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Simon had never been to a Shadowhunter funeral.
He had been to his father’s, but here, he had no one to confide to.
At his father’s funeral, he had his mum, who was right next to him, hugging him, and all had been less painful; but what about now?
Isabelle was next to him, holding his arm.
He couldn’t cry in front of her, she had to see him being strong, or at least, this is what he wanted her to see.
The more he tried to not to think about George, the more the tears threatened to come down.
He bit his lip, until he tasted the salty taste of the blood.
The celebration kept going, and every second felt like a needle puncturing his skin.
His head was hurting, he couldn’t think straight, he heard everything so muffled.
He couldn’t wait any longer, so he went away.
Isabelle chased him.
She knew how hard it was facing someone’s death, and, oddly, Simon until then didn’t cry.
She found him on Academy’s stairs.
- Isabelle, let me be. I’m okay. - he said.
He was sitting on the steps, staring at nothing, with watery eyes.
His hairs were windswept by the hot wind of the afternoon.
- If you’re okay, then why did you run out? - she said, sitting next to him.
He didn’t answer, and he kept staring at nothing.
- Simon... - she said, coming closer to him - when I lost Max -she made an huge effort to avoid her voice to shake - I was wreck, on the floor, and crying helped a bit. - Isabelle said.
- Are you asking me to cry? - Simon asked, turning around to look at the endless black of Isabelle’s eyes.
- I’m not asking you to cry, Simon, I’m just worried about this fact. You didn’t cry. - Isabelle said, touching his arm.
- I won’t cry. I can’t cry. - he said, gesturing.
- Why can’t you cry?
- Because of George, Isabelle!- he stood up. - I can’t do that to George! I remember him with happiness and now all shit happened and I don’t even see a shadow of that happiness! But I know he wanted to be remembered with laughs and happiness and...
Then, he broke out in tears.
Isabelle got up, and hugged him, and Simon placed his head in the crook of her neck, holding her while choking his sobs in her neck.
- George is okay. He is still laughing and he’s still happy. And he wants you to be happy, Simon. - Isabelle said.
He hold her tighter.
- Be always next to me.
- I will, Simon. I will never leave you.