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Published:
2020-04-25
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1,968
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1/1
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41
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415

I Am 29, Going on 30

Summary:

"Hifumi-" Doppo calls from across the table.
Hifumi smiles, glad that his room mate's mind was back to earth. "Yes, Doppo?" He replies.
"Let's adopt." The red-haired man says bluntly.

Notes:

Cross Posted from FF.net

This is my first Hypnosis Mic. Fic.

This ship is lit! And I can't get this idea off my head, so here it is! XD

Takes place after the 'Enter the Hypnosis Microphone' Drama Track. Well, Enjoy!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

_\ DOFUMI /_


It's been a while since they last ate together, and this was one of the days Hifumi had been looking forward to. However, Doppo had been spaced out for the past week, after the incident with Asurano and her siblings…

"Hifumi-" Doppo calls from across the table.

Hifumi smiles, glad that his room mate's mind was back to earth. "Yes, Doppo?" He replies.

"Let's adopt." The red-haired man says bluntly.

Hifumi was not expecting that. 'Wh-what?' His brain tries to comprehend what this means. Adopt? As in, a couple adopting kids? Does Doppo want to adopt a kid with me?! No! That's! I'm not-

"Hifumi, are you alright? Your face is turning white." Doppo stands up from his seat and rushes to Hifumi's side. Checking his temperature by pressing their foreheads together, close enough that Hifumi could feel Doppo's warm breath. "I think- this is for checking for fever. Ah, I'm sorry."

Hifumi pulls away, "I'm fine." He'd managed to say. "W-what suddenly made you decide you want to adopt?" Because, he deserves an explanation, right?

"It's just-" Doppo tries to explain, really tries. Hifumi almost wants to make him stop thinking about it too much. He never did like looking at Doppo when he was angry or stressed. The crinkles on his brow only deepening.

"After what happened with the Bojo siblings.-" Ah, it was because of that.

"Doppo. I understand." Hifumi assures him. "I understand perfectly, but… I think I need time. To think about all this."

Doppo exhales- and smiles "I'm glad. You're the only person who understands me so well Hifumi."

Hifumi feels like he was hit by a large arrow, right to the heart. 'Damn you cupid! I'm not gay!'

"I've been uneasy for a while, because-" Doppo fumbles. "I-I-I- …. I just realized how…. How old I'll be next year and-"

Ah, they're both 29, turning 30 on spring next year. It's normal, Hifumi thinks, to want to settle down by that age. And he guesses, Doppo's no exemption to that.

"If there's anyone I want to do this with, I can't think of anyone else but you Hifumi!" He says, with that rare burst of confidence that Hifumi can't help but love.

Hifumi, although not gay, feels as if Cupid has just shot an arrow with the potency of an Elephant tranquilizer to his head. Because only an idiot (and he was not an idiot) would turn down a Doppo like that.

"I completely get you Doppo! 100%!" Hifumi responds. Grabs Doppo's hands and squeezes tightly. "I'm not perfect, but with you, I'll try my best!"

"Thank you Hifumi!" Doppo smiles at him, that warm meaning fun smile that weighs more than his smiles could ever- And there goes the third arrow. Digging that first arrow to his heart deeper than it already was.

"I'll try to get off early tomorrow. So, can you meet me at my building in the afternoon?" Doppo asks.

"So soon?!"


_\ Matenro /_


"Hifumin, is there something wrong?" A lady customer asks, concerned for their favorite host.

"Ah, it's nothing princess." Hifumi assures. "It's just something in my mind. Nothing more important than you darling."

And the lady swoons. Such a smooth talker. But later on, the lady decides that whatever Hifumi was thinking was weighing heavier than what he wants them to believe. "Hifumi-san." The lady scolds instead, to which Hifumi jolts. "I know it's not in my place to ask, but are you sure you're ok? Do you need someone to talk to?" She asks, concerned. "I'll buy a bottle of Champagne, but in exchange, you have to tell me what's in your mind. Ok?"

To which Hifumi just nods.

One bottle of Champagne later, the lady thinks about Hifumi's situation.

"So let me repeat this. Your friend, who is turning 30 next year, finally wants to settle down, but doesn't have a girlfriend and so wants to adopt a kid instead."

"That is the simple part of it. But I have a feeling that I'm the one keeping him from settling down with a girl." Hifumi tries to make-up a close excuse to why, without revealing his gynophobia.

"You see, I'm the kind of friend who goes in his apartment uninvited to do stuff he couldn't do… and I go to his room all the time, and we hang-out too much than the normal amount of time best friends can hang out with each other. Then even if I try to take him out to flirt with girls, the girls end up flirting with me instead of him… I feel like I've taken away the time he should have been using to get his dreams."

"Are you sure a family is his dream?" The lady asks. "You both seem capable enough members of society. You both have stable well-paying jobs, an apartment and you both seem like well-grounded, mentally stable, healthy people." To which Hifumi feels like he was hit by hypnosis verses three times over.

Well-grounded? (Doppo raps about suicide and having no meaning to life.)

Mentally Stable? (Hifumi lets out a scream and hides behind Doppo after spotting a girl.)

Healthy? (Doppo alone goes through no less than 14 pills a week!)

By the look on Hifumi's face, the lady decided she must have been off the mark. "I'm guessing your friend isn't as normal as I'd thought."

"Normal is-" Hifumi looks for a word, "-a hard word to live by." Because normal could be what they have now, but it's normal for them, not everybody else. Maybe?

"Hifumi-san." The lady addresses, "I think, you're overthinking it too much." She smiles at him sweetly.

"Your friend sounds like he'd make a good father though. He's got the intent and the spirit for it at least." To which Hifumi wants to laugh but keeps it in.

