Chapter Text
For Leslie Knope, college was a lot of things. College was the road to her dream career in government, working as a very respectable figure who maintained a lot of control over the management of parks. College was where she would meet her people, the ones that would be her friends for the rest of her life, the ones she’d invite to her wedding, the ones she’d want to live in the same neighborhood as when they all grew up and decided to start their own families. College was where she would meet her lifelong best friend, at least, another lifelong best friend; Ann Perkins was currently, and always would be, her best friend forever. To Leslie, she loved college solely because of these ideas she had built in her head.
What she didn’t love about college? The absolutely insufferable mini parties that Tom Haverford from three doors down loved to throw every Thursday. Not even on Fridays, specifically Thursdays. Or as he liked to call them: Thirstdays.
On that particular evening, Leslie was focused on reviewing for the unit test she had for her Poli-Sci 101 class that following Wednesday. Although her professor wasn’t even completely finished with the last few topics they had to learn before he passed out the study guide, Leslie took it upon herself to read ahead and compile her own review material. April, one of her suitemates, thought she was crazy for this. Her other suitemate (and bestest friend in the whole wide world), Ann Perkins, knew that this was just the way Leslie rolled.
This is exactly why Leslie eventually threw down her flashcards onto her desk, storming through April’s room and into Ann’s, her face beet red and her hands balled into fists at her side. Thankfully, Ann didn’t have a boy in the room today; It wouldn’t have been the first time that Leslie burst in on Ann while she was in more… compromising positions.
“I’m going to call the RA on duty right now Ann. I hate him and he’s loud and small and I will crush him with my bare hands if I have to.”
Ann looked up from anatomy textbooks, half a headphone dangling above her shirt while the other was in her right ear. “Have you asked him to keep it down?”
Leslie was quiet, which was enough of an answer for Ann. “But Ann, he never listens! Can I PLEASE just call the RA on him and let him get written up? Just this once?” She pleaded, eyes glinting with desperation.
It was true, whenever Leslie knocked on his door to ask if he and his roommate, Jean Ralphio, could stop being so loud, they just told her to join the party. She’d also be subject to a very uncomfortable few seconds featuring Jean Ralphio hitting on her by coming up with a poorly made rap about her name on the spot.
Ann, also the receiver of several poor attempts at flirting, but from Tom, grimaced as she recalled the last few encounters that Leslie told her about. She opened her mouth to respond, but April Ludgate, their younger, but scarier suitemate, poked her head into the room. Her face was void of emotion, as usual, but she carried an air of more annoyance this time.
“If we put him on a barbecue and threaten to burn him alive, maybe he’ll stop.”
“No, April.” Leslie’s lips were pursed as she didn’t even turn to look over at the younger girl, but she could still sense her glowering at the back of her head. “Fine, I’ll try again. But he won’t listen. And I’ll come in here and tell you that he didn’t listen again. And then I’ll call the RA on duty.”
Ann seemed to approve of the idea, and Leslie whirled around, walking into April’s room again but to go out through the main door. As soon as she stepped into the main hallway, the horrible EDM beats from the end of the hall greeted her, and a scowl burst onto her features. Frustrated, and very determined, Leslie marched down to Tom’s room before knocking smartly on his door.
The voices and the music seemed to settle down, and she could hear the clinking of bottles muffled behind the door. Slowly, the door opened, Jean Ralphio’s familiar face appearing in the crack. He stared above Leslie, probably expecting a much taller, intimidating RA, but came to no avail. It was only when he looked down that he noticed her, and a smile broke out onto his features. “Oh, thank god, we thought we were busted.”
She opened her mouth to tell him that they were about to be if they didn’t keep it down, but she was rudely interrupted by him grabbing her arm and yanking her into the room, grinning madly. Leslie recognized some of the individuals who were perched on Tom’s bed. Shauna from her Media 101 class gave her a shy wave.
“Leslie Knope is finally here to party with us!” Jean Ralphio announced, throwing an arm around her shoulders and wobbling. His other hand clutched a bottle, probably a Mike’s Hard, she assumed based off of the citrus-y smell that his clothes reeked of. She pushed him off of her, giving him a death glare.
“I am NOT here to party with you,” Leslie hissed, staring daggers down at Jean Ralphio before redirecting her gaze to Tom Haverford who was leaning against the wall like his life depended on it. “I came here to tell you guys to keep it down before we all get in trouble! I’m trying to study for my Poli-Sci test, and it’s hard to even think when-“
“RA on duty, can everyone step out into the hall for me please?”
Leslie, unamused, turned to look at Jean Ralphio again. “You’re not funny! You’ve pulled that trick on me enough times whenever I’m playing Sarah McLachlan in my room. I’m not falling for it this time.”
But Jean Ralphio wasn’t even looking at her, he was staring like a deer caught in headlights at the doorway behind them, his arm now behind his back in attempts to conceal the alcohol. It was only in that moment that Leslie realized that she never heard him close the door behind her.
“Come on,” rang out the voice again, sounding more irritated than before. “Don’t make this harder on us, the sooner you all step out into the hall, the sooner this is over with.”
***
Out of all things Leslie expected to happen today, standing outside in the hall with Jean Ralphio, Tom Haverford, Shauna Malwae-Tweep, and a few others waiting her turn to get written up was not one of them. She was shaking next to Tom, who was trying to protest against the RAs, insisting that none of them were breaking any rules.
Somehow, they managed to hide the alcohol from view. Jean Ralphio, who shoved Leslie in front of him, tossed his own bottle into a pile of blankets behind the door. As for as the RAs could see, there was no underage drinking going on in the room. However, they were guilty of being ridiculously loud an hour past the dorm instituted quiet hours.
