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When Marcel finds Tyler, sitting on the balcony with a bottle in hand, he already knows what’s going to happen.
Still, though, he opens the door and walks out, because he’s never been able to resist trying to help someone - not back home, and certainly not now.
Tyler doesn’t look at him when he slides open the door, doesn’t even acknowledge his presence. Marcel sits down gingerly, breathing out a quiet ‘ oof’ as he settles.
For a moment, they just sit beside each other, not saying a word. Every now and then, Tyler takes a swig from the bottle. He silently offers Marcel some, but he just waves his hand. Tyler shrugs and takes another drink.
Marcel studies the city-skape around them. He’s not in his easily recognizable white hood and blue shirt - just black clothes, some sweats, and socks. Tyler, too, is dressed down; Wildcat and BasicallyIDoWRK are nowhere to be found right now. Instead, they’ve left behind two broken shells of men.
“D’you have anyone waiting for you? Back-back in Three?” Tyler finally asks, words slightly slurred.
“I do,” he says. He thinks about Simone, and about Brock. He nods. “I do,” he repeats, a little quieter.
Tyler grumbles under his breath. “Well, s’do I.”
“Really?”
“Mhmm.”
“Wanna tell me ‘bout ‘em?”
It’s a gamble. Tyler isn’t one to open up usually - isn’t one to talk much about himself at all, period. But Tyler just grunts.
“M’mom,” he drawls, leaning back against the railing. “M’little brother, Connor.” He pauses, like he’s thinking. His voice goes a little quieter. “Kelly.”
“Your girlfriend?” Again, another risky question, but Tyler seems to be in a sharing mood tonight.
Tyler shrugs. “Maybe. I’unno. If I hadn’t volunteered for her? Probably.” He grins bitterly. “She’s prob’ly married by now. Forgotten all about me.” He takes another drink. “Would prob’ly be better for her if she has.”
Marcel feels his brow furrow. “You don’t call her?”
The taller man looks away. It’s answer enough.
“So,” Marcel begins, “why'dyou ask?”
Tyler hums. “Just seems like we’ve all got people back there, y’know? Parents, friends, family, whatever.”
He thinks about it for a moment, recognizing the words as fact. Because they all have people waiting, don’t they?
Tyler has his family and Kelly. Jon has Evan and Luke. Scotty has Chrissy. Marcel has Simone and Brock. David has his brother and sister. Brian has Lanai, Lui and Sark. Marie has Zyl and Pho. Cam has Mason and Sam. Ian has Kramer and Henry. Preston has Nathan and Lachlan.
Everyone has someone.
“Yeah,” he says quietly in reply, tilting his head up to look at the stars above them. “Yeah, I guess we do.”
He hears Tyler set the bottle down. “‘nd,” he says, then stops. It sounds like the words are being pulled from him against his will. “Guess I just. Wonder, sometimes.”
“‘bout what?” Marcel asks, and he is so, so, so aware that he is on a slippery slope right now.
Tyler sighs harshly and scrubs his face.
For a moment, Marcel thinks he won’t reply, but then--
“What if I hadn’t volunteered?” he says suddenly. “What-what if, y’know, Kelly hadn’t been Reaped n’ I hadn’t volunteered and everythin’ just didn’t happen?” He fiddles with the label on the bottle. “Where would I be, y’know? Would, would I’ave gotten that guitar that th’ady on Windsor Street was sellin’? Would I’ave finally given Connor the old boots he was always eyein’? W-would...would Kelly and I--”Tyler stops. Marcel hears him swallow hard from the bottle.
“I’unno,” he says again, voice a lot more vulnerable than Marcel can ever remember it being. “Just...thoughts.”
He doesn’t know what to say to that, so he doesn’t. For a few minutes after that, the two of them just sit in silence.
“If you could go back,” he hears himself ask finally, “ would you not volunteer?”
There is no hesitation in Tyler’s voice when he replies. “No.”
“Why?”
A beat.
“Because I would never wanna put her through this.”
They’re silent after that.
“Did you love her?”
Silence.
“Yeah. Yeah, I did. Enough to put myself through this Solstice’s damned hell of ours.”
“...Do you still love her?”
…
“Can I be honest?”
“Of course.”
“...I don’t think I ever stopped.”
They don’t say much afterward, and anyways, what can he say to something like that? He’s never been in love - what he had with Simone might have become love, given time, but not to the extent that Tyler and Kelly had (have?).
Tyler finally finished the bottle he’d been nursing, and Marcel just continues to study the night sky above them.
“Sweet Solstices,” Tyler mutters. “What a fuckin’ pair we make, huh?”
A ghost of a smile finds its way across his lips. “Thirty five years around the same person will do that to you, I guess.”
The elder groans. “Don’t remind me.” He huffs. “I’m getting old, man.”
“You were already old, Tyler, now you’re just realizing it.”
“Oh, fuck you, Marcel.”
He laughs.
Things go quiet again, and Marcel expects them to stay that way, so he jolts a little when Tyler speaks again.
“Marcel.”
“Hm?”
A pause.
"Thanks. For...I’unno. Always being here, I guess.”
The smile on his face softens, in a way.
“Always, Ty.”
-
if i’m to die before i reach you
please know i’m meant to love you till i did
if i’m to slip beneath a train meant to take me
know that i believe that it was worth it
tell my friends goodbye
tell my almost wife
that i loved her and left her too soon
- if i'm to die, keaton henson