Imagine, Doppo as a father.

Doppo would be so apologetic to the smallest of things. To even things he can't control. Like a scraped elbow or a knee. Imagine if Doppo had a daughter. Hifumi wouldn't be able to go near her, but Hifumi would try. And Doppo would give her all the affection he could. All the affection she would deserve.

Doppo would try to get home early to get her from school and have dinner together.

Then Doppo would tuck her in bed and they would sleep together- he'd finally have a good night's rest while Hifumi is out at work.

Doppo wouldn't be alone at night…

And suddenly, imagining Doppo as a dad isn't so funny anymore. It was as heartwarming as it was heart-achingly painful.

Someone else getting Doppo's attention and affection… it doesn't sit well with Hifumi. Especially if Doppo had a daughter.

No! If Doppo had a son, everything would be different, surely.

"Huh, Hifumi-san, your face keeps changing." The lady points out. "You must be thinking it through very seriously." She teases. "Hifumin would be a great daddy too!"

("Hifumin would be a great daddy too!") A single comment that echoes and reverberates deep into his soul.

And now his imagination kicks into the overdrive. Imagining him and Doppo being daddies in their friggin' 30's together.

Raising a kid together!

Living in their apartment together!

Having a family together!

'GAAAAAHHHHHHH!'

"Oh, I think I broke Hifumin."


_\ Matenro /_


Next Day, just before the end of office hours.

"Doppo! I'm here!" Hifumi waves from across the street."

"Hifumi. Huh? You're not wearing your suit today."Noticing that Hifumi came in the casual attire of a black shirt with a grey vest and ripped jeans.

"I just thought, If we're going to pick someone, I'll have to be able to handle them. No matter what gender. So today I- I'm."

"I understand. Thank you again, Hifumi." To which Hifumi blushes.

"So, where are we going?" Hifumi steers the conversation away. Opting to get to the children's home they'll be visiting.

"It's this way." Doppo leads, heading to the train station.

"Where are we going?" Hifumi asks.

"Shibuya Station."

"Eh, it's all the way at Shibuya?" Hifumu questions. Did Doppo go all the way to Shibuya to visit the children's homes there? Aren't there more children's homes in Shunjuku than Shibuya?

The two make their way in the train. Shibuya was only a few stations away after all. Soon enough, they were there.

And Doppo was leading them into— A PET STORE

"Huuuuh?!" Hifumi's reaction as he looks at everything in the shop. 'A pet store?! I thought?!'

"Uh, Doppo, when you said adopt, you meant-"

"Yes Hifumi. I think, it's time we learned how to take care of a pet." Doppo announces. "I was thinking something small, a-and something we can leave alone for long periods at a time. Maybe a- a fish or a hamster…" Hifumi laughs!

Hifumi breaks down laughing, hysterically. His laughter getting everyone's attention as Doppo apologizes to the people for causing a scene. Hifumi doubles over, laughing literally on the floor until he finally exhausts himself. After he calmed down a bit, a smile still on his face. Doppo helped him up to his feet.

"Doppo! I thought we were going to adopt a kid!" Hifumi's energetic confesses as he gets Doppo's attention by cupping his face. Doppo, trapped in Hifumi's hands, realized what Hifumi was thinking. (…)

"!" His bleach white face says it all.

And after a moment of silence, Hifumi exhales in relief- and starts laughing again, but less manic and more joyful than anything.

"Hahahahaha!" Hifumi laughs, already letting go of Doppo to clutch his hands over his aching stomach.

Doppo was still frustratingly clutching his hair and saying his sorries. Retreating into his depressing world and shouldering the entire misunderstanding as his fault and his fault alone.

Later on Hifumi would stop laughing to tell Doppo that it wasn't his fault. And later on they would come out of that pet store with a cage, food pellets, hay, and two hamster balls. Inside the cage would be two teddy bear hamsters, one with golden fur and the other with long reddish fur.

"Doppo! What are we gonna name our babies?" Hifumi asks teasingly. Holding the other things while Doppo held the cage with the two hamsters inside.

"Hifumi-" Doppo whines. Still not quite over the misunderstanding. "I- I- I-… I'm not good at naming things."

"I know!" Hifumi comments, "Your MC name is your real name. I already knew you'd have a hard time naming them. So I named them while we were in the store!" Hifumi proclaims.

"W-w- wait a moment! That's rude! I haven't agreed!" Doppo tries to control Hifumi's enthusiasm. But Hifumi, being himself continues on with giving them names.

"My golden baby will be Cristal, after the LRCB 2008 champagne and My red baby will be Yunika after Doppo's special one of a kind name!" Hifumi says as he pats the top of the cage.

"Hifumi, those are names for girls." Doppo points out. "I think they are male."

Hifumi thinks; and thinks again... "Are they?" (?)

To which the two went back to the store to confirm their genders.


_\ Matenro /_


Ring****** Ring******

Jakurai: Hello?

Hifumi: Sensei! Sensei! I Have Great News!

Jakurai: Huh? What happened Hifumi? It's too early in the month to find out if you're No.1 host at your shop.

Hifumi: Haha! I am Shinjuku's No.1 Host all year every year! ~But that's not the great news I'm talking about! *(Hifumi takes a deep breath. ) DOPPO AND I ADOPTED 2 BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS! XD XD XD You have to come over and see them Sensei! They're the Cutest!

Jakurai: …  [(O_ O )

Hifumi: Ok! See you tomorrow Sensei! I can't wait for you to see Cristal and Yunika! They're the cutest babies ever! Bye!

*Beep.

Jakurai stares at the phone. (…) What?!

 

Notes:

The title is named after Sound of Music's "16 Going on 17."

Thanks for Kudos and Comments! XD