere. Maybe its time for me to take the wheel.”
“You plan to hold me down kicking and screaming?” Hotch didn’t mean to smile when he said it but the dimples were a dead giveaway.
“I didn’t realize it would be that horrible for you.” Emily didn’t smile when she said it.
“Emily, I didn’t mean…you misunderstood.”
“Take the picture, Hotch.” She slid it across the table between them. “Take the picture and I’ll ask Penelope for another. I'll save you the embarrassment and myself too.”
“One of these days we’re going to have a non-work related conversation that doesn’t slip into bad romantic comedy territory.” He replied.
“I don’t know too many good romantic comedies. I think I need to get some sleep; you probably do as well. I’m gonna take a couch.” Emily got up and went to walk away. She was surprised when Hotch took hold of her hand. He never touched her…it was almost as if she had cooties. If she did, he had them now too.
“I need some time.” Hotch said, gently squeezing her hand.
“Two years isn’t enough?”
“Some things are worth the wait, right?”
“Like what?”
“Like this.” He held up the picture. “Like you and I.”
Emily didn’t say anything. She slipped her hand away and walked over to the couch to lie down. Right now was the wrong time to crawl into Aaron Hotchner’s head. She knew what she felt. She knew that nothing in the world was going to change it…Emily had already tried everything. She knew that it was probably never going to be.
It was both heartbreaking and realistic. Something in her wouldn’t let go though. They were right for each other, she felt it. For years Emily had talked herself out of so many feelings…it led to a lot of pain. She wasn’t a young woman anymore; wasn’t going to bounce back when life smacked her onto the ground.
Love was something you couldn’t do alone or with half a heart. His words stoked the fire on her glimmer of hope but Emily did her best to ignore it. Hotch had let her down before, even if he had no idea that’s what he was doing. It was time to move on.
He couldn’t stop staring at the picture. They both looked happy, and of course oblivious to the fact that somewhere a tech kitten was lurking with a camera. Hotch was smiling and so was Emily; their foreheads almost touching. His hand was reaching in her popcorn box. Why couldn’t he remember being that close to her?
In fact, all Hotch could remember was not being around her. At last year’s picnic, they got stuck in the worst three-legged race known to man. Prentiss nearly ended up in the ER. He didn’t want that to happen again. He always seemed to embarrass himself in some way when he was Aaron. It was easier being Hotch. Maybe not for his heart but for his ego.
Hotch never tripped over his own feet or missed a note. Hotch was strong, tough, and built to last. Hotch was lonely and tired and rarely smiled like the man in the picture. The man in the picture was happy; she made him happy. This was just a moment in time…Hotch could only imagine how good it could be if he let go. No, Hotch did his best not to imagine.
Aaron could though, Aaron had. And Aaron was head over heels for Emily Prentiss. Now he just had to convince Hotch. He could always just tell him to mind his own business. Or maybe just show him the picture and not say anything. A picture was worth a thousand words.
***