Chapter Text
Vanessa stares at the wall. Her eyes are red and swollen, and her pillow is damp with tears. Her vision darkens as the voices in her head continue to bash and berate her.
Why do you stay with her?
You know you only bring her shame.
It's a miracle she's still with you.
You should just die already.
She knows this. She knew it since the day they started dating. They've been dating for a year, and even decided to live in the same apartment. She knows Wylenn loves her, loves her to the depths of her soul. Vanessa does too.
So why does it still hurt so much?
The door cracks open, and Vanessa doesn't even flinch, knowing it's Wylenn, but secretly hoping it was an intruder or serial killer coming to put her out of her misery.
"Hey," Wylenn whispers in her oh so gentle voice, "You haven't come out since last night, everything alright?"
Vanessa smiles, faintly. She should've seen this coming. Wylenn could always read Vanessa like a book.
Wylenn walks around the bed to look at Vanessa, kneeling to look at Vanessa. Her face is gentle, not one of pity or disdain, but one of sorrow and sympathy.
"Should I come back later?" Wylenn asks.
There she goes again, Vanessa thinks. Wylenn always cared for people more than she did herself, which was cute and admirable, but incredibly overbearing. Vanessa always thought she was doing something wrong, being this happy and cared for.
"No, just..." Vanessa mutters, "I don't know. Just stay here."
"I can do that," Wylenn whispers, taking a seat on the bed.
Vanessa sits up, keeping her eyes down so as to not meet Wylenn's eyes. "I've...I've been having thoughts recently. About dating you. You remember that I said this before, when we'd been dating for a month?"
"Yeah, I remember."
"Everyday... It feels as if those thoughts get worse and worse. I used to just ignore them, y'know? Everyone gets them, it's just normal. But, eventually, I got them so often that I started to believe it myself. I love you and everything but..."
Vanessa closes her eyes, silently weeping. Wylenn pulls her into a hug, rubbing her back tentatively.
"...I'm not exactly the strong person you imagine me to be."
Vanessa opens her eyes and gives Wylenn a questioning look, as if she was spouting heresy.
"When I was thirteen... I attempted suicide. Obviously, it wasn't successful. Now that I think about it, it was... really stupid," Wylenn had begun to tear up, "See, my... grandma passed away two days before then. She was the best person in the world to me, the light of my day, and when she died... it broke me. I thought, 'What's the point of living if all the people close to me are going to die eventually? Why should I suffer any longer in this kind of world?' I really couldn't stand the point of living."
Wiping away her tears, Wylenn continued. "But, eventually, I came to the point that life is life because there is death. And I..."
Wylenn shook her head, "Sorry, I've been rambling, haven't I? Terrible help, aren't I? What I want to say is that I'm not the perfect person you think I am, and even I'm still trying to make sense of everything. Whenever you need my help, you just ring and I'll be there, mmkay?"
Vanessa buried her head deeper in Wylenn's chest. She had no words. Nothing but a slight nod and a mumbled "okay" to signify that she understood. Perhaps the thoughts would never stop, and Vanessa would always doubt their relationship. But as long as she had Wylenn to guide her through it, maybe she'd be alright.
Maybe.