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Today is the day Ghani has to get himself ready for what will happen; seeing his boyfriend. He has prepared a white rose, just what Ganda prefers. Just one, he doesn’t like to be extra. The simpler, the better. Ghani has learned that about Ganda. On this special day, of course he will do anything the way his boyfriend likes, including wearing the light purple tie that doesn’t look right for him. But, anything for Ganda, right?
Ghani’s heart clenches at the thought.
He hasn’t been getting enough sleep since the last time he saw Ganda. That night’s memories still linger on his mind and he can’t seem to rub them off. It also doesn’t help that the right side of his bed is cold, where his favorite man usually sleeps. For the last two nights, Ganda has been sleeping on another bed and Ghani’s not used to sleeping without his hugs. It’s his fault, anyway. Ghani should’ve known that. He let all of these happen to them and now he’s missing Ganda. But, it’s alright; he’s seeing him again today.
It feels unreal, really. His steps are heavy, his head is getting dizzy. But, he’s bracing himself stepping into the building. Ganda is there, Ghani knows, he already can see where the older man is. He can sense some eyes are looking at him when he walks through the carpet, but he doesn’t care. All he cares about is seeing his boyfriend.
“Ganda,” Ghani calls him softly as soon as he can see the man’s face. “Ini, saya bawakan bunga kesukaanmu.” The rose is placed carefully in his hand, hoping Ganda will have a grip on it. Ganda, even though he’s wearing make up, he still looks too pale for Ghani’s liking. His hands are also too cold for the man who always provided warmth for Ghani whenever he needed it. But, the worst is Ghani can’t see the eyes that were always full of passion and love for him.
“Saya minta maaf, Ganda.” The memories flood his mind once again; the night he couldn’t save his boyfriend from the bullets. Ghani’s eyes are starting to get hot and he can’t help himself from falling a tear or two. “Saya rindu,” he confesses in a broken whisper.
“Mampir ke mimpi saya kapan-kapan, ya?”