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After celebrating Yeji’s birthday and having dinner at one of the best Korean barbecue pubs in Seoul (they may have shared a bottle of soju together, too — well, except Yuna, of course), the girls head back to their dorm, lucky enough to be escaping the glare of camera flashes and a crowd of paparazzi on a black JYPE service van. They have just enough exposure to pretend and make it seem like they were all a hundred percent sober, despite their pink-tinged faces, before allowing the tipsiness to really loosen them up. And as they get into the van, their ribs and sides squeeze with giggles and boisterous laughter.
“Do you think they noticed?” asks a cherry-red Chaeryeong, trying to rack words out of her mouth in between laughs. She has only had two shots of the soju but she’s so red that even the shells of her ears are flushed red.
“Seeing how red you are? Probably,” replies Ryujin, sending the younger girl a teasing smirk. “You’re a dead giveaway.”
Ryujin is sitting by the left window, Yeji parallel to her, not minding the gap of the aisle in between them. The other three sit behind them, with Yuna behind Ryujin, Lia behind Yeji, and Chaeryeong right in between them. Chaeryeong lets out a giggle that morphs into a soft yawn and leans against the youngest girl’s shoulder, nuzzling it with her pink nose.
“Did you have fun today, Yej?” Lia asks, peeking from behind the birthday girl and giving her a pat on the arm. “Those Wagyu beef cubes were to die for.”
The other three nod and reply in agreement, but Yeji hasn’t peeled her eyes from the moon shining outside of her window. She marvels at the moon and takes herself back to earlier at the restaurant when it didn’t feel as cold with Ryujin beside her, heat and warmth coming from Ryujin’s skin against her own. She felt their fingertips inching closer towards each other’s under the table, as Ryujin gave her a bite of beef wrapped in lettuce.
Yeji wonders whether the liquid courage had anything to do with her being dumb enough to rest her head on Ryujin’s shoulder as the others were shaking with laughter. Ryujin was talking about something funny that happened to her back at the JYP building that same afternoon. Yeji could hear her talking, and her story really was funny, but the older girl’s lightheadedness and three shots of soju were apparently not a good mix.
Her head spun even though her head was resting on Ryujin’s shoulder, but Yeji couldn’t stop staring up at Ryujin. She could watch her talk all day. With her pretty eyes, and her pretty nose, and her pretty whiskers, and her pretty lips, and her pretty smile. They were so close that Ryujin’s ocean-y, powdery-scented perfume was strong enough to sting Yeji’s slender nose, but she couldn’t have cared less — she was fine with one other thing intoxicating her tonight. Yeji had to physically and mentally prohibit herself from pressing her lips against Ryujin’s neck. Her eyes were probably cross-eyed from looking up at the girl too much.
The birthday girl snaps out of her trance, recalling Lia’s question. Her girls went out of their way and made time to surprise her with a Korean barbecue birthday dinner, asking PD-nim for permission themselves the week before. She’d been craving for barbecue and may have mentioned it a couple of times to both Ryujin and Lia. Even more surprisingly, they were allowed to try a few drinks, just as long as they only shared one bottle and didn’t exceed. Yeji loved birthdays, but ever since she had to celebrate them away from home, all she was used to thinking about was work. And ultimately, her love for her own birthdays dwindled. But every single year, her members try to get her mind off of work and make sure she genuinely has a good time.
They never did fail at that.
She shows them her gummy smile, the corners of her mouth tugging as upward as she can take them without looking deranged. Her eyes turn into two small slits and her winged eyeliner makes them look more upturned and happier, too. “I loved it,” she responds, happiness bubbling in her throat. “Thank you, my girls. I had fun.” And she means it.
Ryujin doesn’t notice it herself, but she’s been observing Yeji since she stepped foot in the van. The moonlight was pretty, but Yeji — even more radiant and pretty. Her silver hair looks even brighter as it glints with what little light the moon is shining through the tinted window. As Yeji smiles at everyone, Ryujin catches a glimpse of something that gleamed in Yeji’s eyes. “…Are you…crying?” Ryujin snickers, the red flush of the alcohol barely visible on her cheeks as the darkness of the night clouds over her more than the moonlight does.
The leader of ITZY is known not to cry, keeping a steady and stable ground, especially not when everyone else is emotional. But she’s just filled with so much happiness that her eyes couldn’t help but water a bit. Still, the tears in her eyes are enough to embarrass her and act shyly around her members. “No, I’m not!” Yeji frowns, managing to keep her tears at bay. She pouts but brings back the smile on her face a second after. “I’m just… teary-eyed. It’s because I’m happy!”
“Aww, Yeji!” the others coo.
Ryujin’s gaze on their leader lingers a heartbeat longer. I want to hold her hand again, I want to hold her hand again, I want to hold her hand again, are the only thoughts going through her head. It isn’t just the alcohol talking. Yeji returns her look, obviously reciprocating the longing. One of the corners of Yeji’s lips pull up into a small, but soft smile — the softest of smiles dedicated only for Ryujin.