There were two RAs who were reprimanding them. One was friendlier looking, a pained smile on his face as he waved them out into the corridor, an apologetic look in his eye as he asked them all to pull out their IDs. The other was significantly less pleasant. He was scowling the whole time at them as he stood behind the former RA, giving them, specifically Jean Ralphio, a severe stare.
“Excuse me,” Leslie managed to spit out once the first RA was looking at her ID. “I’m sorry, Mr. RA-“
“Chris Traeger,” he said, giving her a weak smile. “What seems to be the problem, Leslie Knope?”
She gave a sidewards glance to Jean Ralphio and Tom, both of whom seemed particularly fascinated by their shoes. “I’m sorry, Chris – Um, I can call you Chris, right? Well, I wasn’t even involved in this. I’m from just a couple doors down, I actually came to tell them to be quiet, but I was- “
“I’ve heard that excuse a dozen times before, it isn’t going to work,” piped up Frowny RA, glancing at Leslie with an exasperated expression. “You were in the room when you were caught, and you were actually one of the loudest voices I heard while we were walking down the hall.”
Leslie was dumbfounded, staring at him in shock. “If you heard my voice, then you heard what I was saying too! I was literally telling them- “
“What you were telling them doesn’t matter. Regardless of why you were in here, you were being just as loud, if not, louder. Therefore, you weren’t following quiet hours,” he continued, straightening his posture and looking down at her with crossed arms.
She turned her eyes back to Chris, hoping that the much nicer RA would take her side. He didn’t. He remained quiet as he handed her ID back, avoiding her gaze as he moved on to take Shauna’s. Leslie’s blood was boiling. She didn’t think she could get anymore mad, Tom and Jean Ralphio did a pretty good job of pushing her to that point. However, Mr. Stiff-Haired RA somehow managed to provoke her even more.
If she weren’t afraid of getting written up for even more, Leslie would have yelled at him for interrupting her. For treating her like… like some rule-breaker! She wasn’t a rule-breaker. She was a rule-maker if anything. Just ask Ann and April down the hall, there was a set of rules taped to the inside of their door!
Leslie glowered at the floor as she waited for Chris and Jerkface RA were finished. Tom and Jean Ralphio’s friends dispersed, mumbling gloomy goodnights before they went back to their respective rooms and floors. She didn’t even bother saying anything to the two boys as she stormed away, angrily yanking her keys out of her pocket as she attempted to unlock the door to her shared triple. It took her three tries to get it to open, she was so angry that she could barely see straight.
April looked up at her with a curious expression when she stormed in, and she seemed to have started to say something, but Leslie was already in her own room before her voice filled the air. She was crumpled on her bed, curled up in a ball as hot tears stung at her eyes. How could she get written up?
“Leslie?” Ann’s voice cut through her thoughts, and Leslie peeked through blankets towards the door. She could barely make out her best friend’s head poking into the room, but it was clear that she was there to comfort her. “Are you okay? Did Jean Ralphio step past the line this time? I can sic April on him if you want me to.”
Leslie shook her head, feeling the angry tears coming on again. She blinked rapidly in attempts to make them go away. “I got written up,” she mumbled, just loud enough for Ann to hear.
“What?” Ann was in disbelief, and Leslie felt her stomach sink even more. “Why were you written up? They were the ones throwing a party.”
She sat up, the blankets falling off of her as she gave Ann a sullen look, her bottom lip quivering. She tried to elaborate more, but she was just too angry to even articulate her words. Luckily, Ann was aware of this, giving her time to put her thoughts together. “The RAs said we were being too loud, and apparently, I was one of the loudest. But I was telling them off!”
Leslie crossed her arms, almost hugging herself as she continued to speak. “And then one of the stupid mean RA’s told me that I was using an excuse, and what I was saying didn’t matter. And I hate him Ann! I hate Tom, Jean Ralphio, and stupid, jerkface RA with his stupid floppy hair.”
“Let’s kidnap him and put him on a boat in the middle of the ocean,” piped up April, scaring them both to death as she leaned against the doorway. “I can probably find him right now. We can tie him up and send him away.”
Leslie’s mouth twitched at this, but she shook her head again, feeling her anger subside. “No, April. Kidnapping people is illegal.”
“And immoral,” added Ann, who looked much less amused.
April frowned at both of them, staring pointedly. “Fine. Don’t say I didn’t try to help you,” she drawled, turning and retreating towards her bed.
Ann sucked in a breath, turning to Leslie and putting a hand on her knee. She gave her a sympathetic smile. “It’s one write-up, Leslie. Not a suspension. Not an expulsion. Hell, you weren’t even caught drinking! You’ll be fine, I promise.”
Leslie wasn’t convinced, but she’d be lying if she said Ann’s words weren’t comforting. Only slightly. Slowly, she managed to nod, giving her best friend a tight-lipped smile. “Okay,” she finally said, trying to keep her voice as steady as possible. “I appreciate you Ann, you wonderful combo of sugar, spice, and everything nice.”
“And I appreciate you!” Ann got up to move towards the door. “Get some rest. Your test review won’t be going anywhere,” she said, nodding her head towards the flashcards on Leslie’s desk.
She sighed, giving her a half-convincing, “Okay.” That seemed to satisfy Ann since she turned off the lights and closed the door before leaving.
Flopping back onto her bed, Leslie stared at the ceiling, the dark outline of tiles still visible in the dark. She processed the previous events once more in her head, scowl prominent on her features again. However, it didn’t take long for her to doze off. Being angry for the past thirty minutes was exhausting.