Ryujin feels her heart hurt and twist and squeeze and break. Like every second she spends too far (note: an aisle between them is considered far enough) from Yeji tugged at her heartstrings so much that her chest would unravel. But she can finally let her inhibitions go after a few more minutes. They’re almost home anyway.
As the girls arrive at their dorm, they walk in a single file holding one another’s hands. Because she is the only one who hadn’t consumed any alcohol, Yuna leads her unnies safely to the elevators despite them being a hundred percent capable of doing so. Yuna guides them from where their designated driver parked the car, to the path going to the back door, to the elevator.
“We’re not even drunk, Yuna,” Chaeryeong whispers as they get inside the lift. “We’re just tipsy.” But the thoughtful maknae was not having it.
“I don’t care, it’s the first time all four of you had gone out drinking,” says the youngest. “Drunk or not, just the mere fact that you have alcohol in your system makes me feel the need to assure myself that you’ll be safe.” She smiles her toothy smile, her tongue peeking out between her teeth. She looks down at her shoes the moment she feels shy for wanting to take care of her unnies and being the Yuna-unnie herself.
This makes the other four coo at their maknae while the lift takes them to their floor. But as the cooing continues, Ryujin stealthily but calmly slips her hand into Yeji’s and rubs the fleshy part between latter’s thumb and forefinger with her thumb.
Yeji looks right into her roommate’s warm brown eyes, a small but expressive smile forming on her lips. It’s a smile that tries to communicate without the need for spoken words — tries to communicate what mere spoken words could not give justice to. Her eyes are just as soft as her smile. It’s a shy but warm expression, almost like how a bud opens and puts its petals down slowly but progressively as it begins to bloom. It’s light and comfortable and delicate and warm.
And Ryujin knows — she feels. She understands. How her roommate is looking back at her. She feels light and comfortable and delicate and warm. Yeji makes her feel pretty things. Ryujin can feel her heart squeeze and swell in her chest again as the other girl tightens her hold for a second. Their shared, soft moment is quick but that one look transcended the laws of the universe just by capturing a plethora of feelings and emotions without saying a thing — it is as if time is suspending them into something that feels like infinity. She responds to her look with a faint smile and a sigh full of fondness.
The girls shuffle out of the elevator the moment they get onto their floor and bid their goodbyes as they enter their respective rooms — Chaeryeong in her own, Lia and Yuna in theirs, and Ryujin and Yeji in theirs. Yeji plops down on her bed as her roommate shuts the door.
The night grows silent as Ryujin and Yeji get ready for bed — a striking contrast from the loud chatter and boisterous laughter with the rest of the girls from earlier during dinner. Ryujin doesn’t hear anything but the low hum of the air purifier, Yeji brushing her teeth in the bathroom, and the slow and steady of her own heartbeat. The slow and steady quickens as Yeji leaves the bathroom barefaced, hair down, and in matching pyjamas. “Your turn, Ryujinnie!” the other girl announces before hopping (literally, like a little bunny) into her bed, which earns a laugh and an Aw, cuuuute from Ryujin.
The younger girl finishes getting ready for bed after a while, and she finds Yeji in bed, eyes half closed from the sleep attempting to pull her in. But the latter eventually perks up at the sight of Ryujin and pats the relatively small but sufficient space beside her, motioning her to come lay there.
Ryujin suppresses a grin and questions her nonverbal request. “You want me to sleep next to you? Again?” she teases, trying to pretend like Yeji’s request for to lie down beside her was unreasonable. “When can I sleep on my own bed again, hm?”
“You don’t want to?” the other pouts. She maintains her eyes on Ryujin and it hurts just seeing her within an arm’s reach but too far for her fingertips to graze. Too far for her hands to hold. Too, too far. But she let herself marvel at the younger girl for a while, just as she did with the moon and the stars and the clouds. You aren’t supposed to be touching masterpieces, especially not when they’re this beautiful and beautiful and breathtaking, but it wouldn’t hurt for her to wrap herself around Ryujin — arms, legs, hands, fingertips and all — right?
Weak. Weak, weak, weak, weak. Ryujin’s heart was weak for Yeji, especially when she pouts with the wide, pleading eyes to match. There’s pain in her chest. But the younger girl likes keeping her game up and keeping Yeji on her toes. “No, not really,” she replies, scrunching her nose jokingly to feign aversion and really sell it. “I kind of want to sleep on my own bed tonight.”
Yeji looks kind of hurt. She tries not to make it so, but the pain in her cat-like eyes is indisputable. “Oh,” she says in tiny. “But it’s my birthday…” She trails off, gazing up at Ryujin’s eyes with her own and begging with them again.
Ah. There it is again. The sharp pang in Ryujin’s chest. However, their back and forth seems to interest her better currently as opposed to satisfying a want to make the pain go away. “Bold of you to think that the birthday card would work on me,” she scoffs.
“Please? Pretty please? With a… cherry on top?” Yeji giggles at her last statement but returns to her pleading expression from earlier. She twiddles with the tips of her hair and shifts her gaze from the floor back to the other girl’s almond-shaped eyes. “Please, Ryujinnie? Ryuddaeng? Ryusoongi? Please sleep next to me. I want to sleep next to you.”
At this, Ryujin knows that she cannot resist the older girl a moment longer. She’s weak. Weak for her. Weak for Yeji. Being apart for that long is delayed gratification enough. She gives out and gives in, the pang in her chest slowly subsiding. Her look softens at the pretty girl sitting on the bed, pouting and pleading with wide, cat-like eyes. “I was kidding anyway. I don’t mind another day not sleeping on my own bed if it meant that I get to sleep next to you. So stop pouting or I’ll kiss it off of that pretty face of yours,” Ryujin mutters her last sentence almost sharply, pretending to be firm.
Yeji only widens her pout and knits her brows closer together, making her eyes look bigger. The younger sits next to, almost in front of, the older girl so that they are facing each other. Ryujin inches her face towards Yeji’s which makes the latter shiver. “I said…” Ryujin whispers, her hot breath hitting Yeji’s lips. “Stop pouting or I’ll kiss it off…”
Yeji doesn’t move an inch. She could smell the spearmint toothpaste from Ryujin’s mouth as she speaks. A lump forms in her throat and the nerves settle in as Ryujin places one hand on Yeji’s cheek and another on the small of her back. Their heartbeats quicken their pace but remain in sync, the rising and falling of their chests so rhythmic that if you listen quietly, it sounds like a song. A song that yearns and yearns and yearns, even if the space between their bodies is near to nonexistent.
The older girl’s mind goes blank as Ryujin closes the space between them, lips moving in time with the song their heartbeats have been playing, hair falling against shoulders, eyes closed and lashes fluttering. It’s hard to miss how hungry they both have been to be alone and finally have their lips meet and crash against each other without fear of exposure. Yeji deepens the kiss but keeps it soft, entangling her own fingers in the younger one’s hair. And while they melt into each other, time freezes.
She’s so soft, her lips are soft. She smells like cocoa butter and vanilla and cinnamon. She’s so soft. Soft, soft, soft, are the only thoughts running through Ryujin’s head. They keep their lips interlocked as they both lay on the bed, neither one of them adamant or wanting to break away from the kiss first. Ryujin lightly digs her fingertips into Yeji’s hips and pulls her closer, and Yeji responds by lacing their legs together — just the two of them, a mess of sheets and kisses and teeth and hair and skin.
Their kiss finally slows down and they mutually break away, smiling and giggling. They’re both red and they also know that it isn’t because of the alcohol at all anymore; they’ve both been sober since they finished freshening up for bed. They kiss again a couple of times, smiling and giggling in between but those next kisses are not as long and not as hungry anymore, but just as lovingly and just as soft.
Yeji nestles in Ryujin’s arms, with Yeji’s forehead just a little below Ryujin’s chin. She’s a little taller and older than Ryujin but Ryujin definitely has a way of making her feel small and tiny. Secured, even. The older girl brushes her nose against the younger’s chin lightly and though it tickles Ryujin a bit, she relishes in the soft gesture.
“I like you so much, Ryujinnie,” the older girl exhales breathlessly as Ryujin tucks loose strands of her long, silver hair behind her ears and brushes them with her fingertips. “I like you so much it hurts.”
This makes Ryujin draw her in more — if this is even humanly possible. She slightly lifts Yeji’s head up so she could plant a kiss on her forehead. “I like you so much, too, Yeddeong. So so so much.” Ryujin feels Yeji’s eyes still looking up at her so she dips her head down a little, just enough for their eyes to meet. They’ve been officially together for a few weeks now and they’ve made lots of eye contact over the years that they’ve known each other but it never failed to make Ryujin’s insides perform a somersault.
“We’ve only been girlfriends for a short while but,” Yeji whispers, her voice almost trailing off, but Ryujin could hear both her voice and her breaths with how silent the rest of the room is. “…when can we tell the girls?”
Ryujin somehow knew that she’d ask. It was just a matter of time. And apparently, that time is now. She peels her eyes away from Yeji’s and onto the wall behind her instead. The younger girl exhales shakily and bites her lower lip as worried thoughts pour in her head. “I don’t know yet, Yeji,” she replies and follows it up with a sigh. “It’s just… it’s our little secret. And I don’t know when I’ll be ready to let people into our little secret. I just want it to be just ours for a while longer. Just ours. Just us. Is that okay with you?”
Instead of responding verbally, Yeji gives her another affirming but gentle look that transcends verbal, human language. She punctuates her response by sleepily crawling into the cuddle and pulling herself up, and kissing the younger girl on her soft, soft lips for the last time before dozing off.